Loveology/Dating/Various

so to start off disclaimer it is pretty much impossible to teach from the Scriptures which is kind of how I do it and Tim as well about dating because the Bible says absolutely nothing about dating at least in the strict sense of the word relationships yes romance of course dating no and that's because dating as we know it is less than a century old the scriptures were written thousands of years ago a different language on a different content to a very different kind of culture because of that the Scriptures don't tell you how to date or court or whatever your style is every form of romance has pros and cons in any attempt to claim one is biblical is a doomed to failure if you want to argue for what's biblical technically it's arranged marriage and I doubt really that many of you want to go down that path Melissa if you're a parent and then you're a fan so I am and so now that I'm married and I have kids I'm all for it so although interesting one study and it's been redone a number of times of American and Indian marriages in the East where marriage is still for the most part arranged found that by average on average by the 10-year anniversary couples with arranged marriages were far happier than couples in the West who married for love so just to think about it ask your mom and dad who you should marry now as you know some of the Scriptures are maybe this language is familiar to you descriptive and others are prescriptive meaning most of the love stories that we read in the Bible and there's actually quite a few from Adam and Eve down to Abraham and Sarah and Jacob and Rachel and then of course the Song of Songs most of the love stories in the Bible are descriptive so there's no command you know a man shall ask a woman out and he shalt bring flowers on the first date which shalt be for dinner and a movie like that's that's not there all right now as a general rule and this is kind of my rule of thumb where the scriptures are dogmatic we should be dogmatic where the scriptures are ambiguous we should be kind of fuzzy and laid-back and open-minded and where the scriptures are silent we should shut the heck up so I wanted to make it crystal clear that we're waiting as we talk about dating we're waiting into the taury of opinion also keep in mind that some things are a biblical and other things are anti biblical a biblical meaning they aren't in the Bible but they aren't at odds with it anti biblical meaning they aren't in the Bible but they are at odds right for example culturally you know if you were born maybe not anymore but if you were born back in the day it's the man's responsibility to bring flowers to the woman is that a biblical or anti-biblical it's a biblical right it's nothing about that in the scriptures but it's in line with kind of the thinking and the feeling of the biblical writers but it's also the norm culturally for couples to sleep together after a few days now is that a biblical or anti-biblical yeah anti the latter so all that to say we have freedom in how we go about the journey from hi what's your name - I now pronounce you man and wife whatever you want to call that dating relationships courting whatever but that freedom needs to be shaped by what the Scriptures do have to say about love ology about a theology of marriage and sexuality and all the rest so how's that for the disclaimer to end all disclaimers that said let's move on to a short history of dating because as you may or may not know it's a newcomer on the scene and at least for me it's helpful to think about how we got to where we're at so it wasn't that long ago that your parents would have made the call on who you married for millennia marriage was arranged by your parents or maybe by your village because marriage wasn't just about you how narcissistic who would ever think that marriage was about your family merit marriage was about your mom your dad marriage was about your clan or your tribe or your village marriage was about so much more than a man and a woman's feelings that's how it was all over the world and still is in a number of places including the east and so in some cultures like early Jewish culture around the time that the scriptures were written you didn't even meet your wife at times until your wedding day and other cultures as we kind of evolved over time you had a say or at least a voice into who you married but either way your spouse was picked out for you because who you married was considered way too important of a decision to leave up to a cup of couple of amorous emotionally incontinent lovers then in the middle ages you see the beginning of what we think of as chivalry so you have Don Quixote right in that story the knight in shining armor you have marriage for love you have the romantic period starting to get going still though for the most part at least in the upper classes marriage was arranged it wasn't until the 19th century that culture made the shift to calling which is what it was called the woman actually usually started the process not the man she would let a man know that she was interested and then he would get permission from her mom or her dad or father and he would come calling on her the couple would spend time at the woman's home usually in the parlor if it was cold outside or on the front porch nothing was done in secret the relationship was on display in public out in the open the family was still very much involved but it gave more freedom for the man and the woman to pick and choose early in the 20th century so not that long ago now people started dating now the word date was used as slang for getting a prostitute early on yep true story but over time it's hopefully lost that meeting dating it actually started with the urban poor so as the West urbanized a particular in New York City there were no more parlors or there were no more front porches so the couple would go out on the town and then with the birth of the entertainment culture which obviously you know well dating spread up the socio-economic ladder and into culture at large at this point romance became fully absolutely disconnected from the family so the family may or may not be involved but the relationship is now closed off private it happens at a restaurant or in a park or at a concert or a bar or in a bedroom I think we're actually past dating to a new form of romance now couples start with sex and what used to come at the end of a romantic relationship as the kind of sought-after prize once you cross the finish line into marriage now comes at the beginning of a relationship man and a woman meet at a party at a bar on a trip for work at a nightclub whatever they sleep together instant gratification then if they feel like they are a good fit they want to start a relationship fine if not they move on I'm not sure there's a name for this other than screwed up now with the exception of the last one there is good and bad in all of these right so you can kiss dating goodbye and hug Gordian hello or whatever your style is but the reality is that there are pros and cons to each one and in the attempt to say this one's biblical is just not right but that said we all know there are some ways to date that are wise and others that just aren't wise at all so here's a few case studies this is stuff I see in my church and even though we're kind of on the other end of the west coast where there's a lot more beards and flannel still everybody has beards and Flamel even though women in my city have beards in flannel so so there's a few case studies of how kind of not to date this is what I see in the culture of bridge town Church I'm apart my guess is some of it will make sense to you here so first is what I would call dating as shopping so these are people with the lists you know I'm talking about he needs to be 6 1 thin but muscular well-dressed but not too stylish and vain successful but not too driven well off but not greedy you know and on down the list and these people walk into a room and they start scanning for somebody who fits the profile right and usually the the focus is on stuff that's skin deep literally like so in a church you have a church that's thousands of people like reality LA or whatever in the same ten women get asked out over and over and over again this is basically a narcissistic way to go about dating my advice is that if you have a list either throw it away or keep it really really really short and make sure it's not all stuff that skin-deep and it's not wrong you know to kind of know what you want and a spouse or a partner fantastic but keep an open mind and treat every date or every conversation or every cup of coffee not as shopping does he or she fit the profile oh you have 25 of the 39 but you're not quite there instead treat it as learning this is what a date should be a date should be a time to learn somebody I want to see who God made this person to be I want to see what God is at work doing in this man or this woman and of course yeah I want to see if that's a good fit for who God made me to be but either way I simply over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine or an evening together or a day at the beach I want to celebrate who this person is is an image-bearer of God and what Jesus is doing in their life so that's one kind of wrong way to do it dating is shopping another I see is dating as the search for the one so as I said before there's this long-standing urban legend about the one the idea that out there somewhere is you are missing half or maybe it's the language of soulmate who was made to complete you and while all of that is romantic sounding it is not only a biblical I would argue it's anti-biblical it's dangerous and it's damaging so this idea does not come from the Scriptures but actually from another ancient writing by Plato called the symposium some of you have read it I'm sure for college Plato Plato and his overview of Greek mythology tells this story that originally humans were androgynous with four arms four legs two faces and both male and female genitalia they were starting a rebellion against the Greek pantheon so Zeus the king of the Greek gods came up with a plan he split humans in half into male and female so they were at half strength and he had twice as many servants and Everitt so he's kind of a brilliant guy and ever since in Greek mythology we have been searching for our missing half our soul mate who is out there to complete us now contrary to that the Scriptures clearly teach that in the language of Paul all have what sinned and fall short of the glory of God meaning we're all screwed up we're all in processed none of us are fully who God made us to be at least not yet and so there is as Tim Keller said every other person on the planet at some level is a bad match for you there's no perfect human being out there who is you're missing half that's Plato that's not Jesus that's not the biblical authors so my advice and dating is don't hunt for the one get to know somebody and see if they are a bad match but not nearly as bad as all the others on the planet so that's maybe a little bit of a cynical way to think about it I don't mean it in a negative way at all but seriously this search I think it's paralyzing for people I know people than in a dating relationship and they're a great match and they're a good fit and they're in love and there's hope for the future and like similar calling but there's this you know well I don't know I don't like two things about her I don't think she's the one well maybe she's just kind of annoying in those two things and I'm sure you have about 27 of those all right so I'm third if you're taking notes is dating what I would call dating as Moses and the burning bush here's what I mean by that these are people who God bless them take dating way too seriously and what that looks like in the church is they pray about it to an unhealthy degree now don't hear me wrong I'm all for prayer I'm all for listening prayer I'm all for Holy Spirit what are you saying but what happens is that people pray and pray and pray and pray for a month for six months for a year should I ask her out should I ask her out by the time they feel like yes God told me to take you out for dinner they might as well be saying hi what's your name will you marry me and and then they have all this weird you know hey God told me to take you out for coffee things like it's funny cuz God left me in the dark on that and you're creepy so know right and then sometimes people start dating and a few months into the relationship it's all fine but they're really not a good fit but then they have this sense you know God told me to go out to coffee with her I that means therefore I should marry her or whatever and so this is when you have people who break up and this is the classic like cheesy Church culture line why did you break up oh I don't know I just and that piece about it is that is that a la thing instead of supporting the thing like I didn't have peace about it it's like see you mean you're passive-aggressive and you don't how to deal with conflict and say sorry because that's it's the same thing so my advice is be honest calm down a bit earth to reality don't hyper spiritual highs dating of course I'm all for I just want to rewrite them all for listening prayer and all for have Jesus invade your life with what he wants but don't hyper spiritual eyes it in the negative sense of the word then last I would say of course you have dating is hanging out so this is basically the exact opposite end of the spectrum or people treat dating kind of like goofing off or no more so something to be a couple you know in our church and hey are you guys dating we're like hanging out what does that even mean like oh we're just like you know we're hanging out cool bro like whatever so you mean you're just irresponsible you don't know where you're going with your life and you really have no clarity and you're not like there's no conviction oh cool yeah that's what I thought you meant you're just hanging out so if you're not ready if you're not ready to move towards marriage fine but don't lead somebody on who is so don't stall it might be cool with you to spin your wheels for a decade of your life and waste time but that's not cool to do to somebody else don't expect somebody else to waste their life like you god bless you just happy you're here show some in my first and only invite to LA so moving on here's a few case studies of not to go about dating but what's the right way to go about it so that really is the question right that's all stuff that it sounds via the laughter is not all that foreign in LA as in Portland but it feels like as a generation we're flying blind least when it comes to relationships whether you want to call that dating or courting or whatever you want to title you want to slap on it it feels like we're kind of flying blind we know how not to do it yeah that's lame that's lame that's lame but we're not sure how to do it because we don't have really a picture or a paradigm to show the way which is where I think the song of songs come in so turn there one more time see you Song of Songs this time let's start off in Chapter two and I want to take a little bit of time here again as I said before most of the book is about sex but not all of it a good deal of it is about this relationship and the story between a king like figure and this woman called the Shulamite which is a village where she was from and it's it's honestly not easy to interpret if you ever read this and you think I'm kind of lost yeah well welcome to the club and part of that's because it's poetry but that said there are glimpses all the way through of what a healthy relationship looks like meaning the kind of relationship that God puts his stamp of approval on it says yes well done hey write that down in fact put that in the scriptures I think that in this ancient poem we have the picture or the paradigm that we need to construct a relationship that will carry you to your wedding day and past it with joy so in the song as I read it there are four marks of a healthy relationship whether you want to call that relationship dating or not is up to you but there are four marks and we'll talk about the line the friends and the journey to the day but first we'll begin what I would call the chase so the beginning of the poem we read about the king and this woman the Shulamite out on a date basically and this first part is written in the woman's voice which makes it all the more interesting so Song of Songs chapter 2 let's start off in verse 8 she's speaking listen my beloved here he comes leaping across the mountains bounding over the hills my beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag so good look let's just say that to your boyfriend sisters does look like a young stag today honey so there he stands behind our wall gazing through the windows peering through the lattice my beloved spoke and said to me arise my darling my beautiful one come with me see the winter has passed the rains are over and gone flowers appear on the earth the season of singing has come the cooing of doves is heard in our land the fig tree forms its early fruit the blossoming vines spread their fragments arise come my darling my beautiful one come with me and then this is the man speaking my dove and the clefts of the rock and the hiding places of the mountainside show me your face let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely the opening story is of springtime love it's a vivid picture of this man calling out this woman he comes to her home like the young stag that he is and the first words on his lips are quote arise my darling my beautiful one and come with me Becky says that not once but twice at the beginning and at the end of the poem so he's wooing this woman he's calling her to come away and that I would argue is the man's job to chase to pursue to draw the woman into a relationship and the next stanza he writes my dove and the clefts of the rock and the hiding place in the mountainside show me your face and I love that line let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely so he's coaxing this woman out of hiding he's creating a safe place for her where she can be open and vulnerable he's calling her out hey you're beautiful I'm here I'm after you I want to know who you actually are but it's not like the Shulamite this woman is passive in the chase at all she's anything but shy and the opening stands of the book she says if you read chapter one take me away with you let us hurry which is just awesome so she wants this man like hey you mister take me away I'm waiting right she wants this man to take her away she wants this man to chase after her so she lets the King know hey I'm here and I'm waiting and I want you to knock on my door and I think that there's something in here about how God intended male and female relationships to thrive it is a two-way street for sure hey take me away I'm waiting come out my darling but I think it is the man's job to instigate to activate to take the first step and I say that because from Genesis 2 all the way on men are called to lead it's Adam that's first on the ground Eden it's Adam that sings over his wife it's Adam that calls her woman not the other way around it's the man that quote shall leave father and mother not the woman and in the New Testament Paul makes a comment about how Adam was formed first and then Eve and it's honestly not sexist at least I don't think so all I think he means by that is men care responsibility to lead in a relationship now by lead that word right there is dubious I do not mean boss around or take charge or dominate or intimidate or any other stupid thing that sexist misogynist men have done in the name of quote the Bible by lead I mean step out and take responsibility to care for and listen to and love and serve in a sacrificial way and risk and that is skerin took it out last part to risk because every time that you step out there is a chance that you'll fall through the ice right you risk failure you risk rejection and you know that feeling guys when you finally get up the nerve to ask a girl out and she says no it's not exactly like a pep talk kind of feeling right it can be just deafening but rejection listen rejection is a part of life no matter how hard you try to insulate yourself or protect yourself or safeguard at some point in time you will fail it's only a matter of time like clearly I'm not a self-help preacher alright but a sensual part of becoming a man or a woman is learning to take risks learning to fail this is part of maturity learning to fail and to fail well this is true of love but it's also true of education and your career it's true of the gospel it's true of all of life if we are not willing to take risks and if we are not more than willing to fail then we will never grow beyond an impoverished version of ourselves of who we could have been you know I have three kids and two boys Jude and Moses and the monster I know most of you are not parents but the mantra of modern-day parenting can essentially be summed up in two words be careful so if you go to a park and just sit in the back and count how many times you hear mom dad nanny whoever be careful watch out be careful be careful be careful them that is just like we live in this weird moment and so I work overtime and maybe this is like immaturity on my part as a young dad but I work hard to never say that to my kids never ever it's more like go for it you might die but it's okay I'm here for you like hey oh you got that go a little higher next is next run off buddy you got it go yeah it's okay now it's just a broken leg don't worry about it so and the reason for that is I don't think it's because I'm immature maybe it is maybe it's both an but it's because you know in all honesty I am not scared of my nine-year-old Jude falling out of a tree and breaking his arm but I'm scared to death of my son growing up to be scared to climb a tree and the same is true for my daughter I want my daughter I want my son's to grow up to risk to adventure to be more than willing to fail in order to become who God called them to become and do what God called them to do one of the most disheartening traits in particular in a man but in a man or woman is cowardice and as followers of Jesus male and female we are called to live by faith in the language of the Scriptures and that's what I love I mean Jesus gives us the freedom to fail because we are loved right no matter what happens you're loved whether you succeed or fail whether the business venture is a raging success or a disaster whether she says yes or says you're really creepy and literally runs the other way either way you are loved your self-worth does not come from how many followers you have on Twitter or whether or not you get that deal or whether or not you're successful or how much money you make or who she is or he is or whether or not they say yes which means your self-worth doesn't come from any of that which means you are free to risk to fail and then to get back up and try again it's okay and so love is a chase and it starts when a man says away because the woman already said hey let us hurry so secondly if you're taking notes that was the chase and now let's talk about the line so we already read earlier in Chapter four that the Shulamite was a quote sealed fountain and quote or virgin on her wedding night but that does not mean that she isn't sexualized in the poem she is by far the more sexual of the two I thought just to clarify the woman is more sexual than the man in the story and all through the song there's this refrain this chorus that the Shulamite keeps coming back to for example in chapter 2 verse 7 we read this daughters of Jerusalem I charge you by the gazelles and the doze of the field do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires one more time do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires she says this by the way not once not twice but three times in the poem at the beginning and in the middle and then at the end so the beginning of this refrain is about foreplay right his left arm if you I think I missed that verse in verse 6 his left arm is under my head and his right hand embraces me this is foreplay she's deeply enjoying sex with her husband but the second part is a word to her friends to her single kind of girlfriends or whatever and it's a warning of sorts to not quote arouse or awaken love until it so desires meaning until the right time until there's a context for you to play out your sexual desires so this is the question about essentially the line right which is the question that I'm sure like in Tim's list of questions is probably like 80 of them so how far is too far right there's a whole lot of ground between a first kiss and intercourse at what point is it sex what's okay what's not okay what sin what's not sin so we're sexual beings and that's good God made you that way and he made marriage as the context for you to enjoy and express your sexuality that's all great but you are sexualized long before your wedding night right in particular now as year after year the median age for erage inches up year after year New Testament the median age for marriage was about 15 so now we're at 27 for women and 28 for men so that's that's more than a decade at and on between when you are sexualized in your body and you have a wife or a husband so how do you express your sexuality in that time on the way to marriage what's okay what's off-limits to the Shulamite the question isn't how far can we go but rather its when can we start and so her advice is simple but I think it's worth following and it's basically don't wake up the sexual part of your relationship until you can follow it all the way through which means don't go anywhere near the line until your wedding day so why she says it not once not twice but three times she's driving the point home an ancient literature like the Bible whenever a phrase is repeated it's for emphasis they did not have bold or all caps or italics so if you wanted to really say something extra loud you would repeat it over and over again this is her way of saying listen you need to get this because nothing not to get all heavy again but nothing does more to sabotage a relationship than pornea or sexual immorality it's lethal it does so much damage here are three reasons there are more but let's just start with three for today other than of course like it's wrong but let's like talk about the why behind that so first off is what we already said earlier that in sex two people become akkad or one but in dating it's long before any covenant is made there's no hey until death do us part that's all out the window it's just - I think you're beautiful I think you're whatever I like you that's all there is and so but in that two people become one secondly sex obscures your vision so judgment goes out the window we've all seen the guy dating the girl or the girl dating the guy who's a jerk and her friends are all saying are you crazy are you out of your mind you can do so much better why are you wasting your life on him you should break up but for some strange reason she can't to see it and she's defending him or vice versa nine times out of ten they are sleeping together and any objectivity that they once had is out the window it's obvious they are not a good fit family friends everybody knows you guys are not a good fit for each other but they are not accurately able to see each other now once again in marriage this is beautiful this is awesome I think of that proverb love covers over a multitude of sins and sex sure helps with that but outside of marriage this just makes a bad problem worse and then third even if you end up marrying the person that you're fooling around with you can't build a relationship on sex you just can't for starters it's not sustainable and at some point you want more out of a relationship than foreplay you want a friend you want a partner to go make a world with you want a lover yes but you also want a mom or a dad you want somebody to push and pull you to become all that you are you want to do life together and you want to enjoy each other's company long after your ability to make love has faded for decades not months but when you're dating there's no way to know if you have that kind of chemistry until you spend a season of your life together where sex is not involved now for all of those reasons and more the Shulamite Sri frame is invaluable hey don't wake this up until you follow it through do not arouse do not awaken love until it's so desires listen all I have to say today is listen to her and in doing so listen to God do not arouse or awaken the sexual part of your relationship until it's time the time will come in the relationship when it's right and if and when it does you'll discover that it was more than worth the wait so chase the line next let's talk about the friends so the song is really in all honesty it's more like a play than a poem it has characters it has the king obviously in the Shulamite and then we read about this group of people called the friends these are kind of the women's girlfriends you have them millennia later across cultural boundaries every woman has her posse right so these are people that speak into the relationship from the outside so from the beginning if you have chapter one open the friends affirm the relationship is a good thing the first thing they say is in chapter 1 verse 4 we rejoice in delighting you we praise your love more than wine they're saying hey this guy is a catch well done we're behind you yes you should date him yes you should maybe even marry him and then later they helped the couple navigate the road to marriage at one point the Shulamite is searching for the king he's gone he's lost she doesn't know where he is and they say this in chapter 1 verse 8 if you do not know most beautiful women follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds so they're saying hey here's how you do it here's how you navigate the road to marriage the point is that this couple was not alone so a story about a king and a shepherd girl is also a story about her friends and her family and they all had a voice to give input into the relationship wisdom and rebuke and clarification and yes you're on the right track or no here's where you're not we on the other hand live and what is hands down the most hyper individualistic society in the world and in particular let's say like LA where the majority of you are not from here the odds are your family is not in the area but there is no way to date well in isolation you have to be a part of a community for the first time in human history dating has been for the most part disconnected from family and friends I mean how often do we see a couple get together and then go into and my church we call it hibernation like you're there and you're hanging out all the time yeah man let's hang out now's when they start dating and then they just disappear for a year and next thing you know hey will you be my best man I have not seen you in 12 freakin months all right so um I'm just saying that if you open up your relationship to people you know and trust and you give them a voice to watch and participate and speak into your relationship you will do well however one of the reasons we don't do this is because we all know what it means it means you open your relationship up to scrutiny you can't hide you have to be honest you have to be transparent about your sexuality about what's going well what's not going well you have to be honest about the good and the bad and then as a result though if you have the courage to do that your friends at least if you have good friends family community church they will help you think straight help you make wise decisions help you sidestep mistakes and help you walk forward at the right pace so who are your quote friends who are your community maybe it is actually just friends maybe it's a community group here reality maybe it's your family may I have no clue but who are the people you know and trust the question if you're dating right now if you're engaged is are you inviting them to speak into your relationship are you doing it alone just the two of you off okay see you guys in a year at the engagement party or are you inviting your friends whoever they may be to speak and so that you can do well so the chase the line the friends and then lastly we have what I would call the journey to the day so in Chapter three if you turn the page we read about the long-awaited wedding day chapter 3 verse 6 who is this coming up from the wilderness like a column of smoke perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant so this dude has like a really good Cologne look it is Solomon's carriage escorted by 60 warriors the noblest of Israel so the dude has his posse as well all of them wearing the sword all experience in battle each with his sword at his side prepared for the terrors of the night King Solomon made for himself the carriage he made it of wood from Lebanon its post he made of silver its base of gold its seat was upholstered with purple and then I loved his line its interior inlaid with love I don't know that means is so freaking rad daughters of Jerusalem come out and look you daughters of Zion all your friends look on King Solomon wearing a crown the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wet wedding the day his heart rejoiced so it's interesting the first half of the song has this tension to it a movement if you would the king is coming up from the desert from solitude to the wedding and to his bride and this poetry moves and kind of escalates and builds and crescendos all up to the wedding day and that I would argues what a healthy relationship looks like it has motion it has inertia it has cartography there's a beginning and an end to the journey put another way it's going somewhere I would argue that all healthy relationships are either moving towards or away from marriage that's a key piece of romance before marriage to answer the questions should we get married should we spend our life together is this the right fit not the one but is the right fit for me for us for life dating today is stupid it's a waste of heart it's a waste of your time it's in particular a waste of your sexuality you're not looking for a boyfriend or a girlfriend you're looking for a husband or wife now that said I don't think this means that you can't be friends with somebody with the opposite sex or that you need to stress out you're really over your relationship like you have to know right away like coffee number two she's the one or not or whatever if anything at least in church culture and not in culture at large but in church culture I think that a lot of couples take dating way too seriously sometimes I just want to say calm down it's a cup of freaking coffee it's okay just talk it's okay all right but I do think this means you shouldn't date until you're ready or at least close to ready to get married at least not date seriously because as I said earlier in the morning the point of your relationship isn't your relationship right remember what marriage is for friendship gardening sexuality family recreation and so a healthy marriage is built around a calling and a healthy relationship gets that from the start long before the wedding day every cup of coffee every night out every walk in the park do you have a park here no it's La every walk and the whatever reservoir every every moment is a step I like all the way by the way whenever I'm in the mood for traffic smog and really cool culture really cool culture I come here alright but every step is a movement farther away from or closer to man and wife so that's it as I see it the chase the line the friends and the journey to the day now these are more of a compass on a map and a list of do's and dont's right this is simply a trajectory for you as I read the song to follow in your relationship in closing why don't you turn really fast to Matthew 7 this is in what is now called the Sermon on the Mount at the time was just called hey Jesus is up on the top of the hill teaching that was good wow that wasn't in my notes mental note later but this is kind of the central collection of all the most important teachings of Jesus and I just want to read the end ok this is after everything that Jesus has to say about the kingdom of God and marriage and sexuality and non-violence and worry and anxiety and truth and integrity I mean after Jesus has to say about all of this he has this incredible really moving analogy at the end of his sermon or teaching or whatever you want to call it into this chapter 7 verse 24 this is Jesus therefore everyone who hears these words of mine all right the Sermon on the Mount and puts them into practice is like a wise man and here's the analogy who built his house on the rock the rain came down the streams rose the winds blew and beat against that house yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock but everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand the rain came down the streams rose the winds blew and beat against that house and it fell with a great crash so in this analogy Jesus is speaking about your house your house is a metaphor for your life as a whole but a first century Jew would have understood house as a euphemism for your family okay don't really think of it that way but any good self-respecting Jew would have heard Jesus say house and would have thought family and just as it takes time to build a house like with as a dwelling place it also takes time to build a life together with another man or woman and then to eventually build a family and the key line in the middle of Jesus teaching here is everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock Jesus is saying that if you build your life and your life together with your boyfriend girlfriend fiance husband wife if you're married if you build your life on obedience to his teachings then no matter what comes against you the quote wind and waves your relationship your family your house will stand the test of time but if you don't if you go your own way if you follow in the footsteps not of Jesus but if Adam and Eve and you eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and you say well that's fine for you that's fine for so-and-so but you know what it doesn't I feel like I'm cool I feel like this I feel and you become the arbiter of what's right what's wrong what's okay what's not okay in marriage and sexuality and relationships and if you do your own thing then in that moment of crisis and we all know that it's only a matter of time until we all face some kind of crisis in that moment your house your shared life together will crumble to pieces this analogies at the end of the Sermon on the Mount and the closing line in that sermon is the rain came down the streams rose the winds blew and beat against that house and it fell with a great crash what a haunting way to end a sermon and I think that Jesus analogy is essential on a more positive note as we just kind of wrap up our time together and it was a Q&A but I'm basically done now in the early months and years of a relationship you are laying the foundation for your house so you're doing it so if you're dating somebody right now if you're unde eight number two or you're engaged you are laying the foundation even if you're single and you don't even know who that person is right now and how you live and what you do and what you don't do in your relationship to pornography in your relationship to the members of the opposite sex and how you do community and how you do money right now even if you have no clue who your future spouse is you are right now laying the foundation for your house and this time is crucial because you are setting the stage for the rest of your life together and if you go about it the wrong way right in disobedience to the way of Jesus and all that he has to say about what it means to be human then you are setting the stage for disaster but on the positive note if you build on Jesus way single dating engaged married if right now you build one day at a time when decision at a time when glance one thought one cup of coffee one moment one kiss at a time if you build on obedience to Jesus teachings and on obedience to his way then your relationship will flourish not for a month or for a year but for a lifetime it will go on and become a house so all I have to say in closing is to all of you and thank you so much it was so good to be here but may you dig deep in this season of your life may you dig deep and may you dig well

Channel: Brian Bull

Views: 10,325

Rating: 4.9540229 out of 5

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Id: ToqhsLMSWqc

Length: 42min 56sec (2576 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 29 2018