Life to Afterlife DEATH and BACK 2

imagine for a moment that there's a species living a life free of pain and suffering free of evil free of ever getting old or tired imagine their life of always being loved how wonderful would that be now what if the people of this place have no idea of how wonderful they actually have it how could they gauge how good their existence really is remember they have no reference point from where they are is there such a place to teach them about the difference yes it's called earth earth has good and evil light and dark it certainly would be one way to learn about how good they actually have it ah comes the desire to go there and see it for themselves that would take a pretty brave soul to volunteer to live in that visceral place now besides just being curious why else would they want to go to a place like that they would need a better reason other than just curiosity oh the main reason they go there there are great lessons to be learned from this uncomfortable nature of this planet now intrigue they ask would they be able to come back home after they've visited this place yes they'd be able to come back unscathed but there's a catch you will have no memory of where you're from join me while i sit down with another four brave souls that have died but came back to talk about it [Music] i was an exchange student at montana state university i was escaping my family my sister had vanished when i was 14 she'd run away but my mom had had a long time breakdown the family was in disarray and so i escaped to bozeman montana come spring break i didn't want to go back to boston again so i started hunting up something to do i went to the outdoor club where i was a member and i found outside the door on the bulletin board a poster that said partner needed eight day snow caving one day ice climbing i took a tab and called the guy tim tim and i met a few times before we went we had complimentary skills i was in the national ski patrol i'd been a boy scout winter camping since i was 12 years old until i was 18. i'd done a lot of backpacking tim was a certified lead climber on rock and ice he'd done a lot of winter camping too we went snow caving for eight days out in british columbia and then we came back and we crossed over into banff provincial park in alberta for a one-day ice climb along the saskatchewan river on the canadian icefields parkway this climb was a famous climb world famous we were the last team on the ice that day and i had made a mistake and tim and i agreed that we could get away with this mistake but it turned out we couldn't i was climbing with an ice axe and one hand and an ice hammer in the other hand and it wasn't a good choice you need two ice axes to make this kind of climb but it's possible with the hammer i know because i did it but the problem is you can't rest with a hammer with ice axes you can plant them in the ice and suspend yourself and hang there and rest with your crampons kicked into the ice and your hands wide open off the handles suspended by straps but with a hammer you can't do that the temperature went down 30 degrees as we reached the top and we were in serious trouble within minutes because within minutes the wetness of our clothes because it's a wet sweaty sport began to freeze and we entered into the first stages of hypothermia hypothermia progressed through the night as we sat there and hauled up the rope it became a 300-foot knot that we had to untie in our haste i had to take off my gloves to untie the knot beginning frostbite my hypothermia tim's and my hypothermia began with violent shivers violent shivers and clattering jaw my jaw was clacking so fast i had no control over it my whole body was shaking and we discussed spending the night right there but we were sure we were gonna die because of our circumstance and so we decided if we were gonna die we were gonna press on and so we roped to each other in the dark and traversed to the first repel and we made the first repel and as we got to the bottom of that one the rope froze to the tree above the one to which it was attached we couldn't get it down our hypothermia advanced we lost cognitive function we became confused we were so cold our lips couldn't form words we began to fall in the knee deep snow after tim began to try to climb back up the rope again to free it from the tree 20 feet up the rope came loose and he came down into four feet of powder unhurt we traversed to the next repel and we came down that thing and we were off the ice on the granite this point in the night our hypothermia was far advanced we consumed all of our extra calories that we had we hadn't drunk any water in eight hours my hands were frozen my feet were blocks of ice and we were in serious trouble and my job was to yank the rope we discussed tim helping but if we took off our gloves to untie the rope i could drop the rope because my hands were frozen and tim might not be able to reach it anyway so my job pulled the rope and then hypothermia advanced and i got hot and and i mentioned i was on the national ski patrol it could be 50 degrees below zero on the mountain with the wind i know and knew something about frostbite and hypothermia i knew if i unzipped my coat because because people who are freezing to death they take their clothes off and you think how illogical you're freezing to death why would you because your brain's not working because the blood rushes from your extremities to your core and you feel like you're hot and i unzip my coat and tim told me don't unzip your coat and i said i'm unzipping my coat i'm hot and i just ignored him and i unzipped my coat and i accelerated my hypothermia and then i began to understand that i was not getting off this cliff i began to understand i was never going to get that rope free and i was going to die right where i stood and so i started to think about my family and i started to think about god and i looked at the incredible starry sky where the galaxy is visible and there's enough light in the galaxy band to illuminate the earth and a piece settled over me [Music] and i said a prayer for my family and for myself and for tim and and i began to fall asleep and falling asleep is the last and final stage and when i would fall asleep my knees would give out from underneath me and i'd collapse to the ledge and smack my helmeted head wake me up i stood up i repeated this i don't know how many times two three i don't know how many and the last time i stood up suddenly i had peripheral vision blackened like a spotlight on a stage beginning to fade to black and it closed rapidly and my circle around my eyes tunnel vision last actual final stage of hypothermia tunnel vision i did not lose consciousness and i thought why have i not lost consciousness why am i not asleep i see only darkness why do i feel like i'm not standing but i didn't fall and i was confused and suddenly where the mountain had been suddenly opened up into an incredible vast expanse of darkness and far far away the smallest pin prick of light appeared and it rushed toward me at incredible speed faster than the speed of light and it became larger and it communicated to me telepathically without language downloading into me i'm taking you and i thought no you're not and i resisted with all the might that i had dug inside myself all night long in the depths of my own will to live peter sets out on an ice caving and climbing trip in banff but peter makes a crucial mistake by bringing an ice hammer instead of two ice axes during their descent the temperature drops and they both fall into hypothermia they decide on forging ahead in the night instead of freezing to death now because of the delirium that's associated with hypothermia peter unfortunately takes his coat off peter begins to realize that he's going to die and begins to pray as peter's body begins to die he notices that his consciousness continues peter then enters into an expanse of darkness a voice tells him that he's being taken but peter refuses the expanse of darkness it sounds frightening but to those that have died actually find it comforting [Music] in 2016 my husband a man whom i thought was the answer to a lifetime of prayers had come home for lunch on a spring day in april 2016 and put a gun in his mouth and ended his life at her home and the last words uh which he sent me via a text where this is your fault and i wasn't home at the time and i we had had an argument and i i didn't know i really didn't understand what these words meant but that was that was his last message well for the next 29 months i had been out of my mind i don't know if you'd call it a nervous breakdown but i lost the ability to take care of myself i lost the ability to function i lost more than 40 pounds in a fairly short period of time i was living on liquid nutrition supplements because i couldn't even eat solid food and at one point i actually ended up living out of my car briefly because i just couldn't get comfortable anywhere i couldn't go back to the house kind souls had tried to take me in but it didn't work out mainly because i was having so many nightmares and then came september 2018 and i had been doing some yard work and i noticed some physical symptoms i was bleeding and that's when i went to the doctor and they diagnosed a cervical cancer in those 29 months i had been praying every night of my life god either heal me or let me die but i was miserable beyond what i could easily say and i struggled a lot with the idea of taking my own life because i just i couldn't see a way out my other prayer was spare me a life review i have been through this hellish nightmare once i beg of you god if you have any mercy do not ask me to ever see this again and then my third prayer was i had had to make a lot of very difficult decisions after my husband's death and i was tired of decisions i was tired of going to the mailbox i was tired of everything so i asked god please no more hard decisions i can't i can't face any more decisions because boy were there a lot of decisions to make so after this cervical biopsy resulted in such a catastrophic blood loss i was in that white tiled shower and standing there and i'm watching the blood pour out of my body and just go down the center drain of the shower and i remember thinking very clearly this is what i've been praying for i asked god to heal me or let me go i'm out and i was relieved and i thought to myself you know you can just sit down on this shower floor now and it won't be long you'll be gone soon and i thought about the two people keeping me alive and keeping me fed and helping me become part of society again they had given me they had showered me with so much love and care and i thought i can't do that to them that they come into this bedroom and into my bathroom to see how i'm doing and find me splayed on the floor bled to death so i made a conscious choice it's frankly a hard decision to not sit down on that shower floor but physically push off that wall get the energy to step out of that shower walk into the living room and say to my friends call 911 i was very frightened and i knew i had lost a catastrophic amount of blood but i grabbed that nurse's hand and i said promise me you're not going to let me die and she was very soothing and very motherly and very tender and she said oh honey we have so many solutions for this i promise we're not going to let you die so they gave me a shot for pain they gave me some dilaudid and i don't think it was 60 seconds that i lost consciousness my friend milton who was the person who'd been taking care of me for 29 months he stayed in the room and the nurse and the doctor left well they left me hooked up to a pulse ox machine that measures the oxygen i guess in your body something they put on your finger and they left me hooked up to a blood pressure machine [Music] so milton was watching that blood pressure machine and suddenly it started going down down down and he looked over at it and my blood pressure was 32 over 25 at one point and he said your eyes had been closed but then when it hit that number your eyes popped open you tried to sit up on the gurney you reached up to heaven talked to somebody only you could see and he said and then you plop back down and then the blood pressure went to error and i'm pretty sure that's when i left that's when i went to heaven rose's husband sends her a text and tells her that it's her fault and ends his life she then declines into a depression and is later diagnosed with cervical cancer she makes an ultimatum with god to either heal her or take her now bleeding to death rose considers her love towards her two kind friends and makes the choice to live a nurse then promises rose that they will not let her die rosa's friend notices her blood pressure drop and watches her sit up and talk to someone that's not in the room was she reacting to a dream or was she seeing someone in that hospital room and it took me like i was nothing and i was enveloped in this intellect this comforter this wholeness that carried me like a like a like embracing arms of an angel but more like a bubble of intellect in which i was contained and i was rushed out of myself up the tunnel but the tunnel was the entire darkness compressed and everything i say everything i say is metaphor and everything i say is paradox because there's no language on the other side but i can tell you this first off i was comforted i was no longer in pain and i was not scared and i was carried up this tunnel out this tunnel between dimensions and i popped into did i pop into or did this angel become the entire expanse of i don't really know for sure of this infinite darkness that was illuminated an illuminated infinite eternal darkness that i could see deeply into but not the end or beginning of and it was all around me and i was immersed in this and i was like a singular consciousness without form without molecules no quarks no cells no proteins no hair no eyes no no nothing no thinkness i was no thingness and i was a singular consciousness where all of my former senses were integrated into the actual consciousness of myself and without a brain in my way of thinking i was smarter than i'd ever been and i thought to myself this is me this is me how did i how did i forget that this is me that wasn't me this is me and i was in comfort and i could see in every direction at once as if i had a singular eye as if i was a singular eye that could see in every direction at once and my thinking was my seeing was my beingness and i tell this in a sequence a chronological story but it was timelessness all time future past and present all at once and more than that not just our timeline all timelines in all universes across all dimensions existing in a single paradoxical place of oneness of being and i saw a shimmer a sheen a flow a translucent transparent solid opening flowing and through this doorway this opening this portal another tunnel arcing far far far into the distance of the darkness of the illumination itself and i reached because i desired it and i reached with my consciousness and i touched this flow this shimmering translucent transparent solid flow and as i touched it it was all life it was the all and all it was all living was all that makes all exist all love all beauty all wisdom all intellect all knowledge and it flowed into me and in the flowing into me i heard my name called but it wasn't peter it was the name of the creation of my soul unspeakable i saw the self-creation of my soul the separation into limitedness from unlimitedness as if i was a singular photon superpositioned part of the unlimitedness and yet limited both wave and particle at the same time and i saw the elongation everlasting essence of the of the whole time of my soul in timelessness and all the lives i had lived but i can't see them now and they seem to be to live believed by me simultaneously because i was in timelessness and i can't even tell you what world they were in but i also then knew that i was known i knew that i was fully and utterly known by the knower and nothing about me was unknown and i went into my life review i went through the hell that i had created for everyone in my life all the hell i gave away all the suffering i gave to people all the pain i caused others with intention and without intention was mine it turns out my karma was 10 thousand times worse than i had ever imagined it to be because i was carrying all all the pain i gave away i gave to myself and it was magnified ten thousand times a metaphor number and i went through the experience from every single person's point of view i felt the pain that i gave them and i felt my justifications i saw my reasoning i understood why i did it and i was ashamed and guilty i declared myself guilty [Music] and the voice capital v capital t the voice spoke inside of me and was the entire unity of all the illuminated darkness that i could see and it was completely next to me but it was also inside of me but i couldn't see it i could see everything but i couldn't see the origin of the voice itself and it says i love you i made you you're my beloved i know you i forgive you i've always loved you and i then saw that all of the love that i had ever given away in my life was my treasure to keep and all the love that had been given to me was my treasure to keep and the love had more value than all of the pain that i had caused and i saw that every human being had an equality of suffering in the world that we caused to each other and none is greater or lesser than the other because of the comparative of the limited to the unlimited to perfection to imperfection to purity to impurity it wasn't my fault that i was a created being living in the universe causing suffering that is the nature of a universe that consumes itself from black holes sucking down entire galaxies to microbes consuming proteins everything in the universe consumes and that's the way it is and i was not at fault for that and i was unshackled and unburdened through a divine fire of purgative love of all of the burdens i ever carried all of the things that i had caused and when i was forgiven the love that i had carried with me enabled me to turn my face to the face of love metaphor again and i was in filled with a unit of oneness of being i was in filled with this combination of things we subdivide here goodness truth knowledge intellect understanding beauty bliss paradise awe adoration all these things knowledge all of them were infilled into me to the limit of the capacity of my limited soul self the true me and one more drop of this oneness of being this unitive state and i would have obliterated back in to fold it back into the unity itself and it's what i wanted peter was enveloped in an intellect and carried away he noticed all of his pain was gone and he was comforted he then was taken to an illuminated darkness where he seemed to somehow regain on infinite knowledge peter was then overwhelmed with the feeling of oneness with the universe peter then realized that this was the real hymn peter then entered into another realm and is called not by peter but by his creation name he is now aware of all the lies he lived simultaneously he then went into a specific life review of all the hell he caused others he then declared himself guilty but then the voice forgave him and showed him all the love that he gave to others he was then shown the suffering in the world that we humans encounter on earth he understood the nature of evolution of earth through the lens of oneness is this the real us or is the real us something we've forgotten about during the amnesia part of incarnation [Music] but i woke up at the moment of my death and i woke up being catapulted out of my body it was it seemed that there was like a cord a powerful sinewy tough cord from the crown of my head to the heel of my feet and somebody had pulled back on this cord like an archer's bow and had released and i went flying out of that body and it was right up to the cusp of being jarring but not quite and the first words out of my mouth and this new experience were my heart is stopped and then i thought well how do i know that and i realized i don't know how i know but i know that's right and then my next thought is wow i'm dying and then i realized actually you're not dying you're dead and i thought it was pretty funny and i i started laughing i started laughing out loud and i heard myself giggle and it was my giggle it was my typical rosemary unique giggle and i thought to myself i don't think i have lungs and i don't think i have vocal cords i know i don't have breath sounds so how am i producing these sounds because i believed myself to be talking out loud as well and i remember thinking all my life as a writer as a person who overthinks everything who's naturally creative i suppose i'd always wondered how i would die and i remembered thinking my whole life i wondered what would take me out and now it's a simple medical mistake it seemed rather humorous to me that something so simple would be how i ended and i thought well you know one less thing to worry about it's over and it really was a relief it was a unspeakable relief i remembered what i was leaving behind an examination by an oncologist a few days prior he determined that it was stage two cancer this was before the biopsy and the cancer had advanced to a point where the flesh was distorted so there was no doubt as to what was going on and i had started with a gynecologist after the determination of cancer i'd been taken to or i'd been sent to a gynecological oncologist so there was no doubt about what was going on i was scheduled to begin chemotherapy and radiation i think it was about 10 days after this this medical procedure i remembered what i was leaving behind and i was grateful to be out of it so grateful i remembered what my husband had done i remember the last words that he had put out into the world sent me via text said this is your fault i remembered all of it and i was so grateful it was over so grateful and i even thought about the fact i didn't have a life review and i thought wow god heard those prayers god heard those prayers that i would be spared seeing the horror of those previous 29 months again my overwhelming sense through this was gratitude gratitude that it was over gratitude that i had not succumbed to the temptation to end my own life even in the darkest pits of my despair and yet i was going home and that was the feeling i was just going home i had been away from home for so long and i was floating through this blackness several people have asked me did you see your body i did not i was in this perfect blackness that was enveloping me it was actively comforting me and i had been terrified of the dark ever since my husband had ended his life and i thought i'm frightened of the dark and yet i love this this feels great and i remember thinking i like floating floating is fun this is a lot of fun and i thought i later realized after this experience ended that's not very good pros as a lifelong writer you should be talking better than that and that's one of the reasons i know i had no intention of returning to earth i would have left myself with better notes to write down early in this experience while i'm still floating in this blackness i am joined by a massive spiritual being and i mean massive and i am floating and yet the spiritual being is to my left and slightly behind me and very very tall and i turn my head to the left and look up slightly even though i'm in blackness i can't see anything and i say because i'm having a good time i say and who are you literally with a lilt in my voice and the answer before i could even form the words was immediate powerful and as a lifelong wordsmith i can tell you these were more than words it came with an understanding it came with a deep awareness an infusion of knowledge and the words were you rosemary you're the image and likeness i'm the original and i remember thinking that would have been something good to know about on earth but it's it's an amazing piece of knowledge to have even now and it was so comforting and so beautiful and this floating in the blackness went on for some time [Music] well one of the things that occurred in this blackness was i realized i've been here before like in this earth experience in this 59 years of my life i've been in this place before and again my answer came immediately and the answer was when your mother told you as an infant that you nearly succumbed to a fatal illness but at the last minute it turned around she said you didn't nearly succumb you actually died as an infant when you were three weeks old from the blood poisoning that had come from the staph infection you contracted and that helped too because my whole life i've experienced feeling the presence of angels i've experienced that i've been that person who knows when somebody dies because they come to say goodbye and that has been those can be very isolating life events when you realize not everybody is seeing and hearing angels which i kind of assumed everyone could see them but they don't so that was also very affirming to know that where that experience came from rose is catapulted out of her body at incredible speed she felt a cord that somehow kept herself connected to her body she then felt her heart stop and realized that she was dead rose found it funny that she could produce a voice with no voice box she was relieved at leaving behind that cancerous body she was also spared a life review she was pleased at the thought of going home and rose was always terrified of the dark but found herself loving this blackness then a profound voice called out to her and said you are the image and likeness of the creator now i have found of the people that have experienced death and back have no problem leaving their life on earth it's as though they are no longer [Music] attached and i said am i dead and the voice said yes you're dead and i said i can't die yet now that i've seen your love now that i understand your bliss and beauty now that i know that this is who i am i can't die yet and the voice said why not and i said because of my parents my sister vanished my my mother was suffering and and i was swept like picked up and swept across heaven to the edge of the creation of the universe where the dimension of the world begins and i was in heaven enveloped in and next to the voice who spoke to me and said in the way that i love you now you now know i have always loved you with an infinity of love beyond human capacity for understanding beyond my ability of my brain to know i am the oneness of love it said and you are my beloved being and every single of the seven billion human beings you see now and i could see every seven billion people individually all of them all like a hologram on the earth doing everything they were doing in the moment of the time of the universe when i was looking and they were all covered by a veil and the veil was forgetfulness the veil was the universe itself part and parcel of the entire structure of all things including the human brain and perception of the world in which they live and all are blind to me but you know now you are not blind to me here and none will be lost to me none are ever lost to me because each is my beloved in the way that i love you in this particular way of my creating you i know you i love you i love each the same and because of my eternal nature of love was is and will be your parents will be fine when they die and they'll be here in the wink of an eye and i knew that the length of my life of peter the peterness was the wink of my eye that fast it was time and i knew my parents would be here that fast in the presence of heaven but i also saw was shown the duration of their life without me and the suffering that they would endure of the loss of their son the loss of their daughter and all the complications i am not telling today that caused them to live a life of grief without me have brokenness and i said i can't do that and i saw also the life they would live with me and i said if i can come back here to you to the oneness of being to be enveloped in an adoration of you may i go back so that they don't suffer this fate and god says i want you here it's your time come to me i say i've got another commitment i'm in a theater company we're leaving on a tour i made a promise not to be heard on this trip it's a 10-week tour no understudies and god said it's time for you to come home and i said but i haven't gone to the door yet [Music] do i have to and god said no you don't have to i say well then if i can come back here god says yes i say then i choose to live my life and their voice says to me you won't live your life and sends me back and i'm presented with a million openings there there's a there's a channel that leads back into my body and i can see this channel back into my life but it has a million points of entry each one of them a probability of probabilities of lives and fates to be lived i could be close and centered in the white light of being itself and the totality of it or i can be outside of it far to the edge as far away as possible i choose not the exact light itself but as close to the light as i can to think that i might remain with some agency some autonomy and i am thrust into this opening and the next thing i know i'm being crushed down like a like a car or a truck and a compactor i'm being crushed painfully and reduced and screwed back into my body again and the first sensation i have inside my body is utter pain and i had been in utter healing and utter not suffering the forgetfulness of all suffering the forgetfulness of all pain ended for me and became living in the world of suffering again and as i swam to consciousness as my brain came back online as my body started to feel this pain as my my senses started to work again i was bathed in suffering my re-entry into the world of pain and my body was being jostled only i didn't know what to call it because i had no language i didn't understand breathing or this pain i was feeling and as time went on i swam to consciousness and my my ears opened i could hear sound but no understanding and then my brain came back and i understood language and there was a voice screaming a man's voice screaming and as i came back to myself he was screaming and pulling and lifting and hauling me saying you were dead you were dead you were dead if you died i was gonna die and he was screaming i was befuddled i was in another world i was completely unaware of how and what the world was i didn't understand who this was or where i was or what i was or what the world was and time passed and slowly i began by to understand where i was and who this body was and that i was inhabiting and now i knew i inhabited my body now i knew i was my consciousness i had not forgotten who i was completely i remembered parts and pieces of my experience but more important than the remembrance of it was the living of it in me i was a new being living in an old body peter began to reason with the voice that he couldn't die right now he then remembered the veil of forgetfulness that covers the earth but wanted the opportunity to go back with this regained knowledge peter's told that his parents will be fine and they'll be with you in the wink of an eye peter is then shown two futures one with peter and one without the voice told him that this was the time to go to heaven a peter pleaded with the voice to send him back to earth the voice tells peter that he will be very different from the peter from before and sends him back to earth before he knew it he was being crushed back into his body and on earth it wasn't long before the pain of being human struck him peter had trouble understanding what it was like to be human again how odd is it that peter could be completely different but yet in the same body that brings up a question is our persona the real us or are we assigned a persona that best fits each life one of the things that happened at the moment that i woke up literally floating further further away from my body i felt supercharged i felt like they say the average human uses six or seven percent of their brain and i was certainly not using my brain at this point but i felt like i had a hundred percent of my intellectual prowess online i felt like my ability to think to reason to see was literally supercharged i've compared it to trying to put a hundred thousand amps through a 60 amp box it was overwhelming but now i didn't have the limitations of a human brain now it was just it was just full-on and these communications were primarily telepathic i would say a few words and then i would get the answer immediately in in thoughts and feelings and awareness so i i had had a a wonderful mother and i had known the love the unconditional love of a good mother and in this heavenly experience i didn't think about the love but i thought about the peace it was the most perfect piece any human could even imagine multiplied by a billion and that's not enough as a writer i've always been anxious nervous neurotic concerned overthinking everything and i have not known a lot of peace and in this experience i realized i always wondered what i would look like if you took away all those fears and worries and woes and anxieties and i thought this is it this is wonderful [Music] this is still a puzzlement to me but i don't remember the transition it's like somebody took my batteries out but the next thing i knew i was no longer floating i was in a beautiful white bright white room and i was now walking or perambulating and i remember that word perambulating came to thought because i didn't pay attention to see if i had a body but i knew i was on two legs and i knew i had a head and i knew i had a pair of arms and in this white room i was surrounded by this beautiful white tiny tiny droplets it was like a fog but it wasn't a fog it wasn't warm it wasn't cold it wasn't damp it wasn't dry it was perfect and this white room didn't have lights the lights came from within the walls and the floor and the ceiling but it was the most intense perfect white light it was luminescent iridescent white white white and i was on my feet and as i walked this white mist swirled all around me and i wanted to i tried to focus on an individual droplet and i know that sounds hard to imagine but i felt like i should be able to see even though this was as tiny as as vapor and a fog i thought i should be able to see those droplets and the spiritual being that was with me said your eyes haven't acclimated to this place yet and you can't focus on it but what you're seeing are tiny droplets of light and they're surrounding you and blessing you and healing you and they said regardless of whether you go to heaven or whether you return to earth you're here for healing because you have been in so much pain and this is how we heal and if you decided to go on to heaven you would still need to be healed everyone who goes into heaven they can't go with a disease process imprinted on their consciousness or thinking that some mental illness is part of their identity so we all pass through the white room for healing as my friend said and i thought it was a beautiful analogy she said leave your muddy boots at the door and i thought that was very well put so in this white room at the far end of it i saw a door i knew what that door was i knew that that was the point of no return and i had not a thought of returning so i decided to move with intention because i remember thinking i don't have a brain and a brain stem and spinal cord and nerves [Music] but i think if i move forward with intention i can get to that door and i began moving and i still don't know i called perambulating i still don't really know the mechanism by which i move but i was advancing toward the door and as i did these white this this fog was dancing around me i can't describe it better than that it was swirling around me it's like every tiny droplet had life had the whole of life and it was all moving all around me and it was um it was uh an incredible experience and what's interesting in all my reading about ndes i'd never read about a white room i had had a different nde from what i'd read about my whole life and i thought this is pretty interesting but i made it to the door and i was thrilled i was going to go through that door and i didn't have any thought of going back some people have said to me didn't you want to go back to earth and i said no not at all nothing in me wanted to go back to earth and as i got close to that door i paused and i said is this the divine will for my life that a simple medical procedure kills me is this is this what god wants that was my thought and i got to is this the divine and the answer came immediately i never even got out the rest of the words the answer was no it's not but whatever you decide whether you decide to go on or return to earth whatever you decide you go with all of god's blessings and mercy and grace and love and care there are no wrong decisions and that meant so much to me because that was my third prayer that i could no longer tolerate these difficult decisions i've been forced to make after my husband's suicide and to know that my prayers of petition were heard on such an intimate level that god was saying there is not a wrong decision here and it wasn't even saying a bad decision but a wrong decision so i thought i'll take that deal and i was very grateful that i knew that i was going home that i had done my time i've i honestly felt more like somebody who'd been granted early release for good behavior and i mean that sincerely it has been it has not been an easy life so i raised my right hand up to push through this door i really thought that door should be open i was a little annoyed that it was shut and i was pretty interested by the fact that as i did this i was raising my right hand right-handed on earth right-handed in heaven apparently and as i did that i had a vision of that nurse who had held my hand and promised me she wasn't going to let me die i had a vision of her sitting alone in a hospital supply room on a metal stool leaning forward with her head and her hands sobbing uncontrollably and in this vision this was a very intense vision i heard her say through the sobs i promised that woman i wasn't going to let her die and i lost her and i looked at that and i thought oh man that that's bad and then i did think i'm sorry but i need to go i am done i need to leave this place because i know what i'm going back to and then then i didn't just see the nurse i felt her pain i was the nurse for a moment and that pain the only way to describe it is it's like the pain hit me squarely in the chest of what she was feeling that agonal grief which i knew all too well having suffered through that after my husband's death and that's when i realized if i could spare that nurse that level of suffering and regret and guilt and self-recrimination and every other negative emotion i could not do this to her and it was a very it was a little bit fixing because i wanted to go but i put my right hand back down to my side and slightly disappointed i said this is going to ruin that nurse's day if i die rose notices a supercharged intellectual prowess about her she could ask a question and immediately get the answer she no longer had any fears or woes she then appeared in a white room and was surrounded by a luminescing swirling of light she refers to this white room as that of like a healing chamber rose believes that everyone that transitions goes through this type of healing process she then notices the point of no return to her in this white room she wanted to go through that door and not return back to her body but then she paused before going through to home she suddenly had a vision of this nurse that assured rose that she would not let her die rose felt the pain of this nurse as though she was the nurse she thought that if she could spare that nurse the guilt and pain it would be well worth it for her to go back to earth the earth's experience prevents us from truly feeling another's pain it is when we are joined back to source that we can fully understand another's pain [Music] and after time passed i pulled the rope at tim's command and it came free on the first pull and i handed it to him and i untied it from my bitter end in harness and we descended and it wasn't far 70 yards across the icefields parkway to the parking lot to the car where we got our tented guy convinced tim we can't just get in the car and fire up the heater we have to warm our bodies up slowly hypothermia demands that so we popped up the tent and we fired up the stove inside the tent i know that sounds like a no-no but it had a vent and a chimney in this tent and so the space was ventilated and we climbed inside our sleeping bags naked and we warmed up water and we drank warm water and drank more warm water and drank more warm water and ate until our bodies were warm enough and we got in the car but now i was a new being i was born again and i couldn't even tell tim about it i couldn't tell anybody about it because i had no language for it there was this roaring inside of me that eliminated all thought my entire interior was this radiance of this understanding of this nature of myself that transcended this world and the world i was in was crude and broken and limited and ugly to me and eating we stopped for pizza and eating was this i have to consume this to to make this machine work machinate and swallow my frostbite time on the mountain left me with residual problems i have residual frostbite i have my fingers all the skin and my fingers crack all winter long the very tips of my fingers as soon as the temperature hits 50 degrees even if it's 60 and blowing the wind i have to wear gloves i can't feel the bottom of my big toe of my right foot i it messed up my internal temperature i'm i'm i run crazily hot i run crazily cold i wear a scarf across my face because the tip of my nose and my cheekbones and my earlobes and my chin they all froze i have them all but only by the grace of god [Music] this is not me and i know i am not myself and that might be the hardest after effect of all those of us in the nde community who know that we are in the world and not of it [Music] we live as avatars here with a perception of reality that tells us every moment to moment that we are strangers in a strange land that most of our soul remains on the other side and yet we suffer grief and love and hunger and anger and joy and all the human emotions all the human experience as long as we're living peter and tim finally make it back to the car but they decide to warm up in the tent slowly finally they warm back up and escape in the car peter felt as though he was reborn different than before but unfortunately he couldn't speak about it he then noticed how crude and ugly the earth is peter felt as though he was a stranger in a strange land now most of the people that have experienced death and back come to earth with after effects these after effects give them new abilities they could become psychic lack the need of materialism and they often struggle with relationships they see life from a much different perspective and in a split second actually i defined it as a millisecond i was back in my body on that gurney with lots and lots of activity happening all around me a nurse i don't know that it was the same nurse but back on that gurney in that little er the nurse was in my face and she said what year is it and i said 2018 and she said what is your name and i said rosemary and she said where are you and i said a crummy excuse for an er several people have asked what was your first emotion when you realized you were back and i said my first emotion was disappointment very much so and i felt like i felt like i should raise an objection under robert's rules of order i mean we we'd had this discussion but it hadn't been voted on so i was pretty miffed that uh here i was back people say sometimes when they come back from these things they feel like they're 50 in this world and 50 in that one i felt like i was 95 in that world and 5 in this one it was actually a little confusing and i also felt like i could close my eyes and say i'm not doing it i want to go back and i could have gone back but in that er they slung me on a gurney awfully quick very very quick i i suspect now they think they thought i would die again and then i was transported to a fairly large hospital i had been told at that door and i was told also upon my return that in agreeing to come back from heaven in agreeing to come back to earth that i would be healed and the healing was my soul you know we can heal a lot of things with the body but i believe it's only god that can heal our soul and that's what was healed in heaven and ultimately i went through many many medical tests and uh oh and you know they thought that there would be a lot of consequences from a 59 year old woman bleeding to death i found out the next morning at the hospital it was very affirming i'd actually bled out to a point that my heart went into v-fib and then i had a heart attack so we're gonna do a lot of tests and i told him that i said oh no no you don't need to do any tests the angels told me if i came back i'd be fine and they don't quite accept that with the same authority that i was accepting it and they did heart test and gosh an echocardiogram and a couple other things and uh again and again and again what i heard was you're a very lucky woman everything's fine and i said oh i know i knew it would be but the and ultimately it was confirmed that every vestige of the cancer was gone not a trace not any of it was left and while people love that part of the story and it's very important i didn't have to endure the chemo and the radiation it was all gone the real healing was the healing of my soul my peace had returned and i had been it was like a father who hears his child screaming in the bedroom and rushes in to awaken her from a nightmare it wasn't that i was better it's that i saw that i had been caught in this horrible nightmare and all the pain and the guilt from my husband's death and all the et cetera is involved and i've been shaken awake and i realized wow this isn't my story that i've been through this horrible thing and in hours i realized and i'm still in a hospital bed i was in a hospital bed on total bed rest for four days after this i realized within hours not only is it not your story it's not even his story he's also a child of god and that was boy that was so liberating it was transformative it changed everything while i was very tempted by suicide before this happened i recognized so clearly that we are here on a spiritual contract and i guess that's one of the big changes in me is i haven't had a single thought of suicide i still get sad i still cry i miss my husband i think about him a lot but i recognize that to end your own life violates a spiritual contract and it's just the whole temptation is gone i mean it's not even on the radar rose is back in her body and her first emotion is disappointment she felt disconnected with this world and still yet very much attached to the other world rose was told that she would be healed not only was she spiritually healed but she was also now cancer free her thoughts of suicide were also gone and she realized that she still had a remaining contract to fulfill in this life it felt to me as though she had made a decision that she regretted by choosing to come back to earth now earth is a difficult place but with difficulty comes enormous learning opportunities [Music] i took my second experimental aircraft out for a flight it was a historical reproduction of a 1933 flying fleet from france i guess you could characterize it as looking like a soapbox derby car with a couple of wings and a big motorcycle engine right in front of my face it was pretty whimsical looking like something out of a disney cartoon on the second pass around the airfield i lost my engine it absolutely came to a standstill i was able to get it restarted one more time but it quit again and because of the early design of the aircraft its aerodynamics weren't very clean so i came down really fast the only place i could conceive of as being a safe landing field because it was very hilly and forested was a lake at a nearby boy scout camp so i made my way there but i overshot the bank by about 10 feet and crashed headlong into all of these tree trunks again at 70 miles an hour in the equivalent of a soapbox derby car i would say that within the maybe 10 feet the plane took to come to a full stop uh the entire thing turned into matchsticks there was literally no aircraft left around me once i stopped crashing except the park behind me i was still seat belted too luckily there was a man nearby fishing because the park was closed at that time of year so he called 9-1-1 and rushed over to keep me propped up so that i could breathe and the reason for that is both lungs were ruptured all my ribs were broken i had multiple fractures in my right leg and a hole in my lower back from the engine battery braking listen hitting me he did keep me again propped up so i could gasp for air until the helicopter the medical evacuation helicopter and they were out able to pull me out of what was left of the aircraft and fly me to the hartford trauma center where a waiting team of surgeons took me right in uh put me into a breathing machine uh intubated me with a tube down my throat so i could breathe and i imagine i had a whole lot of other tubing coming in and going out of me a few hours later uh my family arrived and in in finding out what my situation was and what the prognosis was one thing they found out was that i had just escaped from the restraints i was in restraints to keep me from pulling tubing out in my delirium and so they had re-restrained me and were worried i might just be a handful and the reason that was a big concern was that i was going to need multiple six plus hour operations for the next week so with that they decided you know maybe we should put him into a medically induced coma family agreed and so that's what they did jim took his experimental plane out for flight he struggled in keeping the engine running and eventually crashed luckily a man that was in the area was able to help him jim suffered from a lot of injuries and struggled to breathe he was then evacked out of the site and immediately went into surgery the doctors they decided to induce jim into a coma so they could properly work on him [Music] i was in the kitchen with my daughter it was a day just like any other day and we were having smoothies and i have some food allergies but there wasn't anything that i had eaten that i could pinpoint that i would be allergic to and i had epipens in the house because i had shellfish allergies so we're just at doing our normal thing in the house we're talking and suddenly i start feeling a little bit short of breath and then i started feeling kind of anxious and i thought okay you know i've been a nurse forever so i kind of know what sorts of things to look for and and it just kept progressing and getting worse i was trying to breathe calm and sort out if it was some strange anxiety out of nowhere or what was going on with me and it was progressing to the point that i started having a little bit of trouble swallowing and i thought okay something's going on i'm having some kind of allergic reaction and i got my epipen out and i was debating whether to use it or not you know i thought this is i'd never used it before i've never had to use it and i just thought this is it i'm going to have to use this epipen and i gave myself the injection and my son had come in and i said you're going to have to take me to the hospital something's wrong i'm having an allergic reaction and i explained i'd taken my epipen i thought i was having some sort of anaphylactic reaction i needed to be seen and she said well why did you come here if you've already taken your epipen and then i again thought yeah i'm going to die today this person doesn't even know the basics of anaphylaxis so she takes me back to the emergency room and she says we don't have a bed available we've got a room we have a clean room but we don't have a bed and i said i don't need a bed just take me back and get me seen and she said no no we can't we can't put you in a room without a bed and and so she takes the wheelchair and she parks me in this hallway where i'm all by myself kind of off of the emergency room and and i'm just sitting there and i'm thinking gosh if i go down nobody could even see me and i've got my purse i'm sitting in this chair and i'm progressively starting to go back to where i was i'm having more trouble swallowing and i'm finding that the only way i can breathe is to look up so i'm i'm in this chair and i'm looking up and i'm sitting up super straight trying to get air into my lungs and it was just so much effort i'd never had that kind of effort to try and breathe and finally it got to the point where i was having strider so strider is this really high-pitched noise you make as your airway swelling shut and i thought this is it i'm gonna die here in this hall by myself and i took my second epipen thank god they make you buy them in two packs but i took the epipen out of my purse and i know you're not supposed to give your own medicine in the emergency room but it was pretty dire and i gave myself the second injection and it eased off a little bit and i probably sat there for maybe 10 more minutes and then the strider kicked in again and it was loud this time it was this really high pitched whistling kind of breathing one of the doctors in the er heard it and she poked her head around the corner and she's like oh my gosh we've got to get her into a room and that was it i just couldn't breathe anymore i pop out of my body and i'm kind of watching this scene from above and i don't really realize it's me like the person in the bed seemed familiar and i knew she was in trouble so i hear the code call and all the doctors come running in the there was a respiratory therapist that came running in and he had a bald spot on the crown of his head and i could see it from up over the room or over the bed and they all start working on me and working to get me intubated giving me different drugs things like that and then everything just went black so in that time they had called for a helicopter and induced a coma and life-flighted me out of there while all that's happening i somehow materialize in my sister's car i'm suddenly in the back seat not understanding how i got there and i knew she didn't know i was there and i knew something was wrong with me i couldn't i couldn't feel the seat against my legs i didn't seem to have my normal density um i just it was like i was kind of levitating in the back seat and so i didn't say anything i didn't want to scare her because i thought well if she can hear me this is going to freak her out while she's driving it's pouring rain and i'm trying to figure out where she's going it's dark you know why is she out driving around in this it's dangerous and i wondered if maybe something had happened to the kids or her husband and i started to feel worried about that and she pulls over pulls out her phone and i lean over the seat to look at her and she's wearing these clothes that are mismatched they're wrinkled and i'm thinking did she just pull those out of the laundry did she get dressed in the dark what is she wearing and she she pulls out her cell phone and she types in hang on kiddo i'm coming and that was it i was gone out of the car penny is having a reaction and now having trouble to breathe she decides to give herself an epipen shot in hopes to ease the reaction her son then rushes penny to the hospital she explains that she had given herself an epipen shot and for some reason the nurse parks penny in a hallway and disappears the reaction worsens penny gives herself a second shot then a nearby doctor hears penny struggling to breathe and rushes in to help her penny then pops out of her body and watches the staff rush in and begin to work on her benny then finds herself hovering in her sister's car still not yet understanding what is going on penny tries to figure out where her sister's driving to after seeing her sister text her penny leaves the car it's interesting that penny is not really aware that she is dead when they put me into a coma here that's when my near-death experience started and in contrast to many other near-death experiences where people report traveling through a tunnel or seeing deceased loved ones seeing a beautiful landscape maybe a life review and having a big message mine was very different first of all i would say i it's like i teleported to this different landscape and i would say i would characterize this very post-apocalyptic imagine a large city like new york or whatever large city you're familiar with about a thousand years after a nuclear blast or a meteor strike or something like that an absolutely dead and ruined city and just gray you know just gray and dead and above me were these huge storm clouds like they had the mother of all storms and they were just getting ready to cut loose and i just took it all in and i teleported it was like a terrace that was high up on a tall building so that i could just see the entire skyline before me after that um in taking it all in i realized i wasn't afraid i was just accepting of what i was seeing and one of the most unusual things was as i was looking around i was hit suddenly by a wave of nausea in my stomach and i just doubled over with pain and i said i don't think i can stand this and when i said that i heard the slight sound off to my left it was like this almost whispering or worrying of gears and as i looked to my left i saw what looked like a about a four-story 50-foot tall uh sculpture of an egg but it was made out of lattice work like bands of metal you could see through it you know a lot of open space but the movements inside were what were generating this sound i could hear so i again doubled over with pain i made my way over to the egg and i remember looking through the open latticework to what i was seeing inside moving and they were sector gears now sector gear is different from a normal gear when we think of a gear we think of a little wheel if you will with teeth all the way around it you see them in watches and all kinds of things but a sector gear is a partial section of that gear uh in and it's intended to move back and forth so there's a beginning a middle and an end to its movement and that's significant in its representation in my ndu anyway these were sort of freely suspended in space it's not like i could really see their anchor points they were idling if you will just slowly moving and idling there was no real purpose to their movement at the moment but as i i looked at them what was interesting was that some of them were very much in focus and some were out of focus and when i looked at them some would pass through each other like ghosts but anytime i really looked hard at them i could see a visual representation of what they meant and what i saw was myself as an older man i might see my younger children now with as being parents one day with their own children so i realized these were all events for my future and at one point i put my hand through the lattice work to see can i touch these things because again they appear ghost-like in and out of focus they were just very strange i just wanted to see what they felt like when i did that one of the gears brushed by my hand and when it did i was all of a sudden hit by another wave of nausea and reflexively i grabbed it pulled it out through the latticework and threw it away and when i did that all of the gears inside the egg started spinning around again and that's when i said what is this and a disembodied voice that stayed with me throughout the rest of the experience said this is the process of becoming this is the future birthing into the now and as i watched all the gears spin around i said um why do some of these gears you know cause pain and some not and it said all actions have unattended consequences and you can't know that they're right and wrong because those are variables over which you have no control and i said okay and it said you know better than having the answers of what comes tomorrow is the trust in the grand design that everything is exactly as it should be according to a pattern it's like okay fine and then i asked how did i know i could remove that what turned out to be an unfortunate future a bad future and i could explain that in a moment and i said why else are you here and i said i have no idea i don't even know what this place is and it said you're in the in between and i said in between what is it everything you're basically standing inside the impossible now uh the infinity of a single moment and i said that makes no sense whatsoever and you know just sort of continued to to puzzle some of the words that were spoken to me at the time but what it looked like i was there to do and the opportunity i was given was that unfortunate or let's say choices in my future that would be to my spiritual detriment those were the ones that would cause me pain when i touched them and i was being given the opportunity to remove them to basically stack the debt and clean up my future to remove impediments that you know would have presented maybe a temptation as an example i mean imagine one of these choices was uh you know to win the lottery and you know to be very wealthy but what if i became the biggest jerk in the world well you can imagine if i actually saw that as a choice i could probably get into an argument and say well i'd really like to have the money and i promise not to be a jerk but why don't we just cut to the chase and just show the pain that such a choice could bring and let that be the guide so that's how it went so over and over and over again after every recycling of this machine of destiny if you will um i would find another gear that caused me pain and i would remove it and then again it would recycle all around and at some point i looked around and saw this huge growing pile of gears and i said it looks like if i don't have a bad life i have no life at all the voice said your number of breaths are already counted i will worry about your last one i said i don't know how comforting that is and it said it's better to suffer the pain in this way then carry the pain of crushing weights of chains around you once you form those attachments and finally one of the most profound things that said to me when i said you know i feel bad that i have no moral compass to do this with it's just pain that's my guide it said for those who make poor use of choices offering fewer possibilities could be called mercy and again i think that was the most profound thing i've ever heard and at some point i said i'm starting to feel less pain now because i am cleaning up my future and the probabilities of all these painful choices are being removed from my life and it said your being here is an answer to a prayer and now the man who fell from the sky is not the same who flew into it and with that it pretty much booted me out now in a coma jim left his body and arrived in a dark post-apocalyptic landscape he didn't appear to be afraid and simply accepted what he was seeing he was hit with nausea he then notices a strange egg-shaped structure in this egg-shaped structure with sector gears turning back and forth looking closer jim could see visual representation of what each gear meant each gear represented the future event of his life the voice speaks to jim and tells him that he is witnessing the process of the future after more conversations with the voice jim learns that he is in the in between he then begins removing the gears that will cause him pain this is jim's opportunity to change his future after cleaning all of jim's future he was then booted out of this place some of the people that have died and came back mention a life review that shows them a probable future of yet to come [Music] when i materialize again i'm not in the world i'm in this dark place the darkest place you could ever imagine it i didn't know how big it was i didn't i knew i wasn't touching anything i'm kind of just suspended but there's pressure on me like i'm being held and i couldn't figure out what was pushing on me so i took my hand and i ran it down my arm and it didn't feel like the normal thickness kind of like i felt in the back seat and nothing was touching me and i really got anxious i thought okay if nothing's touching me why can't i move why am how am i held suspended in this place and it felt very alone you know just like nothing had ever existed and i'm just floating in this place and nobody knows where i am nobody's missing me i'm just lost somehow my daughter's standing back into my right and she's looking down at my physical body in the bed and i can see that she's scared and so i'm on the other side of this wall and just as a mom i kind of instinctively put my hands forward to grab her i wanted to hug her and i hit the wall and i couldn't i couldn't my hands didn't go through it and they stopped me and i just was enraged that here i was so close my daughter's right there and i can't do this most basic thing of grabbing her and hugging her and so i start beating the wall and i'm yelling and i'm just irate that i can't get on the other side of it and the darkness comes back and it just swallows me up and i'm asleep again so when i wake up i'm back in the original place where i started but i remembered the leaning forward part and i thought okay maybe it'll still work so i lean forward and i start moving and i'm just thrilled that that's going to work out and i go back to the left because i know that that's where the place was and i go over there i see the light the walls there but it's thinner this time and it's like maybe a foot and a half had come off this wall and it's almost like a bubble now and it's moving a lot and i thought wow that's that's a lot thinner i could see the scene in the room much more clearly and i i decided to try to touch the wall again and i touched it and my hands popped through i thought oh my goodness okay i guess i just go through you know so i go through the wall and i'm in the room and i'm kind of in the same position i was in the emergency room above myself and i see me laying down there in the bed and i thought okay what happens now do i like if i try to lay on me will i get soaked back in like a sponge and then will i be okay i wasn't sure what i needed to do from that point so i'm looking down at the me and the bed and i thought okay i need to make her move you know i need to try to wake her up or make her move so i'm looking down at her and and i'm thinking okay open your eyes open your eyes open your eyes and i'm focusing all my energy on her and she won't do it and i'm so frustrated because she won't cooperate she's just laying there obstinately being in a coma and uh i'm thinking okay maybe you're starting too big start small try try to get her to move her finger so i focus on the finger of her right hand the the little pinky finger and i'm looking at it and just all my energy you know trying to make her move this pinky finger and she won't do it and i'm like damn it why won't you move your finger do something you know show me you're there and i i couldn't figure it out i'm like how am i ever gonna get back in that body i have to get back in it or i'll never wake up and the more frustrated i got the more i could feel myself being pulled back towards the bubble and i'm trying to fight it and i end up on the other side why you know why are you doing this to me and i'm talking to god at this point and it was the first time it had ever occurred to me to talk to him which is strange because i was a believer in life but it just was a very confusing environment and i wasn't sure what was going on ever and i was like you know either kill me or stick me back in you know do something i can't live in this dark place like this forever and i just kind of heard this thought in my head that nobody was keeping me in this place this was the place that i had built [Music] and i was like what what does that mean and as soon as i realized as soon as i embraced this idea that i somehow had built this place this prison that i was in it started to crack and i grew up in michigan and in michigan when the spring thaw comes on the lake you can hear this cracking and it's deep and it starts kind of small but as it expands and these big cracks happen it's really loud it's an unusual thing to hear and it was kind of like that magnified times 10. and so i see it cracking up along the top and light is starting to come in and as soon as the light starts to come in it just explodes apart and all these pieces of it are flying and this huge spirit comes i mean she was huge she was magnificent it was like nothing i had ever seen before she was like adorned in light and she's right there with me and she has this energy about her that is incredible and she draws me to her without touching me and i'm i'm now against her chest and she's holding me and she puts her arms around me and this energy her energy is swirling around us kind of like a cyclone and these pieces of the dark are trying to get in and get back to me and whenever they hit her energy and hit her light they're cast off and they're gone they're not even floating around anymore they're just gone and i start crying and i'm just weeping i'm so i was so upset and so relieved you know here there's another person here or something i wasn't sure what it was and and i'm crying and crying and she's got her arm around me and she's patting me and she says calm yourself dear one and when she said it um it was like if you've ever had surgery and you felt them inject that medicine and you you can't fight it you know you just it just fills you up and you can almost feel it go through you and that's what it was like it was like her words broke apart and went through my veins or something and i was so calm and so i'm in her arms and i'm calm and and i start to look at her because she feels familiar and so i look at her and i i look at her face and she's got these brilliant green eyes and i'm thinking man i know her from somewhere who who is this i know her and i asked her i said am i dead and she says oh no no you're not dead there's no death she said you're either alive in your body or you're out of your body and you're super alive on the spirit side and she said you're kind of in between because your body's still alive but part of you's here and she said if you decide to stay that link will be separated but for now you're still tied to your body i i started you know again wondering how i was gonna get back in and and she said um you remember this you remember when you were a little girl you learned this energy isn't created or destroyed it just changes form and she said that's true here just like it's true on the earth that's god's law borrowed by man and i thought wow she's so smart this is crazy i love this person and i looked up and her hair was this orange red on her head and it looked like it was on fire it moved like flames do and as soon as i saw her hair i knew who she was and i'm like oh my gosh it's my grandmother and so it was my mom's mom who had died when i was nine or ten suddenly of cancer and i just kind of lost it i was like you're alive and she wasn't just alive she wasn't alive like you're alive or like i'm alive sitting here talking to you she was more alive than any living thing i'd ever been around she had this energy her energy made a sound there was a resonance to her she had a smell um i she knew my thoughts i knew her thoughts i i didn't even have to say anything she could hear my thoughts and she would answer a question as soon as it came in her there was no delay it would come and it would be in my head and it i didn't have to try to remember it or understand it it just imprinted on me as fact like you know your name you know i would know the answer to whatever i asked and i was so i was so dumbfounded that she was alive and i remember thinking oh my gosh you're alive and you know you're more than i even remember you being and it was so overwhelming and i remember i'd started to cry and it was like not just being overwhelmed it was like this deep grief and i cried and she let me cry and it was just racking sobs you know and i was thinking why am i so torn up you know what am i crying about and i thought i'm crying for everything that i had seen and everything that i had experienced that i couldn't change just kind of all the powerlessness that i'd felt at seeing suffering on earth and i was weeping for all of the people who thought that there was nothing you know that you just died and you just laid in a grave and that god had somehow made you this magical person and when you died you just didn't exist anymore and it broke my heart for people who believed that and i i just i was weeping for the suffering of people on earth and for the suffering i had experienced and it just broke my heart i'm like we're all connected to that i felt the suffering of every person and i i didn't know that i thought i was this person that was living in isolation and i wasn't i was connected to every other thing and i was i had worked myself so up that my grandmother was like okay calm yourself dear one and i kind of fell into that deep relaxation again and i was just floating in this light and i was there for a while and i didn't realize that she had left penny then appeared in a darkness and feels lost and alone she then appears in the hospital room and sees her daughter next to her body impulsively penny tries to hug her daughter but is struck with a strange barrier between them she then finds herself back in the darkness but this time learns that she can move herself around she then gets a second shot at reaching her daughter she pushes on through the wall and into the hospital room penny tries to connect with her body but fails out of anger she tells god either take her or return her back to her body she is then told that she is the one creating the prison after breaking up the prison she is greeted by a being of light the being of light surrounds her and casts away all of the darkness that's attached to penny after calming down penny notices that this is a familiar face benny asks if she is dead and she is told that there is no death she learns that the being is her grandmother and he is then overwhelmed with sadness all the suffering that she has witnessed on earth you see life here through the filters you want and there you see life through the filters you need and i think that the reason the in-between looked the way it did for me was to keep me focused on the mission if there had been um angelic beings or long-lost loved ones or or whatever i would have been distracted from doing what i was there to do and that was just focus on reaching in finding these gears that represented potential bad decisions in my future and removing them there was only even there where time essentially wasn't passing or passing very quickly there was only so much time in which to do it certainly before i had to get back to my body so i think that's why it was designed and honestly let's face it you know like they say you know a word to the wise and a two by four for the wicked i think i was getting the two by four if you go to a boot camp you know like you're in the military the whole idea is that it prepare you for what's coming next to survive what's coming next and that's usually war and while you're in boot camp you do not like it it is not comfortable you hate your instructor you want to kill them but after you come back from battle you'll probably fall on your knees before them and say thank you so much because of you i'm alive [Music] we could call them after effects or abilities or whatever you want to call it continue to flow through to me the less of our personalities that are in that channel if you will the more pure the flow and from what i've seen the flow knows where it needs to go it doesn't need to always be directed and and i find that very interesting as well but from that flow come you know like i said some of the crazy electronic anomalies we hear about light bulbs blowing computers acting up i i've had it all it's been i've had to replace my entire um air conditioning system and motors in the ductwork in my house microwaves computers phones i've had strange electronic communications one time it just started typing on its own to me and said thank you for being a kind and loving person i mean what do you do with that you know so this is the other thing the nde does for you many times it removes things like anger and you just through empathy see things through the other person's eyes and i realized that certainly in our case there were no good or bad people here just overwhelmed people and so we come here for the intensity just like people go to disney world you know to have some fun and have some intensity and it's interesting when people say man you know what's going on with you know the social unrest and coba and all these other things that are going on our world right now well think about it some movies are defined by the climax that's why the people go they love the story but man the climax really brings it all together it's really intense how do we know that we don't choose to be here for this time because we love that part of the story the climax and better than just reading it and watching it we get to be in it we get to be in this movie we get to participate we really get to juice the experience out of it more than any other way jim realizes why he's never introduced any angelic beings because he knew he wouldn't have been able to stay on course with the mission some may find these strange anomalies associated with returning back to life interesting but like jim said so eloquently seeing empathy through another's eyes is far more [Music] interesting [Music] all of a sudden i heard this sort of um gosh it was kind of like this thunderous boom and it didn't just stop it wasn't just a noise that stopped it was a noise that shook everything not everything in that place not everything in the earth everything that had ever been created everything that had ever lived and had died everything that was yet to live or die everything shook oh it gives me goosebumps still and uh and i knew that it was god god was coming [Music] and so he gets there and i'm in this light but he's this separate entity that is light and and i use the word he and i you know some people get all caught up in that it just was a very powerful energy and i think here we kind of naturally ascribe that to a masculine sort of thing there was no person there was no bearded old guy or anything like that it was just this bright and he says i am and i was just amazed i'm like oh my gosh i'm in the presence of god and immediately my brain went to oh my gosh i'm in the presence of god and i started thinking of everything i'd ever done wrong you know and i'm thinking i'm trying to bring up because i knew my grandma could read my thoughts and so i'm bringing up all the really good things i'm like you know he's going to hear this and maybe those are the things he'll go to because i had some things i was pretty proud of you know and um i i kind of had this idea that we were going to go through my life and and we did and so this scene pops up but it's it's almost like you're there but it's kind of you're like a spectator to it so so it's not like you're doing it and i'm seeing these things that are going to come up from my life and i'm thinking oh no you know don't let it be this thing or don't let it be that thing and and i was really worried and very anxious and and so this so god being just as wonderful as he is brings up something good and i had thought it would be some of the really good things i had thought of no he pulls this totally random one out i'm in this grocery store in this little town that we used to live in and there's a woman in the checkout lane in front of me and she's 72 cents short and she's rifling through her purse and she's trying to figure out what she's going to put back and i remember being so moved by that as a single mom because i've done it i've been at the grocery store and thought well you know david really likes macaroni and cheese and you know maybe maybe i'll put you know the mouthwash back or you know you're trying to sort out what thing do you absolutely have to have and i'm like hold on hold on i've got it you know so i'm fishing through my purse and and i hand her the money and it you could she was overwhelmed and she was embarrassed and and she's you know thank you thank you so much and i'm like it's okay you know i've been there it's okay and instead of just leaving it at that god's like let me show you and so he flashes to the scene and this woman is working in a food pantry and this other woman comes in and she's just you know she's the single mom with kids and she doesn't have enough food and here's this woman that i helped working in this food pantry you know she's like it's okay it's okay i'm gonna help you you know we've got it don't worry about it don't be embarrassed that's what we're here for and i saw this ripple effect of this 72 cents i mean how does it have that much meaning going forward it was just incredible and i had had no idea how much these small kindnesses rippled out you know they changed the world in these small but meaningful ways and then i thought okay well here here comes the bad stuff you know what is he going to bring up and it was interesting because i had this sort of sense of dread that he immediately calmed he's like that's not what we're here for [Music] i'm not here to condemn you i'm not here to make you feel bad you know i want to show you something here i am and there was this one person that i had a lot of animosity for that i worked with you know and she just to be honest she just wasn't a very good nurse you know she was kind of mean to her patients and but i had harbored all these really negative thoughts about this person that she was lazy and she was a bad nurse and you know i just had a lot of ire for her for some reason and he showed me that and he said now watch and i could see all of those thoughts leave my head and attach themselves to her and he's like you thought those things and i know you thought because you didn't say them you were doing all right but they attached themselves to her and now she's more like what you framed her to be and then he showed me her life and he showed me all the things that she had been through and how much she had overcome to be the bad person that i thought she was you know i mean she should have been like a serial killer after everything you know i was i was so upset and so moved i'm like i didn't know her dad did those things to her i didn't know all these bad things happened and that she's being her best self and i'm sizing her up not knowing any of that and judging her so harshly and making it harder for her to break out of it just because i'm casting that on her and i had no idea that our thoughts had this kind of power and it was what kind of loving god gives you that kind of gift you know and says to you you can change the world you you can change people who are acting out negatively by thinking good things on them she instinctively knows that god is taking her through her life review and panics god shows her a moment where she was kind to a woman in the grocery store god then shows the ripple effect of that simple act of kindness god then shows a scene where petty had a disdain towards a co-worker she then was able to see how her thoughts attached themselves to this person god then shows penny this woman's difficult life and what she's going through to survive penny had no idea her thoughts had this kind of power over others it kind of makes you think about the power of the thoughts that we have kind of having these uh huge opposite reactions i think just because it's so overwhelming you kind of are all over the place emotionally and and i i thought my angry thoughts at him and i was like you know what you're god and you know i'm not mad like that my first marriage broke up and all of that kind of stuff but my kids suffered from that you know i watched my son talk to his dad on the phone and then walk to the mailbox every day expecting that gift or that card or that little bit of money to be there and it never coming and i watched him walk back [Music] just empty-handed you know and that promise just unfulfilled and that heartbroken and i thought how could you do that to those children and he's like oh my goodness dear one you've completely misunderstood me let me show you something and so he puts this scene up i mean it was just magic it just comes up and i'm sitting in this soccer field with my oldest son and my grandson who at the time when i had this experience was two years old so this is down the road he's he's five i think in the image is how old he looked i'm watching him run up and down the field and the sun's shining on his hair and he's so full of life you know and i'm sitting next to my son who's proudly watching his son you know and he looks at me i never can get through this he looks at me and he says mom i'm going to be the dad to him that i deserved and i just thought wow you know i'm in this moment where i understand that i have this decision i can either keep myself walled up you know and what i realized was when i'm in that when i was in that dark place i didn't know how i got there how i got put there and and why did i have to go through this but when i realized i had built the place i kind of went back through my life kind of like you're watching a movie i'm really fast rewind and i i saw spiritually what i had done you know so when my marriage broke up i i saw this this image of me standing and all these um sorts of bricks just laying in pallets around me and i would go over and i would pick up a brick and i would stack it down in front of me and anytime i had a disappointment or a hurt or my kids suffered a hurt i'd walk over and i'd pick up another brick and i'd stack it up and i'd stack them and stack them and stack them and i had done it for years and before long i had completely isolated myself i would go to work and i was friendly to people people enjoyed working with me my patients i had good relationships with but it was all on the soup on the surface you know i didn't get together with anybody after i didn't have any enduring relationships i was always holding part of me back there was no way i was going to get into another romantic relationship ever and i through building these bricks the wall got so high that i started having anxiety about even answering the telephone friends that i'd been friends with for years i would avoid their phone calls because i had so much anxiety about talking to them and i would build the wall you know just a little higher every day and i had built that spiritual void that darkness i had built it in life it is important it's essential that you understand the importance of why you're here this isn't an accident whatever hell you're going through it is not an accident you have this power there's a there's a sign in american sign language for victory and it's this you know you're taking that victory and you have this opportunity to do this huge thing and you have the biggest opportunity when things are the worst because you can only make big change from terrible things you know if things are only marginally bad you can only do a little bit but if your life's really falling apart congratulations because you have this huge opportunity to be an overcomer and be a victor you know and i i just saw everything i had limited my life with you know i i hadn't pursued relationships and and yeah you're gonna get hurt and it's not going to kill you it's amazing you think it is you know you think you're going to live this life and you're going to protect yourself you don't want to be hurt and and what you've done is you've just limited all of your potential and that's what i'd done [Music] and if you've had all this anxiety over your life and all these visceral reactions eventually you can get sick from it and so he went in there and it was like a cloak wrapped around inside me and he was healing all of those things all of those hurts i just i just don't want to go back and i felt in that moment that i had kind of cheated myself out of all this could be and i thought you gotta you gotta go back you know you gotta try you gotta go back and try to live different you know he adores you he's infatuated with you did you live up to that did you do all you could did you love everyone you could and as soon as i made the decision the light started pulling away and i immediately became frantic i was just you know i was hyperventilating and i i was upset i was trying to somehow pull it back to me and i couldn't pull it back and i finally shouted out loud and it was the first time i'd spoken with my mouth and i said i said wait wait wait wait wait don't go yet i said you have to let me remember it you've got to let me remember it and so i wake up in this body and there's a nurse sitting next to the bed i'm off the ventilator i was untied and i looked at her and she said oh you're back i said i was with god and she said oh that's nice dear and i said no i mean just now just i just a minute ago i was with god and she's like let me get your family. and so she walks out and i'm thinking did i not say that right or something she's i i was so confused and my family you know starts filing into the room a little bit at a time and i'm like i was with god just now i i was with him and they're like oh that's good we're so glad you're alive and and then i kind of got a sense of what it was to be human again and realize you have to reign some things in penny then felt angry at god for the suffering that her son went through during the divorce god then chose her another scene that illustrates the outcome of this adversity penny's son tells her that he will break the chains of his father and make sure that he is there for his son she then realizes that she has built walls in her life to avoid any discomfort this wall then became a prison and prevented her from engaging in life penny then describes overcoming adversity as an opportunity for victory she then recognizes of all the anxiety that has manifested into health problems for herself god then heals and clears all the hurting that penny had endured through her life then he wanted to stay but then she realized that she needed to do better before being sent back penny asks to allow her to remember this experience penny then awakens back in her body and begins to tell everybody that she just met god understanding that this could be difficult for people to understand she then reeled back in and takes her time telling the story sometimes people do bad things but what if that bad guy is there to teach us what not to do or balance karma what a comforting idea to think that our soul is indestructible that we can go through so many trials and tribulations and yet go back to source unscathed unscathed yes but ascended just a little bit more i hope you've enjoyed this thought-provoking point of view as much as i did if i could have you consider one thing love is the key to our evolution [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Life to AfterLife Spirituality Series

Views: 501,390

Rating: 4.8467193 out of 5

Keywords: life to afterlife death and back 2, life to afterlife, life after death, near death experience, life after death documentary full series, life after death documentary, near death experience heaven, life, death, trailer, heaven, craig mcmahon, life to afterlife death adn back to life official trailer, Life to afterlife death and back to life offical trailer, after death what happens, life to afterlife series, after death, a box of faith

Id: 65eyvshsx5U

Length: 112min 25sec (6745 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 06 2021