Listening To God's Will

hey I'm father Mark Mary we're the Maliki we are the Franciscan friars the Renault and this is essential presents last week we heard a little bit about the conversion story of brother Malky and this week he's gonna share with us kind of the stories that went on from there Thank You father McMurray great to be here again yeah that experience of God's mercy my life that I shared about that began this new life this new relationship you know led me in all kinds of different directions that were completely unanticipated you know first was to begin doing missionary work and that and that missionary work opened my heart up to these experiences of Jesus in the poor and in fact it brought me at one point to the Bronx in New York City to work with the missionaries of charity Mother Teresa's sisters and it was at that moment during that summer that I met the Friars for the first time so I'm in Mass and all the sudden this like big burly guy with a huge beard and bare feet and kind of a dirty tattered habit walks in for mass and I'm like who the heck is that dude you know like I gotta find out who these guys are I can hang out with them and in that summer I got to know the brothers a little bit but then I went home back to Georgia and ironically left New York saying that was really awesome to visit New York but you can never pay me to live there I'm from Georgia and you know it was just something about the city like I prefer a lot more green in my life if I can have it and and so I went back home and I started discerning with the diocese and went to seminary for one year and during that year I just came to see that it wasn't work I was calling me and so after one year of seminary I decided to leave and it was a really hard decision you know I felt like I had a direction I was moving forward and then all of a sudden the brakes got hit you're you know running into a wall and so I went back home and I started sort of regrouping and thinking well what does this mean God what is it you really want maybe the priesthood was this whole like Abraham and Isaac you know you go up to the mountain and you're ready to like sacrifice it all and then he says whoa hold on I got a ram over there you know so I was thinking maybe that was it so I began to Cerny marriage and looked at that vocation and and was really convinced that yeah this was it this is what God wanted from my life and so I got to the end of college and was looking at graduate school at the University of Georgia I studied literature and there was a particular program I wanted to go into and there was like 250 300 applicants for it I applied and it was like 10 people out of all these applicants got accepted and I'm just like you know you're just like totally pumped and then of those 10 two people got a full freeride fellowship that was gonna carry over into their ph.d program like that would be so sweet if I got that and sure enough I get a letter like you're one of the two that got this meanwhile one of my great friends from high school calls me up and is like hey I'm going to grad school at UGA and looking for a roommate and I'm just like whoa Jesus this is your plan I know it and I'm like going full steam ahead so graduation for you know bas happening and I'm at the party talking to a friend and the friend listens to me say you know I'm gonna do this program I'm gonna study literature be a teacher it's gonna be awesome and then I'll have summers free and then I'll be able to go do missionary work down in Central America or South America I'll be able to build houses I'll be able to teach you know I can bring my family down there'd be really awesome and my friend turns to me after I've said all this you know and told the whole plan and this miraculous door is opening up with school etc and she says you know why don't you forget about graduate school and just go be a missionary and I'm like like are you crazy did you just I hear be like go be a missionary she and she said something really profound she said you know when you're talking about literature yeah you're really excited and you were into it but when you started talking about being a missionary there was a fire in your eyes that wasn't there when you're talking about literature and it just like I was like whatever you're just a crazy girl whatever and I walked away from the conversation thing and she's nuts you know like I'm just gonna keep doing the plan and yet I went to adoration at this Eucharistic Congress in Atlanta later on that summer and my heart was not at peace and so I'm wrestling and I said you know all right Jesus like what's the deal like just tell me what you want right like does it have to be so hard to figure out your will really and I'm kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament crying out saying tell me you know and I hear just so clearly the Lord just speak to me and say you don't know my will because you will not listen and that turned into a moment of me putting on my like Catholic merit badge sash you know like the Boy Scouts I'm like don't listen what you know and I'm like listen I go to Mass every day I pray the rosary I'm a youth minister I do liturgy the hours I read the Bible I'm a super Catholic you know and so I'm like telling Jesus like Jesus hello like bless the sacrament that can telling him how awesome I am it's totally ridiculous but there I am doing it and he says yeah you do all that you ask me what I want but you will not sit in the silence and wait for my answer and just hear just like yeah I got nothing I'm done I'm done and and I just went and spoke to my spiritual director he says yeah it sounds like a word I'm like yeah I think so and so I just started going to adoration and was spending weeks in a row of going frequently during the week know rosary I love the Rosary but I just went in with nothing no Bible nothing just sitting me Jesus I'm here what do you want to say and in that silence you know this word came that was a again after a few weeks for me this word was just clear and he just said you know if you continue on the path you're on I'll bless it and I'll be with you but if you don't I have something better and at that moment I thought you know I love better so what's that God and and it was just crickets silence nothing and so as I'm sitting there waiting for him to tell me more he's sitting there silent waiting for me to trust and I went and I talked to my spiritual director and he's like you know pray with it and if it's still there you know it seems like this might be God and and I prayed with it and I knew this was Jesus I just knew it and I did the craziest thing I could have done I called up UGA two weeks before the program started and said I'm not coming I didn't know what I was gonna do I just said I'm not coming I'm dropping out called my buddy sorry man you have to find another roommate and you would think that at this moment would be like the glorious you know fireworks of like angelic you know crowds like singing in it like oh you know now you know as well but no like it led to five months of real deep struggle because I let go of that thing that my heart loved but I didn't receive anything at that moment and I was just thinking that I make a mistake what's going on and I remember leading up to Christmas that that fall saying you know I can't take this anymore and I just said Jesus all right Christmas you know what I'm giving you a gift I was like and it's a total blank check you can write anything you want I just asked you for one gift and that has given me the light to know your will and Christmas came and my parents got me this book about Mother Teresa's life and I open it up and I open it up and it was a book come be my light and I opened the book up and all I did was look at the index owner and I just started crying and I just heard the word priest and I'm like what is it like Jesus whatever you want and then literally that afternoon I got a call from a friend saying you know hey we're going on a silent retreat for three days and somebody dropped out do you want to come like yes please I need some I need some time to pray what is going on and I went into that silence for three days at a monastery with some Trappist and and during that silence I found all of these desires I found all these things that were in there but I discovered and Alice I discovered God revealed to me that the deepest desire in my heart is to live for him that the deepest desire in my heart is to be near the poor the deepest desire my heart is to share his love with others directly and I was like all right Jesus let's do it and I got back in touch with the Friars came up to New York visited I felt like home and I was like all right I'm in sign me up you know and within eight once I was entering postulate C in 2008 it was crazy but the thing was is it in the midst of all the confusion in the midst of the struggle to know God's will the call the vocation was a gift from the father to me and the gift was he showed me what my heart really longed for in the depths amidst all the other desires that were there what was that deepest desire and he wants to show you what the deepest desire in your heart is but we need to be willing to step into the kind of maybe intimidating maybe uncomfortable space of silence in order to allow him to reveal that truth to us because when you know what that deepest desire is your you are gonna have joy like you're not even gonna be gonna be bouncing off the walls just saying it's pretty awesome when you start walking in the purpose the plan the vocation the father has for you as is Bob Mackie it's listening to that you I feel like what that that girl did to you at that graduation party you just did to me it's like that's like that's like that's like you went for it you went for right I don't know if any of you were feeling like that okay not messing around a lot a lot to chew on a lot to wrestle with maybe maybe the next best step is to watch the video again and like keep choking on cuz it's like there was just so much there we'd hate to reduce it to one point but let's let whatever the Lord has been speaking to you through through brother Malachy at this point let's give him the opportunity to let it grow and to go deep stop messing around you know give to the Lord maybe that blank check oh good stuff good stuff all right we are pilgrims so most peregrinos poke poke poke oh my god see you again next week bye LSU

Channel: Ascension Presents

Views: 46,889

Rating: 4.9788508 out of 5

Keywords: Missionaries of charity, full scholarship, university of georgia free ride, university of georgia literature degree, Brother Malachy, Father Mark-Mary, Franciscan Friars of the renewal videos, friar YouTube videos, finding God’s will, what is God’s will in my life?, stop messing around, blank check for God, discerning God’s will, Catholic discernment, does God want me to be a priest?, discerning marriage, Catholic young adults, Ascension Media, CFRs on Ascension Presents

Id: LhlC23riOEM

Length: 10min 56sec (656 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 25 2019