Kung Fu Fools Bullshido - Black Belch Edition - McDojo - Fake Martial Arts

hey folks welcome back so it's been a while I'm just gonna lean into this video and get myself warmed up with a large in charge lady named Big Bertha Gareth Eber thie has that I used to be a prison guard but was fired for undisclosed reasons type of vibe I'm guessing involved a bat a Bible and a whole lot of soap here she is demonstrating how to get away from a creepazoid if a game of patty cakes goes horribly wrong this way and underneath that way you can go this way underneath there either ways whatever you're feeling comfortable with another thing you can do is put your hands together open the door duck and go underneath and notice how her arms are getting all twisted up and I'm just going to take her down that direction giving me time to escape and yet a third is honestly I don't know if this technique could free kid from the grasp of an imaginary friend let alone some beady eyed trenchcoat predator look just look at that mug she's got the face only a waffle house manager could love in this tape we're gonna cover using points that can be activated by pressing rubbing or squeezing is it just me or does this video kind of sound like it's about to make a left turn and be more instructional about how to wanky your Yankee or pleasure the little man in the canoe I don't know in this table gonna cover using points that can be activated by pressing rubbing or squeezing this next guy couldn't be more italian-american if he was born in the back of a pizzeria named Tony pepperoni and had a pair of meatballs dangling from his Camaro this guy looks like the inspiration for pepper spray but let's see what kind of kung-fu pets quality parmesan he teaches when I squeeze this point his entire body is affected as opposed to when we squeeze one of the other ones where he was affected but just not quite in the same degree this particular point lung five is located on the thumb side of the arm below the elbow joint right in this spot the easiest way to find it is what I call the clock method we look at the circle and we make a clock one two three o'clock four o'clock Rock six o'clock twelve o'clock three o'clock eight o'clock seven o'clock here the clock rock buck and it's right about seven o'clock and we squeeze deep inside yeah yeah sure if he if you can't get it in into a good pressure point just shiatsu their arm for a bit maybe first apply some aromatherapy oils and put some pain flute music on with with the sound of a gentle stream in the background good news for the world because I'm a Smee Gnaeus that's like if two genie I and that supplier all four genius had a baby and it was very smart it would be a smart genius or as I told you a Smee Gnaeus and as everyone knows our brain works like a television and has channels so I've used mice meanness to build a machine that lets me view the channels inside someone's have mind now let's take a look at this guy's television spongebob what are you doing it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again so far I saw oh I don't mean good idea mythological hero a chalice yeah haha there's the culprit meanwhile in the dank dark depths of Mother Russia lived a former colonel named Mikhail Orry epic oh he's a true 99th degree blackbelt yeah I'm going there if you aren't sure what felch means please allow me to explain to felch is the act of slurping gooey gooey pocket rocket fuel out of a downtown brown Winker stinker AKA the quivering tunnel tudor town think of it like bubble tea but instead of squishy tapioca balls it's Dingle berries warm salty Dingle berries rehab Co looks like what happens when a pumpkin comes to life he's the Russian version of a Teletubby but at least I can understand what a Teletubby says goodbye and his class looks like a colorblind version of what not to wear I've seen hobos throughout better clothes half of them look pregnant with a cheeseburger baby I haven't seen weirder looking group of people since they walled up the basement at the asylum here he is putting kung-fu magic to the test when did suppressing the need to cry out in pain become a martial art and when did having a fat belly to absorb body shots become a way of self-defence I don't know it looks like some tears are being held back push it down push it down suppress suppress suppress the pain that guy is literally one punch away from asking for mommy holy turd cannons what bridge did this lumbering bull cut troll crawl out of he looks like someone who eats the skin off children and drinks tears to wash it down he looks like Russia did some horrible experiment on a member of ABBA and set him free into society go go kill or play music and what the f is with his track pants if he pulls him any higher it would signal to the world that a flood is coming or or maybe it would create some new form of metric measurement but alas he's just a big wuss who refuses to stand helplessly in defensively while street thug could pummel his stomach stand and do training of beaten up but let's see what other shirts of martial-arts wisdom he can pull out of his magic pajamas here he is forcing two men to confront their eternal love of cha-cha dancing when two cha-cha-cha three four jump jack fire yeah now maybe I'm just an eternal optimist because I'm so upbeat and so positive all the time but I think it's love at first dance I really do and I want to be the first to congratulate the couple and hopefully fingers crossed I get invited to the wedding and a REM Co is dressed in the finest Walmart camo money can buy tickling the thighs of his opponents and turning them into Weeble wobbles I don't say this very often I don't but I'd love to put on the red apples and go a few rounds with clown pants I'm not trained in the martial arts or boxing or anything like that but good news for me neither is he so I think I got a pretty good chance against them I mean I have more faith in the fighting skills of Colonel Sanders than Colonel riad Koch come on come on now all right let's move this on by I'm dr. John I'm Lafayette and we ran master tempo karate and the kids pre-black but I happen for the last 16 years and I'm also an expert on something called the amar our poison Tiananmen fingers dr. Jung please dr. John is more of a doctor than dr. John here nurse John is explaining the poison hand technique guy plays hand technique I knew a girl in college make that she could peel a pole vault and leave your zipper mouth rather than a sushi bar so we can take these fantastic gimmick points in these prayer points and use them in such a way that we can harm or we can heal for example that like hitting right here he's dead if I do it just the way I demonstrated I held his head so it couldn't go anywhere and then it came here and went through the hollow underneath the ear and I went here and I took out the brain stem now do you have to get it hard yeah something about like that you do them to what we call organ shots are to bone shots are to nerve plexus shots are to the other nine secret type of Dimock targets disrupted instantly oh great another sucker punch expert our two organs shots are two nerve shots r2d2 shots yes our two I believe master Jones mainframe is not functioning correctly and but I need a muscle shot over here why didn't one hurting that have I done it here that would have not been out probably killed it and Wow new discovery ladies and gentlemen smashing someone's jaw might knock them out especially if they're just standing there well what a champ and yes dr. John would probably kill them because he's a doctor obviously and knows how to give life and take life now what can I say about George dill pickle Gilman karate expert martial arts master suppose a friend of Bruce Lee and Muhammad Ali on official mascot of butter and a forty third-degree black belt in forty second black belt degrees of 90th black belts this guy looks more like a used underwear salesman than a martial artist the amount of BS Dylan has beautto at staying it's like everything he says is a fart nugget dipped in Bumba cue sauce and a restaurant made our manure I haven't seen this much crap come out of someone's mouth since looping two girls in one cup for 12 hours straight yeah but Dillman's real claim to fame is his magical ability to knock people out who who work for him by way of hitting pressure points or hadouken x' and being able to control an invisible energy G it flows throughout the body without it you don't function and it's a radio wave and he's able to drop just about anyone using applications of pressure to certain points along the body Gillman claims to have adapted this technique to where he can knock a person out without having to touch them yeah this hand will affect up on the head at the third eye in one corner weighing Walnut no more than 125 pounds is chemists Luigi Ghana Chevy he thinks he can stand up to a knockout punch of Chi because it doesn't exist in fact when we did the test on Luigi who was not ready to believe these things here Dillman will now explain why silly non-believer was he knocked out by a touchless knockout totally none believe it none believer Plus I don't know they should say that in film but if the guy has tongue in the wrong position of the mouth that can also nullify it yeah you can nullify it you can nullify a lot of things done to you think you can nullify them if you raise those two big toes if I say I'm gonna knock you out and you raise one toe and push one toe down can knock ya and then if I go to try again you reverse it if you keep doing this I won't knock ya ya folks it's that simple just to avoid getting knocked out by magical engine and energy move your tongue around in a wrong position in your mouth and point your toes that's that's it and the great thing about both Shino Masters is their ability to over explain everything here he is spending an hour and a half yes hour and a half explaining how he magically karate chops flimsy boards yeah I'm just gonna skip to the best parts if there is such a thing in a Delmond video much like my own videos the best part of a Dillman video usually is when it ends doesn't mean he can break what I can break I can teach you how to break almost anything I can teach you how to break some things that I don't necessarily break I have students that do it I taught them how for instance I have a student that was breaking balloons I had a student out in Ohio known all over that section for breaking coca-cola bottles coca-cola bottles of beer bottles look better than my breaking thousands of pounds ice he's put his hand between two coca-cola bottles and cut them both in half the bottles to go I don't do that one I taught him how I can do that but you have to prepare for each breath would being a conductor means I have to pass through it I cannot do this to one and break it maybe one board because it's weak it might go and by the way I say that because to sum up a board might fall in half for the things that I have to tell you the difference between wooden cement and glass people always ask me about glass glass breaks with speed I had an instructor that used to rip the top off just like bones take a 75 watt 5 watt light bulb or hunter Watt and hit it with the fingertips and just rip the top off to show how fast you can move in the damage you could do with his fingertips the vibrations felt throughout the block it actually goes into here and goes down the back all within that much of a second faster than the speed of light and I can use this as an example and not you look at it bouncing see it bounce watch that it bounces it absorbs shock if I got you out here now we finally cracked one but I think that was weak anyway so they Dillman's talking has put more people to sleep than nyquil and mother Goose combined meanwhile in the soft fluffy mind of a seven-year-old Finnish boy who stayed up past his bedtime dressed in Steven Seagal pajamas and who just been watched kung fu movies while eating dumplings lived an imaginary man named you gallon bla I think that's how you pronounce it I don't speak Finnish but Yuka can not only build IKEA furniture without looking at the instructions jealous anyone but he can also do anything a little boy can imagine just watch and you'll be in a world of pure imagination [Music] [Music] [Music] let's continue this torture train of kung fools were taken a peek at the ghost blade gang who are only slightly less tough than the scooby-doo gang here we can learn how to unsuccessfully collect firewood or fight off a deadly tree attack either way it's it's it's win-win at least for the tree and now pay attention all you parents this next part is for you this will show you how to take away your child's toy gun if he gets a little rowdy but a Bing but a boom now our house is safe from imaginary gunfire all is well and if you're still hanging on to my hats off to you last on the hit list is master guy savelii and his long Duk dong drill the killer thriller technique this maneuver has more awkward touching in it than a casting call with Kevin Spacey just watch a second let's see that again pressure point number 31 the from under point number 83 that showed number 44 the phlegm number eight nine six two nine three three the upper left nipple quadrant and the don't tickle me there Elmo pressure point and to finish him off some sort of bizarre back Pat that explodes his heart or something I don't know well that's it that's all folks hope the vid was worth the wait my apologies and if it wasn't worth the wait you can take it up with our complaints Department just phone [Music]

Channel: FartNSniff

Views: 575,021

Keywords: kung fu, kung fu fools, kung fools, martial arts, bullshito, martial arts fail, kung fu fail, karate, funny kung fu, funny martial arts, funny, fake martial arts, fake kung fu, bad martial arts, bad kung fu, george dillman, mikhail ryabko, systema, jukka lampila, pressure points, knockout, fake knockout, funny knockout

Id: t7aDSfoIzB4

Length: 17min 42sec (1062 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 27 2019