My 60-Year-Old Dad Hooked Up with a 24-Year-Old and Now Expects Me to Pay Up!

hey everyone so I'm 48 and I'm in a really strange situation right now so any advice and help is welcome 18 years ago my dad who was 60 at the time slept with his neighbor who happened to be a 24-year-old woman my parents marriage was toxic at best but my mom had never cheated on him even though she complained about him all the damn time and he would crib about her as well they were just not a good match and I constantly wish they would separate because of the NeverEnding fights and arguments and then finally my dad gave in and cheated and with his neighbor no less back when he slept with his neighbor I must have been 30 and I was living by myself in an apartment I'm an IT professional and could afford to live a nice life so my dad approached me when his neighbor got pregnant to take care of it I was disgusted to learn that he'd slept with someone so much younger than him even younger than me and that he cheated on Mom I refused to be caught up in any of this but he insisted and tried to convince me to take care of the baby by saying that I needed to consider it as repayment for everything that he'd done for me so far I still said no I made him leave me Alone by threatening to report him to the police for harassment if he visited me again for any reason at all after that day I decided to go no contact with him because this was just the last straw I only kept in touch for my mom's sake because my dad was a downright awful person but after she found out that her neighbor was having her husband's baby she finally decided to pack her stuff up and leave I don't even know why their neighbor was choosing to have a 60-year-old man's child when she herself was so young and had a whole life ahead of her but I didn't bother to find out I severed any and all ties with my father and never heard from him again my mother divorced him after that and moved out of that house as well so neither of us knew what he was up to now two weeks back a guy around 18 years of age showed up at my doorstep and before saying anything else he confirmed my name and age once he was sure my identity he told me that he'd finally found me and that I couldn't run away from my responsibilities anymore the strangest part of that was that he'd called me Dad I'm a married man now and have been with my wife for 15 years now and even have a 13-year-old son so I couldn't risk them hearing any of this so I came outside shut the door to my house and took him aside to speak to the guy he told me that his mother had told him about me but she didn't know where to find me earlier since I've moved away and blocked her everywhere but now that he knew who I was he was here to collect what I owed him and make sure I pay for his college tuition now I was absolute lost for a minute but then he told me his mother's name yeah it was my dad's old neighbor and this was my dad's son so technically my half brother for some reason his mother had told him that I was his real father and now he was here to get money out of me and he was threatening to take me to court otherwise once I connected the dots I was relieved that this wasn't actually my son and I explained the situation to him but he refused to believe me and said that he was not going to let me off the hook so easily and he wanted a paternity test to be conducted at a hospital of his choice and I agreed to it readily since I had nothing to hide the very next day the paternity test was done and needless to say I was not his father the poor guy was devastated when he realized I'd been telling him the truth and when he asked me where his real dad was I told him that he'd have to ask his mother about that since I've cut my own father off almost two decades ago and then he told me that his dad had never played any role at all in his life and had gone Mia even before he was born according to what his mother told him she was a waitress and had worked really hard to raise and educate him on her own but unfortunately she didn't have enough savings to send him to college and he wasn't willing to opt for a student loan so he'd set out to find his father but now he knew that his mother had lied to him about his real dad and had probably been too embarrassed to tell him the truth I ended up feeling really bad for the kid since he was just a couple of years older than my own son and here he was struggling to think of a way to pay for college just because my horrible dad had decided to just abandon his own child so I told him not to worry and promise him that I put him in touch with my dad within a few weeks I didn't know if I could do it but I'd already promised him so I got to work and even told my mom to help find him she hadn't spoken to him in ages and we weren't even sure if he was still alive or not but my mom asked around the neighborhood they used to live in and found out that my dad had sold the house and moved to Missouri so that he could live on the farm with his family I did some digging and found out where he lived and since they had a business phone number on their website as well so a few days back I decided to call that number and ask for for my dad luckily I did manage to get through to him and told him that he needed to get in touch with his son right away or else I'd make sure that he'd be taken to court and is forced to pay up my dad told me to stay out of his business and then disconnected the call but I forwarded that number to my half brother and left him to deal with the situation I also came clean to my wife about this and told her all about my half brother because I really wanted him to be a part of my life now the poor guy has been through a lot and I would be more than happy to be able to do something for him it's not his fault his father's an awful person and he doesn't deserve to be treated like this my wife already knew about the kind of guy my dad was and his affair with the neighbor since I told her about it but now that she knew my half brother had reached out to me she was thrilled for me and reassured me that he'd get all the help that he needed we've kept in touch since and he's told me that when he confronted his mother about her lie she got very upset with him for even trying to go searching for his dad when she specifically told him not to they'd been fighting for a few days over this but three days ago one side given my half brother all dad's contact info he decided to call him and talk to him but my dad being the coward that he is refused to speak to him and I guess he must have complained to his mother because that very day they got into a really bad fight and my half brother ended up getting kicked out over his insolence all because he'd wanted to find out where his father was and make him pay for his college tuition which is literally the least my dad can do after years of avoiding his own son and his responsibilities I decided to take my half brother in for the time being he's been really depressed about everything and barely even eats or speaks to anyone and has been saying that he doesn't want to go to college anymore since he feels like he's going to end up becoming a burden on everyone if he decides to go that's concerning because from what he's told me he's a bright kid with a good future ahead of him and it doesn't make sense for him to quit just because his parents are crappy people I've tried to talk him into a student loan but he's not willing to get into that at all and I've even offered to handle his tuition expenses but he's told me that he can't let me do him any more favors because I'm already going out of my way for a kid I barely even know which is true I guess it's just been two weeks but I feel horrible for him I know he's my half brother but he reminds me of my own son and I would hate for any kid his age to be going through something so extreme his whole world has turned upside down in these past two weeks so I can understand where he's coming from he's lost and overwhelmed I was feeling bad for him and he clearly missed his mother as well so I decided to pay her a vis visit this morning before I headed to work I knew that she still lived in the same house since she'd inherited that from her late Uncle so she didn't need to pay rent and the fact that it was in a nice neighborhood was just the cherry on top she was really hostile towards me and didn't invite me inside but I was okay with that because I wasn't a fan of hers either I told her that her son was living with me and that he was really upset so she needed to speak to him urgently but instead of being concerned for him she started yelling at me and told me to stay out of of her family's business she accused me of meddling in something that didn't concern me in the slightest and even said that she'd been in the process of arranging the money herself and she just lied to him to protect him from the knowledge that she knew wouldn't sit right with him she said that her own father was about the same age as my dad and now that her son knew that his grandfather and father were the same age he couldn't even look at her the same way and it had totally ruined their relationship I'd apparently made a mess of things by telling her son the truth about who his real dad was and she accused me of trying to drive a wedge between her and her son on purpose to get back at her for causing my parents' divorce which really wasn't even the case it hadn't even occurred to me that it might come off as that but even when I denied it she was adamant and kept blaming me for the situation she believes that I had no right to tell him the truth even if he had approached me first and I should have come straight to her instead of trying to deal with the situation myself then she slammed the door in my face and left me contemplating everything that I'd done so far because I didn't know if what she was saying was right or not I'm still at work but I just can't get what she said out of my head am I the a-hole for telling my half brother the truth about who his real dad is update one hello everyone thank you so much for being so kind and helpful it really did help me clear my head because past few weeks have been tense to say the least it's been another week since the last update and my half brother has been living with us for almost 10 days now a lot has happened since then and I haven't yet been able to fully process the situation but I'll try to explain so after I met my half brother's mother I came back home and decided to apologize to him for turning his life upside down but he reassured me that it wasn't my fault at all and confessed that he'd been on bad terms with his mother for a while now ever since he found out the truth and could barely even bring himself to look at her the same way now that he knew what he knew he didn't know if what I did was okay or not but he did think that somebody needed to tell him the truth and he was thankful that I did also the fact that his mother had lied to him about me being his dad was her fault entirely and that's how I got caught up in this mess so she really should be blaming herself and not me if someone threatens to take me to court then I'm obviously going to tell them the truth and defend myself and besides I don't owe it to her to cover up for her either so her accusations were really baseless now that I think of it my half-brother and I had a heart-to-heart chat that day and I made sure that he knew that I was there for him and even told him that he reminded me of my son and also of myself a little bit he was overwhelmed and totally broke down when I said that and I think that conversation broken invisible barrier between us and he's been a lot more open around us now he already gets along really well with my son and my wife loves the kid as well I can't explain it but it really feels like our home is complete now even my mother agrees that it doesn't feel unnatural at all and has even offered to pitch in to pay for his tuition he's supposed to start college in a few months so the sooner we're able to finalize things the better better it'll be for him he's still skeptical to let us pay but if our father doesn't step up then I'll pay for his tuition myself that doesn't mean I'll let my dad off the hook though he's still been avoiding my calls and messages so I think he's blocked me I haven't spoken to my half Brothers Mom after that last post and I don't intend to speak to her either if she was heartless enough to kick her son out of the house just because he was going through something so difficult and wasn't taking the truth well then I don't suppose she'll be willing to be involved in his life anymore either my half brother also told that his mother has blocked him and hasn't even tried to speak to him so I think that door is shot right now my wife and I are looking into lawyers to deal with this situation because it's really complicated and we don't want to take any steps that might hurt our chances of getting my dad to cough up the money that he owes his youngest son we honestly don't even know if we can get him to pay because my half brother is technically an adult now and my dad isn't legally bound to do anything for him anymore but we're still considering legal options although I might need to find out why he was comfortable enough to contact his ex since he did complain about my half brother's call to his mother I'm guessing they're still in touch but I can't figure out why they'd keep in touch if he didn't even want anything to do with his son I might have to speak to my half brother's mother soon enough again but I'm really trying hard to speak to my dad instead because I really don't want to go back to the house and be humiliated yet again she was loud and crass and I absolutely don't like her or the kind of person that she is there's just a lot on my plate right now and I don't know where to start update to all right so I went back to my parents old neighborhood to talk to my half brother's mother and thankfully this time she was more reasonable and didn't accuse me of baseless crap I guess she regrets the way she's pushed her own son away and wanted to see him again but knew that she'd have to get through me first now that she was pleasant to me this time I asked her if she'd been in touch with my dad and she confessed that she had been in touch with him all along after my parents divorce he'd moved to Missouri and she said that she'd raise her son herself and he'd offered to send her a certain amount of money every month to help her out as long as she made sure that he never found out who his real dad was it wasn't because he was afraid that his youngest son would come around demanding money but he was more worried about the emotional aspect of it he just didn't want the burden of having to deal with another kid at his age and so he'd send her money every month as long as he personally didn't have to deal with raising another child and taking up his responsibility she was okay with this Arrangement but they'd hit a roadblock when it came to college because she demanded that my dad cover his entire tuition fee but my dad wasn't willing to do that and they were arguing about who would pay for it my dad obviously stated that he'd been true to his word and had sent the required amount every month religiously but he couldn't send the entire amount of money needed to cover his son's college expenses upfront at once and could only increase the amount he sent every month but she wasn't ready to agree to that that's what they'd been fighting about because they couldn't come to an agreement and so she'd been really worried about her son's future my half brother knew that she'd been struggling with money and was Sugg suggesting that he'd take a gap year before college so that she could take her time to arrange the money but she obviously didn't want that for her son and suggested a student loan for the time being but he wasn't ready for that so none of them could agree on anything and it was leading to a lot of tension in their household in the meantime my half brother had been asking her relentlessly about his real father and she'd assumed that it was out of curiosity and didn't think much about the consequences so she told him about me instead of the truth to keep my dad out of the situation but that backfired pretty badly and he ended up learning the truth anyway which is when everything went downhill my half Brothers called our dad was the final nail in the coffin my dad had already been on bad terms with her because of their recent disagreements and now that she'd broken The One and Only Rule that my half brother was never supposed to find out who his real dad was he cut her off completely and hadn't been responding to any of her messages either so my Dad decided to sever any and all ties with his past life and it was relatively easy for since he doesn't live here anymore but I wasn't going to let him get away with that so after I left I decided to book flight tickets to Missouri for myself my mother and my half brother's mom and were scheduled to leave in 3 days I don't know how my dad's going to react to any of this or heck what I'm going to say to him but I know for a fact that he's definitely going to have to cough up the amount that he needs to because he's ruined this poor kid's life by being a heartless cheating jerk and now he needs to make up for it besides he's almost 80 anyway I highly doubt he's going to go on adventure with the money he saved up update three hey there folks it's been 3 weeks since the last update but fortunately I've come bearing good news my dad ended up agreeing to bear the cost of my half brother's tuition and has already sent half the amount to my bank account I think he was pretty much done for the second his ex my mother and I showed up at his home the day we landed in Missouri he tried to threaten to call the cops on us but I told him that if he did any of that then we tell his family here about the real reason he had to move back if he didn't want a scandal to ruin his relationship with his family then he needed to step up as a father and do his duty he'd already messed up when it came to me by cheating and putting me through a traumatic childhood filled with nothing but memories of him screaming at my mother and instigating her constantly but he wasn't about to mess up another kid's future now as well the cycle stopped here for sure it took a bit of persuasion and a lot of arguing but he finally gave in on one condition that my half brother would never speak to him and never even acknowledge Him as his father he wanted that in writing and so there were a lot of legalities involved we also had to fly my half brother down to Missouri to complete the process and seal the deal he also got to meet his biological dad and was horrified by how old he was so I'm guessing he won't miss him too much either he didn't hesitate to agree to the deal which was fair because he said that he'd already lived 18 years of his life pretending he didn't have a father so he could go on that way and wouldn't care enough to reach out to our dad again as long as his college tuition was taken care of so that was that and we all flew back home after after which there was another huge argument that took place when my half brother told his mother that he wanted to stay with me for a couple more days before moving back home his mother didn't like that and began yelling at him in the airport itself but there was no point in doing that because she'd messed up as a mother herself by lying to her son and even kicking him out after that after some arguing she finally gave up even though she was really unhappy about it but her son was an adult now and she couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to my wife and I were happy to have him as well so he's been staying with us since then and he's going to start college in the fall soon enough he does miss his mother but they're trying to rebuild their relationship one day at a time and even though I'm not a fan of that woman I'm not going to stand against it either so my family situation right now is strange to say the least but well it is what it is and I'm okay with it now stay tuned for more stories from our girl relationships update four hey everyone I'm back with another detailed update I appreciate all your support and advice it's been incredibly helpful as we navigate this unique family situation here's what's been happening over the past few months since my last post there's been a significant shift in our household my half brother has decided to extend his stay with us indefinitely his presence has transformed our family dynamic in unexpected and enriching ways he's developed a strong bond with my son often engaging him in activities that range from video games to sports and it's uplifting to see their camaraderie my wife too has formed a nurturing in connection with him offering guidance and support as he navigates his new life chapters the integration feels almost seamless as if he's always been a part of our family on the academic front my half brother is gearing up to start college this fall he's chosen to major in computer science a field he's passionate about we've spent numerous evenings discussing his future projects and aspirations it's clear that he has a bright academic and professional future ahead and I am committed to supporting him every step of the way the relationship between my half brother and his mother remains complex and fraught with tension they've attempted reconciliation meeting a few times to address the past and discuss a path forward these sessions have been emotionally charged with Old Wounds surfacing but there's a mutual effort to heal it's a slow and delicate process but I'm hopeful that they can eventually find some common ground despite the challenges my half brother is showing remarkable resilience he's handling the situation with a maturity that surprises me given everything he's been through his strength in facing these emotional hurdles head-on is inspiring on the legal front we've had some closure regarding the financial support from his biological father after a tumultuous period of negotiations and legal formalities an agreement was reached and his college tuition is now fully secured this resolution Has Lifted a significant burden off my half brother's shoulders allowing him to focus on his Education Without The looming stress of financial instability having my half brother with us has prompted deep Reflections on the nature of family and responsibility it's a strange twist of fate that brought him into our lives but it has enriched Us in ways I couldn't have anticipated we've had discussions about the meaning of family not just as a biological Bond but as a chosen connection based on love support and understanding these conversations often stretch late into the night filled with stories laughter and sometimes tears as the summer winds down we're busy preparing for his college Journey we're planning a small but heartfelt sendoff party to celebrate this new phase of his life it's important to us that he knows how proud We Are of him and that he has a family that supports him unconditionally looking forward I remain optimistic challenges May lie ahead but I believe that we are better equipped to handle them as a family the support and advice from this community have been a Cornerstone of my strength and I cannot thank you enough I will continue to update you all as we move forward hoping to share more positive news in the future thanks again for sticking with me through this journey here's to more growth understanding and family however unconven it may be update five hello to all my supportive friends here I'm back with another significant update on our family Saga which continues to evolve in ways I could not have predicted your encouragement has been a Cornerstone throughout this journey and I'm grateful for this platform to share and receive Guidance the big news is that my half brother has officially started college the sendoff was an emotional affair filled with mixed feelings excitement for the future mingled with a bit of anxiety about the new challenges ahead he's now a few weeks into his computer science PR program and is thriving academically his professors have noted his passion and dedication which fills me with immense Pride watching him embrac this opportunity so wholeheartedly has been a joy for our entire family adjustment to college life has been smoother than we anticipated he's made a few friends and is actively participating in study groups and campus Tech clubs however the transition hasn't been without its struggles the workload is intense and there are moments of stress and homesickness we keep in regular contact through calls and texts and I remind him that it's normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes we're planning a visit next month to see him and provide some in-person support on the family front there have been tentative steps towards reconciliation between my half brother and his mother after their initial tumultuous interactions they've started therapy sessions together it's a slow process and while not all meetings have been smooth there's a shared commitment to menend their relationship the therapy is helping them unpack years of misinformation and hurt a for a healthier Dynamic I stay involved to the extent that they both feel comfortable offering support but also giving them space to work through their issues independently why wife and son have been incredible throughout all of this they provide a stable and loving environment that's been crucial for my half brother's transition into this new phase of his life my son in particular misses his Newfound brother but understands the importance of this educational Journey we all look forward to his visits home planning small Gatherings and activities to make the most of our time together looking ahead there are challenges and Milestones on the horizon but I feel hopeful we're learning as we go adjusting our expectations and support as needed my half brother's resilience and growth Inspire us all and I am committed to being there for him every step of the way as I reflect on the past few months I'm struck by the complexity of life's twists and turns the challenges have been significant but they've brought unexpected blessings and deepened our family bonds your advice and support have help me navigate these Waters with a bit more ease and for that I am endlessly thankful I'll continue to update you as our story unfolds thank you for being a part of our journey for your wise words and for the shared experiences that remind us we're not alone in our struggles stay tuned for more updates and here's to hoping the next ones are filled with more breakthroughs and joyous moments

Channel: Ngex

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Id: x0biw8kR1UY

Length: 23min 20sec (1400 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 07 2024