Mark Kermode reviews "Star Wars: Phantom Menace 3D" (complete version)

Phantom Menace in 3d um right I went to a reviews gonna pick up a bit okay fine so years and years ago we did what you and I working at Radio One okay and ready one had a poll in which they voted the audience voted for their favorite movie of all time and Star Wars won unsurprisingly Star Wars got twice as many votes as these next the number two which was the Godfather okay so it didn't just win it like properly wet landslide victory okay and then there was the announcement that George Lucas was going to make the prequels and we did a competition in which we took a Star Wars fan out to Los Angeles to see Phantom Menace so it was an extraordinary competition and a great prize and whole bunch of folks arrived with their passport and there was just one winner announced and then we sorted it and then we got on the plane we went to LA we went to the extraordinary premiere and the premiere as far as I was concerned was the best possible experience you could have it was in I think it was the Kodak Theatre and the thing I remember about it most was that everyone was trying to judge me up to get me interested because I've never been a Star Wars fan although I think there's a certain charm in the first three movies meaning four five and six as opposed to one two and three and in order to have got Linda Blair on the phone because George egg and to bacon vaguely knew we're gonna have to explain who's the producer of the Radio one program the whole thing was I was passing over it Swift leave now yes he was a friend of hers and so you know that was nice and then when we got there to the cinema William Friedkin was in the audience he was just behind you he was just behind me and that my main memory of the film was two things happened first one was this is that the film is backstory Kerr there are three prequels to the first Star Wars movie okay this is the first of the prequels so it you've got three movies full of backstory that's six hours of film backstory right and the film opens with some backstory it opens with the thing which says in the year of the blinky blonde when the nav wreath on the tax Wars and the trade deficit deficit of okay what's Greek bailing on the titles haven't even started yet and already I'm overwhelmed underwhelmed by backstory and you're telling me that it's going to be a film about taxation yeah and and these are all the words that install will start disappearing yeah into the horizon during the battle BOGO of the face it's like it's like a Europe like some kind of European parlament me and the film hasn't even started yet and then the film began here's a clip I'll feel you cold sir afraid are you no sir see through you we can be mindful of your feelings your thoughts dwell on your mother I miss her afraid to lose her I think hmm what does that got to do with anything here is the path to the dark side fear leads to anger anger leads to hate hate leads to suffering Muppets coming exactly exactly and you know obviously there was that famous thing from clerks you know is that yourself choked is that the third Star Wars movie is Muppets in space anyway so we took this guy and he went in and the first thing happened was William Friedkin fell asleep and snored really loudly the second thing that happened was I thought I can't believe how bad the dialogue how bad the acting is although there is the the podracing sequence there was the processing in Anjar small good yeah but Jar Jar Binks was insurmountable and very soon afterwards a bunch of fans got together and made Star Wars The Phantom Edit in which they basically re-edited the film firstly to take out young Anakin saying yippie which he said quite a lot and secondly to take out Jar Jar Binks and I have I mean I remember thinking Jar Jar Binks was unbelievably annoying and and that the everything was Natalie Portman's weird the use of accents and the whole thing about Amidala and you know the two characters but they're one and what and all this backstory about taxation is literally seems to be a movie that was written by George having done his tax returns and got a bit cross about it is this 3d good so now a statement from George Lucas which says um when we originally made episode 1 we were pushing the boundaries of Technology which was fun and exciting it was an exploration into the unknown we're now going through a new technological revolution that is set to change everything watching a movie in 3d is simply a better way to watch a movie let me read to you again watching and moving in 3d is simply a better way to watch a movie it's like black and white versus color watching a movie in black and white is fine however color makes it look more real yeah you know like when they did Casablanca the colorized version it was so much better and when they took it's a Wonderful Life and colorized it it was so much better yeah you're exactly right George that whole thing that Elvis Costello used to say about watching a black-and-white movie that's been colorized he's like watching a television with you after you've allowed the kids to draw all over the screen in crayons no no that's all wrong you're right George these movies are better in color color but good black and white bet that's why the artist is so much not as good as all the other films that we've seen this week like Jack and Jill Jack and Jill is in color therefore is better than the artist and it has sound there for George no one buys this for a start everyone knows that the reason the Phantom Menace existed the reason the Phantom Menace is now being reissued is monetary you give the game away by starting with a whole thing about tax I mean it begins with a screen about tax but sitting there watching the movie all my old problems about Jar Jar Binks blimey Charlie and you remember all the stuff at the time about whether or not Jar Jar Binks was a racist stereotype none of which actually it's just the most annoying character imaginable did you ever there yeah it's not ever no just imagine what the story is plotting and boring and make sense of the script is terrible the acting is wooden as Ewan McGregor said his main role in that film was to walk into rooms and look up that's what he does he walks into rooms and he looks up okay by the time Darth Maul finally turns up and the double-ended lightsabers come you think thank heaven there is something of the only two things you remember from that film is the podrace and the double-ended lightsaber and that's about it the 3d is terrible and I know they work really hard and I know they spoke to James Cameron's people yet all that stuff believe me I'm not the only one i sat there in a really nice screening room the view cinema in East Lee where they did a lovely job of projecting it and the image was dull and so now when I saw it the first time in what was then the pristine version the best you're ever going to see in my pretty sure it was the Kodak Theatre a Hollywood Boulevard with the greatest star wars fan in the world and we came out of that and he said and you remember this because this has been attributed to me but you'll remember this what did he say about it the guy I don't recall this this is what you're telling me that I remember that I heard from the moment that he said it wasn't terrible but he was clearly heartbroken now imagine that right now crank it down in terms of the all the color loss and light you know light loss and color saturation loss now you're wearing the stupid glasses the 3d is really bad 3d it's retrofitted 3d you remember Clash of the Titans that's what happens when you retrofit 3d and all I could think of all the way through was at least Titanic has got a story at least Titanic 3d is not going to start with a long thing about how the the reason the Titanic hit an iceberg was that somebody was filling out their tax returns when the thing loomed up on the horizon it's believe me it's really liked Phantom Menace before Phantom Menace in 3d is an utter headache because at least before in pristine glowing digital whatever it was every now and then you looked at the detail George it is not true that watching a movie in 3d is simply a better way to watch a movie it's not like it's like black and white versus color watching a movie in black and white is fine however color makes it look more real no George know one thing I was saying George Lucas's defense I interviewed him once and he said I'll be quick he said you know I said I never understood the Star Wars films but what having seen kids play with the toys I do get that and he said well you know what as far as I'm concerned I think that the films exist to create the characters so that kids can play with the toys and make up their own stories I thought it was very honest on the one hand it was him saying I'm not as good a storyteller as the kids are and on the other hand it meant actually the one thing he always gets told is only economic the toys I think he actually did think beyond that that he genuinely did want kids to go and make up their own stories please make up your own stories with your toys at home in 3d they will be better than this just one point from John Armstrong and then we'll do the travel from honor in just a moment and if John Armstrong where he'd probably say yeah although that is another bigger point okay okay he says the thing he really objects to is the decision to release the Star Wars movies in really in chronological order rather than the order in which they were made does Lucas don't realize that for many children it may be the first time that they've seen a Star Wars movie and if you show them the films chronologically then they will not know the enormous twist at the end of Empire Strikes Back when Darth Vader I'm doing my best to avoid giving away the plot says John he's a sledge he's but exactly turns out he's a ghost but that's that's the whole thing first-timers will simply think yeah I know I've seen Revenge of the Sith that's so that huge twist of the most famous twist in this whole sequence not exactly John McNally and Egham I'm a huge Star Wars fan was really looking forward to this 3d version not being averse to 3d like some people in capital letters utter utter utter waste of time simply just a crude and vulgar money-making exercise I want my money back yep

Channel: Kevin Boyd

Views: 173,949

Keywords: Star Wars, mark kermode, 3d, hello to jason isaacs, simon mayo, Review

Id: VPK72FB9ycs

Length: 9min 52sec (592 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 12 2012