LGBTQ+ Joe | Joe Lycett

uh before we get on with the show I should I should just tell you a couple of things that have changed about me because you might not know first thing is I'm very straight now you should know that about me I'm very straight thank you for laughing that's nice of you I uh no I'm not gay I thought I was gay once it was just trapped wind I I'm bisexual and yes yes I got to tell you I love [ __ ] [ __ ] [Laughter] love licking a tit Can't Get Enough [Music] um T punching a Minge I love it so it's lgbtq plus if you're interested that's lesbian gay by trans queer and then the plus is for all of the other letters and there can be as many letters as there are people in the world some of the more popular ones are asexual uh gender fluid that's why you don't see your gender as a fixed thing it can be different things at different times was explaining that to Peter on one occasion he's like yeah I know what gender fluid is but the name gender fluid you can imagine what it smells like fair enough gosh I had a heavy night covered in gender fluid in the morning I was uh there's I for intersex that doesn't mean oh yeah I'm intersex um I don't know what that means that's my that's my intersex leg um there's P for pansexual which is how I now Define myself it doesn't mean that I [ __ ] things in the kitchen as Linda amusingly observed nonstick Sur not when I'm around Linda pan means different things to different people to me it's a form of bisexuality I acknowledge that gender plays a role in why I'm attracted to people but not necessarily the essential role there's all sorts of common threads in our sexualities that we wouldn't otherwise acknowledge you might only be attracted to blonde people but you wouldn't say you were blond sexual but that would be a Common Thread I think the common thread in my sexuality is everyone I'm attracted to it's not attracted to me that seems to be the common thre sometimes it's not really about how they look their gender anything so so sort of more to do with that how they hold themselves or how they sort of take control of a situation I explained this to Linda in a very hamfisted way I was in Mosley post office in Birmingham if you know Birmingham there's two tills there's one here there's one here on this till was a very young very loud very attractive young effervescent girl she's wearing a cath kidson coat she was going off like a human baraca she was annoying she sort of sort of girl who has Live Laugh Love written in a living room but has also been done for gbh know it's just an annoying Castle here and then here was a really elderly sort of octogenarian crunched over old woman quite poor looking sort of Mary Berry if she didn't have money to sort of crunch her and she's going I'm I'm sorry I can't hear you she kept saying that I'm sorry I can't hear you and in the end she went I can't hear you because you're shrieking and I said to Linda I said I don't know what it was but in that moment the way she took control of that situation the way she extinguished All of This Woman's Joy the way everyone was looking at her I thought she was so attractive so beautiful obvious ly I wouldn't do anything about it and Linda was like oh what are you agist I was like no I wouldn't do anything about it because she's poor but the point is there's all sorts of new identities flying around at the minute new ways to describe yourself and I think that's wonderful but you've got two options when you encounter someone with an identity that you're not familiar with you can be fearful of them frightened take the piss out of them or be fascinated ask them loads of questions be curious kind of like when I first saw a platypus I think they're amazing they're mammals they lay eggs what the [ __ ] are they the first platypus that scientist found uh they found a dead one they did some scientific tests their conclusion it's a fake they thought that someone had sewn together a duck and an otter begs the question who did they think was doing they like oh that's Martin he loves doing that Martin other day brought this in said it was a PO Poise obviously a dolphin and a bellend classic Martin so by Pride only sponsoring one of the letters and ignoring the other letters I felt like they'd done a disservice to the community so I wrote them a letter dear Barkley you probably know why I'm writing you [ __ ] you spons Tom Daly to go to Pride daff bastard actually it's great that you're sponsoring pride pride is an lgbtq plus event it's about celebrating all of those letters and all the different types of identity that they represent it's about people into kinky stuff it's about some stuff that a lot of the people who work in your bank would find really weird it's not just about a particularly attractive gay diver who you can use to improve the perception of your brand so I'm writing to ask if you'll sponsor me not to go to Pride but to one of the less airbrushed events I want you to sponsor me and my friend Paul chuckle to go to The falsom Fetish Festival in Berlin it's a festival for people into leather and being tied up and wearing costumes I went a couple of years ago and nearly got wanked off by a unicorn I've mocked up a sample Instagram post naturally the real thing will looked much worse Bob your Uncle Joe Li it I've really got into gay puns basically it's one of my new favorite things I also I'm slightly obsessed with drag names as well because I've created a drag act which is Nigella farage she's incredibly racist whilst making a goat M Man Curry is the idea some of the names of dragx loest common denominator is my favorite but this started because a friend of mine mentioned to me the Gay Olympics a while back and I stopped listening to everything he said then because I was thinking of games that you could play at the Gay Olympics he talked for like five minutes I took none of it in and then just went Jus really really killed the mood with synchronized [ __ ] but um I one it's a good one CP c yeah there loads but so I asked you to tweet in cuz I've exhausted those I us to tweet in with uh gay TV shows and um what my favorite with these is when someone has a go but it's [ __ ] see they've really tried but you've had some genuinely really good ones as well for example um this one from Lucy Anon dicks push the bell end isn't a that's not a thing where are you Lucid Campbell where are you Lucy give me a wave Hello Lucy right at the back quite right you oh my God you sent in loads I'm a gay get me out of here King of the dildo what keeping up with the CES and you just put in Brackets Kardashians 10 followers now we know why something made me love it a little less about 4 years ago I got in a cab got into an Uber and he was the lovely driver the the driver said to me just started with Uber I said how are you finding it and he said oh it's wonderful I'd lost all my confidence and now I can put food on the table for the kids and I feel so much better about myself and I said how do you feel about King Heath because he lives there as well and he said oh it's a lovely place to live isn't it but you know um we do have our problems you know um in schools they're teaching kids it's okay to be gay I was like ah [ __ ] I'm fortunately I've had to deal with quite a lot of homophobia recently I've um discovered that someone in my family is homophobic which is is really disappointing I suppose is the word cuz that's not who we are as a family we're not homophobic we're racists I won't tell you which family member it is I'll just tell you I've got three aunties I've got Auntie Susan Auntie Deborah and Auntie gay marriage and she is she's a born again Christian which is fine I don't mind be religious whatever but born again is the gayest of the religion she could have chosen it's so Austin chest I'm born again it's so over the top literally means you came to it in later life that's all it means by that definition I'm born again anal beads so I'm in the back of this Uber and he's saying they're teaching kids it's okay to be gay in schools and I said oh it's a shame you say that because I'm bisexual and that affects me and he went oh I'm so sorry I don't want to offend anyone don't want to upset anyone it's just um in My Religion the anus isn't meant for sex and I said well have you ever had oral sex and he went yeah and I said well the mouse's not really meant for sex is it and he went oh and I said I'll see you in hell he led that he laughed he we laughed all the way through the Journey at one point he said you're really funny are you on Facebook I was like darling I'm a huge [ __ ] deal but nobody like shouted no one was aggressive no one was violent we just had an adult conversation about it I got out the cab reported him to Uber and he lost his job it's a nice story it's a nice story if you don't grinder if you don't know what it is it's a gay dating app that's what it is you you're bloody hell you know about it don't you it's not dating really either it's just a [ __ ] really but um first conversation was with Craig he said LOL are you Isis I said yes death to the West he said OMG I know a drag actor called Alexandra Burker you'd love her Alexandra burka I'd go and see that but I was in character as an Isis militant so I doesn't sound very good I said yeah to be fair it is [ __ ] want to meet so success somebody willing to love someone from Isis um next one was um James I was pleased with this James put want to blow I said what building he said okay tell me more about yourself I said I serve the Islamic State he said I serve in Wacker MERS and then I didn't reply for a bit cuz I was a bit busy so then he said sent me another message he said tell me if you could do anything what would you want to do to me so I said I would destroy you and your civilization he said that's hot where shall we meet I said in hell I said is that a nightclub somewhere um final one oh Barry bless Barry he put um ASL which means age sex location if you're not familiar I said 18 male Syria he said Syria question mark I said yes I'm serious he said haha I'm in Milton keing I said Milton ke is full of [ __ ] are all going to hell he thought OMG tell me about it gays is so funny so funny I have been trying to destroy the career of Tom Daly there's no easy way of saying it I've said it it's G it's out there now said it I've said it I should caveat all of this by saying I think Tom D is amazing in lots of ways he's a Olympic I'm sure you're aware of Tom Dy he's gay I think he was pushed into coming out as gay before he was necessarily ready there was a lot of fuss about it from the gay press and he's been a brilliant gay rights advocate in lots of ways um you might have seen that him and his husband Lance Black announced a few months ago that they're having a baby together shouldn't be a brave thing to do in this day and age but it was he got a lot of nastiness and he's been Serene throughout the whole thing so I do think he's brilliant however I now want to slag him off so Tom Daly irked me last summer for two reasons to Instagram posts and I'll show them to now this is the first one this is him at gay pride love the way that he's extending his arm out there to show the parade March there love the look of smile on his face beautiful framing there before I go into too much detail about this what's going on with the hand where is the other finger I've looked at it loads I don't know if it's a lighting thing whether it was edited out I can't I don't know how that happens I've got no issue with any of that really apart from the weird finger I've got no issue with this other po beautifully framed again his skin looks radiant in that little triangle marvelous Brave to wear a tank top but he seems to manage it I think it's wonderful it's lovely I've got no issue with any of this think it's all brilliant I have no issue with any of this as well happy Pride everyone it's been so awesome to take part in my first ever Pride it'd not been before but let's not forget why we have this day and how much more we have to fight for in many other social justice movements around the world no issue with any of that brilliant that he went to Pride I think we all should at some point in our lives it's good fun if nothing else my issue with both of these posts is not what's in them it's what's underneath them and that is this Barkley ukad that means that Tom daily was sponsored by Barkley to go to Pride and I don't have a problem with Tom daily being sponsored to do lots of things I understand when you're an athlete you got to make your money while you can you're not monetizable forever you might break your leg totally get being sponsored but to be sponsored to go to Pride which is a political event it made me uncomfortable it's sort of like going black lives matter with Tesco it made me uncomfortable and I didn't want to make a big deal of this I thought it's an error in judgment in some ways didn't want to make a big fuss about it all I thought I'd do is a bit of light trolling of Tom Daly that's all I thought I'd do so what I did is I went onto this very post and I commented on it with hashtags of rival Banks that's all I did #n West # santande # HSBC and for some reason dozens of other people started doing it as well # Northern Rock and I nostalgic one Viet com Bank an international one dozens of people did this and I know that celebrities get paid loads for this barley will have had a PR Team all over it I should mention that I've trolled Tom Daly in a lot lighter way about three years ago he posted to his Twitter a little post basically saying just take the image below personalize it just wanted you to customize an image in your own way that's all he wanted you to do of course I put him in a Smackdown who wouldn't in my position open bloody gob so that was it really as far as I was concerned I've done my post other people have commented Point made it was an I felt an error in judgment that was it next day I get a phone call it's from a friend of mine who's a photographer he's photographed the Olympic diving team on a few occasions and he's also photographed me and he said Joe you need to go on Ross Haslam's Instagram now I didn't know who Ross hlam was at the time he is another British diver who went to Budapest the day after Pride with Tom Daly for a competition and he posted a video the video you don't necessarily need to see I will show it to you it's a panoramic of Budapest it's done weirdly it's a portrait thing but he's done it on landscape which I don't understand also the sound in the background is not great so I will play it to you twice but you can hear in the background Tom Daly's voice and I'll just want you to listen out for it have a listen to this Clearly Now of the whole uh the lighting situation now he might be saying the lighting situation but I think Tom Daly says the lit situation have another listen just to double check of the whole uh the license situation does that sound like Li it to you I'm a situation not sure who he's talking to In that clip presumably the Assassin he's got to take me out I like the license situation I'm going to write a book the license situation there's the cover thought this has got out of hand I'm a situation all of a sudden I didn't want to be a situation I've just was been a light trolling and suddenly I'm a situation but the more I thought about it the more I thought actually in this regard I do want to be a situation because I care about this [ __ ] and I'll explain why pride is an lgbtq plus event there's a lot of letters there and often pride and its sponsors only focus on the G often gay men with six-packs but there's a lot of other letters there that deserve our attention for example t for Trans I got a lot of trans friends at the minute who feel really attacked feel really unsafe they feel really attacked by the right-wing press they feel more atted by my mom's friend Linda she she's the sort of person who says A Woman's Place is in the home and then spends 90% of her time in all bar one she's a basic [ __ ] and she um she said to me once she said trans people are unnatural whilst eating a punet of seedless grapes the irony of which did not pass me by she had a g me for painting my nails I paint my my nails now I do it for two reasons one I like the color also I bite my fingernails cuz they're delicious and when I paint them it stops you from biting them it's the only thing that seems to have worked and she said you shouldn't do that shouldn't paint your nails and I said why is that Linda and she said well it's an essential part of being a woman isn't it wearing makeup I'm I'm sorry do you think your husband Kevin's going to see this get confused and try and [ __ ] me is that the issue what he was referring to was at that time we had protests in our local area outside one of our schools it was against this you might remember it was in the press a little bit it's called no outside and it was a series of books that had been curated by one of the teachers at the school a man called Andrew Moffett and it was literally books that teach kids that some people have mommies and mommies and daddies and daddies and all different shapes and sizes of family this is one of the books mommy mama and me completely harmless book I'm against this book myself just cuz it looks to me like they're raising a young Phil Spectre but other than perfectly nice book um this is one of the other books Daddy poer and me again I'm against this because it looks like Dominic Cummings and I are raising a child we it I think that's fairly clear but um our MP at the time was this man a man called Roger godsiff now I know he looks like a pantomim villain he's absolutely not he's a real life villain he's a [ __ ] and he um he's a labor MP voted against gay marriage and while these anti-lgbt protests going on in his constituency he was nowhere to be seen I'd emailed him no response and in the end I was like I'm just going to have to smoke this prick out so I just did just did a bit of light trolling of Roger godsiff that's all I I just tweeted I just said Has anyone seen Roger godson I think I saw him riding his bike where might you have seen him people went mad for this oh I'm s him in the gym getting serious games I saw him playing with the local team Ian he got weird quite quickly but that's Twitter isn't it that's what happens on but while Roger godsiff was nowhere to be seen these protests kept going on they went on for weeks and in the end the protesters started speaking to the press and they're saying mad [ __ ] like this is to the BBC when it comes to sex and things why are they teaching them that why can't they just teach them what they need to be taught no one was teaching kids how to have gay sex that's not what these books are about they're literally teaching kids that some people have mommies and mummies daddies and daddies and all different shapes and sizes of family no one would write a book teaching kids how to have gay sex and then I thought I would like to see that book and you know sometimes if you want something to exist you have to make it yourself don't you so this is as for a I've been working on it for a while very simple concept anyway very simple concept teach a child the alphabet and gay sex is a very simple concept David Williams gave me a quote which is so nice and you didn't have to do that so lovely of David Liams and uh we can play This Together boys and girls shout out what do we think be is for boys and girls balls well done it is balls it gets trickier what do we think c's for CBT lovely thought no it's not but there's no wrong answers here anyone else [ __ ] cage [ __ ] cage it's not [ __ ] cage it could could be a [ __ ] cage yeah no I'll give it to you it's cupping another bles balls that's what it is what do we think D's for boys and girls D room there's some queer in there we go uh some of you might need to Google that is later some confused straight people looking at me there what's a dark room just go to there's a place called bolts that I'd recommend anyway um uh E's quite tricky what do I think e for boys and girls no that's a nice thought though a nice thought lovely emo easy access it is easy access well done well done very you go said so confidently dad is that you in in uh in Newcastle somebody said is it e that hurts it should be it should be I got it wrong I got it wrong you're all going to get this one last one boys and girls after three what do we think F is for 1 2 3 fisting it's fighting homophobia actually fisting that is disgusting fisting this is for children and you're shouting fisting G is for gay I put Alan should sorry it should be gay Lord sorry sorry I was get very frustrated with the language of sexuality as well because I know we've got work to do there because the three main words that we use are homosexual heterosexual and bisexual all of these words just to do with gender an only gender for example if you say you are a heterosexual male literally all that means is you are attracted to women but of course you won't be attracted to all women you'll be attracted to a type of woman blonde brunette your partner whoever it is and so I feel like it's more nuance than that more complex I prefer the word pansexual then people think you're [ __ ] things in the kitchen so I don't know to start and I don't know what I want really cuz sometimes I feel like I just want us all to be fluid and no one ever comes out but then you would never have the coming out story and my favorite story in the land is a coming out story it's my friend Sam he's a full gay and he lives at home with his parents as I do and he just got the confidence the one night I don't know where from and his mom was in the bath so he went and he knocked on the bathroom door and she put a towel around she came to the door and she said what is it Sam and he went Mom I'm gay and she went well I don't need this [Music] anymore I said gay not incestuous running for the town I love that story so much I love it I know that by and large the people of this neighborhood are immensely inclusive of LGBT Q Plus people and importantly up for a laugh a few years ago against the backdrop of our local MP coming out in support of anti-queer protests outside schools I hatched a little plan my goal was to bring this inclusivity and tolerance to the four to turn us into a ghood I decided it would be called Queen's Heath I also wanted to get my house price up because I wanted to [ __ ] off an estate agent called Greg many of you have been liasing with a man called Ken Roberts at the Gabor Hood Foundation you were so kind and helpful to Ken but it's time for you to know the truth which is that he was me all along if I'm entirely honest I'm amazed none of you clocked it was me I didn't hide my tracks brilliantly full disclosure I've been shouting about Queens Heath for years how did you not spot this it was me who came up with the name how did you not spot that the man on the Facebook group is clearly the work of Lisa Scott Lee how did none of you see on the list of mediums my painting of Chris witty that one of them was a queen's sheath Why did no one ask me what a weird t-shirt was when I handed over the check to the Lord mayor it's a picture of a boy that boy is an American footballer called Heath Queen he looks like he has a gentle soul did you not spot the necklace I've been wearing on National Television for the last 3 years with the letters q and H did you not see the map I planted in an episode of my Channel 4 show Joe Li got your back for a place called Queen's Heath how did none of you spot when last year I literally said Queen's Heath on the one show and but you spoke Joe about you know how humor has really got you through some well all of the tricky things that have cropped up in your life really oh Queen's Heath I tell me about it three years ago I did it on Strictly Come Dancing shout out to my mom and her friends those Queens he the fact that I'm doing this as the thing I've ever done there's Queen te Queen te Queen [Music] te how did you not notice on the ghood foundation website I'm up there smiling in the window you didn't spot any of this because ultimately he didn't need to you didn't need me to make this March a success because you already believe that this place can and should be a safe haven for lgbtq plus people I gave you the smallest of pushes you turned it into something marvelous to paraphrase my friend the great J long you wanted something to exist so you made it yourself with pride Joe lys

Channel: Joe Lycett

Views: 57,562

Keywords: British comedy, Joe Lycett, best of joe Lycett, comedy, jo Lycett, joe Lycett 8 out of 10 cats, joe Lycett British comedy, joe Lycett best moments, joe Lycett best of, joe Lycett comedy, joe Lycett full show, joe Lycett funny, joe Lycett funny moments, joe Lycett live, joe Lycett stand up, joe Lycett stand up comedy, joe Lycett would I lie to you, stand up comedy

Id: 7SPiRFSRBh4

Length: 25min 29sec (1529 seconds)

Published: Sat May 18 2024