My Husband Lost A Bet And Wrecked Our Budget

Melanie's with us in Wichita Kansas hi Melanie how are you I'm good thanks for taking my call sure what's up my husband and I are in Week three of the SPU and last night we sat down and we did the allocated spending plan we had everything set up for the month to where every one of our dollars was assigned to something well he had made a bet with some buddies at work and he lost the bet and this morning without saying anything to me he got paid today he took $200 out of her account I don't even know how to address this with him or even where to get the money to get us back on through track so what are your suggestions okay so why did he not tell you about this when you were putting the budget together last night well we learned about it and I told him you what about it I knew about the beds okay but I told him that if he wanted to pay the guy back he needed to take it out of his blow money not out of the rest of the budget right and so how much was in his blow money we do $18 a week okay well he owes the guy $100 that was a dumb idea you can't you can't give a guy $100 when you only have 18 so you didn't have a solution well the gotten one $18 a month your husband's word is on the line he owes him a hundred bucks so hundred bucks should have been in your budget last night uh-huh so he did address it he and I to you you just didn't have a reasonable solution and so he honored up and paid his bill when it was due this morning so $18.00 blow money's gone for sure that's where that's 18 of it now we got to find the other 82 and you guys got to wander through the budget and do that tonight so but so number one when you know something's in front of you don't pretend like it's not there and that'll be helpful for the future number two he has to understand that you felt like you guys had a contract and just like he felt like he gave that guy his word he also gave you his word last night and so now you feel like he kept his word to that guy but lied to you and he needs to feel that you had a contract last night he broke the contract this morning right well and he didn't feel that he and you and that pissed you off and I don't blame you okay so you guys that that's the point when we agree on something on this paper it's a pinky swear in a spit shake and we do not change it without both of us coming back and agreeing to change it and so what he should have done when he left the table last night he should have already had the hundred dollars worked out and you should have two in the budget so that this so that the guy was paid what he was owed the next day and don't make any more stupid bets at work you're trying to get out of debt now then that's what y'all should have done but if that didn't happen then when he got there this morning and felt the pressure to pay the bill that he owed to keep his word he should have picked up the phone and called you and said hey we got a contract but I also got a contract over here we got to work this out I'm not okay with us doing this eighteen dollars every paycheck or something I need to pay this guy we need to work it out and y'all talk it through on the phone and adjust the contract does that make sense uh-huh kind of if you get to the grocery store and or you get to the gas station and there's no gas and there's no gas in the envelope you got to get home because y'all screwed up your budget right then you gotta call him and go I gotta get home so I'm taking a little bit out of our food money because I got to get some gas money in the car and we gotta adjust the budget tonight and I wanted to tell you ahead of time so you don't so you don't feel like I broke my word to you when we get home tonight because that budget becomes a contract where you won't trust each other that we're joining hands and walking out of this and that's why you're calling me because that made you mad when he broke his word right you know I don't blame you but but you all set it up to where you put him in a box and he didn't he's gonna break his word to somebody this morning it was just a matter of who and so and I don't I don't like what he did but I also don't like what y'all did last night that put him in a box where he didn't have choices so y'all if y'all too handled it last night it wouldn't have been there because he knew he was gonna face this this morning when he got to work he knew had to look at that guy and go out with a guy on her bucks now I'm not gonna Welch on the bet no you're not gonna do that you're gonna pay your bill and because that's what guys do when we do stuff like this and that it may be to Melanie that's a what I'm describing may be a kind of a guy thing I don't know I don't know if ladies act that way or not but when two guys make a deal like that it's like a blood oath you know and his honor was on the line this morning is where y'all put him you follow me I'm not taking up for him because he he dissed you in the process but you got to understand he was under extreme guy pressure honor his integrity was on the line and that's why he did that he might not have done it if it was something else he might not have done it if he just buy himself a candy bar or buying himself something for $100 he might not have done it but the good news is you guys get to learn this real early in your budgeting together process which this is your first day doing it your first week doing it and you get to have a really good healthy discussion without you yelling at him or something like that but this is honey you don't understand this is like you lied to me that's how it feels and you're not a liar and that's why I'm so upset this is like a contract here we both initially hey I'll tell you Melanie sharing I had so many of those fights we killed each other we got to where we had to initial the corner of the budget like it was a contract because we had we wanted to make emotional have emotional surety that we both understood how serious sticking to our word was and I have been on the phone standing in Sam's Club going honey there's something on sale here I'd like to get it's not like I'm a wuss and I have to ask my wife permission to go the bathroom or something that's not the case but I had made a promise to my wife called a budget and I wasn't gonna break my promise to my wife so I call her and I go hey hey I'm gonna be $10 over I'd like to take that out of this other category is that cool she says yes boom we have a budget we have an amendment to the contract the contract has now been amended and now we buy the thing at Sam's Club and we come home smiling and everybody's okay but I did not just come home and go look what I did which I used to do and that's just as a stress right there so yeah this is this is really tense day for you it's been hard on him emotionally too because he had to decide who he was going to break his word to if he understood that he gave his word last night but you after tonight he'll understand yeah if you explain it to him clearly that this budget is a contract between the two of you and when you start treating it that way man you guys are gonna do so good you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna call me back on this change my marriage this changed our communication level it changed how we look at the future it changed our view on everything it it's amazing marriage counselors use budged this very budget technique to cause couples to work together on life when they're struggling at getting along because it creates unity because when you agree on your spending and you keep your word to each other and you communicate heav'nly you're agreeing on your life and so I completely understand why you're upset and I would be upset if I were in your shoes too but understand you put him the two of you his his not dealing with it last night went beyond his part but the two of you boxed him into a corner last night and this morning he walked right through the paint he painted in the corner he walked his walk just took his wet shoes right through the middle of it and that that's what's happened here so I'm really glad it's only a hundred bucks and I'm really glad you knew about it ahead of time sorta and I'm really glad that you're ticked about it and you guys are gonna have a good discussion about it because it's really this is gonna be a thing you point back to ten years later and you go that was the day that was the week we changed our life right there so this is going to be great as long as y'all talk it through and come to solid agreement on this as a contract from this point forward very cool stuff good call good call that's normal stuff happening there this is how you work through it this is the Dave Ramsey show hey guys thanks for watching if you enjoyed this video click the subscribe button to get the latest content and check out these other great clips from the show [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: The Ramsey Show - Highlights

Views: 239,886

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Id: iRcBpZEyW0E

Length: 9min 25sec (565 seconds)

Published: Mon May 08 2017