My harsh advice to someone who wants to change their life

nobody is coming to save you not your friends not your family not the government they can offer advice and tools but at the end of the day it's up to you to change your mind view your situation from A New Perspective and act regardless of how you feel this video is for those that feel like they are in a dark place or feel like they are lost I want to come in and hopefully provide a framework or at least some clarity to help you dig yourself out because as is the title of this video nobody's going to save you what that means is that I'm not going to save you either and the mindset that you have to adopt from the beginning of this video is that if you don't take responsibility of digging yourself out of that hole you are not going to get out of that hole and by complaining and whining like most people do you're only going to dig yourself further in this topic of nobody coming to save you usually comes into play when you're actually trying to do something with your life you're trying to take back control of your life you're trying to start a business you're trying to learn a new skill you're trying to become financially free you're trying to potentially find someone to get into a relationship with you're trying to clear your mind so that you can have better ideas so that you can act in a better Direction because ideas beget behavior and you can't act on something that you don't know is possible or you can just be trying to get fit or really do anything to just make your quality of life that much better the problem is that we live in a generation of whiners and complainers they are abundant you can find them online you find them in the comment section you find them literally everywhere I'm sure you have friends that whine and complain I'm sure you have parents that whine and complain and the more you've surrounded yourself with these people the more you've unconsciously adopted that as your own behavior and then as you whine and complain about your own situation you further narrow and close your mind off to finding a potential solution to help you reach that next phase of Business Health relationships whatever it is that you're pursuing right now the one thing that I want you to realize just think rationally just think for once in the last week because I'm assuming if you're in this situation you're watching this video you don't feel very good you hope that someone's coming to save you but they aren't you haven't yet made the crucial realization that you have to make that whining or complaining if you just think it through is not going to help you at all that's not doing anything for the situation that you're in at all the only thing that can solve the problem is solving the problem that means solving not solved not solve it's future tense it means you're doing something you're solving you're moving because if you're not moving that means you're stagnant and if you're stagnant that means you're not putting effort or energy into the system that leads to a potential end result that you want that solves the problem therefore that's when entropy comes into play and if you don't know what entropy is that is the gradual decline into chaos If energy is not put into a system it's the fact that everything falls apart it's the Buddhist principle of impermanence that everything is changing and with entropy it goes even further to say that everything is in Decline unless effort is put into maintain the system now a practical example of that is just books on a bookshelf while books are very durable they can end up all over your house they can warp the SP mindes can warp they can get damaged just in general when you pass them off to a friend they can get lost at a friend's house if you don't put effort into maintaining the order of your bookshelf the same comes into play for cleaning your room how many of you had to have your mom clean your room when you were a kid probably a lot of you unless she told you to because she understood that if you did not clean your room it would just get dirtier and dirtier and dirtier until it just became uninhabitable but at that point your ident follow suit and it affects your mind so much that your mind in that environment becomes that environment it becomes dirty and sloppy and can't think in a clear corrected manner so I could give you tips like go make your bed every morning or organize your bookshelf or clear off your desk which I literally just did but I'm not going to give you those because that's not very big picture that's good for just adopting as a habit but it's not going to make that much of a difference now another problem before we actually dive into Solutions is the fact that most people ask for advice as a procrastination method to hide from the problems that they need to solve themselves what I mean by that and as a person who has a decent amount of followers on social media I see this all the time I cannot name how many times people have commented asking for advice under a video under a post on Twitter or Instagram and I've answered them just for them to go on and completely ignore it or ask another one or just say that I'm flat out wrong what was the purpose of asking the question in the first place if you're already set on keeping your mind closed and not opening it to a potential solution to me it seems like people don't want solutions they want to feel as if they know what the solution is they want the dopamine hit that comes from telling people that they're doing things or that they're trying to accomplish something as opposed to reaping the dopamine that comes from actually achieving the goal this is an actual scientific thing I forget the exact study but there's a study that shows that dopamine is released in the same manner for telling people you're pursuing a goal as it is for actually achieving the goal so a lot of people get addicted to telling people what they're doing so that other people approve of them and think highly of them rather than just staying quiet building solving the problem and then showing them saying hey look this is what I solved so one potential trap that you should stay out of is to just ignore the desire to tell tell every single person what you're doing because when again you think this thing through that's not going to lead to anywhere good the only good thing it could lead to is them potentially helping you that is on a case-by Case situation so what I'd rather you do is just stay quiet start building and then tell people what you're building not I'm building this think highly of me saying I'm building this here's how you can benefit will you come help me now the last reason you feel stuck or trapped or you feel like you need someone to come save you is that you haven't expanded your mind beyond the problem so it's impossible to solve if your mind is only focused on the problem that means it's not focused on a solution and when you don't know what the solution is if you have a goal but you're not clear on how to get there your mind does this magical thing called pattern recognition where you pick up information in the environment that helps you achieve the goal so if your main focus is the problem you're going to further dig yourself into the problem if your focus is the goal and you condition you consciously condition yourself to continue focusing on the goal this is like a form of positive thinking but not the delusional positive thinking of like oh just think positive all the time because evil exists negativity exists that's a stupid way to go about life and it leads to more negativity than just being negative at times and learning to deal with that so back to the point when you focus on the the goal even if you don't know what it is and you continue focusing on that goal your mind will pick up ideas that help you achieve the goal when you're reading a book any book your mind will bias the information and ideas that you highlight that will help you achieve the goal I'm sure you've already experienced this and this goes for conversations too when you have more conversations with people or when you're scrolling on social media you will pick up the information that helps you achieve the goal that is on your mind to further Hammer home this idea that I'm telling you is that everyone that has different goals on their minds are going to highlight different things in books they're going to pick up different things in conversations their perception is going to be framed to be advantageous toward the end goal that they're pursuing and if you're pursuing the problem then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy that you're going to fail now the first step to getting out of this rut or just taking back control of your life is one just having a goal if you don't know what your goal is I'm assuming that you have other people that you aspire to be like you have something like don't tell me that you don't know what you want to be or what goal you have you're lying to yourself just sit back and think it doesn't even have to be that accurate at first it just has to be a minimum viable goal something that you can at least start to put effort and energy into because that's the only time when motivation and passion will start to build you don't just become motivated or become passionate it comes at the Inception of a goal and investing energy into the goal actually mov moving toward the goal is where those things come into play so what you need to do is you need to just have this faint image of a goal or Vision that you want to actualize and now you need to start stacking ideas that bias that goal or Vision so you need to change your mind and expand your mind by reading new books having more conversations intentional conversations not just Mindless conversations with your friends like oh did you play that new video game did I don't even know what people talk about nowadays that has nothing to do with any of the goals they're trying to achieve start the conversations with your friends and your parents and your partners or what whoever have the conversation framed around the goal you're trying to achieve so that you can gain more clarity on how to achieve it and if you even want to achieve that goal because only by starting conversations in that direction whether they're actual verbal conversations or conversations with a book or content or with your own mind is how you're going to open up potentials aside from the goal that you just came up with you're going to find new possibilities and new goals that you can pursue and that may make more sense to you and if you don't do this process and if you're focused on the problem then you're never going to think of the goal that leads to the next goal that makes you aware of the next goal that makes you aware of an idea that leads to this goal that you never thought was possible but now you're pursuing and make your life's work so read new books have more conversations expose yourself to new content one thing about the algorithm is it straight up programs your identity into whatever you're goal is as I said you notice more things you notice the things that help you achieve your goals so if you don't have a goal that means someone assigned you a goal that means whatever you notice on social media whatever is important to you that's what importance is importance is a signal that that is useful for survival towards your goal so if someone assigned you a goal and you have no idea what it is something that's important to you will stick out on social media that content will continue to show to you so if your goal is to unconscious troll on social media and just be a subhuman then the content that you're exposed to is going to condition that identity because you're going to spend more time on that content the algorithm is going to show you more and you're going to end up in this Echo chamber of content with people that you probably don't want to end up like so use this as a time to literally unfollow everyone myself self-included then from a clear conscience and toward the goal that you're trying to pursue start to follow people and find more people follow one person then look in their comments find other people to follow follow them look at the people that they follow follow them and be absolutely rigorous on maintaining your feed on social media because social media is such a powerful tool for Learning and building and meeting new people and actually creating the life that you want to live but it can quickly very quickly destroy your mind now the next thing you're going to do as you're pursuing a goal and you're stacking ideas that allow you to achieve the goal like new tactics that you're learning for business or new diet models that you're learning for health and you're starting to test and experiment with these things that's step number two is testing and experimenting step number three is when you face a difficult situation or you have to make a decision view the situation from the perspective of your ideal self what that means is who do you want to be this is not really saying okay I know exactly who I want to become so I'm going to think through their lens this is more so saying I need to zoom out and this is a great way to frame how far you zoom out into the future 10 years from now 20 years from now what is the decision that you wish you would have made and how did that lead to you becoming the person you want to be so if I'm trying to start a business and I'm invited to go out with friends and I know that that is going to impact the lever moving task that I have to do to actually make the business a success do I actually want to go out with friends or is that just a distraction this is how you filter what I should do from what I shouldn't do and it is your job to consistently make the decisions that you should do so that that becomes a habit and success compounds but this also requires you to actually think for yourself is going out with your friends a good thing to do have you stayed in so many times that you can afford a night out think for yourself throughout all of this the next thing here just as a guideline is to play Infinite games infinite games are ones that you don't stop playing there is no end finite games are games that have a winner and a loser so that means that there are rules and a goal for people to finally achieve but then the game is over after that infinite games continue playing there are finite games within infinite games but as you play the thing with infinite games is that you can continue changing the rules and the goal so that it continues going further and further it evolves so the infinite games that you can play are things like business or Entre r preneurship or health or relationships what I mean by that is business versus employment where employment you reach a specific rank in the corporate hierarchy that is once you reach that rank not everyone can be the CEO of that company everyone can be their own CEO especially in today's world with the onep person business and technology and all the things that I talk about an infinite game is entrepreneurship because you can choose you make the choice of what games you want to play employment is where you win the game and then everything becomes boring there's no new challenge there's no Evolution you sit there performing the same repetitive task day in day out like a specialized robot you don't discover the depth of life and you get trapped there what I mean by getting trapped there is you get trapped on the surface since there is no further goal to pursue in your life you are stuck chasing the cheap Pleasures this comes into play with relationships as well long-term relationships are infinite games you continue continue playing them and you change the rules as you reach new stages of the relationship that's how you bring meaning fulfillment and energy and passion into the relationship but beyond that flings here and there that's a quick fix that's how you bounce around on the surface and never invest long-term energy into one thing that brings out or allows you to dive deeper and discover more in life in terms of health fad diets are an example you have to zoom out and study the big picture principles that involve diet and nutrition by studying various perspectives along the way and coming up with your own way of doing it by following a fad diet you're likely to stick with the routine feel very good in that routine for a good amount of time but then you're just going to fall off and you're going to be like okay why don't I feel the same why don't I feel as energetic usually it's not the diet that's giving you energy it's the clarity that comes from the routine that you're adopting from someone else that is the fat diet model and then once that wears off you're going to be like okay now I need to go pursue another one carnivores are switching to rapat Atkins diet doesn't even exist anymore they just all change you can notice these finite games and choose not to play them the last thing I want you to understand relating to nobody's coming to save you is that you can act regardless of how you feel I don't care what thoughts you have on your mind right now if you have legs you can stand up and walk no matter how you feel no matter if you have the most painful whatever in your stomach if you are the most depressed best individual in the world there's a way to get up and get to the other side of the room if you feel depressed or you're crying all the time you can still get up and wash the dishes I don't care how much you don't want to do them you can still do them and by doing them that's how you break out of the conditioned closed mind that you've dug yourself into or trapped yourself in that is the first step to actually getting out is just forward movement the solution to most of your problems is just forward movement it's investing energy into a goal any goal any self-generated goal not one that's assigned to you because if you aren't investing energy into a goal then you're stagnated and you will succumb to entropy and be dragged back into the situation that you're currently in and the reason you're watching this video that is it thank you for watching get toour writer if you want to learn a high impact skill get mental monetization if you want to monetize your creative work check out the free mini course and other things in the description get my book The Art of focus a lot of what we talked about today is further Illustrated in my book aside from that join the newsletter do whatever join everything don't join anything doesn't matter I'll sleep at night see you

Channel: Dan Koe

Views: 39,329

Keywords: self improvement, mindset, personal development, online marketing, online business, make money online, spirituality, entrepreneurship, motivation, personal growth, social media growth, self mastery, actualization

Id: IgWeGmmiw7Q

Length: 17min 42sec (1062 seconds)

Published: Thu May 30 2024