Our Investing Strategy, Retirement & The Myth of Passive Income

hey everyone it's Stephan and Tatiana welcome back to another podcast episode with us uh the first one that we did is up on our YouTube channels Tatiana James Project Life Mastery you can also watch or listen to it anywhere that you get your podcast uh but last time we talked about a lot of different things uh today I think we want to go deeper and discuss a variety of topics investing success uh building online businesses being parents a lot of that good stuff and we're just going to allow ourselves just to organically go the flow and whatever comes up and whatever we decide to talk about um but we know that'll be incredibly valuable for you guys I think you can get some good nuggets from this because we do have a lot to share so where do you want I mean there's a lot of Juicy topics in here so I think the best place to start is with the investing because that is something people are always curious about we're both investors we invest in many different ways um do you want to share a little bit yeah you know I think like our investing strategy and style has kind of changed a little a little bit over the last few years so first and foremost we've both always had the mindset of being long-term investors uh we're not Traders we're not uh you know looking to make a quick Buck you know buying and selling in the short term uh we very much think longterm that's how we've always been throughout our financial career you know even with our businesses our business we always kind of approached it as a vehicle that could allow us to make a lot of money it's something we have more control over we can make as much money as we choose to make in a business because there's no limit on how much money you can make in a business as opposed to having a job and so our businesses are always vehicles to generate a lot of cash flow but of course when you're making a lot of money what do you do with it you know and that's I think where a lot of people a lot of entrepreneurs or even people that have jobs they don't think quite enough about because that's really what's going to create the financial freedom and abundance that you want long term so but I think um if I can just interrupt like what you said is important we are long-term investors we aren't trying to make a quick buck and so we are quite risk averse with our investment style um but by comparison with our businesses we do take more risks with our businesses than with our our you know Investments because we have more control over our businesses right when it's our business that's we do have more control Investments there's only the perception of control but there's a lot that's out of your control so we recognize that and I think we've been very conservative with the decisions we've been making with investing and so we know that you know high risk High reward but we're not after the high reward we're after just the slow and steady and it does win the race like we we have you know it's a good market now but we have done pretty well and it's what has allowed us to live in this lifestyle to now you know be semi-retired Etc so I think that's important to mention that we're quite conservative with our investment yeah we never put ourselves in a position where we're risking more than we can afford to lose um there is you know a percentage of our portfolio that we invest in more volatile high-risk Investments cryptocurrencies certain individual stocks and companies and there's been you know many of which we've lost money on but overall we've made a lot more than what we've lost yeah but I I think that's really important but I I'd say um you know when you've made a lot of money and you've kind of already had enough home runs I find that your mindset kind of shifts a little bit to preserving your wealth how can I protect this yeah versus when you don't quite have you haven't made it quite yet you're kind of looking for opportunities that could be Your Big Break and can allow you to break through and create that Financial abundance that you want so but also the general rule of thumb is you know the younger you are the more risks you can make so in terms of your portfolio and how it's divided you know as you get older you have less time to make up for losses and so the younger you are the more risky you know more risky Investments you can make compared to as you get older yeah I think you know one misconception that a lot of people have is they like I'm always amazed how many people do not invest yeah you know what I mean like it's just so many people I come across they're like oh you know I want to get into investing but either they're like I don't know how or they just think that they're going to do it eventually when they have more money but it's it's because it's really intimidating it is it really is intimidating it's not it's like it's so simp it's not once you get a you know you have to equip yourself that's why knowledge is power so equip with yourself with a basic knowledge and understand that you don't need to know everything in order to get started and I think that's the key limitation is that people think that oh I need to know everything because my my money is my asset I worked so hard to make this money I want to preserve this money and I don't want to make any mistakes and lose it all so I have to know everything before I can get started but then they never get started because you aren't going to know everything you know like when I first got into it I got into investing when I was 18 and I basically was given a book called The Wealthy Barber by David shilton and it basically this story with this Canadian guy David Chilton he was on Dragon's Den eventually he's like a financial guy but he um he basically you know shares this story about getting advice from his Barber who is wealthy you know and you think like how is a barber wealthy bar is wealthy and it's basically just because like an average person if you just take a certain percentage of what you make you put it aside you pay yourself first you know 10% of what you make and you just put it into at that time like a mutual fund like today like mutual funds uh are not really worth it because now there's index funds that are a lot more popular with a lot less fees but basically you just put that money into index fund and every single month you put in 10% of what you make or 5% or 20% whatever that amount is eventually compounds and if you have enough time on your side decades you become wealthy you become a millionaire it's not that complex and so for me like that the power of compounding a lot of people don't understand you know how beneficial that is how that can transform your life no matter what situation that you're in right now you could be a janitor and if you just allow a certain percentage your money to compound year after year decade after decade when you're in your 60s 70s or 80s you could be incredibly wealthy you know so for me like because I was given that book at 18 and I I was so young and just naive I just like had such an open mind I accepted everything that I learned I was like wow that's amazing I just started doing it that was ingrained in me that long-term mentality and I think especially if you're an entrepreneur uh you really do have to think about planning for retirement and think long term because for both of us when we were building our businesses we never paid into pension you know because the way that we would always get paid from our businesses are through dividends and so through dividends you're not paying into at least in Canada you're not paying into your pension you know which is a percentage that gets taken off of your paycheck if it's a salary or your unemployment insurance and so you know that's like a tax in a way that you're saving when you're an entrepreneur but you have to have the foresight to put decide that money for your retirement because knowing you're not going to get a pension down the road and for me I'd much rather be in control of my money than have the government depend on an pension which you know apparently a lot of people might not be getting uh you know in the future but yeah so I think what you touched on I think is I want to highlight it because it's one of those very basic principles of investing you know it's like Rich Dad pad book you know teaching some very basic principles so it's but they're lifechanging so one of those life changing principles is the understanding of compounding and then also another life-changing principle is understanding what Dividends are and how those work but if you understand compounding then what you if I were someone watching right now I would make it my top priority every paycheck the first however much you can manage is it $50 is it $100 $200 $20 a month 50 then it came $50 a month and then $100 a month and it just screw from that so whatever you think you can manage based on your circumstances and your lifestyle that's the first thing that you do with your paycheck it's not go and pay your rent it's not go and go grocery shopping and buy it's taking that money and putting it into your investment because your investment is investing in yourself investing in your future so it is a top priority and and and that over time you know the younger you start the better of course so for those who are watching who are very young you know this is a huge Advantage for you in your life typ yeah so go you know set that up today that is that is for your future for me like I took this so seriously when I was young I I I did this like I I made sure that I always kept this as a habit in my life I did this even when I got into credit card debt and and like retrospectively looking back you know it probably would have been better to like prioritize paying off my cred credit card debt because that's a high interest debt versus you know putting it to Something in the market that might only return 6% or whatever uh but like I but I was so obsessed with that you know like this that idea that concept I knew the power of it that I was just like no I cannot stop this I cannot break this this is like and I I knew that becoming wealthy would be inevitable in my life even if I up in business made all these other mistakes at least I would have that and that that was really powerful for me and you know why and even like yeah even like over the option of like investing in my own business I still always kept that like I I never swayed from that basic Financial advice that I was given at a young age because I just believed in the power of it I think it's because you particularly you're obsessed with your future and I think that's what made you successful in many ways because you always focused on it you always fixated on what it is that you wanted and believing that you could have it but I think for those watching to get a better grapple better understanding on the power of compounding go on Google and type in compound interest uh calculator and it will really show you that over you know a period of 50 years so you know and by the time you're what have our 80 years old you know how much how far your money will goal if you make the same investment every single month um and and so once you understand the power of it I think that's going to motivate you to take action with it so that's one one basic element of inves and I think you oftentimes people they struggle with the long-term idea because they don't want to you know be rich later you know they want to be rich now but my mindset was creating both you know like yes like have this for my long term but simultaneously work my ass off in my business and and pursue other opportunities and that's not to say also so that you can't have a percentage you have to determine what your allocation is but a percentage to be more high-risk and if you are younger maybe you can you know often when you're more older and retired um you know your portfolio is going to be a lot more conservative because you don't have as much time you need that money a lot sooner but when you're younger yes like sure go for some home runs you know have some that's conservative that even if you fail countlessly it'll still ensure your success um but yeah like you can strategize in those different ways yeah so the compounding is one basic investing principle that is life-changing yeah and and just yeah uhuh and and another one is understanding dividend paining stocks for me that was a big deal because our Port we we both invest we have separate portfolios but we have a similar way of investing um and I have a lot of different stocks in my portfolio but a lot of my stocks that I invest in are dividend pay stocks and the reason being is because every quarter or so it depends on on the investment I get paid uh dividend that you know I didn't work for that is truly passive income that I get paid as a shareholder for putting my money into this this stock and if you invest in multiple stocks you know that a little bit adds up to a lot and so Stefan and I combined our dividence combined monthly is enough money it's more than enough money to pay for our lifestyle and so when you actually wrap your mind around that that means that if him if him and I don't work for the rest of our lives you know considering the the current Cas stock market um we have enough income every month that comes in that we could pay afford our lifestyles now we don't take any of that money out we always reinvest all that money we have it on a drip so it reinvests automatically for us but that's a really powerful Principle as well so this is truly passive income now we talk a lot about passive income on our channels because it is powerful but most ways of creating passive income it's not truly passive because you're still going to require some of your time investment there are some things that you have to require a lot of time investment up front and then over time as you Outsource things and automate things and and get things set up you can remove yourself more and therefore not invest so much time it becomes more passive but you usually have to check in from now and then now and time again and it's not truly passive but these dividend stocks are truly passive yeah and I think like going back to also people being intimidated by it it can be very intimidating yes to invest in individual stocks but instead what we more focused on are index funds or exchange traded funds ETFs because then you can own a whole basket of companies a whole basket of stocks because one risk that you might have investing in an individual stock is what if they cut their dividend right what if they're less profitable what if they have to cut it then you're dependent on that source of income but if instead you're investing in let's say the Vanguard High Yield dividend ETF F well this is one stock on the stock exchange that basically you know gives you exposure to all these dividend paying companies and you know if one of them Cuts their dividend or whatever it's not going to affect things you know and they can even replace this company with another company and so um it's a lot more stable and secure way of getting those dividends yes and ultimately you know kind of like the passive income you get from business is a bit of a myth in some ways like yes it does exist you can set up a business like you know in our case we haven't really worked on our businesses for the last year plus and we still got income coming in you know because we did something one time we set up you know products we set up systems in place that we set it and forget it and it still makes us money but that has a life cycle you know eventually if you're not putting time into it if you're not updating it if you're not maintaining it then sure enough it slowly declines um because it requires a level of management and the the world the internet always is changing versus instead if I invest in a company a stock in many ways I'd much rather invest in these companies than in myself in some ways because these companies are more likely to exist for a longer duration than than ourselves you know it's it's a lot more in a way stable because what happens if something happens to myself or Tatiana you know and you can no longer produce that income but instead you're investing in a company that you know there's a a you know there's a board of directors they can replace the CEO they have a lot of resources they have some of the top Minds working yeah they're a lot smarter than than us um they can ensure they can outlive us and even that's something that I often think about with our wealth and having it be generational you know I want our wealth to outlive us and to have it be in a trust so that you know our kids our grandkids our great great great great great great great grandkids can benefit from that because it will continuously grow our Wealth Beyond our lifetime and so that's uh one of the benefits I think of thinking in that way is how can you have your money grow so that's another good principle so breaking it down for you guys so one if you're going to you know go back and and you're G to invest your time into learning a few basic concepts of investing so that you have enough courage to get started one concept is understanding dividends one concept is understanding uh compounding and another one is understanding index funds and to give you guys a bit more of a definition of index funds this is you know if you P A lot of people when you think of investing you think of investing in one single company for example the big ones Google Facebook Tesla right but these are individual companies so if anything does happen to that company and you put your money into it well you know you're at a loss but an fund is composed of maybe hundreds of companies so for example one of the one of my favorites is the in S&P 500 and that's composed of 500 of some of the top country uh companies in the United States and so what happens if one of those 500 companies you know goes bankrupt or who knows what happens to it well you know what there's still 499 and they are constantly replacing those with the best so if they are no longer you know they're no longer performing at a certain level they will be replaced and so when your money is now invested into a fund like that that that's a much more conservative investment that's much less risky investment for you so understand that Principle as well because if you're afraid to pick individual stocks which is something that you need to do with vigilance because you need to really understand the stock you need to understand there's a lot there's a lot that goes into understanding a company but when you're investing into a fund that gives you a lot more ease knowing that that money has been Diversified that's another principle learn about diversification that's the key to investing honest like to simplify things like what I would say for most people is just go and buy the book money Master the game by Tony Robbins that's a book where he interviewed the top 50 uh 50 of the wealthiest billionaires investors and basically a lot of them what they all conclude for most people is just focus on index funds that's the advice of Warren Buffett that when he dies uh he wants the money the money that his kids and his family is going to inherit 95% of it is just going to be in the S&P 500 not even in his own not even in Berkshire haway so you know that that says a lot and so kind of going back to like our Style and what we've been doing is we've been more transitioning into being more passive because also investing in individual companies it does require not only the the research upfront but also keeping up to dat with what's going on in those companies yeah um there's been it's hard to be passive with that yeah like you have to be active you have to like there's so many factors and things that can affect a stock um you know the war you know in Ukraine inflation uh for example like we also owned Alibaba which is a great company we've worked with Alibaba on our YouTube channels and all of that we've used them in our businesses in e-commerce but you know certain changes in China and the risk of that you know can cause the stock again there's just so much out of your control yeah politics all these different things and so um we both kind of learned I think through that Journey because we went a little bit crazy during the pandemic when there was a big crash in March of 2020 we bought companies that we wouldn't normally buy because they were so cheap and uh we've just been sitting on them for the last few years and now we're in a position where we've both been selling off and taking profits because right now the Market's been doing really well taking profits and reinvesting and kind of reallocating our portfolio rebalancing it to move that money into those index funds like the S&P 500 the high dividend yield ones another one I like is the Vanguard info Information Technology uh ETF basically it's more like a tech heavy in uh you know ETF um to real estate ETFs you know a whole variety of different ones which by the way real estate ETFs is a great great way to dip your toes into real estate without actually owning and managing a property because that is a lot of work this way you can have some money in real estate without all the headaches and the cost of owning called re real estate investment trusts so I mean that's and and also I think one of the other things that I think we' both realized is Financial Freedom there's there's different levels of Financial Freedom and I've kind of talked about this before but there's obviously the level where you can do what you want whenever you want with your money you don't have to worry about your expenses and whatnot but I've I've noticed that in many cases having a lot of money and especially when you've got your money invested in many different indiv ual stocks and companies there's a level of mental consumption you know of like the mind you know like I found myself kind of focused a lot on money and worrying about it or you know kind of some scarcity around that money or managing it and I thought like is this really Financial Freedom and the the the the kind of Financial Freedom that I want to create in my life is the level of Financial Freedom where I don't even have to be consumed by money I don't have to have it on my mind all the time and I can have this as an area of my life that I can check the box at and say you know what I've got this taken care of it's providing the income I don't have to worry about it you know it's going to grow long term but now I can live my life rather than being constantly consumed by this thing called money and that's a level of Financial Freedom that uh for me has always been the goal and so that's why kind of moving more to passive Investments and uh you know being a bit more conservative not getting caught up as much in all the volatility and all the ups and downs downs and all the drama and all the other things and have to manage my investments that's a lot of work so being more passive investor has been a really big key for us I think it's also really up to the individual and your personal your personality you know if if you're very volatile and you get nervous easily you know you have to understand that investing is an emotional game and that if you know you know the stock market itself is not based in any reality it's based on the overall sentiment of a population so if the sentiment is low if for example the news comes out tomorrow that um you know another pandemic is hitting well even if it doesn't happen even if it was fake news well the stock market will probably crash like it did when covid hit because now people are fearful so it depends on how people feel and so for you as an investor if you're someone who's very volatile and as soon as the stock market goes down you're going to freak out and you're going to pull your money out well you need to be careful with that because that's how people lose money in the stock market right and understanding like another principle to understand is the overall trends of a market and understanding like when is it a good time to buy and when is it not a good time to buy and when is a good time to sell and when it's not a good time to sell and you're never going to get it perfectly nobody can predict the market but um understanding Trends is important understanding the overall trend so that you don't become super p istic and feel like well this is the end and it's you know never going to go back up because it always goes back up yeah not freaking out when there's a crash or recession or correction because those are just parts parts of it and you they're predictable in fact yeah and when you have a long-term mentality then you're just like oh you know it's fine opportunity to buy more yeah and um for for both of us we have a hard time selling like I don't like to sell I just like to sit on it longterm because that's really actually difficult to to sell like it's I've been really good at buying but then knowing when to sell is also difficult and that's the challenge when you're an active investor is like you have to try to time the market and uh and whatnot versus you know just longterm yeah sit on it you know and let the decades go by and then eventually when that time comes especially if they're in index funds like I want to own Investments that I can hold forever you know those are the S&P 500 and other indexes so we're more keen on selling individual companies so if they are at all-time highs for example we just sold off our um was it Shopify no which one was it um recently we sold off something it was at an all-time high it was like a tech stock and yeah it's fine like great this is now a win because you always have to understand that just because the stock market H is high doesn't mean that you know you you're making that money you only make money when you sell and you now pull a profit from that and understanding that the stock market is volatile it might be high today and low tomorrow so um I do think that it is important to sell sometimes because that's really how you can make um your money but you know being very strategic about that but when you sell what are you going to do with that money well you're going to invest it into maybe more like index funds you're you're exactly you're just going to reinvest it you're just going to rebalance your portfolio right so yeah that and that's kind of why or sell and now like we can talk a little bit more about diversification and how this is a very important principle of investing so we are heavily invested in the stock market but we also realize that we got to diversify because even though we are Diversified within our portfolios it's still all the stock market so diversifying our investment in other ways whether it's investing in other businesses investing in real estate investing in our own businesses um we've realized that yeah we need to diversify our portfolio a little bit more so we Diversified by purchasing real estate um not in the way that is most profitable where you're you know maybe buying single family housing and you're renting that out um that would probably you know single family or um not single family um multiple family homes is going to be more powerful we're we're buying homes that we want to live in and that we can use for part of the time and then part of the time we could rent it out and so it's not the most profitable way of doing real estate but it's a way that works for us because we want to get use out of these properties and part of it goes back to that preservation you know because again when you have you don't want to have all your eggs in one basket and so when you do have uh a certain amount of money you might think well you know I don't if I want to have everything just in the S&P 500 because even though that's like what Warren Buffett preaches and what he would do and recommend because then you have you're overweight and overly exposed just to the US economy what if the US economy suffers and gets replaced by China's economy so you know what if the US dollar is no longer the reserve currency you know so like you have to play out different scenarios in your mind of things like that and so then you know we also own an index for uh basically the top companies in the world that exclude the US economy yeah right so that way we have exposure more to Europe or China or Latin America other places right so you kind of like want to um you know kind of hedge against that and then you might think well yeah what happens if basically um you know the banks and you know the currency and just all you know the way that people live financially gets disrupted in which case maybe you want to have exposure to cryptocurrency right so what if that becomes more the dominant currency in the world like you have to think decades from now and and that's why you want to hedge you know against your current Investments and have some exposure there and you might think okay I also want to have some precious metals like gold and silver um and then of course real estate as well so for us it's just it's it's having that diversification and protecting yourself that if one investment class if one uh sector of of the economy and the way things have been done crashes or or is not quite the same then you're still protected and even for example like having your money in a brokerage account having your money in a bank account you know we've now seen over the last few years how Banks can go under how an exchange a cryptocurrency exchange can go under you know we've seen examples like that even how government you know um can freeze your bank accounts and take money you know like there's all these things that you have to now factor in um as ways to protect yourself so that's why maybe you want to have some physical asset like physical gold physical silver not just you know buying like a Gold stock you know um but even even going to the to another extent of thinking well if my money is All in This One Bank you know how much of my money is actually protected insured and you'll realize that oh there's only $250,000 or $100,000 of my money that is insured and so then you go and you put your money in multiple Banks and you know you can overthink it but part of the way that you balance your portfolio this is a pie chart is by thinking of all the what ifs and that comes with time but you know I think that that's what can be intimidating about investing is that you feel like well I haven't thought about all the what ifs there's all these different scenarios that I haven't thought about but understand that with time you will learn those things and I think the most important takeaway is to get started with it because it can change your life and start with something that you feel comfortable with don't push yourself in a way that doesn't feel comfortable it doesn't feel right don't do it yeah and I think that's why just basic thing that someone could do today get money Master the game by Tony Robbins open up uh uh open up a brokerage account whether it's with your bank or you know one of the the many that are out there and transfer some money in and just start do dollar cost averaging is put certain amount of money every single month don't even think about it and just put that into like the S&P 500 and then as time goes on you know you're sometimes you're buying when it's high sometimes when it's low but over all longterm decades from now that's going to be worth a lot more and even if you open up a brokerage account and you put little to no money in it the fact that you have it open is really valuable because if the stock market does crash tomorrow you now have an account that you could invest from so for example when covid hit we saw like the opportunity for investors when Co hit was because you know the market crashed and so as you know when a market crashes that's not the time to sell it's the time to buy and so for example I was messaging my brother and I was like Hey like are you investing he didn't have a stock a brokerage account open and so to actually go and open it you know that takes time to do that so he lost that opportunity so to have an account open actually is quite valuable for you know you know it's during March of 2020 when the market crashed each employee on my team I sent them some money as a bonus and I gave them a couple hundred bucks and I said what like here's what I would do with this you can do whatever you want but what I'd recommend right now the Market's crashed there's a huge opportunity I'd recommend you invest it and I'm curious to know how many of them actually did I know Steve did and Ty um you know they both learned from Project Life life master I guess and kind of I know followed in the footsteps of that but I I yeah I mean if yeah people did that it'd be worth a lot more today and honestly guys getting started is the hardest part so just by opening that brokerage account that's going to really set you up to feel uh more couraged to get your feet wet with in world of investing so just taking that first step yeah all right well how about we transition now to another topic um you know one thing that we wanted to talk about was just success and creating success and you know obviously that's a a huge topic that's changed our lives everyone defines that differently in their own life you know obviously there's financial success but there's success in many different areas of your life and I kind of look at you know for me my definition of success is very different than what it was before M it's different than just what Society kind of projects as what is success because I look at holistically every area of my life yes and unfortunately our society doesn't quite uh recognize I think to the extent that they should the value the importance of someone being happy someone being a great parent someone have a great relationship great health great overall well-being and quality of life you I look at that as much more valuable than just someone that has a lot of money and often times I'm not that imp if there's someone that just like you know someone's introduced as a speaker in front of an audience or YouTube whatever that they're really successful well I often think okay so what okay how about all the other areas of their life because yes you could be very successful financially but that doesn't mean that you are in all those other areas Rel the grand scheme of things um all those other areas are way more important you know than just making a lot of money and being wealthy yeah or or equally important and I think like I hear you on that to an extent though like when you don't have money then the money is important but once you're at that point where you do have it then all those other areas are going to give you much better return in your life than just making more money I am 100% in agreement with you I think that living a successful life is is living a life that you feel joyous every day and how can one feel joyous every day well usually it's because all the things that you value in your life with which is why it's important to understand what you value in life get clarity on what you value and so if you value your relationship your your intimate relationship if you value your relationship with your kids if you value your health if you value your success if you value your spirituality um if you value your Fitness okay if these are your top values in life then you need to be focusing on these values on these areas of your life and investing your time into them um so that you grow in those areas and success ESS is growing in those areas it's not achieving any kind of finished goal it's it's it's it's it's it's always going to be a work in progress but the success comes from feeling like you're growing in the areas that you value in life and so for you and for myself we oftentimes we kind of like take some time to sit back and reflect and think okay I want to be nine eight nine and 10 in the top on in these areas of my life I want levels eight nine and 10 I want to feel great about my health I want to feel great about my relationship I want to feel great about my spiritual connection with god um and if they're not eight nine and 10 then that is my indicator that I now need to be focusing more of my time every day to getting those levels to eight nines and tens and that's how I'm going to feel really great about my life that's how I'm going to feel like I'm a success not if I just achieve a financial goal because how many stories have we heard of people who've achieved amazing successes financially but then they're miserable or you know they they have very they success came at a cost to them they became successful financially but it came at the cost of their health you know they're overweight or it came at the cost of the relationship now they're getting a divorce because they didn't put in the time into the relationship they sacrificed that for far too long so um we want that holistic view of success and I think that's life Mastery that is life Mastery and that's why I love that you named your channel Project Life Mastery from you know eight nine years ago that was always at your Forefront was like I want success in all these areas yes I well I think you know like I'm I'm a big believer though that at times you need to make trade-offs and temporary sacrifices in areas of your life in order to focus more on an area of your life because I think it's very difficult to create success while simultaneously trying to be equally balanced in every area of your life you know because to really create success Su success is like a very extreme I condition that requires a tremendous amount of energy and focus and and just going to an extreme in order to create something like that true success when I look at the success that we created it was kind of putting other areas of our life kind of a little bit on pause like not neglecting them completely but just really trying to go all in on one area of life and then once you get to a certain point then rebalancing your life and trying to ensure that when you do that you're not creating d damage to these other areas of your life in the process so for example like as you refer to damaging your marriage to the point where you're ending up in getting a divorce damaging the relationship with your kids damaging your health where now there's no coming back like we still always made sure in our Pursuit that we still did the basics the minimums of relationship is uh your health social life ET you can't completely neglect any one of these areas because if you do it will die so the key with that that that's true I that sometimes like success is almost like an addiction you have to kind of Go full in if you really want to create that financial success um but it works if the two of us are in alignment with that goal you know we both understand we're not going to have heart hurt feelings if you're working or I'm working and unavailable and we a have an agreement on when it is we're going to spend quality time together you know maybe it's not as often as we used to but for now while we're both grinding you know you have to have some level of an agreement understanding for that to work other is what ends up happening is one per person has you know decided that my goal is to make x amount of dollars and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make that without even letting their partner know of that goal and then they go all in and then they're totally unavailable and their partner is feeling completely neglected and then it's the beginning of the end of the relationship yeah yeah you definitely you have to if you're in a relationship you have to be aligned with the vision uh the direction that you both want to go what you want to create for yourselves and you have to understand and accept that Journey that you're going to embark on together and um still have a negotiation to determine your relationship you know like the way I always kind of looked at it you know because people often ask like how you kind of manage your life I think like it's actually quite simple like for your health physically you know there's a certain number of e you know a certain amount of exercise every day right so maybe that's an hour a day you know even if it's 45 minutes or maybe it's a couple days out of the week but that's are of your life that if you just commit let's say that one hour a day and then you know that's the only time that it really requires in order to really make sure that you're taking really good care of that area of your life called your health and your Fitness of course there's the diet and what you eat but that doesn't really necessarily take more time maybe preparing food or whatever it is but um you know for me like I like very efficient meals like I make a smoothie every day that ensures I get a lot of great nutrients and everything but like that's kind of all you really need to do for that area of your life and then your relationship maybe you determine with your partner that you have one or two days a week and that's date night that's the time you spend quality time together right and then uh your friends and your social life okay maybe you have you know a day out of the week where you go with your friends you connect with them and that kind of ensures that area of your life is you know at least maintained right um so there's kind of ways like for me it's never really required that much to maintain those areas my life and then with the other waking hours that I'd have I'd really just dedicate it on creating myself and the future and the business and the freedom and the results that I wanted in my life and um you know that's what I could do with all that other time that I had yeah so again that comes back to understanding what your values are what are the most important areas of life to you because most people they're totally unaware of what they value in life and so what happens is they wake up every day and they just get pulled in whatever direction is uh attracting the first you know what wherever the demands are re realistically and so like you said it it's quite easy like my takeaway from if I were a listener right now would be okay get clear on what my values are if I want to have lead a successful life you know a life that I feel joyful about then I want to get clear on my values I want to do one thing my intention every day is to do one thing for each of those areas of my life that I value whether it is you know going to the gym for 30 minutes whether it is you know having a smoothie every day whether it is reading my kids uh a bedtime story at night uh doing a meditation you know touching one small thing every day doesn't have to take up a lot of time for these areas of life and that will feel like a successful day and one successful day will compound to a week of success a month of success a year of success and you're going to feel like a successful person and it has nothing to do with how much you're earning on your paycheck and trust me when you start feeling good when you start feeling like a successful person you're going to start earning more because it's how you exude it's an energy that you now have within you that people want more of they they they they feel your energy and they are attracted to it and so you know I have a question for you why do you think that people say success breeds success or the rich get richer well I think when you get results it reinforces your confidence and your belief and that confidence belief allows you to tap more into your potential and take more action and then as you go through that cycle of getting more results then it just itself okay and then also one might say that well when you achieve some success in your life that must mean that you now have experience because you don't just achieve success overnight like there's experience that comes with that and there's also connections and so there's you know that can be pulled and used towards your next success and I think that's all true but I think what's also true and people don't really touch on is how when you achieve a goal of yours something that was important to you and you achieved it um you feel really good about that and it's that feeling good that place of feeling good that propels you towards the next place of feeling good towards the next success and so I think understanding how when you feel good life starts to get better and it's like that's why success breaths success it's it's it's how you feel and understanding the importance of how you feel because otherwise when you're unaware of how you feel often times the mind you know when we don't dissociate ourselves from our thoughts we think that we are our thoughts and that we don't have any control over those thoughts and those thoughts run wild you know the Mind Is Made for your survival it's not made for you to be happy or joyous it's made to keep you alive and so if you let that mind just run wild then you wake up in the morning the first thing in your in your mind is all these stressful thoughts these not good feeling thoughts and those not good feeling thoughts they um they bring on more not so good feeling thoughts and so it is you know like a it's a self um perpetuating and so what my what I would do is I would wake up every day and I would try and this is what I do do is I try and bring an awareness first thing to my thoughts the first thing in the morning because it's a fresh start and I think okay let me think of something that feels good what feels good anything I can be something super simple the less attachment you have to it the better maybe it's the thought of butterflies or it's the thought of the Sun or whatever it is and that simple thought of feeling good will bring on another thought of feeling good and so my goal in my day is to feel good and bringing awareness to when my emotions are changing and when my thought patterns change because we all have thought patterns and so when I'm feeling good then I can come from this place of inspiration and from a place of inspiration that's when things in life become easier that's when you start to flow Downstream and you know the things that you want in your life start becoming attracted to you whereas oftentimes people are swimming Upstream in life because we've all been conditioned to think that if you work harder that's when you'll achieve what you want and it's true the if you work hard you probably will achieve what you want but you're going to have to work hard there's another way of getting what you want where you don't have to always be swimming Upstream where you don't have to achieve what you want with so much resistance maybe it can come easier to you when you're in that state of flow and that seed of flow starts from feeling good so my top priority every day if I want to lead a successful life if I want to make more money if I want to have a great relationship is to feel good and so bringing awareness to those Feelgood thoughts and encouraging more of those to flow through me now I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel bad thoughts because as human beings I think what makes us special is that we have this emot spectrum and on this emotional Spectrum there's a million different emotions that we can feel and that's what makes us so rich that what makes us feel so um alive and we only know what feels good because we know how it feels to not feel so good and it it's that contrast that's valuable so I think when you do feel you know an emotion if you feel sadness I think the important thing is to allow yourself to feel sadness but you don't attach yourself to your sadness sadness is just an emotion and it's not who you are it's not a character trait we all have these emotions just like there's moments where you feel happy there's moments where you feel sad and accepting it allowing it to flow in your body to cycle through and you know within 10 minutes or however long you're going to feel a different emotion and allowing that to be to be there so I'm not saying resist any negative emotions but I'm saying that bring your awareness to the mind so that you can actually consciously bring in some of those good emotions and when you do that enough when you discipline the mind it will become second nature then it won't be then it won't be AA practice to wake up and and start thinking feel good thoughts it will actually come naturally to you and it'll become very easy yeah and I mean that's kind of why uh for me like what I had to do in my life because I was a very negative person I was depressed um you know when I was younger is I needed to have a ritual that I did every single morning to put myself in that state that you're describing you know I needed to do certain things because otherwise my default emotional home would be depressed you know NE negative op uh pessimistic insecure and so I needed to have a ritual where I'd force myself and have a piece of paper in front of me having questions that I'd ask myself about what am I grateful for what am I happy about what am I excited about what am I proud of in my life you know what am I looking forward to all all these questions that would direct my mind to focus on those positive thoughts and I think when you get into a great state you get momentum more positive things flow um into your life and into your mind just like how you said when you're in that negative State you start thinking about all these other problems you have in your life all the things that annoy you and you just go down this downward spiral and so um you really have to create that momentum every single morning every single day and then throughout the day and there's many different things you can do like you know for us it's not just uh that but it's you know it's going up for a walk on the beach you know getting sunlight um spending time with our son it's going to the gym it's you doing all these little things that put you in that great state absolutely but I think what's key is that you don't have to do things it's really what you're thinking that's the start of it now doing things is going to help you of course if it makes like I every day like this morning I took a walk on the beach and I was just feeling so good and I was just expressing my gratitude I had Lucas here like a bunny on my chest and just felt so good and it's from that place that you manifest what you want in your life um but I do want to touch on that you know for you it's important that you have a morning ritual for you it's important that you do these things to get you into a great state for me I do think there's a lot of value in that but I don't need to do that in the way that you do and I think that every person is different some people have less you know your hormones really rule your life and some people have less serotonin in their brain some people have um you know their their dopamine is topped out and you know maybe they have to do certain things to get themselves into that state more than others and so I think it's important to to try it out you know do the morning ritual do these things see if they really help you if you can't just wake up and feel great when you wake up then you probably need to have some rituals in your life to help Propel you well you know one one of the things that I always share is like the first thing to do when you wake up is to smile you know just that simple start off your day with a smile you know because that in a way is like one of the simplest things just using your physiology and just like saying thank you thank you for another day thank you for my life thank you I'm still here you know and that's uh you know can be challenging to do at times when you're really tired and exhausting but that's kind of unfortunately how many people wake up the alarm goes off and they don't want to get up and they want to sleep in more and hit the snooze and you know that's that that I think like how you start the day is how you end the day and like that first initial the first thing can give you an opportunity to set your day up for a win and a success and it doesn't have to be an elaborate routine or ritual or whatever it is but you know maybe just start right there yeah and again like you know you might say well I've got young kids I have to wake up and get them ready and it's all these chores that got to get done it's like okay you can still do all those things but be in a great state of mind I woke up at 5:00 am. today take care of my son you know like I'm choosing to feel good it's it's a choice and it's the disciplining of the mind and you know I had a friend over the other day for coffee and we were talking about this we're talking about being in a state of gratitude and the about power of gratitude because gratitude forces you you well you volunteer are in a state of gratitude but when you're thinking of things that you're grateful for you're in that high State you know you're not thinking of all the things that are negative and she was saying but it's so hard when you're in that that low State it's so hard to think of things that you're grateful for because you don't want to right but that's where the disciplining of the Mind comes in you have to discipline your mind you know when I'm in that low state is there something that I can be grateful for and the answer is always yes can is it for the eyes that you have that you can watch this or the ears that you have that you can listen to this right now or the toes and the feet and the arms that there's always something that you can be grateful for and yes if you play in if you live in the world where you're always comparing yourself to someone else you're choosing to focus then on your lack and the damage of that maybe it's the reality you know you you compared to this person you know maybe they do have more than you and maybe your situation is is very unfavorable but when you are playing the game of comparison and you live in that state of lack then what you are uh focusing on is what you don't have and because your energy is placed on focusing on what you don't have you're going to only have more of that you know life is the world is all energy and your thoughts have energy behind them and when the majority of your thoughts are focused on lack then there's no room in there for abundance and you're going to continue perpetuating this the same life that you have now you're never going to have a different future so the the key is to um to bring awareness to those thoughts yeah one one thing that I think about though uh one of my favorite books by David Hawkins is transcending the levels of consciousness where he describes these different levels of the map of Consciousness different levels of consciousness and the lowest levels are those of apathy guilt shame you know these are really low levels of each level of Consciousness there are certain feelings and emotions and like a world view and a reality that you live in and one thing that he describes is that when you're at those low low levels it's very difficult for you to get yourself out of those levels on your own that often times you do need a higher power that can allow you to move out of that to these higher levels and then when you are in these higher levels of consciousness it is much easier to use your will your your will and you have energy to to kind of move up yeah to higher levels of consciousness and um kind of also brings me to like the 12-step programs and things like that like often times when people are at Rock Bottom in an addiction and you know they just can't get themselves out of it on their own and I think part of the challenge is where they think pridefully and egotistically that they can solve this on their own instead it's when they surrender to that higher power and that higher power could be God the universe it could be a group it could be a person um something outside of yourself when you accept and surrender to you know through prayer or or again like a a sponsor or a coach or an event or whatever it is whatever that higher power is that's what can really help you pull yourself out of those low low levels and um I think that's also a really powerful distinction if you are in those really really low places and I know for me at times um certain things that have helped me have been you know sometimes it is like you know watching video on YouTube that spark something and brings me out of that really low state to something like you know if you're consuming a more conscious piece of content from someone on the internet and it kind of brings you out of that and then when you can kind of be in that higher place or for me it's been going to like an event going to a seminar going to like an immersive experience where you're just you know bombarded and flooded with so much positivity that it brings you to a higher place um or it is through God you know through prayer and just saying God I need you in my life you know Come Into My Life um I give this to you I Surrender this to you and then that power that spiritual power can pull you out of that and get you into a better place so I often think that that is a very useful distinction that I also realized as well um because yeah like what you described is um like like kind of like you know you have that opportunity each day to like what direction are you going to go but if day after day moment after moment year after year you've been choosing the direction of negative thought negative thought negative thought a thought pattern and your the spiral like like then now it's like very difficult to now make that different Choice all of a sudden to the positive ones and that's why I think sometimes that outside power and that force can pull you at least to the point where you can then make progress in that direction too yeah yeah I 100% agree that if you're in that dark place um it's very hard to see the light and to just you know someone listening is there and they're just hearing like well think good feeling thoughts you know they're like you know they don't like to hear that because they're in a place of suffering and so the key what what you're describing when you listen to someone like David Hawkins and just listening to him pulls you up it's because it's energy you're feeling that energy that higher conscious state so if you're uh you know let's just say for sake of um Simplicity that you're you know Consciousness level one because you're in this really dark place and someone is one step ahead of you even though they're just one step ahead of you and the you know the level of Consciousness Rises indefinitely that's going to pull you up and then one step the that's going to pull you up and that's how you can start to get yourself out of there and it goes back to what I said at the very beginning that um you know when you're feeling good that will when you're in that place of feel good more people are going to be attracted to you and it's because of that conscious being when you feel good you're really just in a high conscious State you're in alignment with your Source you're in alignment with who you are when you're not feeling good there's a dis there's a misalignment with who you who you are and who you think you are and so that's why you're not feeling good you don't feel like yourself there's something that's off and so um yeah it goes back to um it goes back to that this the state but yes I agree that those are some helpful ways too yeah you know I think there's there's a lot more we could into with that but that I think that's really useful for people and um yeah that's that's really powerful and it's kind of like the Law of Attraction what you're describing and when you have those positive emotions and you also use the power of your mind to visualize what you want and you're focus on that that combination you marry those two together and you can attract anything you want in your life things will start showing up for you and you might not know how things can turn about but I I think you know when I look at our lives and what we created in our life we essentially did that whether we're conscious of it or not you know it started with having that Vision constantly focused on what we want visualizing it seeing it in our mind again and again but also mirring that with that positive emotion and with the belief that what we want is attainable that's a key factor if you don't believe that what you want is within your grasp is within your reality then you won't take any of the necessary steps to achieving it so having full belief like you always knew right you said earlier I always knew that I was going to become financially free yeah and you had a strong belief in yourself you didn't know how you were going to do it you didn't focus on the how you know you knew that would come with time you just knew that there's something within you there's a fire within you that is going to create success in your life and so having that unwavering belief in yourself is important and you know sometimes people's beliefs in their s are so shattered you know they they they really have no belief in their themselves and their capabilities and so my advice to those people is you got to start building upon that belief and the way I like to do that is by setting small simple goals for myself um today I'm going to clean the kitchen today I'm G to spend time with my son today I'm going to mow the lawn and if I set that goal for myself it's a simple goal it's attainable I can do that today if I set that goal for myself the the key is to do it the key is to follow through and do it and then when I'm laying my head down at night about to fall asleep I'm going to feel like I set a goal for myself and I achieved it that's a check and when I do that every day for a period of time I'm now building My Success track record so then one day when I sit down and I have a bigger goal such as I want to build an online business well now I have the Success track record that tells me oh yeah well you know that time that you said you were going to mow the lawn and that time that you said you were going to clean the kitchen or go to the gym or run that marathon and you did it well you can do this too I I believe in you you follow through with what you say you honor your word and so that's how you build that self-confidence over time it has nothing to do with how you look or you know how people think of you you know that's all just you know the The Superficial confidence that really the true unwavering unshakable confidence within you is how you feel about yourself yeah you know one thing that I think really benefited me when I think back where that belief came from because I I had no reason to believe I would be successful you know I didn't have the best upbringing parents that instilled a lot of confidence or belief in me or anything like that but you know for me it was the mentors that I had it was like the virtual mentors from books and the Tony Robbins and people that i' listen to because the confidence came because I was just being told every single day by these forces that I was listening to that you could be successful uh here's how you become successful here's the mindset here's the beliefs you know like that was being fed into my mind every single day and when that is being fed into my mind every day I basically thought especially at a young age like of course I'll be successful like I'm being given the secrets of success right now at a young age when I was 17 years old listening to audiobooks listening to um audio programs and watching videos and all of that it was just feeding into my mind constantly and so I thought you know I'm 17 18 19 20 of course I could become successful by the time I'm 30 like if I just apply the things that I'm learning or or by the time I'm 40 and um that just gave me a lot of confidence and I never I never doubted it like I I was never skeptical of any of that and it was like a big part of that was just ignorance and being so naive like I just didn't know the world I didn't know failure like when I hear the stories of Thomas Edison failing a thousand times or Colonel Sanders you know feeling you know going to like thousands of doors trying to sell his chicken recipe to create Kentucky Fried Chicken like when I'd hear those stories they're so inspirational to me that I just thought okay well you know like I just I didn't fear failure I didn't fear like I I viewed failure as a good thing as part of the because I was just learning it listening to the stuff and I just believed everything and I trusted these sources and these uh people that um you know and what they were saying and so um I found that to be just really incredibly valuable to have that especially at a young age yeah I mean every successful person will tell you that they failed a thousand times and when you really understand that like wow they're very successful and they're telling me that they've had failure after failure before achieving that success you really realize that failure is just a stepping stone to success it's not preventing you from success it's it's helping you acquire knowledge experience understandings that Propel you towards that success and I would say like here's why you you The Listener can become successful a very simple basic reason why you can also be successful and it's because you're also a human being you know I'm a human being you're a human being all these success stories these are all human beings and we are all 99 what is it 99.9% identical biologically like we're all the same you know and if there's people in this world who I guarantee that you can find someone in a very similar situation than you you know yes your situation may not be ideal um maybe you don't come from the best neighborhood maybe you don't have uh great financial um uh money right now um but I'm sure that you could find someone who's in a similar situation to than you who who is a success story for example if you look at Oprah Story how did someone like her she has all these things going against her she became an incredible success and is an incredible inspiration not because she's just successful but because of her story it's because she persevered past all of these challenges all of these reasons why so many people would say oh not me oh I couldn't become a success she was able to push through all of those um and actually use them as fuel to motivate her towards her success or someone like LeBron James yeah or you know there's just so many examples of incredible people um who are successful who came from very difficult circumstances and and I think that's a good enough reason to believe that you also can be a success I actually think that it's easier to create success the the worse your circumstances and the position that you're in in many ways it's a lot easier even though let's say you would think that someone that just grew up with all this money and all these resources that person would have a higher chance of success because of where they're starting from compared to someone that has nothing and they're just down out I think one of the the the things that often is is overlooked is that somebody that let's say grew up comfortable easy life everything given to them they have all the money they have all of that to then create something with that is a lot more challenging because they don't have the why they don't have the motivation they don't have the drive they don't have that hunger and that's what most of success is Created from is that you have to have this drive and this hunger this purpose for working your ass off and when things are easy and comfortable and you have everything that you want then it's hard to get yourself motivated I can I can attest to this now of being in a position where I have everything that I want it's yeah I don't have the same motivation that I had when I had nothing yeah you know when my back against the was against the wall and I was desperate I had no choice because it was my only way of getting out of pain and that pain became my fuel it becomes the drive it becomes the motivator for you and success is not created from resources it's created from resourcefulness if you're resourceful enough you find the resources you make it happen you do whatever it takes and so if you look at some of the most successful people the rags to riches those are people that hit rock bottom you know those are people that were in the lowest points and that drive and their circumstances is what created the drive to pull themselves out of that to to transform their life so for me like I like being in that position you know because that that drive the anger the frustration of just not being where I wanted to be that was tremendous in terms of creating the life that I that I was able to create and I think that most success whether you see it from these billionaires that are in the world or whatnot I think a lot of that success is Created from insecurity scarcity fear trauma that they've had growing up as kids with their parents you know wanting to prove themselves because they didn't get enough validation from their parents I think a lot there's a lot of um I think a lot of su uccess is Created from people that psychologically you know are not in the in the best place in many cases uh because in many ways like if you grew up secure you know and without the insecurities and whatnot do you really have the drive to create success when you're like oh you know I don't I don't need to prove myself I don't need to validate myself I don't need to be I don't need to make all this money to be worthy and have the world validate me in ways like yes you can create success but it's from a much different place it's from a a different position of creating it from and I think that and and it's maybe from your passion or what's going to contribute the most or whatever but I think pain is a much more powerful motivator than pleasure and and often that pain can drive people to do things that um more often than not if you're just secure complacent satisfied happy in your life maybe you're not going to have that same level of drive not that again you can't create success I think the reason and the drive behind it is a little bit different okay so I agree with you and disagree with you on that so I agree in the fact that there's a fire within you when you are at the bottom that that Phoenix that Rises From the Ashes that is a fire that you just you can't buy it's a fire that just someone who grows up with a silver spoon in their mouth they're not going to have and that often time most of the success stories that we learn about that's the case it's it's the the the the we hear these stories because they're so inspirational and they're inspirational because uh of what they've been through to get to where they are but I think just because the majority of the stories that we hear about happen because of these um you know maybe tragic circumstances uh you know maybe the kids you know growing up in in difficult situations maybe yeah there's more you know they develop insecure relationships whatever it is I don't think that that makes them uh more successful I actually think that if so you know this goes back to a previous episode we talked about raising a secure child like my goal as a parent for Lucas my first an ultimate goal is to raise a secure child in a sense where he's growing up and I'm not inflicting these traumas on him and I'm doing my best not to shelter him of course I want him I'm try and push him to explore and to um discover the world but um I'm not going to get in the way I'm going to allow him I I want him to have a secure Foundation built with me his attachment relationship with me because human beings we are social creatures there's no way of uh refuting that we are social creatures without the attachment to a caregiver we would not survive and so this relationship that we have together is pivotal and so my goal is to build a uh solid foundation for that relationship so that he can now discover the world from a place of openness not from a place of fear not from a place of oh I'm going to you know discover the world and create success because I want to prove to my parents that I can it's from a place of wow what a beautiful playground I live in the world is my oyster let me discover let me pursue things that I'm passionate about let me discover what I'm good at and I think that from that place you can create real success not just the financial success but the real success where you're financially free but you also feel amazing because you did it from that place of inspiration and I think because so few people are secure in terms of their attachment style most most people were all up most of us we are because you know you know partly because of how we're raised and we can't blame our parents because you can only do so much with with what you know and and that's fine and I think yes it fuels us to create success but I think it's very different when you come from that place of where you truly are now it's different than what you were mentioning before where you're growing up and your success is handed down to you that's different because you there's a lot of kids who grow up in very rich families and you know the family business has passed down to them but they've got their they've got their own traumas with their parents their parents weren't available for them because they were so focused on building that family Legacy so these are very these are all different circumstances know I think like what I'm trying to get to is I think that when you have in within yourself I'm not good enough I'm not enough that's a very powerful drive and motivator that um manifests itself in people believing especially in our society that conditions programs us that the way to become enough is through materialism money social media followers Etc and that if you grow up without that I am enough yes then you're not you're not like how many people on social media you know like really are just you know doing things saying things trying to be a certain way because of I'm not good enough you know that deep insecurity that they have within themselves it it's like most human beings like because most people were not secure kids growing up they didn't um yeah they you know we all have obviously different degrees of insecurities and it's not that a kid who is grown up secure and everything uh doesn't have any insecurities but I think that's such a powerful force that drives people and I think if you were secure and um happy and just you know grew up in a a really good upbringing whatnot your s your definition of success is going to be different um you might not it's a holistic definition not going to feel like you're not going to like feel like I need to make all this money I need to have all these followers I need to like be really how all the designer clothes and cars and all of that uh because often I think that's overcompensation for insecurities that you see in the world rather that like hey you know what this is my passion this is actually what I want to do these are my gifts I want to be a musician I want to be an artist and maybe that doesn't create Financial wealth but like often times I think there are people that have created success financially or through their quality of life and happiness and whatnot but it's just regardless of what the world thinks they're doing it because that's what their passion and what their gift and what they want to create and share the world regardless of what people think Reon and for that reason they wake up every day joyous yes and that is success and and they don't care whe whether or not other people view them and perceive them as oh you're a success or you're a failure because of you know what you're doing for a career like they're they a secure confident person doesn't really care for that because they're happy doing what they're doing living their life how they want to live it because their confidence is stemming from within not from the exterior from the outside world let's give an example Lucas okay Lucas is really thriving as a as a baby he's almost one year old now and he's you know he's far beyond all of these you know m stones and and that's great and and that's on all on him but now he's thriving because when babies come into this world um they are that open book you know they're here to discover to learn that there's a sparkle in their eye because they are so um eager to you know have this adventure of life and so they come here very capable of learning um the brain of a baby is incredible how quickly they grow how much they learn if you expose a baby to uh any language during the infancy stage uh during the I don't know first year or so of their life they can learn multiple languages simultaneously can any one of us do that you know that's incredible what they're capable of doing so um their capabilities are virtually unmatched um and what happens is when they come into this world um they are this open book that has a lot of potential and Lucas is continuing to thrive because he's has a perfect environment for him so that he can Thrive his needs are being met um his emotional needs are being met and so he is now confident to conquer the world now if we look at another child who's in a different circumstance say their parents are not available or their primary caregivers whoever that may be um are emotionally unavailable um they are feeling this sense of they're not feeling attached to anyone so there's a sense of insecurity within them when they feel this sense of insecurity they're no longer able to move forward into the world with confidence now they're focused on how can I become more secure they're focused on how can I ensure that their relationship with my caregiver is secure so they're preoccupied and they can't thrive in the same ways that they should they don't developmentally hit their Milestones on time um they aren't able to um you know maybe laugh as much and smile as much as they're they're more preoccupied more nervous more anxious that's not the natural state of the baby so when they are secure they are now in a place where they can really Thrive and that's why I believe that a a child who grows up secure into an adult who's secure they're going to be um creating success much more easily than someone who isn't even though they don't have that fire I think that they will create true success in their lives from that place yeah you know I think they're not in that survival mode that many people will be in and that's kind of when you're at a higher level of Consciousness yeah you're not as preoccupied with survival and you don't have those fears of how can I survive that primitive aspect uh of ourselves that um that can drive us through fear to feel like you know we need to be secure we need to you know um have enough or whatever and if you already you know are at a higher level of Consciousness then you can create without that fear you can create you can do you can experience without that so what one question I want to ask you is building an online business you know obviously you're in a very different position now uh had you know you you the path that you took the path that I took building business we did it before having kids yeah and that was great I think that's probably the most ideal way that someone can um create their life is that before they have kids if you can create Financial Security Financial Freedom if you and your partner can have years building a Foundation doing the self-development working on yourselves create that Foundation then to bring a child into this world it will just make the experience so much easier so much better um and you know not not just for us the experience but also for your kids as well because you can be available for them you can be present you know so many parents they're not that available for their kids because they're off working and trying to pay the bills and whatnot so the question I have for you is that if you were in a position let's say where you had had Lucas you had a child but you didn't yet have the success you discovered online business you had that drive that hunger for it you know how do you think you would have gone about it how do you think you would have um pursued success would you have been able to would have been a lot harder for you do you think you still would have become successful you know what do you think that would have been like because yeah when you don't have kids it's like man that's just so much easier you know like you just you have the freedom you have the time you have the energy yeah um all of that versus when you had a kid especially a baby into your life now that especially for women will preoccupy you so much and I know there's many women out there that have kids they have you know maybe they want to have kids but they also want to create success yeah it's it's a great question and um before I answer that I I will say that like I think it is important to plan your future to the best that you can you know not everything is going to go according to plan but without they say fail to plan plan to fail and so I think that is important and in that plan in my opinion it's making sure that you delay having kids until you're at a place in your life where you've really uncovered your shadows I'm I'm putting the financials aside right now I'm just talking about your own personal development because having kids is a huge responsibility um because you are now raising the Next Generation Um of people of adults who are going to enter Society and who are either going to be contributing members of society or sociopaths quite honestly and a lot depends on how you raise those children and now how you raise those children will depend on how you were raised and any Shadows from your past that are unresolved so what I would do is I would take the time that is needed to do the self-development to do the reflection to bring awareness to who I am to really get to know oneself before embarking on the CH on the Journey of having children because if you don't heal any wounds if you don't um bring to your conscious mind any Shadows H and resolve those Shadows then you will unconsciously bring those forth into your children you know you you will it it's just it that's just what happens generation after generation so I think that that that's key now if I was in my 20s and I had a CH child and I had not yet created the uccess first of all I would recognize that yes it is going to be harder for me than it is for someone who doesn't have kids and I think that is important to be you know yes it's realistic it's probably there's more challenges that I'm going to have to face that a woman of my age who doesn't have kids just doesn't have to face because they don't have that responsibility especially with small children when you have babies and toddlers you know they really need you they really need your time they're very demanding with your time um so there's just going to be be a whole set of challenges in front of you that you know the other person just won't be facing and so I think acknowledging that and saying like yeah that that's my reality but am I going to let this me am I going to let this um prevent me from ever getting started am I going to let this get in the way of giving myself a chance at success or am I going to am I going to use this as my reason for Success um you know I could have the story of why you know this is why I couldn't do it or this is why I did do it and I think using you know children there's no better fire to light under your ass and having your own kids because especially like as a mom there's this this this mama lion Fire Within you like I you know when I became a a mother there's a part of me that was never lit before like I was always very calm and relaxed and very easygoing and you had a good time with me right I was a nice chill life and after having Lucas there's this there's this Fire Within me that like I'm a mama bear if anything happens to him I will rip your Thro it out like I am fierce now because because he's my love because he's my blood but also because he's dependent on me and I know that he's my responsibility and I want to do the best I can to take care of him so he is a great motivator to creating success and so I would use that motivation like we talked about to light that fire but I would also recognize that yes there's going to be more challenges that I'm going to be faced with and I'm going to have to work around them rather than using them to create my story of why I can't be successful and that's what a lot of people do they get caught up in their story of why they can't be successful instead of creating a story of why they will be successful so um what I would do is I would first figure out okay how well first of all I think the first year of life with a child it it's it's just very consuming you know the first 6 months forget about starting a business this is your time with baby focus on baby take care of baby very important for the attachment of the child um you know just forget about it but at the point where don't don't put the pressure on yourself at that stage I got to build a business I got to build a business because you're going to set yourself up for failure like you have to recognize your body just went through so much hormonally it's going to take you time to get back there could be postpartum challenges and you want to you know I think allowing your body to get back because it's already very stress sleep deprived all of that but you have to the the more stresses that you add on yourself the harder it will be for your body to recover and rebound so you kind of have to look at it longterm this pursuit of building a business and not be so shortsighted that man I gotta create my success and build my business right after the baby's born yeah I agree I agree and so um take that time to just be with baby and if you need to make money because you don't have maternity to leave just go and get a job don't Focus too much on building a business um I think yeah do what you can to to spend time with baby and you know and when you're with baby this is a good time to be listening to things oftentimes like I had to do a lot of contact naps like the amount of hours that I spent on the rocking chair my ass was numb and you can listen to things at that time and that's where you gather information you get inspired you learn about things because you have to understand that when you decide to build a business today it's not like you can get started tomorrow you decide to build a business and you have to now collect okay what business am I going to build what direction am I going to go in there's so many different ways I can build a business there's so many different models um you know what do I want to do what am I good at what resources do I need who am I going to follow what course am I going to buy there's a lot of information that you kind of need to collect so you can do that you know the research phase if you'd like during that time but not take any action you know you're just storing your notes in in your hard drive in your mind um and then when you get to a point where you feel good where you're emotionally mentally physically you're in that place then it's like okay now it's time to figure out how I can um take some time out of the day to be working towards building my business and so you need to figure out child care and I think one of the important things with child care for me I think is if you can have someone that the child that's going to be a constant in the child child's life to to be there for them so if it's Dad if it's um you know maybe Auntie or if it's Grandma Grandpa some a family member is of good is going to be preferential over a stranger because you know that family is going to be in their life for the rest of their life and so um ARR making arrangements to be closer to family during those times so that you can um so that you can you know hand off the child so that you can take an hour two a day to to work towards your business and and that might mean like you know moving to you know a different state if you have to because you don't realize how much you need your your mama until you have a baby I think I think like you have to look at building a business is it's going to consume your life almost like having another child like when you start a business you're having another baby and that baby just like your actual baby is going to consume the most amount of your time energy resources during that initial phase but eventually the baby becomes more independent it can walk it can connect with other people it doesn't need you as much as it initially does so your business when you do make that step and that leap and that direction be prepared that it is going to consume you even if you might think okay you know I'm going to spend an hour or two a day on my business well there's something called momentum like you're going to get into the momentum you're going to get consumed by it like when we were building our businesses it just consumed us because now you're getting email now you're getting orders now you've got to like it's very difficult just to um kind of like uh say like one hour or two hours because that becomes much more as we all know so you have to be prepared for that transition to then consume you um and require a lot of your energy and your resources so that's why I think if you can look at it as you're going to have to go through a stretch that might be 3 to 5 years maybe less maybe more I don't know but like you have to factor in that this is going to be a journey that is going to consume you it is going to take time for your business to get off the ground for you to go through the learning curve to get it to a point where that it doesn't require your time as much that that's something I think you have to understand and so I think preparing for that you know if you want to start a business you don't have to start today maybe it's not the most ideal time today but you can still prepare your mindset you can prepare like okay when my child turns one years old that you know and I can then set myself up so that that's when I can really dive into it and I can go for that Sprint and really you know dedicate the time I can set everything up in the mean time I can work on my mindset I can learn about business I can learn marketing I can listen to podcasts I can you know there's a lot of things that you can do to prepare yourself for when that time comes that's the way that I would approach it and as you said too maybe it's like okay you know what if it is going to be a stretch for a couple years okay maybe like my family is going to be an incredible resource that can assist me in this so therefore I'm going to move close to family you know I'm going to make a sacrifice over the next couple years I'm going to move off in the suburbs to a different state to a different country just so that I can have my parents nearby and they can support me with the child care maybe with my husband or you know with my partner you know we have to work things out in a way where they're going to be more the provider for our Essentials our survivor you know being um you know surviving and whatnot so that I can you know dedicate my time to this or like you have to be strategic I think and plan that and I think if you do that in advance it will set yourself up more for success rather than trying to overwhelm yourself and just be stressed and trying to do everything at the same time when it's not the most ideal stage to really go full force on it right right so I mean it is the the reality is that as your business becomes more successful it will require more of your time investment so don't think it's the opposite you know the beginning stages you're going to inv the least amount of time when you don't have customers you don't have employees and as as things grow exactly as things grow the the demands increase and when the demands increase your attention is being pulled in all these different directions and that's why as an entrepreneur you don't have a schedule you know the way an employee does where they're working 8 to 5 and they go home and they can cook dinner with and have peace of mind as an entrepreneur at 5:00 you're cooking dinner and you're thinking about the emails that you need to write and the the the promotions that you need to do the next day and all of these things your mind never turns off so be prepared for that um that's that's important um and then I think also um in terms of building the business um as a mom it's thinking of I just lost my train of thought well one thing I actually find interesting about moms you know there's like that saying that if you want to get something done give it to someone who's busy buom and it's in many cases because as parents and especially mom like you're so busy like you're used you eventually like adapt to like not getting much sleep but in in some ways I can I can actually see like you know one thing I've often heard too about that the best CEOs are often women you know because they've had kids and whatnot and like they're just kind of able to multitask so much and there's like these abilities that I think women yes have and they develop that can actually be very advantageous um to you know building a business and what not to a fantastic ability to multitask unlike men men just cannot do it um not in the same way that woman can and so that it really works to your advantage when you're building a business and there's just so many different things going on but you're able to prioritize which goes first and you're able to still you're able to do multiple things at once and also um I think what's important is is to decide what you're going to give up so if you're going to be building a business like Stefan said it is very consuming you know it's it's your child is a priority and then your business and there's not really any room for anything else if you really want to go all in to make it a success initially you know and and that's what it is like to really make something a success you really do have to go all in with it because otherwise you're just gonna you know it's just never really going to take off and so you have to decide what am I going to give up in my life and it's temporary right so maybe I'm going to give up you know some of my social life um my outing every Friday I hang out with my girlfriends maybe I'm going to give that up for a while or maybe I'm going you have to decide based on your value system right if your your child is your Top Value and then I don't know what else what are some things lower on your value system that is taking your time every day that you can now give up to use that time towards building your business because we all have 24 hours in a day so you have to figure out how can I best leverage those 24 hours that's very difficult because I think uh especially after having a baby already for example your relationship is taking a step back yeah or maybe your health you know like is taking a step back so there's all those other areas in some cases that have been neglected that you also now need to recognize okay yes there's baby and there's business but then there's also the relationship there's like but that goes back to what we're saying Mom and Dad have to be on the same page right you have to sit down with your partner you have to get clear on what it is that you both want for your family and how are you going to support each other to to achieve that goal and I think yeah that that's a really important thing you know we see this with people that have reached out to us about you know one person wants to build a business but their partner is not supportive of that you know and they think like what are you doing wasting your time trying to build an online business and so there could be conflict in a marriage and relationship with that especially when um building a business can take you away from that relationship you know your partner is working late hours at night instead of spending time with you and that could be very frustrating and I think I think like if you are going to start a business and you are in a relationship and you have a family you really have to enroll them in the vision of this share that same vision and be both willing to endure those sacrifices that you are going to have to make and and and I think creating a level of a schedule I think is important like you still have to have the time with you and your partner um I think like you know going back to what you're saying though about maybe that first year is not the most ideal time to do it and but once you can prepare okay you know now we at least have the help the child care we set that up so that way you know I can have a stretch of hours during the day to focus on business and then I can you know have that time you know when the baby goes to bed at night time then you know I can maybe do a little bit more work on my business or have some time with my partner like you have to schedule those things in because if you don't schedule it it's probably not going to happen it's not going to come together so it is I think going back to what you said it's going to be really hard it's going to be very challenging and like the the areas that I would probably first look at like if I also like when was in a position where I was a father and hadn't yet created My Success it'd be very challenging because now I have this other area of my life called my relationship with my child that I also want to invest my time in nurture and then the relationship that I have with my partner but the the things that I would first and foremost sacrifice in my life would be all of the things that I spend time doing that just have no nutritive value Netflix and chill and in fact like I went through a long enough stage in my life where I had no TV yeah because I remember you know Jim ran a motivational speaker he often you know would say to people um you know like how much did that TV cost you and the person be like oh you know it cost me $500 he's like I disagree I think that TV cost you $10,000 and the person will be like what do you mean like I paid $500 for it it's like that's what you paid for it but the cost to your life is over $10,000 because the amount of time that you're spending watching it is an opportunity cost and that instead you could spend that time making more money or focus on your business or other areas of your life and so for me like I would look at things like that where hey if I'm not yet where I want to be and I want to create this Freedom security and this life that I want then the areas that I'm going to give up is these moment you know the the ways that I escape and give myself short term gratification you know I don't yet have the luxury to have a TV and sit there for a couple hours at night binge watching something if I'm not yet where I want to be and so I would get rid of the TV and yes it's not ideal it's not you know I wouldn't want to have to go back to that but I those are the things that I had to do those are the things that you had to do is we had to give up those things those uh you know maybe an hour of sleep two hours of sleep you know there was a stretch for me where I was like I I can't afford to sleep eight hours you know I'm not where I want to be I'm going to sleep six hours every mom has already given up enough hours of sleep for not forever you know obviously you know sleeping less is going to have negative health impact on your longevity and whatnot but the time has to come from somewhere there's only 24 hours so where where are you going to take it from and you don't want to take it from your relationship with your kid your wife your business you know those things that are going to provide the most Roi for your time so instead you got to take it from things that aren't really going to move the needle much in your life and that is Maybe you know socializing with certain people and doing fun thing like you still got to do that of course I'm not saying neglecting that completely but maybe you have a day out of the week you know maybe you have Sunday day off you get to indulge you get to watch a movie with your family whatever right but you have to you have it has to come from somewhere you know and Biggers can't by the way you know a lot of people say that when they became successful the reason why they love the success is because of who they they became yeah and why do you think that is it's because on their Journey To Success they had to give up a lot of that non-nutritive stuff they had to give up the you know hours in front of the TV the hours SC scrolling social media the video games all of that stuff that did not add value to them their lives and then their day has now been composed of all things that do add value that are productive and so they like who they became because now they became this person that's really moving the needle in the Life they've become a person who's very productive with their life instead of just being you know a couch potato all day well you know when for us you know when we were in that mode the success mode we were so efficient with our time because you have to you only have so much time there's so much you want to get done and so every minute of the day it's like you don't want to waste it you don't want to want to go pee I would hold the hold in so yeah you know if I if I if I'm going to go to the gym and I'm I'm walking fast in the gym I'm I'm listening to an audio book like I'm using net time no extra time where I'm simult didn't want to waste any time cooking meals to be eating protein bars like it's that's why you take it to an extreme when you take it to that extreme yeah you don't want to spend all this time preparing a meal whatever just you know throw a protein powder in a smoothie with a banana and make us you know have a meal that way so you're Ultra efficient and focused on on that because you can just get more out of each day you can get a better RI for the day by doing it that way but but you have to also recognize there will come a time when you have created your success you have created your freedom you have created the abundance now you can take your foot off the gas yes now you can stop and smell the roses now like for me when I you know when I moved into a penth house so you didn't know me when I didn't have a TV you met me when I did and uh you know when you met me I was like right at that stage you know I bought a TV big screen I got and I didn't have a PlayStation for years and I got a PlayStation again and you know now I can indulge in some video games now I can like yeah you I don't need to I don't need to like be efficient every single minute of the day because that was a stage that I went through and at a certain point life also is about enjoying it it's about you know breathing and it's about uh being present and it's about you know having those pleasures and still balancing it you can go too far obviously just overindulging in Pleasures not challenging yourself but you have to recognize and have that belief and the vision that that time will come where you can rebalance your life and you don't have to always live that way so I think that's an important thing yeah and I mean there's another argument for a different approach where you're just always living your life in balance and you're just deciding that I'm not GNA you know I'm not going to have my goal to become financially free or super successful but instead what I really want to have is a balanced life where every day I feel really good and I feel happy and I don't have any stress in my life and I am able to give presence to every moment of the day and for some people that is the path that they want to take and there's really no right or wrong it's just you know your life is your life and you came here to have an adventure of a lifetime and you have to choose which direction you want to go in but the key is to be um on purpose and the key is to have a vision for your life because without a vision you will perish without a vision you're just going to be pulled in all these different directions and pretty soon you're going to be 80 years old and on your deathbed and have a lot of regrets because you weren't living life with intention so the key is to be intentional intentional about how it is that you pursue your life what you do on the day-to-day and not thinking that there is one right way to do things there's so many right ways to do things well you know like when I think like everyone has a different definition of success right and I think that's something that you have to decide for yourself and you have to re-evaluate it because sometimes you know we're we're in a very different level perhaps than most people and maybe not everybody cares to go to this extreme you know I think you know I I for me especially when I first started I was initially like my first goal was to make six figures actually it was first to make 60,000 a year and then it grew to like six figures and that for me is when I started to feel like I'm successful wow six figures that's a great amount of money and I think the millions more came through momentum and just like you know success breeds more success and it's just you get consumed by it and then there's such a great opportunity in front of you that it just turns into millions and millions and millions Millions but um the biggest impact in my life was making six figures and I think for most people you know making $100,000 a year would change their life and maybe you everyone has to also get to that point where they decide what's enough like at what point do I rebalance my life at what point do I you know if you're spending so much of your time and energy being consumed by business and financial goals and it's at the expense of these other areas of my life well obviously that's not going to be the most sustainable long term so at a certain point you have to decide when am I going to take my foot off the gas and then now dedicate some of this energy to rebalancing my life and living it as you described where you're just intentional every day you're enjoying every day and you know for us we you know that's been the transition for us I'd say over the last few years um in fact to the point where you know we became like semi-retired pretty much where we got to the point where it's like we were so concerned consumed by business and and making money and part of it just kind of pulls and sucks you in like an addiction and it's fun and it's engaging and you know you're super efficient and all of that super productive but we had to have the ability to recognize that um you know we also want to stop and smell the roses we want to celebrate our life we want to live our life in many different ways and not just have our life be that and um that was a really powerful experience you know it was at first scary because your ident ID it and your self-worth can be tied up in what you're doing for a career and even you know tied into how much money you're making to to be making a certain amount of money and then have that money decline rather like for us every month like the you know numbers are going up right we never had that experience where it start to go down um but to recognize the fear that would come up with that but practice letting that go and be willing to address that rather than just getting sucked back into it and you know be driven to make more and more and more I think that that's a really powerful conscious um decision to make at some point in your life and um to prioritize other values to shift your values like as we both have for being more oriented on materialism wealth followers all the egotistical aspects of life to instead valuing happiness being present um you know the things that you can't really put a price on that again that Society they don't they don't acknowledge you for you know you're not going to get a lot of followers on social media or for spending time with your family like those sort of things but they're so much more important so much more meaningful in life um that at some point you have to focus on and prioritize yeah so I think like for us making that transition was powerful and I remember for me I to I had to like deprogram myself yeah it took a while yeah like I was so used to just being a human doing rather than a human being yeah and I just had to practice practice just letting that go and it's very easy at times like when you feel bored yeah it's like oh I could just like get back into business need all my needs I feel significant all of that instead of challenging ourselves like because at some point we didn't really have many hobbies in our life like we were digital Nomads traveling it was one of the things that we decided to give up was the hobbies and and pursuing different interests because we wanted to use all that time towards business for us our top priority was our health relationships and business and everything else was you know basically sacrific for a period of time yeah well I mean like for example we were digital Nomads like our Hobby and passion was traveling and building our business and self-development and health and fitness and so we spent all of our time doing that but we never because we were never in one location for a long enough period of time we never had an opportunity to like every week like go to yoga class or you know go to like a social function and build you know build something you know get into playing the piano and so when we did like kind of retire I guess and no longer really spend any time in business you know I remember like we're just living our life in a very different way we started doing art you know got into paint I had no idea that you're such a great artist like you just incredible the artwork that you do and you were able to express that side of yourself that you kind of neglected in a you know you kind of were able to experience your creative side through your business but be able to just like it feels so inefficient to do it you know as the mindset we had before it's like I'm going to sit there for a couple hours and just do you know paint something rather I could put that into my business I could do something make more money I would say that was my favorite part of having my business was was the product development was bringing out that artistic side through product development and I felt like it was very rewarding because I would actually you know financially benefit from it but to you to express that artistic side on paper painting something and drawing something to me was a waste of time because there's no financial gain from it and so I think what what I had to do was a huge mindset shf to go from you know every day my my programming was to open my computer and to be super productive and I had to like slowly do fewer hours every single day you know it's like okay now we're going to end work at 5:00 p.m okay and then it was like okay now we're gonna end work at 3 p.m. okay now we're going to start our day at 10:00 a.m. instead of 8 am. you know like slowly transition to doing less work and I would feel very unproductive in those initial stages it was it was a very uncomfortable feeling because what was comfortable was being productive what was what felt right was moving the needle in my business and it was very strange it was it was very difficult because I didn't know what to do with myself because I was so used to doing this one thing I was so condition to doing this one thing that to not do it just felt wrong and so it took me time to figure out what I can use this time this new found time what can I what can I do with this time because everything just felt so unproductive to to me oh you know drawing oh playing piano oh um you know going on a walk whatever it was it just felt like very unproductive and so I had to have a mindset shift where I saw like no that is productive that is you know how about you know I I use this to uh grow in a different way of my life in a different area of my life H you know bringing presence to my day you know slowing down not checking the clock all the time there's a lot of value in that and so starting to recognize the value in that and and making less money and getting less results and being okay with it yeah and at first that was difficult because I remember one time you asked me um you know how much would you feel comfortable with bare minimum making every month do you remember that yeah what did I say $100,000 yeah I like I would not feel comfortable making less than $100,000 a month yeah and like I meant it because I was making so much more and then you know as to go from where you were to like anything less 100,000 a month felt unacceptable yeah and it sounds crazy to someone listening now and it sounds crazy to myself now but in the position that I was where every month my income was growing like it was like you know every month you're like doubling or tripling because your business is just growing so exponentially it's it's insane like the growth that you can have through your own business it's just completely different than the growth that you experience uh being employed at a job uh it's hard to wrap your mind around but anyways to to kind of give that up I didn't give it up but to like slow down and to accept the financial um loss I guess of that so that I can pursue other things in my life and so I think that was a very conscious decision of us I think it was it wasn't easy but we realized that greater good yeah there's other areas of life that are more meaningful and we've now you know mastered this one area of life we're satisfied with that we've you know like what more is there you know there's always going to be another level but we recognize that it's a hamster wheel that you're you're never going to jump off if you don't become aware yeah and I think that sometimes I feel like people maybe don't understand that because sometimes people like hey why aren't you selling on Amazon or you know why aren't you still like because there's so so many opportunities like and there's opportunities that we share and wholesaling there's so many ways you can do it but people don't quite understand because they're I think in that mode that we were in to where they're you're overly consumed by those opportunities and you feel like if you don't take the opportunity then you're leaving money on the table and you're missing out and consum by that and so they don't maybe realize that we're just in a very different position but I think what everyone has to understand is what got you to where you are is not necessarily going to get you to where you want to go and for us because we have a greater vision for our life we knew really where we wanted to be and that creating the success and financial abundance was just a stepping stone in the journey towards wherever you ultimately wanted be and that is just uh you know the the means to that end rather than you know the end to the means and so I think um recognizing really where what you really want why are you starting a business why are you making this money you know like what is all this for and I think a oftentimes people when they first start a business I think they can be focused on that but get lost in that you know like At first it's like well you know I want to start a business so that I can have more time with my kids you know I can have more time with my partner well the reality is or not initially but you get so consumed by it that you lose sight of like why you started it in the first place like why you want to create Financial Freedom so that you can retire young you know you can you know work the four hour work week and you have all this time to now spend your life doing all these other hobbies and passions and things that you want to do that you you know you want to spend your time doing so it's not losing sight of that big picture of why you're doing this in the first place but also one reason that people um they they get so intertwined in what they're doing they get so they're just so busy you know they're just needed by everyone all their employees they're being pulled and so many they just don't have the time for their initial intention was to spend more time with their family and they've lost sight of that because now they're just they're just so in demand and they they don't have the time for that so it's almost like you have to you have to foresee that and you have to think of okay how can I um how can I you know Outsource things and how can I not be the bottleneck of my business so that I can remove myself from the business so that I can have that freedom that I always wanted and I think like I I will also clarify not everybody like there's obviously certain people that their business for them ultimately it's like that's their passion and so they don't ever want to retire they don't ever want to you know get to that point that I you know might be describing where they rebalance their life in the ways that we are uh I mean I personally think a balanced life um leads to more fulf fing life like I often see billionaires that neglect their health their marriage their kids all of that you know and maybe they just love what they do so much they're not doing for the money they're not doing it for the reasons that we describe but it's just like they're passionate the reason that it's what they love is because it's all they know because they spent so many years before that just doing walk away from it and moving away from it exactly and it's their identity it's the significance there's a hidden fear underneath that's you know stuff you know maybe there's psychological things too that it it is like an addiction in many ways I have a friend who um she's like this she's created a very successful business and doing really well and she like it consumes all of her time and whenever she like she has kid she has a family and I don't think she spends much time doing these other things and she just she just thrives she loves her business so much because it's meeting all of her needs at really high levels and when she looks at other areas of her life I think she she feels like well my needs aren't being met at those high levels and whenever whenever you have something in your life that's meeting your needs at high levels you're going to develop an addiction to it you're going to you're going to want it you're going to pursue it there's not going to be any resistance to pursuing it and so when when your work your business what you do for a living meets your needs at high levels it's it becomes effortless it becomes what you want to do all day um and then I think though the key is realizing that and realizing that even though I love doing this maybe I do need to take some time aside so that I can focus on some of these other areas of my life and make those areas amazing and incredible too because I've mastered this area you know I know this area really well and I'm saying that I don't want to spend time doing these other things um only because they don't fulfill me in the same way or only because I fear them there's an underlying fear of like oh it's going to require effort it's different you know and I think you you have to be you have to look at your life really you have to really look at your life and keep score and think okay what area is really dropping right now you have to be honest with yourself and ask herself am I avoiding something yes am I avoiding my relationship by saying to myself oh you know I need to I need to make more money I need to focus on my business but really it's because you feel insignificant in your relationship you feel like you have you don't have control in your relationship so you know if you look at let's say the six human needs that Tony Robbins talks about there's certainty there's variety there's significance there's 's love there's growth and there's contribution those six needs and many times many cases you know in your business the needs that you meet are certainty you have a sense of security a sense of control over that versus your relationship with your kids you don't really have as much control you know you uh in your business you're like a dictator right you call the shots you get it you know control everything in relationship you don't have that it's more of a democracy you have to negotiate there's another person other people involved in that so many times people feel more certainty than they do in their business or their job than they do in their relationship where maybe they feel uncertain they feel not enough or whatever it is you uh get more variety in some cases because the business your job so many things that you can do you know all these things happening versus at home can feel like you know quite of boring or you know not as much things that stimulate you uh you feel more significance in some cases from your business because you have all these employees and customer they look up to you you feel like you're making things happen versus at home you know maybe in your marriage again something you could be avoiding is like you know you don't feel significant to your partner they don't they don't put you on that pedestal they don't compliment you they don't praise you they're you know like all things or oftentimes like a lot of moms um they want to pursue a business because they feel like their job as a mother is not being rewarded it's not being recognized I'm just a mom and if they were to to a career or a business you know then they would really be recognized you go to you know you go to like an event or whatever and people say well what do you do you're like oh you know I'm just I'm just a mom yeah so they don't feel significant but if you said oh you know I have this business they're like oh wow like they're going to respond to you our society values you know success which is a shame because really I feel like being a mother is the the greatest job most significant job in the world it is it is it's like you're raising a human being you trying try and do that with your business yeah yeah and you know other needs as well you know connection and love you can me that through your business uh growth like you're growing a lot so it's your business your job your career oftentimes becomes something that many people are consumed by also because they're trying to escape and avoid they're good at it you feel confident you just have all these needs being met versus at home you know it's an area of your life that might be weaker and maybe there's not that passion that excitement or maybe whatever else and so you have to I think have the awareness of that and to say okay you know what my relationship is really the most important thing that's the foundation for my family that's you know I want to set an example for our kids like one thing that I I love with Lucas is I love you know we consciously spend a lot of time holding each other kissing each other hugging each other and we want Lucas to see that we want our our kids to see what love love is we want them to see the parents happy together that has a powerful imprint on the psyche of that child so that they grow up and they value that and they know what love is and they don't just you know only get that from their parents but they can see another Dynamic of that and the role model from that and he loves it he always has a big smile when he sees us yeah so I mean like that like it's so important so um there are ways of course though that you can meet your needs outside your business and and that's hard when that is the source of your needs and that's why you have to be careful to um to to to real realize this and how to rebalance yourself and I think so much of the success world the success Niche the self-help books you read the YouTube videos Etc it's conditioning you it's programming you to be as we described these Uber productive Ultra efficient human beings or human doings I should say but you also have to recognize there will be a time where you maybe have to deprogram yourself from a lot of that and you have to recognize the uh beliefs that you created that support you and being successful that might not support you and being as fulfilled as you want to be and that's kind of the journey that we've B been on is reprogramming reconditioning ourselves rebalancing ourselves finding ways to meet our needs in many different ways which is very challenging at first but one of the things I've Loved about being retired and just to clarify um you know over the last year or so you know like I was in a position where creating content every week and having all these employees and pretty much over a couple years let go of a lot of my employees just have one customer support rep have you know video editor and whatnot whenever we need it but just simplifying to the point where my business I spend maybe no more than a couple hours a month on it so it's more administrative type stuff and maintenance stuff but not really you know there's a stretch I haven't published a video on YouTube for like five months you know like haven't done really much in business and um but you know the gift of that has been what's allowed us is kind of open up all this time to then spend doing things that we never would have done before doing things that have brought so much joy and fulfillment to our lives you know getting into all the different Hobbies trying things that we never did getting into tennis and golf and piano and going for walks in the beach and swimming in the pool and building a house all the Spiritual Development that we've done and the books we've read and um being present you know in the moment in our lives and all these other things that when I look at it like that's really what life's about you know life is about enjoying each day and being happy and being fulfilled and now I think one uh thing I remember being conflicted with with this idea of retirement is oftentimes people say well you know if you're going to retire then you're just going to wither away you know and uh I remember like insurance companies the statistics show that men when they retire they end up dying several years after and so I used to be more in the mindset like I'll never retire you know like I'm always going to be go go go um but then I realized business a job work is not the only way to keep yourself engaged in life it's not the only way I think the the main thing is to be challenged in life to have goals and still have things that challenge you because otherwise if you don't challenge yourself you will wither away you know if you just sit in the bed or on a couch all day your mus your muscles will atrophy yeah they'll atrophy and deteriorate because you're not fighting against the resistance of gravity and so for me though what I looked at it as there's many ways that I can still challenge myself you know physically going to the gym getting different activities building a house you know obviously having kids is very challenging um you know starting new things learning a new language all of those things are ways that you can still challenge yourself and keep yourself engaged and so I don't really experience boredom in a sense because for me like there's so many things that I feel like even now with all this time not working I want to do like I feel like personally like man I you know we just built this house there's so many parts of it that I'm not yet enjoying I got use my sauna more I'm not using the cold plunger enough man I'm not using the beach enough I got a stand up paddle board right there I've only used it once I've got two kayaks we haven't take out the kayaks yet you know I've get a golf course right here I haven't been on the golf course you know tennis and like but my point being like sometimes people are like aren't you bored like what do you do all day if you're retired like there's countless things to do that I'd like to do and so that's not really an issue you know it's it's great to though be in a position where it's like like that's a high quality problem you know that's a first world luxury problem to have to have so much time but there's like there's so much life to live and to experience that um but I think like that's what life's about it's living life rather than just being consumed on the rat race um you know doing things that don't bring the most fulfillment and joy to your life and I think taking steps away from business and rebalancing have been one of the most valuable most conscious things that we did and yes we don't make as much money we don't have as many views we're not as popular now but to be able to let that go and uh overcome the fears of that have been also a very powerful growth and spiritual experience as well and so I wouldn't trade that for anything and uh it's not to say that you know now like we're doing a podcast and you know maybe some projects we'll do in the future and business opportunities Etc but we're doing it from a very different place we're not doing it because we're addicted to it we're not doing it because we're trying to you know get somewhere from it we're doing it out of passion and love or contribution or growth the the reasons of which ultimately I think we all want to get to as the why of why you're doing what you're doing and um doing it because you want to rather than because you have to and I think you get consumed in this world where you're like I have to do this you know you feel the pressure the stress and responsibility of that and I think for both of us our businesses became that where it's like man I have to put out a video this week I have to send an email to my list I have to say yes to this opportunity because of a financial gain that it's going to give you rather than you know what do I really want to do with my day with my time with my life and um that's a that's that's real Freedom you know freedom of of choice and time yeah yeah yeah human beings uh we need a purpose and it's until the day we die we need to have a purpose uh for our life young people are always looking for their purpose um looking outside of themselves for their purpose which is the wrong place to look but we're all looking for purpose and meaning in life and um if you retire sometimes you you lose that purpose especially if you had a lifelong career it feels like you've really lost your purpose in life so I think that if you do retire it is important to continue to challenge yourself like you said but also continue to um find purpose in your life and yeah I think that's probably one of most challenging Parts is the change in identity yes an identity crisis that you can have and especially I think being a mom too it's a different identity that you're taking on and you can feel like you're very attached to your old identity yeah and you want to preserve that identity and you don't want to lose it there's fear when you lose a part of that identity and ultimately you know it's realizing that you're not defined by a career you know or by a certain amount of money it's not having your selfworth and and and who you are you are so much more than that and stripping away and letting go of these self definitions that we create for ourselves these belief systems which can serve you in many regards but can also limit you in others and so it's being aware of how we formulate these beliefs and not being too attached to being a certain person or being a certain way and uh yeah being willing to reinvent yourself finding a new purpose and yeah it's definitely can be challenging it can be and nothing is permanent and realizing that there's nothing permanent about life life is a is meant to be uh ever flowing unending I mean the universe is constantly expanding there's no ceiling that you're going to hit and realizing that there's nothing about you that's permanent from the hairs on your head to the cells you know your skin is constantly renewing it like everything about you I think every seven years you're like biologically a totally different person um so not holding on to any identity to any way of being realizing that tomorrow is a new day that anything new is possible and be anyone you want to be anyone you want to be and this the next moment this moment this moment yes you have a choice to be make a different decision to think differently to be differently but we're holding on to and still attached to our old identity and beliefs and comfort zone and all of that but when you realize that this moment moment you know you can be anyone you want to be you know that's very empowering yeah it's liberating it's it's realizing that the past is the past and it's only it's only the present it's only the future if you choose to hold on to it if you choose to not let go and so if you want to create a new present and a new future for yourself I mean the future doesn't exist so really a new present for yourself it's deciding I'm going to let go of that and I'm going to recognize that I'm renewed I'm new I'm whole and I'm going to choose I'm going to live my life on purpose purp and um and yeah just to wrap up soon um what would you say for you now as a mom talk a little bit bit about the identity shift and also some of the new ways that you are meeting your needs because you were you know the Tatiana James on YouTube and you know obviously you have a lot of views and subscribers Etc and as we just described many women can struggle with the significance of being a mom but one thing that I've observed from you is um you obviously have gone through some challenges with that but also like you've taken a lot of Pride and significance in being a mom and seeing how developed Lucas is the results of that and also the significance like you for example cook a lot prepare meals a lot and you know I'm more in the mindset of Outsourcing a lot of that stuff because you know I'm not a big fan of cooking but for you it's like the significance of like you're going through you know an online course about nutrition all these things because you feel a sense of significance being able to give that gift of health and vitality and well-being to your family and be able to provide that and um yeah like can you just talk a little bit about that for yourself yeah um well I would say of course um the transition from being you know who I have known myself to be all these years to now becoming a mom it's a major transition in life it is the butterfly the the the um the caterpillar who turns into a butterfly I literally you know when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly their face literally splits in half and they shed their entire body there's nothing of their previous body that exists they become a totally new transformed self and I think that's what happens to every woman who becomes a mother and I think where the suffering comes in is in the attachment to that previous identity the identity that it's gone it's it's you can't grab hold of it it's gone you've now become a butterfly and you haven't realized that you're a butterfly yet you don't realize how beautiful you are you can't see yourself but you're you're searching for your previous identity and I think the key is to let go of that the sooner that you let go of that attachment the more quickly you're going to realize your new potential and the more quickly you're going to realize that you you're you you have a new identity that you can now create for yourself and so um at first I was holding on I thought I could still be that Tatiana James who was before having a child I thought I could still be her I thought there was parts of me that would change parts of my life that would change but I could still have some of that past and Society also told me oh you shouldn't let go of everything you shouldn't you know give up everything for your child like you know you want to have something for yourself but I was like I realized that that's not true like you do you do change everything about you changes every cell in your body the way think it just you become mom and um so I I gave up on that old Tatiana James and I was like okay that's not who I am anymore and that's a good thing that's a blessing I'm now so much more and I realized I'm Tatiana James 2.0 Tatiana James who's now a mother and becoming a mother has given me so many new qualities like I said earlier one of those qualities is being this like Fierce Mama Bear there's this fierceness Within Me This Fire Within me that I didn't have before where it's like you know threaten my child in any way and you know it will be the end of you not not literally but you know like there's this like toughness in me there's this like uh this fighter in me now that I didn't have before and I'm actually really respecting that and I'm seeing the value in that and there's also this really caring and nurturing side of me that's come out um I've always been that way but way more so like I don't actually like cooking but this nurture within me is is so strong that I'm like I'm going to damn well learn how to cook because I want to provide the most nutritious meals for my family you know and and I love what's rewarding is just seeing how it is you know I am creating like today I yesterday I made a gluten-free bread homemade bread for you guys and it tasted delicious and it's like I'm I'm putting dinner on the table and it feels good and you know it's not just like a quick you know meal so um yeah there's a lot of qualities now that I'm I'm forming a new identity you know I'm not quite there yet where I really know who I am I don't think I ever fully know because I'm always transforming I'm always changing um you know for you to say I love you for who you are what that really does is it puts me inside a box saying never change because I love you for who you are now not realizing that every day I'm growing every day I'm changing who I am next week who I am a month from now is going to be different than who I am now so really um I I I'm I'm kind of piecing together this new version of me and taking my time to do it and appreciating all these new sides of me appreciating how I'm so much more present in my day like I used to be so impatient um because it was all about productivity for me and now it's like you know when you have a toddler he's loving he just wants to walk everywhere you really have to hold his finger he holds my finger and I walk around and you know half an hour goes by where we're just walking around and he's looking at the bushes and stuff and it's like okay bringing presents Pres to this moment and like I actually think I'm so much wiser so much greater so much more conscious because of him and that's why I feel like children are really a great gift and Children Are Spiritual teachers for us because they do help us to slow down they do help us to realize um you know become more in alignment with ourselves and they show us this light they have this twinkle in their eye the spirit within them that's so alive so new so fresh and we recognize that and that's why I think so many people love babies and love kids because they see that and they see the beauty of them that that Soul they see the the eye is the window to the souling and just pure Consciousness yes and they're just so open and free there's nothing that's hindering them they're there's no identity that they've formulated for themselves yet that and like I was saying earlier when you're conscious Consciousness attracts people right and you're going to become an attractor to everything you want in your life a child the reason that we're so attracted to a child is because we see how conscious they are and we our ourselves as conscious human beings we want that we want to become more conscious that's our LIF lifelong um uh goal you know unconsciously or not is is this goal to become more in alignment with our source with who we are and so um yeah so I recognize that and like I'm like wow this is so amazing he's so amazing and I'm learning so much from him and um yeah I mean I don't even remember what you asked me yeah well think you know also um that yeah that the spiritual growth and the direction of going in where not even you know we all have these needs and the need to be significant and in that previous life you know that was maybe a more of a dominant need and you still meet that need now as a mom as uh you know taking care of the family and all these other things even doing a podcast like this you know reconnecting with publishing everything once in a while it's a way to meet that but as you continue to grow spiritually you're not as driven by the need to feel significant you you're not as driven by the need to feel certain and in control of things you are um more free just to and comfortable with yourself secure within yourself that hey you know I don't need to prove anything I don't need to make more money I don't need to have all these followers or you know things like that and I like great it's great to inspire and share and give and contribute but I'm doing it from a much more different place and it sounds like you've been able to re evaluate your identity recreate your identity to this new one but it's a new one this Tatiana James 2.0 is a more complete more full more whole more balanced version of yourself and maybe that's not like what against Society because you know one thing that is always interesting is I think um a lot of women can be put on a pedestal who are like these super entrepreneur moms you know like they have three four kids and they're like a multi-millionaire you know and like you see them out in the world like running these massively successful businesses while also being parents but you're only really seeing one side of the story one side of the picture because again in society we're going to overvalue people that have success and when you attach mom to that you automatically might assume oh wow like that's great that you're also a mom that's amazing but you don't necessarily know what you know how involved are you as a mom like do you just basically have you don't know what the cost are yeah you you you know like yes you can be a super successful mom entrepreneur but then have you know never be present in your child children's lives have housekeepers and nannies and all that take care of that not have a great relationship with your husband um not really be optimizing your health your Spiritual Development living in the present moment all those other things and so um yeah there's there's tradeoffs and there's certain things like that and unfortunately Society doesn't necessarily acknowledge or value as much someone um who who I guess has it all and has that balance because you can't really measure happiness and a great marriage and a great you know being a great mom like those are things that you can't really quantify in the same way as you can having a successful business and having a lot of money you know so it's like you if you are going to go down that path that is the more fulfilling the more spiritual path you can't be concerned about what Society thinks of you because Society will always kind of keep you in that level of Consciousness that is consumed by ego materialism uh Su like all of what Society tells you what success is rather than defining what your own success is going to be and pursuing that regardless of what everyone else thinks regardless of whether or not the world gives you any props or any significance what you're doing or how you're being but you know within yourself I'm living true to myself I'm living the life that I want to live and it doesn't matter how you know what other people think of that yeah you know yeah yeah and I mean also it's it's recognizing that um it's a very cultural thing there you know when you travel this is a great learning that you have is you realize that different cultures do things differently and different cultures don't value success in the same hardcore way that we do in North America um and really realizing that yeah it's just one way of life and um I do think it is uh it's a shame that moms uh oftentimes don't feel significant enough just being Mom because again it is the most significant role um but yeah my my wish is that is that moms can recognize how how significant that position is and how how great that responsibility is and I wish that society would honor moms more for that and um yeah there's a lot of like there's a lot of great mom bosses out there and I think that's fantastic I'm all for that um but don't be naive into thinking that any of these women have done it by themselves um the women who do have these really large businesses are building these Empires they have a whole team of people to support them they have nannies they have chefs they have um chauffeurs they have they have their husband often times stays at home and watches the kid so that it's a a switch of rules um very few cases have I ever seen where it's like the mom is not only building uh you know an Empire but also is at home doing the traditional role you know of a mom so it's it's just realizing that don't don't fall into the illusion that you can have it all because usually you can't well you know it's interesting because I think like and I think you've been through this as well um you see these figures and you want to be like them right like especially when you're younger you're like I want to be like Tony Robbins I want to be like Barbara corkran you know from Shark Tank I want to like you know because you see um or the celebrity you know maybe you see the celebrity you're like w I want to be like them but as you get closer to being like them you actually then realize certain things that maybe you couldn't really see or understand initially and um that for me was really humbling and eye openening and um like even for example for me there was a stage of my life I wanted to model Tony Robbins he was my father figure he was like my idol growing up and so um I wanted to be like him but as I've had a chance to meet him and and have you know gone down that path and also like kind of come into my own and learn about myself more I've actually come to accept and and be okay with like no I don't want to be that I want to be my own self I want to live my life differently in these different ways and you know for example you know Tony Robbins he's like this Larger than Life person that comes a lot of tradeoff with the way that he's decided to live his life of not being as present in his kids' lives or you know having so many employees and the stresses that can come with that the responsibility that comes with that you know a variety of things that maybe you don't initially realize until again you've kind of experienced some of that and now that I've gone in that direction and built a big business and all that those experiences have been incredibly valuable because now I've been able to take from that and make the decision of like how I really want to live my life and modify my vision and my values to one that is more fulfilling for me and I remember for you there's also stage where you're like wow I want to be like that girl you know that woman who but then I think as you've matured and now also having a child like you've been able to uh no actually like I wouldn't want to trade places with that person I wouldn't want to be that famous and go through what they're going through or whatever it is so I think that's really valuable that comes through maturity and development and Spiritual Development and all that is that you can be who you really truly want to be rather than what you believe is going to make you feel the most significant or whatever it is you know yeah wow this has been a really great uh episode it's been a lot of different topics we've covered yeah it's been fun yeah it's really uh interesting to discuss these things and to go deep in these ways but I think it's good to be aware and conscious and to think about these things about our lives and and this uh journey and the path that we're all on and this continuous journey and yeah who knows what we're all be a decade from now and and further so it's hard to it's becoming harder and harder to plan the future I mean you really can't even plan three years from now just because of how quickly technology is evolving um so yeah I mean you do your best to to have a plan to have a vision and just realize you know be open things are going to change and that's okay um but you know have some de some direction yeah okay so we're gonna wrap it up and so um thank you guys so much for your time today always a pleasure to connect with you guys um of course subscribe and uh hit the like button on YouTube if you're watching this Tatiana James uh you can find her on YouTube and then Project Life Mastery on YouTube as well as you search anywhere for your podcast Project Life Mastery or Tatiana James and uh we hope that you guys uh continue to listen to more um if there's any questions that you guys have uh share them in the comments and uh we'll as we do more videos and episodes like this we'll dive more into specific questions that you guys have you know whole variety of different topics that we want to get into at different points whether that's Health relationships again more business finances whatever it is uh happy to share and discuss a whole variety of different things so all right see you later all right thanks guys take care

Channel: Project Life Mastery

Views: 5,877

Keywords: stefan james, project life mastery, investing, investing strategy, investing mindset, success, motivation, passive income, online business, tatiana james, retirement, laptop lifestyle, financial freedom, podcast, entrepreneur, luxury

Id: faNF843NNrQ

Length: 143min 22sec (8602 seconds)

Published: Mon May 20 2024