Mason Victor King - B-sides & Tidbits

[Music] yeah I can't afford a place to stay or even wash my body but I can afford a lose you ever f a drug test even though you use somebody else pee what you say when that happen like hold on hold on that pee ain't even mine I demand to rep don't you enjoy this good thing we got going on I come to Memphis I give you a good dick and I leave $80 on the [Music] table that's my baby [Music] daddy I hope not you say I don't know I don't know how people have more than one you know what I'm saying as much money as you spent on one you didn't had two how y'all feeling hell yeah I'm happy to be here I'm happy to be here I put draws on for this I got on I got on draws look yeah they snug dried them a couple of time they a little snug elastic still good in them ho it's too cold for your booty to be cracking you know I'm saying you ever have your booty cracking a little bit and it's too cold outside the weather changing it's a little cold I I I I flex not putting on a shirt tonight it's cuz the how the weather been changing I don't like the cold weather man I love your swag thank you put on I bought a little bowwow bo doag for this you know what I'm saying did you know little bowwow is the king of black hair I read that in a magazine today now when I put draws on for this I wash my face I brush my teeth you know what I'm saying it's too cold not to be wearing draws though you know what I'm saying you need your thing warm and [ __ ] your body go through too many changes when it's cold outside you reach for that reach for that dick reach for that dick with that cold hand dick be like can't even pissed the same you done shook well you didn't got you some tissue and wiped you put that dick back in your warm pants dick be like piss I be ping on myself in certain temperatures so I hope everyone did I I pee before I got up here shook well you know what I'm saying I hope everyone is as comfortable as they can be we appreciate hell yeah I need I need my audience everybody I think comfortability should be valued more in today's society and [ __ ] you got you ever have a widget so deep you ain't got no choice but to dig in your ass you've exhausted all other options you didn't hit the little power squat in the middle of the conversation and Sh Tred to chaa around that a little bit you just got to go on ahead go for what you know and get that ho out you got to be comfortable out here man I'm comfortable out here I'm in Memphis too back home I've been away for a while I live in Maryland you know what I'm saying I've been away for about 3 years you know what I'm saying I missed Memphis man I uh I drove here from East Memphis today uh from like Winchester and Ridgeway I thank God for my life right now when nobody shoes or nothing it was just the potholes damn you got to eat some lifethreatening potholes my battery jumped out my car I hit a [ __ ] poo he potho is ridiculous man I figur for like Earth day maybe everybody can get like a little bag of cement and we can and we can have a little pothole filling ceremony ourselves cuz the the city ain't going to do it for us it's a law in the city it's a law in the city that say if a PO hole [ __ ] up your car you can you can call the city and the city will pay for the damages to your vehicle but the thing about it is you got to report the pothole first it's too many Thugs and gangsters in Memphis for that type [ __ ] too many Thugs and gangsters I'm in Memphis I'm in Drive riding around Memphis boy we hit a pothole battery jump out the car y'all he say I'm going sue the [ __ ] out the city I said you know you got to report that pothole first he said [ __ ] that I ain't no snitch [Music] I love I'm enjoying being back home man I missed the food God damn I missed the food man i i g about 7 lbs worth of chicken gizz us already I missed the [ __ ] food bro I love food though it might be a time my life it might be a time my life for the love of of food and marijuana food and marijuana is like a little time my food and marijuana G I love I be watching my 600 lb life like I get get it bro lay down and eat that cheeseburger feel good don't it feel good about yourself that's right I love only food I don't really get like that is crunchy peanut butter you know say how you even spread that across a slice of bread and whose idea was to put tiny ass rocks in a jar peanut butter like that that's that's fish tank Decor they go in a fish tank right there I love [ __ ] food somebody was cooking for me one time she said is it anything you don't eat I said dick ain't too much nothing else I ain't eating dick with a forking KNE ain't none of that going on I eat a little ass I eat a little ass about it I eat a little ass I ain't no ass eating [ __ ] you know I ain't no ass eating ho but I E look like eat look I ain't no ass e ho I ain't no ass e SL I know the first and last name of every booty I didn't ate she was no stranger you know only thing I wish I had have done differently in My Buddha eating experiences is have a little conversation about it first like oh girl I might eat that ass tonight cuz without that I might have a reputation as a a ass eater out here in these streets and that's not what I am booty for me is like frog legs I don't eat them but I tried them I know what they t like I ain't match this cup uh with my outfit on purpose either but I'm dripping in it home yes got my chest out and this thank you so much you making me blunch on them now I love food Man Booty for me like frog legs I don't eat them but I tried them and [ __ ] I ain't ate no frog dick though I love it here I got my little chest out tonight and [ __ ] you know say I got 10 tattoos I got 10 tattoos so far I think my next tattoo going to be a stomach tattoo and [ __ ] I love tatted women I'm a sucker for a thigh tattoo if you tatted Make Some Noise you tatted what you T it don't you got your you you ride a motorcycle oh okay I figur you got your kneecap tatted you ride you ride motorcycles to knock [ __ ] out one you maybe both maybe both yeah maybe both I got 10 tattoos I want to get some Mo and [ __ ] I'm a sucker for for a nice St Tattoo on a lady I'm a sucker for a nice little little chest plate tattoo on a lady I'mma sucker for a like I'm a sucker for a [ __ ] stamp right but if you already tatted I ain't I ain't just I ain't just I ain't just impressed by no T no [ __ ] stamp right but if I don't see no tattoos on your body and I take you to Applebees for a little two for 20 two for 25 I don't know how much it is I ain't been Applebees me I got $5 buckets I heard I surely they got two for 28 [ __ ] but if you getting up from the table Apple bees and I see a little trm stamping with no other with no other tattoos G I intrigued how do I wake her up I want to know who was at the tattoo shop like this ah ooh ooh that's who I want to take to Apple [Applause] peas I'm uh I'm semi single out here in this home semi semi single that's when you when when can't nobody claim you per se but you [ __ ] some body the most okay chances are you [ __ ] raw chances are chances are you [ __ ] raw and you about you you know what I'm saying if she see a condom at least she happy to you know what I'm saying semi single in this somebody asked me is there any difference in being uh uh single or in a or in a relationship and I don't think it's any better or worse per se I just think it's different like they ask me I think it's refreshingly different either or like being single ain't so bad it's being by yourself that's the hard part right when you get when when you went to Applebees for yourself for the two for 20 and you eating your leftover 7 oce steak and you start choking on that ho in the house by yourself you wish somebody was there to beat your back God damn it you but being single too you can [ __ ] who you want to you could be as freaky as you want to and I'm a big old freak y'all I ain't going to lie I'm freaky as hell I'm kinky as hell it's cold outside too it's kinky weather it kinky ass weather and [ __ ] man I was uh and everything just remind me of Kink ass [ __ ] man I went hunting the other day we killed some squirrels we cook some squirrels y'all eat squirrel you can eat squirrel in this ho man you you eat squirrel you hunt squirrel you hunt squirrel you skin squirrel yeah kinky ass squirrel squirrel be kinky as hell when you skinning it squirrel be Kink ass squirrels man n but this Kink ass weather I'm and and and and the reason I'm I'm so free speaking about Kink is because I I think I think Kink you know is is is it for 2023 you know what I'm saying your [ __ ] hole pink your booty hole Brown Kink shouldn't still be taboo we should still have now I do think [ __ ] hole being pink budah hole being Brown is a little aggressive intrusive if nothing else right but I still think uh uh being we we should be free to be cany in this ho I think I think a way to settle that I think a way to to ease into that is like a little Kink ass Disney princess Kink Disney princess now people game I ain't saying let's create a whole new Disney princess in this ho and make her Kink as hell we this 2023 we living in a time of remakes let's let's take an existing Disney princess and give her a sequel or remake if you will where she Kink is here I'm going nominate Cinderella right I'm going to put Cinderella on the pedest Cinderella we going to keep some facts we going to keep some facts of the traditional story Cinderella was Po and goodlook right and po good-looking women ain't got a whole lot of hobbies they can [ __ ] good they can [ __ ] real good especially in these temperatures they can [ __ ] their way into a home you know so she will poke she was goodlooking and she got along with the prince at the ball traditional story she leave a little slipper behind at the ball ah and the prince spent all his time trying to find somebody who can fit this shoe I know a bunch of size s you know say we going to make Cinderella my Cinderella is she going to be a little is going to be a little kinky you know what I'm saying she ain't going to leave that slipper behind at the ball she going to eat that dick before she leave the ball she going to go eat that dick you know what saying clock still going to strike 1150 whatever 1145 whatever whatever it stru you going G I got to go he was like wait I was almost finished I was almost finished he wake up the next day like I got to marry that girl that gave me that good ass head yesterday and you know the lying for to be longer than it's supposed to be everybody think they head can win them Prince I ain't lying this women getting drug all out the room you might have said no to that good head but I bet you can't deny that good ass [ __ ] the prince having the best day he' done never had she's not the one she's not the one she's not the one go stand over there she ain't the one but the prince can have a few concubines in there that's TR out you got to try them out oh excuse me get that service say it one more time get that service get that Ser I thought you said hit that cervix I said not everybody you know what I'm saying I like to think I'm hitting that cervix I don't know where it's at but if it's somewhere if it's somewhere up in here I think I'm hitting that ho hit that cervix I don't know what a cervix is for real for real if I'm supposed to be tending to it let me know you know what I'm saying I'm I like to learn you know saying you got to do that ladies you got to do that ladies ladies you got to if if a man ain't pleasing you the first thing you got to do is give him instructions right the that's the first thing if a man ain't pleasing you the first thing you need to do if if you like him if you like him if you like him and you just like man I ain't getting that D like that you know then you got to give him instructions first now if he ain't pleasing you you like this [ __ ] can't even follow instructions he that I know this [ __ ] can't please me yeah yeah I be learning to tell me what I don't know where to Ser examp but if I need to hit that hole if I need to put a leg up Orit I seen a quarterback doing that [ __ ] I know I get no puss out can I get little for the I'm you got to give instructions but in giving your instructions keep giving that puss up you know what I'm saying yeah if you dating you dating if you dating exclusively that's dating exclusively but if you out here dating get that puss up while you dating I'm be holding on to that [ __ ] I be holding on to that puss get that [ __ ] a [ __ ] right we can all agree as long as we living and even when we die [ __ ] is raw meat f facts [ __ ] is raw and we know all know that all raw meat has an expiration date you better stop [ __ ] you better startop [ __ ] giving that puss up before your [ __ ] expire later kind of sort of women women age like fine wine but [ __ ] age like bananas and I don't know I don't know if if [ __ ] is really into black bananas like that you know what I'm saying the health department going to shut your [ __ ] down fruit flies in fruit flies and it I uh as a comedian man I think the world is getting soft for lack of a better word you saying soft uh uh I think shapo got in some trouble not too long ago uh for freedom of speech for lack of a better phrase uh I think Bill bur I think Bill Burr got in trouble not too long ago uh just just for speaking his mind as a stand up I think I don't think I I My Only Rule as a stand up is be funny fact man say what you want to say be funny and some of these subjects ain't really taboo like that did we make it taboo cuz it's in cuz it's in the paper cuz it's on the news you know what I'm saying I think Bill bur got in trouble talking about abortion ain't nothing wrong with talking about this [ __ ] you know what I think everybody problem with abortion is ain't a good enough slogan attached to abortion cuz we we American we we with some [ __ ] up [ __ ] now man America I ain't a good enough ain't a good enough slogan attach to abortion and and what's a good slogan without a great commercial right so go with me to my imagination real quick if you will right we got a great American day in a shopping mall everybody shopping it's Christmas season everybody getting gifts we shop right a active shooter coming to the shopping mall ready to ruin Everybody's Day right a hero shows up before the active shooter can drop any innocent lives and drops the active shooter and we hear a great American side and then you hear Planned Parenthood because sometimes taking a life Saves a Life y'all [ __ ] with that y'all [ __ ] with that okay all right you know what I'm saying we just need a good enough slogan attach to it all right I just think the world too soft now man you know what I'm saying this soft ass Trends out here in there it's a little Trend going around where where where people get semicolons tattooed on it where forgive me where suicide survivalists suicide survivalists get these semicolons tattooed on them and a and it's to is to say that they try to punctuate they life with period but God saw fit to change that punctuation to a semicolon and continue their life sentence and and I hear [ __ ] like that and think to myself you [ __ ] failure you you can't kill yourself bro you can't kill yourself bro it's a lot I can't do you know I'm saying I can't do physics but I can kill myself if I want it too don't put your failures on my God like that God know how to kill people oh man I am a Christian though you know what I'm saying regard I'm a Christian I'm a young black Christian male uh I'm on uh Christian meet.com Christian singles.com I'm on that [ __ ] you know what I'm saying say I'm my now I'm Mason Victor King on there I'm on uh I'm on black I'm on BLK that's the little black day site and and what I like to do on Black I swipe right on all the white women cuz I know what you here for I know what they there for this ain't for you this sight ain't for you I know what you f but I'm a Christian my God I am I'm going to be here okay I be swiping right on all them white women I know what you want oh a no white man on here girl the white man out here girl I got about eight iPhones [ __ ] around on their black tting site what's up Britney sup Amber but I'm a Christian though I'm a Christian I uh I Think Jesus coming back I'm a traditional Christian man I Think Jesus coming back you know what I'm saying and I hope he kicking for a minute I hope I hope he ain't just coming back and then leaving real quick like wait a minute man I been reading about you for my kick want some of this you want some of there I I heard you turn water into [Music] this I hope he kicking for a minute I hope he chill with I hope I I hope he come to Memphis and learn our vernacular right oh god oh I hope he learned that phrase right I hope he learned our vernacular cuz this the thing Jesus ain't talk like everybody else he spoke in Parables Jesus ain't talk like everybody else he hear out he hear out on God phrase and want to and want to get in on it on hisself but he don't talk like everybody he like what is this on God phrase you speak of my children and we'd be like well Mr Christ and he'd be like please call me Jesus and we be like well Jesus just is how we live folks know we serious like okay later on he start talking in the conversation you know my mama was a virgin when she had me be like hell no your mama was no virgin you be like on my daddy my mama was a vir y'all want to hear me sing for I y'all know I can sing do y'all know I can sing can I can I can I can I show you what to play singing for me is like last resort to get that [ __ ] I ain't going to need likee I just I I kind of sit on the fact that I can sing I done got you flowers and cards and can I'm like [ __ ] do you know I can sing what made me I was created for it you know I'm saying like when God when God made me you know what I'm saying it was like he put He put a lot of dick in there ho he put a he he dumped he dumped a lot of dick in that BS and he dumped a lot of the ability just to make people laugh and I understand that uh standup is 100% customer service right if you not laughing I'm doing a terrible [ __ ] job right you I'm saying sing it for [Music] me for me my last resort to get that [ __ ] if you want chill I I could just uh play with that [ __ ] for a little bit if you want to I can play with that [ __ ] I can play [Music] [Applause] my you fingering you fingering the [ __ ] you fingering you sound good you sound good but you fing I'm playing with the I'm [Laughter] I'm [Music] [Applause] [Music] I I I can play my guar I can play with I can play my guar I can play with that I can play my I can play with that like I play my your your girl I got you I can feel through them DRS I can play with that I can play [Music] [Music] my ladies and gentlemen my name is Mason Victor King what's my name Victor King thank y'all so much good [Applause] night

Channel: High Water

Views: 2,407

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Id: eiNyK3mWYVE

Length: 25min 40sec (1540 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 21 2024