April 14th, 1965 Dear Eva, It will be almost a month
since you wrote to me and you have possibly forgotten
your state of mind I doubt it though You seem the same as always and being you,
hate every minute of it <i>Don't!</i> Learn to say, <i>"Fuck you"</i>
to the world once in a while You have every right to Just stop thinking, worrying,
looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting,
fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping,
confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling,
numbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling,
scumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching,
bitching, moaning, groaning, honing,
boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking,
piss-trickling, nose sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking,
finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking, long waiting, small stepping,
evil-eyeing, back-scratching, searching, perching,
besmirching, grinding, grinding, grinding away at yourself Just stop it
and just-- <i>Do!</i> >From your description
and from what I know of your previous work
and your ability the work you are doing
sounds very good "Drawing - clean - clear
but crazy like machines, larger and bolder...
real nonsense." That sounds fine,
wonderful-- real nonsense <i>Do more</i> More nonsensical, more crazy,
more machines, more breasts, penises,
cunts, whatever-- make them abound with non-sense Try and tickle something inside you,
your "weird humor" You belong in the most secret part of you Don't worry about cool Make your own uncool Make your own, your own world If you fear, make it work for you Draw and paint your fear and anxiety and stop worrying about big deep things such as "to decide on a purpose
and way of life a consistent approach to even
some impossible end or even an imagined end" You must practice being stupid,
dumb, unthinking, empty Then you will be able to <i>do</i> I have much confidence in you and even though
you are tormenting yourself, the work you do is very good. Try to do some <i>bad</i> work-- the worst you can think of
and see what happens but mainly relax Let everything go to hell You are not responsible for the world you are only responsible
for your work-- so <i>do it</i> And don't think that your work
has to conform to any preconceived
form, idea or flavor It can be anything you want it to be But if life would be easier for you
if you stopped working-- then <i>stop!</i> Don't punish yourself However, I think that it is
so deeply ingrained in you that it would be easier to <i>do</i> It seems I do understand
your attitude somewhat, anyway because I go through
a similar process every so often I have an "agonizing
reappraisal" of my work and change everything
as much as possible and hate everything I've done and try to do something
entirely different and better! Maybe that kind of process
is necessary to me pushing me on and on The feeling that I can do better
than that shit I just did Maybe you need your agony
to accomplish what you do and maybe it goads you on to do better But it is very painful, I know It would be better
if you had the confidence just to do the stuff
and not think about it Can't you leave the "world"
and "art" alone? And also quit fondling your ego I know that you, or anyone,
can only work so much and the rest of the time
you are left with your thoughts But when you work
or before your work you have to empty your mind and concentrate on what you are doing After you do something
it is done and that is that After a while you can see
some are better than others but also you can see
what direction you are going I'm sure you know all that You also must know
that you don't have to justify your work not even to yourself Well, you know I admire your work greatly and can't understand why
you are so bothered by it But you can see
the next ones and I can't You must also believe in your ability I think you do So try the most outrageous
things you can <i>Shock yourself!</i> You have at your power
the ability to do anything I would like to see your work and will have to be content
to wait until August or September I've seen photos of some of Tom's
new things at Lucy's They're very impressive especially the ones
with the more rigorous form The simpler ones I guess he'll send some more later on Let me know how the shows are going
and that kind of stuff My work has changed
since you left and it is much better I will be having a show
May 4th to 29th at the Daniels Gallery
17 East 64th Street, where Emmerich was I wish you could be there Much love to you both Sol
