'My Father Never Wanted A Relationship with Me '| Lost & Found | Real Families with Foxy Games

[Music] tonight on lost and found i went and ran and switched it over looking at him growing up without his father ted was shocked to see him on tv he got to choose some prizes and he said i'll take the wetsuits for my son but a broken promise left him wanting after that the years went by the amusement park he last saw his mother when he was four the circumstances were pretty unpleasant later an angry phone call left him bitter and i threw the telephone number away now a health scare has pushed him to find her just over a year ago i had a heart attack and almost died and a broken family a girl wants her dad my mother has always told me that my father never wanted a relationship with me and i guess he just didn't really care my course can families that are lost and found a little bit longer you know they're always unpredictable i was buzzing out far i mean [Music] [Applause] hi my name is ted grant i've been looking for my father jack brooking it's been 28 years since i've seen you i haven't seen you since i was seven it's important to me that i find them for myself and for my children and my family human nature is interesting a child's push for acceptance by a parent never wavers [Music] ted grant's a keen surfer and every chance he gets he's in the water with his daughter savan [Music] the surfing is a link back to his father as a youngster ted was taught to surf by his dad but that was the last contact they had [Music] ted's a proud dad with partner tanya they have three children nine-year-old savan kira five and levi too ted works in forestry on the east coast driving trucks and building logging roads fly to gisborne and then drive 150 kilometers north to remote tiki tiki to meet ted [Music] ted's mother had a short relationship with a man called jack brooking in wellington in the 1970s but that relationship ended when his mother moved home to wire rower taking ted with her but in spite of being 400 kilometers apart ted regularly saw his stand in the early years when was the last time you saw your dad the last time i've actually been with him was when i was seven he was gone and all my childhood with my father disappeared [Applause] when he was 14 years after his dad's last visit ted suddenly saw him on a television game show i saw him on wheel of fortune my auntie rang me up and told me my father was on tv so i went and ran and switched it over looking at him i was buzzing out oh i mean just kept looking at him and then i can remember him saying um because he won the round or something and he got to choose some prizes and he said i'll take the wetsuits for my son who i haven't seen for a very long time and yeah i knew he was talking about me i've had on for that for for ever since he said that and um that's the last time that um i've ever seen him acknowledge me was that time and after that the years went by and no contact at all for almost 30 years ted has wondered why jack brooking disappeared from his life i start my search for the long missing jack without much success but when i locate his birth records i find his full name as jack manny herrera brooking such a distinctive middle name makes my search easier on the company's office website i find jack maneherra brooking as a director of a business and then on that business's website i find a phone [Music] oh number my name is um david blamers are you by chance jack or jackson jackson well the reason i'm calling is um someone's looking for you oh is that right there's no ted grounds jack i discover is curious about a son jack lives in wellington has an 18 year old son a new partner and runs a gardening and maintenance company but i ask jack if he can meet me in tiara a small town right on the east cape it's where jack was raised and where his pakia ancestors landed in new zealand [Music] well there's no doubt who you are uh thank you how are you good coming to grab a seat services where did brookings come from is it yes it is the first settlers that came in was uh julian arthur brooking came across our moldy ancestor who was already here um tarpita girard yeah great spot isn't it were you ever on a tv program wheel of fortune yes i was yes yeah he saw you on there when he was a young teenager that would have been about 18 19 years ago he remembers you winning a wetsuit and saying this is for my son who i haven't seen for a while and you never turned up to give him that wetsuit i didn't actually win the wetsuits they were prizes that were up for grabs how did you lose contact with your boy i saw him when he was born and then his mother wanted to bring him up in warrell i tried to keep him contact every day i wrote to him for about probably a full month but i never got a response at all and ever since then i've been in the dark so i've got no idea where he is and i just thought to myself well if i can't find him if he wants to find me he'll find me so would you like to see him somebody has also loved to see my boy so this fella that's your boy hi jack i'm ted i'm your son i'm the guy you haven't seen since i was seven years old if i can reach out and hug you i would hopefully that they will come i want you to meet my children i love you dad he looks like my father so that's your boy yeah oh my gosh oh there's a shock to see a fully grown man that is your son you know that's you that's your boy happy to meet him lovely i'm wrecked i'm wrecked and i can't wait to meet him [Music] the next day i head from tiara 20 kilometers south to tikitiki it's incredible that ted should be living so close to his ancestral home without even realizing it but before i tell him the news i have a few questions for ted and for his partner tanya you've been looking for your dad for a long time now what have you done to try and find him i've looked up uh ancestry.com looked up the phone books and stuff and and even rung rung down wellington about it about all the jack bookings down there and still haven't been able to get any positive out of it what would it mean to him to to find his dad really awesome it'd be awesome if i can find your dad what would you say to him um well i'd probably do what comes natural but um i'd definitely give him a hug definitely talk to him yeah get him to write out the missing information in my birth certificate um ever since i've been growing up all the information about him says i knew i was hoping that if i did get the chance to meet him again and if he could fill those missing gaps out for me like his birth date and ethnicity so you don't know his ethnicity whether he's maori pakia or or what i'm pretty sure he's pakia but um yeah i really don't know he's not maori well i've met with your dad oh yeah i have found forestry worker ted grant's dad they haven't seen each other for almost 30 years there's another surprise for ted i'm pretty sure he's pakia but um yeah i really don't know he's not maori well i've met with your dad all right well he's a maori champion okay his roots are in tiara just up the road there and he's going to come and see you tomorrow [Music] hide up thank you jack has asked that the meeting with his son be the next day because on this rare visit back to the east coast he needs to visit his father and tell him that a lost loved one is about to return for jack it's a spiritual moment a cleansing process hey dad good to be near you again i've got a special gift for your dad um i'm about to meet my oldest boy ted what better way to bring him into the back to the far now then by bringing him to you guys here then just showing him where you are and what lineage he's from [Applause] the next morning ted is in tiara with his daughter savan did he do any good runs she has come to support her dad as he meets his dad and her grandfather when you lost contact with your dad do you have any idea why that happened um i don't know why no i don't know he says he wrote a letter to you every day after he last saw you he says he probably wrote about 30 letters i might have read got read one to me but i can't remember if that was from him no i don't remember them that dad who wrote you all the letters he's waiting to meet you yep hide up yeah we'll walk around just around there in front of a tree guys you're dead so good luck 28 years listen [Music] oh no i'm sorry mr i had butterflies going on totally nervous almost tripping over when i saw him all my memories started coming back then i got a hug and held my emotions in and then we started being natural then the butterfly started slowly going away can't get enough of this it's quite appropriate that we're under this 600 year old pahutakawa that's a landmark of tiara this is the strength of of our people this is where the roots are [Music] so where you been all my life so this is the little one oh she's so small no you've compared to us hugging my dad was was emotional i felt like it was meant to be natural that's lovely out there isn't it i feel like yeah the puzzle's been put together and yeah got him now there we go and we smile looking at my daughter and grandfather honestly i didn't think i'd see that sweet what an awesome awesome sight for jack meeting his son and his son's family has been uplifting [Music] it's a good feeling to to know that you know your son's turned up get it check and you've got some more to carry on your lineage before heading back to wellington jack leaves two special parting gifts his name on ted's birth certificate and his heritage not having my father's heritage and ethnicity it's bothered me for a long time that'll help me tremendous amount so this is my grandfather [Music] and this is your great granddaughter savann and my mate lives down the road and i was coming past you all the time and i didn't even know it this is my whakapapa this is our blood i'll finally it's just um it's a wonderful feeling i couldn't be more wrapped my little boy's growing up but he's still my little boy ted and jack are now in regular contact they've had a family holiday together and ted's headed to wellington with savan to meet his younger brother all their weight's lifted off my shoulders and i feel treasured happy i feel happy [Music] hi my name's alan davey i've been looking for my mum since i was four years old i've looked down all sorts of avenues and alleyways and come up blank i'm hoping you can help me i've simply run out of leads fifty-year-old alan davey was born on england's south coast near brighton and moved to new zealand more than 20 years ago it was very different from the uk but i liked it i've never been back since now a new zealand citizen ellen works as a maintenance supervisor he and his wife marissa live on a south auckland lifestyle block a long way from his south of england childhood this is a photograph of my father's football team allen's parents marriage ended when he was three he was placed into the care of relatives but still saw his parents occasionally this is my father here and there's me i would have been about sex so when was the last time you saw your mother in 1968 and the circumstances were pretty unpleasant [Applause] alan was in a park in brighton with his father when his dad suddenly spotted his mother with another man all of a sudden my father flew across the park and i remember vividly him grabbing the chap pressing against an iron lamppost it was pretty horrendous sort of a scenario so then after that after that um i don't remember seeing my mother again after a few years staying with relatives alan returned to his father's care his mother was not in his life so for many years i did shut off feelings for my mother but later in his early 20s allen's curiosity drove him to find his mother's telephone number and to call her but it didn't go well i didn't think her explanation was good enough and i threw the telephone number away [Music] alan then moved to new zealand leaving all thoughts of his mother behind but then a health scare prompted a change of attitude just over a year ago i had a heart attack and almost died we were out at the shops i collapsed and managed to survive thanks to my wife what were you feeling knowing you might die just thinking inside myself no not now just not now a little bit longer you know how do you think that's affected your life the latest this and the latest that most of that really doesn't mean much to me at all anymore what means far more to me is laughing with my wife or snuggling into bed at night and the things that really matter like finding your mother and finding my mother would be part of that yes allen's father passed away four years ago giving him even more reason to find his mother mercer allen's second wife is right behind him in his quest he's a very good man i only wish i'd met him earlier i mean he's given me so much and i want what's best for him and he wants to find his mum whether she's with us or passed on or whatever it must have been hard for her because i mean you've got to see both sides of the story so yeah i'd like to find out what sort of person she is because i believe she's probably a good person i don't know what that's going to bring good bad who knows ellen suspects his mother has remarried so i don't know what last name she'll be using i start my search using brenda's maiden name and i trace her through three marriages arriving at a brenda williams then on 192.com i find she is living in south wales but there's no phone number but there is a way to get a message to her that will attract her attention a few days later i have a phone number brenda wants to talk [Music] oh hello is that brenda yes oh brenda it's david lamez here and i'm ringing from new zealand yes well i hope the flowers i sent to you got to you okay they were lovely i was so surprised when the man came to the door well what i'm ringing you about is your boy alan's looking for you yes yeah he's done a video message but he'd like me to show to you wow oh you and ellen have a a bit of a falling out well yes i'm a bit gobsmacked really because he did get in touch with me before in the 90s i wrote some photos and i waited you know and was looking at the post box every day and nothing happened well would you be happy to meet me and i could show you ellen's message [Music] i'm heading to the uk my journey is taking me to pillinefle just west of cardiff on the south coast of wales it's where brenda now lives [Music] flynnify is now a steel town but it's mostly famous for its rugby and its beer i'm curious to meet this woman who i've tracked through multiple marriages and name changes [Applause] are you by chance brenda english-born alan davey hasn't seen his mother since he was four i've just found her in wales are you by chance brenda yes hello i'm david nice to meet you grab this table i've just been reserving this before us right oh i'm nervous so you're nervous i'm very nervous but excited as well that's good yes the story with you and alan is a bit complicated what happened well he spent most of his life with his father because his father was better at looking after kids than me i just couldn't cope ellen recalls a pretty horrific end to your marriage um no we were still friends we have spoken on the phone his father and i well the last thing alan remembers of you is your ex-husband beating up the man you were going out with no i don't know anything of that no that fight or the fight he recalls is the reason he's got some resentment towards you no no there's never ever ever been any fighting whatsoever not on my part for more than 20 years alan says he he never heard from you did you ever think about him when he was about six i used to go to worthing where he lived with his father and i take him out for the day usually on a sunday or a saturday sometimes in the end it did just tail off do you got any idea what he still looks like i did too when was the last time you actually saw him when he was six when he was six oh sorry well just push that button there you'll see your boy hello i hope you can accept me into your heart again after all these years i'd love to have you as part of my life i hope we can rebuild bridges oh we and hopefully build the future together again after all this time we can i'd love to know more about you more about the past so many questions and so little time i love you [Applause] [Music] so that's your boy oh he's lovely i can't believe that little tiny boy as a man so you'd be happy yeah for us to bring him here yeah to philanthropy so you can meet him i'm so lucky [Music] brenda who's 70 is a former factory worker and now lives alone in a council flat she moved to wales after marrying her last husband he passed away five years ago knowing she will soon meet her son again after 46 years has brought up mixed feelings i used to cry in that most night and i thought he didn't see me anymore i resigned myself that i would never see [Music] him ellen has been patiently waiting for news back in south auckland he doesn't know i found his mum or that i've been to wales [Music] when you called her all those years ago you were quite abrupt almost rude to her well i wasn't rude but i was a bit of i was a bitter young man because i didn't know the full circumstances i still don't know the full circumstances but i'm sure they're probably not as black and white as i originally thought well i've been to a place called flynefly in wales in wales and i met a woman there called brenda and i told her you were looking for her and you found her you have who knew and she was very surprised although i can't understand from the telephone conversation i had with her all those years ago she was surprised and very [Applause] thank you really in wales i've been looking in sussex would you be happy to go to wales to meet your mum jesus i'll go to wales thank you so much [Music] for ellen davey this is the first time he's been back to the uk since leaving for new zealand in 1992 having now heard both sides of the story about the last time they saw each other i'm keen to find out how clear alan's memory of that event actually is it's like a photograph in my mind i remember being at the park with my father well your mother has no memory of that at all fifty-year-old alan davey thought his mother would be somewhere on england's south coast but i've found her in wales 70 year old brenda and her son have differing views on what happened when they last saw each other 46 years ago it's like a photograph in my mind i remember being at the park with my father well your mother has no memory of that at all [Music] there's two ties to every story i suppose do you remember her coming and taking you out when you're about six maybe seven years old i have no memory of that it may well have happened but i have no memory of that so how's it been for the last few weeks oh horrendous for brenda the long wait has been agonizing for although she's had multiple marriages ellen is her only child i can't sleep i'm very excited but i'm also very apprehensive but on the other hand i can't wait to see helen well i've been back to new zealand and i've told him that we'd found you yeah and he was just so blown away oh well the good news is he's um here in philanthropy now yeah and i'll go and get him in a few minutes he'll just have to wait over here and i'll be back i can come with you if you like no no you have to wait where is the act he's here somewhere isn't he come on get on with it all right well i'll go and get them yeah don't be long [Music] well your mum is just waiting around the corner here for you i'm gonna leave you here good luck [Music] that's my boy [Music] oh [Music] that hug just felt right really it was lovely the hug i had the hug of my life for my baby a nice thrill to bits i can't believe your mind who cares about what happened it's about now [Music] it was smashing they've got decades of catching up to do but first brenda's got a little bone to pick with me it was a long time and i told you to be quick but you it was ages the next day and everyone's in good spirits brenda wants to introduce her son to her friends and to her boyfriend who happens to be called ellen i'm not hey he's my boy he's the best in me it's got to be get out of the chair we talked about differences of what we believe to be the truth but it's all ended up as insignificant i looked to the clock nearly every hour last night brenda's already making plans to visit allen and marissa in new zealand i'm going to save my pennies if i have to walk there i'll go i'll go around the street collecting perhaps i might i got the cheek hi i'm marianne and i've been looking for my father i've always been raised in a pakeha world so i'd like to know a bit about where i come from and who i am i'd really like to meet the dad i have never met [Applause] nursing student marianne thomas lives in auckland with her partner adam mccool nineteen-year-old marianne has not seen her father michael ryker who her mother pauline had a brief affair with 20 years ago since she was three she knows little about her dad or her family history it's left her confused i've had people ask me if i've been adopted because i mean like my mom's white and i'm obviously brown and i mean i don't know anything about where i come from i don't know like my heritage i feel like i'm used to parking out with brown skin [Applause] marianne has just one photo of the father taken on her third birthday at that time michael had visiting rights but afterwards he disappeared from maryanne's life apparently after pauline blocked his visits for reasons marianne never knew [Music] my mother has always told me as well that my father never wanted a relationship with me and that i guess he just didn't really care so a man who [Music] i don't know so a man who didn't care about you but you want to find him is that right it was just so hard seeing like other children with their like relationships with their fathers and knowing that i never had that [Music] the breakup between marianne's parents was messy and though her mum understands marianne's wish to find her dad she does not want to discuss the matter or assist it's left marianne with some burning questions for her dad i just want to ask him like why he left it's kind of like why he hasn't been there for the majority of my life [Music] i can find no trace of michael riker but on his birth certificate i find his mother's maiden name is unusual on tyronette i find she owns properties under that name nolin tajao and at the same address in the white pages i find her under her married name mcdonald [Music] [Music] hello oh hello is that nolene yes uh hi nolan my name is david lomas and i'm just trying to track down your son michael because his daughter your granddaughter marianne is looking for him but i can't track down a phone number for michael michael uh well i will have to get in touch with him what do you think would be best are you talking to him about it or me giving him a ring i will approach michael because sometimes michael just can be quite complicated three days later i get a call from noleen she's going to try to bring michael to meet me so i'm hoping he'll turn up auckland student marianne thomas is searching for her birth father michael riker while i couldn't find him i did find his mother and i'm waiting to meet her and hopefully him you must be nolan and michael hello i'm david hey nice to meet you come and grab a seat over here and um we'll have a chat [Music] michael your daughter ann's looking for you how does that feel [Music] surprise yeah um out of the ordinary how did it end up that you two got separated oh we just needed all it was sad to leave and how has it been for you do you wonder what happened to your little girl one day goes by me thinking of it it has been rough being rough for him he's been sad and depressed but i try to say it i'm not you get on with it she'll come to you when she's ready do you remember what she looks like yes yes i only got one photo you've still got it yes i got one on my phone i kept it all these years did i just have a look at it oh yeah that's marianne when she's young yeah do you look at it often i look at it on your birthday yeah those days are quite sad well would you like to see what that little girl has become yes yes i'd love to [Music] click that button there it'll be your girl talking to you hi i'm marianne and you must be my father i have been looking for you for a few years now but throughout my life i've wondered where you are what you've been doing and if you have thought about me as well i have been raised in the about where i've pakistan from and who i am and also develop a relationship with you if you would let me so if you can please agree to meet me i would really really enjoy that i love two men love to [Music] just want to give you a big hug [Music] that too and no oh yes definitely definitely it's a long time coming noline tells me that marianne not only has maori blood but also chinese noline's chinese father arrived in new zealand in the late 1940s to work as an electrical engineer marianne is on her way to meet with me she has no idea her life is about to change and when was the last time you actually saw your dad um i saw him on my third birthday party yeah he was only there for a few hours i think but the only memory i actually have is there a photo and do you know what he looks like he's a very dark man quite short probably around five foot three it's just a married ascent really that's all well i caught up with a very short man i suppose the other day really yeah [Music] really [Music] what did he say he's always had a photo of you in his cell phone does he want to meet me he's dying to meet you thank you two days later daughter and father are about to meet for michael particularly the weight has been hard i'm here to try and be a better dad for her i've got butterflies in the old tummy never says it's beaches when you meet your dad what are you gonna say to him i honestly don't know i don't know well would you like to meet him yeah you look over your left shoulder you can see down the end of the warfare does it kept standing there [Music] go down and say hello [Music] [Applause] [Music] is not alone now i'm here okay i'm here to help you okay [Music] mum kind of isolated me from the rest of the family as well from her side i know i know with the finding of her father marianne hopes that she will have closer family ties uh this is my partner adam did i heard him you too i'm looking after my girl last piece in the family to close that gap but the gap was open at the time when she wasn't there but now it's closed and yeah it can all be once be a big family now i mean he hasn't been there for 19 years but i mean there's still two sides to every story and within that i hope i find the truth marianne has since met her grandmother also her father's sister and a nephew marianne's been calling and texting her dad and is gradually working out what place he has in her life [Music] next week on lost and found family is just everything in my life the family hasn't always come easily i want my son back simple as that i've always imagined meeting my dad what lengths will they go to find him i guess we could use all the help we can get yeah i guess so and were they looking in

Channel: Real Families

Views: 135,725

Rating: 4.8302531 out of 5

Keywords: Real Families, Full documentary, Parenting Documentary, Tips for parents, Full episodes, children given up, birth parents, separated at birth, adoptive kids, long lost siblings, family reunited, long lost family uk, reunited families, long lost family: what happened next, meeting birth parents for the first time, birth parents searching for adoptees, birth parents rejection, family reunion, reunited families stories, birth parents vs adoption, new zealand, lost and found

Id: wjRH9P8S6Co

Length: 43min 43sec (2623 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 19 2021