Is this seat taken? The power of sitting with yourself | Barb Schmidt | TEDxBocaRaton

have you ever tried to not think about something try it right now whatever you're thinking right now stop thinking about it hard it's like that curious phenomena of getting a song stuck in our heads right it goes on and on and on like a broken record and not only can we not turn it off we can't even turn the volume down the mind is not only thinking about one thing a song the mind is thinking about everything the mind is going going going like the ticker-tape on Wall Street it's been reported by popular media that the mind thinks over 50,000 thoughts a day with more than half of those thoughts being negative more than half are negative we can tell our bodies not to cross the street when a car is coming and it listens to us so why can't we tell our minds to stop thinking unproductive stressful thoughts and think the thoughts that we want it to think it's really not difficult to know that we know that as healthy and strong body is so important we know that but even with a healthy body we will not have a happy life if we have an unruly mine cognitive training today has become really mainstream and that's terrific for our mental acuity but what about the mind our mind is our most valuable resource for living our most important purposeful life we're not at the stream or were not at the mercy of this stream of negative thoughts going to nowhere or more important that thought that keeps us stuck from living the life that we truly desire when I was a little girl my life was chaotic and stressful both of my parents were alcoholic and I had never really knew which end was up I felt alone and I thought that the only thing that mattered was what I accomplished what I owned and what I look like I didn't think that I matter so my mind 24/7 told me go get going go do something and you will be somebody it didn't stop telling me that so I worked and worked and worked until I finally made it then when I was a successful young businesswoman I thought it would be happy I thought I would be okay and that life would be good I owned everything and had all the things that society told me that I needed to have to be happy I had a car I had a house I had lots of clothes but I was incredibly unhappy and very unhealthy but my mind said keep on going do it a little bit better this time you will be happy I promise you but it didn't work out for me this way a guy a really cute guy actually in my place of work a person that I admired and respected very much he came in to see me and he said barb we are so excited about the job that you're doing we really love the work that you're accomplishing and by the way personally I can tell that you must love it too you've put on some weight since you've been here that comment changed my life forever every time I ate something my mind said you have to get rid of it you're not good enough and so I did after seven years of suffering with bulimia I woke up one morning and check myself into treatment now bulimia is an insidious disease but let's be honest here we don't have to suffer from an addiction to know that the stresses of the mind are a heavy burden to know that the stresses of life are a heavy burden on the mind so in treatment I learned a lot I had therapy I had friends I learned to take mindful walks I took a bath for the first time in my entire life my mind always said showers were so much more practical but the greatest thing that I learned in treatment was how to sit with myself how to be with just me you know when the lights were off I was by myself there was no television no computers no telephones this was the 80s so when dinner was over we were in her rooms by herself so I want you to ask yourself this question when was the last time you did nothing no driving no texting no talking on the telephone no sending an email no eating no watching television just did nothing you know our youth our possessions other social connections we think that these things will make us happy and they do but we also know that these things come and go our mind is with us for the entire journey we cannot escape ourselves even for one second people ask me all the time how is it that you were in recovery for 30 years I reply by saying I did it by sitting with myself which is not at all easy sitting in silence with your thoughts can be brutal just the mere idea of staying can be uncredible uncomfortable that first night in treatment my mind was plotting and planning my escape it kept telling me you've made a terrible mistake you have to get out of here but one day rolled over to the next day and little by little it got a little easier and the thoughts were saying you can do this you have to do this all you need to do is stay dogs know so a pivotal moment came for me about three weeks into my stay when I sat down with myself one morning the thoughts were thoughts of you are complete you are loved you are enough those thoughts are helping us bring in the reins of our own mind the poet Mary Oliver asks us in the summer day just tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life there are things that we're all driven to do contributions we wish to make in the world and in our lives and when we can learn to direct our minds we can accomplish our most important tasks with meaning one of my favorites Victor Lee Franco wrote between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space is the power to choose our response and in our response lies our growth and our freedom it is a true testament of the human mind that Franco was able to find internal freedom while living in a Nazi concentration camp or his entire external world was completely out of his control it is amazing that this one simple act can help us find that space that freedom when I left treatment I went on this massive search to deepen my understanding of this you might say that the world of mindfulness teachers became my laboratory I went on over a hundred retreats and in the 90s I went on one with the Buddhist monk tick Don I showed up to sign in and they said for the entire week we will be in silence except for the teacher imagine that that everything in the external world is coming into you but nothing is going out every thought every feeling every experience has to get processed in this sitting I'm not saying that I am always happy just ask my family or that I never think negative thoughts but what I am saying is that we can learn to discern which thoughts will hold us back or which help us take a step forward which thoughts are real and which are false we can learn to trust ourselves completely and direct our mind wherever we want it to go recently I heard someone say the speed of my life is making me crazy but I can't stop if I stop I'll fall behind and someone else will get ahead this is a common fear but nothing will happen until we define that space until we change that thought and stop following those thoughts that are telling us that we will be left behind we are not enough so we sit to start the day we collect ourselves we collect this moment of thoughts we take a look at them in a net we see what is there this helps us understand our with language with ourselves and with others I check my text messages in my emails before I push send a kind of scan them likewise we can scan our thoughts before they shape who we will become or what action we're gonna take and it's in this scanning of our thoughts that we're able to choose our response when we sit we notice the breath each inhale in each exhale by concentrating on something simple and concrete like the breath were quieting the mind what will the first five minutes of the day do for you I have discovered over the years that when I plug into me every single morning consistently have more balance I'm more prepared when I go into the day we plug in we have more energy I have more battery life and when things start to get a little bit hectic in the day or stressful I can plug back in we can plug back in at any moment by taking a few deep breaths in this sitting we're not you know we're quieting the mind we're not silencing it we're gaining a greater awareness of the thoughts that we're thinking we're learning to live our lives from the inside out from that internal source of power not feeling stressed and at the mercy of the external world's demands and expectations of us a few years ago a really good friend of mine when I know 21 day hike in Nepal halfway through she got really sick and didn't think she could make it the Sherpas said can't go back the only way to go on to go forward is we must go up the mountain she really started to panic and wasn't sure what she was gonna do so at 11,000 feet she sat down with herself she started to notice her breath she started to pay attention to a positive phrase you know it's hard enough to be at this altitude and this this hiking when you're healthy so after a bit she put one foot in front of the other and she made it up the mountain when she returned she told me had it not been for my years of sitting with myself this discipline this practice I would have surely missed that once-in-a-lifetime view at the top of that mountain this power of sitting is rooting ourselves in calm positive thoughts we're looking at what we're thinking we're paying attention to those thoughts then we step into our lives and live the life that we choose to live we're getting below the surface of the minds chatter is this seat taken tomorrow wake up and sit

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 43,523

Rating: 4.9374113 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United States, Life, Behavior, Choice, Emotions, Life Hack, Meditation, Mental health, Mindfulness, Peace, Personal growth, Self improvement, Simplicity

Id: tCexxmjkvoU

Length: 13min 33sec (813 seconds)

Published: Thu May 07 2015