Nora McInerny Purmort – You Do Not Have to Be Good

hi I'm Nora um you might know me from the internet or you might just think you know me because like you went to college with a tall blonde girl and like you think we all look alike and I'm not offended by that but she might be so to make you feel like I was intelligent I stole the title of this presentation from the poet Mary Oliver and her poem wild geese which is best known on Pinterest sorry Mary a little bit of important background about me in 2014 I miscarried a baby seven days later my dad died of cancer of the everything as they put it and six weeks later my husband Aaron died of brain cancer so of all the talks this probably give me the most fun I'm in assume it's like and since Aaron died have heard these words a lot and I think it's because I didn't take his clothes and stuff pillows in them and make them cuddle me because he was so thin I couldn't get couldn't get it to work and this is Aaron he had two brain surgeries a million chemos more blood taken than I knew a person could make and he never complained once and if he never felt sorry for himself how could I feel bad for me like I'm alive easily I would say if ever there were a time to be handed some shitty feelings and chill with them that was it but I didn't I started a non-profit I wrote a book and not to like one-up Gracie but I got my photo taken with a hamster on my shoulder that's because like so many of you my default mode is capable I can wake up in the morning get dressed raise a child on my own but not because it's easy because it has to be done they like make you wear clothes whatever it isn't easy it makes guys it makes you do weird things like make a list of every news ever wrong do since your husband was sick or died first and last names intend to burn it but instead forget it in the seatback pocket of an airplane good luck but we want it to be easy and we tell each other and subtle and not so subtle ways that it should be like take your lemons and make some sugar free organic grass-fed lemonade and it's easy to say when they're not your lemons it's real easy the people who are the most persistent and they're like get the over it nests where people whose husbands and dads and second babies were still alive so like people who are super qualified to give me advice like thanks for that this slides blowing your mind we can't dwell on it it's true and it's also true that these things might teach you a life lesson but they're also just as capable of just beating the ever-loving out of you and leaving you physically mentally and emotionally exhausted but we don't like to say that because we don't like to look at hard things we want hard things to be over so they can be a success story and we can all be ok and we're still waiting for this one every day and that goes for me too I spent my whole life trying to be brave and like upon it acted like uncomfortable feelings could just be avoided like an acrylic sweater like I'm too sensitive I can't wear that so Irish I am no they aren't let me tell you they are not and the harder you try to avoid them the shittier they're going to feel when they catch you and they will catch you and they're gonna chafe just like that sweater what I'm trying to say is sorry because so many people end up in my inbox and they are lost in the darkness they don't know what to do with their last name or their wedding ring or this rot that they feel inside them because they think that they have to be better and happier and more positive like me but no I do not wake up like this this is not my natural setting this is a garden that I have to tend to every day and if you've been to my house you know that I'm not like a gardener not good at it and I'm not saying this to you because I'm unhappy if you asked you know my therapist or my doctor or like my lexapro they'd be like Norris happy-ish I'm saying this because I'm not special and this happens to everyone if you're nodding like yeah something bad happened to me another bad thing is going to happen to you it happens every day and it always happens to someone else until it happens to you and when it does and again like it will don't be threatened you're not required to have that thing teach you a life lesson to have it transform you that is not the standard for suffering I am NOT the standard for suffering the standard for suffering is surviving period it's not your job to take your lemons your suffering your life and make them more palatable for anybody you don't owe me or anyone else a glass of lemonade thank you

Channel: IgniteMPLS

Views: 5,016

Rating: 4.9565215 out of 5

Keywords: Ignite Minneapolis, Nora McInerny Purmort, Still Kickin

Id: pzP-CuVT-9Y

Length: 5min 24sec (324 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 06 2016