New Life Live! September 24, 2021 Full Show

[Music] welcome to new life live with host and founder of new life ministries stephen arduburn new life live is dedicated to transforming lives one at a time thanks to the giving hearts of you our listeners our goal is to provide you with wisdom from god's word to give you hope and help in life's hardest places if you have a question you'd like to ask today our phone lines are open call 1-800-229-3000 that number again is 1-800-229-3000 now here's steve hello larry sonnenberg sitting in for steve today so thank you for listening in uh i'm blessed here to be with dr alice benton hey hi everybody and chris williams we get a more handsome version of steve today i hope he's not listening oh gosh um before we go to a call um i've got a reminder here that on monday we will have a special guest ann beehler she'll join the show you might know her as the founder of annie anne's pretzel chain and the reason we're having on she has an incredible story of overcoming years of sexual abuse by a pastor which she shares about in her book the secret lies within she'll offer encouragement about overcoming trauma and finding purpose in the pain and we'll be taking your calls so tune in monday and talk to her especially if something about her story uh clicks with your your struggles and what you're dealing with you know coming to light painfully and i've gotten a lot a lot of calls on this in the last few months um and a lot of work is when abuse happens in the church when abuse happens from people in spiritual authority again it really really messes with us and affects us and impacts us in some pretty profound ways and and let me just say this is that the whether it be parents or pastors or teachers but people in authority their primary purpose and this is for all of us who have authority this is including us who talk on a radio show is our primary purpose is to provide safety is to provide a sense of protection and security because that's what allows us to do everything else and sometimes the protection and security is hey take courage as god says to joshua for i am with you but when the people in authority are now the threats the world goes topsy-turvy and flips upside down and we go into a state of what we call hyper vigilance but it's just a fear-based obsession and our life wraps itself around fear where nothing is trustworthy and then we wonder why it affects our faith so much well of course it does what we need is again find safe places safe people safe authorities that will allow us to confront the hurt and the pain get safe and then find the healing and for those of us who find ourselves which is almost all of us who are parents or otherwise in places of authority this is why our own healing is crucially crucially important is because the pain that we don't heal is the pain that oftentimes will be bled onto the people underneath us there you go and so call us you utilize us join our ministry our movement contribute because that's what we're trying to do is just partner with jesus by bringing light into dark places and by doing so bringing healing and ultimately the life that he desires and when the world is unsafe because you've been so mistreated sometimes the only safe person is a paid therapist or a life group at church or calling into a radio show but but that's a place to start and when we take that risky step god meets us he accompanies us he starts to remove some of the pain and the fear and he replaces it through the love of the therapist through the love of us on the radio through the love of the group but we got to open ourselves up to the hands and feet god has his hands and feet that he's put in our lives that's exactly right several weeks ago when probably months ago now when i heard about ann buehler and her story and of abuse and such every time i walk through a airport now and see aunt annie's makes me want to buy something just to support her hey i'll support her so call us on monday we're going to take your calls here in a minute but we'll be right back after after this and we have some good calls lined up so stay tuned [Music] i have a 15 year old she is very defiant rude and disrespectful to me children don't come with a set of instructions so what's apparent to do she has very intense screaming fit do you feel equipped to tackle the tough decisions and issues that can have a lifelong impact on your kids i have a 11 year old daughter and i'm trying to help her with the situation regarding school are your children ready to thrive in this culture i just feel like i'm at the end of my role with her new life's online one day workshop fearless parenting preparing for the teen years help it's saturday october 2nd you'll learn about bullying discipline boundaries challenges and parenting smartphones social media and screen time how your own struggles affect how you parent and much more with insightful teaching and the guidance of a credentialed new life counselor this one day workshop can equip you to meet the challenges of raising children in the 21st century call 1-800 new life to register to find out more 1-800-n-e-w-l-i-f-e [Music] to find out more information about new life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program call 1-800 new life now back to new life live okay we're back and we're about to go to the phones i want to go and talk to john john is on line three virginia beach listens on wmph hello john how can we help you today hey how's it going guys good good um i had a question about i guess two questions combined in one could be one problem um having uh issues with laziness late laziness i guess when it comes to you know reading god's word and have a relationship with him and pursuing him and stuff and also anxiety and stuff like that where like other things get in your way where distractions happen where that can cause you to make other things more important than making god hey john john let me jump in really quickly here i i know this one uh because i know this one so well because i feel like you do i feel like you are saying my story but let me just tell you straight up you are not lazy you already said it you're anxious yeah there you go anxious yeah friend what are you afraid of what are you worried about what's consuming your thoughts um everything um i know i'm add a tech i know that that's a problem i also have a i have a mild case of tourette's too so i know that plays with you know the mind a little different than normal people how the you know go go go go kind of thing but you know i'm a christian and it's not that i don't it's not i don't believe in god or his word i mean i do but it's just that i think like i don't know it could you know i'm pretty sure satan also uses different strategies and distractions to keep us from god and to grow sure using things that he knows that are natural to us yeah but let me jump let me jump in again okay i'm going to give you three steps to help you okay are you ready the first one is simplify the second one is simplify the third one is simplify the third one okay everybody you know that i think that sums it up thanks a lot so because what you have is you you have a fast and furious brain that processes immense amount of information all at the same time and what happens is you get overwhelmed and in your overwhelmed you go into a shutdown mode which you're calling lazy but you're just like man i gotta tap out yeah and so that's where the distractions come in the distractions come in if like i gotta distract me from my own mind i gotta distract me from my own thoughts and get a relief from all of this overwhelm and so the way that we combat that overwhelm and know this i don't believe this side of heaven you will fully get rid of that because it's a superpower god has given you because you again you process information quickly you do it well you can see complex problems and you can come up with good solutions for complex problems that's awesome what's not awesome is the curse side of that which again is dealing with a constant sense of feeling overwhelmed and so when it comes to scripture when it comes to prayer again when i say simplify there is going to be a temptation in you to get as much information as possible but think of mary and martha so so it says jesus says to martha you are concerned with so many things he doesn't even say what it is right and then he says mary has chosen one thing and didn't even say what that was but said because she chose one thing she chose better hey john how do you start your day do you get online on a screen not a your phone first thing in the morning oh do i yeah um no um i i drive for a living so um you know there's some there's some peace in that and also not peace in your traffic but i mean the morning time i mean i just i know i don't return to radio when i just drive in silence to work good for you good that's a good start yeah um but you know it's difficult to say exactly what exactly my problem is i mean i i know and that that is really good what you said simplify if i could simplify so many things that would make things so much more better or you know i can enjoy my life because i feel like i don't i can't enjoy my life yes i really can't so so but i'm so overwhelmed with so much stuff yeah so let me give you one more thing here okay because what happens is in all of the stuff that rattles on inside of you it turns into a cycle it sort of recycles itself so you need to off you need to offload all of that stuff and your what your distractions are doing is trying to distract you for the stuff but offloading the stuff best happens in safe friendship when you can tell another person what's going on inside of you what that does what god has designed that relationship to do is to offload it of yourself so it's outside of you someone else can grab it throw it in a fire and be like let's move on but then your body gets a sense of safety someone is with me and it just relaxes that's what that's what our our deep relationships and friendships are meant to do jesus depended upon that absolutely yeah john i think you also have some messages in your head about how bad you are that came from other people who didn't understand all you were dealing with and didn't know how to handle you and so they called you lazy and they said you were bad and they said you were unteachable and you were punished for it they didn't know how to handle it and neither did you but you have taken ownership of those messages as true about you but what god does is he calls us who he knows we can be and who he knows we are now and so i say that you are a man of great potential i say that you're a man who loves god and who sees that of course you're inadequate as i am too you're a man who desires to do better and that tells me that god is giving you the desire and the power to be able to do his will which he promises so i want you to figure out who mistreated you like that who called you those names and i want you to break off those uh those sayings over you that those are no longer true about you i also want you to watch the chosen and i want that to be your bible time yeah yeah and then lastly one more thing i'll let you guys get yes go ahead go ahead one one one other thing is uh i think a lot of time now this could be spiritual warfare too is that you know when you yourself feel like you're not as close as god as you should be you're pursuing him and reading his word every night i believe that you can also have doubts of like oh well god must be mad at me he must be disappointed in me because you know i'm not you know and then that just can start growing like a bad beat yes so i want you to tell god god i can't get myself to have a touch with scripture i cannot do it but i am willing to be made willing so keep giving him the honest confession of your inability he always honors that prayer if we're persistent with it okay one one last thing one last thing john so i'm gonna help you simplify okay there's gonna be two two phrases two phrases that i want you to just it's only four words okay be loved so allow yourself to be loved you are the beloved of god be loved you have to receive it okay and show up that's all you all you have to you do those two things today and then you repeat that tomorrow and going forward i can't make guarantees but i guarantee you will see a marked improvement of your closeness to god and that shame that negative message that that alice was helping you identify starts to lessen and do that in front of other people you're a delightful man who brought a lot of laughter to our show i wonder if you noticed that that was you john i want to hang out with john i do too yeah and we were laughing with you that's all that matters yep there you go well thank you john i i thank you guys thank you you know i know you got other people ready to talk to you guys but i appreciate the time and uh i'll definitely simplify it and uh and i'll try definitely try to practice that because i think that that's going to help a lot so thanks a lot call back let us know how it goes and dave stoops on a book on thoughts yeah yeah that we'll we'll get that book off too they want to read that all righty it's coming your way thank you guys bye-bye okay that was a good call i like john let's go and talk with uh harry harry's on line two and he's uh boston w-e-z-e how you doing harry how can we help you hi how are you good hi what's up uh first of all let me tell you that the reason i call this program is because i listen to the program and i see that that you really help people and there's no judgment you do thank you you guys have real professionals my problem is that i also use social medias two times when i was a kid sorry harry how old were you when that happened seven oh my goodness harry inside all those years whoo thank you for trusting us and sharing that with us i was an alcoholic i was a drug addict i wanted to kill myself i want to go to the hospital for suicidal and one time i was in my house online and i wanted to kill myself yeah i said no i cannot do it because i gotta mother the father i'll kill them oh harry thank god so it's a hairy one yeah i want you to hear in your story i want you to hear this really really clearly you're telling us something really important about your story by telling us that you're struggling with alcohol and drugs and wanting to end your own life and feeling you're doing a great job connecting emotionally to the pain that you're carrying inside what you're really telling us today is i just want to stop the pain how do i stop the pain how do i get out of this how do i get out of the torture of what is what i've been carrying for 40 yes for 46 years inside of me that no human being god has not designed us human beings to carry the pain of sexual abuse inside of us for a day nonetheless 40 years and i asked god because i didn't i didn't know god i asked that you really exist yes everybody says that you look sick but i don't know hold on hold on hold on we can there's a lot of things about god to know and we can know information about god but today what we want you to know is the healing of jesus and what we in and there's some this is seri the trauma that you've been through is very very serious and you need professional guidance from a trauma specialist that will help guide you through the process and you're taking that that valiant necessary step harry by opening up after these decades of silence and secret pain what i wanted to tell you what i wanted to tell you that i asked god please get me off the alcohol in the clouds and and like six months later i met somebody she's my wife now yeah and i have to grieve a daughter it's beautiful and now take the night take the next step i have a program now yes okay harry we're going to come back to you right after a break we we can't avoid this break so you hold the line we'll come back and we'll finish up with you after after this break okay so you listen to new life life keep hanging in there [Music] my husband's been addicted to porn since he was 10 years old i found out about nine months into my marriage that he has a porn addiction my name is shelly martinkis and i want to personally invite you to the restore workshop if you have been affected by betrayal it might be that your husband has been looking at pornography it might be an emotional physical affair i would love for you to come join us restore has empowered me and has given me the tools to work through my anger work through my pain work through my confusion and help me realize that i am worthy being here and being surrounded by people who get it has given me my power back please don't hesitate pick up the phone call 1-800 new life i would love to see you there the restore workshop is coming to washington dc november 12th through the 14th to register to find out more call 1-800 new life or go online to newlife.com thank you restore you have changed my life forever hi this is steve ardern and for 30 years new life has been the most trusted name in christian counseling i'm an addict and i'm trying to get god in my life again you seem to be able to get to the crux of a problem quickly our christ-centered treatment programs can help you break free to embrace all that god has for you and your family i just want to thank you guys for bringing me to a relationship with jesus there really is help for marital problems depression addictions panic attacks and feelings of hopelessness i came back with so many tools to help me prepare myself to fight the struggle in this battle that i have every day you can start living again today living the life god intended for you help is available at 1-800 new life they did care and they did follow up very lovingly and it made all the difference in my life call us at 1-800 new life someone who cares is waiting at the other end of the phone god can open the door to a better tomorrow right now just call us at 1-800 new life 1-800-639-5433 [Music] we'd love to hear from you if you have a question or a comment call toll-free 1-800-229-3000 now back to new life live okay we're talking to harry and harry's uh really been struggling with addictions um and alice he wanted to take it from here well harry i think we we may have made it difficult for you to get to your question that you have today which i think i understand to be another addictive behavior has come to the surface and you might be struggling with pornography or some sexual behavior is that right [Music] i became a christian when this happened when god answered me and uh i i have a position insurance an addiction and this is affecting my life we think we understand and and is it that you want our help knowing what to do next about this is that right yeah okay okay harry chris has some things to tell you harry thank you so much for that and and as alice was leading you there and i think you were trying to lead us there um to to be honest this i want you to understand there's a whack-a-mole effect and then i say this for you because i say it for every every one of us out there when we're carrying our unresolved pain from our painful experiences what we like to call childhood trauma we we will medicate that every person on planet earth has a threshold of pain and when we exceed that threshold we're going to tap out and that tap out looks like a medicator and medicators are oftentimes are addictive devices so let's say we get clean and sober off of drugs and alcohol another one's going to pop up until we address it now i mean we you called the right place because i can't think of a better place for you to start today harry than to sign up for every man's battle to get there it will be the doorway for your freedom both to address what's going on sexually in your life but also to help you understand how your past is really impacting that and we harry a lot of times people will say i can't go because i can't afford it and i don't know what your financial situation is but if that is your situation when you call to find out about the workshop tell them you'd like to get a scholarship if money is an issue we have scholarship money we raise money we never want money to be a reason somebody does not attend any of our workshops but i having gone to hundreds of these workshops through the years i got to tell you it is an amazing thing that you will get there and you will learn things that you never even thought were possible to learn you'll experience love from other men that you've never felt before and that's it excuse me that's a big deal so i think we need to leave it at that and i want you to stay on the line excuse me and ask the call screener to transfer you to our call center where somebody can talk to you about this and help you understand what the next step really needs to be and and we're going to send you both a copy of every man's battle and the life recovery bible thank you we're really glad you called harry we're going to be praying for you wow that's tough yeah it really is tough um i just want to remind folks if you are if you guys are thinking about every man's battle today is the last day that you will sign up for the october 8th workshop in atlanta and save 200 on your registration for the early bird so just consider that and gentlemen we are ladies too we are as sick as our secrets and we are chained to our secret sins but if we can take the step that harry is taking by admitting it and admitting that we need help god can break those shackles and chains off of us we see it at every man's battle all every month we see it okay we're going to take another call get at least get the question to introduce the subject take a break and continue on with it we're going to talk to treasure treasures kbbw is the station she listens to and she lives in killeen texas thank you treasure how can we help you are you there yes how can we help you today yes hello my name is treasure um i'm calling in regards to my husband i believe he's very um addicted to um sex and this being my first man that i've ever been with i don't think he understands um the pain that i go through because before we got married i had to explain everything to him about my trauma i explained i went through every step before so he knew before he got you know um with me about about everything that i have been through since i was three um i explained to him about everything and i'm trying but i i believe he portrays me as um um when he talks to other people it's like i i'm sick pretty much um that i'm sick and i don't i don't understand what i'm what what is going through and i just felt um i feel very pushed away and i so so many times want to give up because i don't think he understands the detriment that he's causing and treasure is a lot of treasure is he engaging enough in affairs or abusing pornography no he's not he's not engaging and so his sexual behavior is with you his acting out is just with you within the marriage is that right what did you say ma'am is his sexual acting out is it occurring just in the marriage with you and it's not with other people and it's not with porn no it's just with me okay so we can watch jake's preaching and he turns it into sex and um and i i finally found the strength enough to talk to his mother because i was like treasure we got to go to a break and we're going to come back and finish up this discussion just a minute so hold the line [Music] for most of my life i've been dealing with an opiate addiction why is opioid addiction quickly becoming one of our nation's biggest killers maybe it's because it isn't only those who are addicted who are in denial we did what i see so many parents do is it can't be an addiction there's something medically wrong it's impossible to solve a problem when you don't know what you're up against and families will try to find any explanation except the one that will put them on the right path alcoholism and drug addiction is a family disease it doesn't affect just the individual if someone you love is abusing painkillers know what you're up against it's time to admit its addiction and seek treatment call us today at 1-800 new life we have partner treatment centers around the country call 1-800-639-5433 or visit us online at newlife.com we just made a decision we will do whatever it takes 1-800 new life i was really living a very anxiety-filled life i did go to take your life back that's why i continue to support the ministry with the hope that not only am i helping my own situation that i'm helping others as well you can help new life live stay on the air by joining club new life today when you sign up to support us monthly through club new life we'll send you the new life member thank you gift of the new life journal 100 days of peace seven ways to choose healing growth has no boundaries a restoration bible and a new life grocery tote to hold it all plus there are ongoing benefits like access to the club new life video library the monthly club new life cd or download quarterly resources free shipping on purchased resources and discounts on workshops call 1-800 new life that's 1-800-639-5400 support club new life and together we can help hurting people find help and hope in life's hardest places call 1-800-639-5433 to join club new life today [Music] we're glad you joined us for new life live to be a part of the program call 1-800-229-3000 now back to new life live okay we're back we're talking with treasure she's have some trouble her husband is very sexually addicted and alice you've got a couple of questions i think treasure you are hurting girl and i think your husband doesn't hear your no and doesn't read your signals and i think he pushes past that and pushes sexual intimacy at times that you don't want it and aren't willing is that right yes ma'am and and treasure is it at times difficult to uh to be clear and to stick with your no and i know he doesn't hear it very well is it hard for you to speak up as well no he does not know and treasures it hard for you to speak what about what you want and don't want i believe that when i speak to him he he doesn't get it yeah and uh tell me do you two have children yet what did you say man treasure do you have children yet with him i have four with him how young is the youngest uh she's four months now oh boy and treasure when you have asked him if he's willing to get structured help with you how has he responded to that uh he doesn't believe that he needs help he believes that it's only that i brought this upon myself like i came into the marriage already wounded and he has to pay the price for it and does he does he refuse to go to counseling even if it's to get you the help he thinks you need he doesn't believe him he went to counseling but the people the people from the counseling agreed with him they said that i need a help that i'm the one that needed help and he's probably and that he um he's the one in bondage because like i knew um i had not dealt with the pain before i got married and i told him i got married at 21. i'm 29 today i got married at 21 and um and before everything before he even started asking me out i had told him that hey you know i've been validated since i was three and the reason why just happened i was 19. i was 19 and you just met me and i'm trying to still process everything and i'm very scared when it comes to sex yes yes yes yes yes treasure i don't understand anything and um he um so so let me let treasure let me jump in let me jump in i want you to take a big deep breath thank you good job good job slow it down so what happens is that you're fighting each other over your lack of safety and whatever and so i want to say in just just for the sake right now that yes what they're telling you is true that you have a problem and the problem is the thing that you're recognizing and that you carry deep wounding and pain around your life but especially issues of sexuality because you were damaged early and often and that matters and by the way you know your husband can say all he wants that it's your problem but he chose that problem when he decided to marry you yeah you were clear yeah and regardless you know i mean like listen when we say for better for words for sick sickness and in health richer or poorer we're choosing the other person's problems as much as they're choosing our problems but then we've got to find an avenue and a way to work through those challenges and difficulties and hurts and so i don't appreciate to be quite honest the way that he is passing it off all on you that hey if you would get better things would just our marriage would be great because that's not true either he chose you for a reason i think he has his own things going on but friend that pain and fear that you're carrying inside of you does need help it needs relief and it needs healing and growth and it must be very scary to consider going back for counseling after it felt like the counselor teamed up with your husband against you making you the only problem in this situation so i want to suggest a few things to you if your husband is not willing to return to treatment that you that girl that you would let us hook you up with a with a new life counselor whom we have vetted who specializes in sexual trauma and will know how to help you and will know how to help influence your husband to see his role in this and i'm going to advise something i don't advise very often and i want the men to to counter this if they think this is wrong but i think you might tell your husband i want healthy intimacy with you but to be able to be open to that again i will need us both to get help you're right i got a big problem and i'm going to get help for it but i need you to come with me otherwise i'm not feeling sexually safe here so to show me that you want our marriage too i will need you to come to therapy with me and i may need to take a break from sexual intimacy until we both can build more safety into this i agree wholeheartedly with that i i love that you know alice i've just experienced so many times where i've brought the spouse into the trauma recovery process and what happens is they see it their empathy and care increases dramatically and i think intimacy and marriage could be a great place for them as well it's it's in their neighborhood it's in dallas um coming up uh what is it october 15th through the 17th yep yeah what could we send her in terms of a book intimate patrol yeah intimate deception okay treasure that was a very good call thank you sorry you're struggling a week you can get help this can be resolved with confidence and your your babies will benefit from you initiating the help even though your husband should be the one getting into it first yeah before we go to jill and talk to jill for our next call i wanted to talk to you about supporting new life we asked for support because of how god is working through this ministry and lives are changed and people are their trajectories are different they realize that god is a god of second chances god is a redemptive god and chris there's a testimony here yeah you know something that uh speaks to this show the radio brad writes and says my story with your ministry began around 2004 or 2005 as my first marriage was on its way south i began listening to the program online to help me better understand and deal with my crazy situations that i found myself in both at church and at home the boys under quotation were on were on back then and as another guy it meant a lot to hear counsel from other men at some point maybe 05 or oh six i got a copy of dave stoops for giving the unforgivable then forgiving our parents forgiving ourselves the words of wisdom in these two books did so much to help me and see how my past was dictating my present while my marriage ended in mid-2006 i was able to heal so much better with that godly wisdom in my heart you know think about this this was two thousand was it 20 years now roughly 2004 2020 yeah somebody's life has been forever been different for a long time now because he got a trajectory change god a god injection through great words and wisdom from the radio program from dave's book folks that's what we do here that's why we want you to help us continue to do what we do in bringing help hope and healing to people so if you could make a gift a one-time gift join come new life club new life monthly giving can't tell you how important that is and what a difference it makes because of the number of people that get the help that we wouldn't be able to reach without it so please consider that please consider me you know and as we've experienced a collective anxiety around this season of a global pandemic we're also now experiencing a collective fatigue we're tired when you join club new life you are getting tremendous resources not not just with the books that we'll send you but with the videos that help you recharge that that help bring those cds yeah monthly cds that that this is supporting us but we want to support you as well and we want to help you find your vitality your energy and get your life back there might be a book around that as well you know coming yeah take your life back yeah yeah so so again we're here to help you to love you and to minister to you but we also definitively need your help to keep going okay thank you chris well we're gonna talk to jill right after the break before we go to the break i want to remind folks that monday ann bieler from auntie annie's pretzel her auntie anne's pretzel chain she was the founder she had years of sexual abuse at her younger years by a pastor and she shares about that in her book and she's going to be online taking calls with steve so please consider listening in on monday it's we love having these true life stories where god has redeemed it and out of it is uh god being glorified and honored and that's that's the most important thing about what we do so we also want to remind you we got every man's battle coming up october 8th in atlanta today's the last day for the early bird special you save 200 if you sign up today fearless parenting october 2nd saturday online workshop alice will be talking about screen time with steve we've got the scores of subjects and matters we can't get through it all there so much but we're going to do our best so tune in to that on october 2nd and there's so much more coming up but stay tuned we're going to be back in just a minute and we're going to talk to jill in tampa florida and see if we can help her too thanks so much [Music] i came into this thinking that my husband was the cause of many of our issues the new life intimacy and marriage workshop is coming to dallas texas october 15th to the 17th but after learning about our attachment styles i understood how our past hurts were playing into our present problems join steve artiburn it's been a dream of mine for a long time to help people to grow more intimately together and we believe that everybody has room to grow in the intimacy level of their life and milan and kay yurkovic we help couples understand how their attachment style is sabotaging their current relationship and then we teach them how to create comfort in a relationship a new life's group counselors will help you focus on the area that will benefit your marriage most to register to find out more call 1-800 new life here at this workshop we had our first ever conversation without yelling blaming and accusing 1-800 n-e-w l-i-f-e [Music] hi this is steve ardern and for 30 years new life has been the most trusted name in christian council your ministry has saved my life if you struggle with emotional hurt family or marriage problems the pit of depression or the pain of addictions we can help i'm down 100 pounds now from what i was you guys are awesome you are a blessing to america our treatment programs provide clinically appropriate solutions from licensed professionals all in the biblical framework i have had problems with alcohol i think god has ordained this place to be his you don't have to be a prisoner of your pain help is available at 1-800 new life she tells me that i'm a new man and i feel like a new man it worked for me and it can work for them too this time it is different if you're ready to take the first step toward genuine spiritual and emotional healing please call us today at 1-800 new life god can open the door to a better tomorrow right now call 1-800 new life that's 1-800-639-5433 [Music] to find out more information about new life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program call 1-800 new life now back to new life live okay we're back and we want to take our final call for the day that's jill tampa florida patiently waiting listens on the internet hello jill how can we help you today hi thank you for taking my call you're welcome i'm calling because my stepson is 28 and him and his fiancee have two kids they're three and seven and recently my stepson disclosed to my husband that they're using meth and they're having money problems and behavior problems with the kids his fiance lost her job and their car was repossessed and neither one of them has a phone anymore and i just fear more things happening [Music] i don't know that they have desire like to go to rehab there's some truth and some maybe not so my husband and i are struggling with enabling versus helping or supporting or stabilizing and we agreed we would call child protective services and we did that and now the focus is on who called and we're not sure if we went about this the wrong way and should we admit it was us or you know we don't want to lie but we also fear maybe we would get cut off and there would break down any kind of communication or trust that we do have do they do they still allow you to see their children currently we don't have a super close relationship with them we see them intermittently but yes we have seen them recently and do you know if cps took action was a social worker assigned they came to the house and handed them a report and said we'll be back in a couple of days and hasn't been back yet and do you feel that the the do you see signs of neglect for the kids are you fearful of their safety currently well i know one time the little one got out and um was in the street and um oh boy a neighbor went and got her and the situation was just kind of squashed and then um you know we did offer some groceries and [Music] you know my my stepson used to have a very beautiful relationship with his older son and i know his son is kind of disrespecting him now so i i don't know exactly what they've witnessed and your question is do you admit to your stepson that you folks decided to make the call that as well as like how do we go forward because you know this isn't going to be a short story and i don't know the best approach to protecting the kids and um we care about my stepson and his fiance too but the kids are vulnerable and you have the right perspective so let me affirm very clearly is that the the most vulnerable are the ones that need most protected obviously it's the kids great job in calling child protective services um because those kids definitely need help and when he says hey the older one is acting out of course he is he's he's scared and he's angry and he's not being taken care of the way he needs to be taken care of and someone needs to try to step in as much as possible and so i think it's a it's a two-pronged approach and again jill you have the right perspective you got to play the long game here and not the short game but there is a short game in the short game right now is protecting the children the longer game is letting your stepson and his wife know that you care about them that you love them that you want what's best for them and you will do whatever you can again within your ability not not outside of your ability but within your ability to help them get help that they don't have to live under the tyranny of addiction they don't have to live under the damage that meth is doing to them and their children and so getting into rehab getting into recovery will be essentially important for them and you'll support that but you will not support anything that is destructive to them or their children and that that you will help them even what you can do again to care for the children as they work through these problems unfortunately or if it's unfortunate that your stepson and his wife continue down dangerous behaviors you will continue to take action to protect those children and i think you can totally tell them yes we made the call it is illegal to use illegal substances in front of children that in most states i don't know the florida laws i know the california laws but in california that's a that's child abuse knowing that telling that truth would risk your access to the children i think it's a very gray area and i wouldn't encourage you to lie about it and chris is saying go ahead and tell and and i can see that being a right course of action i could also see letting them know we'll talk with you about anything we'll answer any of your questions once you folks are getting structured help we're just not going to engage in angry yelling abusive conversation with you at this time but we but once you're getting help once you can address us calmly then we'll be willing to talk with you so i might sidestep the answer to that for a time because trying to engage in conversation with an addict who's actively an addiction it doesn't go anywhere that's true i i don't like to say this very often but i would go with alice's advice about mine on that one i like that i like that alice what do you think joe well i don't imagine so far we've sidestepped but it's not just them like i can see like his brother and sister or my husband's mom asking was it you and um so so here's what here's here i don't think that they're angry oh they're more the avoidant type they don't ask those questions so i think we would just be cut off and any chance to help or communicate or know what's going on would be gone okay so here's here's where you start i want you to contact and we have interventionists that we work with here at new life i want you to contact an interventionist and the first thing is don't start with the stepson and the daughter yet start with the family everyone around them so that everyone gets on the same page and a good interventionist will help you and and family addiction process will help you um you know i have some contacts there as well in florida and so but we'll help you find uh that we have a great interventionist yeah we'll get you hooked up with our interventionist here at new life and let that person guide the process they know what they're doing they've done this hundreds if not thousands of times and it takes family it takes planning and so this is the proactive step jill where it allows you and your husband to take authority over the situation where you might reach out to these people before they ask you did you do it are you the ones that did it reaching out to them to say would you come on board with us in prayer and support so that we can help the son and the grandchildren we we all need to band together taking that active approach might protect the process better we how about we send you a life recovery bible and we're also going to send you a copy of understanding and loving a person with drug addiction with alcohol or drug addiction we're going to send you that resource definitely jill thank you so much for the call we really very much appreciate there's a lot of people that listen to this program that are afraid to call but they get what they want because somebody has the same problem yeah and our call center 1-800 new life right we have resources we have a therapist and an interventionist and ass hoops she's picked up by the screen i wanted her to make sure the screener transfers her over to talk to our interventionist well we love what we do here we do it because god has given a calling on this ministry and steve and what he started we want to keep it going we appreciate your support in so many ways prayer amongst them are way at the top and finances as well but we'll be back on monday give us a call we'll be back then thanks for listening we hope this program has helped you by giving you insights for handling the challenges you face in your life we want you to know that we're here for you but you also need to know that new life live is a listener supported ministry to make your donation or to get any of the resources mentioned on today's program call 1-800 new life that's 1-800-639-5433 [Music] or write to us at new life ministries po box 1029 lake forest california 92609 please join us again on monday for new life live hi thank you for watching new life live you know new life live is a christian counseling program where we deal with the hard questions about life relationships kids free choice freedom of will whatever it's all right there on new life life every day every weekday 1 pm eastern 10 a.m pacific if you want to call into the live broadcast you can find the schedule on newlife.com or click the social media link right below you can see every episode of new life live on the new life youtube channel watch it with a friend watch it later be sure to subscribe and hit that bell so you'll never miss another episode so if you want to listen on the go download the app the link is right below and i hope if you need some information if you want to get some help you'll call us at 1 800 new life and i'll see you next time

Channel: New Life Ministries

Views: 875

Rating: 4.8400002 out of 5

Keywords: Counseling, support, community, faith, faithcommunity, advice, christian, therapy, therapists, counselors, addiction, parenting, teenparenting, marriage, marriageadvice, brokenmarriage, divorce, divorced

Id: BIMRR-m88-c

Length: 55min 56sec (3356 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 24 2021