The year, 1961. The man, Robert A. Heinlein. Author. Dreamweaver. Die hard libertarian. Hot on the heels of the success of Starship Troopers, the granddaddy of military SF, and a personal middle finger
to the bleeding hearts of the era who thought that maybe the president should dial back the nukes a little bit, Heinlein wrote a novel titled Stranger In A Strange Land, a book that is... allegedly about a human raised on Mars returning to Earth as an outside observer, with insights into the strange pretenses of human society and a purer perspective on life. And then in the third act he founds a sex cult. So... kind of a mixed bag, really. Our story begins with the first manned mission to Mars: a three-year journey carefully arranged so that none of the eight crew members were likely to go crazy and murder each other. The plan worked a little too well, as when the second mission to Mars lands twenty-five years later, they find that the entire crew got into a big poly relationship, had a kid and then died. This kid is now a young man named Valentine Michael Smith, who's been raised by Martians his whole life. Oh yeah, by the way, Martians are real, and there's air on Mars. That's sci-fi, baby! So Mr. Valentine is brought back to Earth,
where the increased gravity and air pressure immediately make him sick, and he's hospitalized so he can acclimate safely. Now, Michael is a bit of an oddball. See, being raised by Martians means he's got almost zero understanding of human behavior. But it's also given him strange powers, like he can astrally project when under stress. He also has NO concept of gender,
because Mars has no women. Enter Dr. Gillian Boardman, an extremely female woman, with such hobbies as: men, and wearing dresses on dates with men. Dr. Jill hears about this mysterious patient
whose room is "No Girls Allowed" and immediately breaks in to see him.
Because women, am I right? So Michael's grasp on people is pretty rudimentary at this point. But when Jill offers him a glass of water, he's SHOCKED. See, on Mars, water is a pretty rare resource, and sharing water is like a life-long bond thing called being "water-brothers." So he accepts and they share a glass of water which means they're now bonded for life. Oops. Michael asks Jill if she's one of those women he's heard so much about, and she immediately offers to get naked. As women do! But instead, she leaves to go on a date with her boyfriend, an intrepid reporter named Ben who's covering Michael's story. So, when the governments of the world realize that Michael is both incredibly rich and possibly the legal owner of Mars, and start trying to manipulate, imprison, or kill him, even going so far as to get a look-alike to pass as him for the news reports, Jill hears all about it from Ben, until he's abruptly black-bagged by government bad guys and falls off the face of the Earth. But first he tells Jill they should try and get Michael to a friend of his: Jubal Harshaw, an acclaimed author, doctor, lawyer, philosopher, *under Red's breath* Author self-insert... and all around rad dude who owns a compound and won't let the government push HIM around, no sirree! Anyway, Jill can't figure out what happened to Ben, and while she's investigating, she stumbles on Michael, who's been relocated to a secret room in the hospital in preparation for being sneakily murdered. Whoops. Jill realizes Ben probably got in too deep, and she's on her own, So she unlocks a side door so she can get in later and goes off to prepare her super-serious rescue mission, which involves: dressing up Michael in a nurse uniform and walking him out the back door. Round of applause! So Jill and Michael take a cab to Ben's place, because I know the first place I would hide a political fugitive is the empty apartment of a black-bagged government prisoner. So Michael takes a bath, which is incomprehensibly luxurious by Martian standards, and he and Jill have some wacky romantic hijinks, until two government thugs break down the door and slap Jill, which Michael doesn't like. And it turns out, what Michael doesn't like disappears. Both thugs vanish, Jill freaks out, which makes Michael freak out, Michael goes catatonic and I think it's time for a scene change. Let's zoom out a little bit and get a look at how this future Earth works. The world is divided into a handful of mega-nations and some really big religions whose gospels are treated as straight, scientific fact. We get a look into the daily life of Secretary General Douglas, who, as it turns out, is not the brains behind the Mike-manipulating government operation. That honor goes to his wife, Agnes, a domineering and angry woman who's quite upset they lost Michael but suggests they simply designate the look-alike as the real one, and declare the real Michael to be a fake if and when he ever reveals himself. Douglas protests that the scientists will be able to tell the difference but Agnes scoffs that the only true science... is ASTROLOGY! It's time for "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein," philosophical observations on society and human nature jarringly inserted into an otherwise immersive narrative. It's like Heinlein is personally lecturing you, from just beyond the page. Red as Heinlein: "Agnes is like that because Freud was right about everything." That concludes our "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." So Agnes calls up her horoscope lady, Vessie, and orders a horoscope on the man from Mars. Vessie does her best, but finds the process is confounded by the fact that Micahel was born on Mars, and the entire astrology setup is kinda Earth-centric, so she just makes something up, which I'm sure real astrologers would never do (/s). Meanwhile, let's turn our gaze to Jubal Harshaw, Author, Visionary, Warrior-poet, Renaissance gentleman, who is currently engaged in watching his three sexy young secretaries splash around in a pool. As he dictates a short story about a kitten to one of them, his doorman rings to tell him there's a very distraught young woman at the door and after asking if she's sufficiently hot, Jubal has her buzzed in. The woman, of course, is Jill, who has Michael with her in a suitcase. She couldn't wake him up so she freaked out, put him in a bag, and drove him to the first place she could think of. Fortunately when she asks him nicely to wake up, he does. and they fill Jubal in on what exactly is going on. Jubal agrees to help them out and invites them into his home, and on the way he sagely informs Jill that she's clearly in love with Michael because what other possible motivation could she have? Oops, did someone forget to give their main character a motivation? Anyway, the story shifts into downtime as Michael and Jill hang out at Jubal's compound and have a grand old time. It's time for more "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." "All human achievement has been motivated by the promise of HOT STEAMY SEX!" That concludes our "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein" So we learn a little more about Michael's upbringing. Among other things, apparently there used to be a fifth planet between Mars and Jupiter that the Martians decided shouldn't exist anymore, and that's why there's an asteroid belt instead. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool. Anyway, they do a little testing and realize that not only can Michael effortlessly make things vanish by displacing them in the fourth dimension, he can also levitate stuff. He has a hard time communicating how this works in English, so he starts teaching Jill Martian. At some point in all this, we learn that Martians eat their dead, and it's a form of ritual closeness. Leaving a body to rot is seen as this horrible affront. Jubal's handiman, Duke, is horrified, and Jubal tells him- –For an ENTIRE CHAPTER– –that thinking cannibalism is gross is
just another form of social brainwashing and also Duke probably has cannibal
ancestors because he's 1/8 Native American! Ho-Okay, wow! It's time for more "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." "Cannibalism is actually fine." That concludes our "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein" So Jubal is doing some big, complicated plan to help out Michael that involves circumventing hierarchical bureaucracy to demand to speak to a manager, and while he does that, he and Michael have a chat about religion. Michael caught a TV broadcast about the Fosterite religion, which is this kind of hyper-commercialized mega-church. Michael doesn't understand religion at all, in part because Martians know exactly what happens when they die It's a actually a stage in their life cycle. When their body dies, they become an Old One, which are like the supreme authority on Mars. Dying is essentially a promotion. So while most human religions seek to answer the question "What happens when we die?" Michael doesn't understand the question because he already knows [what the answer is]. He also doesn't understand the
search for a Creator Of The Universe because he doesn't question why things exist. And most importantly, Michael
doesn't understand what lying is. To him, falsehoods only happen by mistake, so since the Fosterites on TV said they were the one true way into Heaven, to Michael that means they have to know how human Old Ones work, and Michael is very curious about human Old Ones because he hasn't seen any yet. Meanwhile, Michael starts throwing around a Martian word: Grok, which is kind of impossible to fully define in English but means something like "(To) really REALLY understand something, like on the deepest possible level where you make it a part of yourself" It was actually popular enough that it kinda entered the real world so if you wanna impress your '60s friends, feel free to start throwing it around. Anyway, Michael is having trouble grokking religion and God and stuff but then he suddenly gets it. His definition of God can't be properly communicated in English, but it seems to be kinda omnipresent, because the way he tries to explain it is "Thou art God," but also "I am God." In his worldview, it seems like everything is God. They also talk a bit about how Mike doesn't laugh and doesn't understand humor and how it's a part of humanity he still doesn't quite get. Anyway, the conversation gets interrupted because oh, right, Michael is a fugitive. Two helicopters fly in and Jubal initiates his plan. Michael is sent to hide at the bottom of the pool but decides after a little while that he probably doesn't have to be in his body while he does that, so he projects out, and sees a whole lotta cops with guns, a very angry Jubal, and a lot of complicated lawyer speak he doesn't really get. However, things take a turn when the cops start threatening Jill, so Michael immediately disappears all of them. Whoops. So Jubal reworks the plan a little and uses the fact that he's friend with Agnes's astrologist to get Secretary General Douglas on the horn just as a second wave of cops arrive. Jubal tells the Secretary General that he's representing Michael as his official lawyer, he wants to settle this reasonably and publicly, he wants Ben back, and he wants nobody arrested. Douglas agrees. The cops are called off, some proceedings are arranged, and everyone settles in for the night. That was easy. Jill, Mike, and Jubal talk about kissing and Jubal educates Mike that he should only kiss pretty, young women. It's time for more "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." "Human society brainwashes us into accepting artificial limitations on our lives and our choices. This is wrong! Love should be free, and without limit. Unless it's gay of course!" And that concludes our "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." So they get Ben back. He was just stuck in some dark room and pumped full of drugs for like a week, nothing to worry about. Ben's week in isolation has made him reevaluate his life and he realizes he wants to marry Jill, but her relationship with Mike has him conflicted until he realizes that the maternal instincts she's displaying are some of the qualities that originally drew him to her. The other qualities being her boobs and butt. So Ben and Jubal prepare for the proceedings and realize that Mike has no concept of personal ownership, so all the stuff that makes him a target isn't even stuff he wants. So maybe they can keep him safe by getting rid of it. The day of the proceedings arrives, the gang all share a pitcher of water and become water-brothers, and while they're getting ready, a Fosterite representative invites Mike to visit their church next week and Jubal agrees to come along. So this whole proceeding is basically performative. Jubal and Douglas have already agreed, but they need to make a show of it. Basically they give Douglas control over all of Mike's finances and say Mike can't own Mars because it's inhabited. This fixes literally everything and the metting is adjourned. That was easy. The gang all goes and gets lunch, and they talk about Mike and how he might actually be some kind of ambassador or spy for the Martians, and how the Martian ability to make their problems disappear is actually really unsettling and freaky. About time somebody noticed. So now Mike isn't a political prisoner or a fugitive, he's a celebrity! And you know what that means! Fan mail! And you know what that means! Dirty pics from fans. Jill has opinions about this, and you know what that means! It's time for more "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." "One of the great, tragic, insurmountable differences between the sexes is that no woman likes, watches, or even understands pornography." That concludes our "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." So Mike goes and visits the Fosterite mega-church, which is kinda like Notre Dame except with microtransactions. They show off the perfectly preserved body of their founder, which Mike is disturbed by, because that's not an Old One, that's a corpse nobody's eaten yet. They watch a sermon, which involves a snake dance and a lot of yelling, and then a major higher-up in the church goes to try and convert Mike to Fosterism, but clearly Mike isn't into it, because that higher-up is never seen again. The gang go home, and Mike has a lot to think about, so while the others talk religion, Mike goes catatonic and levels up. He develops a much better understanding of human social stuff, and when he goes out by the pool, he finds one of his water-brothers. Which one is not specified, but we
know she's female because they bang. And in the process, she seems to actually grok
what he meant with his "Thou art God" thing. So it turns out he CAN communicate his new
religious ideas that are untranslatable into English, but he can only do it... ... through sex You know what that means! IT'S SEX CULT TIME, BABY! So, just... I wanna manage some expectations here. So everything before this has been complex political machinations, and espionage, and an exploration of humanity through an alien lens and some genuinely cool sci-fi worldbuilding. Everything after this is about a sex
cult that gives you superpowers. That's... I'm not... exaggerating, I'm not minimizing,
that is the entire focus of the book from this point on! Just... fair warning. And if for some ungodly reason you have a kid watching this or are a kid watching this... please don't. Just... I can't have that on my conscience. Yeah, so Mike, now brimming with confidence, goes out into the world with Jill to start spreading the good word of "Bang me." He and Jill briefly work at a carnival and befriend a tattooed lady, Patty, who's a die-hard Fosterite until she sleeps with Mike and becomes a die-hard Mike follower instead. Also, Patty's nearly fifty, but she looks like she's about thirty, and apparently this is because she has lived a life free of worry and purely devoted to happiness and having a good time. This is a big part of Mike's whole thing too, so she's a good fit to the magic Martian sex cult. By the way, these scenes are intercut with footage from actual Heaven, where the Fosterite founder, Foster, and the dude Mike disappeared are observing the proceedings, and it is at this point that Foster suggests that Mike might actually be the Archangel Michael. Spolier alert: he's right. So anyway, Jill and Mike go to Vegas, and while Mike uses his telekinesis to cheat at gambling, Jill gets bored and decides to become a showgirl, in the process realizing that she was just being a prude before and she REALLY likes people looking at her nearly naked. It's time for more "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." "Exhibitionism is completely natural, and, in fact, EVERYBODY likes doing it once they get over their social brainwashing. Because this is 100% true, voyeurism, its converse, is also completely natural, and everybody likes it, all the time, regardless of circumstance. Anyone who feels uncomfortable with this, is brainwashed" That concludes our "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." Also, Jill takes a paragraph or two to share her thoughts on being gay. Oh boy, strap in! See, Mike didn't really have a concept of gender, and would probably have had no problem sleeping with a male water-brother, but obviously this was completely unacceptable, so Jill carefully coached him into not being appealing to gay people, and her approach to this was... having him him use his psychic powers to make himself look... manlier. Because if there's one thing gay dudes don't like, it's... dudes. Jill also REALLY hopes Mike never becomes water-brothers with a gay person, but she's pretty sure he'd be able to detect that there's something FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG with them, and wouldn't let it happen. *groan/sigh of exasperation at how '60s this book is* It's time for more "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." "See, love should be free and without boundaries, as long as that free love is NEVER GAY!! It's okay to socially brainwash someone if it's to keep them from being GAY, guys, that's just basic science." That concludes our "Deep Thoughts with Heinlein." Anyway, Mike telepathically links Jill's mind with the minds of the dudes in the auidence ogling her so she can see how she's seen by guys who find her attractive, and it only reinforces her judgement that voyeurism is totally cool. She's also briefly surprised to see that she finds the other girls attractive when viewed through the eyes of the audience but don't worry, it's only when she's looking through guys' eyes, definitely not even a little bit gay, because that would be bad. So anyway, Mike and Jill move on, and Mike is continually frustrated by world religions not actually answering his questions about souls and Old Ones and stuff and then, in a fit of frustration, he visits a zoo, like you do, and observes a medium-sized monkey get beat up by a big monkey and then turn around and beat up a smaller monkey. At this poignant display of the cycle of abuse, Mike laughs for the first time and realizes that comedy is built on pain, and that humans laugh because they can't do anything else. So now that Mike understands human suffering, he decides to do something about it, by taking his sex cult global. So Mike goes off and gets a diploma-mill's worth of degrees and then founds something called the Church of All Worlds. Ben goes to talk to Jubal about said church because he recently visited it and has some... thoughts. So the Church of All Worlds is more of a nudist colony/ Martian language school with a central nest where the inner circle of water-brothers hang out in a big polyamorous pile. The gang has expanded somewhat and includes a few religious people since Mike's cult doesn't replace other religions, it *improves* them. Mike's also explicitly running his church like a con or a carnival, treating everyone like marks, then drawing in the ones that seem receptive so he can hook them, teach them Martian, and initiate them into the inner circle. It's a cult, baby, that's how they all work. Anyway, Ben and Jubal discuss Mike's telekinetic miracles, and how all of his high-level sermons end in orgies, and Ben also recounts how he got to see Jill, who's prettier than ever on account of all the psychic powers she's developed from learning Martian and banging Mike. She explained to Ben how it's not really a religion or a cult, they're just trying to show people the truth. Wow, that's so funny, that's what every religion and cult says. Oh, by the way, there's this other lady in the cult, who's a former Fosterite named Dawn, and she and Jill have been using their psychic powers to look more like each other. This is never explained, I think it's just something Heinlein is into. So Ben hangs out with Jill and Mike and the rest of the gang, and has a very uncomfortable time being the only guy at the perma-orgy who is wearing pants, because apparently clothes and privacy are categorically disallowed in Heinlein's utopia. There's barely a concept of consent here, because none of these people in the nest would ever say "No," so, why would you ask? And Ben, who IS saying "No" to a lot of this is being treated like he'll learn or come around. For the record, he does not, but that doesn't stop someone from having sex with him anyway. Heinlein, did you just write one of your male leads being assaulted by your sex cult and treat it like it was a good thing? Anyway, Ben tells Jubal all about what's up in the nest, and after a winding explanation that he's being a prude, and heterosexual polyamory is the one true way to really live, man, Ben is convinced and runs off to join the sex cult. Quick 180. Meanwhile, the Martians sever their psychic link with Mike. They've learned all they can about humanity and will now deliberate over whether or not to destroy the Earth. But who wants to hear about THAT boring old junk (me?), back to the sex cult, please. So people keep trying to arrest Mike for various sex related crimes but for some reason those people never seem to make it to court. Wow, Mike's really getting cavalier with the murder, are we sure this isn't a horror story? Then while Mike is in jail for a little bit, the Fosterites declare a holy war and burn down their [the sex cult's] church. Oh no. But it's okay because everyone used their magical Martian mind powers to teleport to safety. Because they can teleport now. That's the power of heterosexual free love, baby! Jubal goes to visit the sex cult in the hotel they're currently using as a home base. He also learns that Mike escaped from prison, no problem, and while his body is safely in the hotel, his astral self is out there screwing with the Fosterites and making all their guns disappear and stuff. Man, it'd be kinda cool to see all this stuff, instead of hearing about it later. So Jubal hangs out with the übermensch sex cult who, thanks to learning Martian and having zero priorities in life other than having a good, heterosexual time, are all gorgeous, psychic superhumans now, and then when he goes to bed, Dawn shows up and coerces him into sleeping with her, even after he turns her down three times. Heinlein, did you just write your SELF-INSERT character being assaulted by your sex cult and FRAME IT LIKE IT WAS A GOOD THING?! So anyway, Mike tells Jubal that the Martians might show up to wreck the Earth in about five thousand years, but humanity has a chance at survival if they embrace the true, unique power of humanity that is... heterosexual love. Yep, the one thing unique to the human race. That's it, you've cracked the code. Good job. Nobody tell Mike about every other species with a spinal cord. Also, Jill has gotten over her silly little "murder is wrong" hangup, so she and the gang have been causally disappearing anyone who realizes they're hiding in the hotel, and also any major government officials they grok as wrong. Last night, they killed one hundred fifty people. I... I promise this is NOT framed as a horror story. I promise! Anyway, Jubal reassures Mike that his cult is literally unstoppable, and will easily outcompete the rest of the human race, and that once all the nonbelievers die out, Mike's superpowered family will inherit the Earth. Mike is pleased, and then goes outside to deal with the angry mob that's been accumulating. So Mike is illuminated by a golden sunbeam, vanishes all his clothes, and is immediately killed. Nobody but Jubal is upset by this, because nobody but Jubal thinks death is real anymore. So Jubal is upset and goes to kill himself, but Mike has other ideas and intervenes, confirming that, yep, death isn't real, Mike is totally still around, and it ain't no thing. So the gang cooks Mike into soup, because remember, Martians are cannibals and that's a-ok, and Jubal has some Mike soup and begins writing a new book about Mike, titled "A Martian Named Smith," which, fun fact, was the working title of THIS book. So, yeah, in case you weren't convinced that Jubal was a full-on author insert, he canonically wrote the book he's in. Anyway, the postscript informs us that the Martians do eventually decide to destroy the Earth, but at that point the humans are all Mike's superpowered free-love descendants, and easily fight them off, and also that Mike ascends to Heaven, once again becoming the Archangel Michael. So in case you were wondering if we were supposed
to question the morality of his actions, it's fine! He was a literal angel the whole time! Wheeee! ♩"People are Strange" by The Doors♩
"Why are you so invested in defending this"
Is probably gonna be my new go-to in arguments from now on
"I read Dune and Dianetics back-to-back but I couldn't remember which one I was supposed to write a book report on. So I just decided: fuck it, do both. That dumb broad of a teacher won't be able to tell the difference."
-Robert A. Heinlein, on Stranger in a Strange Land*
*Not an actual quote
Having never heard of this book before, this video was a fucking trip. I do kinda want to read it now though.
Overly Sarcastic Productions is the best. It combines my interests with academic literature and historical studies in a very entertaining way.
"The legal owner of Mars" is a big bullet-point.
Say what you will, the fact that he included that Earth Astrology wouldn't apply to Mars makes perfect sense for something I have never thought about.
Heinlein was weird in his private life.
Edit: This is the same person who wrote Starship Troopers and The Puppet Masters. Keep this in mind.
Ninja sex party origins.
I've been binging Trope talks for the past week. Red does a great job of breaking down and talking about not just examples but also implications of tropes and occasionally how to use them.
Good series.