NON-OLOGUE 09.21.21

oh hey guys it's the middle of a lot of just been turning down a lot of things lately ah it's nice to see you i haven't done any monologues in a while this is sort of a meandering one as per usual and uh what is in the news travis and kourtney kardashian they're in the news because they are the news they're making out they're definitely not slowing down and making out and i'm not a pda person is something okay okay i'm not a pda person [ __ ] others your buttons are a little weird oh that's the problem it looks like you have a ruched shirt on a what i have a [ __ ] cool one if that's what that means in france speaking of frenching they [ __ ] french non-stop like forever and it's like i'm like how are ribs tasting but that's fine i'm just not a big pda guy and they even in france they're probably like like it's too much you understand they're like travis and courtney make out where they are not scary farm every picture they they they're making out at a funeral like wherever they are they will be making out so let's stop being shocked and let's keep watching and pick her up and grab her by the butt it's all whatever anyway good for them and i'm not shaming them which i am but it's kind of making jokes and shaming people i don't know i can't tell the difference um they might be running out of slobber though because they make out so much in public in private do you think they're just dry like this out of slobber which will be a good book name for one of them one day travis parker running out of slobber in stores friday pre-order now um speaking of that at that whole genre kanye bought a parking garage i saw this did you see it on malibu 5.7 million for this piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] no no 57 million i read it wrong didn't have a cheaters on 57 million heather yeah you made the right reaction she freaked out and if you see pictures we'll show you um it's literally a parking garage under a target and there's no charm there's nothing i know it's [ __ ] fashion man it's cool and you're gonna walk around in like a space suit and kim's gonna come over an all black sleeping bag and i want to be cool uh it won't be fun cement walls cement everything nothing in it you i like a house where you can light a flare on a wall are we lost no we're in the foyer foyer christina hack is in the news with two a's again i can't get past that my other two ways she's had three marriages which listen good for her i've had zero um she's at least getting it but she's again another thing that bothers me about her perfectly nice woman i'm sure this new guy with tattoo of a buffalo on his chest [ __ ] that's your phone buffalo on the chest wonder if he ever regrets that move what if buffalo's out of style one day they never will be uh and then she's always like the fake ring and then the deleted picture oh it's so [ __ ] gross it's beyond thirsty it's bordering on parched and then they did it again like did you not see the first time we'll put up for a while take it and then they're fans fans of the flipping show flans of divorce really fans of they uh they get excited so i don't like that just things i don't like oh and then on a sad note gabby in the van they found her and you know everyone followed this story girl you fall for because you're so cute and having fun and just out there loving life and then this happens and we get the bad news and the hard part is that the boyfriend came back and the parents kind of covered for him and you just know if i'm the parents you love your kids but when the cops are there you're like did you check everywhere like literally everywhere everyone this [ __ ] guy this [ __ ] guy wears always wears a hat like you said heather in his like tinder pictures and he's bald so you don't trust him he always had a hat on i know he's bald until like but that's scary yeah it's you're being hat fished oh it's a new show already uh it should be so there you go that guy and then he's like i think i don't know what happened to her on the floor did you think the flying monkey scouter from wizard of oz what are we supposed to believe we know what happened first of all they're like hey parents there's your kid here they're they're like oh you mean suspect number one and number two isn't even close there's no number two yet yeah no he just went to buzz around uh the neighborhood to run from the police i'm sure i'm sort of infuriated at that story so i'm not going to talk about that um i'll close we'll talk about norm norm great guy i won't overdo it about him but we had a really fun thing me and him and uh over the years i never seen a guy kill that heart and bomb that heart and it's a gift a gift that people would pay that me a gift to pay that much for a ticket and he could still walk him didn't matter what the price they would leave and when he killed he killed hard very hard to follow we did a tour i'll show you a few pictures from the tour that our friend julie jones took she sent me this weekend i think they're great and they're very cool norm watching me on stage i'm watching him and there i've never seen him so norm's great you know that um thanks for watching if you did feel free to follow my car not my i don't have youtube i do have a youtube channel oh yeah watch on youtube and check out the website ancient for stand updates right what else i don't think just just delete my instagram there you go

Channel: David Spade

Views: 41,827

Rating: 4.9332848 out of 5

Keywords: david spade, monologue, kanye's malibu home, travis barker kourtney kardashian, gossip news, tabloids, news, norm macdonald, christina haack

Id: e2ELzWm2Rao

Length: 5min 57sec (357 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 21 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Transposer]

Wow, it almost sounded like David knew Norm personally.

[u/jp_books]

He looks like a guy who wouldn't last long in prison.

[u/NewToFinanceHelpMe]

Kinda forgot about David. It just doesn’t end for him.

[u/throwawayjoeyboots]

Meanwhile Spade over here…

[u/Ranger_McFriendlier]

David is heartbroken and probably wondering about his own mortality. I sure am.

[u/refreshman1]

David was my favorite Norm Macdonald Has a Show guest. You can tell he was really making an effort instead of phoning it in like some guests do for talk shows. Seems like a really nice guy.

[u/Material-Principle72]

Spade has a nice Bus Station bathroom dye job going

[u/bransonnnn]

David...? It's Norm...Do you like money??

[u/walnuts223]

Fuck youtube