Manifesto Radio Ep 01 - Guest: Conejo

[Music] so welcome uh this is uh the fir you're my first guest this is a this is a weird project that we've had uh in the in the wings for a while now um specifically about conversations with people that uh i've met along the way or that have found me in a way is what this uh conversation is going to be these series of conversations are going to be kind of about uh you know connecto thank you for coming on i know i know it's a and it was a trip for you getting here and uh and sitting down with me this is not the first time we meet you know we talked a bit before you know so before we go into that uh like who are you like can you can you talk to us about like who you are where am i now yeah who we're gonna talk about where you who you were you know like but who are you now right now i just i feel like i'm i'm a father you know i'm a family man and that's why i am now right now as you said that i i um i remember running running away from my house as a kid yeah like grabbing nostra and just throw them in a backpack and running away and and now that i think about it i've always been running yeah i've always been running and and and it got to a point in my life where i ran for reals like when i when i asked you like who you are now did it just dawn on you that you may not be running as much as you did before yeah was that what gave you a boss yeah i feel like um i like who i am now yeah well i mean it has taken a lot for you to get where you are right now so hope yeah man um when uh when you talk about being a father you know uh man you know like i'm one too so i i can i can feel you when you say like i'm a father now that's a that's a prime directive for for us as a motivator you know um what uh it's a game changer when you when you have a child it's a game changer like um and you know it's when my first daughter um i had her as a fugitive that's here you were on the run when you yeah when she had when she came into your life yeah i know maybe like five six months in the mother was like here's your baby i'm out so i was on the run with that child you know so basically you got all the responsibility on top of the responsibility of keeping yourself safe safe free and um it was a beautiful thing you know because i feel like in my weakest moments i could turn around and look at that child and it was all love and it gave me that warm feeling and it gave me hope i think so that that's a motivator now that's where you are right now yeah can you talk about us i mean your music i mean i think that has been a vehicle that has led you to hear right so tell us a little bit about your music and and you know you're i mean you have a long career i mean i remember just listening to you in the past and like seeing your transformation from being out there living the life that you were thinking about not like you know i mean there's no doubt about that yeah and then now uh expressing something different now can you tell us a bit about that well um you know what like about i've been doing it for like a month two months now i've been like you know i hooked up with a publishing company and i've been looking at my songs and like the the titles and everything i was doing i never i record so much that i don't it's like i don't listen to conejo yeah i just do conejo and then i don't listen to him yeah and it's easy so for you like your rap persona is it like is it basically a mask or a character that you kind of created for yourself i think i think i did i think it took a lot to make him you know yeah that was a villain super villain and um and um i remember from last time when we were talking we're talking about ghosts the fantasmas and all these things like that right so i'm doing this publishing these getting these songs ready to you know to get them linked up with bmi and i'm looking at my song titles and i got songs that are like ghost man you know um the ghost of ceo win i have an album called ghost town and i was like oh [ __ ] that's crazy is it i'm just like looking at these song titles and i was just like it's it's it's death basically like what got like a like a frame and or like a subject matter that basically has been going on over and over again and a lot of music you've been creating basically it has it has and and it's weird because because i want to live yeah you know i want to live so bad i don't want nothing to get in the way of it but for some reason the subject matter is always that so what what got you what you started in the music and the music i mean was it was it just you you know can you like let's let's start from the beginning like where where where where are you from like where were you born i was born in los angeles um my parents they were like they didn't have no money and um like my mom was ready to go and my dad ran into these nuns in l.a yeah and and i need help and they're like bring it bring her and bring her by so they went to this this hospital it's like a nun hospital it's called the queen of angels hospital yeah and that's where they film freddy krueger like the you know he's like in the bottom in the boiler room or whatever that's that hospital wow so i was born right there and um basically i you know i started um rapping in the 80s as a kid i listened to all all hip-hop yeah whatever was coming out i was listening to it whether it was from the east coast the west coast the midwest it didn't matter we were just into like the music but then um you know the crack era came yeah and then that that they ate people just just gotten to start eating people like zombies basically and then um right away the violence came with it yeah so i mean and meth is a stimulant right so yeah cocaine and math will make people do [ __ ] yeah yeah it's a different drug i remember um there's a there's a tunnel that that goes under the the ten freeway it's the street is called butlan and i remember i was a kid and we were always you know they throw their couches there they're they're old dirty mattresses they throw all these things there you know anything refrigerators and as a kid we would go through there and just want to break things and things like that right and and i remember um there was a bunch of boxes and then we opened these boxes and it was like thousands of crack pipes just there like new glass pipes or yeah yeah glass pipes so i'm like i didn't know what they were i was just like hey look at this break it we start crushing them and breaking them but we're just like now that i think about it i'm like they put those someone put those there yeah there was no those those were like for somebody right you know it's like it's just strange you know like yesterday i mean if somebody you know somebody hid those there so if somebody walked in on you doing that [ __ ] maybe you're gonna you were gonna get in some [ __ ] right back then yep yes there and these were the days where we had like clubhouses on the side of the freeway you know and we had magazines like the you're not the ones you're not supposed to have yeah we just hang out there and and then like the gang thing started becoming prevalent because i remember being a kid i was a skater i was a stoner i had long hair you know like any kid that's how you grow up and that's how i grew up yeah it wasn't different i don't remember it being ugly i remember having fun and then that your normal was your normal so you you know anything else yeah and then i grew up by usc college so we would go pool hopping we'll go in these apartments and go swimming and then you know go to the next one and next one and then but then when the gang thing came in i was was rapping you know i was just making songs backyard boogie stuff you know yeah yeah yesterday so once i i went that way it was like oh let me write a quick little verse about the fellas he so you started you started writing and singing about the people yeah my environment and and it's strange because i remember there was this this gang that we were all right with these girls will come down right and she was like hey my boyfriend has a record label call him and i was like oh [ __ ] it was a little card with a little b boy on it whatever i called the dude and um this dude was from 18th street he was my enemy you know but this was some hip-hop [ __ ] so he's like come down rap for me i go over there and i rap for this dude that recorded me on a tape deck yesterday and that started everything you know yeah and to this day he's my friend that's the weird it's weird it's a weird thing and it's crazy because his name they call him chino but actually he's korean and colombian but for mexicans you know all ages you know from mexico too when you look back on some of those early songs are they are they like memories are they like uh they're like a snapshot of the environment yeah yeah do you like would you sing about people they're not here anymore yeah well some of the ghosts that you talk about you know what in in in 91 they killed 17 of my friends that year so i was just i was just making songs and how how old were you in 91 i think in 91 i was like 16. i was like 16 and um i just i remember going to a lot of funerals and these funerals were like a celebration of death because yeah a couple people will be crying a little music everybody else was just like laughing pounding and then it was like get back as soon as it was done yeah back back to it again yeah and we would just no no no time for processing no time for no no time for uh nah yes they and that's it it just kept on going and i feel like like i would always almost hit rock bottom but the music would save me every time was it was was it pulling you out of uh you know basically was it giving you an outlet for some of the [ __ ] you had inside you yeah it was and and plus when we would go to the studio it was like it was it was in the loft area downtown so it was like a little getaway so yeah yeah we could escape escape just do that for a bit and then come back and then come back with the new cassettes and give everybody cassettes did it give you an excuse basically to kind of start figuring out how to get out of it in a way or i think it i think it did but but i was like one foot in one foot out i couldn't i couldn't because you couldn't commit you couldn't commit the whole thing no i couldn't what what kept you what kept you from doing uh getting both feet out what was what was holding you there well you know what it is i think that that just hanging out on the street is like a drug it's addicting and and i think that when i think back in those those days when i'll be hanging out on the corner it's the freest i've ever been i was like an eagle i was free yeah i was on the corner it was dangerous but i was free the dangerous freedom is one i want to like to describe mexico as and or any place like that that risky place like that where you have you know i am you know i this in this area i know the normal i'm part of the normal i own the normal and you know we'll do a party here the six in the morning the cops are going to show up that's what's going to happen you know this is going on la is pretty you know making yeah yeah so yeah i get the i get the need and or kind of like the you know i had some of that when i was working you know i would go out and get go missing for months and my family wouldn't know [ __ ] about me you know just working and the whole aspect of it you have to leave it up again like [ __ ] peter pan and never never land [ __ ] you know i get that aspect of it you go from living that life and having the music kind of paired you know just no direction or do you did you have some sort of direction like where were you going with that i think everybody's dreaming those days was to get a record deal but then i see that i wasn't getting getting one so i was just like almost like depressed about it and i'll be like man [ __ ] that i'm just go it's not is that it wasn't happening for you so you're like getting really frustrated yeah and then i just go right back out to the street and and just act out in the street and um and it gave me i don't know just the streets always giving me content yeah like these turbulent areas have always given me content i mean i've been good at that so you you go from being really upset i'm not not getting opportunities in the music scene you go back to the street and it gives you [ __ ] material of course yeah because you're [ __ ] living that [ __ ] you're not just thinking about it and then it pushes you back to continue on the meeting and then my friends like it you know my friends over there like they're over there like smoking primos you know like weed with cocaine and and they're just like and hearing my songs and it i could see how it's like it's like um it's becoming part of them too yeah it's it's starting to like i mean you did you did you get a moment where you would see them hear your music without you there and you were like yeah yeah yeah i remember that um there was a situation once where we we got invited to this football game where it was all florence versus all watts all the gangs from watts versus all the gangs from florence and we're there at this park right and um all of a sudden the car pulls up bumping and it's my music i tripped i don't know i mean i had cousins from florence that's why yeah but it still tripped me out yeah [ __ ] that's me that's me [ __ ] thinking and that's been the story it's just been like so you're living this life where you're half in half out what happens like what what changed what detonated you believing that i feel that what changed everything was like like i said it like the like the environment possesses you yeah and you get to the point where you're like you've been there so much that you're like let me show you how i how i do it how i learned this and and you know like people are dying all the time there's new faces coming in and out in and out in and out and um you know you you step you eventually you're the one that steps up you you've been watching people step up but now you step up and that's when it goes all bad because you you just like laser focus on the negative yeah and and there's nothing that's going to change you so basically you started assuming a leadership position somewhere where you were out there and you're like did you get into a position like that basically i just felt like um i was in a i was in a position where where like i would take things into my own hands yeah like watch out let me show you yeah just like someone did to me at one point you know and then um like i said people are dying new faces coming in and out we're playing this game with the law enforcement so now what was your interaction with law enforcement there like i mean imagine was it i mean you know where you know what was your what was it what was your relationship with the police there like were they harassing you a lot were they just well and in those days they were the what they call the crash crash units crash units and they were like they were just active they would they would mobilize like a gang themselves you know he and just the way their behavior you know like they were they were they were dirty but like uh i mean did you feel discrimination you know all that [ __ ] i guess the thing is okay when mexicans like we're always like like we just we just deal with [ __ ] and that's it yeah i didn't feel like yeah i was like [ __ ] in mix i don't know and all that [ __ ] [ __ ] up lapd and all that but it was part of the game you know yeah counting out it's so it it came with it so it's like no no no no it was out of the ordinary yeah you know they will abuse their authority but we were doing the same [ __ ] too you know yeah so we're we're abusing the community they're abusing their authority we're abusing from the community he i don't know i just i never took it that person with him you know so you know you're there you're stepping up now you're you're you're not only documenting through your music uh but you're also actively uh doing things that are you later on in the document uh what happens what happens that makes all that kind of stop for you like there was a was there a pause for that when you had to just [ __ ] leave everything well not really something happened but then yeah the call came through and it was like i was out yeah and and i remember um crossing that one i didn't cross right away but i eventually crossed and i remember it was nighttime and i remember like coming through and and seeing all the lights on the losers yeah so you have to leave everything elite did you leave everything or did you [ __ ] have a abuelita yeah yeah it's funny because i was training kenpo right that was important to you yeah so i took it with me you took that key with you and then um i think i had like a purple belt or a blue belt i'm not sure yeah yesterday i took it with me he and it's crazy because where i landed in jalisco so you so you you left l.a i left l.a bailed vehicle would be a car imagine did you [ __ ] drive yeah someone drove me in cool cross into you and cross into tijuana yeah [ __ ] narnia tijuana you know the smell tijuana you just crossed and it's crazy because like you know like um let's just say memorial day weekend spring break and all that yeah i can't remember yeah ben almost deep like we'll come all my homeboys will come like 50 deep yeah you know we'll go to rosarito it was a we've come to party but like gang fights yeah if you if you didn't come like more than 30 nice some [ __ ] that's gonna happen to you you know yeah so we will come deep it'll but we would let's go home yeah this is different you're crossing in you can't you don't you don't you don't you did you did you have a concept of when you would probably go back you know what honestly my friend told me hey let's just go over there i remember he we're in l.a we're hiding out in these apartments and he's like let's go over there you know we could um we could get paid for being you know yeah yeah we could get paid to to so if we could get paid to um to work yeah do what we do anyways a lot there's uh tijuana has a long history of people coming from the us that are involved in activities then you know oh we can do that down there too so if i can go down there and you know the flip side they would work down here and they would hide in the u.s you know like you know late 90s early 2000s you know like logan people they would come here and work here see cross no idea when you're coming back you're just like mexico now yeah right i make it all the way to jalisco jalisco like jalisco like you're talking about early 2000s did you it wasn't that crazy but i remember okay i i was i seen my uncle over there you know and i remember we went to go see um what's his name elizalde valentine we want to go see a couple bands right yeah and i got drunk with my uncles two of my uncles right him if we told cowboy and i was drunk with them you know and these are my mom's brothers and uh my uncle tells me he's like so you got to watch out all that [ __ ] it's not going to work over here and so and he told me but it didn't like compute until like like 30 days later things started happening you know things started happening and i just they started you started how people get pre you know i can get god down there basically yeah and um so i just and then i started moving around then i was here and i was there like my family they're all like agricultures there's no drug dealers in my family yeah so you would so basically when you you would when you came down here you were kind of like focusing on jumping from family unit to family you know down here people that you knew basically well my friend that i came with yeah his family's in the game oh okay so he was like i'm gonna don't worry i'm gonna get something going for us and um and we're gonna be all right yeah hey he'll tell me a rabbit and i'm like what's up and he's like this is home and i'll be like hell no i didn't want to accept it yeah that this was home you know yeah he was a young lady every friday saturday brand new shoes brand new clothes every week looking fresh yeah guys started looking go to slap me yeah i started looking dusty [Music] i was just starting to look dusty yesterday it's a change it's a change it's definitely a change and also specifically i mean you're you're running yeah like even that panic i was still that that was fresh so i was paranoid and and um like uh what would you do like what would you do to keep yourself from you know being seen like switch phones and [ __ ] wear a hat and [ __ ] ninja like how would you move around would you would you would you fly no at first when i was in jalisco i was in one town right yeah and i was just walking around yesterday i met with tabamas because i had a superstar monte carlo in l.a and over here i'm [ __ ] walking they had a book about the town it was weird and i remember i opened it on one page they had a kenpo school yeah so i told one of my uncles on my dad's side i'm like hey where's this [ __ ] at oh yeah and then i went i showed up with that ghee yeah and i was like hey no ponte narco they were like come on in and they're making me go head up with all the biggest they want to see let's see where you're at yes they and and i got close with them you know i ended up like getting real close with them and i just started training and i remember i would like on the way there i [ __ ] smoke some weed i'd be [ __ ] hot so how like a well a weed head question yeah how was the weed back then compared to the wheat in california that would you get well weed was just getting wrecked real good in california yeah but but right here in jalisco yes these big ass junk yeah in in like a like a market bag right but it'd be like nice i guess that's what they call verde limon yeah yeah but it was nice nice weed you know he was so i would always just be smoking yeah garb like back then guarantee wanna garbage weed yeah garbage wait you know he and you know i just started like um i started training electro metro i had some cousins right yayos when you turn 18 you got to go to the you got to do your service right military service there is something you don't have to do so i was going to go into the to the millet i'm like man i can hide in there with them yeah i'll just turn into a military get get some training real quick because you know it's cardio you do some cardio basically cardio and enforce the starvation basically yeah it was you know i was like i'll do that but then i i i couldn't i didn't have all my documents and it's not as easy as he was thinking yeah it's not it's not the french portal agent yeah yesterday and then um then one day i got a call it was my my boy and he was like hey aichamba i'll tell you when i get over there and he came and i was like ah [ __ ] that's crazy for reals like that yeah see me on that because you know here i'm i'm on the run for this yeah but i gotta do this because the plan was to like do a bunch of this yeah to get enough money to go back to l.a and pay a lawyer and fight my case that's i mean it's a plan it's a plan it's a plan it's not the best one man this is a plan but and then everything started changing up you know yeah that's the plan but a little you know there's curveballs coming at you yeah yesterday and then um we end up in tj again you get a call you're ghana training kenpo yeah you're [ __ ] smoking some sweethearts uh we from the mountains yeah i'm over here you're like settling a little bit you know not accepting but settling part of the payment was like hey you guys could get one of the mansions foreign it was too big for me yeah he and i didn't like my family we would always go to mexico every year right every year for like a month or three weeks yeah but now this was like real guadalajara like oh [ __ ] yeah this is my vacation well yeah this is like right here so when they said you guys want to go to the border i was like yeah to me tj was like la it's the closest thing la the the culture everybody knows english yesterday we we got here we got here to a trade podromo we get a house tony montana yeah yeah yeah but you know what grass is like this big we start fixing it all up the us steals all of our gardeners and pool cleaners that's why that's why it's [ __ ] crazy yeah and then how many like how many of you were living in this [ __ ] house like it was like two of us and then we had all these like visitors coming all the time right it's like a big there's like a long ass sleepover basically yeah yes look at pizza boxes and [ __ ] like that yeah all that [ __ ] what happened was that house was hot it was burned the guy set you up there was like set you up in this [ __ ] burn savings i just got killed his wife set us up type [ __ ] was she was she charging you for being there no no no she was like oh stay in this house yeah she was like established like you have a basically a [ __ ] safe house yeah yeah that's what it is but tv screens somebody rings the [ __ ] doorbell you go no you go off nothing but fugitives stay in this house so i decide to go man i'm gonna go salute and they're not in the they're not at the door no more they're in a in a chevy malibu and i'm not even knowing i'm talking to them i'm over there talking to them and they're like hey they leave right they peel out on me they were rude so like about three weeks later which is yeah that's probably yeah like three weeks later on it was like a sedan like a four-door sedan yeah like you just wanted at the other like the altimeter so the san diego auctions that you have and they bring them here to try and repair them and sell them chocolates yes there so he comes with it has pizza pizza yeah for days we'll be inside the house like at night we have quads radio station yeah yeah it was just the t-mobile so we could use the t-mobile's front they would work it would catch the same one from san diego we couldn't make our phone calls and in those days was that we had booths radios and all that right yeah so when we pull out as soon as we make a right i notice i was like what the [ __ ] was that i don't know if it was a binoculars with a big lens right so they come right behind us on the explorer i go around the little glorietas no what year was this i must say this was like 2003 2002 maybe yeah there's no [ __ ] cops running around and uh explorers yeah yes so they're following us i call them for backup i'm like hey we got tail how you know i'm like man this shit's obvious because those ways we make a ride they make it right we make a live they make you know yes no no they on us right and they're like all right kill time go slow man we come down they were on the top of the hill by the radio station too yeah soybean and me boy so they're going to me boys like i'ma punch it i'm a punch i'm like no wait no way yes there so we come out on that little street it's the way he punches him he punches straight away pinches lights in the grille i'm like oh [ __ ] and i'm like i call my boy we're about to go right there right now isales and get off on yeah just get off on them and he's like you know because everybody's calling you know yeah yes and when we got close i mean almost a garage closed so i'm like [ __ ] so we had to go and we're going is como grante vado right we're in the sidewalk crashing cars out of the way maybe somewhere around the maybe even three i don't know yesterday i got you and my boy that's driving he's like why are you getting down i'm like i said wait he's out the window with a big ass rifle pinches scopes right so and i tell him like hey let's just split it up you go your way and i go you know the tip on that bullet is probably like that big you know yeah it's going to blow our [ __ ] limbs off if it hits us it's going to blow some [ __ ] off legs whatever we're better off like yeah i want to split it you know two targets are harder than one yeah no no no no let's get this um let's give up and i'm like i remember telling him now i got [ __ ] to do i don't know what i had to do but i tell him like i mean yeah yeah you cannot die yeah i mean i tell you if you ever got another car that type of vehicle that says fbi on it those [ __ ] are gonna make you disappear i don't think they were cops somebody said fbi and and they're calling back like the fbi can't roll in the u.s no way so i mean in mexico right at the casino we pull over people i can't mean tactical right yes not like the u.s like driver with your left hand get the keys out hell [Music] but when that happened he told him to put the guns down and they had a standoff we took off yeah we could we could hear the helicopter coming we could hear the cops coming and as we're going we get out of there you know and we make our way back up to the porque posada but uh his mom depa we dumped the car in one of those depos up there by the radio stations yeah they picked us up yesterday then um at the end of the night we had nowhere to go so we had to go back to the house yeah so we go back to this house right you don't know if it's burned or not you don't know if it's been waiting for you there that was important right and there was this girl that would go over there right now chicago that had the case i mean the little container with her name on it i don't know what the [ __ ] she was taking thorazine i don't know what the [ __ ] yesterday i don't know your [ __ ] [ __ ] skittles stripped down maybe take a dip cold ass water mess aliyah smoke a blunt this was just a wonky or adrenaline down yeah like i was just like real hyper aware it was too much i almost had like overload i mean it sounds like you were having a insane panic attack a whatever we have around speaker right basically called a witch yeah we called the witch a witch in west covina to verify these [ __ ] because they're trying to just yeah pick you up or don't know is she like she's like they're gonna wait to you guys are tired and they're gonna come over the one they're gonna kill you guys us we huddle up and we're like [ __ ] it when they come over the wall not and we're gonna tell them we want a job that was our plan that was plan b plan b was yeah she's like she's dead and she's dead on and she's like not gray ford f-150 there's a grave 1450 out there right so we end up opening the garage and we're like [ __ ] let's just end this [ __ ] roll it let's go so we go out we flank it one guy up the middle and then you'll put another ladder and as we run up on it we're about to i know enough about the area to know exactly where that might have been so yeah there's a lot of movement there's like armored vehicles from the consulate people there yeah like that's a lot of [ __ ] going on there so so we go back in the house plus nine thousand everybody's just like ah all night the screens next day in the morning they pick us up hotel we get a room right yeah yeah we're broke so when you're broke nobody gets along everybody wanted to fight each other every day [ __ ] you know everybody will call each other out or we'll go play basketball yeah check stress so we're in this hotel room and um we're in this hotel room in establando everybody's just quiet just [ __ ] looking at each other looking at each other you see well man i'm out of here i'm gonna go down i'll be in a little bar right there quinta mars bar i'm like [ __ ] what are you drinking some kind of whatever beer was i don't know if it was a dos equisome uh what's this other one i don't know how much yeah i love boy that's like my beer my hair that's like when i used to drink man that was my point i used to eat drink eight of those and just pass the [ __ ] out you know yesterday we decided to go to papa's and beer and in the midst of all this [ __ ] we're like this is like the most popular [ __ ] hangout for americans in rosarito and you're a fugitive and you've just been through some [ __ ] let's go let's go next thing you know i blacked out i'm on the boulevard on the side of the wagon throwing up throwing up next thing you know we're in one of those old school wynas them taxis yeah yeah the vans the long way yeah like a long station wagon yeah yeah where the where the seat then the back is looking like that looking backwards like your [ __ ] tail gunner on that [ __ ] thing yeah yeah so we're in the back vamos perez the station wings that had the seat to the back which was completely [ __ ] not safe yeah that's how you get [ __ ] ram and dead yeah next day is checkout time right so um it's checked out time so we're like damn we don't got nowhere to go so we call a taxi like what type of like what type of [ __ ] you have like a hair horse and [ __ ] like all that shotgun no no no like you know um assault rifles several different guys hunting rifles like he thought we had a bodies like like a heavy [ __ ] roll of of of kugeta yeah and this guy's like like what the [ __ ] are you putting in the back of the car yeah you know so he takes us back to the same house in the bottom right we get there and the same thomas those empanicados everybody's wearing the vest went to the auction he came looking for his car right i'll be back in a few days he said by the way he gave me a hundred dollar bill he said way he made a little list so everybody's like i apologize you know some white shirts and he's like all right he takes everybody's little super yeah so we're in the house me and another friend of mine right all of a sudden like an hour later soil el cherp el el bus goes off and he's like hey get out of the house the fbi is and that [ __ ] sounded like that [ __ ] was with like a mega horn like it was so quiet yeah and we're like what the [ __ ] and then he trips it again get out get out i guess they're tackling this fool when they crossed over and carrillo sabian they already had reported it so when they they were getting ready to cross they rushed the car so they were in the u.s no no they weren't they were in the line oh they were in the line of cross in the u.s but before they did oh they got they got swarmed so like hey they're on to us [ __ ] leave so you want to chirp it yeah guys yo i changed my voice what's up who's right there is i'm like hey who's this and she's like you know who this is [ __ ] we're going crazy because we have no we have motorcycles we have quads we don't have no vehicle to get out of there we're going to [ __ ] escape on a quad with all the [ __ ] back yeah and she was like i said you guys got like 30 seconds get a toothbrush let's go and she she didn't talk to us she when she took us to the east side of tj [Laughter] she we pulled up to this hotel right yeah he pinched it wasn't the pair it wasn't parallel cracked you know fools walking down the street with a [ __ ] fridge on his shoulder like just crackheads you know and prostitutes and all that yeah yeah he until we got our resources together but i mean this is that was tj yeah i knew what it was about your what was going on uh tijuana in that time was like [ __ ] [ __ ] on the players from all over the place basically tijuana was up for grabs this is uh ariana felix cartel at that time was like waning an influence and they had a separation inside of it so you have people from tina law coming in you had people from [ __ ] the u.s you had people from down south and like everybody was here it was like [ __ ] free-for-all tijuana was a [ __ ] free-for-all now and like you can talk about being hunted you know like as far as yeah how that feels being hunted it feels it just feels [ __ ] up but you gotta like um compar mineralize what is it yeah compromise it basically separates you to compartmentalize yeah what you worry about this is this and this is the bigger picture you know you so for you with a bigger what was the bigger picture for you getting back figuring out your way back but the mass time que pasa that going back it's not a it stops being a reality like you start like yeah yeah they might you know weird [ __ ] happened to me when i was a in you know i remember being like five years on the street here working and uh some [ __ ] happened some horrible [ __ ] happened uh they told me you know you know two days just take two days off and i can drink some beers i show up at my mom's house you know automatically go there because [ __ ] you know i said well that's where that's where we go when we freak out yeah and she told me like hey what do you want this is what you wanted right here [ __ ] covering blood and [ __ ] like that coming here at four in the morning this is what you wanted it's like i was like but probably and said what do you i want to go back home no there's no there's no going back home yeah home has changed when you're gone home changes you know it's not there anymore or you change when you come back to it so in a way just there's no coming back home did you get a moment like that all the time you know what the whole time i was on the run i used to miss l.a so bad it was in my mind like a long longing along yeah and and the strange thing is when i finally got to go back it wasn't the same no more and i felt a strange feeling like what is this place what that like like where's where where where the familiar faces like where's this place that i used to go to yeah everything had changed between 24th and 25th and i was just like longing to go eat there because that was a spot and yesterday i get back and i tell i told this my friend this girl and i'm like hey what's up she's like man [ __ ] that place that [ __ ] got roaches yeah yeah and that chill this weekend we were hanging out with this dude that was a waiter there and i told them they're like he's like yeah but it's not because it's dirty they come up through the sewer and i'm like same [ __ ] same [ __ ] so we like where we connect is that i was part of a group that finally showed up at your door basically yeah um you want to talk about that yeah yeah so you know talk us through the day this this final day of of of anxiety and [ __ ] being in survival mode well well honestly i was going to turn myself in you you were basically giving up on this whole [ __ ] it was too much it was too much already i i was just like i couldn't do it no more it was just it was just stress stress yeah everything and then um so but the thing that had me conflicted was that i had a daughter so and she was and she was she was with you yeah and you know so it was um i didn't know how to tell her i hadn't told her you want to give i would say she was about like seven six or seven or yeah no maybe eight because i mean yeah yesterday i was just i i was just going to i was real really conflicted i couldn't get my mind right i was and now i'm on that show some some of the brothers they ran a sweat lodge for me to get clarity and that sweat lodge [ __ ] me up it pulled [ __ ] out instead of instead of dousing things down yes the so then i remember the night before tabaco it was like raining it was like sprinkling to avery sando yeah i was in the house and they were already parked outside they have been parking outside for i i noticed you you had eyes on you for two days before before they finally knocked yeah so that night i remember um uh i had a watch right yes boom and i stray i heard like a voice in my head say your time is up so your watch breaks the thing that tells time just the strap just snaps off it you have this moment where you hear this voice right yeah it's the same voice that you heard right before he had to make a run for it in l.a to me i think that voice was god yeah yeah i don't i don't know how to describe it but to me i feel like that was god's voice yesterday so the very next day i'm right there in the house doing pull-ups smoking weed just but yeah and i had i got had some people coming over so you know they're like hey we're gonna have a jam session at japan and i had a big black trash bag right and uh and i before i go out i was looking at the ipad so i'm like man for some reason there's been a car park right there different cars in the same spot for days yeah what is it yeah no say even and i'm like man yeah i'm like [ __ ] it it's in my head it's not but when i i bust the gate open sabre i make the left i like got to corner my eyes i lost miro and i'm like damn they're [ __ ] looking at me so i didn't i just threw the trash right on right on the side and i buzzed it so it could start closing so i could get in as it's closing you know yeah like indiana young yeah so as soon as that happens been right at me and i jumped out of the way the truck hit the gate and knocked the gate off the rail and like when i got out the way the ones in the car were already coming running they tackled me boom and i i could hear him say to to cuff my feet they're like yeah like they've been watching me they must have known that i was training and everything because they're like get the feet get the feet yeah it happened so quick it was like like that i think it happened like in five seconds they were wrapped i was wrapped and um so you know they were they were going all around and then we end up at sonario now in the offices yeah they bring me in there they got their little cameras on them yeah and then um they were they they were actually cool yeah when they had me they're like man we're doing our job yeah you're doing your job we're doing our job yeah and i was like all right cool can you can i make a phone call they're like yeah and that's when i called my daughter and the principal answered yeah [ __ ] me up it broke my heart in pieces in pieces you know and she's screaming and and i'm telling her i'm trying to convince her that she's a big girl and don't worry tell them to call your mom and have your mom pick you up from school and grandma's going to come soon and we're going to fix this yes yeah you're in this office in sonario surrounded my only [ __ ] estate yeah and you just got a phone call with your daughter your heart is in pieces on the [ __ ] ground but but you know what in a way like you know that picture that you guys had up right here when i'm in the office right there yeah they took your t-shirt off because it's impressive that you have tattoos on they're like throw some gang signs but and even from right there i already even though my heart was broken i felt a lot of weight come off my shoulders but i had a lot of weight on them it was yeah you felt a conclusion coming yeah so then um you know yeah when i hear their their immigration whatever and he's like do you know your social security i'm like yeah and i'm telling them and and they're like it's not coming up you're fine yeah and i'm like what the [ __ ] either they leave me in the lobby i'm in the lobby i think i'm cuffed to the chair but i'm in the lobby and i'm like your name's not coming up your social isn't coming up yeah the detention center what happened was that when you're gone for that long uh sacramento locks you out of the system last three hours as we're going up i just drove you they they drove all the way down from la for you came from vegas when they got the call they were in vegas yes they they took me all the way to l.a to the 77th division police station that was the that was what you were dreading and running from all that time and you're now you're there you go i go to my cause 72 hours they got to take you to court to arraignment right so i go to that first quarter arraignment a lawyer on the police station the lawyers that came to see me they're like relax we got this [ __ ] so defender for that moment that day well they got all my paperwork ready yeah they go hey um it's the how can i get bail and they're like you're not getting no bail you're looking at the death penalty [ __ ] no you hear that word or it's another outer body experience you're like it's like a second death yeah it's like the death penalty and everybody in the tank it's a court everybody's looking at you like wait wait yeah yeah yesterday yeah then after the court that day man you went to the la county jail yeah he empties out all the even my real name sounded strange you know i hear my first name and my last name i'm like ah that's not even me no more i'm i'm this other guy i'm not him no more you know yes that's a year and a half in l.a county and fighting the case he one day in court they're like i got a deal for you you'll go home today [ __ ] that so you're right so hold on you're you're [ __ ] running shout out to um stuart goldfarb it's a beast you're running in you're in mexico [ __ ] wild [ __ ] happening yeah it ends ellie county for a year where you have to basically reconnect to your past in a way because it's like all the gangs should have to just come back yeah imagine they didn't make it easy for you by that time by the 15 years i just identified as mexican yeah like even when i was in jail like when you ask over here you know i'm gonna put all the food just i want this to be a mexican party in my bunk so it's like you know and and and i just identified as being mexican at that point so this is this this uh you know the skinny kid we see in in some of these pictures yeah that wasn't you but you had to kind of like kind of reconnect with yeah yeah yes did you know that that was going to happen that day like a month on this my lawyer came to see me and he's like i got good news and i got bad news i'm like man give me the bad news and then he's like the bad news is they just offer you three years and i was like that's good give it to me because i already been there a year and a half i would only have to do another like 10 months or something you know i don't want to play with it i don't want to risk it yeah that means no no no no i could get you a better deal i'm like nah i don't want a better deal that's just that's good to me right there you know settle for that yeah yes and then when i ended up going to court my my whole thing was like i'm going to argue with this one i'm taking those three years today yeah yeah he said look we're gonna we're gonna plead you down from murder to um manslaughter voluntary manslaughter we're gonna give you a six-year suspended sentence [ __ ] we're gonna suspend your sentence we're gonna let you out on five year probation yes then you're going you'll be home by seven o'clock tonight and i was like what the [ __ ] i signed the deal some papers yeah everybody's going back to the jails to the different jails asian dude a black dude and a white dude and two mexican dudes right yeah and the two mexicans every they're happy the two mexican foods are happy they're going home yeah i'm being happy lose weight and they're like yo yo bro are you going home like yeah they're like man it's my birthday today can i get an autograph and i'm like i'm in the tank i do an autograph myself in that tank by myself it's cold as [ __ ] are you thinking that maybe maybe it's a little [ __ ] joke maybe it's because you know what we're reneging on that [ __ ] yeah we're just doubting everything that's that's exactly what i was doing that's exactly what's going on yellow asian dude este he was cheated up still you could tell he was a savage and i was like i gotta get ready this [ __ ] looks like it's so we were just quiet but i mean they called them out now i'm in there alone deal with them like man you finally they call me sort of like here yeah it is here yeah stamina i had some black crocs he said me so being strange because well it's been a lot of years downtown had changed a little bit you know and now you're just like yeah yeah when we get in the car get to the car they go call call k call my daughter and they call her and they tell her somebody wants to talk to you and she's like okay and then me because she thinks i'm a cardboard cutout she's actually said that why are you guys playing with me why you guys showing me a cardboard cutout of my dad and i'm like i start crying with her you know yeah and i'm like me and we're like crying we're both crying like me and my daughter were just like i love you i love you daddy i love you like we're like ah two weeks or a week yeah you're out yeah you're [ __ ] out and it was crazy i got out in my only in my mind i was like i need to go back to tj that's all i wanted to do because where was she here so that's your heart man you wanted to go back to your heart and no no not even that i just i wanted to come back to that this is this this is my home now yeah this is where you were yeah i get i get that and and it was like you know okay i went to l.a whatever and i was like i feel displaced like let's go um it's not the same no more you know yeah my heart was here in this city yeah and it took me like a little bit but and i came like i ended up coming back to the city i was scared i came through the border i'm like it's like you're not going to be able to cross back somebody's going to [ __ ] bomb some [ __ ] you're like what the [ __ ] i was on probation right and then the way i had pro my probation was any police contact is a violation and you always told six years so i would own four and a half for whatever so you had to basically be santo santo hey are you on probation yeah man i'm on vacation i like flipped it on him like real quick i'm like yeah i'm on vacation yeah he said way you know and even that you know but you so you you went through this whole that's a [ __ ] lot to go through yeah uh you're out everything you were running from is now behind you yeah do you have a moment of like now what the [ __ ] am i gonna do you know like yeah was the music there still or like where did that awaken also you know the other [ __ ] you started doing you know yeah well it yeah i was waiting as soon as i took a week off but after that first week i went straight to a studio i told my girl i need to go to studio i mean i mean imagine the inspiration the energy and the [ __ ] you have to say and it's crazy because the whole time i was in jail i never wrote my my spirit was lost i didn't have no spirit to write you're blocked yeah i was blocked and that never has happened to me ever pero condo como los tres messes and i'm like i feel like writing and i started writing yeah so when i walked out of the county jail i walked out with 300 songs [ __ ] i just was just writing putting it away putting away writing somebody writing so there's all of us had you on pause basically he was on the east coast somewhere and he's like i'm sorry the lead so people don't know who the media is um david here david it's a david areas are david here's who connected us yeah like so i went from being on the group that arrested you yeah back in tj you know to like going off on my own [ __ ] adventure you went on on your adventure and then and this weird crazy dude named david ayer who's a cool [ __ ] you know but like he's uh you know he's been through some [ __ ] too yeah you know he we became friends and i'm like hey ed and this is this guy named connecto that you you you might know like i think you guys i think you guys picked him up i saw he was like [ __ ] i doing crazy yeah that's just crazy and then he calls me over he's like hey dude i'm gonna hang out with him you want to come over and i was like you know i don't know i don't know if you have any [ __ ] ill will you know yeah yeah and uh like yeah sure show up uh that's a real moment because i've been to your place before you know and i remember walking up to the schedule that you had on the ground yeah and not stepping on it i stepped around that's crazy okay that same sigil i had that sigil on the street outside of where i lived at yeah you guys were parked on that city yeah when they came to kidnap me years before the kidnappers were parked on that schedule and everybody parked on that schedule so it's a it's a it's a it's a seal it's a seal we're going to talk about that in a bit but basically when i saw that you know i have some of that in my life too yeah when i saw it i respected it it's like that was kind of like a first thing uh this first thing that i thought linked us you know i saw that on the ground and i said this guy has a connection to this so i stepped around it and i showed my respect in that regard and then we talked from about you know three in the morning right yeah it's both of us [ __ ] met that's a moment of quietness and then we just went into like a full conversation about how both of us were in some just some crazy she's like it's like our lives like intertwined like you might have passed this way while i was passing that way and we just and all of a sudden like we find ourselves in this room and david is there we just finished eating some tacos and we're talking about some crazy [ __ ] that just we just went through in our lives and a lot of ways i mean the mirroring aspect of it you know you're like your daughter your corazon basically yeah and i tell you like oh i have a daughter too you know yeah uh you were spit out by mexico basically in a way i was spit out by mexico too you find yourself back at a place where you thought was home you know i went off and did two years of trying to figure my [ __ ] out in the u.s as far as my citizenship and then came back to what tijuana that i didn't know you know that was like for me it was like everything was upside down between you and me and uh and i remember specifically when you talked about your spirituality you know like some of the aspects of that for me were like oh like he was going through some of the same [ __ ] and looking for some of the same direction right like like something to believe and something to protect you something they have don't be behind you in my case you know growing up growing up in tijuana and having being exposed to some of the stuff for me was santa muerte yeah that was introduced to me uh and then you know remember having this moment when you have some scars on you that were put on you ceremonies yeah ceremonial initiation cuts and i have you know one on my palm so i was like even that was like kind of like freaky like both of us had scars on um can you can you talk a little bit about what i want to ask for you like what uh what is what is that element of spirituality that you found while you were on the run that kept you i guess kept you it did keep you safe because you're right here right now right what you call it um it's funny how because like my family they're like catholic yeah my mom's christian yeah and some of her sisters are jehovah's witness i didn't believe in spirituality i get it like i didn't i didn't have a relationship with with a higher being ever you you were you were i mean i'll get in some [ __ ] and be like hey god i wanna i'm not gonna do it ever again and i'll make this crazy little deal like cultural catholic basically most mexicans are yeah and then you know my mom became christian later and and but i didn't believe in nothing you already got your plane ticket just go jump on the plane that guy will go shopping over here let's go some fool wants to give you a record deal he tells me so i fly into i fly in right here yes there i meet him right there at um we go to a restaurant somewhere right here right where it makes the turn there was this mexican restaurant like right on the corner yeah and and then um and then i go back to guadalajara and then he calls me again okay the dude's here now he wants to he wants to talk to you so i'm flying again and we meet him over there hotel rosarito and this dude i knew him from la i didn't know him personally but i knew him yeah yesterday yeah where the uh the ceremonial yeah and then but i didn't know what that meant yeah for me i thought it was from the latin kings i thought this guy was puerto that's what i thought i meant i thought it meant he's some sort of caribbean dude like because yeah i just for some reason i thought he was from the latin kings yeah but then i meet him right and he's like all right everything's cool but before we go any further my madrina's gonna say it's all good i'm like your motherino the [ __ ] is that yeah like grown man will tell you about his motherina yeah i'm gonna call my my godmother basically to ask if it's cool if i can work with you yes yeah somewhere in the back in a gated community right on the beach we know these jewish foods had a bunch of pads and we could random and all that so yeah so i pull up one night some misty night yes i thought he was like a chef or a [ __ ] it's a ceremonial point but it's all wine and this little little turban thing yeah so i'm like what the [ __ ] is that dude doing and then that lady's right there la madrina right yeah the the basically the leader of this group was understanding that so she's like she started right she lays them out and she's like she tells me a bunch of [ __ ] that it didn't mean yeah this is a very important [ __ ] doesn't show up in this reading and she's like no that's me and i'm like so she makes me cut the deck or blow on it she makes me do something she runs it again second time no see another no i do it three times total he may say that so just going to see you next week yeah bring something on so next week i'm uh we meet up in this house because it's a little bit past cantamar yeah this guy we knew he he had like a compound over there so so we pull up to this house but this time when i pull up i'm like what the [ __ ] yes yeah next thing you know i'm blindfolded [ __ ] schistos this is an initiation yeah she starts like saying this this she's talking a language i never heard before it just sounds like mumbo jumbo what whatever which was um your reuben nigerian justice and he you know he sees more things but but the main represents justice so i'm so like zoned out and she's whispering things in my ear and she's telling me no matter if they speak against you she's going to be worthless she's telling she's she's like hypnotizing me mistake no you're invisible no one can see you you're untouchable she's telling me all these things while she's doing chants and songs and and all this shit's going on and um i walked out of her like a new man i honestly felt something visible something happened right there was was this uh like how long did that take was it like a like full ceremony it was it was it was about maybe like an hour or two i would say i imacoded driving back we're driving back and he sent me boy hey get that and i'm like no she said that i'm [ __ ] invisible no one could see me but did you untouchable did like did that have power that [ __ ] had power i think it lasted like a year you know yeah you were working he was i was never loud or nothing we were always real low i was like this [ __ ] is real it's just i mean if you this shit's real if you believe in it right i heard somebody say things have the power that we give them over us or black magic at its core is just a form of weaponized psychology that we use on ourselves and on others but uh if somebody hands you something with a power and tells you what that power is and you can convince yourself of that power i mean you will figure [ __ ] out as far as that you know and that's exactly what that's exactly what happened and i never seen that lady ever again right so i ended up meaning okay i i don't met just walking through the yeah walking through the single wind you know basically a big swap swap meet yeah yesterday and i'm asking them questions and this is and then then i meet this this another something on this lady right yeah she she passed away and it's crazy because she passed away a year ago and last month on the on a year anniversary of her passing they ran inside her botanica and they killed one of her sons i got the picture i'm gonna show it to you when we're done yeah this this because it's a grimy world over here yeah yeah should be lying to fools should be lied to to big time like fools that were the people don't realize how is this that that aspect that spiritual aspect brujas santeros all that [ __ ] is intertwined with like a lot of heavy [ __ ] in mexico and you know i mean they take risks too you know yeah they do what want to do and that [ __ ] doesn't get what he wants and he'll show up to this house and [ __ ] kill everybody so i started messing with her ceremonies and i remember i walked out of the feeling like the dalai lama like ah like floating on one toe type [ __ ] yeah this is this uh yeah i get it i don't know like some what i went through when i went through some of that myself it gave me purpose and belief you know uh i felt like oh this is all part of something and i'm part of some sort of plan of some sort so when i was working i felt that is behind me and around me right uh i don't know if for you you had you know it also it gave me a discipline like hey tina you know if you want something you have to pay for it something that we had you know if you want to go and uh you know ask for something you have to give something yeah so like it would be a big bottle of tequila would be the candles it could be going off and doing a favor for somebody that you didn't like [ __ ] like that that was like or walking barefoot up in cerro coronado that was a month that we would do like it gave me not only direction and purpose but also kind of discipline around it to humble myself you know did you find some on that i think that's what that's what happened when we like humbled me hey we're going to have like a like a drumming ceremony like a like a party basically right yeah is on the corner on the opposite corner yeah yeah right it was always there and i never noticed it you know but once i started [ __ ] with her i'm like oh [ __ ] this is and once i go in there's a kind of armed dudes inside so ah [ __ ] sorry you were in there for some work basically or to pick up something and all of a sudden you find yourself surrounded by cardinal guys in this [ __ ] room and no no and there was real federal police in there yeah and cartel guys and everybody was there yeah that makes it and i seen that i seen and then i go into the room where the the drumming's going on and i'm like oh [ __ ] that's that politician for the news and then like there was like some prostitutes right there and then and everything's like they're all so i was like i like this this is my get down because no one's tripping on nobody no yeah that's a neutral ground yeah he is and then this dude's talking and he goes he's just saying it he's like me compa was wanted for murder he said he got scratched yeah and he beat his case and that [ __ ] pink [ __ ] light bulb and i was like what's that yeah and he's like here i'm going to show you us in the back backpack [Music] basically a ceremonial cauldron cauldron that has i mean you you know better than this basically it has a spirit yeah they put in there and basically they hold it and that [ __ ] [ __ ] me up because there was a skull right there bones popping out sticks and that [ __ ] looks scary you know that [ __ ] like some extra [ __ ] to me i'm like it's some other and then i finally got initiated in paulo i remember i remember it was a savage brutal initiation that when it was it was it was a was it uh it was like 18 hours or some [ __ ] [ __ ] it's like endurance endurance and it wiped me out and and and i always would like when i meet other paleros i'll be like hey this is how my cereal my mines was and they'll be like what the [ __ ] that's some like that's some other [ __ ] like well it's just it's different for everybody you know yeah it's different for everybody but also tijuana has a very specific style of everything is really hardcore here for some reason specifically because i don't know the it's just the environment the environment here is very different like my initiation compared to some of the initiations that i had that i've seen and heard people share of santa muerte and stuff like that in other parts of mexico like i was buried underground for a night that was mine and then like they're like okay yeah i don't know why because it's [ __ ] hardcore i don't know what it is i don't know what's in it but now i know and this is that and that when that happened i didn't know but it was like it was almost like being on shrooms yeah it's a papa or something [ __ ] probably and when they took up the blindfold after all these hours of me being in the dark i'm like what the [ __ ] dead goats and rule and it's just bloody i'm in a room that's blood blood filled everywhere it's birth and there's intestines and they're they're like it's a birth it's a birthing ceremony you're born out of blood basically yeah in that moment yesterday and then from right there my whole thing started because me i'm like uh my gustavus yeah i enjoy knowledge and you know knowledge is power and i just like i started digging and digging and digging and digging and next thing you know i'm deep into it and now i have a purpose now i have something okay when i talk to it it talks to me back it's an anchor and and and i feel like it it like saved me saved my life in a way it was weird and i had martial arts too you know i was trained so all these things bring all these balances to my life my spirituality my physical self and um you know and and just my awareness like it was all about awareness like with all kinds of cops there weren't a religion you know yeah that's that's the thing that people don't understand like when i talk about hey that's a cartel [ __ ] it didn't matter here like it was like this is [ __ ] this if you were palero santero santa marta whatever you want you would go into a place and the people that it was like a truce there nobody would [ __ ] with each other if you were in that type of [ __ ] in that environment nobody does [ __ ] here this is holy ground no you still respect that [ __ ] they used to it she would burn people like as i got to know her i was like oh this [ __ ] is [ __ ] crooked as [ __ ] but she would burn people with each other like like lie to him or she would put some [ __ ] on them yeah so their [ __ ] will be [ __ ] up and then they'll come to her to fix it and she'll charge them out the ass you know yeah he is i was telling you i go in there with my daughter you know in nova parking so i park almost in this little little strip mall that's cassie almost right across the street of mercado's yeah yeah but she was down this way este by that school that's right there yeah yesterday and as i'm leaving a dude creeps up on me you know he may pose i get an alert he's like because we got orders to smoke her ass and if and the order is whoever's in there smoke them too but i seen you going in with your daughter so we stopped it yeah but don't go in there no more you know and i was like oh [ __ ] go looking out man thanks bro i won't and i did i ended up going back but yeah i like sporadically like like i had it on my mind like and she's [ __ ] up she's doing she's i doing it was part of the it was part of the business yeah and a lot of these places that that [ __ ] is just part and parcel of these uh some of these uh businesses where they they're concierge or like people that counsel each other people that's where people want to ask questions you know and you know a lot of horrible [ __ ] happens sometimes in there you know yeah like you said a year to the day you know yeah she died and a year to the day they walked in to the botanical right there yeah like right across the street right next to that gas station on the corner they walked in and and gave it to her son you know yeah so it's it's death it's crazy you know yeah death i mean it's a business of life and death and you say like for somebody that has been surrounded by death for so long in a lot of ways and to say that no but i want to live you know i think and i think in a lot of ways all you describe from your initiation that's a kind of death in a way yeah it's a rebirth all those initiations are from her leaving home that's another death finding a new home like here in tijuana and then having that [ __ ] snatch away from you that's another death or like if you think about it you know it's interesting that you talk about ghost a lot in your in your music yeah that's uh yeah all of those uh other conecos are basically ghosts you know that's a that's an interesting way to kind of look at that so then uh you know we meet kind of hang out then i kind of start looking at your your your whole journey you know see you in a movie you know i'll say that you know [ __ ] the tax collector movie um and specifically you know you're playing a uh heavyweight from guadalajara come in and take control yeah yeah and like when i was launching i'm like come on and i saw you [ __ ] from the shirt the jewelry the [ __ ] you were drinking uh the the you had around you yeah it's like that [ __ ] knows i don't know if you're consulting a little bit for that or did you have a say in some of the [ __ ] you were kind of experiencing dave he's he's he's open to it if the shit's gonna be dope he's open to it and since he's my boy i'm like i want his [ __ ] to be [ __ ] fire so i'm like hey wait how about we do this and this and this and this let me can is it cool if i say like this yeah and i'll i'll show him and he'll be like [ __ ] yeah now now whose idea was the [ __ ] cooler i told him i told him about that that [ __ ] when i saw like when i saw that the cooler and how it was arranged yeah yeah did you see that somewhere did you see that somewhere i mean you see those things here in the city exactly in the city this was it became a common thing it's not like like like um just a neatly stacked head hand like situation in a in a cooler and you know they're artistic with it you know i remember walking into the uh korea there's a there was a soccer field there where the ring where you run around yeah and there was a wheelbarrow in the middle of that field that had a body in it and i had to walk over there with a digital camera and take pictures of it and this it was stacked just like that cooler so i remember seeing that the arms the head and it had more body parts in there but i remember seeing that and i was like [ __ ] a while back yeah this is how it is when i saw that i was like like whoever's consulting on this [ __ ] is you know sally like has seen some of that [ __ ] and i it was shock it was it was a it brought me back this [ __ ] i was i was that was [ __ ] interesting to see that in in in that uh well you know when you see it once it's like ah and you see it again it's like ah and then when you start seeing it in different ways like i said fools are artistic with it yeah and then you just it's just like normal you know that normalization so also people need to know that you're normal in my normal whatever what like we went through some [ __ ] right we went through some things and the sense of normal you get after all that makes us abnormal to the rest you know somebody shows up with you it's like hey connect look at this weird cartel video that i saw somewhere like oh oh oh this guy's probably left-handed you know like when he calls like look at the horrible [ __ ] no i'm just looking at the details now because you've been past that yeah yeah so in a way it takes something from you i remember when i was um when i was still on the run right i made a call to over there and then i'm like hey fool check out this video and i tell them what to type right yeah and then this guy like he brings it up and he's like fool you you made my son cry he never i'm like why are you watching with him i told you and he's like no way look at this okay it was a it was this crazy cartoon video that i kept on watching over and over i would just watch it i'm like wow this is crazy look at this [ __ ] well a lot of those videos man the early videos from narco blog and [ __ ] like that yeah all of those videos actually a lot of the traffic was in the middle east the people watching them so when isis happened and all those high like torture videos people getting shot and [ __ ] burn and [ __ ] like that all those were inspired by the videos coming out of mexico back in the day so that's that that's a wild connection with that yeah that's crazy i didn't know that ended just being desensitized by it so that kid was of a generation that wasn't exposed to that but now you have kids that are just hey check this out what's up messenger yeah yeah and and i'm not saying it doesn't [ __ ] with me to see it because it does still [ __ ] with me i see a video and i'm just like i think for me it's uh when i see things in a video or in a picture that i can relate to something in my life now so if i see somebody that looks like a friend of mine or if i see something that reminds me of something that i saw a witness or did that [ __ ] just [ __ ] it's a moment of you know it's not healthy too man it's [ __ ] triggering you know that's just like um i don't know it's just like reality when i see those videos it's just like this is reality this is real yeah this is not like yeah this is this is not a sepia toned uh movie somewhere where some people are trying to depict something that they really don't don't understand this is like oh full color you know the cooler from elokso with the duct tape around yeah you can tell where they bottle that and also the fact that the guy was probably alive when he cut him apart because of the blood i remember when we when we shot those scenes like the the ceremonial scene in the tax collector yeah well i seen behind the footage seeing that you know like my girl whatever was filming everybody that's shooting that was on that team was just quiet like yeah there's something to it yeah and then when it was all done they shut down the whole yeah you know i took some basics some some sage i had a big ass hock feather yeah and i told my my wife was pregnant with my my other daughter and my younger daughter scarlett and um i was like man we got to get blessed up though even though this was a movie energy was real i felt it and i could see all these guys are [ __ ] spooked so they felt it you know all these camera guys and all this man i i watch it and i recognize what i was seeing is something that you based on something that is actually real and his whole thing was that once a year they would feed a homeless guy to espena right in mexico city they would take them off the street they would feed them all week shower them everything a homeless guy and at the end of the week they would they would feed them to the brenda right you ready to go get on that level and i'm like hell nah me is survival yeah i'll get on any level on as far as like to protect my loved ones or me but some that's like some some predatory [ __ ] yes it's almost it's almost like you're crazy yeah i'm crazy yeah but it's different yeah that's some predatory [ __ ] there's sinister side of it i mean that uh that uh picked up a teenager to put in a brenda you know that mexico has a history though this this sounded just like that yeah i was just like that they've i mean they found a bunch of crazy [ __ ] pandas and and and gongas recently probably two three years ago down there with yeah still they're trying to figure out who the body is it's still going on then it is it is it is not only still going on it has grown exponentially it's everywhere right now like even yeah people sometimes so sometimes like uh i have a connection i have a connection in the u.s where people ask me about mexican occultism stuff because i went into it myself a lot in researching and everything and they're seeing things on the u.s side now they're very reminiscent of some of the stuff we used to see here as far as not only the apollo stuff but how it's kind of melding kind of melding into something other other things and yeah they can't figure out what they see uh it's crazy well you've gone through all those deaths yeah went through this whole giant journey um like uh specifically you know what did it cost you like what did you have to sacrifice throughout all that and what was it what was your like think of thinking back on it was it just time that you sacrificed for all for all of that no i think i like sacrificed my humanity and you know it's funny because i was talking with my daughter yesterday and we're talking about like her going to high school and all these things right and then i'm like and i'm like you got to be on i'm like telling you got to be on your [ __ ] because i go look at me look what happened with me my i went on this but you know what so you you become like a warning like you're warning people hey yeah yeah they're like hey you got anything you could tell the kids some positive [ __ ] and i'm like nah what can i tell all my yeah time yeah and i like what i i would say is that like like i can't i'm no one to give them advice because i'm just like them i came from the same place they don't the only thing that i could offer them is um understanding and a young kid want to talk to me i could offer him understanding and comprehension because i understand it and i comprehend it and maybe he could just talk to me yeah and that's enough and and i could we have this conversation and i think a big part of it is that it's not about what you can tell them it's all it's just being willing to listen to something yes that's that's all i can do is just listen a lot of them just want to be listened to like i have all these oh cool listen you know a lot of people want to [ __ ] spout information when someone just want to listen to you because i i feel i feel like that and then then i'm like i almost feel like i'm glamorizing and i'm a hero and and i don't feel like a hero right i feel almost like a victim from my own life like i'm like i like to tell people that i'm a cautionary tale like every now and then somebody goes through a bunch of horrible [ __ ] and looks back and says oh [ __ ] don't step on that watch out for that thing over there yeah that i think hurts don't do this and this is pretty bad and i survived it somehow you know but don't do don't be me basically it's something i tell people and that's that's what i was basically telling my daughter like don't be me don't be me but i in at the end at the end of the day i feel like i had to go through what i went through to become me this guy yeah because if not um i've been that guy and that guy was gonna die anyways that guy was dead like that choko no i went on the run there was three attempts in my life in one month before i went on the run which was crazy you know i was like they were back to back and then i had that car accident where i flipped over and i heard like everything was trying to kill you everything was trying to kill you so i was like um i don't know i i think about these things all the time i think about it like i went through all this and then and i catch myself because i just they gave me somebody the gods gave me a second chance at life that's a burp there's a reason there's a reason so it's like i don't know sometimes i think what if i never would have got caught that day i still would have been a fugitive horrible that [ __ ] was too much already i think it's a lesson there where sometimes we are avoiding something you know nobody gets away with anything is something that i've learned like over the years that people say they get where they get they they got away with something but realistically eventually either through you or your kids but that shit's gonna catch up nobody gets away with [ __ ] uh and a big part of uh a lot of people's processes is avoidance that's where they get stuck you know you [ __ ] avoid it you dock it you hide from it bury your hand the [ __ ] ground but eventually it catches up to all of us right and you know it did to me like probably a year ago when i stopped drinking and [ __ ] like that i was avoiding [ __ ] for years you know that was my poison you know and now that that [ __ ] is kind of like it like i remember stopping drinking and everything's clear now like it turned from a polaroid picture to a full hd film as far as all the [ __ ] that i went through you know talking to you about some of the [ __ ] you went through was like oh i wasn't the only [ __ ] idiot [ __ ] doing crazy [ __ ] in this world you know he went through it and also the fact that you got a second not even a second maybe a third or fourth chance yeah yeah yeah you're like holy [ __ ] like there's other people like me out there that get completely [ __ ] over by the world and then somehow dust themselves off and uh make something out of it you know i always have this thing where i'm like constantly figuring out how to make myself worthy of the chances that i've gotten after you know and i think that's that's basically what both of us are kind of kind of doing right now um when i was on the run there was this kid that was on the run right he his dad was from my neighborhood i didn't know him this food wanted can you guys look out for him yeah he and she was she as a matter of fact she's from tj the mom but she knew how to cook she was like like a clairvoyant like you know yeah and then um they almost had you one day right and i was like what are you talking about she's like they almost had you they almost had you like three different times and then i'm like maybe and then um what do you want i'm like i just want to make it i don't i don't know to what but i just want to make it yeah i'm into this yeah and then she's like you are yeah yeah you're not sure like yeah i mean you're here now uh you have uh a lot of things you've done a lot of people you're inspired with some of your music uh you have a daughter just great you know and uh hey man we made it somehow somehow you know somebody asked me to ask you before we end this who mr x is what's up with that there's a picture mr x was a bar right there in my neighborhood where everybody would hang out at mr x mr x and it's crazy because that's like a residential street and there was a bar in the middle of a residential street like some tj [ __ ] yes most of the people that hung out in there like like los paisanos yeah either were from jalisco colima and oaxaca because that whole area everybody's from oaxaca either or colima or jalisco yeah and my uncles would hang out in there and we would hang out in there and everybody would sell dope out of there and and um was that where it started okay like yeah no it wasn't like a central starting point for you basically yeah it was because when i remember being like 10 11 years old and there was an alley that connected like three streets so we'll start on 25th the ali will go to 24th 23rd and it'll stop on 22nd so when we were kids we would hide in the alley and wait for like drunks to come come take a leak and we have these fake um they look like fake nine millimeters they were lighter as a matter of fact but look rio had weight on it and we were just like these kids it looked like the movie the city of gods those little kids and we just grabbed this fool and just you don't know if it's real or not also it's a kid holding a gun yeah that's right and we would just like pocket them you know like pocket check like is that place still open ah the city had it closed down and you know like the city fought they would they try to get like an ordinance against it and all these things against it and they they fought it back and and it's been popping up on the screen people have died right outside people have died inside like that was the start yeah so mr x mr ranks i think that's a pretty good place to end it you know and the name is funny too and mister and and now i think it's like a i think it's like a christian church i'm like what yeah like they cleansed it and well they have a few years to work on to try and cleanse that place probably you know get all those ghosts out yeah yeah conejo uh it's a pleasure thank you this is the first uh one i'm doing of these and i couldn't uh imagine a better like a guest to have on you know somebody that uh we crossed paths for a bit and then we didn't and then we found each other again yeah it's it's been a cool ride it's been a cool ride with you right again and uh whatever you need man i'm here cool thank you [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Manifesto Radio Podcast

Views: 66,911

Keywords: Tactical, weapons, food, Mexican, cartel, Ed's Manifesto, Ed Calderon, joe Rogan, Conejo raper, Shawn Ryan, tacos, navy seal, urban survival, narco cultura, santa muerte, knife combat

Id: WIrdYIKwd6E

Length: 104min 5sec (6245 seconds)

Published: Fri May 13 2022