Matthew Hussey Shares Text from Wife that Shook Him | The Drew Barrymore Show

[Music] but your wife did talk about the text she sent you because it is so great my wife is so awesome she is the most incredible I've learned so much from this woman she's so gorgeous I so we met in London we were dating I went back to Los Angeles where I live she stayed in London where she lives and I started to fade we weren't in a relationship we were dating and I was like I just can't the longdistance thing I can't do this but there was never a conscious moment where I said hey look I can't do this I just started to fade mhm two weeks passed without me saying anything and then and I cringe at this message now I sent her a message that said I miss you now some people when they get a message like that from someone they like are just happy that that person's thinking of them here's what my wife did back when we were dating I said I miss you she sent me a message back that said hey um I hope you're well to be honest I don't really know what to say when you send me a message like this we haven't really been been that close for a while now and rightly or wrongly this message comes off as a bid for attention now by the way everything about that message was Pitch Perfect it was warm because Audrey is always warm but she was ruthless in her standards she said I don't really know what to say when you send me a message like this which is honest this is confusing I haven't heard from you for a couple of weeks and now you say I miss you this is out of sync with what you've been doing yes she then said um we haven't been that close for a while now yep pointing out the truth the elephant in the room let me take a spotlight and put it on the elephant in the room and then she said rightly or wrongly she put that bit in parenthesis and rightly or wrongly which is a great way to remove ego from the equation yes and so I for me I felt naked when I received that message I was like oh my God this exactly what I'm doing I backed off and let me tell you the best part of this whole story the best part is I did actually back off it's not that message wasn't sent and I went oh my God I must make her my wife now I heard what I saw was oh our intentions are different I'm going to back off she did not then 3 Days Later think oh no he backed off I'm going to now come forward because that would have meant that that message was a tactic mhm and tactics are different from standards a tactic is what you do to get a response or to get a result you want yes and when you don't get the result you want with a tactic you just change tactic you go well that playing hard to get didn't work I guess I'll text him y if it's a standard it's who you are and when it's who you are it's consistent so when I backed off she just felt validated in having that standard and said okay goodbye talk about the four um levels of importance which I really loved so chapter two in the book is called how to tell love stories and this is about making sure that the way we tell ourselves love stories in our life helps us it doesn't hurt us mhm how many people here have ever had be honest an amazing connection with someone and then it fell off maybe that person stopped texting you back maybe that date didn't go anywhere but you held on to that amazing connection you had with them and you ruminated for it for a long time and found it hard to get over them put your hands up okay so I know a bunch of you felt that and didn't put your hand up but that's I'll put two hands up I have Phantom relationships last week I fell in love uh got rejected and we broke up and it was all in my head and that's where these four levels come in tell us because they're very tangible and take away the first level of importance in any situation is admiration that's just if you see someone and you think that they're interesting or sexy or hot or charismatic or that eligible you have feelings for them you have a crush on them but that's not very important because they may not even know you exist so number one not very important number two is mutual attraction that's where we meet someone we like but we get signs that they like us back and this is the most dangerous point of Attraction the moment you decide you like someone and then you feel they like you back the most dangerous moment in dating and the reason it's the most dangerous moment is because we think it's so rare I never meet anyone I like and they like me back this is it and then we give everything to this situation oh my God but it's only level two this is my entire life go on it's only level two cuz level three is commitment level three is when there's someone who doesn't just want to give you attention they also have real intention attention is not intention commitment is level three commitment is we like each other but we're also saying yes to each other you want a relationship I want a relationship let's do this and by the way even then there's level four which is compatibility do we work together love isn't enough there are many people who get together and then realize it doesn't work because they're not compatible so what we have to start saying to ourselves is no one can be important to me that does not choose me not when it comes to my love life this can't become level two is the unhatched egg right feels amazing it feels exciting but right now the idea of a relationship is still it's not even on the cards yet until you're at that point we have to get good at recognizing that because then we will stop grieving over someone we only ever reached level two with as if they were the one you when someone at level two Fades out ghosts you disappears decides they don't or tells you they don't want a relationship you can grieve out of disappointment that they were not the one but you can't grieve as if they were the one yes [Music]

Channel: The Drew Barrymore Show

Views: 40,298

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Id: kBbM3oVvUNQ

Length: 6min 50sec (410 seconds)

Published: Fri May 03 2024