Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes

so typically if you recognize this set and you recognize this man here you would have him interview everybody but today we're gonna interview the man Lewis house the author of a book that's completely blown me away I kind of have to open up to you and tell you you know how this whole thing happened with this book so the first time I was reading an article I think was an ink magazine article that said here's a five books you need to read in twenty fourteen or fifteen when this came out it was the school of greatness and I read the book and I said you know it's it's it's a modern version of a Laws of Success by Napoleon Hill good book but I didn't recommend it to anybody I'm just telling you I don't recommend it to anybody sure but I thought it was a good book this book I read this book and I'm telling you right now every body in the world needs to read this book and I'll tell you story why it's called mask of masculinity so many many years ago i as a a type personality you know cocky competitive I'm gonna take over the world I'm number on all this other stuff that we have in our minds years ago had a guy named Bob Hastings who tells me I need to read a book called Samson syndrome so I said it aside I don't need to read the book and then he calls my wife and he says Jennifer you need to read this because your husband is gonna read this book so then Jennifer reads the book Samson syndrome she reads the book were in bed and she says babe you got to read this book Samson syndrome this is exactly a book that I believe every woman needs to read to understand men better so prior to getting into it you know what made you even want to write a book like especially with all the stuff that's going on right now what did you want to write a book like this because I realized that I was living in a lot of pain and suffering and I didn't want to feel trapped anymore emotionally I was achieving so much in my outer world I was very competitive I still am but I was very competitive and everything was a live or die situation on winning and being right essentially and I achieved a lot financially sports-wise all those things but I felt empty and unfulfilled still and I never knew why I just thought this was the way of life so I would always strive for more and more and more and nothing would fulfill that emptiness or that loneliness and when I finally four years ago started opening up about a lot of things that I was afraid of people knowing about me it gave me so much freedom now people knew everything about me and they still liked me they still loved me they still accepted me they almost loved me even more the stuff they knew about me that I was afraid of I said wow it's a sense of freedom that I never had in my life the things I started opening up about where I was raped by a man when I was five and for 25 years I didn't tell anyone and it was just constantly in the back of my head you know it's kind of like constantly ruling my life and everything else that I was ashamed of feeling like a an insecure stupid kid who was in the special needs classes being dyslexic being kind of picked on just like all those other things I didn't want to talk about so I would mask them by being a great athlete by making money by showing off in other ways to gain acceptance and to belong into the world and I realized that was a lot of it was a facade and I felt resentful always of myself because other people really didn't know who I was and I wasn't allowing them to see me for who I was and yet they were accepting me for something I wasn't were you acting did you feel like you're acting like you're being somebody or not or it was more subtle it was like subconscious wasn't like I'm gonna do this to like fit in Hofstra like was there posturing or not really no I think it was just like I was defensive and guarded and insecure I wouldn't let anybody in yeah one of the people an interesting when I would let him into a certain place if I come here and then stay away you know it was like come here close enough but they're not too close desire me but don't get to fully know me you know want me but you can't have me was this with everybody including mom dad your brother your family everyone everybody won yeah and I wasn't even aware of it though god I think was just like well this is the way life is I'm not supposed to open up you're not supposed to express these things you're not supposed to talk about these insecurities at least things that have gone through because then you won't fit in then people won't like you then they're gonna judge you so it's just my own like misconception of how to live a meaningful life and I was like but they'll love me and they'll accept me and they'll appreciate me if I can provide for them if I achieve certain results if I make money if I whatever have the nice house the car whatever then they'll accept me and think I'm cool I'll fit in and I realized that thirty when a lot of things in my life were kind of crumbling down in my inner world I went through kind of a bad breakup with my girlfriend at the time I had a bad breakup with my business partner at the time and I was taking all this anger and frustration out into the world if someone looked at me the wrong way it was like you want to fight me type of mentality it was like if someone cut me off in a car driving in LA would you been here so it was like it was like let me get up in front of you and show you I'm number one like or let me even one time I got out of my car I was one of those guys who was like you're gonna do this to me like it was like an attack on my life right so everything was fela gonna attack I played basketball and I got in a really bad fight with a guy who I felt like it was attacking me it was like I didn't know how to express myself in healthier ways than just being angry and reacting what caused this though what caused what what caused this uh wanting to not open up with everybody what caused this raid what causes fire I think the fear of not being accepted and not fitting in we all want to belong we all want to feel loved and feel accepted no one wants to be isolated for a long time no one wants to feel like they don't belong to a community and I felt very isolated my entire childhood so I just didn't want to feel alone anymore alone in my family alone with my friends school all these things so I said what can I do to fit in better what can I do to get acknowledged better what can I do for people to love me for something as opposed to make fun of me for something mm-hmm I think a lot of kids go through a phase of what getting picked on bullied made fun of like it happens to all of us it's not like I had a unique situation but there weren't really tools when you're five of like oh you just got raped by man here's what to do there's no hotline for when you get sexually abused dude you little bring that up to mom or dad no one knew why would I tell my mom or dad when the shame the guilt the insecurity the I don't even know what really just happened yes the feeling of like I know something's not right but I'm not doing how do I talk about this so how did you start I mean so you say 25 years they just start with family first and then the public lot I started with it was actually a workshop that I went to I so after all this kind of stuff happened in my relationships business intimate fighting on a basketball court I was like okay something's not working like yes I'm achieving things on the outside world and people look say that I'm killing it but why is my inner world suffering constantly so I said okay it's time maybe it was 30 I hit 30 and I was like all right I'm finally willing to like look within maybe it was like the perfect storm of these kind of like arguments and breakups and fights I was like all right something's not working let me look within and so I talked to therapists friends I hired liked OSHA's I went to workshop so I was like let me just try anything and even though I was kind of like I already know this stuff you know everything you're telling me because you're doing teaching this I know this stuff like what can you teach it still had that egoic mentality of like all right I guess this is the way I am deal with it and I went to a workshop that was about 50 people in it it was an emotional intelligence workshop so that the Chris Risley one yeah and it was almost like you and even the first few days I'm kind of like what I need to be here this is stupid like I should be teaching this workshop right I don't tell myself but they're created a lot of games and exercises where we talked about like our past with our relations with our parents it's kind of like their group therapy in a sense but similar pain amongst the 50 people or yeah but everyone had a different experience everyone had like stuff with their mother dead or breakup in the past or the divorce or like some people had like their kids who passed away and I'm like dealing with different issues so this is this is this is a lot of deep a lot of deep issues yeah I mean there's a local here in the SoCal local here in LA but people were coming from all over the place and it got to a point where it's a third day of this five day experience and the people are really opening up at this time people are talking about their biggest fears the challenges and so people are being vulnerable I'm kind of just still acting like I'm cool but I addressed a lot of these things I addressed stuff about my parents with people who did these exercises and games and group stuff and I address some of these things and then there's a point where Kris said okay we have talked about everything from your past that hasn't worked for you or that's holding you back or that you're afraid of or that you're insecure about we've talked about it all had you already opened up by the way now he said he said this is the turning point if you haven't addressed anything you need to talk about still there's anything that's holding her back does anything you're afraid to talk about if there's anything that like he just rambled off and I was like he was like now is the time to speak or forever hold your peace because we're moving towards the future now of the life you want to create I was thinking to myself I talked about my brother being in prison and me having no friends for four years because none of the neighborhood parents would let their kid and you were young or eight years old yeah acres are one good and that was like you know in a white you know middle-class suburban neighborhood no other white people were going to prison that I knew in my little town it was like a small town so I was like I was the bad kid right he's mixed he's gonna be next doing this yeah I talked about that I talked about my parents being divorced which pretty much everyone else in the room talked about their parents getting divorced I talked about being the special needs classes like all these things that was frustrated with I talked about past relationship challenges you know fears and I was like what about that time when I was raped it's just kind of went through my mind I was like why have I never told anyone this yet it's been on my mind every single day for 25 years every single day every single day like I would have an image or just like a quick thing and I just like pass the side like it wasn't like I thought about a constant leap inside or a song a movie you want to bring it up you know and never like okay well it just happened whatever and I was like huh why have I never talked about this so in that moment I was just like whether it was everyone else was opening up and like it was the context of this experience and I just felt like I had to do it now so I got up in front of the room and told the whole story for the first time in front of these 50 people and I couldn't look anyone in the eye so I was just looking down at the floor cuz I was so ashamed and guilty and insecure about what they would think of me was there anybody there that you knew or no was it just yeah I mean I got to know them family friends were not there here so I was kind of like strangers so you open up open up in tears you're looking down I don't even show emotion I'm like looking down the whole time and I talk about it and then I tell the whole story from the site to smell the taste everything sit down and it was like an eruption of emotions I was just bawling for the next few minutes I couldn't control myself just like finally I was allowing myself to express the the pain that I was feeling all her life and there was these two women on either side of me just like holding me and crying as well so it was like a it was healing but I was also like terrified of what these people were to think of me so I run out of the hotel conference room right where we're doing the workshop I run out of the hotel outside there's like a back alley with a wall and I just like go up against the wall put my head in my hand and I'm just like crying I'm like I don't want anyone to see me on the barest and it was probably one of the most beautiful experiences I had what happened next one by one the men who were in that room came up to me and looked me in the eyes and they were like you're my hero they just all came up to me they're like you're so courageous like this is so brave of you you're my hero and then something interesting they started opening up about their experiences that they were unwilling to talk about some of them faced sexual abuse others it was other things they hadn't said yet that they were ashamed of and they'd been holding on to and all of them just started talking to me about everything and they're like I will follow you anywhere if you have the courage to talk about this like then I trust you I'll do whatever you tell me to do were you expecting that react what now at the opposite I was expecting like them to push me away to make fun of me whatever I was just afraid and so that helped me they're like you need to tell your family this and your friends sounds like no way you know you guys are strangers who cares if I'd ever see you again but I was like no way at this point are you already Lewis house are you already school of grace a year in the school of greatness so the school grayness had some success but it book hasn't come out yet though that book hadn't come out yet no no this is pre book so I had some a following and had some other stuff I just sold a company like but nothing really to this level and they said you should tell your family and I was like terrified I told her therapist friend of mine I said hey this is something that happened to me because I thought like okay she would be in confidence she can't share this and she was like you should really share with your family and I was like I don't know how how do you start that conversation how do you tell your mom who found the babysitter and there was the babysitter's son who did it how do you tell your mom that story how do you tell your older sister is your brother like the people you idolized in your your life and she said she gave me a great question to ask them first she said when you get on the phone and I talked him in person asked him this question is there anything that I could ever say or do that would make you not love me start with that I mean have a normal conversation and say hey listen there's something I want to share with you I don't ask you first is there anything I could ever say or do that would make you not love me cuz I think the fear was they weren't going to accept me mm-hmm and she said just see what they respond with first if they question it then maybe don't tell him right away or were like we'll come back another time you know but all of them were like absolutely not I mean my brother right away he was like absolutely not like you know he went to prison he was like you can do it everyone it's not gonna be as bad you know I'm gonna still gonna love you and so each one of them kind of gave permission to open up as well by asked that question and again it was just a beautiful experience like I was worried and scared but I learned things about them that that I didn't know about my closest family members I they opened up about stuff from their childhood you know and it brought a connection that we it was so much deeper than what we already had and then I shared I started sharing with my friends one by one and this was terrifying for me as well it's like okay family has to love me now friends have limitations my friends got me you know who are my real friends here one by one I started asking that are talking to them and saying hey I have something to share with you that I'm a little embarrassed of and it scared of your response are you open to to listening and all of them were just so receptive and open and you know and again they started to share other things about their life and then they said you should do this publicly and I was like no there's no way I'm gonna like friends and family is one thing but why would I let the world know and it took about six or seven months if people just saying this is so powerful to hear this from someone that looks like you like a tall white male jock many guys like you aren't opening up about this and the statistics are that one in six men have been sexually abused and yet you don't really hear about people talking about it specifically athletes or former pro athletes or business leaders they're not like opening up about these things and what I was realizing the more I was doing it with one on one it was bringing healing to myself and to the other people and so enough people convinced me to do an episode on my podcast and that was terrified right I was terrified but I had some a friend of mine interview me and facilitate it this was four years ago you never being facilitated and I held on to it for like three months I couldn't post it I was like still terrified I was like I don't want to rub people the wrong way I don't want 1271 what if it hurts my business I was just like yeah of course I was just worried about it like every like sensitive topic like I just wasn't sure so I asked a female influencer in that space I was like can you listen to this can you like write the title for me can you make sure I'm doing it the appropriate way to not hurt people or found people or anything and I publish it and I remember I was just like one night I was like okay I'm gonna publish this like it's time it was right over here I published it and I went outside to my balcony and I remember I just tweeted the link and that's all I did it was like 10 or 11 o'clock at night and I remember sitting outside and looking up and he was like the biggest moon I'd ever seen in my life and that was the night of like this super moon that was supposed to be like the bait like once every 100 years this thing I was like this is crazy right there you go everything on Twitter is like photos of this super moon and I just tweeted this thing I was like this is weird and then I go to bed and I wake up the next day there's hundreds of emails from men emailing me saying thank you so much for this episode and then essays of them opening up for the first time about what they'd been through whether it be sexual abuse or relationships or whatever and I was like oh my it took me a couple weeks to just recover from reading all the emails of like the pain and suffering that so many men were going through and I realized this is the most impactful episode I'll ever do probably or this topic and I that's the moment I was like I need to dive in deeper on this because this is way more powerful than talking about marketing and business which I was doing but this is the stuff that will help your business to a whole nother level this was the stuff that will help your relationship your health here you'll actually be able to enjoy life exactly yeah yeah and that's what put me down that path of like okay I want to research this more I don't know like what the the statistics are the psychology behind this I just know from my personal experience and that it's helping a lot of people and so I said this is like what I get to do next was a book on this I was in the middle of writing this and talking about the school greatness and then everyone was like okay what's next let's do the business book let's do the marketing thing let's do like that just doesn't feel right this feels right because so many men that I grew up with never talked about these things and I've been going on this book tour and about 50 50 men and women are showing up and I go okay raise your hands ladies who are in the room if every single week you get together with your girlfriends and you talk about your fears your insecurities your relationship issues your body issues yeah whatever work issues raise your hands if at least once a week you get together every hand goes up and they're like this is pretty much everyday you know we're on the phone with each other we're having lunch and we're talking about these things I go OK for the guys in the room raise your hand if once a month you have one guy friend or a group of guys where you get together and you talk about fears insecurities challenges with your relationships two or three hands out of like a hundred and oh my I bet you guys are in the church group yes SID because companies are not gonna do it friends are not gonna talk about this it's just not acceptable yeah so you open up and express yourself as a man in our society it's the conditioning I don't know if you play sports growing up but for me it was like here's the thing I think anyone can relate to this whether it be on the playground or you know recess in a classroom with other kids playing sports and music whatever it is especially in sports as a guy if you show weakness they say man up don't show pain yeah get back up let's go you got a playwright and I think that is that conditioning and training of the mind of like okay I can't show weakness otherwise I'm not going to fit in I'm not going to play they're gonna keep on me they're gonna make me sound like I'm weak all these things play into the rest of our lives I think it's hard to bring a habit of conditioning for 10 20 30 years and so for me it was really like let's have these conversations first and see if we can bring some peace to our past and not be reactive as men and all human beings when something triggers us you know when someone says something to me here I feel attacked or fell beust not too quickly just defend myself and be this alpha male like I need to dominate and be right and win over you but how could I let it go how can I come from a different place of love or different neutral response so that I put my energy towards my vision and my my own health as opposed to my energy on someone who just cut me off on the road because that's not going to serve humanity let me ask you who were you in high school so if I if I knew you in high school we went to high school together who was Lewis Howes in high school I was just I was like the kid who was just trying to fit in in the sports really you were what you were good athlete no try to I was a varsity athlete of freshman you said something about I was always the youngest athlete but I thought what you said freshman I played varsity sport varsity right basketball they actually said freshman freshman so every was older than the other everyone's older so I'm like just as good if not better than the seniors but I was the rookie so they would make fun of me yeah they pick on me they make fun of me they whatever so I was just trying to like hang out with the upperclassmen at that time you know on the boss rise after practice and so I always had to prove myself it was like I'd to prove myself on the sports field and then I'd to prove myself afterwards that I was mature enough or I could get whatever and it was funny when I was a senior it was like all my friends were gone now and I was the oldest was the first time I felt like okay now I can kind of give back and how do I want to treat the younger classmen as opposed to pick me on them how can I write like you're a senior now yeah and I started like thinking that way and I remember my senior year I tried everything I joined tap dance class I did the school musical I was in choir I was like trying everything I did synchronized swimming you didn't think an ice was like do you have videos of you want to find it because it was off gotta be out it was awesome and I got to find it yeah I'm gonna ask and I remember I was just like I just want to try it all I don't want to be like this jock anymore that just trying to prove himself in sports I want to connect with all all my classmates and learn from the artists the singers so you've been curious for a while this is not a new thing like you you were always fascinated by people my junior senior year I really was like I want to understand did everybody know who you were in high school like were you already the small school like retards okay so I was yeah everyone knew I was it was a tiny school I mean everyone who everyone was sure yeah sure got it interesting so you know I read this book and obviously some of the stats that you have in a mother while while we're talking about this book today what are we dealing with we're dealing with Matt Lauer Charlie Rose Kevin Spacey Lewis Lewis think yeah the comedian then you have all these other CEOs of companies it's not gonna stop it's gonna continue PR amaz over in Harvey Weinstein yep yep you've got domestic violence in the NFL every year where some guy beats his wife in an elevator or whatever every year that happens you've got the the Vegas shootings the racial marches in Strongsville the shootings in a church the bombings all around the world the common denominator is men who are leading the way for all these things yeah and so and here you say the chances of suicide and by the way I don't I don't think enough people are talking about suicide season one in what is it 6-1 7-6 right yeah and and versus women you know the numbers men to women suicide is one is sick which is absolutely astronomical and you know there's more male criminals who are in prison than female who are committing crimes do you think a big part of it because I noticed you talk visit because there's the outlet is it because it's being released versus being held inside because women are willing to talk to someone else I think for I mean from just an uneducated point of view yes and then also what psychologists are saying is yes you know again manner create more heart attacks they're dying younger than women it's like why well when you never express yourself in a healthy form something's gonna manifest in your body or it's going to rage and come out somehow again it's just to show of hands that people out doing my boat tours like men aren't opening up about these things right in general they're not talking about it and you can find a therapist to open up to it doesn't have to be like a group of guys you can find you your wife your your guy friend whatever but I think when we don't talk in general as human beings it doesn't matter man woman or gender nonconforming if we don't express how we're feeling it's gonna manifest in a negative way I would say interesting thing that happened to me so one time I'm flying from a business trip back it's a six-hour flight so I'm gonna lay out that time and I'm flying back probably from a Florida trip and this was a time when I'm building a business at the beginning stages of it probably o8 my wife and I I haven't proposed yet we haven't you know gone to the point where I got married June 26 proposed March of 2009 so on this flight back I have so much pressure on me right from everybody and everybody's looking at Patrick you know he's the decision-maker he's the leader so I grab a notepad on a paper on a plane and I start writing and the system was who have I hurt and who has hurt me and how has that caused mean is there a trend is there a trend with the people is there a trend with who I attract is there a trend all of this stuff right yeah so Louis I'm going through this and all of a sudden I start crying like a little baby so I'm covering my just sitting there writing this and then I come home the reason why I remember this because we moved to a new office and I just found these notes because I had a new safe and I have it in my briefcase and I take it out of my briefcase and I put it on the bookshelf my wife sees it okay so she sees it and she opens it up to see what it is because she sees her name on it and she sees all these other girls and she sees all these up she starts going through it and I'm like Oh Mike's I come home that night come on and she looks at me she says baby I just want to tell you I love you that's great baby I just want say I love you baby you're so amazing to me you're so this year so that I'm like god that's cool I said babe what's prompting this you can't act in very funny and she starts getting emotional you're such an amazing I said babe this is like you crossed the line and she says I feel guilty I feel bad but I'm so glad it happened I said babe what happened she said I read these notes he left it out hey babe did you really read this yes why would you you know and I was furious on why she read this because I had hit it and when we were moving it's unlike you ran through this just as I went through this so that kind of opened up to conversation but for mine wasn't by choice mine was accidental and I cannot tell you what it did to our relationship okay on her and I purely accidental and then after that I as a person running a business a lot of times everybody looks at you as you you know you you're a driver we got 5,000 insurance agents in 49 states so you know what you're doing you got all these decisions the moment I had a crew because I should be part of a group called vistas you may have heard of Vistage YPO these groups that CEOs get together so I find this group these guys are all running about relatively the same business hundred million dollar your business system is the same so we went out and we started talking and one person started talking about their struggles then another guy open up then another guy open up then another guy Louis it became the most rewarding experience for me at that time I can't even explain to you so again going back to this when I read this I went through it so you have all these different masks right if I can say it and maybe we can address it a little bit so you got the stoic mask because every man must be in Baltimore on top emotions are carefully managed and suppressed so stoic could be like you know Marcus Aurelius and some other stuff that the what's-his-name Ryan holiday rides and some of it's from Robert Greene the Athleta dad Lee masks the material masks the sexual mask which was profound the aggressive mask resonates the Joker which was unbelievable when you talk about Robin Williams and what he went through with the world's laughing yet he's not happy crazy right invincible nest and know-it-all mask in the Alpha mask so out of these I have conflicting thoughts when I'm reading this because there's a part of me that sits there and says the following so let me tell you what I'm struggling with I want to hear your views because you're the author so you've no research and it's obviously you have some people with psychologists doctors universities Oklahoma University all the stuff that you've done your proper research here's my struggle with it so I read a book called a hypomanic edge and first-rate madness they talk about the the commonalities of craziness and madness and massive success okay Kennedy's in it you know Clinton's in it Jobs is in it it's just a list of people that you and I know we admire we read about and then I read the way of men which I don't know if you've read the way of men phenomenal book it's written by a author you gotta have the author on your show I think I think you and him will hit it off because the things you write about he talks about how men were built to build a gang so we need to build a gang and it's formatted why we have this need and why we're being deep you know we're being pacified today where men are being shown as being weaker and you shouldn't show strength and every show is about making fun of men because it's more funny to make fun of men today but we can't with make it fun a woman because it's politically not correct to do that and the media is not gonna get you so it's going to affect your business then I read another book called the what is it no more mr. nice guys that there but no more mr. nice guy and then there's another one Samson syndrome this is my challenge with this I hear your story like yours parents got a divorce my parents got a divorce you know older brother all this stuff I was a troubled kid lived in Iran ten years we escaped Iran six weeks after Khomeini dies I live at a refugee camp two years just a terrible situation parents get a divorce comes to the states one point a GP I go to the army the army was my vengeance and my you know place to release and under fers airborne Air Assault then I see a trend and the trend I see is this and this is my struggle with this ok on the one hand I feel bad on one that I sit and I say man what Kevin Spacey's father did to him to his son I don't even want to say it because it's absolutely outrageous would happen that father needs to go to prison for some like that to happen you hear the stories with all of these guys with Ray Lewis when you talk about it with him and his father the whole thing about what was it 20 140 160 181 oh my gosh repeating the patterns yeah it's incredible when it's that takes him to this place and he says here's a man called you know some interesting father yes so then but this is this is a trend that I see I have so many people I know that it grew up in normal kid normal families mama dada merry church-going easygoing parents honey I love you you're the best as soon as I wish I had parents like this you know good brother good mom you know Christina I'm talking to about her family we moved a lot but we don't mind because our family we love them so much my brother so we're gonna sound like dude so you see a trend about absolute mess of a life that is almost a resume to be able to do something great right so you have this conflict and so sometimes you know this struggle becomes do I want to create such a perfectly healthy environment for I got three kids I got two boys on a daughter five for once so you sit there as a parent and you want them to do great things I tell them buddy there's four things we do as a family we lead we respectfully improve we love you got to love everybody because everyone's going through something got to respect everybody because you can learn something from everyone you got to improve because it's the only we can have peace and you've got a lead in every situation even if it's a tough one we don't get bullied we don't bully people every day I tell these kids this right then they're in school again to fight somebody punches him in the face last week what was it was it this week or last week this week this week I get an email on Monday about my oldest five-year-old and I get an email on Monday by my middle son they both knocked out kids and punch them in the face and they had a wonderful weekend their grandpa was in town so you read this and you say okay all this stuff is great but if I try to prevent a touch of menace happening with them what are the chances of these kids being able to fully go out there and have a desire to want to prove a point kind of like you have a willingness to prove a point so I think the biggest the answer I'm really curious the balance I'll give you my eyes I want to hear it I wanna hear what you think because I'll let's say there's a there's a lot of great examples of musicians who died like 27 right young musicians who are like brilliant have these massive careers have changed culture and society advice by what they said you got Robin Williams I don't know how old he was I'm assuming his late 50s or early 60s maybe but died way too young was you know and he made the world laugh but he wasn't able to find peace within himself because there was some darkness I can only imagine I remember not meeting Robin Williams but I walked next to him on a plane one time and I just he was already performing like he was sitting next to someone like telling a joke I just like kind of song for a second walked by and he was like performing and remember his greatest movie for me was not you know the Latin and mrs. Doubtfire was it was a Google hunting I don't remember that movie good well hunting one of my favorite movies scores I can imagine that is actually who Robin Williams was more like sensitive meant or emotional you're saying he was like that his real life I bet he wanted to be more of that I bet he was very philosophical that was so natural let me tell you that was not acting foot for that was him that would say that's how I felt I was like man that was probably really him just got the chills right there like just caring deeply caring for people like wanted to help people but you can imagine like if anytime you would act sensitive and loving and caring and compassionate and thoughtful when people say tell us a joke tell us a joke like make a slap became his identity the world made that it would fit in he probably had to cuz they're always like they weren't accepting him for who he was and he's like oh let me do it impression let me do it joke let me do that let me tell you a story about this and like he was able to fit in again I don't know everything that went down but I can only imagine that might have been the pressure he was facing but he was probably a lot more sensitive and open here's here's what I thought because I realized that there's no way I would have been able to achieve the levels that I did athletically in a business without all the darkness that I went through I can say that for a fact but is it worth it if I'm gonna suffer inside every single day and if there's never anything that brings me inner peace and fulfillment so what I realized is that when I shift my vision instead to improve people wrong and prove the bullies wrong from my childhood prove the kids wrong and took me last proved the girlfriends that broke my heart wrong about me and changing my vision to lifting others up and impacting people and inspiring them through my vision and through my actions opposed to making others wrong and meaning me to be right I realized that my fuel my energy is just as powerful and I I can sleep at night I never was able to sleep at night without like taking a couple hours from me just laying there I was always fidgeting really always really doing whatever from as long ago yes five years old for you every night I would just lay there in bed like it didn't matter how much I worked out that day it was just like I would always lay there your thinking is with you no matter how tired you want just thinking and analyzing and when I hit thirty when I started to go through this process it was like when I can sleep you know I did everything like black out shades I tried it all like the perfect temperature nothing would help me sleep meditation nothing and it wasn't until I started to process my emotions and kind of heal from the past or how just go to bed in like five ten minutes like I ain't gonna lay down and go to bed my temples now bones like maybe I'm thinking a little bit if I'm stole my phone it's gonna take a while but if I'm like just go lay down and relax I go to bed and I wake up rested and I wake up at peace in my heart and that gives me energy throughout the day so I'm not always trying to recover so I think coming from that place of a purposeful vision as opposed to proving people wrong and needing to look good all the time allows me to sleep better and just gives me that fuel to be driven to make an impact and that's the difference for me yes so so for me I I study people I'm fascinated by people I am just so fascinated by people I sit there now just like when I'm reading this I'm curious about you you are fat you're a fascinating human being right so I sit there and I say how was his relationship with his dad was he close with his dad was it close with his mom was there a bad breakup early and then there's a part of him when you sit down you look at like Teddy Roosevelt story this guy gets his first two wives died and his first kid or second first two kids died and then he becomes a president and so again that's the conflicting part about what's the statistics with presidents I think it's like 30 or 40 percent of the presidents lost their dad or the honor something high statistical area high statistical I for me for instance okay I run a Salesforce and I'll tell you no mistakes I made my first two years here's how I ran my first two years you know what we're gonna win I have your back we're gonna do this together I believe in you you're so awesome we're so amazing above and all this stuff I'm gonna protect my guys so and then all of a sudden I said instead of me saying that my approach change and I said Luis what do you want to do but you okay being this person in your life right now if everything and that you kept going like this we're gonna be at 50 you okay with that you have a choice it's a binary okay I'm not okay kind of like when you say sex is binary you know I'm not them so what do you what do you think about that what are your parents gonna why are you okay with that are you happy what makes you happy are you content are you happy so I became more about pulling kind of like maybe Chris lead it with that with you rather than imposing a perfect life because there was a time like for me at mom I get into the financial industry I'm working I'm Morgan Stanley Dean Witter okay day before 9/11 I get started then 9/11 happens the neck stay Monday is 9/10 Tuesday's 9/11 I'm at Morgan Stanley headquarters in New York I'm about to go there for training probably the worst time to become an advisor not a good time to get started okay so then I start sizing myself up I made a group I'm in an office where a guy named Shaq graduated from UCLA the other guys are USC kid Berkeley kid the girl that was takin my position they were hiring for one person she was a UC Berkeley she had a 1560 SAT score in 1996 out of 1600 she did a four-year degree in two and a half years while running the night club in UC Berkeley genius she right now is got a very you know premier position at a large corporation anyways so I'm sitting I'm sizing myself up okay no no I went to Glendale Community College now for w's the guys interviewed me they Kirby he says so Patrick tell me about the universe about the school you went to I said I went to Valley Community College I took a speech class I went to Glendale Community College I got four WS I don't have a 4-year I don't have a two-year he says but I like your military and your sense of humor let me hire that part so it gives me that opportunity but then this place and I hear all these perfect stories my father was a broker my father passed us down like dude you know what I don't relate I'm gonna go back to bodybuilding so for me a part of this and by the way I am Telling You I'm pretty much your agent because I'm telling you right now I everybody parent needs to read this every man every woman everybody needs to read this because I'm sitting there and I'm reading okay so I go to the chapter about humor okay Patrick you like to make people like why are you making people like was there an escape what are you escaping for yeah was escape you're in war you're getting bombed on you gotta have some lightness to it so so then but the other part to me is what if that wouldn't have happened I wouldn't have this humor to be able to work with the people so there is a part where I don't know if it's a destiny thing I don't know what it is is it a part of the formula that's been in Lewes houses being built right now as a guy who hears the greatness guy here's a lovable likeable guy he's been Ellen DeGeneres Show which is the premiere show you want to be on bigger fun he's pretty much reached there but what's next for this guy maybe there's something being built for this guy that he's gonna meet a woman you're with somebody for three years I think the number is three or four years and it's very interesting when you talk about the book for this you were doing the tour while you guys and then you count back together and in the relationship how difficult it is I have to kind of figure out myself because it's yes she has her own fascinating scene maybe something Biggers happen would Lewis house that could happen 20 years from now that if this didn't happen this dude could be leading a hundred million people I definitely believe like everything is happening for a reason because I'm finding a reason out of it all and I just know that's having humor being driven to make money being competitive are not bad things and so for me it's like yeah bring the humor bring the joy make as much money as you want but what's underneath it I love the despite if it's 24/7 I have to always make a joke of something why not that it's right or wrong over company isn't just effective for your future is this like you said is this what you want in 15 years it's gonna help you achieve the life you want yeah and again all these things are not bad I think but they become 24/7 masks of hiding something of who you actually are the things you've been through is you're afraid of people actually seeing you then I think you're robbing other people of your gifts and who you are and I think that's a doing a disservice to your life and to other people around you hundred percent of a line with you on that yeah 100 percent on the line with you on that so check this out so I go to the military I come out I said I'm gonna be body builder I'm gonna be the next Middle Eastern Arnold I'm this I'm this I go into Hollywood I'm gonna be this actor and I'm gonna marry in Kennedy I'm gonna be this guy right okay no dinner for you I married a HUD man I went into insurance financial services that's the route I took and I'm glad the way it worked out but body building to me at that time I mean I had posters in the army of Arnold and Chris Cormier and Coleman and you know all these guys in John Travolta polyester and these news of hope things ahead so I start this business and I start building it and then all of a sudden I grow and make money my dad's working at a 99-cent store and my dad never told me he loves me okay so one day I called him and I said this as a dad their whole life my never he's never told me loves me now by the way he's my best friend the world okay so he's never told me loves me so I said hey Dad I want some things to change in our family he said what's that I said I want to tell you I love you dad he says what do you mean I love you he says okay why are you I know you don't need to tell me this sooner I want you to tell me what is it I'm not telling you you are becoming Americanized this America is getting you I'm not gonna tell you and you meet my dad is like the most lovable guy in the world sir I'm not gonna tell you get out of the house so I leave because we're living together that that when I got at the military so I leave the next day I'm at Bally's and there's to be valleys back in the day summit valleys gym and he calls he says hey your dad's on their line one it's my dad so I pick up the Linus I hate that word son he's pissed they said hey how you doing some dad I'm good I'm I'm working okay everything good yes everything good he says okay I just wanted to call you what's going on there is everything okay no it's everything okay so what's up he says okay I love you bye good legs up so then 30 minutes later I get a call for my sister and she's like hey Dad I think that's not feeling good tell me alone so dad told me he loves me and I said cuz I've been talking to him about this so this man turns into the most emotional guy in my career I've spoken in front of hundreds of thousands of people every time I tell the story about my dad when on stage all this other stuff I get emotional I think it is so needed for us to not mask ourselves so I think this book again going back to it there's a part of me that thinks there are so many things that people are struggling with that needs to come out that you need to face and it's every one of these things you sex was a big part when you talk about Straus the whole black book and being a game and hooking up and all these threesomes and all the things he it's a book everybody's got to read but there's a flip side of it to me I think it's you know you know point for me to say I went through this because I'm being prepared for something I've no idea worse absolutely but the other side is I shouldn't have to hold on to it at all if that's suffering for me was miserable miserable and it happened accidentally a couple times until you get to a point where you're like you know what I kind of like my own company yeah you know and you know when you can go watch a movie at 10 o'clock in the morning with 80 year olds at the theater Social Security tired people and they just send there's an angel my own company's energy dude you got a big following like I said to Christine when we came here to me you're genuine you're sincere you're very easy to follow you're very easy to cheer and root on as somebody that you want to see every time I see you win and there's like this dude needs to win because there are certain people that make the can you know the marketplace and inspire others to want to pursue it you're one of those guys so for me everybody watching this how about we do this Lewis how about I buy ten of these from when we get it sound sure and we put a contest for some of these guys on how they can get it we can do Instagram or something but stay tuned if you are not following him and if you don't know this man you got to follow on Instagram Pitts Lewis house you got to follow the stuff on YouTube podcast as your main platform that and you drive but more than anything else brother thank you so much for taking the time this is gonna bless thanks truly ablution thank you

Channel: Valuetainment

Views: 38,398

Rating: 4.91254 out of 5

Keywords: Entrepreneur, Entrepreneurs, Entrepreneurship, Entrepreneur Motivation, Entrepreneur Advice, Startup Entrepreneurs, valuetainment, patrick bet david, lewis howes, school of greatness, mask of masculinity

Id: l-Jv5sA8gF0

Length: 49min 49sec (2989 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 03 2018