Living Brave with Brene Brown and Oprah Winfrey

careful Jess so welcome to living brave thank you for doing this I'm gonna do it yeah so these are conversations about courage with people who I believe are living brave lives who are inspiring me to be braver and you're one of those people so family so we'll start with that all right we're gonna start with a couple of words that are really important to me and really important in my work okay definition for me vulnerability is being willing to express the truth no matter what the truth of who you are the essence at your core what you're feeling in any given moment it's being able to open up your soul and let it flow so that other people can see their soul in yours so this is the first question is your time I don't know that this is okay yeah give me an example from your life well what give me a specific thing that feels really vulnerable for you still after all of your experience what's still vulnerable for you not professionally or personally uh wait discussing wait not having conquered the whole weight struggle figuring out what to eat next what not to eat the whole balancing what it means to be a strong powerful woman in the world juxtaposed trying to control what you're eating yeah that's still a vulnerable space for me so I think when people you know because we've done work together people ask me a lot of questions about you and they tell me the stories they've made up about you oh yeah really yeah and they're you know and I you know and I have stories too but I've gotten to know you a little bit and I know how dangerous stories are that we tell ourselves about ourselves and about other people especially when we're in comparison mm-hmm I think people see you as someone who is fearless who has no more fear who is conquered at all what do people not know about you in terms of struggle still to be brave are there still some struggles you have about being brave with your life I've worked on the disease to please a lot and as you've heard me say that in 1989 I had a really big breakthrough with that reading Garry Zhukov's book on intention so I started literally living an intentional life where I don't make any decisions unless I think about what is my true pure motivation for doing it because I do recognize the law of cause and effect that says the intention informs even the cause so that before you have an action there is a reason for you taking that action and the reason for the action is what's going to actually show up in your life on the other end that's what's going to come back to you that intention so that helped me a lot with the disease to please because I was always giving giving giving giving giving and then I was also thrown when people would come back and and ask for more and I couldn't understand why they were asking for more well people ask for more because your reason for giving it is so that they think that you're nice that's your real intention well they do think you're nice this is hard to hear keep going they do think you're nice and that is why they keep coming back they come back because you're the nice one you're going to say yes when even you mean no so you're the person I'm going to call to go pick up my kids when I can't or don't want to because you're going to say yes even if you don't want to do it so that's why people keep coming back when your intention is not really clear so that that took a lot of fear away for me but at least for me a clarity of intention helped me live a more fearless life I love that so what if your intention is I want to lead a brave life and not disappoint anyone you cannot live a brave life without disappointing some people I just I know that in my heart but it sounds really important as I live a brave life without disappointing some people but those people who get disappointed it's really okay yes the people who really care for you the people who are rooting for your rise will not be disappointed the only people who are disappointed people who have their own agenda yeah and their agenda is not aligned with your agenda and that's how I make myself brave I say well the people who really care about you who want you who are rooting for your rise those people who are rooting for your rise they're going to be okay when you say no so let me ask you this question that's related very tough in this world that can seem very unforgiving critical not mean-spirited sometimes even oh you shut yourself off from all the feedback and it's dangerous because you need some of it and you need to stay open and connected but you open yourself up to everything and it will kill you it will make you less brave because some of it is just not helpful right how do you and so I want a really specific answer how do you stay open to meaningful feedback that can make you better as a leader at what you do but also filter out the stuff that is just mean-spirited that will hurt you and take you down hmm well first of all I never read any comments okay that are coming from negative people if I start to read something and shut her down shut it down I will I will not take I will not take that in so how do you open to feedback that is helpful are there people you go to or do what how do you do that I have a kitchen cabinet and I had a kitchen cabinet since you know the beginning of my career different people have been in that kitchen cabinet over the years but there are a few people who are my resource who I know are going to tell me the truth Steadman is going to tell me the truth no matter what hard or even hard oh please okay the harder the truth there the harder the truther I got it okay Bob green my friend oh my gosh brutal sometimes okay brutal to the point of the the reason why Bob green is he's like my brother but the reason why uh you know we remain friends over the years he's the only person that that actually been so brutal with the truth he's made me cry but is not afraid to tell me just the brutal truth okay um I have Bob Greene I have Stedman I have Gayle who are going to tell me the truth no matter what these are your truth tellers these are my truth tellers I got a cabinet for sure and I value them so much because they will tell me what I don't want to hear but need to hear yeah and I love it and they love me through it but and this is the other thing your cabinet can go through all of those comments you know cuz feedback is great and you get it immediate now your cabinet will go through and they can they can share with you the things even that are negative but that are not mean-spirited yes yeah so the physics of vulnerability if you're brave enough often enough you're gonna fall not you're gonna risk falling but you're gonna fall in a fall right what has been one of your toughest falls oh boy hmm I would say starting out with this network was a tough fall I come off the glory and the victory of 25 years of the Oprah show and was trying to put together the pieces of building a network without the right pieces I really was trusting other people's ideas about how to do it and it wasn't until I had the good sense to bring in my own team of people who had been working with whom I've been working with for you know the past decade that things start to actually fall into place for me but that was a real bitter talk about not reading comments I had spent 25 years you know sometimes you get negative publicity and certainly had the tabloids and all of that to deal with but I had never dealt with the what felt like vitriolic nananananana look at you you fall in you're not on top anymore you're not as good as you think you are all of that stuff that came in the media immediately after I entered the Oprah Show and started the climb to build this network that was a really really tough time shame I guess the word shame yeah would apply because part of it was I I was thinking wow I can't pull it together I can't figure out what's going to work and so part of the shame and embarrassment was not knowing what I didn't know and coming from a place when coming come from a place where I knew it like that back of my head like doing that show for 25 years was as easy as breathing to me right I literally could close my eyes you can put me on the set and I could stand there and talk to the I just really it just was as easy as breathing so yes I had some serious come to Jesus talks with myself about it and part of what I understood was happening is I know how the world works is the world is reflecting you back to you so the the the negative speak the sometimes vitriolic negatives speak I mean people have panels of discussion sitting up on shows talking about you know what had happened what has happened to the madhouse mortem ah yes all the post-mortem of the fall so I saw one thing in and I can t remember the headline now because I was so like I've got to dismiss it but it was like Oprah doesn't own herself anymore or Oprah doesn't and shamed me that headline devastated me shamed me so I said I'm not going to I'm not going to look at anything else I'm not going to because I already know what I'm going through I already know what it is and it's happening because you also think all those things nobody's saying anything to you that you haven't felt oh my god you bought into the narrative yeah and we're going to turn that narrative around so I had a David Zazzle I've actually said to me one one day this narrative changes today we're changing this narrative it's true so yeah that was a very difficult that was a that was a time that required a lot of courage in it and not just courage to keep going but courage to like okay what does this really mean what is this really trying to say to me you know shame has to tapes never good enough and who do you think you are when you're getting ready to do something brave in your life what is the shame gremlin message that you have to be the most cautious about the one that you have to say I'm turning this down I live with who do you think you are my whole life and not from myself as much as what was reflected to me because who do you think you are you're color girl come from Mississippi what who do you think you are you sitting up on national television who do you think you are that you can have who do you think you are that you can so um it's the who do you think you are and what is your response to that hmm my response is I used to fear hearing the term who do you think you are or you must think you oh must be pretty full of yourself big for your britches too big for your britches now I work at being full I want to be so full I am overflowing so when you see me coming it ought to make you proud to borrow a line from Maya Angelou's phenomenal women when you see me coming it ought to make you proud and what you see is a woman so full I'm overflowing with enough to share with everybody else I'm going to own the fullness without ego without arrogance but with an amazing sense of gratitude that I've been born at a time where I am female on the planet and I have the great pleasure and freedom to fill myself up amen amen amen amen to that we're going to take a really sharp right turn mm-hmm if you could put anything on a t-shirt what would it be oh it would be love as the cure love is the cure love is a cure you have a soundtrack for your life tell me one song that would absolutely have to be on that soundtrack Amazing Grace amazing she had a favorite version uh there is only in my mind one version went Lea Phipps saying Amazing Grace on my front lawn in 2005 when I brought all the legends who had represented what it meant to be excellent in my childhood so there was Maya Angelou and Coretta Scott King and there was Dorothy Height and there was Roberta Flack there was Diana Ross and there was Ruby Dee and Cicely Tyson and wetly Phipps saying Amazing Grace on my front lawn favorite room in your house mmm well first of all I love my house okay I guess say Oh again is favorite room I love this question it makes me smile uh favorite room in my house is my a bedroom office sitting room that is where I spend the most time first of all there's light coming in and usually I'm working for my desk literally with my bare feet up on the desk you know that's what power position Oh when I was filming the color purple I had written I still have the journal in my journal that one day I really hope I have enough money to have a home with beautiful things in a beautiful surrounding that batches my beautiful spirit I wrote that down in the summer of 1985 and there is the power of intention there is a power of intention but having a home surrounded by beautiful things with you know that match my beautiful spirit what's the best thing about being your age oh gosh the best thing about being my age is I have reached a point where I live in the space of awareness of the time that I might have remaining you know you have more time that you have lived unless there's going to be some big DNA discovery then you actually have to live and so it makes the time that you have right now even more precious and there's an awareness and you know one of the great great great things about for me doing interviews all these years on The Oprah Show and on own was that I got to learn from other people's mistakes so I paid really close attention to the stories powerful I paid really close attention and I learned is you know some people what a lot of shows I think probably Gale watched more shows than anybody because you watch would watch every day and exercise but she not even she saw every single day yeah I was there every day and I got to hear everything and everybody all the theories and all the stories and all the layers and layers of dysfunction along with people's victories and their triumphs and yeah yeah wisdom wisdom and I took it in I was a student of it I wasn't just eight tall Joe host I was a student I became a student of life other people's lives and how to live well by listening to those stories so I paid I paid real attention and I'm at a point in my life where I can literally rejoice in the knowing space that I hold there's a sense of confidence that can only come I think when you know and are assured that you are living life well and not from the point of view of having a lot of things but living life from this from from the from the center space when you're when you're living bravely when you're living bravely because you're living your truth I mean I really believe that we make up stories about other people's fearlessness mm-hmm but not a there's not enough conversation about the falls and the hurt and the climb back on than the shame and your show was one of the places where people had this conversation yeah and it was doing my show that I absolutely learned for sure for myself through other people's stories that there really isn't any such thing as failure and I could see the thread of you know courage that was required every time you fell down now and I could also see I could also see that failure was just there to inform you to move in a different direction it's just there to say hey not this way over here not over there wrong place and once I figured that out it became easier to be brave ver you know what I love about you one of many things but what I really love about you is if I had to describe you to someone I would say above all else you're both a teacher and a student mmm me too I wouldn't have thought of that but that is excellent apps solutely the truth you know that it which I think I'm a I really actually believe all good teachers are the best students like all good writers we are good readers usually um but it's weird almost how you straddle that tension like you have so much to impart but you are the most most curious people I've ever met in my life thank you so you're both a student and a teacher yeah thank you for being brave as your life oh thank you really thank you maybe make me braver and make the world a better place

Channel: IWILLinspire RLJ Speaks

Views: 580,319

Rating: 4.9077945 out of 5

Keywords: Living Brave with Brene Brown and Oprah Winfrey, oprah winfrey, brene brown, law of attraction

Id: 4u4J58YUB1Q

Length: 20min 46sec (1246 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 13 2016