Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson 10/15/2012 Jeff Goldblum, Sarah Paulson

please state your name for the folks at home when I Point At You in an accusing manner Abby Abby uhuh oh how lovely and you are suzan suzan oh where are you from ladies Brighton Brighton England yes where are you from from London [Laughter] oh it's like d na already is there are you on holiday here yes I say holiday because that's how English people say vacation have you seen any lorries or bought any petrol are you having a nice time yes yes yes uh what have you seen everything no you haven't no you haven't I you touring America or just doing Los Angeles just Los Angeles I see and uh what business are you in back home uh we both just graduated from University wait who you don't know what their grades were shut up did you do well yeah okay good one knock it off save your enthusiasm for the monologue You're going to need it so uh how long are you here for two weeks two weeks all right what are you going to do in your jobs know that you've graduated don't know well what are what did you study history oh I see any particular period in history you enjoyed 20th century That's History I was born I was born in the 20th C what what part of the 20th century the world wars all that stuff oh yeah that was a bad business the most definitive description of the world wars available that was a bad business well uh we've got a surprise for you where are we sending them for dinner CRA Craig's Restaurant I have a restaurant in Los Angeles but it's called Craigs and it's actually good do you eat meat uh-huh yeah you we'd like to send you two girls and both parts of Secretariat no actually uh we'll send you and the horse uh to to Craigs restaurant where they serve exclusively horse meat they don't they don't don't it's a joke They don't serve horse meat do they no they don't that's the French do that you know what what is it we out of time that's rather I was just beginning to enjoy [Music] myself do you often laugh when you're nervous [Laughter] then is one of you neat and one of you untiy and you share an apartment I your sitcom on CBS then we'll be right [Applause] back it's a long day and you got the S at the but hang on leave the TV on and let's do it anyway it's okay you can always sleep throughout tomorrow he hi hi tomorrow's just your future yesterday the late Lake Show with Craig Ferguson sponsored by Progressive visit progressive.com [Music] [Applause] today ladies and gentlemen Craig C [Music] welcome to the late Lane show I am your host Ste Fus thanks everybody all right that's enough great great all right great thank you that's enough quietly now quietly thanks everybody thank you very very believable it was genuinely authentic Applause and warmth washing over me it was like you were rubbing my nipples with your mind rubbing your nipples with your mind that's how good the audience is tonight Jeff they were rubbing my nipples with their minds ooh yeah that's it so you go oo all right fair enough it's a great day for America [Music] everybody not a great day how not a great day however for the ladies of the view Barbara Walters I was on a view last week oh you were and you were marvelous thanks very much it smells so nice there what is it what does it smell like ladies o yeah anyway Barbara Walters announced this morning that the view that they were snubbed by Mitt Romney he was scheduled for an interview and then canceled at the last minute Barbara said and I quote you do not CR me with Romney I will have my rev I have to say my barber Wes is very like Elmer F isn't it I mean it's like be very very quiet anyway apparently Mitt Romney wants to limit his appearances to places where no one will attack his positions you know like the debates ping that's my new thing yeah ping ping yeah I don't know maybe not it was a big weekend here in Los Angeles the Space Shuttle Endeavor was pulled through LA traffic to its new home at the California Science Center on Sunday now it was supposed to arrive the day before but it got rear ended by Amanda bin for joy that's a real joke let's do it everybody let's do it it's a real joke come on come on [Applause] [Music] quick all [Music] right all right yeah that's that I love when we do that it was a big weekend for uh Felix bombarder the uh Australian Daredevil who broke the world record for Skydive you know that guy he uh he jumped off a balloon 24 mil High then fell to the Earth so fast he broke the sound barrier that's fast how fast is it it's faster than President Obama's phone numbers after the debate Jeff he he F faster than Bill Clinton's pants at a strip club nice he fell faster than my On's boobies when she takes off her top I got another one he fell faster than my balls I'm old I mean it was very silent up there the jump though was very very atmospheric very weird uh you have a clip of the jump it's very quiet look look at this he's like there he [Music] goes I added that bit myself there but I you you're going to think he's pretty scary up there you wonder what's going through his mind he didn't say much uh and he was probably very nervous so we added sound effects to it play again take that Fearless man brave enough to jump off a thing to yeah that's right you work all your life to do that amazing thing and some douche in the middle of the night puts a fart noise on it sorry buddy look the footage was amazing really at one point he starts spinning uncontrollably like me during the 1980s but with less vomit and I I was wondering how they got video of the jump apparently they had a camera on his big helmet and by big helmet you mean penis yeah anyway I saw him wear the elaborate space suit with all the cushions and the pad and I thought you see Arnold Schwarzenegger you see some austrians do use protection come on let's do it let's get it going all right here's what I think is amazing that bombarder landed completely upright on his feet that's impressive impressive I can barely do that when I get out of bed and he he actually landed in Roswell New Mexico you got a picture there is he landed and he's waving and I'm thinking wait Roswell New Mexico middle of the desert who is he waving to aliens I see those aliens again is that what's that alien doing near in Larry King's pants is that alien there we anyway uh what I'm saying is the bomb Gardener Fell's get balls of steel well done by the way bomb Gardener is an Austrian name Loosely translated it means um ass Gardener yeah I I've get an ass Gardener comes around once a week you know do some uh little digging uh he trims the bushes littleit uh what what does your ass Gardener do yeah you know something about leaves and blowing does he have a machine for it yeah yeah g I know you mulches the compost I guess coil the hook okay and I'm trying to say that this bomb guard is a real Daredevil he makes that David bla look like a douche who does stupid tricks like David blae basically is what I CU I was in New York City last week and David blae was doing his latest stunt which is you know basically him sitting on a pole and the pole is like get off and everyone I just added that but it's not we're we're not dancing for that but not what the thing about the pool no no the stripper pool no anyway what I'm saying is David bla stunt in New York everyone was captivated by it and by captivated I mean they were like and he was upstaged of course completely by bomb Gardner if David Blaine is Prince Harry's ball then bomb Gardener is Kate Middleton's boobies he just totally overow him did you watch it did you watch the thing oh yeah oh yeah what do you think oh I was I was riveted You' been sarcastic yeah I mean come on man what the hell what the hell the guy put on a suit and jumped from 25 miles up I mean you could die doing that sorry man no offense but you could the hell man I came back from the dead to be on this show much like the audience this evening as well I do the thing yeah sure all you're watching The Late Late Show the most perfect combination of glamorous and sleazy on [Applause] television welcome back everybody welcome back welcome back to the show where tonight we're celebrating the work of uh the uh English girl historians aren't we yes yes the great English girl historians of the 20th century right and and only the 20th C only the 20th century they don't look at history before that they're no interested in anything that happened in the 19th century so take that uh Civil War and Napoleon yeah the the yeah you know what's happened is these lovely English girls they they came here and I think they rather unwittingly sat in lesbian row or maybe they're English lesbians you can't tell sometimes with the English very hard very hard very very difficult to tell because they're so polite we Jeff and I were in New York last week wer we we have a nice time it was great oh we had a lovely time what was that thing you liked that one thing yeah that was awesome what time is it you're not on form tonight what's the matter with you what are you talking about well all I'm saying is i' a couple of times I've talked to you and you're like oh that thing who I'm like what the hell man you mad at me for something is something going on is it something that happened on the trip to New York that you'd want to talk about and we haven't talked about cuz let's just get it out here and talk about it right yeah okay you want to okay fine yeah all right yeah you uh you stole my bum gardener I didn't steal your bum gu I know what you're mad at you're mad at that thing that happened in the hotel I don't want to talk about that yes well I'm going to talk about it we were at the hotel we were just leaving the hotel and the bman came up and said hey you guys Jimmy pagee is in this hotel Jimmy Page the guitarist from Leed Zeppelin he's in this hotel and he's having breakfast and I'm like great um but then Jeff wanted to go see him and I'm like what you can't go watch a guy eating breakfast it's weird yeah but it was how did how how does Jimmy pagee order breakfast how would he do that it's just like anybody else he's just like hey uh I want us some breakfast this is Italian Jimmy pige I do he's he's Italian yeah well he is for the purposes of this story he's Italian okay fine so you know you remember in Leb Zeppelin Robert Plant also Italian he was like there's the lady she knows so the stuff is so great the hell's going on over there man I don't know I I think I'm a little you know out of whack because of the English lesbians kind of threw me a bit you little you're little out of whack that's you uh you need need some help that sounds dirty oh that sounded dirty there goes my penis okay what time is it Jeffrey Peterson it's Street Mail Time time to take advice from a man who broke broke the world record for most times being creepy in a single hour not yet uh you want to do our own jingle let's do our own jingle you ready [Music] yeah yeah hey no don't you're just doing that to make yourselves feel better don't do it hey you know what did they say in New York when we arrived oh Jeff the minute we got off the plane what did the ladies all say in New York here come the players and then what did they say Jeff it's so F all right this is from Patty in Toronto Canada uh who says some stuff uh this is uh this is from uh Mariann in Marbury in Massachusetts who says uh dear Craig and Jeff how was your road trip together oh just I was just telling you it was fine right yeah it was great yeah whenever we went to a different town we went all over Pennsylvania Upstate New York people were they were lining the streets and what were they shouting Jeff here come the players this is from Warren uh it doesn't say where Warren lives but you can tell it's somewhere wooded because he's uh now is he a tit or a pecker of some kind no that that looks like a pecker a pecker I guess he is then uh he says hey Craig I just wanted to say hello please don't read this on TV you got it buddy uh this is from Jimmy in Cranston Rhode Island who says uh hi Craig and Jeff I was in the very last road at your short Radio City and you guys were rocking it was it fun yeah it was all right was it yeah it was decent yeah good it was great are you kidding me when we walked out and about the pet Full House at Radio City 6,200 people Full House what did the audience say when we hit the stage Jeff here come the players only because you made them sing it yeah that's true all right all right this is from Rocky in New York Delaware who says and this is from Carter in Pittsburgh in Pennsylvania who says hi Craig Hi Jeff what's the best way to tell my wife I messed up the reservations and now we're not going to Hawaii in November you got a couple of weeks uh fix all right be right back right back [Applause] all right that's enough that's enough when you're not here things get a little raw imagine Jimmy pige having breakfast my first guest tonight is a fantastic actor very tall and very convincing in many of the roles he plays except when he plays short people then is unbelievable in any way he's starring in a seminar the Amenson theater in Los Angeles through November the 18th the lovely Jeff Goldblum everybody [Applause] [Music] yeah no you look great give me me no that was my questions no no that was your questions hey so you bought a house no you bought a house no no I was just saying that it's like kind of talk show thing people say h you bought a house I never heard that when I thought it was how was your summer how was your summer that was okay all right great but you did buy a house no I didn't you didn't I thought you didn't know but you moved maybe never mind oh we moved from the old Studio to this studio yes I love this this is so this is my first time seeing this yeah it's pretty good look at the metal piece up there look at that that a beautiful we got pict Betty White Tom go Justin Bieber Paul McCartney Paul McCartney um love that yeah a whole bunch of things we got an autographed pat sjck pat s Jack which brings to mind of course Martin Short wasn't that the subject of the object of his affection in the or was it the I do I do what did you just do there with your leg I was trying to remember ah is that how you remember things uh possibly I don't know I think that is that like a technique did you learn it from Tony Robbins or something I didn't learn it no I didn't learn it you didn't learn it from Tony Robbins no I can't understand your accent Tony Robbins which brings us to what movie was he in Shallow how was he in another movie oh you don't remember him Shallow Hal he's the one who sets it all up remember Jack Black oh yeah and he meet meets Tony Robbins yes tell me something he goes but wasn't he in another movie Tony Robbins I don't know let's discuss the movies of Tony Robbins uh well I like the movie game we were just playing backstage so you go Tony Robbins takes us to shallow hell takes to Jack Black now you have to name another Jack Black movie Kung Fu Panda Kung Fu Panda who else was in Kung Fu Panda Angelina Julie o which brings us to Mr and Mrs what well you have the Mr Mrs what the hell is wrong with you come on Mr and Mrs well you know and who else was in that but uh Brad Brad P brings us to Burn After Reading I love the Cohen Brothers don't you you like that Burn After Reading I do too uh Francis mcdor but you know that brings us you can do if you do directors too you go to the Cohen Brothers which goes to serious man did you see that movie no I I recommend it highly right good uh highly we'll be right back in any case no no what are you talking about the um aren't you in a play I'm we should touch on that let's let's touch on it at length uh or at least briefly uh you gave it to me you offered it to me I I I don't know if you should drink this you're making up this is another one of your theatrical improv imagine a theatrical improv SK how dare you look at this wait a minute how about this new ring I don't believe you had this ring the last time I saw you I did I just don't wa on my finger often I don't know what that means uh see things that sound like they're dirty and people's dirty minds do the rest I see I see in any case what very nice very nice very clean you could be a dental hygienist I I can imagine you cleaning my teeth with those although let me have a look let me have a look at these days they put on the gloves you know what let me see oh I don't need to clean those suckers no they're my God aren they did you just have them done no I'm due for my every three months I go three months yes I like every three months do you sure yeah I got to be they say to me every 3 months to get my teeth cleaned but I don't go every 3 months because I find that dental hygienists are a bit rough you have to get the right one uh even though every time I go it seems I get a different one you know but you do have to get the right sometimes they can be rough they start with that banana uh you know um banana I'll go to you they give you a banana I guess you say something and people fill in their own dirty things I was I meant a banana like genuinely a banana I I I oh you've got fruit I've got fruit I don't think I've got any ban bring that out because I see a is that a star fruit what is that this now this is what now what is this you always get this in the hotel fruit basket but this is don't say hotel fruit basket like every one gets them not everyone's a movie actor of course oh don't you hate it when they give you the fruit basket with the fruit that you don't know what's in it come on man no come on I'm no Fancy Pants type even if you go to the Marriott you know the Courtyard Marriott don't they give Courtyard Marriott that's a Swanky hotel to many americ forgot it mind hey look at this little tiny little pineapple wait a second yeah perspective baby who's the Whopper now yeah that's funny uh oh this is like a bonsai you know but now why in the hell do you have p pineapple written on the bottom of it does anybody need to know that that's a pineapple who's that are you sure that's a pineapple it's a pineapple yeah who's that for now this I do need a little help oh I said am I right starf fruit yeah what say star fruit you win the prize I like that you ladies and gentlemen I like there you are it's almost like you've got a boring fruit basket out of the show I like that game show me another fruit and I'll tell you what it is all right then no you have to guess by fingering it with your eyes closed I like that game all right you ready reminds me when I was in France you know they have a game like that a lady comes out with a blindfold and there are three or it's either I did that on that show uh arur that's Ur show isn't it Ur sbag that's his show I did it you did yeah and they me you eat frogs no no I don't know what that is he said it was a show but either but either your girlfriend or your boyfriend is kind of naked to their you know panties and you have to go and you got a blindfold and they feel two people that aren't your mates and then you have to go oh that's my girlfriend or that's my boyfriend that's an interesting show isn't it isn't that what you were talking about is this a real thing well that's what you were going to do with me with the and then we going to talk about your play okay okay okay all right you have to guess what kind of fruit this is by touching it cuz you know what I like best about games not cheating okay really I I do right yeah yeah just a second oh wait a minute h you know oh you know what this feels like what does it feel like what the hell is the name of that thing wait a minute wait a minute it's my favorite it's my favorite fruit because if you if you um you scoop it oh it's this is a ripe one too so so much fruit depends on whether I'm not looking whether it's whether it's ripe you know you can get a pair you can't get a ripe pair these days have you noticed I took the lab off if that's what you're looking for I'm not looking at it you know what this you know what this it's not it's not called a pers s and wait a minute it's it's Mexican and it's it's inside it's a kind of a white kind of uh if you do it open it's white and it tastes like vanilla pudding is it a and I don't know cherya it's I I should have known that name it is exactly I highly recommend that it's a should I throw it out of there that's a chero that's a don't injure the lesbians from England they're notoriously litigious listen quickly uh okay let's get to this it's called seminar great we'll be right back with Jeff go everybody [Applause] we in the end the interviews it's my new thing seems I love it welcome back everybody we were having a deep conversation with Jeff Goblin about the uh the play that he's in uh what's it called again seminar yeah is it about a seminar perhaps that Tony Robbins is at or something forget Tony Robbins has nothing to do with Tony Robbins no it's a brilliant play by Teresa rebeck the brilliant uh writer who created Smash on television but a lot of wonderful other plays that people have enjoyed and admired uh through the years it was directed by the great Sam gold it's got it was on Broadway I did it there a little bit we're opening it here with a whole new cast aak cash and Lucas n buuga and Jennifer I I love Lucas n buuga you do yeah he's the cheremoya of actors what kind of fruit would you be if you were a fruit if I was a fruit I would be a banana obviously I guess so A T one of the tiny ones like the pineapple like the the Bonsai tiny one no a huge one I'm sure a huge one just a regular sized banana leans a bit to the left and and Greg Greg Keller is in it and Jennifer aita a fabulous I love her furniture the aita furniture that's the other it's is another iita okay in any case It's a Wonderful play we we we we previewed we started last Wednesday and we're doing it eight times a week we open officially this Wednesday and and what's it about those here's it's a boat it's a boat it's a boat um a CL yeah I love that accent in fact I'm what accident we talking about the hman hman uh it's about a uh a class once a week in this ladies apartment an upper wests side apartment up New York and me I teach novel writing fiction writing I'm a creative writing teacher and these are two guys and two gals who want to be serious novel writers so I give them a kind of group therapy do you get do you get nakedness well I have sex with the two ladies at the same time no come on man I don't want to give it away come on man what well it's not a play unless you do that I love this place we were talking about this place I I love it in fact well good because now you have to go I'm sorry Jeff you took a long time doing the fruit thing and now we're done we're out of time this is the most fun I've ever had in my whole life true or false definitely false uh I've got you one thing to take on your way it's uh it's just this little thing if you can guess what it is you can hold it in your hand okay don't give it oh you there you can hold it in your hand then well you know what this is what is it this brings me back to my childood oh God it's a crab apple Jeff go [Music] everybody [Music] [Applause] welcome back every welcome back it's an old picture of me dressed as a banana you had there did you keep that line around that's not creepy my next guest is very beautiful actress she stars in American Horror Story asylum Asylum at premier's Wednesday on the FX channel please welcome the adorable Sarah pson everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Sarah Oh Sarah wait Sarah what's this gold Blum gave it to me on my way out you're kidding me no what a jerk I gave him that he wasn't really impressed with it it's kind of tiny think it's about regular size isn't it all right you don't like crab apples then I don't know I sort of weirdly want to can I see that your cup can I see your cup oh my cup yeah just kind of want to like hang it here is that weird no that's all right you can do that how about in here yeah any anywh you want it baby hey wa that's now I have to go Duncan for this apple yeah no it's nice how are you you look great thank you I mean really nice like yeah and your hair is a lovely color this is real oh so the other time you were here was not real I see yeah it looked like the other time you had a lot of lemon juice and sunshine yes yes but no just a lot of bleach and well it's lovely though you should go with this it looks very nice thank you I'm going to do it you look very romantic I do yeah I do you really want to do this I do all right is that weird well no I no hey we do it again though okay that's your kissing face yes you're kidding me that's your kissing face do you want we should have a replay of this cuz you should know what your kissing face looks like do you have a do your kissing face right right now when you're going to kiss somebody this is what they see play it back that's terrible you should look right on the oh never mind I I think that probably answers why I'm single well look here's here's my kissing face okay do you think I like I like it have you ever been talking to someone like and you don't know that their kissing face is going to come to you and then they start doing their kissing face you're like no yeah I don't want to see it right is that like the talking and then the head goes to the side and you're like I thought we just chatting I right right and then have you ever I found myself in that situation well that's why you're married so yeah yeah I guess yeah so how are things anyway this scary thing the horror uh you look very trim do you know that you're very trim I'm uh dangerously manorexic oh are you I like what are your tips do you have any tips losing weight yeah yeah I mean you look like you're wearing your dad's suit you know what I mean like nice and big around your [Laughter] neck oh you're such fun I'd forgotten I hadn't really forgotten for it's like right here always always right right in my frontal Lo sure that's where I like to live so no well okay maybe a little bit uh the uh so the show yeah the freak I like this you like that you do that in the show I do I can't wait to see it a and people enjoy that they do right that's great they find it scary it's a it's very scary show much like this no you know no you think that's scary really it's great yeah okay good it's not scary at all I can handle it I think you know no that's scary yeah what happens in the show do you go nuts in an asylum and shoot up the joint or something I don't go nuts but a lot of things are um done to me horrible things is this like a 50 Shades of Gray thing we're talking about what even happens in that I don't know I'm like an ID you know I read a little bit of I got to say pretty good no the the writing uh I'm like come on this is done with a kid and a crayon but then but the and then I you know some of the ideas I was like oh I give that a shot it'smy yes little SNM yeah but low low grade you know no no anything big not the tough stuff no not not the hardcore you know not the stuff that really matters yeah yeah well do you have any sexual perversions or are you well not I'm saying it's a perversion do you have any peculiar sexual appetites do you like to dress up as a bee or something like that uh when you have sex you don't like bees I know everyone loved bees I'm afraid of bees really yeah I've never been stung knocking on wood in case it happens you think there are bees here there might be there could be listen you have a weird hi secretary but you've got a horse in here this is supposed to be your living room of sorts right it's a little weird is that you think that's the concept here this is my living room yeah and you forgot you forgotten to decorate the entire area no no it's I think it's a kind of a loft apartment where a creepy guy lives with his appliances with a horse a horse his Appliance uh what is with the rhinoceros I don't know well you know no we've never quite figured it out she just wants to be there yeah she's there and you know it's it's the I think what happens is every now and again see that uh bamboo there the bamboo yeah the bamboo you're the bamboo next to the pit are you making fun of my accent I am I really am the hell I'm sorry what the hell well bamboo is weird cuz it's bamboo oh bamboo bambo oh bamboo oh no it's bamboo bamboo Bamboo bamboo bambo Bamboo where's your accent from Tampa Florida bamboo Bamboo would to say bamboo Florida Honey Boo Boo I was going to say Honey Boo Boo well I I didn't because I thought you know that might not be your cup of tea well honey boo boo I actually have you watched that show I have yeah it's quite surprising it is you know you think oh this is terrible but actually these people seem rather lovely I think no don't you think I I don't you don't no I find them fascinating and and terrifying you make a American Horror Story and you think that they're o yeah what do they frighten you way well that little kid she's really she's funny man yeah very precous uh child what does she say what's that thing she says I don't know I haven't watch I like when you do that see when you do that and then do the kissing face that's gold girl gold man we're out of time you want to piece fruit oh you already got the crab apple but you dunked it in no but that was Goblin's crab apple you want another piece of fruit I do I got one of them pineapples sorry Little People pineapples here uh do you want to you want to try those I do you want me to try that I'll yeah I do you do yeah I'll do what you'd like then Craig well okay two of them oh no don't do that what are you stop it what are you 5 years old stop it what about that you want one of these yeah this is very weird this is like a football or like a thing what kind of thing are we talking about you know it could be a thing a sexy thing a sexy thing I've done a lot of weird I've done a lot of weird sexy things and I never go any near anything like this you ought to try it it's really awesome all right let's go t everybody right back [Music] I think I learned that when a cat gets stolen away by a bird of prey it comes back much smaller did you see that I saw that that's weird isn't it it was frightening good night [Music] everybody [Music] w

Channel: Late Late Show w/ Craig Ferguson Archive

Views: 154,871

Keywords:

Id: 7r8GhwBW8mk

Length: 39min 48sec (2388 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 06 2017