my fav buzzfeed unsolved true crime moments bc i’m in denial over it ending

it's just the wind yes right here it's the wind you're not freaked out a little bit right now no what the [ __ ] dude it's the wind you want me to close the window let's close the windows [ __ ] this [ __ ] if anything that will make someone easier to hear footsteps they sneak up on us [ __ ] you right let's open the windows ryan i think we've resolved it all right well it's been fun see you later i will set this house on fire and your children are going to die who could it be who could have done this george and jenny turn to a private investigator named cece tinsley yeah cece tinsley's here apparently they got an investigator from a time machine they dropped them back in time of course oh yeah that's not how they spoke yes that's how they spoke well the chief did this was apparently to provide some closure to the sodder family i guess you could say that's a heartfelt gesture ryan oh [ __ ] no no no man see you guys later nope sit down tearing type wounds with missing tissue end quote as the body was missing most of its right leg that's a shark baby i know i've seen jaws at least six times that's a shark well not so fast huh don't jump to conclusions i'm jumping i've jumped i've landed shark it's a shark just keep in mind things may not be what they appear huh on the great white shark's behalf that they can do such a clean bite well it's a powerful animal yeah hell yeah i mean it's not a bear but it's it's it could certainly kill a bear hands down if you dropped a bear in the ocean you know a bear no we've been over it before the bear is the most deadly animal of all time no it's not yes it is no it's not yes it is no it's not if you put a bear in any uh playing field in the world water nope hippopotamus no [ __ ] you dude hippopotamus is the most killer this is a different episode [ __ ] you do that sometimes people will claim things uh in an effort to make themselves seem more accomplished in that field well none of us are impressed no serial killers yeah that's gonna really let it sink in they're going to see this video and be like he's right pack it up you know what let's be doing stop it you're really hitting at their heart right now stop it keep going maybe you'll make a difference stop serial killing quote miss you better look at that note i have a bomb end quote what's so funny about that he has a bomb i think it's funny that he passed her a note to be discreet about it like hey keep this on the down low and then she was just like thanks and walked away and he was like hey uh you might want to read that because i've got a bomb oh god damn it uh yeah i got a bomb everybody the razor boy razor boy would be a good sidekick for him razor voice nuts axe man and razor ball max man i think strikes a little bit more fear into my heart than razor boy lock your door's razor boys out tonight by the way two figures razor boy oh my god he's back no we're not going he's back from boarding school [Music] one thing is certain and that is some of those persons who do not jazz it on tuesday night if there be any will get the axe jazz you better jazz it he turned jazz into it we got a chat he turned jazz some believe the axe man to be a supernatural figure that could slip through tiny entrance ways and become the large man that witnesses describe the killer to be no no no no no it's just a theory well it's dumb he shrunk down like a little mouse is that what you're saying he's like now i'm big time to die there it is i've connected the two dots we didn't connect [ __ ] but i've connected them just pretend to be someone you could still do that today no i bet you i could check into a hotel right now and say my name is uh ricky goldsworth but then they're gonna say oh do you have a credit card sir and i'll be like oh yeah this is my uh my friend i'm just putting that it's just a deposit right now they're gonna put handcuffs on you right away where'd you grow up ricky goldsworth oh i grew up down the road where no what city oh new york city you grew up in new york this is happening in new york now what's your mother's name ricky goldsworth uh lucy goldsworth what's her main name lucy gold crumbling well i wouldn't stumble like that i'd have a i'd have a a prepared response you'd be firing him off i'll be firing him off and i'd be like what's the [ __ ] hold up i'm trying to check into a room and you're giving me a goddamn inquisition is this how you treat all your customers all right who do you think you are that's fair pokemon at this point i'm giving you a room all right you did it you win you win ricky no i wouldn't one of my greatest fears i think i've said this before is that someone will trick me into doing heroin which is the dumbest fear i've ever heard in my life it could be against my will how many situations could even put you up to that potential danger i don't know all it takes how many parties you go into with heroin none but someone's like a lot it's not the fear that i'm at a party it's a fear that someone would come up to me on the street and put heroin in me and then i'm hooked forever what the [ __ ] i do sort of love the the language here though you tell me we're through great what else do you want i murdered people for you now what clearly she's the jerk in this one yeah oh great oh so i'm the psycho because i'm murdered oh because i murdered four people thousand windows overlooking the route but since they didn't have enough men to station at every window they opted to inspect none of the windows along the route not a good alternative you know there's far too many [ __ ] it you know just call it a day well we don't have enough guys to look at all these windows what if we adjust don't do [ __ ] but that's like a good idea but sir the president's gonna be coming to town yeah he won't care what are they gonna do shoot him i don't know how i would describe your face to someone i just say yeah uh you had a nose uh sort of looks like a cartoon gopher yeah i if i had to describe yours i would say first off do you have uh some paper that could fold out because you're gonna need a lot of real estate to cover this guy's head yeah it's huge probably the size of most barn doors [Music] it's a space season i'm excited because i imagine it would be pretty hard to explain this i know this looks bad he's got a head cold let's peek behind the curtain and see a little bit behind the glitz in the glamour well but you know what they say it's not all glitz and glamour wait you just said that right yeah no i don't know how else to restate it sometimes people get murdered in hollywood what a story gold goldsworth it's really coming into his own you talking to me obviously i wouldn't want to be kidnapped and murdered or mysteriously vanished from the earth it's kind of neat to have people talk about your last known whereabouts though yeah yeah like he's like oh i saw shane at the d and b he was playing dave and buster he was playing flaming finger and then some men came over grabbed him by the arm he got on a a mercury marquee yeah he got into a mercury marquis yelling i still have tickets i haven't cashed out yet bro i'm gonna buy some disappearing ink i think that's the key to any good ploy right you got to get someone that's someone uh that's someone so like is the one where we're gonna whack me and i saw you in the car i'd go well obviously everything's okay shane's coming in i'm just going around the block come on in ryan come on in okay i'm never getting into a car with you ever again even despite the mess of the hot dogger sorry shane bugar is all the way i have video of ryan watching the uh the musical from last season and you can see the smile on his face no you don't i do that doesn't exist roll the clip i was doing some heteronormative [ __ ] you were unbelievable i apologize my question is a [ __ ] mary kill goat man mothman bigfoot thanks so much okay first off happy birthday demented question you got there uh i'll toss it over to you first this is okay i think i i think i got that's okay i think this is an easy choice for me it seemed easy now but i actually know i think about it stuff like you go first [ __ ] the goat man i stole his bridge you should he already doesn't like you already [ __ ] him metaphorically this tea looks like ooze it's also neon so maybe we shouldn't drink it yeah what is this oozlong tea okay you can keep going [Music] i don't think you're done laughing at your own joke you want some more time no do you need some ooze long teeth yourself so stupid funny when you say dumb all right well you didn't poison this did you i wish i did now it'd be a rough life to know that all your friends could kill you at any moment yeah it'd be even surprising if you didn't see it coming yeah some people see it coming though and there's nothing they could do about it that's true nothing they could do about it yeah that's what i'm saying i don't like this bit ryan what bit are you talking about nothing let's continue you'll be preventing the hot dog next installment which oh no it made it into the main show no we did it cut it out keep it in cut that out cut that out i'm serious cut that out that keep it nice there is a sanctuary that is the main effort it's infected and that's kind of not you cannot corrupt it okay i wanted to make you nervous okay all due respect here what kind of [ __ ] game are you he's not trying to find you i'm on your side you know you can point at it with your finger just as effectively no but see oh well now who looks like an [ __ ] me i feel kind of stupid all right you ready to go i got one last piece here dress for the job you want right yeah oh don't laugh you look like owen grady from jurassic world you happy with that look i'm happy with my look are you i'm actually pretty happy with yours too just think when they take our picture for the paper this is what we're going to be wearing you're welcome to make fun of us on your little subroutines all you want despite what these outfits suggest we did take this very seriously yeah for a month [Music] what's up feed hey bud won't you go ahead and park this good catch don't scratch her oh you murdered someone you got 40 bucks did meet some of the most insufferable people had an improv class i can't believe that but they also met me all hail the watcher end quote i'll hail the letter tell me in my minions we all did it done it again and i've done it again my father in his father yeah one thing i've always said i'll always go on a record saying all hail the watcher that's true he has said that he says it every day when he walks into the office i walk into buzzfeed morning i'll handle the watchers the watcher and we do the same thing it's like all the other watching we did murder that was so and everybody murders people on the scene there are characters based off real people our co-workers in fact stephen oh little steven lynch stephen lim the try guys we murdered them all yeah we did that's good boy last thing i would want after vomiting is to be killed this is from free range grass did you click on this person's profile because i need to see what it is yes this is this is oh jesus christ you can't really see it but it's it's just pictures of us this is pictures of grass over and over again that's so funny and you know what and you did get a new blow dryer recently remember same same blow dryer i want to say like six months ago you were like i got a new blow dryer you were very excited well my blow dryer is my grandma's it okay i'm not gonna argue anymore because that's a such a wonderful little nugget that i'm happy to have it's it's a way all right that gets to get too dark yes my dad grandma's had a hair dryer okay the next day is like a family percussion circle but there's no drums it's just your bellies oh now that's good [Applause] now you take it away shane [Applause] toss it back that's good it's good yeah we don't know we're all just hurtling through this inky black on this blue marble well that was nihilism with shane let's move on to the next question if i get murdered nobody come to my funeral don't think you're gonna have to put that disclaimer out it's gonna happen on its own are you that's unbelievable now that i've put the disclaimer out yeah yeah yeah that's the reason why there it is i don't want anyone at my funeral you hear me yeah final question what do you think about an unsolved worth it crossover i actually have an idea for that i was in a church once it happened in a church oh my god i don't go to church i was just with one of my friends and he was like well go to church and i was like all right man i was like nine so you're telling me at nine years old you don't go to church the first time you crossed the threshold into holy ground blood expels from your nostrils yeah yeah or they ran out of tissues mopping that up it was wild it sounds wild co-workers timmy's ball is gone yeah this is this is this is a fake this is a sham this is a fake ball this isn't timmy's someone stole timmy's ball what if timmy came back and took it i thought about that but i don't think so you did think about it from yeah you kept them short as the uh as the season went on i appreciate that something that somebody in this room knows nothing about brevity and um yeah all right uh does that do it for a question i was talking about you i mean when we started this show i was 25. yeah if i went missing for like a week do you think you'd be alarmed or would you rather think so that's that's nice i didn't think you'd be alarmed i think you you're my friend i don't like how you said that you said it you're my friend why are you yelling at me you're my friend you're my friend god i would be concerned if you disappeared and we'd get a pretty baller season out of it because it'd just be me being like i don't know what do you got anybody seen wouldn't that be this show's greatest accomplishment that we pissed off a vanished so much that they unvanished themselves after they you know they got so angry yeah that they came out like cooper was like [ __ ] listen i saw what you said about me getting speared by a pine tree db cooper breaks silence db cooper break silence to dunk on ghoul boys it's very you don't need to condemn from our vantage point in history and so we do condemn wholeheartedly i'm just saying that most times ghosts haunt the house that they were in or where they died they don't work or whatever's convenient for the story yeah i know rip that mustache off your face i'd love to see you try here's the thing you put a bunch of rich people together oh there's gonna be some murder all rich people are murderers what's fancy coming from you and your silk turtleneck here eleven dollars on amazon.com anyway yes safe to say all rich people are emerging i don't think that's what this case is about nor do i think that's bad don't do it don't just eat body positivity i got it out there you know that is a good point perhaps you're not the idiot i detective figured maybe you do have a detective brain i do i'm very observant big brain big head big hair yeah all three in tandem you're the triad of detectives my brain is large has many synapses who describes himself as an agent with underworld connections i do generally does hair go through the school or is it come from the time absolutely not how do you understand anything about science how does where does hair start do you think it starts in the brain ryan yeah it starts with the gross skills dog i'm not going to do that with your bones i'll bequeath my bones to someone else when i hear a bump in the night my immediate reaction is not to go to you no what happened a phantom has entered my home that's exactly what i did i talked exactly like that hello is this 9-1-1 and i have a cartoon phone dude the devil is here send god first time we looked at this case brent was still alive and you know we didn't really go the violent state in which the body was left pointed investigators towards murder no [ __ ] sorry i just spit coffee on myself oh [ __ ] disaster you're a disaster and stephen king is the master of horror yeah and cocaine okay him and his son are alive i don't trust myself to preside over the cooking of a bagel in the toaster that's like i burn it all the time you expect me to make a call in somebody's life give it the yes or no like i'm commodus that's insane the other day i turned the stove on to boil a pot of water and i turned the wrong burner on and i set a towel on fire yeah let's put this guy in charge of the murder trial the guy who can't boil pasta yeah see in the original uh version of this which is first episode i honestly remember nothing from it i watched it when it came out and i remember thinking what a fundraiser i ain't going nowhere uh i'm just kidding someone's calling you oh it's probably a telemarketer don't hello would you break me out of prison if i got a no i got arrested i mean you don't have to answer it that fast oh sorry would you i'll ask you again take a longer pause oh no it's not the the amount of time you're saying sure just take some time to think of considering it here man if i got into prison would you you son of a i wouldn't heist with you oh oh us heising yeah i'd pride heist with you i guess yeah it's too late i guess some of them were just acquaintances so you son of a [ __ ] how dare you you just got hit with a chill then you're smiling well initially there's a lot of sunshine around here and we said oh dear jesus that's fine we said well we're not gonna shoot in the sunshine it's not just oh it's the dust trying to think of a good lawyer joke his lawyers nobody likes them right no you're doing great this is good stuff you got a lawyer joke no i was actually just kind of just watching look we haven't toured the borscht belt okay we're not we're not comedians we're just a couple of [ __ ] do you think it's possible to have a literal heart attack because you were of so much so much fright attacked your body at that moment that you had a heart attack is that possible i think that happens all the time it makes me scared about all these places we go to yeah because i could just straight up get killed i'd probably make him funny the whole time too is there anything more embarrassing than finding my stiff corpse in the middle of a dusty hallway with that stupid erector set camera on my chest and a spirit box in one hand it is just especially because we'd have the gopro footage of your your still face and then i communicate with you through the spirit box yeah and i'm going i'm god shane save me please take me to the hospital get still time and i'm like i didn't turn this [ __ ] thing off the multi-hyphenate yeah you're moldy hyphenate right host actor [ __ ] puppet man puppet man um we own bridge big head owner yeah what else do you guys well i want to be a tap dancer but you won't go to those classes with me i've offlined with you several times about getting those tap dance lessons and you never really well suddenly it was oh there's a pandemic we can't go tap dancing excuses excuses as he played yes we have no bananas yes we have no bananas do you know that i know that song that's cool do any of you know that song it's a good song you i've said this before are a strange man my parents my mark and sharima date they brought me to life they said this one's going to be good for the internet when chipotle announced that they had an e-coli breakout shane and i thought this is the best time to go get chipotle because there's going to be no lines and we went there and it was glorious extra guac they were filling up those chip bags to the [ __ ] rim they knew they had to get rid of them and who were they going to give them to the ghoul boys what were you thinking so i'm thinking more candy centric a terrorist group says what up we're poisoning nerd's ropes i'm going out there and i'm going out there i'm stocking up if i get poisoned let's call that an occupational hazard in all seriousness though i thought it would be hilarious to try stand up and bomb have you ever done that no ryan has experience jumping out of windows shaq's never caught him with his wife and he never will yeah it came up again in this episode you're a window jumping and i want to say this is fraudulent i've never ever had uh an affair with shaq's wife no i did not have sexual intercourse with that woman as we know the last time someone uttered those words they were telling the truth i do not have sexual intercourse with that woman he has never had sex with shaquille o'neal's wife no but i have jumped out a lot of windows back in my bank robbing days little stinkers because that's really if you were being outwitted if you're the police and you're outwitted by a group who signs every letter sincerely the little stinkers that's that's devastating i love this this thread comes up often in these cases there's usually an envelope that says do not open until my death i'm also going to do this myself and it is going to contain the dumbest things ever put on paper is it going to be that drawing of you with three butt cheeks if something tragic happens to me you know even if it is very suspicious don't even bother talking about it just move past it talk about my you know how much i loved my funny little cat and sarah and sarah sorry i put obi first but then conspiracy theorists will say that you were being coerced to say don't look into my suspicious death and then they will in turn look into your suspicious death conspiracy theorists are a bunch of [ __ ] losers here at the post office you see your neighbor she's all you know she's got one like one of those blacks yeah the sarah winchester and you're like yo are you okay what happened and she was like my husband got sucked into a toilet what sorry i didn't mean to laugh could you excuse me for a sec he died doing what he loved how much would it take to buy you i honestly don't think i would receive money for the death of my friends no i don't think i wouldn't do it 20. i wouldn't do it 100 i'll take it that's i thought i'm actually honored that it would take 100 mil for you to not give me away 100 but you know what though i would let them pay me off and then i would thwart their plan oh but then they'll kill you no they won't why not because we teamed up oh and we [ __ ] killed him bro can i throw one out there sure aliens that's right that's right a little gift for the old birdmeister i'm putting all my chips on alien you know what here's my chips putting them all in as well it's aliens holy [ __ ] we solved it we done solved it we solved it we [ __ ] [Applause] for post-mortem this comes from uh colin mulholland congrats on the street i was like that's all it takes in this wait it's a year wait let me just get this straight so our away my lesson here isn't i know that sounded like he's saying it sounds like our takeaways are don't call in a dead body and probably you'll get away with something i think encouraged me to do it more than i ever wanted that's not true that is true i saw you sitting over the shoulders of the editors with this like gray on your face going like like this literally like an even super villain you look when i saw you over there because buzzfeed used to be laid out in a way where i could see the editors and i could see shane walking over there and i could see them looking at the screen i knew what they were editing shane looked at the screen with like the reference of like like he had footage of the the original moon landing he was just sitting there it's brilliant it was like a super villain and i was like wow he's looking at animations of a [ __ ] hot dog right now but i'll tell you what we accomplished a lot i have my uh case file here of all the things we solved hang on a second what okay are you kidding me you're trying to poke funny what's going on here on the last episode how long have we what did you just said we've been at this for a long time five years five years and he's still still doing this something must have been solved right cheers to the worst detective agency ever assembled

Channel: M ac

Views: 440,108

Rating: 4.9770613 out of 5

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Id: ZZpiQyjIl14

Length: 26min 46sec (1606 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 02 2021