my year of rest and relaxation – a book review

she's a character that I feel like has let all the intrusive thoughts win [Music] hello and welcome back to my channel oh hi if you're new my name is Emma complete grad film student about to be film ground and I sometimes just sometimes make videos about books a long time no see I promise you will see more of me at the moment I stop agreeing to work on six different film projects at the same time that that was my summer but a while ago I promised you guys I would do a review of a Tessa moshberg I think that's how you say her name her 2018 novel my year of rest and relaxation I am obsessed with this book I will say straight off the bat it might be one of the best things I've ever read let's get into this this is a novel by a Tesla washbag she's an American author in her 40s her other notable works are definite hands fat burner which I believe came out this year actually and more importantly her work Eileen which is actually shortlisted for the man book prize which is pretty [ __ ] impressive this is one that I went into with really no idea what I was expecting I was very much anticipating Gossip Girl Vibes Petty New York Elite Society gossip drama that kind of that kind of an approach to wealth and privilege which are very heavy themes in this book but the way she is wrapped up in other things is like not at all I was expecting and honestly significantly better I was really expecting this to be rather vain vapid and amusing and enjoyable but instead it kind of crushed my soul quite badly um I was looking for reviews and stuff and seeing what people are selling it once I'd read it I found that this course was quite interesting in terms of how divided it is this book seems to be either you love it or you hate it and part of me kind of feels like that is completely to do with whether or not you get the joke I will elaborate on this young thin pretty a recent Columbia graduate an apartment on the upper east side of Manhattan paid for by her inheritance honor rate has many of the advantages of life but there is a vacuum at the heart of things and it isn't just philosopher parents or the way her Wall Street boyfriend treats her or her sadomasochistic relationship with her best friend it's the year 2000 of the world's greatest City a glitter with a wealth and possibility what could be so terribly wrong ah this book genuinely yeah this book genuinely did things to me because it starts out exactly you know as the blood suggests very New York privileged you know perfect and then you're just reading it like babe what the [ __ ] like the amount of times that I just had to stop and go what the [ __ ] did I just read the way this transcends so gloriously into just unhinged it's like I am so in love with this new genre that seems to be emerging more and more which is very very deeply rooted in this like female Revenge fantasy unhinged kind of she's losing her [ __ ] Vibe it's excellent it is so fun because you get so many more very complicated female characters there is so much morally gray area here that is just like I ah like that is excellent protagonist of my year of rest and relaxation that is a tongue twister try saying that she remains a night she is 26 years old set in the year 2000 against this backdrop of guest me impending doom of 9 11 that I guess is existing like more now obviously in our Consciousness but then with moshebeg writing this obviously now that's so like baked into it this like this like whole thing of anticipation like I was very very interested to see how that was gonna be constructed into the book especially in terms of how the timeline of this book is about a year um and it very much ends September 2001 so watching that build up is really interesting from like this now retrospective point of view the main things I find most interesting about this book right are like I said how people feel so divided on it it's betrayal of mental illness it's betrayal of privilege American pharmaceutical drug culture and eating disorders specifically to thousands Eating Disorders grief obviously the main driving force of this novel is that the narrator chooses to essentially isolate herself completely from a world for an entire year she chooses to sleep through her depression her mental illness really trying to drug herself out as much as possible and setting herself a limit that she will only do this for one year and then she will decide which he can recover and get better prompted by the loss of both of her parents within quite a short space of time and you know exploring this like really complicated you know relationships when you don't fully you know adore your parents and then for complicated feelings of like oh like I loved you but also you were [ __ ] but also you're dead now so I don't really know what to do with those emotions and the other thing usually for me was then like how without any intention to how deeply I felt like I identified with this book and how called out I felt so people seem divided on this right I absolutely adored this I immediately recommended it and lent it to one of my very close friends who I adore her she's so intelligent so I was really interested to see like what she would feel from reading this and she she did not like it she she did not like it I'm really happy that we had this conversation but she really really wasn't a fan we said she got to the conclusion that the massive difference in it for his lies is that I have struggled badly with mental illness where she hasn't that seems to be for a lot of people this like dividing line almost especially on moshevik's style because I think a lot of people have found it very rambling a bit confusing and a bit like I don't really understand what is going on am I supposed to know what the names of all of these Pharmaceuticals are always drugs do and like what the point of them all is and my opinion is no I so feel that her style is insanely deliberate and tailored and I kind of think when it comes to literature to assume otherwise would be silly like this author hasn't spent you know years staring at the words and the pages and like it hasn't been revised a billion times by editors it's written like this because it's meant to be like this much more of this like weaving between um objective and subjective storytelling the deliciousness of having a completely unreliable narrator who is droved out of her mind for most of this book is just like so much of what she says just comes out like a word vomit honestly and there's just something very very entertaining about that in the way that she is showing so many ugly parts of who she is she is not designed to be likable she's not designed as somebody that we sing praises about and we're like oh she's so brave and she's dealing with like this grief of her parents lost so well and like oh it might be like this no she is [ __ ] up in many many ways interesting putting this kind of mindset into somebody if it is objectively somebody we would aspire to be right she's white she's thin she's pretty she's blonde she's a Columbia graduate she's rich like this is this kind of person especially um in you know a New York Society where class is such an interesting American like American version of classified quite interesting because of how um you know it is very often wealth and material items that then allow people to cement where they like feel like they belong class wise uh whereas in the UK it's different because you know monarchy hierarchy Etc but it's so interesting having such an objectively desirable person be so [ __ ] throw some things that wonderful that happens in your own conflicting emotions when you can't when you because you built this familiarity you can't in a way almost at least in my case help but feel some sort of empathy and some sort of connection it doesn't matter whether you like her or not liking is irrelevant it's a fact that you have built a connection and a rapport with somebody and that then leads to your own conflicting feelings when you're like oh I don't like you I really don't like you but I can't stop reading this and I can't put it down and I haven't stopped thinking about it so for me I think stylistically this like completely feel like you don't know what's going on there's like a murky feeling of like not really being able to necessarily grab anything particularly tactile and sort of going with very much going with the flow it's so I found it very captivating and I found it a fantastic sort of snapshot into that sort of mental state and I kind of feel like that is what I mean by when I say like did you or did you not get the joke being that you're certainly not supposed to like her or whether you do is a very subjective choice but it's not designed for you to like her it is not a case of necessarily understanding the writing word for word but more experiencing the writing is a feeling and I think that that is one of the things that sets out a lot of the classics but I enjoy um lots of you know that and lots of you are here for that and I think this will absolutely be an instant like this to me feels like a distant classic and I mean it's also already been picked up by vintage which is pretty [ __ ] cool there is something about using literature to create feelings and atmospheres rather than just tell a story it's not just a play-by-play but I think that happens in This Woman's day it's very much about putting you so solidly in her mind and her mindset you feel like you're in her mind behind her eyes experience in the world as she does and that is something that I very rarely find in books and very rarely experience in books do you know how good you have to be to write this but seriously you know Mossberg has gone in with his attention of you know I don't care if you like her or not it means that she is this horrible mirror through which to view ourselves she is somebody that then you know negative traits can be put onto and examined through because it's irrelevant whether we like her or not right it means that she will do things and speak her mind which she does in many times would make you feel [ __ ] unhinged but that's part of the fun she's a character that I feel like has let all the intrusive thoughts win it's just nice to see somebody live in your dream you know for me particularly the reason that I end up liking her because I did was because I found all of that you know being called out in that kind of way feeling like you're being forced to look at the really ugly parts of yourself it it felt ultimately very honest that is actually where my empathy has come from is feeling that she's being very honest and she is not bullshitting you because she's so [ __ ] drugged up she hasn't got a filter she's got the capacity for a [ __ ] Fielder and this feeling of like acting out on your all of your impulses made it feel very bizarre and hinged but very kind of like you wish that you could do that because she has nothing to lose well you do [Music] I think it's quite gratifying and seeing through this that should we choose to we do all absolutely have the capacity to be completely unhinged but there are many social checking balance holding us in place but if we really wanted to could go off the rails rail speaking of going off the rails a master part of this is the portrayal of mental illness and I as somebody who has struggled a lot um I think this is the best betrayal of mental illness I've ever seen written genuinely I completely understand it's people who haven't struggled with it that they might find this like weird or maybe just genuineous or like oh this isn't what I think mental illness is but if you've been depressed this is what mental illness is like dead ass what being depressed feels like I think a lot of people don't seem to understand that like depression for example it's pretty [ __ ] boring it is very very boring like there is this weird dramatization of mental illness in terms of like oh you know people being crazy and people hearing things and like suicide attempts and all of that kind of stuff it's bad it's like high drama right but that's not all that's not what mental illness is much of it is insanely boring and dull like most of mental illness isn't about you know you standing at the top of a building contemplating whether you're gonna fling yourself off it it's much more in putting dirty dishes on top of dirty dishes on top of dirty dishes um letting things pile up and pile up and pile up and feeling like you live physically in this overwhelming state that is exactly how your mind feels it's very suffocating but you physically can't do anything about it which is the most difficult thing to explain if you've not been there you know it's this thing of how like she chooses to sleep all day it's I guess her interpretation of getting as close enough as possible the interesting thing is that she never at least not that I remember it she never talks about or discusses like ending her life she never seems to contemplate suicide um apart from this one time with a window but she doesn't there's no sincere or like elongated discussions about ending her life it's always very much about staying just below that in this like coma basically pseudocomato State and I guess kind of writing that out until she feels like she is ready to re-enter the world she just cocoons herself and away in her apartment all she does is order take out she even gets to the point where she was initially sending out her laundry and then she just because of her wealth she just started ordering new clothes instead of being able to wash anything staying in bed staying asleep staying just being conscious just to eat have a shower and watch some films and then comatosing yourself all over again there is a reason that as a teenager I watched pretty much most of the 90s and naughties like American rom-coms and that's why I think her style is so important it is a rambly fog absolutely we don't know what's going on because neither does she it's like watching yourself if you've been there and it's rough so then let's also talk about privilege I think this book is a great example and I guess thesis especially coming from me heavily heavily capitalist world of 2000s New York it's kind of like the overriding thesis money doesn't make you happy but it can fix a lot of things actually here I'm gonna add an addendum yes the concept that money can fix a lot of your problems can pave over a lot of problems however having money to fix your problems will never make you happy because the thing you need is substantial kind loving reciprocated relationships with people around you your friends your parents relationships these are the only ones that the book explores right her best friend her boyfriend her parents these are the only relationships that she has and they're all horrible she lacks the most fundamental thing that's supposed to make her happy I didn't care about the housing market or how much money I could get I wanted to hold on to the house the way you'd hold on to a love letter it was proof that I had not always been completely alone in this world but I think I was also holding on to the loss to The Emptiness of a house itself as though to affirm and it was better to be alone than to be stuck with people who were supposed to love you yeah I couldn't occasionally over the years when I felt abandoned and scared and heard a voice in my mind say I want my mummy I took the note out and read it as a reminder of what she'd actually been like and how little she cared about me it helped rejection I have found can be the only antidote to delusion [ __ ] me that's so sad it can fix a lot of things and that is exactly how she uses her money in this book how she uses um her inheritance and having sold her parents house having moved his flat on their free side she automates all of her bills she orders in all of her food she orders in all of her clothes previously she was getting a laundry service and then son just drugged up the shopping sprees she uses her money to fix her problems but it does not fix her it's kind of like pretend like that triangle of needs thing right she's able to meet most of her needs so that she is able to process the fact that none of her emotional needs were met literally none of them she did not have the loving parents that is the most important thing so I guess in a lot of ways this novel is a good way for call how we prioritize things prioritize you love a new friendship and all of that because that will help you when you're hella depressed because that will actually make you happy and money will just stop making you get even more unhappy is behold the Eastern Paradox of the you know unhappy billionaire it's um like an economic theory that once you have all of your basic needs met like on this pyramid the money stops making you happy it stops making there be any difference because you essentially have bought your way out of worry she essentially gets the privilege should we say to live out her mental illness in the way that she wants to being that she has a little plan of sleeping off and that is quite literally what she does she doesn't need to keep working because she can afford not to she hasn't dipped into this like survival mode I guess um in conjunction with her mental illness and her depression so again I completely understand why people then maybe don't empathize as much as maybe they think they would because you only see a section of the struggle because you know the other part isn't there um and therefore you think they are maybe not as worthy of your empathy as people who are going through a lot more struggles on top of that another thing that she uses her money for is drugs well American Pharmaceuticals I literally don't know what any of these do like I don't I have no [ __ ] idea what any of these things do um aside from apparently used to date her and make her fall asleep it's about as much as I understand like I said before my friend argued that she didn't like this and found it really distracting because she felt like she was supposed to know what all the different kinds of drugs do and stuff how they affect you I especially because I'm dyslexic as [ __ ] so I was never going to Google any of these drugs anyway because I can't spell [ __ ] um I don't [ __ ] care and I severely doubt that anyone reading this book unless maybe you're an American and there's any idea what every single one of these drugs does like I think the point of making it so so many and so overwhelming and so varied I think the point of that is we don't know what she's putting into her body because she doesn't know what she's putting into her body that's the guy thing that's meant to pronounce like this level of desperation not desperation complete other word apathy although she is at she doesn't care she has one objective that's to sleep of her depression and that's it I'm laughing not because it's funny but because it is pretty funny that level of exhaustion but then also I guess kind of fighting yeah the mental Battle of somebody who is an intelligent person and because she is she you read this and she is well [ __ ] smart and it's kind of this whole thing of she kind of just wants to shut herself up like she cannot stand to listen to any more of her own opinions hear any more of her own thoughts like she just wants some peace and quiet and sometimes I do understand that and that sometimes it is more preferable to feel nothing than to feel everything sometimes people just want to numb the pain that they're experiencing if she'd got herself comatose you've been gassed about it let's be real and I just think this whole thing would be a warming about pharmaceuticals is very and how it feels very chaotic again is this reflection of mentally how she's feeling I went to the bathroom and took stock at the medicine cabinet counting out all the pills on the grimy tile floor in all I had two ambient but 30 more on the way 12 Rosary 16 trazodone around 10 each of atvian Xanax Valium nibutol and sole often plus single digit amounts of a dozen random medications the doctoral had prescribed only once because refilling something this particular might trigger speculation by the insurance Wizards like you can't tell me that this isn't written in a way that is supposed to be deliberately confusing and overwhelming and I just felt like what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] the half these words mean like so many of the paragraphs that I've pulled for this video um it's less about the content but more about the way that this makes you feel it's so confusing and overwhelming and I don't know what's going on and I'm just kind of gonna go with it because this is very very just even look at the way that she writes look look at the way that she used ascended instructor oh my God not to go like full English teacher on you but her all of her like ascendant is a deliberately overloaded and way too long and many like you know causes and stuff just because it's meant to make you feel like you're running out of breath trying to read the entire thing and that's certainly how I feel saying it but that's kind of how it makes your brain feel hmm it's the division between the feeling of like overwhelming and chaotic versus then the other moments of feeling of like fog and sort of confusion and sort of dipping in and out versus the intrusive thoughts for waking up on a random train in a coat or waking up you know with random Polaroids if people you don't remember meeting it's just kind of like division between her two states of mind and then her trying to essentially mentally negotiate this through imposing this on it and I would argue that one is absolutely a reaction to the other and they definitely prompt the need for such extremes because she's not able to self-regulate which is why she even like you know drugs herself full of stuff and then it's this kind of sea soaring of this and then deciding that she's going to fully clamp down on this by the end of a novel where she basically sleeps for three days straight wakes up for about two hours sleeps a three-day State again and enlists somebody and the guys and letting him do an art project or whatever um with her subject that she enlist has helped to take care of some purple basic needs and then she can just cruise through until the end of her experiment um yeah it's like what happens when you can't self-regulate because mummy and daddy didn't love you it's an interesting one though I there is no there is no moralization of her experiment of her like decision to just try and sleep off there is no moral discourse on that as to whether this was a good idea a bad idea whether it was successful whether it wasn't because we don't know really if it was successful um you're kind of led to believe that it is but it's not moralized which gives you the space to completely then figure out how you feel about it maybe it is of a selfish way of putting this oh but this is very much how I feel because I kind of was like oh this is cheating I felt like she was cheating because she wasn't feeling any of her emotions maybe that's a [ __ ] up way viewing it and maybe it feels like cheating because she got herself socially tap out she didn't need the money so she could just look after herself so I guess maybe it's feeling like she cheated because she didn't have to deal with anything else while dealing with mental illness when most of us who developmental illness have had to deal with all the other [ __ ] too so it's kind of like oh if I could live in a vacuum then how would that feel the other mental illness aside from the narrative depression that is heavily featured in this book is bulimia it is her best friend's um bulimia so if you're anyone who is currently suffering with an eating disorder or has just recovered from one I would really not recommend this book whatsoever don't touch it don't go nearer even if you've been recovered a while this might be one to go in with with Extreme Caution because if you're not ready this could absolutely trigger you so I'm just gonna flag that up as a warning I won't discuss this long but it is so so poignant about like 2000s diet culture that like now many many people's especially gen Z's parents if she's 26 in 2001 she is you know what 45 almost 50 in 2022 having been around you know different friends from others those little comments about food you know the ones like oh you're gonna eat that other oh that dress doesn't quite you know fit you it's so interesting seeing like this heavily in there and then like feeling out in like the rest of your life because it is so so there it's the whole 2000s nothing you know nothing tastes as good as skinny feels um which Kate mussels now deny as saying um she got it from a fridge magnet I'm like okay early 2000s the whole heroin cheek thing it's fully in levels of androgyny really very much coming out just being so skinny that you start to lose any definition so that you don't know if it is meant to be a female or a male body like why did you think that so many Millennials got really kind of freaked out and waited out with Gen Z trying to bring back a lot of like Y2K aesthetic because the Y2K aesthetic like yeah it's fun it's glitzy it's like a bit over the top but the main thing about that was the fashion was hugely your body nobody in their right mind likes low-rise jeans nobody the whole point was that it was a fashion that was gate kept from anybody that wasn't tiny you weren't showing off the jeans you were showing off having a flat stomach and a lot of fashion at the time was being marketed by selling bodies not by selling clothes fashion is absolutely still marketed this way even now but it is a little bit more conscious at least we are more conscious of it has less of a grip on us because we can kind of see what it's doing now so within the context of this book it is Riva the Renee's best friend who's the one who has this eating disorder it's quite interesting how it is something that the narrator fixates on she almost fixates on it in the way that Riva seems to fix it on it for narrator like puts herself constantly on a pedestal she does this with so many things you know with her intelligence her privilege her money whatever but also I think the fact here is that she being thin is something she also puts herself on a pedestal for she's almost smug that she is the size of it she is when she does nothing while Riva does everything to try and be smaller I think it's another way that the generator justifies her better than new mentality because she needs to get her kick somewhere right mommy and daddy didn't love her nobody loves her she needs to make herself feel good somehow and in this case it's by comparing herself to a friend that she regards as less than and she does it constantly like I'll talk about it later she all she does is tear her down they don't like each other but somehow they need each other because they don't have anyone or anything else and this is again a great example of how moshevik's rhetoric the way that she crafts her language into being so dense and repetitive and overwhelming and it's it does [ __ ] with your head it does it [ __ ] with mine yeah no this kind of [ __ ] up my relationship with food in my body for a good month which is quite interesting for me as a person because I've never had an issue with my weight I've also always had you know a strong metabolism and favorable genetics and I've always been conventionally attractive and sized so I've never had a complex about my body and the book made me think about it which has been a first obviously the book isn't calling me fat the narrator is conditioned to believe such things because of a society in which she lives kind of reminded me that like oh the brainwashing about this kind of stuff is real very real [Music] that made me reevaluate a lot and just how I approach myself and also just how being kind to yourself really doesn't cost anything so much of a tragedy of this is that both girls in the book they're just not nice to each other or themselves book is delightfully [ __ ] up genuinely it's like delightfully [ __ ] up I'm fine now by the way um it's also just been very very important for me I think because I read this had a little bit of a crisis about my physical image and then I because I've I've recently diagnosed with ADHD I've started medication one of the things it does suppress your appetite which meant that there were some days where I just forgot to eat and then clocking an undertone of secretly enjoying it and being like oh great this is like an easy way for me to deal with like this complex that I was having and then because this has been made so conscious to me because of what I'd read I was so aware of it and was able to essentially pull the brakes once I realized I was having those thoughts and going oh oh no this is [ __ ] up this is not something that I would like so then being able to like [ __ ] that bring it up with my psychiatrist and being like you put me back on a lower dose because I want to not give myself an eating disorder and put myself in an unhealthy weight range whatsoever so no this is missing thing yet gave me a complex for a little while um but do I think that was a bad thing um because it made me it put this kind of acknowledgment of this sort of thought process right at the front of my mind which then meant when I genuinely felt those things that part of me was able to clock that that's what I was doing and then put a stop to it before I caused any damage to myself physically or any more damage to myself mentally because I don't know had I not had this on my mind consciously but I necessarily would have had the you know capacity to clock oh this can get dangerous very very quickly and then don't think about it and with all the mental illnesses that you can have I really think having been to all Bell schools and seeing people suffer like eating disorders are genuinely the worst of the worst and I really mean it when that is the last thing you would ever ever wish on anyone because it doesn't just ravage you mentally it ravages your body it ravages you socially just like not a single part of you is spared whoever already touching this but how I I have identified with a book about mental illness and privilege however how have you identified with a book about mental illness and privilege it was a confrontation and journey into a lot of feelings that I have through many years now with therapy made my peace with and you know recognize how well I have recovered but I could read a book about depression but yeah especially with the whole thing it's like money doesn't make you happy it doesn't but what it does do is it buys you the ability to not have to worry and some of you may disagree with me on that but you know it buys you the ability to feel like you can buy food have a place to live pay your energy bills it buys you security but then again Eastern Paradox spend the more money you have you start creating your own worries because you get accustomed to a certain lifestyle I'm getting worried about losing it the other thing about this but I was so so uncalled for in terms of being a personal attack was her boyfriend now her boyfriend in this first of all his name is Trevor which I think is hilarious and he works in the World Trade Center and he's a finance bro and he's not very nice to her if you know my personal life I'm sure you will find that particularly funny also I kept thinking this every time they had an argument hey hey honey good to see you how you been [ __ ] trip a [ __ ] Trevor but it's such a good example of like what the aspirational city life is meant to be right on weekends I did what young women in New York like me were supposed to do I got colonics and facials and highlights worked out on an overpriced gym laying the hamam until I went blind and went out at night and shoes but cut my feet and gave me sciatica I met interesting man at the gallery from time to time I slept around in spurts yeah like this feels very Gossip Girl you know what I mean like yeah you're a young beautiful mid-20 something woman and you're enjoying your first job off your unpaid internship because your parents paid for your place to live in the city during the internship and now you're going on a more well-paid first job role probably in the Arts because let's be real we probably work in publishing or in galleries or in you know something like marketing you're a creative corporate girly and of course you have a boyfriend who works in finance or maybe he works in law and you go on Lovely dates to everyone by lovely obviously mean expensive this aspirational lifestyle that you feel like you're supposed to have is very Vain and fat bed and it doesn't really mean anything when you don't have your most basic emotional needs taken care of in the form of loving parents and genuine friendships and genuine emotional connections yeah I guess it's a good wake up call to care more about how you feel and how healthy and strong and rewarding your interpersonal relationships with people around you are rather than carrying about how your life looks and that other thing feeling like you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and feeling like you're where you're supposed to be at which any woman in her 20s will tell you is a horrifying feeling when 30 is presented as such a daunting age to us because we're supposed to accomplish so much by then accomplished what you ask what pressure to have had a child be married still have a career and a house and all of this other kind of things by the age of 13. which meant all and constantly being reminded that you have a biological clock is fun fun and on a petty note her characterization of this um Finance fro boyfriend Trevor it's born spot [ __ ] on he sent cars to pick me up my dorm whined and died me and asked the head with no shame in the back of cabs he charged with a company account I took Mrs proof of his masculine value he clearly had something more important to me I was going to go there to be with someone more important than me after my hour with him was up they are literally all the same oh [ __ ] hell um no no this is my favorite one this is my favorite one but Trevor was six foot three oh oh my God the amount of times right that my friends have been like Emma why the hell did you sleep with him again I'm like um honestly because he was six foot two oh oh Christ alive but honestly though the guys were six but they're usually fine it's the ones who lied to you about being five foot ten they are the [ __ ] problem but yeah um but he was six foot three strongest argument of modern dating yeah this book called me out on things I just never expected to be called out on [ __ ] hell if he's gonna treat you that badly at least he was six foot three that is kind of how I feel about this book it is something that whether I wanted to or not I identified a lot with both the good and the bad and there is a lot of bad and there is a lot of opportunity here if you're so secret to be presented with a very very ugly mirror of yourself which is still true and honest and sort of seeing and being made to acknowledge and kind of forced to acknowledge the ugly parts of who you are and the Ugly parts that you care about and prioritize over the things that are actually you know emotionally important or emotionally healthy and I guess maybe it's a final thing do I think that do I think her sleeping off worked during this period my waking hours was Ben gently lovingly growing recustomed to a feeling of cozy extravagance I put on a little weight and so when I lay down on the living room floor my bones didn't hurt my face lost its mean Edge I asked for flowers on June 1st 2001 I came to an across legged seated position on the living room floor sunlight was kneeling through the blinds Illuminating crisscross planes of yellow dust that blurred and Wayne as I squinted I heard a bird chirp I was alive I was initially assuming she would emerge from a slumber and go straight back to the New York high life but she doesn't do that she's sort of I guess she's just more gentle with herself I feel like when she stops sleeping every single day it doesn't Herald the end of her recovery actually Harold's the start of her recovery the start of the more kind and conscious things but she now may go on to do to and for herself though with kindness pain is not the only Touchstone for growth I said to myself my sleep had worked I was soft and calm and felt things so I guess it's kind of hopeful but then also there's again something delightfully [ __ ] up in the fact that this seems to have worked for her which again is the running theme of the entire book right you're like what but ultimately I completely understand why people are divide on this book I totally totally get that but for me this is one that in many many ways was right to find its way to me I identified with a horrendous amount of this book and like I said felt very cold out for a lot of it and just to be experienced about reading it was very very familiar in so many ways and I just think it's for me personally I think it's brilliant I really really think it's one of the best things I've ever read but it won't be for everyone certainly in a quiet taste and you certainly need to be a certain kind of person another level of emotional damage and [ __ ] up humor to be able to make the most out of it I guess kind of like how you know when you're struggling with mental illness make a lot of good self-deprecating jokes so yeah when I feel like people don't like the book it's because they didn't get the joke it's probably because you also don't understand why people who are heavily depressed and anxious and stuff and make a lot of self-deprecating jokes it kind of feels like familiar with Twitter this won't shock you you'll feel right at home those of you very long awaited thoughts that I promised many many years ago honest eggs my year of rest and relaxation there we are I have linked below and in the cards lots of other videos about books and stuff I'm gonna try to make videos more again if you're wondering where I've been I've been making my grad film I'm currently editing it I'm obsessed with it thank you very very much for bearing with let me know how you guys felt about this book down below I'm genuinely like gas to hear how you guys like felt about it because this is a good one thank you very very much for watching like subscribe and all the Jazz and I will hopefully see you guys very very soon the protagonist of this the protagonist the protagonist but protagonist the product the protagonist I can't speak

Channel: Emma Angeline

Views: 17,310

Keywords: emma, angeline, sarcastic, fish, youtuber, british, vlogger, Lit, Uni, ottessa moshfegh, my year of rest and relaxation, book review, emma angeline dyslexia, emma angeline bookshelf, emma angeline books, emma angeline book review, ottessa moshfegh interview, ottessa moshfegh lapvona, rest and relaxation, my year of rest and relaxation review, year of rest and, year of rest and relaxation, year of rest and relaxation review, emma book review, book summary, video essay, book thoughts

Id: nIE8FKM5Wjs

Length: 41min 13sec (2473 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 08 2022