Marriage & Money Ep. 9: Dr. Simone & Cecil Whitmore: Reality TV Saved Our Marriage

[Music] thank you it is the marriage and money podcast with Egypt and Mike yes welcome back guys okay babe so we just realized this morning there were many questions that we've asked each other over the course of our 18 year okay relationship with the one question and I got you on this the one question we have never ever asked each other who is your celebrity crush that's not true we literally never asked me we literally just did that on the game show they had us play for HDTV behind the scenes that was one of the questions so who did you say who was yesterday I said you that's I'm sorry I can't say that part baby who is your real celebrity crush you're not gonna get in trouble I'm dead it can't be me why not for me who was it before you who was it before we were in a relationship yeah um uh I would say probably uh me alone really yeah we've been in Nia Long's presence okay so you had a crush on her the whole time no before you you back I'm dead serious okay let me tell you how this works ladies and gentlemen see for me in my perspective when I found the woman of my life that I knew I wanted to be with forever everything else dissipated the good answer see we so caught up in the way it is that's how it's going to be when it comes to men I can accept that just because you're married doesn't mean like you're dead it doesn't mean that you stop thinking other people are attractive it doesn't mean that you don't like go ham right over a certain person like I I had a celebrity have had or have wait I said house Jamie Foxx and you've been in the presence of Jamie Foxx and interviewed him several times huh no and I never had a crush on Jamie Foxx before I met him in person and interviewed him it was his personality do you know you know because come on like it's not like he was Mars Chestnut you know where he was the rock okay by the way the rock would be my second but baby listen to this I don't have a second it doesn't matter who who we think is attractive what matters is who we're with who we're faithful to right you want my take on that though nope okay yeah go ahead what's your tape here's why I think crutches are dangerous why especially depending on personality personality of the person saying it because for some folks a crush is basically saying this is a person I have no access to but if the moment ever presents itself I am all in no because I have had access to I'm not saying I said the person for somebody in our case not not that okay because I've had access I just have never pursued it why because it's not about who I Crush it's what I'm in love with who I can live without and clean that up clean that up podcast where we do not know everything we don't claim to be experts right but we know some stuff we know thinking too about a thing or two specifically marriage but our next guests have been married for 26 years guys um they are super successful in their own right she is a doctor he is a real estate professional with a background in I.T um just together we're talking Spelman and Morehouse fantabulosity and you can catch them both on Married to Medicine help us welcome Dr Simone and Cecil Whitmore welcome thank you for having me Cecil you got her out the house hey hey you know it's the holiday season so she thought we were going shopping oh oh you didn't know you come hang out with us come on Dr Samara I love shopping okay okay we have a table in the back that you can choose and order some Avon from and she said Avon wow so you don't show your age right now ladies and gentlemen I could have said Mary Kay you could have you could have don't mess around anybody's got that Skin So Soft yes I'm sorry we are not not doing a commercial for products but welcome guys thank you for having us thank you so 34 years you've known each other yes we met each other in 1988 at Spelman and Morehouse nice yep he was my neighbor who hit on who well his roommate hit on me okay and you know I was like I don't really do Neighbors like that no they were literally the room next to yours no we we were in an apartment complex in Austell Georgia called Hunters Grove we were both seniors at Spelman and Morehouse and um one of you all's friends and your roommate met me and my girlfriend y'all were coming up we're standing outside we're chatting they ran outside yeah and they you know they introduced themselves but I wasn't physically attracted to his roommate and then one day we happened to be inside the apartment and I saw Cecil and I was like it's not it's not really what happened okay what's your version 26 years 34 years knowing each other I just found out this year she didn't even remember when we were writing this book and she was trying to tell her story of how we met I was like that ain't how it happened so what's your story excuse me excuse me so how did you meet we were awesome right my apartment off campus was the spot for everybody from Morehouse Clark Morris Brown Spelman everybody come and hang out yeah so we were there playing video games we had our windows open Simone and her girlfriend were walking up and one of my boys was like oh he come these two girls I'm running out he ran out my roommate ran out they started talking to Simone and her friend I can't think of her friend's name Gina Gina yeah Gina and brought him into the apartment we were playing video games and when I saw someone ah she's cool okay hey how y'all doing oh you were not that friendly I was I was halfway friendly but then what we found out is my roommate was like yeah that's my girl I think I'm gonna push up on Simone I said yeah yeah that'd be a good move and so then when I started talking to Simone later I find out that really wasn't what was happening [Music] he was he was bigging himself up like that yeah yeah so I was like you know that one's mine so I was like okay you got it right you got right you got it so y'all connect oh we figured it out but but this has been what a roller coaster for you both and I'm sure because Married to Medicine one of the largest reality TV shows on yes and and correct me if I'm wrong you guys had a scene that is now talked about as like the highest rated most talked about episode in reality TV show history reunion the reunion The Reunion yeah it was it was epic it was epic in a thousand different ways when I did a thousand different ways one you know no one in the cast knew that Simone and I were really at the place we were at okay where we were just about ready to file for divorce okay and Simone announced it at the reunion and just so we filmed a whole season where we were having marital problems kept it on a very superficial level and then once the season wrapped filming there's a gap between the rap and reunion I found for a divorce during that time and announced it during the week announced it on the reunion no one was the wiser did you know she was going to do that had y'all talked about her she was gonna do it but I assumed that it was going to come out now the tricky part is before the reunion you do a little interview with the various magazines and so I guess the Articles before we went on stage and my phone just started blowing up like I mean kids called 30 40 calls the kids didn't know the kids well no my our kids knew we had filed for a divorce but when it hit the media Outlet what's happening so what what really was happening there then I mean with all that history clearly there was love you have two boys you have two boys what broke the relationship stubbornness stubbornness on both parts on both parts absolutely yes and the more he dug his heels in the more I dug my heels in and one day I woke up and uh well it wasn't that dramatic because I told you not to leave out the door and if you left out the door you could not come back through the door that's right and he still left out the door but at the time we had two homes in Atlanta we had a north and a South house and maybe in his mind you would have to tell me what you were thinking I think he thought well I'll leave I'll go to the South house she gonna cool off and it just got hotter and hotter but I just think you know in a relationship things you're going to always have things going on yes but it really comes down to are you willing to discuss are you willing to compromise are you willing to move towards or towards each other and we had gotten to a place where we both had said no we've moved far enough it's your turn to move closer and I think if if you wait for it to come 50 50 you wait for both parties to come right together you'll never get there sometimes sometimes the man has to come 70. and the woman comes 30. sometimes the guy comes 20 and the woman has to come 80. but we had decided it was going to be 50 50 and if we didn't come right there to the middle that was it there was no movement at all that year we were moving but but I wonder then for two people to reach the point where they're now immovable right for two people to say I'm not budging again and him to say I'm not budging again over the years perhaps was there a pattern of something that both of you just said no more I'm wondering what took you over the edge to literally filing for divorce to now bringing it full circle and and you guys have healed and you brought it back together again because I think there's a lesson and a blessing anytime anytime you hear a story like that what was the pattern that folks should you know maybe recognizing their own relationship and nip in the bud before it gets that far I think uh for me personally that thing called pride and ego yes it took over and the more I saw him become stubborn and unwilling to move the more I was like he don't know who he messing with he forgot I'm that beat and so all right and so I think that you know when we convince ourselves especially as Dynamic black women who are outspoken we do well for ourselves type A personality we convince ourselves that we don't have to put up with anything and when you're in a relationship and you love each other and for whatever reason that year I was like I'm out so she said I'm not being chuck-e-ducid pretty much step in here well but you know but you know I'm that dude and so for me I was like well you know you gotta do you I'm gonna do me we're still you know we've been together for all those years so I didn't look at it as like I didn't love her still right it was just like okay I guess we run our course and that's what we tell people all the time you know people are quick to talk about reality TV ruining marriages you can't do it truthfully without reality TV I don't think we make it wow because we had already decided that you know we were done we we've you know we agree we agree that we're going to go ahead and go our separate ways but when we got to the reunion and folks started saying hey have you really thought about this have you tried it are you gonna let the devil come into your marriage and then that's when I was like they fought for us who who specifically what do you each remember was was sort of that moment of aha that someone said what did they say and who said it I don't know that there was a particular aha moment but toy in Eugene Jackie and Curtis were on us separately the women were on me the men were on him separately even leading up to that not all of the cast knew we had filed and so they were shocked but Toya and Jackie they definitely knew and I think for Toya Eugene Jackie Heavenly all of them to really get in our faces and we hadn't had anything in our marriage that was just Earth shattering we did not we had a financial crisis in 2012 because of my electronic electronic billing change in 2012 and financial hardship is big but we made it past that's a huge stressor it was a lot of stress but we made it past that we lost both of Cecil's parents in 2007 we overcame that and those were really literally two of our biggest hurdles in our marriage but again as your aging as you are becoming more stubborn and the money is what they call it right and once you hit a certain age right your hard-headed is stubborn it's not stubborn anymore and the pride and the ego is just climbing up and um because we didn't even really have some devastating thing that cracked us it was just you know both of us not hearing each other anymore yeah so what do you do now to make sure you never get back to that point I go shopping [Laughter] I say Deuces and head on to the mall if the mall is closed shut the door and Shop on my laptop so I'm gonna put myself in some more financial situations go spend some money because right now I don't know what to say to you so I'll be back does that work for you Caesar I I play golf and then I go to my bar and I make drinks okay wait have you guys resigned then I'm really curious because we had another couple on and said divorce is not an option for them they take it off the table if divorce is an option for you you have too many options yes do you feel that this time around now that you've come back literally from the brink do you feel that you're in it to win it um you're gonna wait for me to answer it but yes I feel like divorce is definitely off the table and it's no it's not to say that it never ever ever crosses my mind because marriage is tough and I tell everybody it's on a Continuum and so this day this hour things can be wonderful and then we were having a discussion last night with one of our sons about his grades for this semester something as simple as us not agreeing about the kids and the grades and their Journeys and their mistakes it will it can take you down and out um and Cecil and I you know I told him last night we're not going to discuss that elf right now because we don't want to ruin the holidays with the elf January 2nd we'll we'll bring it back around and have a discussion but it's marriages it is a lot of work all of the time you do not get to check out no uh you've got to be forever present you have to be talking and in my opinion and Cecil has a vastly different opinion than mine but I always believe that when there is a conflict at hand we have to move each of us has to move toward the middle and Cecil and I are just we're so stubborn sometimes they're quiet you're letting her talk come on jump in here so so I don't I mean it sounds great to say divorce is off the table it'll never happen it sounds beautiful but the fact of the matter is is that life happens and so I think anybody that says that they're probably kidding themselves because ultimately when you start talking like that those are the people that later on you come back and be like what happened you know because so you know we're we were writing a book and so we are studying these various people who wrote books so Devin Franklin and Megan good you know talking about relationships and and and sharing how great things are next thing you know they're getting a divorce right then Jana Kramer the the country singer she's married to this football player Michael cash and they had a great book giving out information about relationships divorce is off the table they're divorced and so I just think that it's easy to to paint a beautiful picture that you know we're just gonna love each other we're going to stay together and we and this is my boo but that's just not real and you know Michelle Obama got in trouble because with her book she's telling the real deal about being married about being married and people are like kind of upset like this doesn't sound like a romance but it is that's what a romance is a romance is getting through the tough times is working together it's you know it's the whole better for worse the worst part is what really makes it happen yes it's easy when it's better uh so we're gonna call that agent and cancel the book no we ain't canceling nobody because we never come from a space of trying to say we know it all no we don't okay we are definitely not exercising that's one of the reasons we want to do this podcast is to learn from other people their mistakes their successes and just figuring this out this is 18 years so we're behind you but we everyone we have on the show we learn something else from there's just a lot of wisdom so did you decide not to do the book or are you still in the process we're not going to do the book you're not going to do it it's almost done we're not gonna do the book it's almost done we can't even get along on the title but the thing is is that we are we are worried about we are worried about the Jinx okay there's a jinx there's a book Jinx now you know everybody talks about reality show Jinx but I think there truly is a book Jake it scares me it's good it scares me all the way back too I don't know I don't know if you're a football fan but Doug Williams and his wife were on Essence magazine they were talking about how great their marriage was back when I was younger and I was like oh man doug because you know Doug black quarterback perfect next thing you know they were getting a divorce and I was young at that time and now it's just snowballed in the book after book relationship at person after relationship person but was it Jinx or affair no I just think it happens I think life happens not doing the book Jinx or fear that you're choosing not to do it it isn't really fear for me uh writing the book is time consuming and I have not devoted the time to the book okay now he's finished but that Cecil you tell them you have an idea and he takes it over and he takes off running me not so much okay I can tell you that there is an idea and then you have to push and nudge and wake up let's do it and she's waking up at three in the morning to deliver a baby it is I have not spent the time writing it's really what it boils down to has has reality TV helped your your professional career or do you think has it hindered it at some point I've always wondered that because not your show particularly but on other shows it's kind of ruined reputations and Prospects career-wise somehow I'm Married to Medicine it seems that all of you doctors are doing phenomenal so what would you say to that let me say that I come to reality tv as my authentic self I cuss um I drink vodka and most of my patients even though they don't that's water even though they don't see me in the office uh cussing and drinking and partying I keep it 100 with them and so because I'm so real in the office the majority of my patients who know me who have followed me around this city who have been with me since 1999. they know who I am so they were not seeing anything on TV that shocked them right did I have some patients that lead to leave my practice absolutely I did but I've gained you know so many more patients and the fact is I'm board certified in OB GYN and if you black right now you want a black doctor to take care of you when you look at the maternity the maternity rate what I said maternity rates look can I get a take two yeah when you look at the mortality rate in black women it is astounding it's like that of a third world country yes what do you think then since we have this opportunity and we're here with a good doctor yes what do you think the real problem in the medical industry is and why are our mortality rates that truly of a third world country I think that there are a multitude of problems racism of course being at the top of that uh but when you have a large portion of women who are socioeconomically defunct they don't have access to everything that everybody should have access to medical care that's a problem uh but then we as blacks we come to the table with our own bag of problems we don't trust the medical system and so I'm having to say to a patient listen if I tell you that you need to start blood pressure medication you black on black you got to start the medication but they will leave out there believing that I'm somehow gonna financially benefit from this drug which I'm prescribing I don't have any vested interest in a pharmaceutical company but it is such a the whole ship is is bad and it takes so much to turn the ship around but everybody has to do their part white people have to be more culturally sensitive to our needs listen to us care about us and that's not all that's a big one a lot of a lot of women complain that their doctor just don't believe them they'll come and complain that they have an ailment I mean it's happened to me right we'll complain and they'll tell you make you think it's all in your head not even run tests chase you out the office unfortunately my husband lost his cousin right after she delivered her child newlywed too right after she delivered her child she's going back to the hospital multiple times complaining that she wasn't feeling right and when she went back that last time she was septic and didn't make it wow brand new baby I think you know we there is there's certainly a huge problem with women of color going to the doctor telling their doctor I don't feel right and we know our body I don't feel right something's wrong and not being listened to right and cease was like y'all not listening to me talking about my marriage right now y'all talking about something else that's the problem with y'all women see you soon we're going to change the direction right now let me ask you something because it's Married to Medicine right so they focus on the ladies on the show but that means you have to be involved when the show was presented how did you feel about it and who get did you bring it to him or of course of course it was my idea so nine years later in hindsight of course she's taking all the crap of course and she's also throwing it in my face because when she came to me I was like no I didn't really want to do it you know I was I was still in Corporate America I was working for Coca-Cola and I tried to keep my stuff on the download you know I didn't want people to know what kind of money I had I want people to know where my house was but I knew once we got on TV all that stuff would be out the window right so I didn't really want to do it but I said you know what let's do it it's not going to make it it'll be on one year and we'll be off the show and that's it and nine years later we're still on and she's rubbing in my face she was right you should listen to the good doctor let me ask you if I want to go back to the subject of the Big D it really is water but but what would to take divorce off the table to make you both feel safe in a space to feel renewed in your marriage what would need to happen what would you need to see each of you to say you know what I know that 26 years ago I married the right person there's nobody else because guess what there's not anything else out here it really isn't yeah but what would make each of you say I know I'm married to the right person and this is the one this is the one till the day I die do you want to go first I mean I can go first it's SS easy question that's a softball question I mean I think that even when we were going through divorce I knew I had married the right person I mean you know 25 years at that time um yeah there's there's going to be good times and bad times all of the good times that we had had together from a standpoint of sharing our successes working together when we were running into problems having it having my back when when things looked like they were going in the wrong direction being a great mom for um for my boys and and still being able to to be a doctor and do her thing I mean I I knew I made the right choice and even with us having tough times and even if we had decided to get a divorce it didn't take anything away from our marriage it just was that at that time we had kind of got stuck on something that really didn't really matter once we really talked about it and so I want you to understand that I filed for a divorce in 2017. okay and so that is in our rear and we don't think about divorce we don't talk about divorce but what I would never tell anybody is that oh I my husband would never cheat or my I would never get a divorce I can't say that it would never happen because you would be surprised at the things that pop up uh uh even with friends where you cannot even imagine how they could get through some of the problems that they've encountered um so I never say what could never happen what I know is that I married the right person they'll have at I'm 55 years old now looking like 25. you're right I wish looking like 25. and so that girl he met at 21 is a little bit different yes a little bit different at 55 and there are some needs I have now that I didn't have in my 20s I'm actually more sensitive more needy now and he's used to looking at that b for so long that he doesn't recognize when the softer more sensitive side of me shows up because he he hasn't seen it for 20 plus years did you ever express that to him that I'm not the same person anymore well Mike if we were expressing everything there would be no problem wait that seemed like a jazz [Applause] no but what I'm saying if if we were articulating our feelings on a day-to-day basis and saying and I'll give you example I came in one day from the office Furious horns up smoke coming out fire coming out now and he's like what happened and I'm telling him what happened here we go and I'll be dog if he started grilling me like I was in the courtroom and I'm like dude I don't want to talk anymore so I stormed out and he was like Hey I'm not finished talking I was like I'm done but what I realized was that really I had had such a bad day I didn't need somebody to ask me more questions about the bad day I needed a hug yeah and so it would have been great had I walked in and said hey yo I'm in a funk from you I need a hug but unfortunately the way life is that is not how communication ebb and flows yes yes so so after all those years I let me just understand did you assume that he would recognize I had a hard day no he knew I had a hard day because I told him before I arrived to the house no not that you had a hard day did you assume that he knew what you needed to make you feel better I did not assume it and I didn't even realize that that was what I needed from him until after I blew up at him for asking questions and it was in that moment that I'm like Wow all I really need today is a hug and we I voiced it later that night over a cocktail but it would be nice if you could have that type of um intuition and feeling to come in and say I've had a house I mean I just I mean it would be but that wouldn't be that wouldn't be reality yeah I mean that's just not the way it works I mean and I think that you know guys you know Mike and I we we get hit with you know we don't communicate yeah we don't share were you in our house last week this is common y'all 18 years I've been there and so I know we we talk about that but really it's it's both sides that both parties have to really be willing to communicate that's interesting you point that out because I I do find a commonality not just with my husband but even other members of my family other men in my family where they just tend to clam up and not be as communicative I think for me and for a lot of women the way that you show you care intimacy is not just with the lingerie when the lights are off intimacy is also in conversation and sharing that's a form of intimacy it's it's a form of currency as well um when when you can share your heart you know and what your fears are what your concerns are then together we work on that right and that's our biggest thing did you say that a man is gonna Express out loud what his fears are he has he's gotten better it's gonna show some vulnerable I've been good at it no no no no no because what's your name because it's not about just us it's about that person tuning in too again they're learning some stuff too so you said better it wasn't that I've gotten better it's just that I'm allowing more of it to be expressed right so ain't no Earth gotten better ain't no Earth what she'll do is go babe baby did you see what happened here there was a transference of energy no no we are good anyway look see what started it we're known for this that's what we do we messy all right all right so let's let's do this let's break it full circle there's never enough time let me say that but 26 years of marriage together all of this history there let's talk a bit about money and what your philosophy has been in your marriage as it pertains to it we have had all of our money together every bank account every credit card until 2017. and then we separated out some of the money which I found to be amazing because I can go shopping and don't nobody know what's going on hello [Music] [Laughter] nobody has ever called my life evil but when I tell you there is a sense of Freedom shout to your drop have new meaning she's about to explode over there what are you thinking to you what is the philosophy been and what is work what has worked and then what hasn't worked so what's worked for us is that we've we've been one we've always been a team One bank account yeah One bank account One bank account every name on all joint credit cards and I think you know for us I think we both were on the journey together from the start right we started around the same age so it wasn't a situation where somebody came in with a lot more money and this person didn't have enough we started together Simone was in residency we had two cars and her car went out so then she started driving my car I was catching the train to work and then you know things flipped you know once she once she graduated then she started doing a little bit better than I and I was trying to find a job but she supported me while I was trying to figure it out and we've just been able to do that back and forth and we've looked at it as not mine or yours but ours hours and because we've operated in that manner I think that's made us successful we have friends who have operated a little bit different it's felt separate it's felt like they were not on the same page and we've seen problems with that okay and I'm not saying that that can't work but I'm just saying for us the partnership of someone having your back when things are going to go down because things are going to go down yes they are sure on either side things are going to go down and so to have someone when I left Coca-Cola and now I'm trying to start my real estate business and when you're starting your business it's slow but for someone to have your back and you don't have to worry about like okay you're not gonna they're not gonna you know be all upset that I don't have as much money today as I had last year right that that's what it takes so still you said because you said 2017 that changed though so is it still one account well we have some separate accounts now I just told you that my um freely and I'm trying to figure out what what's going on separate accounts but you still have a joint one yes you still have a joint we still are discussing all the major purchases like I you know I don't go out and buy a car yeah I don't just come home with the car even though I should unpack Cecil are you still sexually attracted to your wife absolutely I'm 100 does he still do it for you he does he does yes he had the best the best legs in the 80s but yeah you know when I watch him uh just get dressed and smelling good and he got his little more house stroll and I'm like wait where you think you gone but yes he will always be um just the whole package for me yeah the whole package okay so I say this to say that this has been it's been a very fun conversation um but eye opening as well probably one of the lowest conversations we've had just just with truth you know you guys recognizing yeah you know what we're not perfect right but who is right we love each other but we got problems right A lot of people do but he's still sexy with his 80s legs I think that alone like that's that's something to just take away and build on and grow on I'm afraid that if anything went left with my husband and I I'm afraid to go back out into the world because I have all my single girlfriends who have just they tell me the nightmares from the online dating to you know finding out something somebody was married you know and got three girlfriends and it's just so much it's out there that for me because we like to end the show and want to go on and want to grow on the one to go on for me is if you have somebody that's worth it then it's worth it to put in the work right yeah um good one that's a good and I'm gonna follow up with that with the grow on is that work and marriage one marriage requires work you literally have to put in work because we put in a hundred percent when we do our careers and our jobs and then we come home and give that person in that household 50 when it requires a hundred percent sometimes even more so put in just the amount put in the same amount of energy you give to everything else and everybody else right so that household in marriage right right so that means that um that I gotta hang from the chandeliers tonight so on that note oh hey hello hey now let me go buy a new chandelier y'all know we just want to have fun thank you so much for joining us guys yes appreciate thank you so much oh Cecil Whitmore you know you can catch them on Married to Medicine and what else do they need to know where else can they find you and your business to contact you uh my business is in Duluth Georgia North perimeter OB GYN and I'm on Instagram as Dr s s Witt yeah you got it guys marriage and money don't forget to watch us on married to real estate on HGTV okay [Music]

Channel: Egypt & Mike

Views: 59,589

Keywords: Egypt Sherrod, Mike Jackson, podcast, vodcast, HGTV, marriage, money, marriage & money, Dr. Simone, Bravo, Bravo TV, Andy Cohen, Cecil Whitmore, doctor, OBGYN, love, black love, Marriage and Money Podcast with Egypt & Mike, conversation, marriage advice, interview, candid conversation, weatlh, generational wealth, wealth building, excellent interviews, divorce, romance, Morehouse, Morehouse College, Spelman, Spelman College

Id: h6yQAakkqrQ

Length: 41min 46sec (2506 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 28 2023