Michelle Obama: It’s okay to not have it all

and it seems to be a question that women tend to get asked about how do you find your balance for some reason men don't seem to get asked that question about finding balance between work and the home and all that so what is there a different narrative we can we can talk about when it comes to balance and and in today's day and age I think all of us we feel pressures of work of life of having can we have it all and and what do we find that's best for us versus every other person out there both of you can we were just talking about this I mean you know my feeling is always you have to define your terms of what all means all is different for everyone the things that this woman does I could what she accomplishes in a day is is my my year agenda I don't feel bad about that right the second but so it's it's it's what you can do what you want what is it that fulfills me will be different than what fulfills another mom that lives on my street with her work life in her home life and so I think we have to constantly remind ourselves that you know the all in having it all doing it all is different for everyone whether you be male or female it's just different so my version of all if I put my head down at night and I feel like I circled it today I mean I kind of I was in the I was in the area of my all then I feel pretty good I have a pretty restful night's sleep and you know but but it's a it's a myth really what the thing that is the you know oh women you know can you have it all can you have a family and can you have a career and can you do all these things that idea is just to make us crazy because it's it's just a headline it's a highlighted thing to create challenge and I think distraction from what we're really doing and accomplishing and what we're very good at I take a huge amount of pride in my cooking though her husband might say I take too much pride it's but it's you know but to find the things that that make you feel like you're accomplishing your goals beautifully and joyfully my mom accomplished a lot of goals and didn't have the space for the joy that my life allows me to have and I am very aware of that and it makes me deeply grateful for the joy that I have room and space for every day that she really didn't yeah we were talking about having it all you know it it's it's become an interesting mantra in the heads of minds particularly women but it's so it's so stupid it's a stupid thing to you know just to be honest it's like no one has it all no one and why should we because doesn't that sound selfish because if you have it all that means somebody has nothing and that's I think that's one of the challenges we have on the planet is that there some people think that they should have it all you know without understanding that if you have it all a lot of people won't have anything so i i've learned to think about that in in my lifes balance it's like i'm not supposed to have it all what we fought for is women I thought was choice you know the ability to make a broader set of choices for our lives and where we are now is that there are some people that are judgmental about the choices that some men women make you know and a lot of times we do that to each other as women oh you're staying at home okay that's nice I guess oh you working well who's taking care of your kids you know I we tend to do that to each other and for me I had to come to that realization because trying to get it all just drive you crazy you know I have never found that I could be the mother that I wanted to be and do everything I want it with my career I couldn't do it like this trip for example when I was first lady it seemed like I was doing a lot but I found that in order to be focused on my work is first lady and raising two kids in the White House as my staff will tell you I work three days a week I was like I am on three days and that means when I'm on that means I have hair and makeup so you better get it all done because once I take these lashes off don't even ask me to come downstairs and I worked upstairs because the days that I wasn't working meant that I was on the soccer field at the school I was sleeping you know I was working out I was doing something for me but for those three days as my staff will tell you we hustle it's like hair and makeup on I will work from 6:00 in the morning until midnight that was the balance that I found and I also found that I could get a whole lot done in those three days I got more because I was more organized more focused but I had learned that well before I got to the White House I had to start learning that when I had my first kids when I had my children and I was still a high-powered blah blah blah whatever it was at the time and I was driving myself crazy and feeling like I was doing nothing right and there was no joy so I think Julia what you say is right is that we all have to define that for ourselves but keep that all thing out of the mix you know what I've learned is that if we take care of our health life as long and what you have our chapters you know so when I was first lady I would never have been able to I never did a two-week trip like this because for me being gone from my children was just not something I wanted to be for that long I would never leave Malia and that's that's not a judgment that was something that I felt I felt that first of all they're living in the White House that's crazy enough as it is their dad is somewhere at some G summit that they don't even understand that and so now where's mom what is she doing she's where in what country for how long you know for me I was like so we would do this trip the same trip to three or four countries we'd do that in four days crazy right well that was the choice I made if I'm gonna do this I'll do this in four days we will operate on no sleep and then we'll get on the plane and go home and see nothing of the countries that we were in except for the freight elevator and the conference stage and then you'd go to sleep so those were the kind of balancing choices that I learned to make

Channel: The Star

Views: 414,385

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Id: qHyQd1Xpm4w

Length: 7min 59sec (479 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 12 2019