Loveology/Q & A/John Mark Comer and Company/Various

[Music] [Music] so we have a great crew tonight I have none of us have all the answers but with five of us we at least stand a better chance not getting it all the way wrong and we're about to get into a whole bunch of stuff these are all live questions that they're not out of the can they're all from you over this evening from that phone number I think we have a few hundred questions that somebody is up there sorting through and we're gonna get into some stuff that I'm sure will be black and white and crystal clear in the scripture is wrong right and then other stuff that's far more ambiguous that really is in the tradition of wisdom if you think about the book of Proverbs and job and Ecclesiastes and this is wisdom literature and it's stuff that's not necessarily crystal clear and so we'll get into some stuff and hopefully we'll do a good job of saying like this is text this is Jesus this is Bible this is right wrong and other stuff that this is our opinion this is our take and we'll hopefully navigate between the two so really fast to introduce you guys this is my lovely wife Tammy comer hi well done I'm so proud that you're here she's not like a giant crowd person but you are officially the wisest person I know and I know a lot of people so yeah good job you weren't scared up those oxen you're rocking it I can't see him are you gonna write can't I see any of you up there really see anyway you're gonna put me out of a job so and then this is Bethany Allen who Bethany is a graduate of Western seminary at the end of Hawthorne and she's the women's director for bridge town of Jesus Church and she is also single so she is here to represent for all single people everywhere which is the vast majority view and then is my good buddy Chuck Bomar who's the lead pastor of colossi and Tigard he's also an author a prolific one a number of books out how many books eject like a billion right how many five six seven what eight well done and humble and he's also honestly the leading voice on college ministry in the US and the rivers books are kind of about college ministry and he's kind of a leading thinker around the u.s. right now about helping churches all over figure out how to serve those of you that are in college and 20-somethings how to serve you well so he's just been an invaluable resource to me to our family of churches and then of course is the one and only Gary brashears dr. Gary shares that's right who is the head of the theology department at Western seminary off Hawthorne and officially brilliant dude my theological mentor and even though we disagree with each other all the time but it's fantastic so hopefully we'll get to do some of that tonight right you're going down whoa no I'm kidding the student is not above his master so that said um Tammy would use prayer really fast that uh that we have wisdom from God that you answer questions Jesus and we just thank you that you're a God who delights in giving us wisdom where we meet it Lordan we don't claim to know all the answers Lord but we know that you're a God who speaks and that you care about your people and pray that you would give us wisdom and discernment to be able to answer these questions well and yeah that you just bless this time I thank you for all these people and for teachable hearts and that they want to know your thoughts Lorna so I pray that you would speak and that you would use us your name amen amen all right let's have it it's a nice softball to start with thank you very much Gary well alright I guess I got us into this mess so I'll start the conversation honestly this is this is a great thing to chat about because obviously this is a massive issue that a ton of you are wrestling with right now and it's an ongoing temptation lifelong for the majority of people so honestly the Scriptures say as far as we can tell nothing at least nothing explicit maybe a few passages that are implicit maybe but say nothing at all about masturbation but the Scriptures have a ton to say about lust so it's really hard to do that without lusting and so the scriptures are crystal clear in lust as not only sin but basically as a sexual form of fantasy that basically sets you up for an idealism around marriage and around sexuality that is next to impossible no it is impossible to live into so it's a short-term gain that's robbing from your future joy and delight so Gary we've chatted about this actually before we have a little bit in the book I don't personally see a way to masturbate without it being sin but you had a little bit of a different take they I agree with you completely the Bible says nothing about it and when it got such a list of sexual sins in the Old Testament the fact that it says nothing about masturbation to me says something and my understanding when scripture is silent the scripture didn't it isn't that God forgot to say something that he purposely left a silence and openness of freedom to be wise in spirit lid so lust hmm nope if you're doing masturbation to pornography you are doing everything possible to really mess yourself up sexually you're identifying with a person even though it's video even though it's a virtual picture and you're tying into somebody and you're putting your physical sexuality online with a male or female same thing that's not okay however I deal with a number of men and some women in the pastoral side of my life who talk about the fact that they just have this physical blast going on and so what I suggest is I believe that you can do masturbation and do it non lustfully and what that means is when you're practicing a masturbation you're looking at yourself and you're doing physical release you're not thinking about another person you're focusing yourself in doing a for physical release and you schedule it so instead of doing it when the wave comes you put it in your calendar at nine o'clock on Thursday night I will masturbate I am dead serious some people have date night other people yeah if you don't have a date like do it might imagine the iPhone pops up like 10 minutes until ya that yeah you're not invited back to the next guy you see the last one hey guys are setting their alarms right now okay now let me be clear that's not a good thing way better is to give full sexual person to your spouse in if you're doing masturbation it's because you can't control the physical hormones that are going on in your body and I see this as a release it's not the best thing it's a self thing it's an alone thing sexuality should always be a connecting thing but to paraphrase the Bible a bunch it's better to masturbate than to burn to paraphrase it Allah Allah okay so I'm dead serious about the schedule yeah I really am dead serious about the reason you know what your cycle is if you're paying attention and what it is you're controlling that you're not letting it control you yeah I really believe that go ahead not understand you're looking swell Chuck who reads the Bible Chuck no I'm kidding so I mean how does that strike tiem to me that sounds okay I get it but it sounds really really dangerous like flirting with temptation I mean how does that would you agree disagree and our our goal appear isn't to agree with each other on everything yeah I honestly don't know what to think you know I give you and Thursday night just kidding that was really bad I'm trying to get home before my wife goes to bed I if you're married do not do that yeah you don't need to sometimes you do actually hi Rhonda Chuck now Wow I love you Gary I've just never heard that before I'm not like I have to process that I guess honestly not sure what to say I think there is a certainly I think that there's some of you out here that would hear that and then you automatically say oh I have a way out and I don't think that's what Gary's saying at all and so I think there's a lot of people to hear that right because you hear what you want to hear right we all do I'll ask enough people their opinions until I hear what I want to hear and so that's my my concern with that at but the sink that said we could take anything in Scripture and then send with it right and so I think that the yeah I guess my my concern would be that we just start to find ways to rationalize it yeah and if I long as I schedule it it's okay it's it's a way to overcome my own brokenness and you're saying if you can masturbate without lusting right yes it's got to be self focused it's got to be for physical release and it's got it because you're you're a high testosterone high estrogen woman and and you it's you really I I know people I've sat well it's not an issue that I wrestle with but I've talked with people who do and they just can't deal with this stuff I have I have dealt with that as well yeah yeah absolutely but it just feels like to me I mean you're dead right that the Scriptures don't say anything specifically to masturbation and where the scriptures are silent we should be silent so you're dead right there but the Scriptures have a ton to say about lust and to run from it to run from her neck cornea as fast as you can and it just feels to me like the level of mental self-discipline that it would take to masturbate without lust Ian I know that I definitely do not have that and I'm guessing that I speak for a large percentage of men and women so I mean I think that technically you are correct it just feels to me like that would be a little bit of a setup for temptation I'd love to hear from one of you too Bethany do you yeah like I think a lot of times when we talk about masturbation pornography all this stuff we talk about as if it's a guy and guy only thing but statistically that's like baloney right or ya know rot right not wrong right yeah I think we think about this often Ty's times and Carrie and I were talking about it back to stage just that it's a male heavy issue but the reality is women are struggling struggling with it just as much especially in today's day and age so I always think of it as like you know where I set up my tent I'm not gonna set it up on the you know in the right near the camp where I could get eaten by a bear or something so I just try to put my campus or my tent is far away from the crazy camp as I a woman who camps that's why I don't actually you know anything about that dang it it's a metaphor yeah single still so I'm not gonna camp with you all right but I think I think if it just as a wisdom thing to of you know it's a dangerous line to walk but I think it's definitely an issue that women are facing absolutely and I think we we need to be careful to talk about that yeah openly what do you think I mean they're obviously even physically is a difference between a man's sexuality and women's sexuality do you think that there is a time and a place for a woman to masturbate if she can do it that less Dean yeah no I I think for women because we don't have the same kind of generally speaking I mean I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule there are usually exceptions to every rule but I'd say that generally speaking when a woman like has an orgasm or whatever that's purely due to it's not like just physical charming it's not release like I mean it's like you got to get yourself there so in in a way that's like not I don't know I think I feel like for a woman it's just kind of pure so I have a hard time getting believing that a woman could totally do that without lusting I don't I mean maybe but so so here's what's crystal-clear to move on the fact that masturbation lust but masturbation is not on any of the major sinless anywhere in the New Testament or Old Testament I think bare minimum that should mean that for all of you who are followers of Jesus and this is something you're wrestling with this is an area of temptation where sometimes you succeed and sometimes you fail when you fail that should not determine your identity in Christ your relationship with Jesus whether or not you're a man and woman of God that's not to say it's not important not even to say it's not crucial but your relationship with Jesus should not rise and fall off whether or not you jacked off that day because you're in Christ and you're a sexual being and we're sexualized usually years before if not decades before we're married for some people its life long and and that is something that we all wrestle with so maybe we wrestle well with minds that are free from lust and wrapped around purity and as much as possible maybe we save our sexuality as I love you said sexuality is not intended to be something you do alone ever is something that is to be shared with a man or one with the husband or wife so let's move on from this one the please how far is too far physically I feel like it's something that isn't well addressed in Christian culture saying no sex is vague and leaves us confused as to where to stop it's a great great word there's a whole lot of ground between a first kiss and intercourse and so what about that whole middle ground what about making out what about all that stuff I would say a couple of things in 10 mean I've talked about this a bunch one I'd say don't do anything some of this is gonna sound crazy so some of you are about to write me off just don't do that just hear me out okay hear me out first off I'd say don't do anything in public that you wouldn't do I'm sorry don't do anything in private that you wouldn't do in public and I know this is Portland so that's not necessarily saying all that much but as a general rule with your boyfriend/girlfriend dude you met the other night fiancee anything pre-marriage don't do anything in public don't do anything in public that you wouldn't do in private so maybe you'd kiss but you wouldn't don't anything private that you wouldn't do in public definitely that one sorry so maybe you'd kiss but you wouldn't make out maybe you would hug but it wouldn't be like the 20 minute frontal body sway I mean whatever don't do anything and private that you wouldn't do in public secondly I would say when you cross the line from attraction to arousal stop and that is different for every single person depending how your sexuality is wired how your relationship is some people it's like dude I hold hands and I'm done I'm there so stop there seriously stop there like the more sexualized you are the more conservative you should be about how you express your sexuality pre-marriage not the more liberal the more conservative you should be because for you that's a weakness the reality is that some of you have way more self-control we barely made it to our wedding night we made it barely some of you have way more self-control some of you can date for seven years and not have sex I just don't know how in the world ever ever right we've two years and it was 23 months too long so for those of you that are in that spot where you don't have a time where you have a raging sex drive you don't have a ton of self-control you should be more conservative not less so the second you crossed the line from attraction to arousal stop third thing I'd say and this is the crazy one and it honestly has it saved my wife and I is don't ever be alone in a private space an apartment or a dorm or a house all by yourself ever before you get married and if that sounds crazy to you and you're thinking I have one roommate or I live alone or I live with my parents we are not hanging out there or whatever it is honestly that I think saved somebody gave that advice to Tammy and I when we started dating and I thought it was horrific I thought it was just the dumbest thing I've ever heard is so unromantic sounding and this was like before third wave coffee so you had to go to like 24 hours Starbucks and it was just like being it was really bad so but honestly if we'd not gone by that I think our eight-year-old Jude would be about 14 right now so the nice thing is it's really hard to get pregnant when your moms in the kitchen 10 feet away you know or your roommates on the other side of the wall but seriously I think we set ourself up for failure you go over to your girlfriend's apartment nobody's home Kanye's on the background or whatever candle you know Coldplay whatever and you're on the couch and you're you're praying together or whatever baloney you know like and you're all you're doing is it's a setup for failure so you want to set yourself up for success not for failure and then the last thing I'd say is talk about the line do's and don'ts with your boyfriend or girlfriend or fiancee early on in the relationship even though that's an awkward conversation who's like hey let's go out to salt & straw and let's talk about what's okay and not okay so nobody wants to do that but talk about it and talk about it specifically not just like hey I really want to like be pure but you know talk about it what's okay what's not okay are we gonna kiss are we not gonna kiss we didn't kiss on the lips until we got engaged which I know doesn't sound very romantic but once again for me this was a giant weakness and so we were conservative so talk about what is that line for you that's not a right or wrong thing you don't have to do that but what is that line for you as a couple how are the two of you wired talk about to hold one another accountable tell your community about it your friends if you need to about it and have them help hold you accountable to that because the goal as ever my dad said my dad is here somewhere tonight if you know my dad he is old-school right no tact he's just really blunt it's really straight up I really like that about him and when I started dating and my first serious girlfriend and in high school I remember he said listen if you guys don't get married and we didn't thank God if sorry she's great though but uh it's just not that great so if you don't get married then and if two years from now five years from now ten years from now you bump into her and her future husband on the street he should be able to look you in the eye shake your hand and say thank you for taking such great care of my girl and so that's what success looks like relationship where there is no shame not only post marriage but pre marriage and you're able to walk away from a relationship saying I treated her like my sister or I treated him like my brother before my girlfriend or boyfriend and I would just add to that that I think sometimes when you're in a relationship it's really hard to kind of wrap your head around why you know like why should we not do this especially if I'm gonna marry him or especially if you know like we're heading in that direction but I I think it's really important to remember that this is for a short amount of time and you have the rest of your life once you're married to keep like do all that stuff for like ever so I mean that's cool awesome it's awesome I like but the thing is that I think I remember I mean drummer took me out to coffee and he was like actually a coffee shop and he was like hey I just want to be straight up with you like the reason I don't kiss you isn't cuz I don't really have strong feelings for you it's just because I really um you know like don't want it kiss that super hot you didn't say that but um betty was just like but it's not they don't care about you he said it's just because I feel like I just don't want to open that door in time I'm sure that I were like headed in that direction like marriage direction I was like cool like okay okay cool like that's fine and I would encourage you guys like I think that girls actually really appreciate a guy who's just straight-up with them just like be on it you know like we we have we respect that even if you don't totally have that same conviction or even totally agree there's something to be said for a guy like just like man up and be like I'm not gonna kiss you because I think you're just too pretty and I can't handle it and they'd be like oh really yeah thanks and it is it is just for a short amount of time and so that to I think is encouraging like remembering um I remember it saying to myself I'm saving myself from him for him so that like on our wedding night there's like no strings attached there's no like bad memories are guilt there's just pure you know joy and like no guilt and so I would just encourage you to remember that I'm it's not that you're you're saving yourself from them for them possibly or for somebody else but it's just for us a short amount of time like in you know in hindsight as anyway Mohsen anything dad yeah when I do a lot of relationship work and what I try to tell people is what you're doing at this point is you're proving yourself trustworthy yeah and especially for the men because I do see a leadership role for men in this area when you do the kind of thing that John Mark and Tammy are talking about you are showing that you're a trustworthy man and women when you help out you're showing you're a trustworthy woman you're setting a groundwork for the rest of your life sure Anna will celebrate 46 years of marriage on Saturday well done and it will be it'll be good and we do not want to know what that means god we'll just leave it at that aye but what happens is because we who made you the head of a theology department we we set a ground rule for trust back before we married we're both virgins and are married and that has been a groundwork for everything and I can say now you know this far into it as an old man looking at the fact of just the incredible incredible joy that Trust is between sherry and me I never have to worry about sherry finding out something about me I mean there's she knows it but we set that in our early time of a relationship and like John Mark is saying you set that same thing with everybody you're with I think it's worthwhile to be a trustworthy man or woman and you can show it I say something to that - I I do think it has to do with respect and respecting the other person as a human being it's created by God and the image of God image bearer child of God ever you want to word it but the truth is is like I mean most of you can't go up here or a lot of you aren't going to go up here to your wedding bed and I can relate to that was me in fact my wife was the only one that I did it right with we we barely made it - but my wife was a virgin when we got married but I was not and and so there there is a way in which I guess might might it that you know piggybacking on what Gary said there is for those of you that have that more of a history that maybe can relate more to mine the truth is is you do have a decision to make to do to begin doing it right and and when you say okay I don't want to do this you can begin fresh in repentance and commitment to one another to right and where do you it can look at each other and say look you you I want you to be able to trust me that I actually mean this and now when we move forward when you hold to that commitment the trust level just sinks deeper and deeper and deeper and there there is there is redemptive value in that yeah I didn't work my wife and I work myself out of like shame and guilt yeah that happens in repentance before the Lord but I did make a commitment to her until Lord and that that does prove to be trustworthy long term but it basically has to do with respect yeah - so I just throw that in there which is funny and love I mean like we read in first Corinthians and the love poem that love is patient love is impatient lust is selfish love is is self giving and is patient and so what Bude what better what more romantic way of expressing your love like we've always joked about like what if we made a Christian chick flick which I'm sure they will at some point you know and a couple goes to visit eros or whatever and they stay in separate hotel rooms so they have breakfast and she's wearing a turtleneck and they're reading their Bibles together which is awesome but there is something romantic about that about saving yourself from somebody for somebody as an act of not lust and narcissism but of self giving patient love yeah beautiful all right moving on add a little bit of a faster clip how company possibly have such beautiful red hair so take credit for any of it so this is it is it real it's real it's real for all of them and like I say my boy Moses has just a massive crush on Bethany so he's gonna listen that makes one of them after we're done yeah next up that was deep as a woman how can I be sexy without being immodest or becoming a stumbling block is being alluring sinful woman that's a great question for them to answer is as a fantastic question you go first oh okay yeah I think I think Christian culture at large has kind of told us like no turtleneck and nuts not bad turtlenecks are fine they're back in season yeah you know stay within the parameters but I think this is a question I get asked a lot like how do I let someone know I'm actually like available and also that I'm like interesting interesting yeah I got some intrigue and there's a way to do it and I just I'd kind of summarize it by say say like kind of learn how to be inviting is kind of the verbage I would use and by that I mean make yourself if you're in if someone has caught your attention or you're interested make yourself available which means you linger longer you engage you make eye contact you step away from your posse step away from your bottle do you know what I mean like you gotta like move away you're intimidating in crowds yeah you're really scared I think we over it's true I'm married still scary yeah I think as women we I mean and we love ourselves but we overthink things a lot I think it's it you can be helpful to someone if you're interested and kind of put yourself around them and ask good questions that engage them and make yourself emotionally and mentally available and I think that that's okay you know don't don't be crazy and follow me to the bathroom but you know just just learn that one the hard way yeah well there was that one time but I've worked it out since but yeah I think just just make yourself available and in engage laughter and affirmation and all those good things I would say I totally agree that and girls like women young women awesome women just I think that it's really important for a guy to know that you're actually interested in to them and like the things they have to say so when you are talking to a guy and like make eye contact ask them questions and like real questions like and then listen to their answers don't just like flip your hair like really listen then respond to them I think that guys really appreciate a woman who wants to help them and kind of partner with them and you can't do that if you're not listening so like really listen ask a questions and be available like when I say your posse like I mean all of us have like as well most of us I feel like most girls tend we do travel in packs because it's a lot more comfortable but if you know if you're interested in a guy B and you see him like get out of your crowd and just casually be by the drinking fountain that you just saw him drink at and you know if you're like oh hi just be available be inviting he should know by the time that you he asks you guys you're gonna be hanging out at the drinking fountain yes yeah guys with if only this place had drinking fountains but it's true like it's a girl like the guy should know that you're gonna say yeah like if you if like if you should be that aware that doesn't mean you need to be like oh I don't know shimmying your shoulders or anything right yeah that might be kind of weird I know what that means well you know with that anyway yeah you don't need to show us not hold off tonight yeah I may be and I think to just I think it's okay I think in the contours like kind of a stigma in like sometimes in the Christian culture that you don't to be the pursuer I hear that a lot like I don't to be the pursuer and and I agree but sometimes you need to help someone on the pursuit anyway so I think that that's okay too so I wanted to address the word pursuer because I think you can get kind of lost in that as well it's really fast I wanna keep going we're going kind of slow but you know the question does deal a little bit more like that the immodesty side is being a learning sinful you know you guys are talking a little bit more about the relationship stuff which is money it's great would you speak to that at all like is being alluring sinful I'm gonna think as a man I would say there's a difference between being alluring and flaunting your alluring NIF's yes if that is definitely not proper English you know I mean I think you can look very attractive and be I think there's something super mysterious and lovely about a woman who can wear full clothes and still be attractive and so well I would just say do the best with what you have you know what I mean like you know what none of us are models or like not hardly any of us except you there are a few only five-foot-one you ever met thank you but all that to say you know just just nice but you know make yourself up so you feel pretty and just I don't know I don't think that that's bad at all that's Jesus God gave us beauty sit delight in and men love that so but also as a man I think I would say don't underestimate the power that your body has on all men around you single and marry your boyfriend the dude passing you on the street that you don't know and what to you might not seem like a big deal to a whole lot of other people is and so one of the ways that you can serve the men in your church and the men in your city is you can help your men fight for purity you don't want to be a stumbling block you don't to be temptation you don't want your beauty and your self-worth or attraction or desire of men for you to come at the price of tempting the men around you to sin and so I think it's it's a piece of holiness you know even for you as women as we men wrestle with our sexuality and how to and not to express it I think in the same way for you women in particular those of you that have an alluring nature about you I think this is a way that you can serve your brothers by by serving them up moving on can I follow Jesus and be gay it's a great question first thing I'd say to that and I'll just I'll turn it over to you Gary in a second is you know when we when we play around with that word gay it's really helpful for me obviously this is an incredibly complex conversation it's really helpful for me to think about three dimensions of that word your desire your identity or the orientation and your action so by gay there's the sense of desire like are you attracted surely to member of opposite sex or the same sex all right so some of you are gay in that sense that you're attracted your man and your tracted to men or your women and you're attracted to women then secondly there's the identity piece or the orientation piece when you say I'm gay as a number of my friends so proclaim I'm gay and it's a way of saying this is who I am my sexuality is one of the most important things about me it's how I define myself it's my community it's the people that I know and love and that I self-identify with whether you practice or not you're saying not just I am attracted to the same sex but this is my community this is my identity and then third there is action what you're actually doing who you're actually having sex with are you a man having sex with your wife or your woman having sex with your husband or is it something else and so for me that's incredibly helpful so can I follow Jesus and be gay if bi gay you mean attracted to the same sex what's the answer to that yeah heck yeah praise Jesus can I follow Jesus and be attracted to women yes I can do that by the grace of God if bi can I follow Jesus and be gay you mean can I identify with this community I would say mad at that point we're getting into really icy ground and if can I follow Jesus and be gay bi gay you mean have sex with people of the same gender then I think that the teachings of Jesus and the New Testament authors are crystal clear and that God's design and setup and vision for human sexuality is in marriage between a man and a woman that's what we see not only in some weird line in a Leviticus that people like to quote and then throw down also something about slavery yeah but starting in Genesis from the very beginning from the picture from the paradigmatic marriage between a man and a woman between Adam and Eve for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh that is what God created all those years ago and from cover to cover every sexual ethic that we read in the scripture is whether it be the crazy Levitical laws or the rape writings of Paul in the New Testament we read one from first Corinthians you know men who have sex with men will not inherit the kingdom of God and here to the teachings of Jesus all of that it's all pointing back to this picture to this paradigm and paradigm and people want to say that Jesus never said anything about the gay issue and that's true but not really because Jesus did talk quite a bit about sexuality and he did talk quite about a bit about marriage and when he was asked about both sexuality of marriage he goes back to Genesis 2 and he says I'm with the author of Genesis 2 for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and then he says what God has joined together let no man separate so obviously because I am friends with a number of gay people gay both in same-sex attraction and gay both in the sense of having sex with members of the same sex I'm friends with a number of them so I understand what a massive wrestling this is and we're not just talking about what you do for fun this is your sexuality and your sexual orientation is core to who you are but I think I would say that it's not the most important thing about who you are the most important thing about you is not that you're gay or you're straight or you're lesbian or you're bisexual you're transgender you're queer the most important thing about you is that you're made in the image of God you're loved by the Creator who made you and he has a plan for your present for your future and his healing work is is that work in you so I don't know what you guys speak to that at all one of the things I like to do when I talk to this question is to take gay because that's such an emotion Laden word and put in a different term can I follow Jesus and be sexually active because it being heterosexual sin and homosexual sin are not different levels of sin yes so let's take gay out is one of the mistakes that we've made in the church what's you we've said all this you have about you know yeah I hear people all the time I just ran across a tree sign with a fellow he is a leader in a church and I was making my thing that if somebody had same-sex attraction they could be at any level in the church and he looked at me and said well you wouldn't let him do children's ministry would you and I thought I crawled out from under a rock I mean what do you think about the problem is the fact that somebody's gay doesn't mean they're pedophilia those are totally different things in most cases bigotry it's ridiculous so the I want to take gatas can you be a Christian and be sexually active and what we're gonna say at that point is if you are saying I'm gonna be sexually active with others somebody other than my wife her husband and Jesus is okay with that what you're doing you're saying I do not believe Jesus my Lord and I don't believe the Bible has Authority in my life that's a real problem you're not letting Jesus carry your sin and that's what Christianity is all about he's letting him carry my sin and move me toward Christ likeness can somebody be a Christian be sexually active they can but we need to move them toward being christ-like in that process and that giving myself to the lordship of Jesus Christ and the authority of Scripture is a key factor in that so I don't think gays the key issue oh there's all kinds of thing in our society they're legal and wrong biblically so the whole gay marriage thing - my judgment is that's a cultural thing it has nothing to do about authority of Scripture which says as John Marcos said well marriage is between a man and a woman lifelong committed to each other and covenant relationship faithful monogamous for a lifetime together jocular gets on this air now yeah I mean this is just such a important subject for the church period yeah and you're riding that saying like for instance I mean the the warnings against heterosexual immorality is far outweighs that of homosexual yes and in really the this question is kind of concerning in the sense that because the issue is not hetero or homosexual the question is poor Nega yes that is the issue that's the issue yeah and so to even separate it is out I I would have a question I'm not sure who asked it or whatever but I I would want to have a conversation with you about identity because I think that has a lot more to do with a social identification that you're embracing rennet is a biblical were 18 for community right there's all kinds of thing I don't I don't wanna yeah it could be anything right I mean if all of us have different issues in struggle in different ways and how we should be walked with and cared for and nurtured by friends and family and community is is unique to us as individuals so we can't pretend there like there's no universal formula but I guess the question I have just I would ask I would just want to know more about the identity yes I just think it's tragic that in the church we have not done a good job of parsing out how we think about attraction and activity right so gay attraction is not sin it's not if you're here and you're attracted to members of the same sex that is not sin any more than the fact that I'm attracted to my beautiful lovely wife but I am attracted to women and that is not sin sin is what I do with that we're going to Kauai this summer praise Jesus we have a hookup over there and I will sit on the beach at Hanalei Bay where South Pacific was filmed and it will be amazing and there will be a bunch of in modest women there that will I'll be reading my book I'll be reading my 600 page theology book or whatever and I'll look up on whoa you are not in T right um that's gonna happen and then my wife will glare at me so that's not sin if I in that moment I'm attracted to that woman that is not sin what is sin is what I do with it do I lust do I take a second look do I fantasize do I go up and flirt with her do I have an affair all of that is sin but the fact that I'm attracted to her is not that just means that's the way I'm wired from birth and so if you're hearing you're gay in the sense of you're attracted to members of the same sex I just want you to hear that's not even sin and it's sad that we've created a culture often in the church where we have some gay people in the sense of same-sex attraction and you are living a far more holy life than the majority of people who are heterosexual but you might feel guilt and shame and embarrassment where a heterosexual couple that's dating and fooling around and doing a bunch of stuff they shouldn't do they show up for church and they just feel great about themselves and that's on us and so we just want to apologize if you are in the church and you are wrestling to submit your sexuality to the lordship of Jesus we just want to say we're proud to know you and we love you and you're some of the best men and women I've ever met in my life and you are incredible you could do anything in the church you can be an elder in the church you can be a deacon you could do my job as a holy man or woman as a follower of Jesus that is submitting your sexuality to the lordship of Jesus and so we're just proud of you and we want to apologize I can't speak on behalf of millions of followers of Jesus all over the world but I know that I speak for a lot of us when I say that we are sorry for those of you inside the church and those of you outside you're not followers of Jesus we just want to say we're so sorry not for standing for what we believe but for how we've done it in ways that have been hypocritical and judgmental and stupid and not thinking and not even biblical and so we just want to ask your forgiveness and say that this church and I speak for dozens of churches all over the Greater Portland area this is a place where you're welcome like the rest of us to wrestle with what it looks like to submit your sexuality to Jesus yeah I've been dating the guy for eight years Wow sorry it's like hopefully you were 12 we started dating as juniors in high school okay we love each other but how do we know if we are the one that I can't say if you don't know by now I mean I don't know I'd say if you don't know by now like it's not I told my wife if we didn't know within a year she was gone all right well it's a good thing you're not sexist that's great no I honestly did and she thought well we'll see and then we were engaged in seven months so like but the truth was is that I just if I didn't know by that time we probably weren't serious enough about the conversation yes possibly you're overthinking it yeah and maybe there's fear or divorce and your parents or something there that's a cheapy I come from a broken family all the way back to both grandparents on both sides so I get it there's some fear of heading in the wrong direction so you don't want ahead in any that's a complex deal yeah but I mean I think I would say that's not a healthy place to be you know dating for eight years I mean there's an extreme situation like we know a couple that literally I don't remember their names but we were not really good friends with them but hey let's really started dating when you guys were in middle school right and then they end up married and then I hooked him up oh that's just cruel that's just me why didn't know 12 good idea and they you know they've an amazing marriage and that's great but they I would say are the exception to the rule that's one percent of the time you know so I think that most the time with eight years in you don't know that means you know and maybe there is some kind of you know baggage and past thing that you're you're wrestling through that you need to just get helium-4 and freedom from and I would I would figure that out soon because that's not a healthy place to stay because a relationship should have inertia too it should have moved either forward towards or away from marriage with every single cup of coffee yeah friend of mine who's a singles minister in a large Church in California wrote a book called call it love or call it quits and I think what happens I've seen it so many times is one or the other will be playing with either use them to satisfy an emotional needs and waiting for the right one to come along and I I don't think you should get real serious about dating until you're ready to move toward marriage yeah or at least in the direction of it yeah hang out and get to know people and when you're ready to start exploring serious about marriage then go into dating and my base formula is three months friendship no-touch three months romantic limited touch mentoring one got Thursday night it does give a pattern 3 months romance limited touch mentoring one month private commitment we think it's right chicken with key people three months engagement and get married is about a year yeah you're a planner yeah now that's it cuz yeah that becomes a principle that can be done widely but what I find in the relationship I work with that really helps people understand that there's stages to a relationship and if it's not moving ahead then have exit points and don't kill each other and then you're talking about somebody that's at a spa oh yeah yeah this is not the teen or freshman in college or whatever yeah so and I would just say before before we hop on I would agree with that but I'd also just say I mean we knew really early on like before we ever went on a date I was basically ready to marry you but we were 12 so he's had to wait no we were 19 but um so but I would say I know for a lot of you it's not that clear watch my sister actually go through this one of my sister's is here tonight but the other one is this great gal that I've done in LA she's married to this amazing guy fashion designer loves Jesus they have a fantastic marriage and it took them years to figure out whether or not they should get married and I flat out said to her sis you don't know by now that means he's not the one and he's awesome but sorry and she proved me wrong and they have a fantastic marriage and so you might be the type of person like me I'm really like I know what I want let's go for it or you might be more indecisive and you second guess everything you think and you're scared or you're a good decision maker meaning you're paranoid either way whatever so don't feel pressure that you have to know in three months or seven months saying you have to be ready for engagement for some people it does take two or three years but I don't think eight years it might take a little yeah though I would kind of say that I think you should I think it's my my advice to you would be that it's time to have like a really candid talk and just say okay we are either going to go directionally this way or we're gonna be done so let's give it three months to actually decide the direction we're gonna go and let's do something about that sometimes I mean I don't know sometimes people get really comfortable in that in that you know it's been like this for seven years or eight years you know they don't they yeah it's just easier to not change it so sweet all right next up we got him we got to move faster I was sexually abused and I've been struggling with my faith how do you address people who feel too broken to be loved by God one of the things that I like to do in a situation like this is where I can have a relationship as a pastor with a person like this is to take first John 1:9 very seriously first John 1:9 says if you confess your sin and confess means put your heart into words and your sin is a simple possessing it can be son sin done by me to me or in my presence that defiles me and what I like to do is somebody like this with their boyfriend or girlfriend if that's possible if that's realistic is to have them take that sin in the presence of a priest a spiritually wise person will help them through it and confess that speak it to Jesus his promise is that he is faithful means he'll stand the relationship he is just he does everything righteously and he will forgive sin and cleanse dirtiness and what I found is that done with a bit of wisdom by a priest it can be incredibly healing what Satan does is don't tell anybody because they'll they'll despise you yeah and Satan will despise you Jesus will love and heal you yeah I know it just really bothers me because I think when human dignity is robbed we have a really hard time embracing who we are in Christ because your dignity's been robbed and I don't I don't know who you are but I'd honestly like to talk to you would you email me oh my emails Chuck at Colossae Church Dora I'm dead serious whoever you are I don't honestly I was just sitting here thinking I just I really like to talk to you um but when human dignity is robbed it really messes with us and what happens is is you you turn you are a victim and you actually feel like you deserved it yeah and there is there is much freedom and much redemption to be had in that conversation with you so yeah I honestly don't it's just so it's I just want to say before we move on um that what happened to you was not your fault it was not and don't let any lies slip into your mind to rationalize that history it's not it's myth it's lie it's horrific what happened was not your fault and I want to say that what happened was not God's fault it was not his will it was not his plan he was not in control of it God's and control is a phrase that's used all over the church that's never once used anywhere in the older New Testaments never once God was not in control of that what happened to you was demonic and evil and dark and God is not calling you to say I was in kannada is suffering with you through that and god is grieving with you and jesus knows what it's like to be abused and he knows what it's like to be robbed of his identity and stripped of his humanity and he is not only grieving with you but he has the power by his spirit to do a healing work and you i'm watching that and a friend of mine a good friend of mine who has the most horrific abuse story I've ever heard in my entire life and I'm a pastor so I've heard a lot and I'm watching it is not easy I'm not going to to you but I'm watching Jesus to his healing work so I just want to say it was not your fault it was not God's fault God is with you and your suffering and his healing power is there I hope and I pray to comfort you an email Chuck let me say one more thing some of you're out here and you have abused somebody else and you're not the victim of abuse you're the perpetrator of abuse and I want to say that same thing to you I will say it is your fault but it may not be it's always complicated talk to somebody about it don't don't don't buy the lie of Satan talk to somebody about it there's incredible healing and restoration I love this dress tration stories I hate the sinner who says the the devil who says to the sinner you're too dirty to be loved Jesus proved the opposite yeah and all that we are we all love to talk about how Jesus loved the oppressed we forget to talk about is that Jesus also loved the oppressor Zacchaeus was a disciple of Jesus yeah you've all right moving on whoo honeymoons in England come on seriously London England faint I do it was fantastic it's absolutely awesome we just went back actually in January for I'm not gonna tell you about it who's awesome how close can platonic friends of the opposite sex be what is appropriate in a friendship and where should the line of garden your heart start does the Bible say anything about two best friends of the opposite sex good luck that's you talk to us as I speak on behalf of all single women everywhere all right I love this question cuz it's actually a part of my story in a really big way it's impacted me a lot I was used to be under the umbrella in the camp of guy and girl best friendships and then I quickly learned that's probably not a good idea and here's why it's something I call snacking which I think we do in the church it's a little ridiculous but it's helpful just wait kind of like the the tent thing the camping yes that was terrible I'm good the first metaphor was good thank you it's all the Instagram guys like a woman who cares let's do it yeah yeah and then you let him down yeah sorry I think there's a fine line when it comes to relationships of men and women and I here's the deal this is personal this is like my opinion and it's my experience but I think wisdom says you need to be very careful about the relationships you're walking in with men and women I have some great good close guy friends who I love trust and respect I'm on a staff full of guys who are awesome and godly and righteous and they're good friends but there's a fine line when it comes to intimacy and commitment and when those things get flip-flopped there's some danger zones and that's when snacking begins so I would say if there's any kind of intimacy between your friendships your best friendship that looks a little bit gray a little bit a little bit too close to a relationship kind of behavior there's a there's something that should go off in your head and kind of go am i acting like I'm in a relationship with this person we're texting we're calling late at night we're just good friends we're just good friends were just good friends if there is intimacy without some sort of Kim or boundary it's a danger zone every time and I talk to girls all the time because I get to do that it's the best part of my job but I talked to a lot of women who are engaging in relationships and they're giving a lot of their selves away emotionally sometimes even physically but it's just here there and it's every once in a while and I think he likes me but I'm not sure and it's cool we're just best friends so it's no big deal but I think here's where we use our wisdom and we we have to as much as we regard ourselves physically in a sexual relationship we have to guard ourselves emotionally as well and be wise about what we're giving to other people and I know people like ah but we're best friends in it and and maybe you're the exception to the rule well done Bravo I wasn't and I thought I was exempt you know and I just think it's a dangerous zone intimacy without commitment is messy every single time good word well said I mean obviously that's an opinion Pete at the wisdom T's scriptures don't address that it's like it's sin right but I'm with Bethany well done next question one or two more I've been told by a man who is pursuing me that I was not good enough for him because he has saved himself for marriage what an idiot well I have a sexual past is he justified in saying so I know the Lord had forgiven me from my past and I am now say saving myself for my future husband but I don't know how to respond sounds like he wasn't good enough for her yeah [Applause] they just something that comes up here is relationships as a two-way thing and if he says that I can't trust you because of your past then that could be a legitimate statement but it's a hard one I've been mentoring a relationship that has exactly this issue going on and what happened is they decide to stand it and work through it and they're now engaged and moving toward marriage and they're doing really well but they had to both face their issues with this but the reality is if if you're a guy like if you're this guy and say I can't trust it then say that upfront and walk away yep but also dealing with an issue of the gospel yes absolutely you don't it the guy doesn't didn't understand the gospel and that that's the most troublesome thing for me there and then also to think that all of your desires in a wife will be Matt's period sorry dude there's just a whole nother deal there's so what you're saying is that if you're in that situation where one of you is a virgin or whatever and one of you is not that's an amazing opportunity whether it's the man of the woman who's the virgin to basically be like Jesus to that person Jesus who is sinless and you're not so most clearly but it's an amazing example opportunity to be like Jesus and and that is a ton of couples I know that on our church a lot of people think if you're a virgin that you know you're 1% you're 2% and that that percentage is actually way higher at least in our church and our church as people from all over the spectrum people have been following Jesus for a few months or barely following Jesus but I think it's about over half of our church is still I'm a virgin and so I mean just statistically that means about half of couples out there are in that kind of situation and and so if you're there we're not trying to deal a gymnast eyes what kind of pain that is for you if you've saved yourself and now the man or the woman that you're falling in love with has not like that that sin was done by them to you before they even knew your name and so we're not saying oh it doesn't matter like they're like no you probably need to work through that and we're through the healing process where you forgive them but the right response isn't for you to dump them in the name of Jesus like that's just really satanic the right seriously the right response is for you to be like Jesus to them and for you to extend forgiveness on behalf of Jesus to them because we all need to hear from giveness not just from God but from one another so we need God from the Scriptures in the spirit say John mark I know what you did but you're forgiven and I need my wife I need Chuck I need my friends to say John mark what God said is correct you are forgiven innervating the person you're dating yes yes that's the beauty that's the power if you're dating somebody you have that opportunity and also in marriage you have the opportunity to cover each other for more than just sexual sins that's the thing about when you get married you have even if you marry somebody who's a virgin there will come a time where you have to cover that that person a computer they have to cover you you know I mean there's it's it's two-sided like there will be times where you cover them and the times where they cover you and that's the beauty of unless you marry me and I'm perfect hey totally and humble yeah my wife's not sarcastic all right how about one more let's take it what is married in the eyes of God if you are engaged and have committed to God your life as a couple why is it then wrong to become more intimate well the first thing I would say is that marriage is not just in the sight of God marriage is in the sight of God your family your friends we live in the most individualistic society in the history of the world and we want to make everything about us and God us and God us and God it's about me and Jesus about there is no us in God there's us and God there's no me in Jesus there's us and Jesus we follow Jesus in community Jesus never called one disciple he called 12 like we followed Jesus together so there's no such thing as married in God's eyes that isn't married in the eyes of family and friends that's what we see in Genesis for this reason a man shall leave father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh so marriage isn't just hey were cool in God's eyes it's that we're also by father by mother by family by friends it's a commitment to God and it's a commitment to one another and it's a commitment to the community around you so you stay faithful to each other right Gary yeah that well the marriage ceremony can vary a lot and you don't have to have a $50,000 wedding to be married what you do have to have as John Mark has said is you have somebody started to class yeah really that was a dad yeah it the some of the marriage customs I mean I really think marriages should be a lot simpler than they are yeah but they the commitments for God family and friends and you need other people's help to do well in a marriage this is saying it's we don't want anybody to know we just want to live together and we're good in God's eyes we don't have to tell anybody else and what you're doing at that point is you're saying that you don't believe in marriage you're believing and shacking up yeah and trust me in order to marry and have a healthy marriage you need a community trust me if you want to do marriage well no matter how much you love Jesus no matter how stellar your character is you need community and that I would argue for our marriage as health like frankly I don't know how the heck we do without our community I live our mission immunity and then other people that God have brought into our life to mentor us in marriage like I just can't even fathom doing that just you and me poor girl I feel so bad for you and so I feel bad for you already we have a lot of help so like we need to do marriage not only pre marriage or post marriage in community get a mentor for your relationship early on don't wait until three weeks before you're gonna get married as soon as you start getting Wow this could be the one get a mentor in your life you set the ground rules of your relationship wisely and well it's ways or do it right the first time than to undo it and fix it later on yeah yeah there's a little bit of the individualized idea of being a believer a walk walking with Jesus there yeah in that question there's also it seems to me and I don't I don't want to impose something but I'd be a little bit concerned that you're not you're asking that question to validate what you've already rationalized and and so what's that yeah that you're you've already rationalized doing things outside of the context of marriage and so you want a validation and unfortunately you're not gonna get it from us I don't think if you ask enough people you'll probably get it and if they're Christian you can then justify it and that is they're a Christian that's Gary right I'm just kidding Gary as long as you schedule it all right you want to do one more yep one more all right give us a good line Gerald whoever's up there is it gonna blow up no as a single person what are some practical steps I can take now to prepare for marriage that's a great great question um if you're hearing you're married we did get a number of questions about marriage and tonight's kind of for the most part geared to people that aren't married yet or maybe you're here and you're just newly married or whatever so ask your pastor or whatever I think she should say yeah she is doing it that's a great question to end on yeah and since I'm this single don't mess this up yeah a lot of pressure here I think one of the first things I think of is figuring out your relationship with Jesus I think it's the best step you can take learning to love him with your heart your soul your mind your strength and that sounds really churchy and cheesy but it's sincerely hard the longer you followed Jesus so working out your salvation as Paul would say that means pressing and it means I the prayer I pray the most in my singleness is teach me to number these days that I may gain a heart of wisdom because I Lord willing we won't always have these days of freedom where I can push in and get Jesus in a way that maybe I'd have to share different kind of time and affection and so I would first start investing in my relationship with Jesus that means being community with people and working that out it means sitting with Gary and asking them questions about theology and wrestling through things that means getting a mentor it means sitting under awesome teaching do everything you can to exploit this time in your affection for Jesus so that would obviously be the first thing practical steps you know the older I get the less I have to ask for wedding gifts you know for every birthday I'm like I just go ahead and send me that you know mixer because they'll just cut that off so practically ha ha ha I ask for good gifts on your birthday start to check off that wedding list and you can ask for a TV when you get married ok or whatever you want I'll also get to Haiti the older I get the more I'm asking for those gifts now I think just also just figure out how to do relationships and do it well get in relationships that you have to wrestle in you know friendships where you're willing to fight for things and the older you get the more you'll want to do that but get around people who challenge you and push back and and as a single person it's really easy to isolate yourself and kind of just hop to and fro relationship and just you know go to salt & straw and whatever and stay out late but really it's about pressing into relationships and learning who you are in relationships as well because that's gonna teach you a lot also practical step I'd say go to counseling as well just I mean just for free get to know yourself as well and yeah ascott you know if this is the time to get healing and to grow and your person and I always say that because I'm a big advocate for it but those are just some a few practice and we do also maybe say it was all Fanta fantastic stuff would you also maybe say really get clarity around your vocation your calling from God your job your career compress in time think he'll do you that's I maybe mind never mind sorry it's beautiful right there 29 so I'm yeah point you have a graduate degree you know what you're called to do right how God's wired you to Pastor women you're doing that you're through college you're through graduate degree you're working you know so like you're just an amazing example of somebody who's not just sitting around for a decade of her life waiting for a guy or whatever but if actually you chasing after what God's put in your heart and so when a man comes into your life like you have clarity around what you're called to do and so you'll know if this is a man that you can help and partner and and link arms with and serve Jesus with you know so the more that you can get there's that great proverb I love it and I'm so sorry I'm gonna miss quote it now but it says get your fields ready and afterwards build your house yeah and fields in the ancient Near East were your source of income so it's a way of saying like figure out you're supposed to income your career your job your calling what God's made you to do what you're good at what you're bad at what you're gonna do and then build your house house of course was metaphor not just for like the place you live but for your family and for your friend and for your marriage and so first like figure that I figure out what God's called you to do whether you're a sixteen year old guy or a 29 year old women or wherever you're out in the spectrum figure out what God's made you for and start doing it like don't wait to get here there's so much stuff that you can do if you're single that you can't do when you're man it's like 1st corinthians 7 go read is an entire chapter in the new testament to single people and i piggyback on that so all that said I would talk undred percent agree with that on a personal level if I could go back I would have worked harder at getting over myself before I got married I mean I don't let over myself right I feel like yeah that's exactly my point is that like not you it sounded bad I think but I think that often times we're trying to find the right person rather than trying to become the right person right yeah and in in that I think it's a self-centeredness that anti Jesus anti gospel it's it's totally opposes what the life to Jesus invite us into and and then to begin to do that prior to marriage is going to be a huge benefit to you and to your spouse future spouse you know I've just found as a pastor sometimes we just work was I work with so many single people and watch them move progress through that often towards marriage so often the single people that are just pining away after marriage just like all they think about how you do it not married yet well okay cool have a good day so but the people that are just craving it you know there ends up with a lot of idealism and they're really discontent single and often those are the people that have the hardest marriages and the people that are as a general rule content single like to over like dude I mean come on like ask a girl out they often have a really good healthy amazing marriage because there's not all that idealism and they've learned how to be a healthy thriving human being single and the reality is that if you're not happy single you won't be happy married and it's better to be unhappy and single that unhappy and married because you can't change the second one seriously there's a lot of single people that they wish they were married and it's we joke about it but it's not funny there's a lot of married people wish they were single and so right now I just end on this note like you are becoming your future right now in this moment and the odds are that you will marry somebody who is a mirror of your character of your body of your whatever of your education but the odds are and of course there are exceptions to the rule who marry a great good for 1% of you most of us you should not work about work on marrying up just try to find somebody who will live with you okay because the problem is you're trying to marry up what you forget is that persons trying to marry up too so you're not there okay so of course does the exception of the rule the 1% but that's just what they are for the vast majority of us we will marry some of the use of mayor of our characters so if you're not saving yourself sexually then don't expect your future spouse to do that if you're not invest in your life and your career your job your future what God's call it then don't expect to marry somebody who has inertia a movement and clarity but what God's stirring up in them to do if you're not serious about following Jesus then don't expect to marry some guy who's mister a spiritual awesome amazing guy is going to show you all the ropes and I'll figure it all out then or vice versa like you all the odds are marry somebody who's a mirror of your character and I thought to put it all on you it kind of is like right now you're becoming your future so your future marriage is not something that's separated from your present singleness like there are two sides of the same coin that the beginning and the end of the exact same story so right now I invest your life in the kingdom of God and more specifically invest your life and following Jesus as a disciple of Jesus if you're a disciple of Jesus that means you have three goals one learn Jesus teachings to become more like Jesus everyday and three carry on Jesus work in the world whose kingdom vision that's it you wake up tomorrow morning you got three things on your to-do list unless if you're so poor but you have three things on your to-do list learn Jesus teachings here you're never gonna live that down you know I think the world of you but um I agree with 98% of what Gary says learn Jesus teachings become more like Jesus and carry on Chi's work in the world and just the end you know one of my favorite stories is in the Sermon on the Mount which is a collection of Jesus most famous teachings Jesus tells the story and if you grew up with Sunday School like it's a really bad song that goes with it but these two houses and one on the sand on the rock you know that I like the rain cam it's that it's really bad hunts embarrassing that I know that so house in the rock how can the sand storm comes out the house that was built in the sand you know it falls parts house they built from the rock it's good so you all know that but what a lot of us forget is that I'm a house was a metonymy or a metaphor for in the ancient world for your marriage and for your family so this wasn't just a random metaphor this was a specific one about your marriage but your family and about how you're building the house of your life so some of you right now you don't even have a girlfriend you don't even have somebody that you like and you are right now laying the foundation for your house laying the foundation for your future marriage and for your future God willing family should God not call you to singleness which some of you will and should god grace youth marriage and so how you live now matters and the point of Jesus teaching is that if you build your life on obedience to his teachings the rock then you will do well if and when no when the storms the hardship of life comes but if you don't do that if you build your life on disobedience to Jesus teachings if you go your own way you chuck it I know what we read and Bible of offers Corinthians but I do my own thing I'm this I'm that this my identity this is how I express we're married in God's eyes you know we're living together like whatever it is is there grace sure but you're building your entire house you're building your marriage your family on the sand and obviously that's not what you want to do right the vast majority of you are followers of Jesus it's oh I'm so happy to be here with you so happy to know hundreds of you dozens of you I don't know a lot of you so happy to link arms with you and follow Jesus so may you do that well may you become your future in the here and now and may God grace you with contentment if happiness with fulfillment and satisfaction married single a straight may you be filled with the Spirit of God in the here and the now you

Channel: Brian Bull

Views: 5,894

Rating: 4.8378377 out of 5

Keywords: Solid Rock, Solid Rock A Jesus Church, The Bridge, A Jesus Church, westside a jesus church, Church, Gospel, John Mark Comer, Portland, Portland Oregon, Sermon, Pastor, Calling, identity, jesus, transformation, sermon, bible, kingdom of god, kingdom, dominic done, book of ephesians, ephesians, phil comer, loveology book, author john mark comer, questions and anwsers, song of songs

Id: DBNf-HzWMJs

Length: 81min 8sec (4868 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 25 2018