Let's Talk About Death | Rochelle Martin | TEDxKingStWomen

let's talk about death and I know when you saw the title of my talk you probably got a little shifty in your seats maybe you're a little curious too but let's face it you'd probably rather hear a talk about almost anything else anything other than your inevitable death but I'm here and I thank you TEDx King Street women for the invite to tell you that we are all going to die hopefully none of us in the next 15 minutes but we all will someday in some way cease to be alive there is a momentum going on here with every heartbeat with every breath we are that much closer to our end so what's a girl to do with that existential reality of her mortality the point of this talk is simply to challenge us to embrace it around the world people embrace death in Mexico families hold wakes in their homes actually it's more like keeping a party going around the body of a loved one before they carry them in procession to the church and the cemetery in India Hindu rituals are required before sundown on the day a person dies the family gathers for a ceremonial cleansing of the body and the eldest son lights the cremation pyre in Tibetan Buddhist sky burial the body of a loved one is offered up to the birds and the animals in a final act of generosity demonstrating respect for all living things as death feeds life perhaps it's easier to embrace death when it's near at hand there are certainly places in the world who live more closely with the reality of their mortality due to famine or violence or lack of access to healthcare death is a frequent companion some places and people know how to keep its company people mourn their dead they wash and dress and carry and bury them they have rituals to remember to send them off we die here too in Canada though perhaps at a later age and differently we die of heart disease or diabetes we don't like to think about it but some of us do let that consciousness in just enough to want to do what we can to delay our demise we might exercise or eat right we monitor our health but somewhere between that point and our inevitable death we seem to have forgotten as a society what to do I'm 42 years old right now but if I make it to 62 stats can tells me that my community's demographic will look quite different the silver tsunami that's a thousand baby boomers turning 65 each day in the next 20 years will increase the proportion of our senior citizens to one-quarter of the population it's just 14 percent now in 50 years if I make it to 92 the number of deaths per year in Canada will be double what it is today and how will this silver tsunami die well hospice palliative care Canada found that most of us indicate that we would prefer to die at home in the presence of our loved ones yet almost 70 percent of Canadian deaths occur in a hospital a recent Ontario study showed that 84 percent of people who died of cancer between 2002 and 2005 visited the emergency department within the last six months of their lives and 40% of those visited er within the last two weeks of their lives so clearly in Canada more and more of us will be dying and we will be dying hooked to tubes and machines and ICUs after surgeries and procedures that may only be buying us a few more days or weeks we say we don't want that we say we want a peaceful death at home but we can't seem to manage it and then there's after death we give that part of the story even less thought perhaps we can thank the US field doctors who figured out how to embalm fallen Civil War soldiers for their long cart rides home or maybe we should thank the 1950s funeral industry admin for selling us fear of our dead and our need for their products and services to protect ourselves from them but somewhere along the way we got lost so let me tell you a story about how it tends to go for us right here right now sadly I might get cancer I will fight it with radiation and chemo and maybe surgery but if I lose that battle I may be lucky enough to find excellent palliative care at home or in Hospice but according to the stats it's more likely that I will die full of tubes in an ICU my family will be notified and they may see me for an hour or two before my body is taken to the hospital morgue from there a funeral director or a transport service will pick up my body and unless someone notices or objects my family will be asked to sign off on the package deal this will include embalming which is the draining of my blood and the replacing of it with a formaldehyde based preservative puncturing of my internal organs and aspirating the contents and then refilling my abdominal cavity with chemicals which unfortunately have the added effect of being carcinogenic to the mortuary workers then they will stitch me up wire and glue me up into a posture of repose they will make me look almost not dead my family will purchase an expensive casket the cost of which they will have been convinced demonstrates their love for me and which will supposedly protect me from the elements they will get to see me for a few more hours at the funeral home while all of our friends and family file past and then eventually I'll go by hearse to the cemetery where my casket will be placed in a cement vault underground again my family will assume that this vault serves the purpose of protecting my body somehow but its actual purpose will be to prevent the ground from sinking just a little over me with time making it easier for the groundskeepers to mow this is the usual storyline maybe with a slightly different fiery cremation ending but it's how it tends to go and really how awful I think at every turn at every choice along that way we could have done better I've spent my life recycling and composting buying local and organic riding my bike and volunteering in my community snuggling with my children and making new friends but this ending doesn't speak to any of that in fact it opposes almost everything I believed in and gave myself to with the medicalization and institutionalization of my dying the outsourcing of my death care the invasion of my body and the toxic chemicals the lack of proximity to my family and friends and the limits on my community's involvement ultimately the pollution of the earth or the air with my body in its trappings but the whole point of telling you this sad typical story of a merge to the grave is to tell you that better is possible we can die and care for our dead better we can face our cultural alienation from death head-on and I think it starts with love of our family and friends of our communities and our earth how will we die in a way worthy of our lives how will we teach and relearn what it means to live into our dying in a way that contributes to our communities and protects our environment I'll suggest four first steps one let's start thinking about it it may seem counterintuitive but studies have shown that people who contemplate their mortality daily actually have a less depressed mood greater success in achieving health and fitness goals and greater satisfaction with their life circumstances research also shows that considering death leads us to greater acts of kindness and compassion in our relationships with others ultimately thinking about death helps us put things in perspective our priorities shift in our work in our finances and personal relationships when we think about the reality of death we appreciate being alive next let's start talking about it and writing it down if we prefer to die differently than most Canadians do in the hospital under growing aggressive medical interventions we need to start talking about what we want and what we don't want advanced care planning which is talking about our options and preferences for end-of-life medical care with our family and friends and with our health care providers it's imperative they're wonderful resources put out by the government of Ontario they're online and they're free and these can help to start the conversation when and how will we choose to decline futile life protracting care when and how will we choose comfort care in home or in Hospice at the end-of-life to ease more gently into death we need to talk about it before the time comes with everyone we can and we need to write it down next let's teach each other how to die and how to care for our dead almost everywhere else in the world and throughout human history people died in their homes cared for by family and friends the sick and elderly were present realities demonstrating the stages of how bodies shut down how people lose consciousness and slip into death people used to know what dying looked like it wasn't always peaceful or pretty but at least it wasn't a terrifying unknown we can teach our children and grandchildren what dying is about we can become less fearful and better able to compassionately care to grieve and let go and after we die our bodies can stay at home or return home to be cared by our loved ones this is the way we used to do it the way it was always done many people are surprised to learn that it is in fact perfectly safe and legal in every province of Canada for families to wash and dress and lay out the bodies of their loved ones at home but quite apart from it being our legal right consider that caring for a loved one after death might be the hardest best thing we'll ever do taking that opportunity to grieve and say goodbye our dying and death could actually become a gift to our communities friends become involved in the many tasks of after death care and arrangements grateful for an opportunity to demonstrate concern rather than feeling at a loss for what to do people can keep vigil for a few days sharing stories eating and drinking celebrating a life and grieving a death we can return death to its place in the circle of life finally let's choose and death what we value in we need to give some serious thought to the impact that our funeral practices have on the natural environment we spend our lives fighting for clean air and water protecting wildlife but when it comes to death our environmental consciousness comes to a screeching halt we need to consider funeral alternatives that are affordable sustainable and ecological choosing to forego embalming chemicals forgoing metal and hard wood caskets and using only biodegradable funerary products that's a start many people think incorrectly that cremation is an environmentally friendly option but cremation in fact requires a staggering amount of fuel energy and results in significant carbon and mercury emissions natural burial on the other hand which is burial of an uninvolved body in a biodegradable coffin or shroud without a cement vault it keeps the overall carbon footprint low and talked about leaving a legacy natural burial in a forest or conservation area protects that land from development forever it preserves it for future generations and supports natural habitats we can essentially save forests by planting ourselves when I say that I feel hopeful I feel the momentum of a revolution in how we deal with that I imagine movement toward community centered environmentally conscious dying and death care I imagine death much is the process of birth being reclaimed by our families and communities as a natural accepted honored part of life I imagine us claiming our place in a more compassionate cycle of life and death as we care for others and are cared for ourselves thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 14,255

Rating: 4.8884463 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Canada, Humanities, Death, Environment, Family

Id: GeyVx7xibQA

Length: 15min 37sec (937 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 01 2015