[MUSIC] Most of us, when we think about
negotiation, have already started putting on the battle
armor. We see it as a battle, and we see the
battle being, how can I get things from you that you
don't wanna give me, and how can I keep you from getting things
that I don't want you to have? There are, of course, negotiations like
that, but most of the social interactions that we engage in, where negotiation is an
opportunity, are not like that. But if we bring that perspective, that
filter, to the table we create an adversarial
interaction. [MUSIC] So in contrast, we suggest that you move from this battle
mentality to one of fluency. And what I mean by fluency is, is that you
move to thinking about well, what am I trying to achieve in this
negotiation? And what are the strategies and tactics
that will help me meet that goal? And what that means is, is that sometimes
while you might have a situation that is a negotiation, you're gonna be so much
better off if you engage not in a battle, but in a collaborative, problem-solving
endeavor. Now, not just any problem-solving, so it's
not just any solution, and I think that's really important to
understand. There are particular type of solutions
that we suggest you focus, and that, that focus is, I want a solution
that makes me better off than I would have been with my status quo,
or with my alternative. So, it's gotta be superior to my status
quo, superior to my alternatives, and because negotiation is an interdependent
process, there is no commanding control in
negotiation. I can't say, you will accept that. I've also got to find a solution that not
only makes me better off, but from my counterpart's perspective, allows
them to be whole or perhaps better off, because they have to willingly agree for a
negotiation agreement to occur. [MUSIC] People will tell you what is hard for
them. They will tell you what is easy for them. But what most people do in negotiations, you're so caught up in trying your own
perspective in figuring out, how am I gonna force this issue, but you
don't listen to what they have to say. And because this is about influence, I
mean seriously, when was the last time you could have any
command and control? True command and control. It doesn't matter where you are in the
hierarchy. The CEO doesn't really have command and
control. They can say do this. Parents don't have command and control. They can say do this and the kids are
like, maybe, maybe not. So are employees. So, what I've gotta be able to do is
influence people in directions, which means I need to understand what
their interests are, and I need to understand what motivates them. And those are the kinds of questions that
I would ask in the negotiation, but it's also the kinds of questions I would
try to answer before the negotiation. [MUSIC] If you wanna put successful negotiators
and less successful negotiators into two camps, one of the thing that will probably
help you figure out which camp people belong in is the quality of their
preparation. It is probably the single most important factor that you can control in a
negotiation, how prepared are you? Most negotiators are woefully
underprepared. Too many of us are confident that we can
just flow with it, that we'll figure it out, because it's
very simple. I don't want you to have whatever it is
you want, and I want whatever it is you don't want me to
have. Negotiation is so much more complex and so much more powerful than those simple
metrics of a pitched battle. Planning and preparation can help you
figure out, what are some creative proposals that you
might make to your counterpart? Based upon the unique information that you
have and based on your understanding of your counterpart, that might open up new
solutions that alone, neither one of you could have implemented. [MUSIC]
