Living for Liel | Maya Namdar on Meaningful People Podcast

Hello everybody welcome back to another episode of the meaningful people podcast this episode is powered by our friends at Albert and Associates psoc is coming up people and you might be swiping that credit card left and right but it's important to know what you can spend because you're just kicking that down the road you need to know what you're going to be able to spend and that's how you need to call Moshe Albert Albert and Associates give me a call at 718-644-1594 email him at Albert Moshe gmail.com because if you don't know what you can spend you're gonna find yourself in a little bit of a bind so get your finances right make sure you know what you're spending no make sure that you're not being irresponsible and give them a call at 718-644-1594 or you can hit the link in the description the show notes of this episode and hit them up directly on WhatsApp um we'd also like to give a big thank you to our new friends at collars and Co okay so here you are you're boarding a plane for yante if you're heading to a nice destination or maybe even going into your car driving somewhere and your shirt is how am I packing my shirt I have no I don't want to bring a hanging bag on a plane I'm not gonna stuff it in my suitcase well don't worry you see the shirt I'm wearing right now people zoom in if you're listening then maybe go to YouTube but this is a shirt from Carlos and Co the funny part is the collar looks like a dresser collar but the rest of the shirt is pretty much like a t-shirt slash polo shirt it is super comfortable and not only that you know this company college and code they did a they did a deal on Shark Tank from Mark Cuban and Peter Jones who invested over a million dollars into this company it's owned by a Jew this is a shirt that has no dry cleaning necessary it's perfect perfect for travel wrinkle resistant um long sleeve dress shirts are uncomfortable they're hot they're scratchy especially under sweaters like this literally like I'm wearing it right now this shirt is revolutionary in the shirtwear field so head to collagencoe.com and get yourself a few pairs a pair of these and I'm gonna give you a promo code right now that's uppercase Capital the whole word meaningful you have 15 off that's meaningful for 15 off any orders over 100 you also get free shipping so make sure to use these promo code make sure to order these shirts if you're headed to Florida it's hot you don't want to be sweating in a regular long sleeve crisp potato starch white shirt the only thing potato starch on paste stuff I should be having is in the food not on your shirt this week we sat down with Maya namdar who really really opened us opened up to us about her story about losing her daughter liel Dina uh just you know a little over a year ago an awful tragic accident um she was very very open raw and honest she talks about what her family went through and the amuna that she had to have in order to get through what she went through and what she continues to go through we give a big thank you to Maya for really coming on the podcast and just being as honest and real as she was um if you are someone who is sensitive this is a parts of the story can be hard to listen to um so have that in mind maybe have a box of tissues nearby but all the inspiration derived from this episode really should be us closer than a shama of lie namdar lealdina and um listen we should all be reunited very very very soon with the coming mashiach enjoy this episode everybody [Music] listening to the meaningful people podcast the podcast featuring our nation's most impactful influential and meaningful people um okay by the way the namdars you saw the perm costume I did was it thank you Hashem it was a thank you I saw you in the thank you I'm real and the thing you were prominently featured okay did you see the reel that I'm talking about yeah yeah I saw it yeah that's how you know you made it yeah we made it I made it this thank you I should make the the skirt thing or did Maya's Place make the skirt no it's so funny how many people have asked me and I'm like no it's from thank you Hashem they make that we literally got it no I got two dresses for me and my daughter they make the screen got it on like Wednesday or Thursday right before Purim there was gonna be no costume this year what there was gonna be no costume so like last minute again my son yeah I was like oh you gotta do something and I'm like I'm so over and like done with it yeah not doing it and my daughter was like let's do the thank you we'll be cute and then before you knew it he was like listening you can run but you can't hide show the sun all right we were on uh nishmas what was it called Stark tank yes we went we went to nishmas and they were pitching ideas for technology for like kids how to use it better and we were part of a panel of people who were like voted the winner and they it was like really cool yeah a few initiatives some like really cool initiatives but we're not going to talk about nishmas the whole night we're just gonna give a shout out to Nish why not they're good people we're actually on in line oh we're so on we're not live but we're but we're rolling oh okay that's how that's how knock he rolls by the way it just like rolls right into it naturally but yeah by the way this is our second namdar in like two weeks is that right we had razel and Danny namdar right and he's Persian are you related to him yeah I'm not related to him but I know his family the namdar family they're from great Nicole so oh for real you know like namdar for the Persians it's like saying like Smith or like for real yeah like Klein you know that's it's like a generic last name Eric but it's like a lot of numb darns wow interesting yeah you said he's from Great Neck what happened to the holes he's from Great Neck he's gonna happen he has family in Great Neck I think he has an uncle there oh very cool yeah very cool they were an American dream the other day right yeah I missed them I won today that American family that Jewish Family that Jewish Family it wasn't bad it wasn't that America can I say American yeah funny they're very non-american but erroneous but thank you so much for for taking time out to to do this um we're able to our schedules were able to align we're able to get you here thank you Hashem yes thank you Hashem always um so I I want to start this episode it's not kind of on theme what we're going to talk about you know you wore the thank you escham uh casting for permit it's really not a costume for you you know it's really what you live I live in and you breathe it and um it was probably like that your whole entire life but it became probably a little bit more um difficult or not even difficult it's not the right word but had to come more to the Forefront um a little over a year ago when your your family was struck by something so unimaginable so if you can I guess take us back to that time in January 2021 I believe it was and um December December December December 10th and that was the day that your your life just changed forever I'm a changed person like I I say like I'm I'm not the same Maya like not at all um yeah listen when you when you get hit with such um I can't even call it a challenge you know I've been like a tragedy I don't even know what to call it it's um it's so huge it's so um it's so painful it's so crazy it's you can't even like describe the pain and um I don't know if I read it somewhere or somebody mentioned to me a little bit afterwards and they said to me a pain of losing a child is not a pain that you can describe to another human it's not a pain that a human is supposed to feel like we don't know how to handle this pain and and I think this is like where it was like this little like um turning like idea in my head where um they said to me that the pain that Hashem feels being away from his kids being away from us not having a screen not having the beta migdash being away from his home he wants us so badly that's the pain and only Hashem can feel the pain of um not having a child with you so you can't explain that pain to a human it's only Hashem can understand it and I think it was from that point that I I understood that it's there's no way it's just Hashem like I it's just hashem's nothing else that's that's it's it's it's I love how you frame that even it's like it's not something that someone who didn't go through it and no one really should ever go through it you can even imagine and that's the pain that Hashem feels for not having us yeah it it's it's very inhuman you can't you can't describe it you can like if you know even if like sometimes a lot of times it's like a lot of like PTSD like we go back to that night like what happens and like how it happened and like sometimes like I'll dream about it or like I'll think about it throughout the day like I remember as like we were understanding what they were telling us like I just remember like feeling very nauseous like I remember I just wanted to throw up like from like it was you can't explain this pain it's not like you can't explain it you can't you really can't it's it's a very as I said it's a very hashemi you know it's it's a body extremely yeah The Human Condition is not designed to endure that type of pain right and you know nahi and I were living in the five towns at the time and Miriam lives in North Woodmere which is where my wife and I and family we live and it struck very very close to home I drove by that intersection that night and we're all very your story is very very close to our home right for for a lot of our listeners though that might not be familiar um if you're open to sort of sharing what happened on that Shabbos leading into matsushabas and how how the story unfolded from your perspective if if you can sure so December 10th um Saturday night it was the Sternberg reunion and um Leal actually went to Sternberg for the first time like that past summer closer you could bring it to you even okay um perfect so okay so Persians don't do sleep away camps for real okay we just don't write that down notice the kids at our home and um Leal basically she had like really like begged me to experience and to go to superway Camp after speaking with her teachers and the school and we kind of figured that like Sternberg would be like a right place for her she went in the summer for only half of the summer that's the only thing we agreed for and she came back she was so excited she was in such a high from camp and she was literally counting down like months and weeks for the reunion like when I say counting down I haven't yet gone through like her stuff or her books or stuff but um she from school what do you call not the journal you know where they write their homework um like a calendar like a little book a calendar and um everything in there is written in pencil so she can like cross out if it's like a test or a final and she had marked the Sternberg reunion with like highlighters and markers and hearts and that's the only thing in the calendar that has like you know some of the December 10th looks like on that calendar she was that excited and um so the reunion was here right on the location of um where was The Reunion in uh it was in a shul yeah yeah right I believe so yeah it was somewhere in Woodmere so um because we live in Great Neck um it would have been like a little bit challenging to take her on a Saturday night which I offered I told her I was like I'll take you Saturday night and I'll bring you back I'll carpal she said Emma you know what I have two of my friends coming from Canada and we want to spend Shabbat together um the melters so she went there for Shabbat she spent Shabbat with them um yeah let's say Shabbat actually she called me up and she was like packing her bag we were on FaceTime together and um she was just like so excited to tell me like about how Shabbat was and so what time are you gonna pick me up I said to her you know I have a parent teacher conferences the next day at South Shore I'm gonna come pick you up right afterwards so great I have enough time to sleep she was like packing getting ready telling me what she's wearing to the Sternberg party and um and that's it we FaceTime we spoke on the phone and and that was it and and we went to sleep and we woke up to our doorbell um that there was an accident um the accident was literally I think it happened three minutes after they left after she got picked up um I'm gonna say it anyway so people like would know but like I don't like to give it like any acknowledgment but like the accident was due to a drunk driver but I'm at such a different place in my life right now that it was all Hashem and it was Yan Hashem and that's the only way that I could wake up every morning and be like okay I can do today because because Hashem is in my life and I know Hashem has done everything you know bad good whatever it is and I'm taking it so you know so a lot of people always ask me like so what happened it was and I'm like it was a drunk driver but it's not like you know it's really interesting because you know this this happens to a lot of people in the world unfortunately the Lucy will tube drunk driver accidents and there are people that devote their entire lives to um you know spreading information and awareness Against Drunk Driving and it's almost like they channel the loss that they feel towards their child towards that thing and and which is important and it's a terrible thing drunk driving but it seems like you took that same situation you channeled your loss towards Hashem I don't know how I would be able to live without the other right I don't I don't think I will I will be sitting here I don't think I would be who I am um it would there's just there's no other way there was there would be no other way [Music] um so this is like so that there was the accident and the details from what I know from the accident is basically stuff that I heard like later on you know I wasn't even aware I was going on that first week you know I wasn't sure we weren't asking questions I didn't even know it was a drunk driver until a few days later uh my phone was taken away from me or the accident kind of went viral on the news it was everywhere it was even in Israel and it was everywhere so you know they were trying to protect us so they took phones away from us so we really I I did not know until I made a decision that's a very it's a very smart decision to take the phones away I'm just curious um so basically the first so this was Saturday night and I mean the second they came they rang the doorbell my younger son wasn't home he was at a friend's house actually here in Woodmere he wasn't home and um it was just me my husband it was Natalie and Emmanuel um when you get a news like this like the hatala was like dealing with us like my son passed out my daughter couldn't breathe like I thought like I died like it was just like it was just insane so nobody's really thinking phone yeah um this kind of like was like this till the morning hours and then the morning hours like people started hearing like and started coming over like family and stuff I mean I don't remember exactly it's like a blur but I remember in and out like my sister came and um it was had Sola that that rang your doorbell though it was a tala and the hardest part about this is that and so like thank you Hashem is that the hatsala guys that came to our door it's our best friends um I remember when the doorbell rang I jumped out of bed and I looked at the clock and I I think it was somewhere close to maybe like 1am already it was maybe like 12 something and I jumped out of the bed and I said to my husband and I said is Emmanuel home because I he goes to play basketball Saturday night and I I thought like he was ringing the doorbell and I couldn't understand why he was so late outside and he said no Emmanuel got home he's sleeping already and my daughter was out Natalie was out on a date with David that night um but I knew she had come home already so I jumped out of bed I said you know like so my husband went to our window and he said why is navid's uh truck here Navid is a hotel guy he's my husband's best friend and I said have his truck at Salah like what's going on like the kids are in bed um from there I don't like remember I think I just rolled down the stairs there was a lot of Screams yelling my kids were copy it was just a lot of like chaos but then I remember the first face that I saw was Jonathan aminoff yeah and um and then I saw the other Hotel guys which they're all in our community they're all in our school we're all so yeah so they were there um I don't know if God forbid if it wasn't the hotel guys and I'm thinking if I'd say if like the police had to dispatch someone to come and like break then you I don't know what would have been I mean they came also with um with our Rabbi and his wife and they brought another of and it's um not to say he made a difference or he was like better but I'm just sometimes when I think about those moments and I say if it was yeah imagine it wasn't a face we knew imagine if it was like you know someone that would just come and see the news to you you know and it's so it's crazy that I'm saying even thank you Hashem to that it's like thank you Hashem you ever you ever I mean think you ever think that you'd be saying thank you Hashem to that having gone through what you've gone through no sometimes I even like I listen to myself and I think I'm crazy like I'll talk and I'll like in my brain I'll be like what is wrong with you me too by the way I just that's I listen to myself I'm like this guy is certifiably but different maybe I wanna I wanna keep you in that in that scene for a moment before before you moved through it and I want to use this opportunity to call some sensitivity to our community around spreading news and yeah you're gonna talk about the phone yeah you shared that your phones were taken away from you which is very sensitive to treat you right just to call some sensitivity to the topic of how quickly we are how quick we are to spread news good or otherwise I think you're uniquely positioned to to bring some senses I'm actually gonna share something about that so whatever I mean this was in the middle of the night no one was attending to their phones you know um the next day was just chaos and then they were talking about like like you know very old taking Leo to Israel like it was just like the whole day was just chaotic um we had from um project high from high Lifeline I mean I'm sure you guys know her at least it's a fair well zahava she was like on top of like behind the scenes um I think they made sure that the phones were away um because I remember like I think it was a deal too later I said to my sister to check something on my foot and she was like just don't worry about your phone right now and I'm like where is my phone like I just needed her to check something and she was like you don't need your phone right now like I guess my phone was also going crazy like people were just messaging and it was just like a lot going on on there um but you're saying the sensitivity I'm just gonna share something on that I think it must have been the fourth or maybe the fifth day I don't I don't remember um and I remember what it was that my sister actually she was in charge of my phone and she wanted to show me something that somebody posted something special I don't remember what it was um but he was it happened to me on Instagram so she held it for me to show it to me and then it went to the next slide of whatever Instagram that was and it was talking about Leo Dina namdar from Great Neck was hit by a drunk driver like the information was there and I just got a glimpse of it and I remember screaming and I said it was a drunk driver like I went like I went nuts because I did not know news yet right and at least I was there and she was like who showed her the phone take the phone away and like I was like what else are you hiding from me like we're not hiding anything it's just you don't need to hear things from social media or from people like this is why we're here to like explain it you know and it's like there you go that sensitivity you know um they do and they do a really amazing job those people oh my gosh projects I you know and I'm unreal they're unreal they're unreal um first of all I never knew such a thing existed as like project high right it's like what zahava does like it's just it's unreal to think that in our you know to say Israel to think like in tragedies to have people for this kind of situations you know when the next day Sunday I remember there were like at one point they were scared they wanted to bring my parents over but my parents weren't doing well and like family my everyone nobody was functioning Leo's friends were coming and like the neighbors and he was any person that walked into the house there was like that shock so the first thing you do when you react to a shock you scream so there was a lot of yelling a lot of screaming a lot of chaos a lot nobody knew what to do nobody knew what to do with us the only thing they knew what to do with me was like give her a pill give her a pill open your mouth take this they just wanted me like numb otherwise it was like what is going on I lost my train of thoughts what I was just saying with that where was I uh with the project High you see when I get into thoughts and like again all of a sudden like I'm visioning that day and I'm like what was I just saying so that day was crazy and in the afternoon it was Sunday that I will fully remember because that was the only time that I felt some kind of a sense of control it's like imagine in the middle of the night you're being breaking with this news and it's like you don't have control over your life like there's just no control and the pain is just it's like out of the Gazoo like you can you can't control the pain you can't control anything and the only thing that humans can help to to help you to control is by giving you meds to calm down no one could help me Sunday afternoon there are hundreds of people in the house hundreds and no one knows what to do with you and people were just like you know if everyone's trying to do something else put water on her give her this give her air have her get up have hers to sit down like you know like you're you're not talking you're in shock and people are like telling you what to do there's no Playbook no there was nothing no nobody knew what to do like what do you do in a situation like this and Elisa and um Malika came into the room and they introduced themselves and they said hi I'm Eliza they said we're from Project hi from high lifeline and I remember like I couldn't talk but in my head and I'm like nobody has cancer here like I don't say why High Lifeline is in my house like right you got the wrong house like okay you know he was like but I couldn't say that to them but I remember thinking that and and then they explained to me that um the common like they came to help and she got everyone out of the room and um she she basically like didn't tell me what to do or what not to do she you can it's just it's amazing how trained they are yeah she was trying to give me some kind of that little control to feel a little bit of a control in that moment so it was those little things that like you have not gone to the bathroom since yesterday do you want to go now or would you like to go in five minutes you know wow and I was like in five minutes she's like okay so this is what is happening they like bring you back down to earth yeah she's like this is what is happening we um there's a flight that's set and Leal is going to Israel Effie and your mother-in-law they're both flying with Leo is that's what you wanted right and I said yeah and she said okay so now this is what's going to happen you're allowed to shower now or we can give you five minutes you can relax now and you can you know like everything was like little little tiny decisions little decisions where I felt like in control because I was telling her what I wanted you know we're giving you some more time and then she said I want to give you some time alone in the room so do you want me to sit right here on the corner or do you want me to sit right outside the room we can't leave you alone so where would you want me so I said to her you can be outside the room it's okay you know so that was just like it was I can it sounds like so little and so nothing but they took the chaos in the house and they just kind of I don't know they restored some of your autonomy where you feel like everything was taken out of your control and they were little by slowly giving you little decisions little choices and then you were thinking you know in situations like this when they were taking you I was just thinking if they were not there and just thinking the way my family was there and the way it was like shocking and like this whole tragic it's crazy and everyone's screaming and everyone's on meds who would think to tell me um you know what shirt do you want to wear you'd be comfortable with because we're doing Cree on you in the airport like who would dare to say such a thing to me but Eliza said it to me so like she was so sensitive and so like even though I was crying and I was screaming but I remember her voice and I remember how soft it was and I remember hearing it and I remember actually thinking about it like she said to me you know would you like to wear an undershirt under like do you know where it is you want to tell your sister she's like you have safety pins here like you know like she thought of details that people wouldn't think you know and because of the way she spoke I remember I remember those words I remember everything that she said um they're amazing yeah and it's like they have the worst job in the world the worst job and they have to walk into and nobody wants to see them you know it's like nobody wants to zahav is amazing they're all incredible but like you see them like I don't know like don't come here you know but they they do they they do uh work that a human can do it's crazy so it's really amazing what they did for you and your family they're they're I I will have a crowd to talk to them like for the rest of my life and it's crazy because this is somebody that I wouldn't want to ever see again or talk to you know because I associate them with at night but you know we've become actually very close uh means I have what we meet like very frequently I'll come out we'll have like lunch dates um me and Elisa always catch up with each other um you know they came to my simchas and like we're very connected you know something that um after it's actually my brother-in-law's yard saves today was there today it's been four years and something that and you know my sister monkey and right after you know they got the news that he had passed away which is you know he was at work and it was just crazy chaos the kids were in school they brought them home from school and remember there's also like people going crazy so clearly wild and zahava which was like none of us knew her I didn't know her but she was like the what you're describing of like okay everyone she's taking everyone away like remember she um everyone like was just her take this monkey take this take this take this yeah and zahaval like Saturday and said you're gonna you're gonna have to feel it at some point and right now it's Shiva if you don't feel it now you're gonna feel it in a month or in a year so you're gonna have to go through it and I remember like is like the worst thing but it was so so true that you have like that similar experience of yeah of thing of your hearing like this is this is real and yeah you're gonna have to feel it yeah I wouldn't have been able to do Shiva without them because nobody else knows what to do nobody else it's like I'm sorry I was like I I replay and I replayed in my in my head when they walked into the room and like in that night and and again I I don't know I know I'm gonna sound crazy thank you Hashem really I I'm in a very different place today um you know I also during the during the Shiva is when I had found out about Leo's text yeah you know from the car which text is that I'm sorry the please remind me to say Shema and um you know that you know like all these little things they make it that's what makes it that you can see it's like Hashem for those who aren't familiar uh the story yeah sometimes I feel like it's like I say it over and over so Momo who doesn't have WhatsApp he's on iMessage so he is so I'll say it like very quick because I think like many people know the story um sure so I'm actually gonna tell you how I found out on Thursday nights um it was [Music] um they they did like an event it was a Thursday night the night of the Shiva they did an event in the show where they made it because our house was closed no one was allowed to come so they made an event that was open to all of Leo's friends and whoever wanted to come I did not go I was home with um my friends and Elisa she was there with me too and my husband the boys Natalie the whole family they went to the shul and this is you know people came to see them there and they brought Rabbi pesachron and he spoke um about Leal and he basically did a little bit of research about Leo and about the accident and he came to share some beautiful stuff about her and I am listening to this um on a laptop it's on Zoom it's on it's on live so I'm listening and then he starts talking about the moment of the impact of the accident Leo had texted her friend at 10 54. um please remind me to say Shema and then he said that someone showed him a screenshot from the neighbor's surveillance camera where you can see they screenshotted the moment of the impact or you don't see anything you just see this like big crazy bright like light like light explosion and when you do a screenshot from the surveillance camera so you know like on the bottom you have like the minutes and the date so when you screenshot it it was like 10 54 and let's say 17 seconds like something like that her text on her phone is 10 54. wow so I'm listening to him and I'm so confused right again I did not have a phone on me I didn't hear any of these stories and my sister sat next to me and I said what is he saying watch Shema like she's like yeah I'm like no no wait what is he saying the screenshot it's like do you want to see it I'm like oh my goodness I'm like you have this on your phone she's like yeah I'm like why don't you tell me she's like because I can't show you everything now like slowly and I'm like show it to me right now so for the first time I saw it as Rabbi pesto corn is speaking on the laptop it's live she's showing me on the phone and I'm seeing the screenshot you have to excuse me like I said I'm talking too much um she's showing me the screenshot and she's showing me the text I was just I was blown away I was in shock it Hashem I don't know I I don't know you can't call it a drunk driver it's like when when something like this it's and then I heard like other things afterwards that made it even more like wow this is insane I'm gonna ask more of that special water layer you should know um around the night after or a couple nights after um thank you meaningful minute of range like a zoom event with sahava because you figure there's a lot of friends of Leo's from tag and they're reeling you know so we we said okay we're gonna do it on zooms I was gonna join she agreed to join she's like I don't want my his I have can I put on okay you know itself doesn't like putting her face on camera I said right you know can we record it okay I think it was scheduled for like 8 p.m and it was already 7 55 and I just had open the zoom and there's a thousand people in the waiting room and zoom Max is out a thousand thousand people in the waiting room so you know let them all in people are texting we can't get in we can't get in okay we're gonna have a spoke and if if you look at the people on there's just girls crying just frame after frame after frame of just girls crying in pain in pain and zahaba did what she does she was amazing the video is still it's on YouTube because I have a good permission and 15 000 people the next day watched it and like like talk about like things the feedback that we got the what people were able to get from that and you know it's it's tremendous it's and you hear stories you know like you know I'm sure after you know after you're finding out information so you hear about the text and then maybe you hear about the the shoes dancing and maybe you hear but to me it comes back to like it was circled on our calendar she was so excited for this Reunion yeah that's yeah Target like they say like people have premonitions right like to you what does that mean so I tried to think of a lot like the week before and the two weeks before um okay you know there's like a lot of stories that came out about Leo right and for us like as a family you know when we hear the stories it's not like oh oh my gosh like shocking you know it's like that's Leo that's that's who Leah is to us um but then to see how she tapped and touched like hundreds and thousands like the amount of like emails I was getting and DMS are people just wanting to share stories of how Leo touched them and I'm like what like she's a little 15 year old girl like yes all these whatever my daughter is saying about her is all true but just the fact that she reached out and tapped into so many people that's is there a story that stands out for you that you can share with us so many stories oh my gosh so many stories I know there's one that just pops in your head over all the others tell me which one I'm not a mind reader I'm not sure I thought you were telling me I'm not sure no don't be made it sound um oh gosh I didn't have any of the magic water yet so I can't so many well I'm gonna tell you like a story whatever there's so many not this one popped actually I'm going to share with you in a second a story two stories that two people shared with me this week they're beautiful but um this week the first week actually one of them I I hope Jimmy Adar is okay with me sharing it she shared something with me I saw her at the concert last week and she shared something with me and then Juan her teacher shared something with me and I was just like wow um so what was I saying before that you were saving two stories you were about to say one that you remembered and then you were gonna oh so I was saying you would tell me like about two weeks before say Leah left me an apology letter on my pillow for nothing literally for nothing she came home and she said to me she said I left for you a letter on your pillow and I was like okay I went to my room and I saw she wrote you know with like a lot of warning signs nobody opened nobody opened and I opened it up and it was just it was an apology letter like hi Mom I'm sorry for I don't even know for what it was for nothing just apologizing for her being stressed out lately from school and like just whatever so I kind of laughed and then I threw the letter into the drawer next to my bed and then later on she comes into my room I still did not make a thing out of it that I didn't say anything to her then later she goes did you read my letter and I'm like what are you apologizing for did you do something that I don't know she goes no I just I just feel like I haven't been myself lately and I'm like really she's like I don't know I just feel like I've been so Emma I've been so upset and stressed out I haven't been myself and if you felt that I just wanted to apologize wow and I still laughed at her like I'm like get out of here I was like what are we talking about you know and then afterwards I had to I went to the Jordan Hashem the letter was still there so I still have the letter um so yeah because you were asking me you know when they say premonitions yeah um so two special stories am I gonna show because that's like very fresh on my mind um so actually one of her teachers had shared um a story with me last week um she was saying that one day the girls were on the bus in the morning going to school and I guess they had a final that morning so they were all like in a rush to be in school like on time and one of the girls that lives close nearby um had messaged the school chat I guess like um not to school the great chat asking if anyone already uh is in school or she can get a ride she didn't have a ride or she missed the bus I'm not even sure exactly the story but basically Leo realizes from what she writes that she is starting to walk to school and there's like no right for her and but they're on the bus so everyone was like no we're on the bus and like yeah no ride okay so Leo actually said to her call me and I'm going to be on the phone with you while you're walking to school until you get to school just to make sure that you're okay and Leo actually called her and while she walked which was like whatever a five minute walk she walked to school but Leo made it a thing to stay on the phone with her to talk to her until she got to school like it might seem so little but like you know presence of mind when she realized like she she was looking for like a ride or to walk with someone or whatever so that was one thing which which is very real character it's not for me it's not like wow Leo did that it's a very real thing to do um it's just amazing how other people see it and how she she actually used it with her friends in school and actually she's a very Leo thing to do I love that expression it's a very I think it's like a verb yeah also Lee l the name is that God is to me yeah right yeah and when when a person lives with Hashem in their life those are the types of things their behaviors and actions she fully lived with Hashem fully um um this is another cute story but like I mean this is like after this is not like you know it happened like whatever a few months ago shimmy was sharing with me a story she was doing about Mitzvah recently and um she said when she got to the Bat Mitzvah um she noticed that there were like two different like schools over there I guess the girl went to different schools so she invited like friends from both schools so she's like when you go to this kind of a bat mitzvah you can feel like a little bit the separation because it's two different schools you know it's not like the girls are being clicky it's just they have their friends and their friends so she was like saying how she thought how to get the girls to be together so she took the mic and actually she hears me I need the video she says she has something wrong with me um she went over to the table to the girls and she said to them who's going to be the person that's gonna bring like everyone together and like to dance together and like to be on the dance floor and she said it's crazy this one girl jumped out and she raised her hand and she said I am going to pull a Leo tonight wow wow and this happened recently you sing yeah just to show you this is what Leo was she's she was that glue and her and her her the impact that she had left and it was 15 years is still living out and that's what it means I guess you know the term living for Leo that sort of means just you know keeping her her Legacy and her her life vibrant and Alive by doing the things that she would do yeah yeah does that bring you and your family like does that make you guys happy to see of course yeah you know the more um Leo has a lot of light to her she had a lot of light she would walk into her room and the room would just be like already like lit with Sim high and smiles it's naturally that's who she was naturally like that like coming from school she would walk home and our music would be pumping on her on her phone and she walk in dancing walk into the kitchen like tease me like she was just joy and simcha all the time so you can only imagine the void that we're feeling but when this stuff comes up and like the stories about her and how you know people are pulling Alia or you know they're trying to be like Leo that's of course it gives like um I don't even know if Comfort is the word but it's definitely it feels feels right it feels good um you know to spread Leo's light and we'll be right back to this episode of the meaningful people podcast you know what you're standing on your back porch and you're looking outside you're saying hey this backyard looks too bare and it's getting nice outside what are my kids gonna play with well how about a perfect swing set from swing it they are literally the number one people to go to to order a swing set for your children invite your family over 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thrived in the challenge of the unfathomable pain of losing a child a daughter and what's striking to me about your experience is that a lot of the discussion that we had with him was about his preparation for that pain for that loss and he was he had the opportunity to do that work leading up to the goodbye and what's striking about your story is that there was no there was no preparation whatsoever it was no one second to the next this challenge of finding the thank you Hashem within the pain was from from the first second yeah I think all about it a lot because you know sometimes people always like um they try to introduce me to other like a grieving parents um you know to like just talk and let things out and it's always the same thing you know like I haven't not yet met someone that went through a shocking like all of the sudden like no prep no nothing so it's like our talks don't always like the difference okay the pain it's the same pain it's not like one is better than the other but it's different yeah it's different so it's very hard to explain like what we processed at the beginning what sometimes we're still processing sometimes I'm still in shock sometimes I'll walk into her room and I'll be like what it really happened like it's not do you know what I'm saying like everything is like stand still her knap stack is still there everything is like it's just Frozen in Time so yeah it's um but I think this whole thing of like living with thank you Hashem I have to say it's it's thanks to Leal it's she this is Julio it's who she was it's who she is she still instills this to us like it's it's Olio it's this is yeah can I ask if the the ideology the the amuna that runs through this thread as you're terming it as thank you Hashem was that a presence in your life leading up to it or was it more introduced and embraced thereafter it was wow no way no I would complain to Hashem all the time okay no no that's a hard no I think listen it's in the house you know you talk about it all the time you know you sing all the thank you Hashem all the time with the kids and then Hashem is here Hashem is there you know it's it's it's talked about right it's it's in the house um the question is is like when the time comes to practice it um when the rubber meets the road yeah so the question is did I practice it from like the beginning um it's a question that I I still like I ask myself like how and like when um yeah I mean I feel like at the beginning there was just a lot processing like just shock like it was a shock and then when the shock a little bit wore off and it was like now like oh my goodness what had happened um I think Hashem was kind enough to um send us all these little messages to show us how it wasn't just a car accident it wasn't just a drunk driver like just look how specially I was look at all the things she did look at like you know also I don't know if you know the story like with her phone for anyone that might not all right I'm free to share it sure so I'm just there were a lot of little things and little messages I tell you when I found myself to be in a very very that like deep deep pain that is just like nothing can help and you feel choking this is when in my deepest darkest that's when I turned to Hashem and I beg him to help me and I have to say crazy enough every time I've begged when I say beg I mean like from the from the kishka from the inside he would always send me a sign and it will always be something like what like something you know I'm gonna give you an example um we okay let me give you this example and then the other one okay and I think it was the third day third morning of Shiva okay my husband already came back from Israel and um I woke up in the morning at like a little bit before six a few minutes before like six and my kids slept with me in my bed and in the mornings like I would wake up and I would just look around the room to see like if it's a dream like I would look first of all I would look to see if my the Shiva clothes were like on on like the you know like on the side of the bed like oh like I would look for signs to see if like I'm waking up from a nightmare so I woke up and I remember like that morning like that third morning that I woke up I woke up and I'm like oh my gosh I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can and I looked on my kids that were sleeping next to me they were like passed out that it was dark outside I'm like I really can't do this and I sat at the edge of the bed and I just started crying and I'm like this is too painful I'm like help me with my pain like I can't I can't do this I can't I can't I can't live like this like how much longer another minute another Shiva another day I can't I can't and as I was like sort of like meditating in my pain and trying to connect and to feel Hashem inside me and I'm like Hashem please help me all of a sudden I start hearing music and I'm like okay this is getting to my brain right now because when I meditate very hard and I'm like okay I'm hearing music and I'm trying to like sort of like clear my brain to see if it's like in my brain I'm like no there's music it's six o'clock in the morning everyone's sleeping and I'm looking around the room and I'm like wait it's coming from like my drawers like on top of my drawers we had like all our clothing since my kids slept in the room with me so it was like tits pajamas like she have a clothes like Bala God my husband came back from Israel like the whole like chaos and but I got in the room and I'm like the music is coming from there from like this mess wow I walk over and all of a sudden I'm hearing it's ishi Rebo playing cibata siboat wow right and I'm like Sam like you know like I go and I move all the clothes and the music is getting a little bit louder as I'm clearing more and more of the glue clothes over and what do I see Leo's phone and it's an alarm that says good morning it's time for school and it's ishiribo playing cibata siboat and I'm standing there and I'm like Leo first of all does not have an alarm on her phone because we wake her up every morning at 6 20. this alarm went off at six why is the phone going off and why is the phone in the room and I don't understand what's going on so I'm standing there and I'm shaking that I can't even turn off the alarm because I think that like Hashem is right here next to me giving me this message you know playing sibatha cebot and I'm like Hashem and it's like Leo it's like what's going on and it's painful but I'm feeling very like and then my husband walks into the room he's like what's going on like you walk off on the on the song he takes the phone turns it off we're both crying and I'm like Effie what is happening like this doesn't make sense and he's like what do you mean it's Leo's alarm she doesn't have an alarm we wake her up every morning to school and it's very hard to wake her up to school like Leah loves to sleep how can that be that there's an alarm at six o'clock like like Hashem did you set that like did you just do that like what's going on so I'm very confused and at this point already we got up we we changed we go downstairs and the day kind of passes and the family comes and my nieces come over and like we're all like hanging out the Shabbat before my nieces slept over for Shabbat so one of my nieces slept with Leo in the room in Leo's room so I'm sitting there and I'm like guys you gotta hear this like crazy story so I'm telling them what happened in the morning I'm like the alarm and I got up and then I was talking to Hashem and then I'll say about to see both and they're like and I'm like and I don't get it but Leo doesn't have an alarm this is insane I don't get and my niece is sitting there and she's like oh to damaya you don't know the story like what story she's like Leo like the alarm story I'm like no no please do share she's like oh I wouldn't have known about it if I didn't sleep here last week like what happened she says to me um yeah you know like so whatever Friday night I went to bed and um Leo's ceiling fan was on so the room was like very cold it's December like it's freezing outside so she said oh Leo shoot your ceiling fan is on and it's Shabbat like what are we gonna do she goes no I left it on on purpose she's like why would you leave a ceiling fan on on purpose she's like oh you don't know I get very hot at night I don't like when the heat is on the heat makes the room very hot I like to put the ceiling fan on it's like you're you're you're she's like [ __ ] you're hot she's like what are you talking about it's like I'm freezing she's like I'm so sorry let me give you an extra sweatshirt should give her an extra blanket she's like I'm so sorry I didn't think to turn it off I'm always hot and then she went to bed and she was wearing a tank top and somebody says to her you're going to sleep in a tank top you're not even going to wear a sweater with the fan on she's like no you don't understand I'm always hot like it's always hot in my room and she's like okay she's like you know I actually I wear a tank top to sleep like every night because I'm so hot but in the morning I set my alarm at 6 a.m to get up and wear a more covered pajama and I go back to sleep and my niece is like Leo this is like the dumbest thing I ever heard oh you put you all up you gotta have to go to school she's like no no you don't understand I go back to sleep so my parents would wake me up and I don't want when my father comes into the room I'm wearing a tank top you know I want to be nice and covered when my father wakes me up Leo but if you're putting an alarm and you're getting out of bed and you're changing into another pajamas are you kidding me just change into your school clothes and she goes you don't understand I like it when my parents wake me up I like it that my father comes to wake me up so I wake up before and I wear a more covered pajama and I just go back to sleep so then I'm he can wake me up and I can be comfortable that I'm not like wearing you know a tank top and when my niece shared that with me I was like I would have never known that and it was just that that moment that like I needed something from Hashem and he gave it to me I don't even know how Leo's phone got to my room it's crazy how you mentioned um that you were sitting there in that moment and begging Hashem for to take some of the pain off of you and you described how the the phone the music was coming from the Shiva clothing yeah that's where it was under like it was from the it was from the thing that signified I didn't even think about that yeah the deepest pain is coming from there I don't even know what that means but it means something maybe oh I'm so it just goes back to this whole thank you Hashem of where like the more I even in my in my pain even with my tears even sometimes with my screaming like I I Channel it to Hashem and I always feel that he'll he'll he'll send me something you know like yeah my father always remarked when uh he would tell us when he would like teach us how to drive um he would say when he got his first driving when he was taking driving lessons back in the I don't know 60s sorry I don't know it's a long time ago but he said it was one it was the teacher said tomorrow morning 5am let's meet in the parking lot it's a winter day and they met in the parking lot and they were in a it was a sheet of ice the teacher said I'm gonna show you what to do when you're sitting on ice so the drive teachers driving he hits the brakes and all of a sudden this the car starts skidding it's turning he's like what do I do and all the kids guys are like turn the other way he said no that's how you lose control you gotta turn into the skid and he turned into the skid the car corrects itself and you're able to be safe so it's like when things are are painful and you know sometimes when we when we tense and restrict and we try to push away it causes more pain it causes more hurt but if you lean into it and you say Hashem this is where I'm supposed to be the music's coming from the Chevy clothes I'm gonna put those clothing on and I'm gonna that's that's the ticket that's the ticket out yeah yeah that's the curse to me as well that the music that you heard was a direct result of Leo's innocence and her yeah just her her beauty and how her how she was sensitive yeah to how your husband would come upon her in the morning but she still wanted to be woken up by her father and that was the hug that you got when you need it yeah yeah totally I mean I I was able to like get dressed and go downstairs and it was like the third day you know it's like it's very hard to say if it gave you I feel like you go to a sheer like you hear something inspiring you're getting and it's very hard to say if I was confident it gave me a sense of um it's like Hashem is here which is like that's yeah and and honestly like this is what I work on all the time because you know sometimes you don't feel Hashem and and that's the hardest and I feel like I can go through my days without feeling him so you know this is where I've like like might be talking again it's like it's come from a lot of learning I read a lot of books um and I work on trying to feel him and rely on him for everything and when I do it's it's like a blanket you know it's like I know he's going to take care of everything I know I know we're going to be okay so it's always just like thank you Hashem we'll be right back to this episode in just a second but guess what you know the weather is getting nice outside and that just means one big thing houses are selling more people are selling their homes people are starting to move and when you're buying a house something that's super important is title you need title if you know what I'm talking about then you need to reach out to ilstitle.com you know title is a very very important process of buying a home and you want to make sure that the title company in your corner is not one that's gonna on closing day say oh sorry we have an issue it's stressful enough as it is but with ILS title there are no horror stories rain or snow volcano or tornado ILS title is gonna be there for you so reach out to that ilstitle.com maybe tell your broker your agent Who Sold you a home to say hey let's use all let's use ILS for our title this year because I heard about them on meaningful people that's a good reason no well anyways enjoy the rest of this episode something that I that I find especially challenging perhaps was challenging or maybe you'll tell me otherwise and [Music] so I guess take us through you know I guess balancing both emotions it was probably an extremely emotional time um what was that like you know what I'm actually gonna I'm actually gonna share something with you so Natalie are the first guy she ever dated was David okay um so they they started dating I think it was back in November they went on a bunch of dates and um she wasn't so sure because he was the first guy you know when you're going out for the first time and everything seems perfect it's too classic it's like you can't be you know the parent said maybe just so she was really nervous yeah I know exactly what you mean by the way my wife was the first girl that I dated really oh for real and she I remember she kept asking me she's like how do you know like what do I compare it's like how do you know like maybe I don't get it I don't understand like she was just very you know like it was just going like too perfect so they got to like a point I think in their dating where it was just like okay either it's like the next step or you know so it was Friday and she got very like nervous and she said to me you know what I I don't think this is for me I don't think this is for me and like I I and I said why and she'd even give me like a good reason it was just that she felt as the first guy she dated and things are just going like very smoothly whatever whatnot and she messaged the David and said like it's not gonna work out Saturday nights um David messaged um Natalie and he said to her about it I don't understand things are going so great between us you know um what happened and no no no I'm not gonna get into details and they she said to him should I go out with him should we you know he said if we should go out and talk I said yeah because there's nothing really that you're saying that bothers you that I'm gonna say like oh this guy's not for you I mean he sounds amazing and and you're you know everything is being checked off you're just nervous so yeah go talk out your emotions go talk to him so so that night she got dressed to go on a date and that was the night of the accident and I was with Leo on FaceTime so Leo on Friday she knew that Natalie was not interested to go out with David and then she said where's Natalie going and I said she's going on a date with David she's like what she's going on a date so she started singing wedding songs on the face time and she said IMA we need to go get dresses for the wedding and like and then Natalie was getting annoyed with her she's like yes just being so weird stuff like you're being so annoying it's just a date you know like that's how our conversation was that night um when Natalie came back from the date she came into my room and she said he might go up can we talk and I said yeah I said how did it go I said he went really well and I think you know I think I think we're gonna go to like the next and I said you know what we need to talk about this in the morning the next thing you know we were waking up like an hour later wow okay um so now to say like a simcha and this together I feel like you know it didn't come out of nowhere it was like it was already there intertwined almost yes I can't explain it it was like you did a really good job explaining it that's amazing that's incredible did you get what I'm saying like it's like sometimes I think I don't make sense and it's like and it's like Leo she like wish Mazel Tov in a way by singing the wedding song she like wished miles up to her sister it was actually even the night of the wedding it was you know what I told Natalie um whatever it was like then like after solution we came back and her and David were still seeing each other and in my head it was like okay nothing is happening until after this like a whole year you know well then like months later like all right I came in he was like look they're religious like you can't you can't hold him off for so long let them at least get engaged then before you knew it one thing like that's another and then to um the wedding and at the wedding actually I have even a video of it because it's like it's just crazy to say how Leo was like part of everything and we even we felt her at the SIM card like she's felt everywhere like Leo likes she's sends me these messages and does things like all the time um at the wedding so you know when you by the way like in Persian weddings you know like everyone walks down the aisle and it's like dancing and all the cousins want to walk we're up to the part of the episode where the the Persians are hitting on the ashkenazim okay it took us an hour to get there but we're there so Natalie made a playlist right for her for for the wedding for if I was walking down to what whatever Parts you know like with the music and she went through it so many times like with a DJ like this is walking to this when this ends after this song in this song and it was like all set and which by the way also her song walking down the aisle she originally wanted that song then she switched it to another song So when that played at the wedding we were like shocked I'm like nah she's like no I decided last minute it felt right for her we were not even thinking about the meaning of the words to the song um so basically everyone walks down right and then like there's now it's now it's only the um the ring boys and then the flower girls and then us so you know I'm crying I'm a mess Dominic to Hashem like I'm like okay this is like you know it's very like your nerves are like skyrocketed the boys go out and she put like a song for them and then the girls were supposed to go out to a Disney song to Moana but for some reason the the major D that was taking care of everything had the girls go out like with the boys so they were walking out with the ring boys like they didn't have their moment the flower girls and now he goes oh no no no no no no she was like trying to like hold on to the last girl like don't go it's not your song and the guy was like it doesn't matter it's fine they're already half of the flower goes left let the rest of them go she's like but that's not a flower girl song they're walking to the ring boys and he was like it's okay it's okay don't worry and Ali was like oh gosh now watch now Moana is gonna stop playing so I'm like okay the probably the DJ will skip it right they walk behold Moana starts a Disney song and the entire crowd stands up on their feet but now he's not gonna walk out to Moana right like she has her song so the the guy there is like under a tight schedule he's like okay you're ready like Veil down there and she's like no no no no I am not walking to Moana that was a mistake like that was the flower girls were supposed to be now tell the DJ to stop Moana so he's trying to get the DJ like on the other line like telling him to stop the song that there was an error he's not hearing him but for every other song he heard him like he would say okay next grandparents coming out okay next when it came to this era he was not hearing him Moana plays from the beginning till end oh my God people are standing there for two minutes no bride is coming out and David is freaking out he's like and then we come out a day after the wedding one of my friends calls me off and she goes to me that is so beautiful did you do that on purpose for Leo to walk down alone down the aisle what are you talking about she's like to Moana right Leah loves Moana she walked down to it and like it's just it's like no that was a mistake and she's like I want to show you the video and when you see the video every time I see it I start crying I promise you Leo went to the DJ and she just went like this to him and she was like the girls are gonna go out and I'm gonna have my moment wow I'm gonna walk out before my sister and she walked and she was there and we felt her as much as it was funny it was the crowd also stood everyone stood there was silence and it's a Disney song yeah it's those little things that it's like thank you Hashem like thank you thank you that I felt Leo at the wedding thank you that she she got to walk we all keep saying like that was Leo's was it a mistake swarm act I shouldn't say that all of the nashamas that are connected to the Hassan and the Kala participate at the hubba the ancestors The Descendants the sadikim and any nishama that is connected to the Hassan and kala they leave it 100 you feel it you can feel it under the you can feel it you can totally fill it yes it was crazy emotions yeah but like what I want to say is that I I took it the other way that like I nearly all was there like I would imagine like her dancing with me like I imagined her in the dress like I imagined us like in the circle so it's every story you're saying you know it gets to a certain point I'm like oh yeah it's crazy and then you take it to like this I'm like that isn't normal when you shared the story of the phone playing you were remembering that as one of two stories I think um so there was another thing with her phone which that was like till today it blows my mind away but I remember I was like shocked over it for like a few months it was like another it was another like thank you Hashem um it was not this Adar it was last year and it was I remember I think it was a Monday morning I woke up and I said to my husband I said oh my gosh I had a dream about Leal I'm not going to share the dream but it was a good dream but I had a dream about Leo but I woke up and I was like I miss her so much like a pain again like this pain is just like sometimes comes and it just washes like it's like you it's like you can't control it so remember I sat on on the couch and I was like in so much pain and I felt that I needed to do something to like just heal it a little bit um so I I'm gonna have to go back before I go to here another phone story which that's how it's connected to that during Shiva and one of the days Charlene aminov she wrote um an article on Leal and I think it was for the Jewish um yeah and they needed a picture of Leo and we couldn't find a picture of her meaning they didn't ask me that they were asking the girls like the paper they want a nice picture of Leo so Nelly my my older daughter was being very overprotective she's like no Leo wouldn't have liked her hair like this or this and then they found a picture that was like she thought maybe I would be okay with and they came and asked me they said can this picture be in the paper I said it's okay I said Leo has such beautiful pictures like well where are they I said go to her phone she has tons of pictures on her phones so my niece went upstairs to grab Leo's phone and it was off and when she turned it on um you know like it's like it's really hard it like really breaks my heart her friends tilt today her friend still send her messages I don't open them it's it's all like it's like in like the hundreds of thousands they still send her like messages um and she turned on so you know like when you turn on your phone and then like all the messages like start rolling in so she held it and she didn't like want to touch it she just let all the messages roll in and then after it stopped she sees that on the top there's two time sensitive reminders one of them says you can do it like she's cheering herself on at 1 15 and one of them is at 5 pm set for every day under time sensitive simply like this Hashem loves and stay strong wow so my niece sees this and she's like that's insane so she doesn't want to touch the phone and open up to the pictures so she took a screenshot of it which I have the screenshot saved from like that date and she runs downstairs and she goes to me I have to show you something crazy with Leo's phone and I said what and she's like look what she has said on her phone did you know that she had this kind of reminders no it's crazy why would she write Hashem loves and stay strong every day at 5 pm the whole week we were talking about it and then our off came over one of the mornings and I showed it to him and he smiled at me and he said you know who this message is for you know like she's she put it in there before for you Shem love stay strong and I'm like I didn't only always like that like that she at five o'clock I feel like you know five o'clock for some people it's happy hour I feel like for us it's like crunch time it's like it's dark outside we're we're hungry it's dinner it's homework she was on the bus like it's like it's not five o'clock it's not so much fun and that's the time she needed Hashem loves and stays strong so the whole week we were talking about and we were like just so blown away and I remember we kept asking her friends all of her best friends I said did you know that Leo had this reminder did you know I asked my kids my boy nobody knew about it nobody had any idea now we're going back to that morning Rose called this adhar when I woke up and I said I had a dream about Leo and I'm in so much pain I'm in so much pain like Hashem I can't I can't do this I can't do the pain again help me I need help I need help and I'm like okay I need to know that Hashem loves and I need to stay strong I need Leo's reminder on my phone as well wow so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go to Leo's phone I'm gonna turn it on because her phone is off next to my bed we don't open it I said and I'm going to copy her reminder exactly like the way she did the Emoji and the way she likes she's exactly that's what I need I need everyday reminder I need to know that Hashem loves me and to stay strong I go I turn on her phone and I see the reminder and I start typing it out on my phone so I was like wait a minute if it's a reminder how did she do it so I go and I open up the reminder and in an iPhone you know you have tasks right and I see she made tasks so I wanted it to be the same way right so I was a task she made that under a task she created okay if you don't know the story you don't know the story okay you ready for this okay ready it took me months to process this your iPhone you open up you have tasks shopping whatever you know one of the tasks simply says in these words bringing mashiach sounds like I'm making it up I promise I'm going to show you afterwards a screenshot of uh her phone and I'm like I would never hear leel talk about mashiach you know but she actually made a task to do to bring mashiach this girl thought she's bringing mashiach and when you click on the task there's two reminders underneath there under time sensitive that need to be checked off every day one is to say minha every day at 1 15. and one simply Hashem loves and stays strong that's it that's it and I sat there thank you Hashem like my pain that I was like was like burning and like I felt like I can't do this anymore and I go and I look at her phone I'm like thank you Hashem thank you for directing me like I feel like Hashem navigated me as I could go upstairs turn on your daughter's phone go to the tasks because we saw it during the week of shiv already but this is already like two months later so yeah I said fire hashem's doing everything Hashem what's so what's so remarkable about that is that people talk about bringing mashiach and you have to do these extraordinary Feats what everyone needs to do to bring mashiach is that task of just knowing that Hashem loves and be strong yeah wow it's also it's also there's also it's like it's like you don't have to stand on your head to bring a shack just do what Hashem you know I actually I took this to Rabbi finder um we went to see Rabbi feiner about two weeks it was like two weeks after Shiva Eliza took us to him um so then afterwards I went to him also with his reminders I met Rabbi final for the first time um I think it was like two weeks after um his wife was Leo's teacher a tag um so when I went to see rabbi feiner um the reason why Elisa took us was because I wasn't finding any like any comfort like I wasn't at peace at all like 24 hours I was just like it was yeah there was just no peace at all and I was telling her and I'm like I just don't get it this whole story I just don't get it and I don't get where Leo is like where is she like I I don't get it like I'm just I need to know really all is and um she said you know what I think it'll do good to you if you speak throughout my finer so I said okay yeah fine let's go um that whole time period from like the accident and those two weeks you know a lot of people asked me if I was like angry or angry with Hashem no I was just like I don't get it you're looking you're searching right yeah so when we went to see Rabbi finder and I went to his office actually over there I got angry because you know like Hashem he's not tangible like you can't touch him right so it's like I can't get had to get angry with someone you can't see like it's like fighting with a ghost yeah I need to yell at you I need to like so it's like very hard to get angry sham that's it I'm gonna you know it's a rough he's like Hashem I'm gonna get angry at him he can send my message to Hashem so that's really insightful yeah right yeah to be able to release that expression yeah on someone who you view as as a Ambassador yeah yeah it was like you you go tell him being a rubbing easy yeah you know oh not easy at all we went into his office with Natalie Effie and I and we're sitting in the office and so I'm Israeli and if I get angry like my Israeli side like comes takes the best of me you know so I was like switches from English to Hebrew at the highest pitch yeah I become a little bit so I like I walk in and I order my husband at notice like on me and he was like oh no I was like no like I need to ask questions I I have so much to say he was like okay it might have been irrespectful it's a rough and I'm like that doesn't matter and when I find her for the first time meeting him he is like so Angelic yeah and he speaks like very softly and slowly and like and I just came in there like ah you know like no one ever accused her before I never speaking slowly though right well he wasn't giving a speech he was right yeah he was sitting with us and he was being so sensitive and he was just like how could I help we find her like where's his heart like yeah on his everywhere like that's a refiner and I just really just wanted to catch him on something that he wouldn't be able to answer me and like and I knew where I was getting with it I was like I just wanted that rough to tell me like I don't have the answer you know um so as soon as we sat there and he said to me you know like what could I do to like not to like help and I said to him you know what I want you to tell me where's Leo no no actually I want you to tell me why you know no no no like I would not let him talk I just like I was like venting out and I think he realized I was venting so he got sat there with a smile he let me get it all out and I said I need to understand why and I don't want you to tell me that her time was up I don't want you to tell me that this was her tikkun like that's a dumb answer to say to a mother that lost a 15 year old child okay um because you know you would hear it here and there you know like rabbis will come and try to give you like some that's not like don't tell me that my child finished the article like they were perfect and they left like then why and I said to him why would I want to have kids that are have such great midot I'm like you know everyone talks about Leo's me Dot and her personality on character like I mean why would I want to work on that why would I want to put my kids in Yeshiva why would I wanna why would I want to be such a great person right let me be completely off the Derek let me like do my thing when I get a day before 120 duchova go to Allah I'm like this way I live this will have to be worried about losing anyone in my life you know like yeah it sounds funny but like really I came to think about it like why would I want to do anything for Hashem I'm like why like you know like so he just listened to me and I'm like you know like I got him like let's see how he answers this one and he says to me Mrs like you you really think that people just pass when they like finished articun like people actually like live like they finished their tickets like look at like avram avinu they were born holy like they didn't die right away they live for hundreds a year why because I'm Israel the Jewish Nation needed them we needed them forward to kunim a lot of people finished our ticket in this world right they're holy they're still around to help others with their tikkun so you know it doesn't it's like you'll live to 120 don't worry you and your kids so I said to him I mean in my head I I that it didn't come out of my mouth in my head I was like are you for real did you just say that to me it's like I'm like did you just say that I'm like you don't see all the people around you that needed Leo you don't see all the stories like hello like just look at everything every like Leela's gone like viral everyone's talking about how she was uh you know how she was the glue she was this with her friends like I I what are you saying like her teacher is like the things the teachers would say and he said to me exactly I think it was like you know like I couldn't catch him like on anything and then he said to me um you know if you would look at Leal and her like Outreach everyone that she had reached like in her life you would look at all like her Great Neck friends and you would look at um all the tag girls um the Sternberg girls maybe some girls she met from Brooklyn it's like let's just say the tri-state area he's like you know let's just say like 25 miles radius she reached people she impacted them she inspired them right are you realizing what Leo is doing from shamaim she tapped into the tri-state area here she's tapping worldwide people are shaken to the core from the yell people have taken so many things upon themselves there's like the Shema reading minha reading like khala bakes people taking mitzvotama among themselves like the table before Shabbat yeah setting the table before Shabbat is like this is it has gone worldwide people are reaching out to me from Brazil from Australia like countries that it's like you see what she's doing her she wasn't doing enough here she tapped out she finished she did Sternberg she did tag she did great neck tapped she needed more wow and I think that day I think this is like where my journey to like um it's like Hashem I think it started when I left his office wow wow it's amazing I wanted I know it's getting late but there's I just I feel compelled I think you're so uniquely positioned to shed a certain light on the movement that is thank you Hashem and I I happen to be very close with some of the founders and some of the forces behind that particular movement and they do a fabulous job of putting something out there that is so awesome and fun and schmuck and that everyone is just fired up about but I think that it's important for people to realize that it's not just a magnet that goes on a car right and it's not just the most awesome swag that ever was created and it's not just incredible music but it's a message and a movement that is helping people like in your position to live with Hashem yeah through pain that's beyond anything that anyone can imagine yeah 100 yeah you know like when you were like asking me before if it was like this in my house like prior to this yeah so like with everyone else like you're saying the magnets and the thank you Hashem and the songs you know but it's like you know what do you do when the time comes and you you know really need to have your guitar on and like rely on Hashem and I feel like if you are if Hashem challenges you like to that extreme the kind of challenge that I you know been through and you're able to pass that I feel like it's like getting over that little hump you know it's like it's imagine it's like a mountain right and like you're like you're you're singing and you're dancing and thank you Hashem you know but once you pass it on the other side it's a different thank you Hashem yes it's the magnets into dancing it's all that but it's different it's it's you're in your nishama it's inside it's real it's real it's the magnet on the soul it's not just on the car anymore it's not just something good well it's amazing the last question I want to ask you and thank you so much for giving us your time I really I'm gonna be driving home tonight on fire just on the things you're saying and seeing you know the way you're living and I and I know that I'm sure it's not like this year 24 7. there are dark times and there are times where the mascaras dripping yeah you know that's how it is but to even be able to access yeah my mascara is gonna be crazy in the car yes I wear orange mascara guys don't worry but if if Leo was sitting right here which you know what right will be very well possible that she is right now um and I'm I think that maybe you even do this sometimes maybe that you speak to her well what would you say to her since you know time has passed since she since she's not here what would you say so it's crazy what I'm going to tell you that I said because I do say it to her all the time I always ask her to send me signs what is it that we need to do to bring Michelle faster I always I always ask her send me that little sign like what do we need to do is it what is it you put it on your phone I sometimes look for signs in her room I'm like what do we need to do and I it became like my my mission in life like yeah let me keep my goal like just to bring mashiach you know it's what's the answer you know but it's because of her it's because of the reminders on her phone it's because of all these little messages I feel like she she instilled it into me I wouldn't have been so much I would have been more like okay I'm dealing with a tragedy and like I need to like have Pizza Hut in Hashem but all of a sudden in turn to like no if Leo had a task on her phone bringing mashiach then then I'm I'm bringing I'm bringing okay it's like say if Leah wants me to do this for her [Music] you mentioned that bro fighter said Hashem needed her remember to show them the tasks that Hashem is calling your daughter Leo namdar foreign we're so close it gives me hope yeah this is number thank you so much for for joining us thank you thank you hope everyone enjoyed this episode of meaningful people podcast once again a big thank you to our friend Isaac Newman sponsoring this episode Lila nishmas's mother should really really have an Alia thank you Isaac we really always appreciate your support well Maya namdar um there's no other words you know really really incredible the story that she told and I think that living for Leo pulling a Leo doing the things that she had mentioned on this on this episode are are things that we should take away from it uh to keep that in mind whether you're a girl who's going to Bob schmitzer or you're a parent in in the workplace or in your home live for Leo Le Freya live for Leo like the namdars are doing it um and it should be a big big success for her nashama and you know like like Maya said Michelle is really the only thing that that we need right now Chef is what we need and Merz Hashem uh that'll be coming in the middle of listening to this episode that'd be pretty cool hear that chauffeur it's time to go well anyways thank you for listening to another episode of meaningful people make sure to leave a rating or subscribe you know 74.3 percent of you are watching our videos on YouTube are not subscribed that is not cool that's like literally walking to a store and just grabbing things off the shelf and leaving without saying thank you like just hit the Subscribe button you don't need to thank us but just hit the Subscribe button we really appreciate your support always we hope to see you again next week on the meaningful people podcast adios amigos [Music] hope you enjoyed this video from meaningful minute we have so much more content for you you may like this you may like this take your pick let us know what you think

Channel: Meaningful People

Views: 61,181

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Id: 2GwMI3ebKFA

Length: 91min 6sec (5466 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 18 2023