Leonard Stone with "Holding onto Relationships" #3 ~ 3 October 2021

[Music] hi there maranatha as you know we're busy with a series called holding on to relationships have you noticed how some people will go from one relationship to the next from one friendship to the next sometimes even from one marriage to the next it's almost like they're treating people as disposable commodities and i think that's why the apostle paul says to us in ephesians 4 3 he says make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit what is he saying he's saying don't be casual about the relationships in your life and don't think that they're just going to work out by themselves and and you're just going to have good relationships he says no no no you've got to make an effort in that area unfortunately he tells us how in verse 2 he says always be humble and gentle be patient with each other making allowances for each other's faults because of your love and so paul gives us four keys here to unity and harmony in relationships he says humility gentleness patience and making allowance for others faults now last week we looked at humility and humility doesn't mean that we think less of ourselves it simply means we think of ourselves less so in other words we focusing on other people because our our natural inclination is to focus on me me me me myself and i and so humility is where we think of ourselves less and we think think of other people it also doesn't mean that we see ourselves as worthless it simply means that we we see other people's worth we recognize their worth and so that was the previous week we focused on humility last week we looked at gentleness now the bible also uses gentleness as meekness it's translated as meekness and meekness doesn't mean weakness it means strength under control think of that wild stallion while it's in its wild state it's no no use really to mankind it's beautiful to look at and we admire it and that's about it we can't use it we can't write it as a matter of fact in its wild state it's dangerous to the rider but the moment that horse is tamed the strength is brought under control what happens it becomes a blessing to the rider and and you can use it and enjoy that horse and what's interesting that tamed horse is no less powerful than the wild horse there's no slower than the waldos just as fast just as powerful but now it's strength under control and so this morning we're going to look at patients what does patience mean and i want to do a quick survey how many of you just you love waiting you love waiting in the traffic it gives you an opportunity to listen to some radio or to reflect on the day whatever it is you just love that you love standing in the queue in in the shopping center you know in the grocery store you know it gives you an opportunity maybe to look at everything on the shelves and to fill your basket that's half full and you can fill it with chocolates and all kinds of stuff that they have stacked up and you love waiting when you've given your children instructions you've asked them to clean their rooms and and and your attitude is listen listen don't don't rush you know take your time you can do it as long as you do it in the next month that's fine or you've asked them to take the trash out but listen don't rush please you know whenever it suits you as long as it's in the next year i don't think so when we want something done we want it done now and we generally impatient we don't want to wait for anything you know i read an article that said if people click on a video and they wait longer than two seconds one two fifty percent of the people will move on they they just become impatient they move on if they wait longer than five seconds the other fifty percent of the remaining 50 will also move on so that means there's only 25 of the people left now and so what happens we've just become impatient and i mean think about it nobody forces us to go and click on that video we want to look at the video we've chosen to click on the video but if we wait longer than five seconds most of us will move on and so that just shows us how impatient we've become and so we live in a very impatient society a very can i say instant society where convenience is king and so of course you know it's very convenient for us to have microwave meals you pop it in the microwave or what about the drive-through do you just go through the drive through it's very convenient but it's very yesterday because today we have uber eats and we have mr delivery they'll deliver it right to your doorstep we want high-speed internet uncapped high-speed internet where we can do online banking and online grocery shopping and an on-demand entertainment you know catch up and netflix and show max and all of those things and so we've really become accustomed to getting what we want by a few clicks of a button we get what we want the sad thing is we've carried that same mentality right into the church and you'll find many people they prefer watching online watching on the screen even though church may be open and they can come back but they'll rather do that than be an accountable relationships in an accountable community because that's what church is at the end of the day and so they want entertainment rather than discipleship and all of this is because we have this convenience mentality it's how does it affect me and what's easiest for for me or or could i say we face a patient's challenge a patient's challenge and what i find fascinating is how god already knew we would face this patience challenge more than 2 000 years ago that's why when we open our bible man it's loaded with instructions to be patient and that's why paul says to us be completely humble and gentle be patient with each other proverbs 16 says better a patient person than a warrior so in other words a fighter one with self-control than one who takes a city and so what he's saying is true strength is reflected in patience it's not a warrior that can take out other people and and can take a city it's it's not the guy in the gym that's not really the strong guy you want to see somebody's strength you just have a look you just see if they if they patient's true strength is reflected in impatience and by the way patience is also one of the fruits of the spirit it's what god wants to develop in our lives god uses the holy spirit to develop this or to produce this in our lives and so if you've ever wondered why you're going through some challenges and through some some hard times it may just be that god's wanting to develop patients in your life and unless you start cooperating with him and helping that thing develop you're gonna write the test again and again and again and so one of the best things that we can do is cooperate of all the things that god wants to develop in our lives patience is one of the main things but he requires our cooperation listen to colossians chapter 3 it says you are the people of god he loved you and chose you for his own so then you must clothe yourselves with compassion and kindness humility gentleness and patience you must clothe yourself nobody's going to do it for you and me god's not going to do it for us other people aren't going to do it for us we've got to do it for ourselves we've got to clothe ourselves but you say but leonard hang on i thought you've just said that the holy spirit produces patience in our lives that he develops that yes he does but he can only do that with our cooperation and so when you and i go through difficult times that's the holy spirit wanting to help us to handle that with patience but we've got to cooperate we've got to come alongside of him you know soon after liesel and i got married she pointed out to me one day that i'm very impatient and i was like okay you know tell me something i don't know you know i'm aware of that when i want something done i want it done now and then she said me she said i i know that she says but the problem is she says whenever you you tell me something or you explain something she says and and i don't get it quick enough she said it makes me feel stupid and when she said that it just broke my heart because you see that's the last thing that i want to do i love her so much and so i i want to i want to always help her and encourage her and motivate her in whatever she's doing and yes she's telling me that that really that i'm breaking her down and so i'm telling you that that did something in my life and so i decided to cooperate with the holy spirit because the holy spirit had been trying to develop patients in me and i wasn't really cooperating and so i started cooperating and if you had to ask liesel today she would tell you that i'm more patient than what she is and because i've grown in that area i'm telling you our relationship has grown had i not grown had i not developed that we probably wouldn't have the relationship that we have today and i think that's what paul says always be humble and gentle and be patient with liesel okay so he says be patient with one another but for me he's saying hey be patient with liesel one corinthians 13 says love is patient and so if i love liesl if i say i love her it's going to show in my patience you see this idea of patience is very powerful in relationships and when i say relationships i'm not only referring to romantic relationships any relationship that we have in our lives it's it's very very powerful you see when you're patient with somebody it shows that you value them and you respect them and you you care for them it even shows that you love them i mean we will be more patient with our own children than somebody else's why because we love our children more i've seen pastors not our own pastors i've seen other pastors who are really hard on young people who don't follow god's word and maybe they're living together and i've seen them they they're harsh and they and they're hard but when their own children do the same thing then suddenly you find they far more understanding and and they're far more patient with with their own children why because they love them and they care for them they make room for that all i'm saying is when we really love somebody we're going to be more patient with him love is patient the bible says now you want less conflict in your in your marriage or conflict in your relationships all you got to do is develop this thing called patience you see we all have conflict from time to time we all have disagreements and the moment you add patience in with the mix there you'll find the outcome will always be better proverbs 15 says a hot tempered person stirs up conflict but the one who is patient calms a quarrel so what it's saying is an impatient person a hot-tempered person makes it worse a patient person makes it better but one thing that you and i have got to be aware of is stress we all carry stress in our lives maybe it's a stress in in business or it may be stress you know in your finances and from time to time our stress levels go up and what you'll find is the more your stress levels increase the more your patience level will decrease and so things that you would previously just overlook you would take in your stride it's really not a problem now suddenly you start you start getting frustrated and aggravated with it and you start bickering and fighting over nebulous little things why because you're carrying more stress and so be careful of that be aware of stress levels as our stress levels increase our patients level decreases and so you'll find stress never brings out the best in us it brings out the worst so how can we be more patient how do we develop this thing called patience because if you think about it patience is not required during the calm peaceful times in our lives oh no it's required during the difficult times and especially the times of conflict the times of disagreement where we've got to have a sit down i call it a sit down where you've got to sit with somebody and you've got to try and work through that that's where we've got to be patient and so i want to share quickly with you six practical tips to being more patient in a sit-down situation all right so here's the first one practice simple courtesies have you noticed when people become more impatient when they get impatient simple courtesies go right out the window and so they're not polite anymore they don't even really greet the other person you know they'll sit down and a half and they don't give that other person opportunity to finish their sentence or to finish their their thought they'll interrupt and sometimes you'll find you know they'll tap with a pen on the table you can just see their impatience they may even say something like man hurry up or get to the point or they're constantly looking at their watch and and that's just disrespectful that's rude and when we practice simple courtesies it really helps just to smooth things out listen to what the bible says speak evil of no one avoid quarreling be gentle and show perfect courtesy toward all people all right that's the first one here's the second one listen listen listen listen linda honey you're not listening to me all right and so nothing leads to mutual understanding better than when both parties involved in that conflict or both parties who are having that sit down are really committed to listening the moment you open yourself you make a decision to listen properly man that's where you can solve things and so listening means that we've got to temporarily suspend our own thoughts or arguments so in other words you almost put that on hold and and you're not focusing on formulating your argument to your ideas you're focusing on listening you're focusing on trying to understand and you're not interrupting the other person but you're listening you're waiting you're holding back you you give them time to speak and when they finished then you speak you see sometimes we we interrupt one another and and they don't get an opportunity to finish and let them finish let them speak when they finish you say all right now then you can share from from your perspective the way that you and i show that we've been listening is by restating the other person's position in your own words and you can do it by saying something like did i understand you correctly is this what you're saying or or is this what you're feeling or is this what you're thinking where you wanting to go you restate and the moment you do that it shows them that you've really paid attention and that you're patient in that situation bible says in james chapter one let every person be quick to hear slow to speak slow to anger quick to hear slow to speak and then of course slow to anger now here are two don'ts let me share two don'ts quickly with you don't rush the process working through conflict is a process and you'll find that offering simplistic solutions or jumping to conclusions too early in the process can irritate those other people and so i find generally as guys we are fixate kind of people and so we want to just jump to the solution and we try and find the quickest solution we we want to do that and we wired like that but you'll find when you do that it comes across as dismissive or sometimes even indifferent to the seriousness of the situation and so when you have a sit down with your spouse don't rush the process but allow them to share from their perspective and and even to express their emotions and sometimes as guys we're not as patient when it comes to an emotional situation but that's part of the process don't rush the process yes the second don't number four don't allow them to push your buttons have you heard somebody say oh you know he's just got a way of pushing my buttons no no no no he can only push your buttons if you allow that if you let him if you let her remember that incident where that guy was accusing my dad and almost had his finger in his face and he was just ranting and raving and carrying on and my dad just remained completely calm and when he was finished this other guy was finished with his rent my dad said to him he says you're not going to have the privilege of making me mad and so when somebody else is pushing your buttons and you can just feel it welling up on the inside don't allow them to make you mad don't take the bait don't step into the trap you don't have to all right here's number five and this is a very practical one take breaks take breaks but i found this is a very effective one whenever discussions or whenever a sit down becomes particularly long and drawn out or even stressful don't be afraid to take a break or take a a couple of breaks here and there because every time you do that it allows you to just just calm the emotions and to focus on the on the big picture or the goal so what is the big picture what is the goal when you have a sit down with somebody it's to resolve the conflict while preserving the relationship it's not just resolving it you want to resolve the conflict while preserving that relationship and so you'll find a break may help you to just calm the emotions focus on the on the goal but also sometimes to consider some possibilities that maybe you weren't considering or you weren't willing to consider in the beginning of the sit down but now you are willing to consider it can i say to the married couples sometimes you have a sit down or it may even be a lie down in bed and and it's late at night already and you haven't resolved it and it's just carrying on and on and on switch off the light and do it tomorrow you know some people have these marathon sessions and it's almost like they just don't know when to stop and they just keep going it's almost like we said last week they get invigorated by this and the other person is is half dead you know they they can't think clearly they can't focus anymore and switch off the light you may say but leonard you know doesn't the bible say don't let the sun go down on your anger listen the sun went down six hours ago streets of the light that scripture is simply saying don't take today's anger into tomorrow don't allow unresolved issues to linger and linger in your relationship that's what it's saying and so if you're to say to your spouse listen i love you but we can sort this thing out tomorrow and i'm i'm committed to sorting it out we're going to work through this thing i'm not gonna allow it to go unresolved let's get some sleep let's uh recharge we're gonna feel better think clearer tomorrow and then get some sleep it's good to do that take a break all right here's number six remain flexible and optimistic problems have solutions and as long as we remain flexible and optimistic you'll find there's a greater chance that we actually find those solutions when we start off in a sit-down well we don't understand the whole situation we are not seeing clearly we don't have many solutions but what you'll find as that discussion continues we start understanding we have a greater understanding and and there are more solutions that are discovered and so one of the ways to stay optimistic is look for areas of agreement look for areas of agreement so in other words look for for things that that you're actually on the same page and then validate that or affirm that so instead of looking at all the differences and all the disagreements and and the frustrations you start looking at the things where you're actually agreeing and the things that you're on the same page and then you affirm that you validate that and that helps both parties to just remain positive one of the biggest obstacles to conflict resolution is the belief that a particular conflict cannot be resolved but as long as you stay flexible and optimistic you're gonna find solutions so let me wrap this up of all the things that god wants for you and me patience is high up on that list it's one of the nine fruits of the spirit and that's why god gives us his holy spirit to help us to develop that thing in our lives but it's not going to happen automatically it's not going to happen by itself we've got to cooperate with him so in other words pass the test pass the test if we don't pass those tests we're going to write them again and again and again but we start passing those tests start developing greater patience just like the relationship with liesel you're going to find that relationship any of your relationships will go to the next level and that's what god wants for us so come let's pray together father is always we want to thank you for your word it is just so practical and it helps us in our everyday lives and so now we're coming and we're saying lord we want to cooperate with your holy spirit and you're already at work in us and you're trying to develop that thing in us holy spirit and so we come today and we say to you we want to cooperate help us in this area so that we may have better more blessed relationships in jesus name amen amen bless you

Channel: Maranatha Community Church

Views: 1,563

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Keywords: Maranatha Community Church, Kempton Park, Christian, Leonard Stone, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Christ, Father, Son

Id: 5LqOfrvBt9o

Length: 26min 22sec (1582 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 02 2021