NOOB'S GUIDE to SKARSNIK

welcome to a noobs guide to scarce Nick this is scarce Nick king of eight peaks greenest Gobbo under the mountain an avatar of Mork or possibly Gork as the most cunningly brutal green skin and Warhammer it's only right that scarce Nick be offered as a playable Lord in the king and the warlord DLC for total war Warhammer because nothing says awesome like a beady eyed green Napoleon accompanied by lassie the hellhound who prowls the underway so high on magic mushrooms they could solo climb Mount Everest yet most people only know him from yet another generic Warhammer lore book hey Games Workshop I have a pitch for you a downtrodden solo axe is abused for years until he pulls himself up by his bootstraps with endearing pluck and clever retorts in the end he becomes a champion of his people and everyone is forced to recognize that he was always a diamond in the rough $5.00 if you can guess which Warhammer Disney Princess I'm in this time but that's not fair to scarce Nick he's exceptionally clever as far as goblins go even if that's like being the smartest chimpanzee in the zoo but a poop flinging Sherlock Holmes still gives your average stunty a run for their money taking a page from Tiger king scarce Nick redeems himself with a fashion sense that would make Liberace's eyes water looking like he's escaped from a German pleasure dungeon with a kappa road designed by bad dragon flopping around on his head and a couple of irish ticklers glued on there for good measure but what really ties the outfit together is the fashion bandana of beard scalp dwarf around his neck that leaves no doubt that scars nick spends every day neck deep in gushing dwarven under ways scarce Nick's life story can be tracked down to the minute thanks to an account given by the Imperial playwright Baron bond Bikash dot also called a lame narrative framing device created by writer Guy Haley who begins scarce Nick's story by having him crawl out of the ground a hyper-intelligent mushroom and ignoring sensible forms of procreation and I won't besmirched this video by weighing in on goblin reproductive practices here instead I'm gonna save that for an Oryx video but by the end of the novel scarce Nick is a 4 foot tall master fine who has worked his way up the crooked moons goblin tribe through the untimely yet wholly inexplicable deaths of rivals culminating in that time when war boss Everett dung strangler had an improbable yet terminal encounter with a jug of lamp oil a nest of cave Hornets and scarce next token pet squid gobbler all in quick succession this same table appears in the game as scarce Nick's constant companion but don't let demonic pac-man's charm and good looks fool you he goes through men faster than Taylor Swift and with the help of this walking mouth scarce Nick succeeded in becoming warlord of carrot eight Peaks adorn stronghold held by goblins Dwarfs or Skaven depending on which room you happen to wander into at the time the quest to dominate this dank dark paradise dominates the lives of three playable Warhammer Lords in game each striving to claim the best holes for themselves and instead finding themselves pounding away at each other in the worst three-way in history quake head taker of Clan Moore's controls the deepest depths and constantly thrusts upwards into the dwarf hold like a power bottom scarce Nick himself wants to spread the doors of carrot eight peaks wide open and Superman in from the top and caught in the middle of this Eiffel Tower of death is bela gar iron hammer a pint-sized bear who is renowned for never quitting even when he's taking a pounding and it turns out was actually no word for pint-sized bear so I humbly submit koala but the reason these three Lords are willing to play guess whose pickle is in my mouth now is that carrot eight peeks in game offers a unique building chain for each of them and for scar snake it rebuilds the dwarf holed into a fortress tougher than Dolly Parton's bra straps and lets you finally recruit orcs did I mention that green skin society is a caste system on steroids and that without this supreme achievement scarce Nick doesn't have any orc units available to recruit because even though they all may share that same distinctive verdant skin tone green skins subdivide themselves into orcs goblins and snot links with orcs being larger than men goblins a bit shorter and snot Ling's not appearing in the game so they don't actually mater by default works don't respect any green-skinned that can be suffocated by their poo piles and like any good frat or Street goblins with the respect they deserve using them as footballs cushions or a late-night snack if the mood strikes them which makes the orcs eventual subjugation by scarce Nick all the more impressive but the start of the game the creative assembly is going to make you work for it you don't start in your dwarven pleasure palace and any green skin you come across is a walking invitation to a room with a single black couch you play ask arsenic before he became the sneakiest get in the world which means you'll be depending on your stunted green brethren to propel the crooked moon tribe to glory with an army composed entirely of all the crap you'd normally avoid playing in an orc scum pain goblins or gah bows as their orcish overlords like to playfully call them between beings are just shaved he walks at the end of the day whose cunning and determination is cute when pelting stormtroopers but when turned against you makes them the sneakiest little shits in the galaxy and in a race noted for being outstandingly devious and sneaky scarce Nick lowers the bar and then Limbo's under it which makes him the king of the angle biters and I'm sure these things all have care-bear names but I really can't remember it right now because I needed that same brain space for more important things like 9th century combat tactics sizing undergarments and an encyclopedic knowledge of James Bond trivia scarce Nick takes the soviet/russian approach to warfare showing his goblins how to defend themselves against anyone attacking with fresh fruit and then throwing hordes of midgets at his enemies knowing you can suffocate any foe if you piled enough bodies on top of them his cheap gah bows ability lets you recruit and upkeep goblins at half their normal cost which honestly is still probably paying too much as scarce Nick heads an army of night goblins sunlight hating pariahs who live in caves any redditor would recognize these same goblins like Tamale each other with madcap mushrooms and then do their best Tasmanian devil impersonation across a battlefield and this idea of chowing down on suspicious forage to invoke a Berserker comes from a Victorian idea about Vikings I mean it's complete but kiss but if nothing else it proves the goblins have got serious balls but without oversized orcs to depend on you'll need to think like a gob oh and give enemies the old sneaky stadi since your army isn't meant for stand-up fights you'll use your wolves spiders and skwiggs to bloody their heels and nibble armies to death like a pack of ravaged lawless and scarce Nick gives a charge bonus tonight goblin squid hoppers that turns them into a tiny furry cartel but since even this might be construed as fighting fairly scarce nick has made sure anything in his army that slices pokes or stabs has been given a slathering of poison for good measure your general goal in any green skins campaign though is to get your fighting Asst up to 88 miles per hour and then go back in time and make out with your own mother green skins respect this sort of thing and will flock to your banner with all the best goblin units available forming an unstoppable wall also called the thing everyone wants CA to fix because it's about as interesting as Brussels and nobody wins when you're forced to work alongside an army AI inspired by golden eyes Natalia scarce Nick doesn't care about any of this though as his victories are won before he ever even steps onto a battlefield if he were real he'd be able to quote sunsoo by rote like some sort of Wall Street d-bag but instead of arbitrarily applying military Maxim's to screw your fellow man scarce Nick's son F zoos into battles by cock-blocking any enemy reinforcements as he starts the game with the lightning strike ability and since he's sneakier than Sean Connery's to pay he follows this up by tying wings the goblins tying boards to giant spiders and tying up his enemies and pincher attacks so that they're begging for the safe word by the time he's done with them but these da Vinci wannabe units are only unlocked through the green skin technology tree also called that other thing everybody wants CA to fix because innovation isn't the first word you think of when you think green skins some would say the tree is straightforward others would say it's underdeveloped and lacking any personality or concept of or keenest people made this game so we'll merely imply it here but some green skins do occasionally have a light bulb appear above their heads and gah bows especially are like short green MacGyver's who can always find a way to bang two sticks together until they explode night goblins natural penchant for intoxicating beverages impractical gadgets and over-the-top vehicles would make even Roger more proud and scarce NIC heavily relied on all of them in his time as a goblin spy where he galavant it across the empire gathering intelligence and wooing the ladies as only a three-foot tall man can undoubtedly washing out his distaste for humanity afterwards with gallons of cave mushroom martinis because of this time abroad scarce nick has accomplished a feat no other green-skinned has managed and can speak both right spiel and cosseted though this poly got mainly uses it to inform any Dwarfs he meets about their mother her sexual habits and the usefulness of mountain ponies in a bedroom setting and if that wicked jab isn't enough scarce Nick can always depend on his personal prata to get the job done this unique quest item is a custom-made poking stick with an extended shaft in three vibrating heads that shoots magic missiles and happens to fit perfectly between a stunted shoulders just don't expect them to scream when you get them from behind it's because the breaths driven out of your body [Music] and scarce Nicks sneaky gits ability encourages other goblin heroes to follow in his footsteps with agent actions costing half as much and giving twice as much experience so spread corruption killed her leaders bugger their dogs block their armies and never ever use the big boss Goblin you start with in a battle because the big Jeffy is a double O agent only normally at this point I also mentioned some super trippy in times lore but that's a dead end with Skaar stick see one night he was visited by the great green skin god Mork who appears like Mufasa in the stars and tells him to go take Cara Kate Peaks where the bestest of boys gobbler is unfortunately killed off because the author is clearly a cat person after that scarce Nick then disappears from the book because Ana Shaw's bought you not the author forgot about him chosen vessel of Mork from ork and he got nanu-nanu right out of the plot but it doesn't matter because scarce nick has already earned his own full chapter in the book of grudges and when he isn't bathing and stunty tears he perfumes himself with stave and fear musk so that the warlord queek head taker has a special place on his trophy rack reserved just for scar snake so join scarce Nick on his stolen iron throne and concoct another wicked scheme of conquest by the flickering light of dwarf fat candles because the true master of Kharak eight Peaks loves it when a plan comes together and if you believe you can judge a man's character by the quality of his enemies that you're probably an [ __ ] because that's a terrible way of going about life but it's a good way of being a goblin thanks for watching you can find some mod recommendations below and you'll notice there's a new join channel button I'm not going to tell you what it does but it may dispense candy [Music]

Channel: Cody Bonds

Views: 219,808

Rating: 4.9055719 out of 5

Keywords: noob's guide, noobs guide, cody bonds, warhammer, total war, games workshop, humor, funny, skarsnik lore, skarsnik guide, skarsnik, skarsnik and gobbla, warhammer 2, skarsnik campaign, total war warhammer 2, noobs guide to, warhammer ii, noob's guide to skarsnik, noobs guide to skarsnik

Id: cNelyKljQew

Length: 12min 18sec (738 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 18 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Twigglethisbish]

Soo good, watched every single one he made. Need all of them.