[Channel Teaser] How A Big Lovable Lug Stopped A Pair Of Chaotic
Stupids From Ruining The Game This story was submitted by our viewer, Dave! Thank you! I would like to tell you the story of how
a regular guy helped rally a party and stop a pair of chaotic stupids from ruining the
game for everyone. It all started years ago at a pretty big anime
convention that would kick off in my area. A couple friends and I made a habit of attending
the con every year and hit up all the various panels and such. This year however was going to be a little
different for me. While passing the game room on the first day
I noticed a guy setting up some stuff for 3.5 and decided to check it out. He told me he was trying to get players for
a game he would be running Saturday -- just a one shot, but I figured it might be fun
and the guy was a pretty cool dude. It was around this time I met someone I can
only recall as BroDude, another awesome cat who zeroed in on the table around the same
time I did. We sat down and started making our characters
on the spot and even came up with a pretty great shared backstory. That night I could barely sleep as I was stoked
to roll the dice and go on adventures with a random cast of characters. Seeing as this was years ago, I do not recall
anyoneās actual names beyond my own character, but I will try to give them all fitting ones. First there was Grognarg, an orc bard that
was more akin to a mobster and conman than an entertainer like the class is classically
associated. He was thrown out of his mob family and is
currently looking for a big score to buy his way back in. Then there was Hitomi, a Kitsune cleric that
was the typical shy shrine maiden sort. She had been raised her whole life in her
orderās temple, learning and worshiping the gods of light and healing. However, her fox nature yearned to see the
world and travel rather than stay cooped up in the temple until she was old and grey. The third is Fink, a Goblin Sorcerer that
was laden with fire flasks and other explosives because he wanted to blow things up, even
when he ran out of spells. Next came Dink, a gnome rogue. There was not much about him beyond that. Then there was me, Frank, a human fighter
that was as tall and imposing as his strength. In addition, constitution stats were high. Frank had been a simple farmer until brigands
attacked and burned his farm, shortly after he met Grognarg who convinced him that he
could earn the money for a new farm quickly if he put his massive strength to work with
him. You might have noticed something: everyone
has a backstory and motivation but Fink and Dink. That is because they were only here as typical
murder hoboes looking to prove how big of a body count they can stack up. They did not care about the story, they did
not care about why they were here, and as you will soon see, they really did not care
about their comrades. We were hired by the Captain of the Guard
to help investigate strange disappearances around the city. Some witnesses claimed it was a demon that
snatched those people. Frank, of course, despite being nearly seven
feet tall and covered in armor, was instantly afraid. He is a simple farm boy after all and demons
are scary things that live in story books and nightmares. Fink and Dink immediately complained about
how useless the fighter clearly is. Grognarg and Hitome however take the time
to convince Frank that everything will be fine. āIt was probably just townsfolk gossiping,
after all,ā Grognarg assured him. āThey probably saw a bird or something in
the moonlight.ā āGee, I hope you are right,ā the big lovable
lug muttered in a hushed tone. The first lead we were given led us to a shady
part of town where people had witnessed the strange creature. Thanks to Grognarg we were able to silver
tongue our way around the place regardless of Fink and Dink complaining about not having
any action after five minutes. They would get their wish soon enough though,
as Hitome, being very well dressed vulpine, had started to draw a little attention. Eight armed men appeared and started harassing
the team. Grognarg warned them of what his man could
do. Frank however nervously asked him not to pick
a fight. Fink and Dink of course rolled their eyes
and groaned about how the fighter was trash. And Hitome pleaded for cooler heads and peace. Despite our best efforts, well some of us
anyways, according to bad rolls the fight was on. After the first thug took a shot at Grognarg,
Frank leaped forward and drew his blade. With a loud cry and a mighty swing he managed
to cleave through four of them in a single blow. No one hurts Frankās friends. Two were easily taken down with a quick jab
from Gragnargās short sword and a sheepish slash from Hitomeās scythe. But Fink was not satisfied: he was miffed
I killed so many guys at once, so he tossed a firebomb at the remaining man and lit the
alley on fire. Fink and Dink ran away, shouting that we should
do the same. But that is not the kind of guy Frank is. Instead, he grabbed a bucket and started helping
put out the flames. Seeing this, Hitome quickly joined in and
Grognarg quickly supervised with words of encouragement. 16544. With the blaze out, the locals were a bit
more eager to give us our next lead. Nervously, Hitome asked Frank why he did that. To which he said, "I know how bad it feels
when your life goes up in a blaze. Besides, we started the fire; the least we
could do is put it out." After helping put out the fire, people were
more willing to help us with our mission and started telling us all about the strange things
that had been going on. They also warned about a strange winged monster
that had been seen around the times the people had gone missing. This of course sent chills down Frankās
spine. Either way, we had our next lead: a burnt
down old church at the edge of town. Along the way, the DM gave us some ample time
to have character interaction and do some world building. Grognarg regaled Hitome with the harrowing
story of how he saved Frank from a band of brigands that had burned down his farm. Frank commented that he did not remember it
going exactly like that but his orc friend assured him it was just poetic license, something
to spice the story up a bit. Hitome told us about her life in the temple
of light, how she wanted to see the world beyond it. Frank told her about his dream to earn the
money to buy a new farm. Fink and Dink of course took this time to
complain and point how lame and dumb we were being and that gold should be spent on women
and booze. Eventually, we found the burnt down church. There it stood at the end of the alleyways. A single crumbling structure surrounded by
nothing. No grass, no trees, not even other buildings. It was like the universe itself knew to keep
as far away from this thing as it could. Cautiously we made our way towards the church
after Grognarg formulated a brilliant plan; everyone would walk behind Frank. But this only gave Fink and Dink one more
reason to complain. And that was the fact that Frankās armor
made him move slower than them. The pair quickly grew impatient and were demanding
he pick up the pace. Frank "politely" informed them that you can
only move so quickly in plate mail, but this did little to calm them down. They just kept on complaining and talking
about how useless the fighter was and how dumb I was for not getting lighter armor. Our search brought us to a wide open area
near the center of the ruins where the DM described several fresh graves that we could
see from a doorway. Fink and Dink ran past us all at full speed
without a care, leaving us all in the room behind them. All in the hopes of robbing the graves first,
something they both loudly declared they were going to do. The moment they got next to the graves, however,
a large bird creature dropped from the rafters and proceeded to slaughter them. With that their characters were down for the
time being, and the players were pitching a fit about how unfair things were and how
they were in stealth. After the DM, to his credit, calmly explained
that running into the room like greedy children to loot dead bodies had broken their stealth,
he then looked to the three of us and asked for initiative rolls. The fight was on. Frank charged in. Weapon drawn and shield raised, he gave the
monster a stunning blow to the side of the head with it. Behind him, Grognarg and Hitome came rushing
into the room, weapons drawn and ready to back up their fighter. Frank did his duty and held the monster at
bay while Grognarg and Hitome dragged the other two to safety. Blow after blow glanced off his armor and
shield while his sword bit into the feathers and flesh of this winged beast. With the most āusefulā members of the
party safely out of harm's way, the orc and fox joined the fight, slashing and stabbing
at the creature with their weapons. Hitome however rolled a nat 1 and her scythe
flew from her hand, bouncing off of Frankās armor and landing on the other side of the
room. With a well placed buff from Grognarg and
hefty swing of his sword, Frank took the head off the monster sending its lifeless corpse
to the ground. With a tired sigh he picked up the ādiscardedā
scythe and brought it back to Hitome. So, after spending quite a few of her precious
healing spells, Hitome managed to get the Goblin and Gnome back on their feet. It turned out that Fink, while buying tons
of alchemy supplies, only bought stuff to make bombs and explosives, no potions, surprising
no one. While they whined and complained about not
getting all their HP back, Grognarg and Frank discussed what had just happened and tried
to figure out what that bird monster was. That is when Hitome said the one thing Frank
had been hoping she would not. Hitome used her knowledge of demons to figure
it out and determined that the bird creature was a sort of lesser being placed within the
body of the bird. This news of course immediately gave Frank
the willies. More importantly though, she pointed out how
things like this did not just happen on their own; someone put that thing in the bird and
that someone had to be nearby. A quick search of the place revealed a set
of stairs behind the remains of the altar. Down into the depths below the old cathedral
the party crept; the darkness pressed in from all sides while the scent of mildew and rot
filled the air. We soon found out why it smelled so bad: a
small collection of zombies were being used to slow our progress. The battle was over rather quickly but Fink
and Dink still took their chances to try and get a shot or two in. Already annoyed with Frank for stealing his
thunder and surviving so many fights, Dink chose during the zombie attack to make his
move. While Frank held the undead at bay, the gnome
took out his crossbow and started to fire wildly into them. When the DM and Grognarg both warned him that
he might hit the fighter he simply shrugged it off and rolled his dice. Once again, however, nothing worked out for
the heel as all of his arrows just bounced off of Frankās armor. After the fight, Frank tossed the clearly
livid gnome his bolts back, and gave him a few tips on firing his weapon straight. With the undead cleared out and our tiny graverobbers
getting even more annoyed, we found ourselves in a wide open chamber deep beneath the ruins. Whatever its purpose long ago, it was now
used as an unholy chapel to creatures most foul and unspeakable. All around was evidence of dark and blasphemous
rituals and the mutilated remains of people scattered about. At the head of this gruesome display was of
course a man adorned with strange robes chanting away while carving a body. We all looked at Dink expecting him to do
something here, like maybe sneak up on him and stab in that back section. Instead, he flat out refused to venture into
the room alone and risk getting killed. Upon hearing this, Grognarg hissed a few choice
words at him before leading the heroic charge to attack the dark priest. The fight was quick and bloody, with Grognarg
running him through on his own altar. With the dark priest dead we knew we had to
do something about this unholy place. So, with a bit of arm twisting we convinced
Fink to do the only thing he knew how to do, and construct us a bomb. In the meantime, Dink did the one thing he
cared about, looked for treasure to stuff into his pockets. What he found though was a beautiful woman
locked in a cage behind the altar. Now, I am sure there are warning lights going
off in everyoneās head right now; I should know because they went off loud and clear
in my head too. Unfortunately, two things were not in Dinkās
favor at that moment. One, I do not like to meta-game. And two, I had been hoping for something like
this to happen all day. The Gnome rogue excitedly started to unlock
the cage while snickering to himself about how he was gonna get some action tonight. Once free, she begged the Gnome to give her
a kiss as a reward which he was all too happy to collect on. And that is when she sank her claws into the
back of his skull while sucking the actual life and soul out of him. Dinkās player went into another angry tirade
once again as the DM described how he was turned into a shriveled little husk before
turning invisible with a cruel cackling laugh. No one batted an eye as Dinkās player cussed
up a storm and stomped his way out of the game room and back into the convention. So now we had a succubus sneaking around and
a half finished bomb. Fink was not able to install a proper timer
for the thing, so someone had to stay and activate it. Just as Frank was about to take the detonator,
Grognarg snatched it away from his friend. āGet outāa here Frank,ā the Orc told
him before looking at Hitome. āAnd you, Ms. Priestess, take careāa this
big softy for me will ya.ā Fink being Fink was already halfway out of
the place the moment someone had picked up the button. As Frank and Hitome ran through the darkened
causeways, they could hear Grognargās bagpipes echoing off the walls behind them. They had nearly reached the exit when the
demoness made her move. Striking from the shadows, she cut the Kitsune
across her arm, paralyzing her. Hitome crumpled to the ground with a hungry
demon standing over her. Before she could claim another meal, Frankās
shield slammed into the succubus and sent her tumbling back into the darkness where
she disappeared again. Frank took the paralyzed Hitome in his arm
while keeping his shield at the ready, all the while scanning the darkness for the next
attack. Then came the explosion which rocked the catacombs. This would not be the end of Grognarg, however,
as with a few well placed buffs, a couple musical enchantments and some magical trinkets
burned, the orc was able to survive getting blown up with only two hit points left. Laughing like a madman, the charred and blackened
greenskin ran through the halls as the place started to crumble all around him. Meanwhile, a now enraged succubus leapt from
the shadows at Frank, screeching and howling, ready to tear him apart and escape this tomb. What she got, however, was another faceful
of shield. Frank was not about to let her escape this
time though, and slammed the demoness into an alcove where he kept her pinned behind
his shield. However, Fink did not stick around for the
ending. He just rolled his eyes that things were still
going. He told the DM that he was bored with the
game and that his character was going to just go tell the Captain of the guard that he finished
the job. With that he walked away from the table, not
even bothering to drag Hitome to safety, even after she did him the kindness. In the chaos, Frank had pinned the demon with
his shield inside of a narrow alcove just about the same time that Grognarg came running
by. Surprised and elated that his best friend
was still alive, Frank shouted at him to get the still paralyzed Hitome to safety and that
he was right behind them. With a lot of protest from the fox girl, the
burnt and battered orc scooped her up over his shoulder and scrambled to get back to
the surface. So here we are: the walls are falling down,
several tons of rock and rubble threaten to crush Frank to death. In the meantime, there is a snarling screeching
hell beast scrabbling to reach over his shield and tear apart any part of him she can get
her claws on. āYou are a fool,ā she hissed at him through
barred fangs. āIf we leave now we can both escape this. I will even let you and your friends live. Otherwise, we will both be crushed to death!ā āNot both of us,ā Frank shouted back in
defiance. Taking his sword he used the pommel of the
weapon to hammer the edges of his shield into the wall, keeping her trapped in the alcove
and pressed against the wall behind her. āJust you!ā With the sounds of screeching and the roar
of falling stones, Frank scrambled up the stairs as fast as he could. Just as the last of the catacombs collapsed
behind him, he stumbled to the surface and into the waiting arms of his friends. They all had a very 80ās movie moment of
laughing and congratulating one another. But there was one little bit of business left
to tie up. With Fink and Dink gone and the day saved,
the DM gave us free reign to write our own ending to the game before we broke. Without any debate it was decided we would
expose the Goblin as a fraud and claim the money that was rightfully ours. Fink was thrown in prison where he is still
blaming everyone else for what happened to him. Then after some off screen adventures, the
three of them would pull their gold and buy that farm that Frank was wanting. Grognarg would rejoin his family and use his
connections to buy and sell the stuff that Frank grew, who would suspect a market stall
to be laundering money after all. And Hitome, after seeing a lot of the world
on their adventures, would settle down on the farm. That was a pretty epic one shot. And honestly 3 out of 5 players being great
is not that bad for a pick-up game at a convention. Have ever had a memorable one shot with strangers? Please let us know! Donāt forget to subscribe to our channel,
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Why do I have a feeling that this is stolen content from the DnD Greentext sub?
Previous stories by /u/BardGoodwill:
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