-That's a standing ovation for Marlon Wayans! That's exactly right! -Thank you. -Welcome back to the show. -How much did you pay 'em to do that? -Never. We love you. -You're such a friend. -We love you. -Hey! My man! -Come on. -Congrats, brother. -Come on. -Ahh! Ahh! -A little Academy -- -You little Oscar winner, go on! Academy Award winner. Love, you've changed already. Look. The afro's now slicked back. [ Laughter ] He changed. He's -- Now you're speaking in Eastern standard dialect. "I am a serious performer now. My name now is Amir K. Thompson. Don't call me by my government. It has dignity now. Black Thought, you are -- Tariq, you are no longer Black Thought. You are Negro Contemplation." -Okay... [ Laughter ] -I'm always happy to have you here, because I don't know what you're going to do or say. -I don't know what the hell I'm going to say. -Yeah, I -- but I'm happy that you're here. I'm happy that you're in New York City. We love you here. -Thank you. I love -- love being home. [ Cheers and applause ] -If -- You know, today -- I was gonna ask you -- -Although it's changed a lot. Like, I'll go to my old neighborhood. I was in the -- I grew up in the hood, you know, on 16th Street and 9th Avenue. -Yeah. -And back in the day it was the ghetto. But now everything is all gentrified. All my street cred is gone. I'll be like, "Yo, you know where I'm from? I'm from Chelsea!" They're like, "You talking about the meatpacking district? Get yo' ass outta here." -It's changed now. It's different now, yeah. -So different. -I was -- Today's 4/20. And I was going to ask you, because you've played stoners in a few of your films. -I thought you was going to ask me if I want to light up. I was like, "Alright." -No, yeah. -It's on you, brother. It's on you. -I was going to ask you, does that mean anything to you, 4/20? -Um, it does. Not -- It don't mean as much as it does Snoop Dogg, but -- -Yeah. -He's probably crying. He's taking the month off. -Exactly. Right. -But it means, like, for me, I -- It's fun. I'm just not good at it. Like, some people are good at smoking weed. I'm not. Last time I got high was at a barbecue -- I have allergic reactions to it. I got high at a barbecue at my house, and I thought I was Spider-Man. I was literally going around my house, going, "Pshew!" And I seen the web, and I would jump and stick on the wall. [ Laughter ] And I did this all around my house for, like, four hours. And people was like -- And after that, they was like, "Marlon -- No more weed for Marlon." -People would rather give me rack than weed. That'd be an easier high for me. -They -- You've played -- You've won a Stony Award. -I've won multiple weedhead awards. I'm really good at playing weedheads. I studied them. Here's what happened. -Yeah, tell me. -I'm a method actor, so... -Okay. -Instead of me smoking it -- 'Cause when you smoke, I forget everything I do. It'd be real funny, but I forget what the hell I did. One time I got high and I wrote what I -- I was like, "I'm gonna beat -- I'm-a write myself down -- write down what I did." -Yeah. -And I wrote it down. And I -- It was like my third-grade handwriting. I didn't know -- I couldn't read -- -What you wrote down. -So, I learned, let me get my friends high. I would get big bags of weed, and I would get them high. And I would just watch them... and take notes. And then I -- -They must have loved that. -Yeah. And I did 'em in movies. -They're paranoid enough. -So, I did one of my boys, Shorty. "Scary Movie." -That's right. -He's a real dude, right? And he wanted to sue me. [ Laughter ] He rolled up -- Literally sue me. "Son, I'm suing you for character defecation!" I was like, "First of all, you mean 'defamation.'" "No, son, I said 'defecation' 'cause you [bleep] on me!" [ Laughter ] And I was like -- I was like, "What do you mean?" He was like, "I seened -- I seened -- it's seenedet." Seenedet. The past sense of seened, stupid I seened you do me in that movie, 'Requiem for a Dream.'" I said, "Dude, I didn't do you in 'Requiem for a Dream.' I did you in 'Scary Movie.'" He goes, "Ahh! Snap, son! That's my joint right there! You should have won an Emmy, a Grammy for that." -Should've won a Grammy for that movie. You know, last time, I think we talked about -- or one of the times -- we talked about taking vitamins. 'Cause you always -- you look so young -- -Thank you. -And you take -- you do take good care of yourself. -I take everything. I take -- See, shorty would tell you, "Weed has nutrients." It does. It got vitamins and nutrients. It got vitamins T, C, and H... [ Laughter ] ...and C, B, and D." -Yeah, that's right, yeah. -So, I do -- I do take a lot of vitamins. But I just -- I don't know -- I just -- it took me a long time. I'm just developing weird. Like, I just now got a chest. -You got one this year? -Yeah, it's a weird feeling to actually have a chest. Like, when a woman lays on your chest and it's not, like, she's sliding down off your... It's like she got grip. [ Laughter ] -Sliding down. -Yeah. Now I can finally grow a beard. It's not all -- My beard used to grow like as if someone pushed me in a fire. And it grew crazy, all scraggly. Like, now I'm ready for, like, leading man or stuff like that. I couldn't do that when I was younger. -Yeah, you could -- You always had a good look. I mean, you always had a young face. -I was cute, but, you know, I'm trying to get that -- You know, I gotta -- Feel that, Jimmy. This -- I wear my suits tight now. Come on. -Yeah, you do. Exactly. Don't mess with Marlon Wayans, man. Come on. -I wear my suits tight. -Yeah. I mean, you always look young. Like, do people card you still? -Well, I get carded sometime, and I'm like, "That's cute. Dude, I've been around since the '40s." I'm old as hell. But you know what? I have the exact opposite of -- I'm always going to look young. That's a good thing. -Yep. -There's some people that don't have that. Like, Morgan Freeman has looked old for, like, 60 years. So neither one of us are aging. You know what I mean? [ Laughter ] -He just looks that age. -Only way you can tell Morgan's age is, you gotta count the moles on his face. [ Laughter ] Every mole is an extra year. Let me stop before Morgan Freeman bust my ass. I'm -- -Yeah, he'll kill you, right? Is this -- Your "Microphone Fiend Tour." Congrats. -Yeah. -You're doing stand-up. I love that you're doing this. It kicks off in L.A. at the palace, April 30th. -Yeah. -Netflix is a Joke Fest. -Yes. -Then you go to Tampa, Florida, Biloxi, Mississippi. Look at all these dates. Austin, Texas. Dallas, Texas. -I'm trying to be somebody, Jimmy. -Come on. -It's taken a long time. -Yeah, right. -I've been trying for 49 years. It's -- One of these days it's gonna kick in, and I'm-a be somebody. Me and Morgan Freeman are gonna do buddy action comedies together. -I would love to see that. -It'd be great. -But I love seeing your acting, but I also love seeing you do stand-up. MarlonWayansOfficial.com is where you should go for the tickets so you don't get ripped off by scalpers. -Yes. -But you're also doing another cool thing, which, you know -- I got my start in comedy, so I appreciate what you're doing. It's on HBO tomorrow. -Yes. -It's your second HBO special. HBO Max. It's called "The Headliners." -Yes, it's where I take five of the people that open for me and I open for them, and they're the headliner. So I'm giving -- It's their night for them to be funny as hell. -That's a great -- -Sydney Castillo, Chaunté Wayans, D.C. Ervin, Esau McGraw, and Tony Baker. And it's a really fun night of comedy. -Good for you for doing that and getting their careers kicked off. I love that. That's like -- It's like Rodney Dangerfield type of stuff. -Opening for people -- Nobody understands how hard it is to open for people. As an opener, it's a very hard thing. Like, for me, I opened -- I had my brothers. I opened for them. That was hard. -Was it really? -Yeah, because my brothers are mean and, uh... No, I opened for them -- -Is this Damon? -Damon, Keenen, Shawn, and -- -You opened for all of them? -Jackie, Jermaine. All the Wayans. -Oh, I love Jermaine. Jermaine Wayans. -We went on a tour, right? And so they made me go out first, right? And they're funny. Like, there's rules of engagement. Like -- They'd be like, "Don't run the light, no matter what." They gave me 15 minutes. Get in, get out. I wound up going 17 minutes. My brothers was pissed off. They said, "Don't run the light." And then, so, the next city we went to, each one of them, they said, "You're going to close." I didn't have a closer set. I had an opener set. They said, "you're going to close." Each one of them did an hour before me and then gave me a tired, drunk audience. -Yeah. -And then they was like, "Let that be a lesson to you." I was like, "What?" -That's a great -- -I damn near got booed that night. So, the next night, they was like, "This is funny. We gonna do it again." So they do the same thing. But I had prepared my closer set. -Wow. -And so I went out and I -- I did an hour. And I brought the audience back up and I destroyed. -Yeah. -And then my crazy brother -- This is Damon. "Mm. I'm closing tomorrow." [ Laughter ] -Exactly. Once you learn your lesson, like, "Dude, get out of the way." Exactly. Little brother, yeah. I want to show everyone a clip from your special. Here's Marlon Wayans in "Marlon Wayans Presents: The Headliners." HBO Max. Take a look. -"What are you doing out here, young man?" I was 18. I said, "I'm moving out here to be an actor." He said, "no, you're a Black actor." I was like, "No, I'm an actor." He says, "No, you're a Black actor. And if you gonna be a Black actor in Hollywood, I want you to understand something, young brother. There's no work for you in Hollywood. So if you're going to be a Black actor, I need you to be a writer, a producer... [ Applause ] ...a creator. And then you can create work for your Black actor to work." [ Cheers and applause ] And because of John Singleton, I have written, starred, and produced... [ Cheers and applause ] ...over 21... terrible [bleep] movies. [ Laughter ] -Set 'em up. Marlon Wayans, everybody! "Marlon Wayans Presents: The Headliners" is on HBO Max tomorrow. Go to MarlonWayansOfficial.com for tickets to see Marlon live on tour.
