Nick Offerman Knows His Wood

WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE BEARDED AND A CALM AND ZEN CUBS FAN, NICK OFFERMAN. NICK, YOU'VE GOT A NEW BOOK-- YOU DIDN'T WANT TO PUT IT DOWN ON THE THING? THERE'S NOTHING TO USE AS A COASTER? >> THERE'S NO COASTER. >> Stephen: YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME. >> WHAT DO YOU BEEN THAT? >> Stephen: YOU MADE THESE FOR ME-- I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T SEEN THESE UNTIL THIS SECOND. I'M THRILLED. IT'S BEAUTIFUL WOODEN COASTERS. CAN WE GET A SHOT OF THAT? IT HAS THE BRAND OF THE OFFERMAN WOODSHOP. >> SMOLTED MAPLE. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THAT MEAN? >> YOU SEE THE DARK LINES? >> Stephen: THAT'S SPALTING? >> YES, IT'S A FUNGUS. WHEN THE TREE FALLS AND MOISTURE BEGINS TO SEEP IN, SPECIFICALLY IN MAPLE, IT GETS THESE COOL LINES. AND IF YOU MILL IT SOON ENOUGH, YOU JUST GET A COOL PATTERN. IF YOU LEAVE IT FOR A COUPLE MORE MONTHS, THEN IT ROTS AWAY AND IT'S GARBAGE. >> Stephen: WOW. IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS AND NO ONE'S THERE TO MILL IT, DOES IT MAKE A COASTER? >> EXACTLY. >> Stephen: WOULD YOU PUT THAT OVER THERE. THERE YOU GO, SIR. THE BOOK IS CALLED "GOOD CLEAN FUN." AND IT'S YOUR JOY AND LOVE OF WORKING WITH WOOD AND WHAT IT DOES FOR YOU TO DO IT. DO YOU HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP TO WOOD? >> SURE. THE OLDER I GET THE MORE MY INTIMACY WITH WOOD CONSUMES A LARGE PART OF MY DAY. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: TALKING ABOUT THE CUBS FOR A SECOND HERE, WHAT ARE BASEBALL BATS MADE OUT OF? >> PRIMARILY ASH. >> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. POINT FOR THE MAN WITH THE BIRD. >> WE'RE IN A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE BECAUSE THE EMERALD BORE BEETLE IS DESTROYING THE ASH POPULATION OF THE PLANET. LOUISVILLE SLUGGER'S IN TROUBLE FOR REAL. >> Stephen: ARE NUCLEAR WEAPONS EVEN ON THE TABLE WITH THIS ONE? BECAUSE WE HAVE TO SAVE BASEBALL BATS. WHAT CAN BE DONE? I'M NOT JOKING. WHAT CAN BE DONE TO SAVE THE ASH TREE? >> THERE'S BEEN NO SOLUTION. EUROPE IS ALMOST AND I THINK OF ASH TREES. >> Stephen: THEY DON'T PLAY BASEBALL SO IT DOESN'T MATTER. >> THAT'S TRUE. BUT ASH IS USED TO MAKE HURLING BATS. >> Stephen: A HARLEY, THERE YOU GO. WE HAVE SOME WOOD HERE. AND I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP TO WOOD, AND I WANTED TO GET YOUR FEEL BUSINESS WOOD. WHAT DOES IT SAY TO YOU? HERE'S A PIECE OF MACOG ME. >> RIGHT. >> Stephen: WHAT DOES MAHOGANY-- HOW DOES IT SPEAK TO YOU? HOW WOULD YOU CHARACTERIZE IT? >> IT'S LIKE ROYALTY. IF YOU RESPECT IT, THEN YOU WILL NOT BE PUNISHED. ( LAUGHTER ) AND WHEN TREATED WITH ADORATION, IT GIVES OFF A GENTLE SHEEN. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OKAY. NOT FAMILIAR WITH ROYALTY GIVING OFF A SHEEN. BUT THANK YOU. <i>( APPLAUSE ) I LIKE IT.</i> WOULD YOU EVER PAINT THIS? WOULD YOU EVER PAINT THIS? >> GOD NO. >> Stephen: NEVER PAINT IT. >> NO, I WOULD OIL IT. >> Stephen: HERE'S CEDAR. HERE'S CEDAR. >> THIS IS CEDAR. THIS IS WESTERN RED CEDAR. >> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND. ( LAUGHTER ) BUT FROM THE EASTERN SLOPE OF THE WESTERN RED CEDAR. CAN YOU REALLY SMELL WHAT KIND OF CEDAR IT WAS WHEN YOU DID THAT? >> MIDDLE ON A TUESDAY MORNING. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT'S A PISCES. ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ). >> YEAH, YOU CAN SMELL IT. IT'S NOT AROMATIC CEDAR, BUT IT HAS A VERY SPECIFIC -- >> OH, YOU SMELLED WHAT IT WASN'T. >> YES. >> Stephen: YOU SMELLED WHAT IT WASN'T. THAT'S VERY ZEN. >> WESTERN RED CEDAR IS WHAT I MAKE MY COO NEWS OUT OF SO I KNOW THE SMELL VERY WELL. >> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO HOOK ME UP WITH A CANOE PLAN. >> CEDAR IS MORE LIKE A DEPENDABLE HIPPIE. >> Stephen: WHAT IS A DEPENDABLE HIPPIE, MY FRIEND? >> IT'S A HIPPIE, IT'S LIGHT ON ITS FEET. IT DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING TOO HEAVILY. BUT THEN WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, WHEN YOU FACE INTO THE HEADWIND, YOU CAN COUNT ON IT. IT HAS AN INCREDIBLE TENSILE STRENGTH. >> Stephen: WOW. >> ALSO LIKE A HIPPIE, IT'S VERY FRAGRANT. ( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: ANOTHER AND LAST, LET'S BRING IT HOME. LET'S BRING IT HOME. <i>( APPLAUSE ) LET'S BRING IT HOME.</i> LET'S BRING IT HOME WITH HARDWOOD, OKAY? MAPLE. >> MAPLE. MAPLE IS WHAT I WOULD CALL THE VALEDICTORIAN OF THE CABINET WOODS, BEING WALNUT, CHERRY, MAHOGANY, AND MAPLE. IT WILL PASS ANY TEST YOU EXACT UPON IT. AND IT'S A SMART WOOD. IT CAN-- IT CAN OUTSMART ALL OF THE OTHER STUDENTS. ( LAUGHTER ) IN THE WOODSHOP. >> Stephen: HOW DOES IT OUTSMART THEM? HOW DOES IT OUTSMART THEM, NICK? >> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION. THAT'S BETWEEN ME AND MOTHER NATURE. ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S CELLULAR. >> Stephen: IT'S CELLULAR? >> YEAH. >> Stephen: CELLULAR. I'VE COOKED OVER MAPLE. HAVE YOU EVER COOKED OVER MAPLE? >> JUST CHIPS. >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH. >> ON MY CHARCOAL. >> Stephen: I'VE COOKED OVER FIRE MADE OF PURE MAIN EXPEL IT MAKES YOUR STEAK TASTE LIKE A WAFFLE. >> NO KIDDING. >> Stephen: IT DOES. I'M NOT JOKING. I'M GOING TO CHECK OUT "GOOD CLEAN FUN." IT'S AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE BOOKS ARE SOLD. NICK OFFERMAN, EVERYBODY. THANKS. ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Views: 1,505,654

Keywords: The Late Show, Stephen Colbert, Colbert, Late Show, celebrities, late night, talk show, skits, bit, monologue, The Late Late Show, Late Late Show, letterman, david letterman, comedian, impressions, CBS, joke, jokes, funny, funny video, funny videos, humor, celebrity, celeb, hollywood, famous, James Corden, Corden, Comedy, Nick Offerman, Good Clean Fun, Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Rec

Id: b5eJwtuXNxg

Length: 5min 43sec (343 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 19 2016