Nahre Sol: Biggest inspirations, struggle as a musician, spirituality and more | PIANO MAENIA #4

this has been a a long time coming actually Yes actually I'm very glad we can sit down and go deeper into who you are and and what you do and actually like to start off by um a sincere thank you for what you are doing and mean to the the global say education of people and trying to make it digestible for many kind of people and sharing really your passion and you can see this and everything that you do that this is a passion of yours and that you really love what you do so thank you first of all thank you I really appreciate that that's that's so nice to hear and I thank you for inviting me over here and like you said it's been a long time coming I'm really looking forward to talking about music pianos anything so yesterday you played an amazing concert with Ben and um I think yeah people are going to be seeing some clips uh later on of this and uh also what I was so uh fascinated by because you are not only a Pianist but a composer and a ranger and like you you do many different things and I really enjoyed the fact that you created your own sound when you compose cuz you you are so good at recreating other composers and you've really analyzed and you know dissected of their kind of U techniques and stuff and uh it's so hard to be original and I really was amazed by how you know how original your sound was together with Ben like you you worked together also on some music and maybe you can tell me a little bit about your your process like how difficult was it for you to find your own sound or is it is it something that it's still in an ongoing process or like let's start off there yeah I would say I'm still really deep into the process I'm in the middle of it probably the early stages it's difficult because to learn composition it's not a straightforward thing to learn sound to develop your taste to just get to know what you prefer everything all the details from Harmony what types of Melodies do I like what types of instrumentation the sound quality what type of piano sound I I feel like every year it shifts a little bit in unexpected directions and it's just a process that you have to be patient with and in order for it to happen you or I do my best to fuel it with different things that sometimes maybe it won't influence me at all maybe it's just in the moment one month I'm really interested in you know Distortion or something like that and then uh it may not stick but I just do my best to keep my eyes and ears open for all types things that that can maybe enhance my understanding of what I like and and build that sound so uh I probably will continue this process for few more decades I don't know yeah I think it's also um everybody is obviously influenced by everything they see and hear in their lifetimes um so it's probably hard for you to maybe pinpoint who were your biggest inspiration because it's it's a combination of everything right but yesterday you mentioned several times like B was a big inspiration of yours um is there like are there several or or some composers that you could say that were the biggest influence on you as a composer definitely jsbach is really up there it's not something I could really articulate in specific terms of of course I can break down you know I love the way he structures things his his harmonies his beautiful Counterpoint and everything but throughout my life when I listen to box music it has always remained kind of Timeless and there's something about it that is very restrained yet very human uh I just feel comfortable listening to his music playing his music and I think that's why I draw a lot of direct inspiration from his music like last night there were three pieces that were directly related to one of his his pieces besides Bach I think as a Pianist growing up I I studied so many bethoven sonatas and kerity chamber music chopan of course I think there was one year I only played chopan it was uh just an endless discovery of wow so many things that he does pianistically that is so chopan that now feels almost normal but then you think back in his time these were all not normal and so chopan has been huge influence uh some of the more modern composers I think if anyone listens to you know a couple pieces of mine they can hear minimalist composers American composers like Steve R John Adams uh I didn't do prepared piano last night but I do that a lot so John Cage has been an influence on me as well yeah I also noticed that you are really into soundscapes and quality of sound the definition of sound and different tumers you're like in your compositions as well you I saw you also you know you use the Yamaha to layer like um and this is an interesting thing where you see that modern music you know can be a tonal or tonal or anything in between but I I can see that your experiment with going beyond what is you know within the the reference and and looking for something different or new um I'm actually curious how this process of yours um is like do you just sit down couple of hours and you say okay I'm just going to experiment with different layers of sound or like atmospheres or is it something that you have in your mind in advance and you try to get it out out of your mind kind of into the real world can you tell me a bit more I think it's mixture of both so a lot of exploration happens when maybe I hear something as I'm listening to music something new and I think oh that's a I love that sound sometimes I can't name who I'm listening to because I'll maybe listen on YouTube or Spotify and then there different playlists and all types of genres production maybe I'll hear a beat that has just an interesting texture and I'll go back and I just think W that's great and it's not like I try to store that and then search for instruments it just is in me somewhere in my head and I think subconsciously I remember I like that kind of texture so the next time I'm in a an environment where maybe I maybe it's just a piano and then I'm trying to figure out maybe I could prepare this or I have software instruments or synthesizers or something else and then I think uh all of those influences guide me to look for something that gives me that feeling like oh wow what is that so I've been experimenting with double key synthesizer piano prepared piano and what's frustrating is I'm not the most tech andlaw ically Savvy I think maybe yet compared to uh maybe you're stereotypical classical pianist yes I I I explore it way more yes but I also have seen the other end I have many friends that it's it's like part of their skin how to use all of this equipment but for me it takes me a while to just get comfortable uh but I love it it's so fun there's something about finding a new setup you're like oh this can work you know yesterday I had the sampler it's a Groove box yeah circuit Rhythm I've never used that until several weeks ago and and that was because I wanted to use those focal samples and I'm high on trying to make things practical as well yeah so I would love to show up on stage like 10 synthesizers and all of this and different microphones but uh it's beyond my ability and my comfort zone so I always look for a solution what's the easiest most simple way that I can bring this sound onto the stage or in a video or somewhere yeah with what I have too it's a mixture of sometimes I watch YouTube videos of people using all of these cool gadgets I think I need that I would do so much with that and I I just want to explore that but then I also have a lot of equipment at home and what I realized recently is that it's really interesting to hold back if I if I want to get uh something even a camera um equipment and say okay instead of getting it now let me understand this thing that I I have sitting on my shelf a little more and then and then the process of learning about it watching maybe a tutorial that leads to a sound I'm like oh wow I like that look maybe we could do that and then I save it this is just your way your process as an as an artist or a musician in general I guess we are always looking for something but um are we going to find what we're looking for is the question um I'm also curious uh like did you studied piano not composition or you studied composition as well I studied piano yeah and performance so how when did you start composing because for me actually it also came later when I really started to go into electronic music more and then it became like very useful all my knowledge that I had as a Pianist and then you know I always was really bad and when I was studying at Harmony and and like theory that was like my weak point but now I'm like happy that I had that you know and and being able to use it so was it a conscious thing where at a certain point as you were exploring electronic music you said I must learn more about this or just happen naturally I think it happened naturally because I wanted to do more I wanted to you know understand more and then then you have uh like you you are very inspiring and I also am very inspired by Jacob CER of the likes and the way that he is you know breaking boundaries of Harmony and that's actually beyond my capabilities and capacity to really understand in depth because he's using microtonality and it's like he's doing modulation into half half sharp and like that goes Way Beyond I think his IQ is like 200 or something like he's he's a genius obviously of course it's beyond my comprehension I actually remember when I first listened to his music how many years ago it was me too I think he was around eight years ago and I have you met him of course yeah oh I I went to his concert in in Amsterdam many several years back and I mean I've been following for several years as all musicians are like wow this this this person is just such an inspiration but um yeah so composition for you did that come naturally as well or how how did that come about why did you start doing that I think since I was younger and I I have some memories where I'd be at a piano just touching the keys and exploring different sounds my parents also remember me doing this and it was maybe the most permitted forms of improvisation like I would improvise with the Black Keys only and I just thought wow that's that's nice sound and I never really looked into that or tried to develop that further I didn't have teachers that encouraged this or supported this or even allowed me to just think about it it was very focused on straight classical repertoire and just On My Own by the time I was in high school I would make up little pieces just as a joke I think one of my fun this memories is kind of funny of of high school I went to a boarding arts school so you live there and there are piano rooms practice rooms and my friend and I we would kind of have fun with the younger uh classmates and we would joke that hey we wrote there there's this piece out there it's called the one that we did a lot was it's called the birds it's by this American new composer and uh he would narrate something say so this one is about peacocks then I would improvise something on peacocks and and just make fun poke fun at modern music at that age and we would get a kick out of seeing uh our classmates say oh that's that's interesting you know yeah maybe should learn maybe I should learn that what can I find the mus so actually you were naturally already more of a composer before you were a Pianist or I think so I always wanted to make stuff up and it was kind of a challenge for me to stick to one piece and in order to perform it well and and give your best you really have to practice it inside out know it just become it yeah and for me I I fall in love with these pieces but I have a hard time just sticking with it and dedicating everything to it until as it gets to the stage and and Beyond and what I would want to do is I would you know study scaven and then that would lead into Me Maybe in the early days not writing a piece not improvising but just being stuck in two measures just wow what is what is he doing that's so interesting being like Amazed by this piece of art and trying to understand it like how did this person do this and why what is the magic behind it like I I remember this also actually more so in electronic music like why I started to make it was because I was so impressed by the album of this I will send it to you later there's a producer called asteris and he um like when I heard this album and it actually became one of the probably the the best known album for the next 10 years like everybody was inspired by it and like it it was really really something else so I was like how in the hell is this person doing this with sound I'm it was like magic you know and the the magic actually happens when you start to realize that you you can't touch sound you can't see it it all happens in your brain like the way that he you know uses um synthesizers and structure and like all of these elements together to create this kind of interdimensional uh space and like you are literally teleported into another dimension when you're are listening to this and I was like I want to know how this is done so this was like 2016 and then I I really you know made it like my mission to understand now I'm at the point that I understand and I dissect it every like forwards and backwards you know what is it called again um it's called heart doart heart is actually like you see like you write like heart but heart to Art actually it's how he would pronounce it himself um I'll send it to you later actually I would I would love to listen to this together with you and see how your reaction is because it's very complex music and it's going to be I'm I mean I love it because I also love classical music and I love the complexity of it you know there's a lot of electronic music that is very banal and boring and like mainstream is cheesy this is actually the opposite of that you know so curious yes yes so we'll we'll get more into that later actually uh I I wanted to CH touch upon um I was obviously shocked and very touched by what happened yesterday like you you had a a night where you didn't sleep and you you know I had to get up early and I saw like oh yeah you had a really long day but nobody knew what happened mhm and I I I hope you don't mind talking about this because this is I think this is an important thing obviously because it is who you are where you're from and like then suddenly during the concert you announced like such a vulnerable thing and I actually cried when you when you said that and the music he played afterwards it was it it really touched me um so yeah your your father maybe you can tell me more about your father or your parents and like your your origins of of music can you tell me more about this yeah of course um it was and my of of course my sincere condolences because this is very difficult I I must understand I I I have been prepared and or our family has been sort of emotionally getting ready for this for many years because my my dad has been going through stages of dementia many other health problems and we've been seeing him suffer for many years uh but also you you can never predict what it's like I I certainly this is the first um you know I had grandparents um pass away but this is to lose a parent um I I didn't know what to expect didn't expect this to happen soon actually um so the night before the train ride over here uh I got a call from my family saying uh you know he seems rapidly unwell um he might not make this weekend and so I was actually looking up flights of already thinking maybe we cancel this weekend um and I I take the fastest flight the thing is I'm 18 hours from home and so I just think okay what's the fastest fastest um and within that hour he passed away wow and so um I was speaking with my mother and she said you know he would if he you know whether he's with us or not not he would want you to continue to share music continue to be positive he was uh a very positive person and I don't come from a musical background my my parents are visual artists my mom um studied sculpture wow and she also paints she very well creative you can say creative family and my dad he was graphy artist and a water paint a watercolor artist um with the traditional Black Ink oh wow yes so I grew up with ink everywhere paintings paper frames uh and he loved music he would strum on a guitar he he didn't play he doesn't sing he would sing out a tune but he just loved music and um he really encouraged me to continue playing he he couldn't tell you who any of the composers was I maybe chopan you can recogniz um and he didn't speak English so our home once come inside was very Korean very traditional you were born in Korea or I was born in the states in California yeah okay okay um and I think his art influences my music in in a way the fact that a lot of his paintings just use Black Ink something about that um in a in an abstract way translates to how I find color in music um of course it changes every season but a lot of times I why I like a certain sound or the direction that I'm looking for it's because it's not so indulgent in some area whether it's a sound or Harmony or a melody or a gesture uh and and that's the feeling that I I get when I see his art because it's it's very efficient yet in the details very ornate it is interesting you say that because now I do understand when I hear your music what you mean by that really yeah I'm also very visual audio visual oriented I I am you know besides music I do photography I make videos and I I love visual art and the combination of both like I also believe the evolution of media and art it's much more now towards the combination of audio visual arts and this especially in electronic music now at the festivals you see like the amazing visuals with the sound and with I always link to the electronic psychedelic music because it's such a to me it's such a visual experience in your brain like I see the sounds that I'm hearing and I can totally relate to what you say like when you say the calligraphy the black and white the contrast like your music you have like this this way of making this kind of contrast between the little the little notes and the atmosphere and it makes sense it totally makes sense um so yeah and you have brothers or sisters I have a brother uh is he into music not so much he has actually a really good ear and he studied when he was younger and that influenced me to want to learn music do you have perfect pits or I don't I I mean it's a rare and I think it's more of a I have piano pitch yes exactly a to pitch yeah yeah have piano pitch um which you know if I'm at the piano I I could fool someone that I have perfect pitch because I just it's in me I but can you can you actually do like cluster type things like get up to three notes wow because i' I've known some people where you do like like this like R them and they're like note for note they sit I'm like what once it gets Beyond three pitches I it it unless it's a core that I really know but that's already very high that's already like so it's it's refined piano pitch yeah okay so you're are from an artistic family and you grow up with you know creative around you um like yeah oh what you're were saying about visuals and how it enhances the music as you're saying that uh trans music or different types of electronic music I think it's such a natural fit and I've seen a lot of footage of different concerts installations um I don't know people on social media that I run into clips and I I'm so fascinated by how some people have figured out ways to either create collages or also have visuals in real time triggered by the music yeah I know there's the the midi triggering and the sound yeah you know everything that goes into that where it you can trigger the the lights based off of volume or or touch it's something that I would love to get into I would love to introduce you to this world but because you you would be so inspired by it and you would create even more interesting things because you're you're triggered by something new and and um you know the digital revolution has made this possible obviously with all the software the the latest 15 years of development like now it's a lot easier to create these kind of things for someone that hasn't been dedicating his life to it you know like if you work in Ableton or qbas or like I I use kind of all of them I'm yeah depending on the project uh I plan to look more to Ableton because it seems like a lot of the things that I want to do yeah when I try to find out what's the best way to do this yeah people guide me to well I I can I can definitely help you with that do you use Ableton I I produce electronic music with Ableton and since 2016 so okay it's Such a Pity yes it's Such a Pity that you have to leave because I would love to spend some time in the studio maybe there's a part two I come to Europe Lots yes I I would love that uh so actually my my follow-up question is like the main reason you got into you YouTube and social media where did this originate from because I'm curious whether it was just out of your own curiosity or was it because you you noticed that some of your answers or some of your questions weren't answered yet and weren't out there or was it because you had an urge to educate people more about topics you liked and like was there an empty somewhere that you felt needed to be filled or where did this urge come from to do what you do I about a year before I started YouTube was probably the darkest time in my musical life because what do you mean with darkest so you know as you study music there are a lot of ups and downs and you sort of just ride the waves of each stage you know you're trying to figure out how to play the instrument you're learning the repertoire you go to different schools you explore festivals camps competitions auditions now maybe you're in Conservatory I went through all of those stages not thinking so much I just think okay so this is the next stage okay now we apply to Conservatory okay now we apply to auditions and you know and I got to a point where after four years at juliard I already started to know I'm not sure this is what I want but I love the music what is this what am I supposed to do and so I took a year and I got a grant to study with Gabrielle takino who a stu was a student of Frances pinkow in Paris and also uh studied with naris Bonet who was part of the buan camp the L lineage and after that I I started to know more this is much more interesting to me composition studying Harmony studying an analyzing the music and while being aware of this I was shifted back into the piano performance realm because uh a teacher that I was working with closely for many Summers invited me to Canada and so I uh enrolled in an artist diploma program and it was very intense doing competitions and I was just broke at the time you know as a musician you know going through living in different cities paying rent it's it's very difficult and having odd jobs and I was just burned out spiritually I could probably handle it you know I'm pretty tough I think but I felt very unhappy because I didn't feel like I was being creative I didn't really understand what was driving me the main source of motivation was my teacher telling me you got to nail this audition and me looking around thinking everyone else is doing this I maybe it's I have to do this and me thinking wow I am so distracted I am so not motivated I'm inconsistent all of these things because people did tell me that because when you're pursuing you know preparing for a major competition if you suddenly take three days to write variations on something that that's not part of the the task at hand people will say what are you doing so um after that I had a falling out with my teacher was basically kicked out of the studio very uh because you didn't do what what expected um actually I never had closure on this oh um but I after that I just said I asked for a year off um to just group regroup um and and return and uh I was told you know that's okay I was on scholarship as well um that's okay take the year off come back uh but as I was moving back to Canada um because I spent time in New York during that year uh everything packed moving van ready to go I think at two days or something um my teacher said hey you know stop working on they'll come back basically so well you took it as a sign well or what um at the time no at the time I just thought wow this is how one fails you that's where you felt was your like your low Point yeah that was that was a low Point actually those that whole period leading up to how old were you then um I was 23 so 23 24 okay about 10 years ago now yeah yeah um and maybe 24 I don't know I'm not the best with the timeline and afterwards uh of course I was deeply disappointed sad frustrated angry all of this I felt just in a bad place what ended up happening is I returned to that school anyway to finish my year but I studied with a different teacher David Louie who uh I just adore he really was a huge inspiration to me because at that time he understood the circumstance and he also took interest in what I do he he saw what I do as not a not a negative not a minus you know he he told me do what you do I I I I don't let me mold you in to something you know have lessons a great teacher yeah and and and he also was open to if you want to play your music play your music if you want to have yeah he understood that motivation is key because completely this is the driver you know of things that um I always ask people when they're kind of even when they already are doing something or or working at a job like imagine money was not an object for you you wake up and you don't have to do anything what do you do yeah what would you like to do and this is a question that not people not many people ask themselves truly of course um but I think that he understood that you know you don't need to be like a whipping teacher you know kicking someone says do this do this and then someone's going to do it no you need to find what motivates you and then you don't need to ever again kick someone's ass like you want to do it because you want to do it nobody's forcing you you it's just this is the purest motivation and energy source there is exactly and he he he gave me the space to do that the freedom and the encouragement to do that and it was during towards the end of that year where I started to pick up the camera and filmed little videos mhm they're still they're still online they're uh just if you go to my channel and you go to the the playlist you can find even the first video um and they don't make any sense like what were they about like there's just Snippets yeah um I would I got really into stop motion photography all right so I would take you know a cup or something like that and then I would move it in different directions yeah in sync with a phrase of Music ah yeah maybe something by Pia move it around and it was just a fun quirky thing that was so exciting and interesting to make so it would be you know 30 seconds of that 20 seconds showing me playing something or practicing and you know a shot of my dog and that was when I I got Bobby I adopted Bobby dog one of my two dogs and I was so excited to you know film him all the time and he was actually really influential and me always having the camera and I think one of my earliest videos I short shot a short film about Bobby's day and it was there was a dramatic Arc uh and I compose music for it wow and stuff like that made me fall in love with combining music and videos the creative process yeah and I also knew that this was an interesting time period that maybe I will want to document in some way and which year are we talking now because YouTube came around 2006 and this is then this is already 2006 17 I started 2017 wow I started uh June I think June or July 2017 I uploaded my first video and it really evolved slowly where at first I didn't talk tried not to show my face um I had an early video where I improvised in the styles of composers on Mary had a little lamb so the stuff that I show with the variations those are thoroughly thought out yeah maybe some variations here and there but I I really study the composers to try to do my best to create a variation but what I did then was just purely an improp but I cannot do that for a full piece yeah so I did you know 15 seconds really poking fun it was supposed to be a joke and it still is a joke when I do this uh and that's the first video that got some attention and from then I was able to meet other YouTubers who reached out so kindly and I think having met them in person and also just remotely it sucked me into the video world and I started to be curious about how can I make a more complete video not something where I I say hey check out these cars here's my dog yeah it's a different approach you know long form right content versus short form and all of a sudden I felt like so many of the things that I love to do naturally can all be in one place and I have the freedom to mold it and this was very just so nice for me to just think I don't have to change something about myself to fit into being a classical concert pianist you know I I to pursue that I would have to change many things about how Who I Am Naturally and I felt like what I was doing and what I was exploring with the videos um I I could just be me and O over you know years I I evolved how I made them and I found more purpose as well in the beginning it was really selfish uh I made the these for a selfish reason I enjoyed it I wanted to you know document this learn something yeah exactly I want to learn more um but now it's shifted more to also include how can I do something useful and something valuable something that can help someone else and I I always think about who I was as a music student in my early teenage years when I think I I would have loved to see a video exploring different genres in the from the perspective of a classical musician about some uh analysis music theory videos in a way that I tried to break it down where it's not maybe too dense with the information but simplified I take a long time to learn something uh which I think helps with the videos as well because uh I I do my best to break it down in the simplest way possible because for me I need to do that to understand it yeah it's it's not a quick process at all so I do I I I hope I can do that for the audience so that a big part of it is simplified so that they can take it further it's a a great thing that you're doing in sharing this and you know breaking down the the process of something which is essentially difficult to achieve uh you know Master a piece or like actually a lot of the things and I mean I saw I guess almost all the videos that you produced and just thinking about myself and the process I had when I was studying and a lot of it was like yeah this is so true and similar to what I was thinking about in that process but to be able to share this and and break it down into something that most people can follow is so um valuable you know and uh like I'm referencing hman now like in a way that he's breaking down science and and complicated things for the average Joe to to understand and to to have like a tool that is useful so valuable and I think I it's it's an incredible thing that you're doing and I'm positive you're helping uh thousands of people you know with this would you like to perform more is that something maybe not sure because you're quite good at it thank you and it it seemed very yes we're rolling it it seemed very natural actually yesterday um and this is a nice uh segue into another question I had about stage fright like you know this is a very common thing for many artists and I'm just curious if you are bothered by it and how you dealt with it in your life and you know can you tell me more about this stage PR is huge thing did you have it yesterday of course I have it all the time wow and it's something that I have thought about a lot and I've done many different things to try to help it because of all the things that I've struggled with in music I would say stage fright is way up there wow and it's also something that is a mystery to me still but I'm becoming friends with Stage fight because I understand that everyone is different uh when it comes to getting nervous or how they feel on stage I have friends that they could go onto a stage in front of thousands of people like they're just going to dinner there's no that much there's not that much change for me even when I'm performing for I Don't Know by myself with the camera I get nervous it's um do you understand why that is that like because you have a certain expectation yeah well I think it's a several things so there's stage fright and then there's performance anxiety there's a little bit of a distinction there I think tell me are I think um the pressure that you put on yourself when you're about to do something and you have an expectation of the outcome whether it's you want to have the peace go exactly how you want or if you're thinking techn technically you want to be very accurate whatever it is those expectations for how this performance what you're about to do is going to be and you demand that from yourself I think that can translate into a sort of paralysis uh anxiety stress and you're not able to focus on the music and focus on listening and being present and as soon as you're outside of the music then your body your mind starts to take over and that feeling of discomfort translates into you know for me sometimes I just blank out or I'll shake really bad I'm it's so recognizable I've been dealing with this as well and I know it's due to the adrenaline right and your body not being able to cope with this amount of adrenaline that's being created and have you have you thought about like doing cold plunges and stuff like that have you have you experimented with this I've experimented with cold showers and and it did help me I'm just a little baby when it comes to cold I hear you yeah so I think they had a brief period of maybe 3 months it's kind of long where okay at at least 5 days a week I would start my day with a cold shower and did you feel that this impacted in a positive way like did you have actually some concerts in that period and did you notice a difference I actually don't think I had concerts uh during that period because it was during the pandemic but I did notice myself feeling a little more confident confident when I would record and and because I I really do feel a similar amount of Stress and Anxiety when I record as I do on stage so it's it's really the performance anxiety part and I realize it's very psychological I psych myself out I just think oh my gosh that has to be perfect that's so destructing yes and as soon as as I started to just let go of this perfectionist mentality and it's not trying to lower a standard but just reminding myself what is the point of doing this why am I recording why am I performing it's to bring this music to life it's to share it with other people and it's uh a very Human Experience it's for the of the music and if I focus on that and try to focus on what's exactly happening what am I listening to what am I trying to create then even if something goes a little wrong and not what I planned I don't freak out as much and I also am able to stay calm but when I come into a situation like a recording or performance and I'm the first thing I'm thinking about is I hope I don't mess up or I hope this doesn't go you're priming yourself for trouble yeah I I'll be nervous um even I'm I'm working this out all the time and I'm trying to understand it more and I also have come to terms with it that it's part of my personality as well I don't think I'll ever do something for and and feel completely at ease I think I'll always feel a little you do you feel like this is actually necessary for you to perform better maybe sub on a subconscious level um I think it's necessary sometimes to perform when there's more improvisation I think it's easier or not easier it's it fuels improvisation more for me when I'm in the presence of pressure and uh an audience wow yeah like I I personally feel like I'm I'm a I I'm a worse uh improviser when I'm under pressure because I I'm not in the comfort zone like I I feel like I improvise best at certain points in the day or if I'm in a certain mood or you know maybe some um other things that are influencing me but I I'm like there's an anxiety that oh maybe I'm going to improvise something that's so weird you know like this kind of voice starts to play in my mind but I I totally relate with what you just said and you know it's a it's a never- Ending Story essentially I I know people that like you said they couldn't care less they're on stage they're off stage competition exam no stress but what I do notice maybe it's a coincidence but with those people usually I felt like their performance was not as interesting or exhilarating or more bland if you will like emotionally there's no didn't grab me as much because they are so neutral about it MH I could see that it's a it's a it's a very tough but interesting subject for me because ongoing I I realize I I struggle with it and I think a lot of people do and do you feel like actually there's not being paid enough attention to this subject in school you know and in in the conservatory and I think so a little bit because especially when I was in college I would ask upper classmen I would ask my teachers what can I do I'm freaking out on on stage auditions anywhere and it's it's not something where there's a curriculum or some guided you know even a starting guide okay you have St stage five a lot of people will say make sure you're prepared perform more that actually does help that's the M main thing if you perform more you get more used to the the anx right EXA presence of we were talking about this yesterday at the table like when you're kind of getting into almost a routine like State your body kind of knows what to expect and there's not such a like extreme uh increase of dopamine because because it's not a complete novelty thing for your for your mind or your brain and it knows okay I don't need as much adrenaline as I usually re read I'm I'm not going to die you know so it's okay you know so there things like that and then uh also I was recommended Pharmaceuticals yes bet blockers did you experiment with them just once and just once means it didn't yes but I will say that it was an improper experiment so maybe in the future it's something I might look into a little more yeah but I tried it in the most um irresponsible way before actually before my last jury oh audition at juliard what happened in my senior year so uh will not disclose who it is but a friend of mine um she uses beta blockers and just outside uh the practice rooms she's just kind of offering them to students hey everyone's freaking out here if you want a beta blocker I have these yeah um don't recommend doing that you need to consult your exactly but as immature students so I took one and I walked into that audition feeling completely out of it it was definitely there were no nerves yeah and also no emotions yeah it was actually the the other end of things so the dosage is important you you took too much probably fora and I just remember thinking this feels like the opposite of performance anxiety because I I was walking in there I just did not want to play I didn't care wow and I was like what is this this is so strange yeah and I was not interested in trying it again but imagine you taking a quarter instead of the whole thing and then it would just take the edge off right right right that might have been a better solution I also think just in the larger picture of things what helps with performance anxiety and Stage Fright uh is also just lowering your anxiety in real life and and how things stress you out how do you do that do you work out do you do yoga or meditation I go through periods where I work out more consistently I'm I'm trying to be better at keeping things consistent throughout year but I do notice that when I am consistent with exercising more that helps also journaling uh I've tried different types of journaling for me it's best not to have such a system I try to keep track of my days that's a more of a scheduling thing but I'll write maybe four to five sentences about each day uh if something's bothering me what I loved about the day just something to get it out of my head and also I remind myself daily as I wake up what are my priorities it's for me family you know health health um family health and uh art Beauty I I I just want to add that into my life and also spread that um and it's quite simple you know and and I just think so many of the things that cause me anxiety are these little details that actually I won't care about in 3 days yeah and also no one else cares about uh and the more you remind yourself of that you just realize it's it's not too complicated and if something is worrying you uh whether it's my gosh I'm going to play in front of X number of people tomorrow uh just think in the context of that why am I stressed that's a beautiful occasion to share music and also to exercise if it goes the worst possible way what's the worst thing that could happen and I I not to I know it's not the best thing to f focused on the negative uh and you know a lot of people talk about be careful about what you visualize all this but I I'm comfortable visualizing the worst scenario MH what if I actually thought about that during the train ride here because I had no sleep uh you know mourning my the loss of my father uh exhausted from travel I just thought this can go really wrong like and it did yeah this can go really wrong in the end the concert went great thank you thank you you know fortunately yeah but I I I thought allowed myself to exercise the idea of what would happen if I completely drop off a cliff and this is a really unpleasant experience for everyone the music is not good and um it's a waste of people people's time and my answer to that is I think people have sympathy and also we are not robots uh and I also don't want to put pressure on myself you know people see me a certain way on videos and I try to capture the most positive and useful part of me in that 10-minute video but that's not always possible and uh I think it's okay if know there are failures and unpleasant moments yeah actually a topic that is probably linked also um to you know performance anxiety is physical this is the mental part right but there's a physical part that can be an an issue for many people I sadly struggle to this day with physical issues um related to Stage frame no to playing piano like I have neck and back uh issues long story but long story short I'm forced to deal with it and work on it every day in order to be normal like you know my question is like were you ever in your life having difficulties with physical aspect of playing and how if yes how did you deal with them or were you lucky one of the lucky ones that know I I know several people there are playing eight hours a day and you know working in behind a computer eight hours a day nothing no issue whatsoever and I'm like God I'm so jealous but you know probably they have something else that I don't have you know so it's like a you can't have it all yeah we we all have I think a similar amount of struggles just in different areas yeah and vice versa I've had wrist issues and forearm forearm issues re R RSI competitive strain yes yeah and there was one year where I uh injured my shoulder from something else and that affected my piano playing as well my main issue has been the consistency aspect what I mean by that is in order to be able to Practice 6 hours8 hours also uh maybe sometimes my recording sessions get a little intense because you have to play it over and over and over again in order to handle that you have to be conditioned and uh I've gone through Seasons where I'm doing so many different things that I'm not keeping up the conditioning to support what I'm ultimately trying to do that one week or that one day and so what ends up happening is that my my physicality is not prepared and causes an injury because all of a sudden yeah after two months of maybe practicing sometimes I don't know three hours a week all of a sudden I'm Switching gears and so is there anything that you do nowadays to prevent injury or like like like going to work out or are the specific exercises you do on a daily basis to for this I try to stretch every morning and I do my best to work out knots and massage myself with you know foam rollers uh massage guns almost every day almost every day I I for me that's more important than the exercising part the exercising part I feel more fresh and uh know it gives me a boost of energy sure but in terms of the energy the injuries I realize that if I don't stretch and massage different areas then it starts to get tight and before I would not recognize the tightness and see it as a sign that oh something's out of balance and I just push but now if something feels tight I kind of push back MH focus on trying to relieve that a little bit uh but I'm still you know working out working on it because I have a lot of things to improve in terms of how I approach physical activity exercise what I eat that's really difficult oh yes sleep oh yes that's impossible as you know now watching Huber right as we all know now thank you to Andrew but uh and I I read that book why we sleep M by Walker and sleep is number one essentially then comes Sport and diet yeah what do you focus on uh specific foods to eat because you seem very in shape yes I do I do and uh I do some intermittent fasting and I've experimented with that but I because of my health issues I'm kind of forced to take care of myself even more more and there's like a benefit to it because I am taken care of ultimately myself more than the average person that's so good but but um I've also done extensive research on this and the fact remains everyone is a unique person with unique needs and there's obviously a physical aspect and a psychological aspect and supplements you know sleep like your diet is not only the food that you eat it's what you watch and what you listen to who you spend your time with like I try to minimize my meetings with people I feel drain my energy and I try to increase if I meet because I am like an extroverted introvert I I I can be social and I can enjoy this but only for a short amount of time before I I need to go back to my man cave and create something you know recharge my batteries I I think yeah we might be similar in that sense but uh this is I think very important to see the holistic approach like the big picture is not just one aspect it's like the the plethora of everything together that is creating you and your needs and what you need to consider and you I also realize that there are some things that you need to be able to let go yeah even if you want them so bad right that you need to be able to say okay you know what maybe I need to not force some things in my life if if there is something that is telling me that this is not for me and it's kind of a wishy-washy thing but yeah actually how is your spirituality like are you are you religious is I mean music is religion obviously but are you spiritual I I would say I would feel the yes I would say so I grew up culturally Buddhist yeah it's so beautiful um I have a lot of influence going back to my dad uh he would meditate all the time uh prayers um in in the Buddhist perspective I guess um always a mixture of some chanting and meditation and his art was also a form of meditation yes for sure and the philosophies within Buddhism and and his own personal take on it so that has seeped Into Me culturally um for me spirituality is really rooted in uh a very quiet place that that I'm still tapping into uh in the last years I think I've been striving a little more to to look into this and explore that uh whether it's my own meditation and my own understanding of how spirituality is present in my life not just it's not centered somewhere it's inside of you in this quiet space but um but it's permeating into everything that you are doing everything that you're feeling and how you see the world it changes the perspective on things and also how I think of the cliche what is the meaning of of existing so these are questions that I I think about all the time and music is certainly something that helps me be in touch with this a little more and helps me know ask these questions in through sound and and also experience it listening to music for me is a very spiritual experience creating um I think it's it's also like a meditative probably for you as well like a meditative thing just playing music or working on something like you forget about time right yeah you're just in the moment you're like it's easy for you I mean I just I don't know why but it I feel like for you it's something similar but yes I think once someone finds this thing this you know iy guy concept so many issues they just fall off and question marks are kind of answered and you just have a purpose and sense of direction in your life actually I want I had one last question um if there's anything that you want to tell maybe your earlier self with you like uh or younger people like some advice um that you could give to your younger self at this point in your life what would that be I think there would be a lot but something that just comes to mind is to remember that you're part of a community and that you're part of this Earth with so many Souls so many people and when you have that context I think a lot of things that that seem like concerning details things that you're unsure about even mortality takes a different shape like you're part of the human species we're all trying to figure out life together with art we're all trying to express something human we're seeking Beauty we're seeking meaning and I think as a younger person it took me a long time to realize this and I was really focused on myself and how am I going to do this or where's this going to go uh how do I get from this point to that point how can it be like that and it was all just me me me and as As I Grew Older and experienced many things I just always come back to I a part of something that I don't understand that's great it's beautiful there are other people and I think that has shifted a lot of things for me I wish I could tell that to my you know 15-year-old self yeah very well said I think I it's a thing of age I guess you know experience when you start to realize things that are less important as you grow older and other things are becoming more important like family and health and this real realization of mortality as well and you know this uh these are all questions that I also Ponder on a daily basis and I would have loved to continue more but maybe there's a part two yeah maybe there's a part two yeah fascinating to talk about all of these things yeah so I just to finish things up uh really thank you for everything that you do please never stop thank you um and um yeah I wish you all the best with whatever your endeavors going to be you too and is there yeah maybe a last thing you want to say to your followers or audience or I think maybe just to add another part to your question um because I I took it in a more personal direction to any musicians artists individuals out there I'd love to send the message to not be afraid to experiment openly that leads to a bunch of failures frustration this and that but it's something that's such a beautiful process that leads to things that you don't even know that you're interested in or that you knew existed and I think we're always held back by hesitation oh maybe that's just too much or doubt maybe I'm I don't know how to do that just experiment see what happens yeah yeah couldn't agree more great thank you so much great conversation yes I really enjoyed it and maybe see you another another day yeah for sure

Channel: pianosmaene

Views: 877

Keywords: classical music, piano, podcast, piano podcast, pianos maene, slava presnyakov, music, classical music podcast, lex fridman, andrew huberman, lex fridman podcast, jordan peterson, annique goettler, music podcast, nahre sol, nahre, sol, music composition, harmony, music theory, improvisation, pianist, film scoring, jazz, modern music, video game music, piano maenia, slava, presnyakov

Id: CXw3RwNMgCY

Length: 75min 37sec (4537 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 16 2024