Milan and Kay Yerkovich Speaking on Marriage & New Book How We Love

this is my lovely wife kay we met in California tell him how we met we met in 1969 at a water safety instructors class my mom said you have to get a summer job and so I thought well I'll be a lifeguard you know what better job is there to sit in the Sun and luckily he was in the class and everyone kept asking me is that your brother and I kept saying no that is not my brother and I am glad he's not because I got my eye on him and 38 years later we have four grown kids and three of them are married and we have four grandkids and so we've been on a journey together and I think a lot of what we're going to share with you and this weekend we didn't even understand a word of it until about the 15 year mark of our marriage and there were definitely problems in our marriage that we knew were there but we just didn't really know what to do about them and at the 15 year mark God started to really say okay it's time and so a lot of what we're going to share with you is part of that journey and how we're going to be very real with you and very transparent I love the motto of this church real people in a real journey and I think you're going to get some of that in this seminar we want to welcome everybody that's here this is a relationship workshop it's for married people it's for people who are single who've never been married for people who have been divorced anybody that would like to learn more about relationship we're glad you're here so we just want to welcome every one of you to our friends from des moines thanks for coming down and appreciate you making the trick and from Dallas hi y'all and if there's more than one of you it's all y'all so I know that much okay so we're glad you're here you know in the a lot of couples and people relationally whether you're dating or married people struggle and they find themselves lost they don't have a paradigm for understanding this think of two people together and so a lot of people find themselves struggling with no map now in the past there's been a very big push to understand for people to get the differences between the genders okay and a lot of couples work has been done around the theme of gender you know men like caves and they're the hunters and then they got the gatherers and you got men are from Mars and women from Venus all that kind of stuff we're going to share a different paradigm with you tonight there are gender differences and I am glad about that and but we're going to share a different paradigm it's a paradigm that is a newer trend that actually is really sweeping through the counseling world especially to create a paradigm for understanding how people in relationship work now when we do this workshop we're going to tell you we'll keep explaining a little bit more as we go along but throughout this workshop you're going to end up thinking on probably three levels one is you and your original family of origin with your folks number two you're going to be thinking in terms of your current relationships and number three you'll probably thinking what about my kids because this material is applicable on all three of those dimensions okay so what is your memory when I was about eight or nine a new boy moved into the neighborhood I introduced him to the baseball team and he took my position at first base Wow and so mom I remember my mom consoling me talking to me about you know it was okay and just being very affectionate very comforting to me about losing that spot at first base on the baseball team do you remember her ever asking you about how it made you feel or did she just know or do you remember having feelings yeah I think I must have went home and shared with her my disappointment and and then her talking to me about you know well you must be good at other things and trying to come up with some way to you know raise my spirits okay okay so that's an example of a mom at least you know it sounds like you came to her are you an extrovert I'm just curious yes okay and the reason I am having it's just affirm that you were did you go to church area a lot of people don't know you the reason I ask is many times extroverted kids are more likely to come tell their parents oh this happened or that happen the introverted kids often who Processing's internally need more pursuing but you know that's a good example of you going to your mom and her trying to really hear what was going on and how disappointing that was for you and some of the things what else might a parent do you know because there's what parents often do is oh it's okay there'll be another baseball team there'll be another which is reassurance and there's reassurance is something we all need at times but what's missing if you just reassure someone what okay acknowledgement I think she did pretty good job of acknowledging but if you really ask questions to find out what is going on so are you more sad are you more mad do you think this that you can still be this kid's friend you know do you feel like you know you wish you'd never been a friend to them just where you're asking questions to kind of find out a little bit more about what's inside and we know if you ever really that could come up again you know you're on the team and you're going to see this over and over you know come let me know when it bothers you again and we can talk some more you know but I'm just glad you have a memory how many people don't have any memory of comfort just raise your hand really high and I want you to look around look around and understand why we teach the seminar this is why we teach it right here I would say a good 70% of you can't come up with one memory and that would have been true for me so why don't you share it just what that means when you don't have a memory of comfort if you do not have a memory of comfort you do not know what it then feels like to be able to take the stresses the strains and the painful parts of your life and then bring them into relationship you don't know how to bring the inner you to the inside you in outward externally under relationship and this weekend is going to be very much focused around the one anothers of Scripture there are many of them in the Bible and to love one another serve one another encourage one another love one another serve one another and comfort one note and we want to get better at that this weekend and we want to work hard on being able to to allow that to happen but if you grew up in a home where that was not happening it as you become an adult it's going to be difficult for you to bring your real self into relationship as well because more is caught than taught when you are a child and so what you were taught as a child these your first love lessons they are the lessons that will take carry with you into a lifetime you you

Channel: WaterBrook & Multnomah

Views: 21,166

Keywords: Marriage, Spouse, Love, Intimacy, Divorce, Relationships, Patterns, Dr. Phil, christianity, inspirational, Teaching philosophy

Id: S6dM6rCvO_Q

Length: 7min 55sec (475 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 28 2011