Dr. Stanley: Do you feel
loved by anybody? Somebody? Maybe somebody that you could
name, that you know in your heart that you're loved by them? Or maybe you feel like you're
not loved by anybody. Why would you feel that way
about yourself? Do you believe God loves you? Do you feel His love for you? Or do you find yourself in
a love wilderness? You're not too sure what's going
on with that part of your life. Well, it's a very important part
of your life. And when I look at the
Scriptures and see how many times love is mentioned, for
example, in the Old Testament two hundred and fifty times, in
the New Testament two hundred and thirty-four times. And it's interesting that John
who wrote the Gospel and three epistles, just what he wrote
alone, he in those few chapters, seventy-two times John talked
about love. Must be important. And of course, you've heard this
verse for years, "For God so loved the world, that He gave
His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him would
not perish, but have everlasting life." But you see, probably you've put
that out there in generalities, "God so loved the world," you
never thought about yourself. Do you feel that God loves you? Are there some reasons you could
say, "Well, I know God loves me for this reason, that or the
other"? Or you just find yourself
wondering about that, going about your daily life, not
feeling loved by anybody. And for some people, you don't
have anybody that you could put your finger on to say, "I love
that person." If love is missing in your life,
a vital part of your life is missing because it is an
essential part of every person's life. In First John, this fourth
chapter, and if you'd like to turn to that, the fourth chapter
of First John beginning in verse seven, listen to what he says. He says, "Beloved, let us love
one another, for love is from God," that's the source, "And
everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." So that helps us to understand
whether we know God or not. "The one who does not love does
not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was
manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into
the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we
loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be a
sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we
ought also to love one another." So, I want to title this
message, "Love Lessons." Maybe you know how to love,
maybe you don't. But I trust that you'll listen
carefully, and somewhere in here, you'll see yourself,
you'll find yourself, you'll feel yourself, you'll
know that you've been identified because God loves you. He wants you to know what love
is about, and surely, He wants you to love Him. So, I ask you this question: at
this moment, do you feel loved, really loved, by anyone? And do you love someone that you
can put your finger on, that you can name, yes, I know I love
that person? So, what I'd like for you to do
is to follow along and see where you are in your ability, your
capacity to love and to be loved. And the first thing I would say
is this: love is more than an emotion. Many people think, "Well, love
is just an emotion." No, it's more than an emotion. It's a commitment to another
person. So, I would ask you the
question: are you committed to somebody? Can somebody rely upon you,
trust in you? Do you have a loving
relationship with anybody? Because love is a commitment,
not just an emotion. Love also can discern true love
in others like a radar. In other words, when you love
somebody, you can discern that love in your life. You can discern in somebody
else's life. You sort of know when somebody
loves you or don't. And they may say that, "I love
you," and they may say, "I cherish you," and so forth. But deep down inside, you may
have a different feeling. So, when I think about that, I
think about what has God given us? He's given us sort of a radar. We know when we are genuinely
being loved. It could be we're being bought
off. We're being convinced, but the
truth is do you know whether you're loved or not? And then of course, let me say
that love's not free. God's love for us is free from
Him, but all other love is not free. Love demands something of us. The very nature of love demands
something of us, requires something of us. You can't live in a capsule and
be loving toward someone else. And I think many people think
they love someone. And if they should answer your
question, "Well, who do you love?" Some people would have to say,
"Well, um." [clearing throat] And they clear their throat and
bring up another subject or two and say, "Well, I'm sure I love
so-and-so, but you know, I'm not quite sure." So, let me ask you this: do you
feel loved? Listen to that question. Do you feel loved? Does your emotional suit fit you
perfectly, that you feel wonderfully loved? And I would ask this: are you
going through the rest of your life feeling unloved? If you do, you will have missed
what love--what life's all about. You'll have missed what love's
all about. And love starts in Genesis one,
one. God's creation was an act
of love. It goes all through the rest of
the books of the Bible, all sixty-six books, and ends up in
the Revelation. God's still loving. And that same God wants you and
me to know how to love each other, to love Him. So, I ask you the question: can
you name somebody that you really and truly love? If you can't, you're missing
something and you're causing them to miss something in your
life. God didn't create us to live
without love. Think about this: love looks
beyond the flesh. In other words, you--sometimes
people say, "Well, I love him, I love her," and they're thinking
about the body, maybe, but love looks beyond the flesh. It looks at the heart. It looks at the spirit. You sense something in the other
person, you connect with them. There's a--an emotional
relationship, a mental relationship, a thinking
relationship. Love encompasses all of that. Number four, feeling loved. When a person feels love, it
enables us to feel complete. And I want you to listen to this
carefully. There are three characteristics
here that are very important. When a person really and truly
feels love, it enables them to have three other emotions that
are very important. And the first one is you feel
complete. Think about it for a moment. If you feel really loved by
somebody, there's a completion emotionally in that. So, it makes you feel complete. It also makes you feel
competent, capable; that is, love traverses every single part
of your body, your mind, your will, and your emotion. It enables you now only to feel
like you're complete, you feel competent. It gives you that surge to
think, "I can do this. I'll be able to manage this. I can walk through this." And thirdly, it enables you to
feel worthy. And those three words are very
important. To feel complete, to feel
competent, to feel worthy, no longer struggling to prove
anything. And when I think about that,
I think about how generous and unselfish love is. Love is generous. Love is unselfish. Love's not about me; me,
myself and I. And if you'll think about it for
just a moment, think about the conversations you have with
people, how often it's I and me, myself. And when you get into a
conversation with someone whose favorite word is me, myself, and
I, then you probably need to be very serious in the way you
listen to what they say. Because more than likely,
they're going to end up wanting something from you. Love is always thinking about
the other person, what's best for them. And I don't know of any more
beautiful relationship than two people who fall in love with
each other, genuinely love each other for who each other is, not
because of what they want from one another, because they want
to give themselves to each other in the right way, in a godly way
and a holy way. And so, when I think about how
generous and unselfish it is and I think about, love,
for example, is more fulfilled because it's giving to someone. And you ask yourself this
question, to be honest. What pleases you most? What makes you the happiest? What do you get the most
gratification out of is when somebody gives you something you
want, or maybe you didn't particularly ask for it, but
there it is, a nice gift? Or are you more satisfied by the
fact that you were able to give somebody else something? What satisfies you the most? What's the most fulfilling? Is it receiving or giving? Giving.
Well, I got two people say that. Ha! The truth is, listen, when love
is at the core of your heart, you love giving to somebody,
especially if they have a need, and especially if you can
surprise them and especially if they have been longing for a
certain thing a long period of time and God has made it
possible you--to meet a need in their life. You see, we never think about
the will of God in giving or asking. We just give or we just ask. But before you give somebody
else something, you should ask, "Lord, is this the proper thing
to give? Is this the right way to give? Is this the right thing to give
to somebody?" You don't give to get paid back. Love, when I think about this,
love does not give in order to receive. Love just gives because
it's love. And then of course, love is
forgiving. Some people live their whole
life with anger, bitterness, resentfulness, and jealousy in
their heart. Maybe they were wronged
as a child. Maybe their parents wronged
them, whatever it might be. And every once in a while, I
meet somebody who has lived a lot of years in their life and
carried with them the whole time this weighty burden of
unforgiveness. Watch this carefully. Because unforgiveness chokes the
spirit of a person. You must always forgive. You say, "But you don't know
what they've done to me." Let me ask you this: what about
the cross? What did He do for you? Has anybody else ever done
that for you? No. Jesus died that you and I may be
forgiven of our sins, our errors, and our wrongs. He loved us enough and loves us
enough to forgive no matter what. And so, love is forgiving,
doesn't hold grudges. And likewise, love desires to
express itself. And when you think about that,
think about Christmas, for example. Why do you give at Christmas? And let me ask you this
question. I believe there was a time
probably, watch this carefully, when we didn't have much in this
country. We were sort of an agricultural
nation. And so we weren't rich and
people didn't have too much, very much, and so they gave and
it cost them to give for what they did give. And so, they had to sacrifice a
little bit in order to give. And when a person genuinely
gives out of love, they don't consider it a sacrifice. You, watch this, love is like
this well inside of you that's either all chupped up and
doesn't flow, or it becomes like a spring: it just keeps on
flowing and keeps on flowing. If you love somebody, you're
like an emotional spring. That is, there's something that
flows from you that you can't really express. And watch this, you know what? You don't have to. I think about--used to a long
time ago I saw--used to be wells that you had to draw water from. And you'd put the bucket down
and fill it up and you draw it all the way up and there it is. That's the way some people's
emotions are. They have to work at getting up. And then you can go down to the
spring that's an ever-flowing fresh water. It's always there. It's always flowing. All you have to do is dip it and
drink. Love is willing to sacrifice. Love is willing to pay the price
when necessary in order to have the kind of love relationship
that you want. Love is a happy emotion. Think--the happiest people are
people who know how to love. You can have everything in the
world money can buy, if you don't know how to love, you're a
pauper. If you don't know how to love
and to be loved, there isn't anything else in the world that
can take the place of genuine love. And so, the truth is, you're in
need. And many people think their
need's physical. That's not their need. They think their need's
financial. That's not their need. If they learn to love, here's
what would happen. Watch this, mark it down. When you learn to love, it's
amazing how God changes the direction of the flow
in your life. And it's not always one way,
it's both ways. But also, there's a flow toward
you simply because you've learned to love. And when the love of God flows
in you and through you to others, there's going to
be love. You're going to feel love. You're going to experience love. You're going to begin to
experience life at its best. Until you learn to love someone
genuinely, purposely, with all of your heart, sincerely, and
purely; once you learn that, you're going to discover what
life can really be like. And when two people have that
kind of love, you don't have to have a big house and a big car. You don't have to have a big
financial amount of money in the bank, whatever. You know what? When two people love each other,
it's amazing how happy and satisfied, contented they are. Because that's God's love,
that's the way He meant for it to be. God never meant for marriages to
be based on money, but true, genuine love. And the relationship between
children and their parents, true, genuine love, not shove
them off, but love them. Then I think about true love
really enjoys seeing somebody else happy. And I think my mom taught me
that a long, long time ago. When I knew that she sacrificed
for me, genuinely sacrificed, and never even thought about it. She was just doing what mothers
do for their sons. She loved me. She taught me what true, genuine
love is like. And I would ask you: Are you
happy seeing somebody else happy, enjoying their love. Does that make you happy? Would you say that you are
excited about seeing somebody else who's in love? Because the truth is this, love
always asks this question: What's best for the other
person? If you and I would begin to
operate on that basis: what's best for him, what's best for
her, what's best for them? Here's what would happen. You would be happier, the other
person would be happier, and watch this, when love is
genuinely expressed, you may love a person, but when you
genuinely love a person, something happens to them. And you know what? They begin to love somebody, and
before long, all these people are loving each other that
started with some one person. I think about big families. What an opportunity they have to
experience love with each other. Love is fulfilling and enables
us to feel complete. And God made us to feel that
way. We shouldn't always be longing
for something or feeling something empty. And I think if you talked to
most people, not everybody, but most people, you get in a good
conversation with them. Watch this carefully, before the
conversation's over, they're going to mention something to
you that indicates they have a need. And many people are willing to
carry on conversations if they think you'll meet their need. But many people are needy and
don't realize they are because they've never been loved. They've never felt loved. They grew up in a family that
their parents didn't love them or the father and the mother
didn't. And I think how dangerous it is,
watch this carefully, how dangerous it is for a girl to
grow up in a home and not have received her father's love;
tragic, tragic. And I have seen it and watched
it over and over and over and over again. When a young lady does not grow
up in a home where her father genuinely loves her, she begins
the journey of life looking for love. And then when nobody teaches her
the difference between lust and love, before long, in her
honest, sincere desire to be loved, she gives herself away
thinking this is the way to get loved. And only the fulfillment of a
few moments, and then comes tomorrow. And I would say to dads: your
first responsibility in life once you have a daughter is to
love that gal every day of her life. And let her know that no matter
what happens, you can count on your father to be here. You can count on my love for
you. Absolutely essential. Because love always asks the
question: What's best for the other person? Love is fulfilling, enables us
to complete God's will and purpose and plan for our life. And then love hurts when
somebody else hurts. When you genuinely love and
there's love in your heart and you see someone else hurting,
the natural result of a person who knows how to love is to
reach out some way. It may be a distant--you can
only pray for them. But if at all possible, you want
to do something for them. It's like a person with the gift
of mercy. And you can have all the seven
major gifts together, but when there's a person hurting, the
person with the gift of mercy is the first one there. That's just the way God made us. And so, when you see someone
hurt, how do you feel? Watch this. Sometimes when somebody's
hurting and it's a tough situation, if you don't have
love, you want to walk away. Now, the reason you walk away is
not because you don't particularly care, you can't
handle it because you don't not--you don't know how to
express love. You may be frustrated and you'd
like to express love. You don't know how. So the best thing you can do is
escape, walk away. Which is an indication a
person's never learned how to love. You hurt when other people hurt. Willing to sacrifice when
necessary because, watch this, listen carefully, love does not
keep accounts. I did this for you, expect you
to do that for me. That is not love. I've done this and this and this
for you and you've done none of that for me. That's not love. Doesn't keep count. Doesn't keep records. And think about this, for
example, at Christmas, here's a good example. Christmastime, what do we do? You get your Christmas list
going. And here's one of the questions
you ask. You can't deny it. What did they give me last year? And who do I need to give to so
they won't get their feelings hurt. And is it not true we make
lists, and oftentimes those lists are governed by the fact
that somebody gave us something. Maybe you can't remember what it
was, but they gave you something and so you make a list because
you want to pay, you want to not give them back, pay them back. Love is not in the business of
paying and receiving. Love is in the business of
giving with not any real expectation of return. Sometimes love is very painful. You can love somebody who
doesn't love you, and that's very painful. You do one of two things: you
keep on loving them and forgiving them and loving them
and forgiving them and loving and forgiving them. And you may have to do that a
long time in your life. You may do it the rest of your
life and the person never love you. But you know how to love. The person who, listen, the
person who loves, wins. They win. And because it hurts, people
want to give up and quit. Sometimes love is very painful
because the way we get treated, for example, in return. And really and truly, love
doesn't require anything in return. If I love you, watch this
carefully, if I love you, I'm not going to say because, if,
when, where and a whole lot of other words. If I love you, I just love you
because you're you. Think about this: Jesus loves
you for no reason in you. He just loves you. Now, here's what we do. We have a difficult time with
this love business because it's like I want a payback. In other words, if you really
love me and I feel that love, my first response, humanly, would
be, "Well, what can I do for them? What?" And you know what, when somebody
says, "You can't do anything for me. You can't do anything for me." God knows exactly how to love
us. The issue is how do we learn to
love Him in return, and each other? Love is patient. That's a tough one. Love is patient. Love knows how to wait. Lust does not know how to wait. Love knows how to wait. Love is willing to wait. So, ask yourself the question:
do you find yourself in situations where you don't want
to wait? It's dangerous not to know how
to wait for love to fulfill itself. You can love somebody and they
can draw a line. Or they may say to you, "Well,
if you're not willing to do this, then this is over. You can just say, "Well, thank
you very much because you didn't love me to start with." When people put--they draw
lines, they draw circles. And if you don't get in my
circle when I want you to, then you can just forget it. But love is very patient. Love is willing to wait. Now, watch this. When I hear the stories and see
people who weep and weep and weep over things in their life,
you know, you can't help but weep with them because they've
been deeply hurt. And one thing love does, does
not hold grudges, is we said it doesn't keep an account. It's willing to forgive and
forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. Love is very patient; and love,
in essence, is really a choice we make. It's not a feeling,
it's a choice. Now, there is a feeling that
goes with it, but ultimately it's a choice. It's a choice based on who you
are and what God wants it for your life, wants to accomplish
in your life, not on the basis of anybody else, no matter what
they may say. And the best picture of love is
the cross. Jesus's death on the cross is
the perfect example of love. He loved the world and nobody
seemed to appear to love Him. And you may be in a situation or
circumstance in your life that you don't feel loved at all. And you're asking the question:
well, why should I keep trying and trying and trying when
nobody cares, nobody appreciates me, nobody loves me? Listen, you just keep on loving
and something will happen. Because remember this: when you
love, you're acting the most like Jesus. And therefore, He's on your
side. Not loving to get, loving
because that's who you are. And loving has an awesome effect
upon us. It makes it possible for us to
give, it makes it possible for us to love in return. Because you see, love is not all
about me. And this is where most of the
world is. Most of the people in this
society we live in, for the most part, it's all about me. Watch the advertisements. Listen to what they say. It's all about me. If you want. If you want to look this way, if
you want to feel this way, if you want to purchase. In other words, you, you, you,
me, me, me, me, me. Read the New Testament and see
how that absolutely is a contradiction to everything
Jesus talked about. Jesus has the most awesome way
of being an intimate, loving, genuine, indescribable, awesome
friend. So, I would simply ask you the
question: do you love someone? Do you love Jesus? Have you ever accepted His love? If you want to really love in
life, here's where you start. Not reading a magazine,
read the Bible. Here's where you start. Not talking to others, talk
to Jesus. If you really want life at its
best, it has to be rooted and grounded in the foundation of
godly love. And that is my prayer for you. And that's where it all starts:
accepting the death of Jesus Christ on the cross is the
greatest act of love ever known. And He died to pay our sin debt
in full. All the mess you've made of your
life, all the bad things you've done, all the regrets that you
have, His love just washes all that away. He's willing to forgive you. Listen, and He will remember
your sins no more when you repent of them before Him. And I would ask you to look at
your life. It's not what you want it to be. It's empty in a lot of ways. You've got everything money can
buy, but you don't have the most important thing, and that's
love, love for God and the ability to receive the love of
God, the ability to love other people and to receive their
love. If you don't have love, you are
empty. You are poor. You are wretched. You are needy. And the only person who can
satisfy that is the One who went to the cross for you, and that's
Jesus Christ. And I pray that you'll ask the
Lord to forgive you of your sin, surrender your life to Him, let
Him help you begin to live life at its best. And that's with Jesus Christ as
your Savior, your Lord, and your Master. Amen? And Father, how grateful we are
that Your love for us is beyond our explanation and beyond our
ability to explain fully. I pray that every person who
hears this message will take it to heart, get honest with
themselves, get right with You, Lord, and begin living for the
first time in their life. Whether they are sixteen or
eighty-six, life begins at the cross with Jesus Christ. And we say thank You for that,
in His name, amen.
