>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM
"SILICON VALLEY." HE ALSO WROTE AND STARS IN THE NEW FILM "THE
BIG SICK," WHICH IS GETTING A TON OF CRITICAL ACCLAIM. PLEASE WELCOME KUMAIL NANJIANI! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HEY! COME ON UP HERE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT LOOK, MAN. IT'S A VERY CLEAN, VERY CRISP
LOOK YOU'VE GOT THERE. FANTASTIC. >> THANK YOU. I'M THE FIRST PERSON ON THE SHOW
THAT DONALD TRUMP, JR. DOESN'T FOLLOW ON TWITTER. I ACTUALLY CHECKED. I GOT EXCITED. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I CHECKED AND FOUND OUT I WAS FOLLOWED. MAYBE AFTER TONIGHT HE WILL. >> WELL, I'M GOING TO TWEET AT
HIM. >> Stephen: YOU DEFINITELY
SHOULD. >> HEY, CAN I GET A FOLLOW BACK. THANKS, DUDE. >> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO END
WITH THE THANKS, DUDE. GOT TO KEEP THIS NICE. >> GOT TO BE POLITE, YEAH. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. I LOVE YOUR SHOW SO MUCH. IT'S BEEN GOOD. >> Stephen: AND I LOVE YOUR
SHOW SO MUCH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I LOVE "SILICON VALLEY." WE GO WAY BACK. MY SHOW WAS THE FIRST TV SHOW
YOU WERE ON, IS THAT RIGHT? >> THAT'S CORRECT. >> Stephen: WHERE AMERICA MET
YOU IS YOU CAME OUT FROM UNDERNEATH MY DESK. EIGHT OR NINE YEARS LATER YOU
HAVE A NEW MOVIE CALLED "THE BIG STICK." >> YEAH. >> Stephen: YOU WROTE IT, YOU
STAR IN IT AND -- WHERE'S MY CUT? >> I HAVE BEEN SENDING YOU 20%
FOR EIGHT YEARS. >> Stephen: OH. YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE MONEY? >> Stephen: I'M SURE COMEDY
CENTRAL IS CASHING THE CHECK. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: YOU AND YOUR WIFE EMERY WROTE "THE BIG STICK." TELL THE CROWD WHAT IT'S ABOUT. >> IT'S BASED ON THE FIRST YEAR
OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS, WHILE WE WERE FIRST DATING AND
MY PARENTS WANTED TO GET AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE MARRIED TO A
PAKISTANY WOMAN. >> Stephen: LIKE THEY'D PICK
THE GIRL? >> YEAH, YEAH, THEY'D PICK THE
GIRL. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU'VE HEARD THE PHRASE, ARRANGED MARRIAGE? >> Stephen: YEAH. BUT IT'S A --
>> WE'RE STILL AT IT. >> Stephen: OKAY. DIDN'T KNOW. DIDN'T KNOW. GO AHEAD. ( LAUGHTER )
>> BUT EMILY AND I STARTED DATING. WHEN WE WERE FIRST DATE AGO FEW
MONTHS IN, SHE FELL INTO A COMA -- IT'S A COLDY, I PROMISE. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: HOW LONG WAS SHE IN A COMA? >> SHE WAS IN A COMA EIGHT DAYS. I HUNG OUT WITH HER PARENTS. I DIDN'T ACTUALLY KNOW THEM TUN
THEN. THERE THEY ARE. YOU SEE THEM? HI! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. WELCOME BUT SHE'S FINE --
>> IT'S A COMEDY. IT REALLY IS, I PROMISE YOU. IT SOUNDS LIKE A NOT COLDY, BUT
IT IS A COMEDY. >> Stephen: I BELIEVE YOU. HE'S DOING GREAT. SHE'S CRUSHING IT. >> Stephen: OKAY. POILER ALERT, SHE COMES OUT
OF A COMA. >> Stephen: EIGHT DAYS. A LITTLE COMA. >> I DON'T KNOW, FELT QUITE LONG
AT THE TIME, STEPHEN. EIGHT DAYS FELT LIKE A SIZABLE
LENGTH FOR A COMA. FOR ME, IDEAL IS ZERO. >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE. THAT'S TRUE. ( APPLAUSE )
>> I THINK THAT'S SORT OF THE BEST, YEAH. >> Stephen: OKAY. SO I UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A CLIP
HERE. WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS CLIP? >> I HAVE TO SET UP THE CLIP. SO, IN THE MOVIE, BY THIS POINT,
SO EMILY'S IN THE COMA AND HER PARENTS ARE HERE, AND EMILY AND
I JUST HAD A VERY CONTENTION BREAKUP, AND HER PARENTS KNOW
ABOUT IT. SO THEY KIND OF DON'T WANT ME TO
BE AT THE HOSPITAL ANYMORE, THEY WANT ME TO GO. >> Stephen: YOU HAD A BREAKUP
BEFORE SHE WENT INTO THE COMA? >> YEAH, SHE WENT INTO THE COMA
AND I SAID, THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT --
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: FUNNY, KIND OF
FUNNY. >> I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT GETTING
MUCH BACK RIGHT NOW. ( LAUGHTER )
I'M DOING THESE JOKES, YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING AT ALL. ( LAUGHTER )
SO I'VE SORT OF BEEN HANGING AROUND THE HOSPITAL. THEY WANT ME TO LEAVE. I WON'T LEAVE. WHAT YOU SEE IS THIS IS THE
FIRST CONVERSATION WE FINALLY HAVE WHERE I FINALLY SIT WITH
THEM TO EAT AND IT'S BEEN A COUPLE OF DAYS, AND MY CHARACTER
IS A GUY WHO, LIKE, MAKES THE WRONG JOKE ALL THE TIME. HE'S NOT GOOD WITH HIS FEELINGS,
SO HE TRIES TO DEFLECT IT WITH JOKES. >> Stephen: MM-HMM. RAY ROMANO AND HOLLY HUNTER
PLAY THEM. >> Stephen: NICE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
VERY NICE. >> AND, SO --
>> Stephen: AND THIS IS YOU EATING DINNER TOGETHER. >> LUNCH AT THE HOSPITAL
CAFETERIA. THIS IS OUR FIRST CONVERSATION
TOGETHER. >> Stephen: JIM. O, UH, 9/11 --
( LAUGHTER ) NO, I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT WITH -- PEOPLE. >> YOU'VE NEVER TALKED TO PEOPLE
ABOUT 9/11? NO. WHAT'S YOUR STANCE? >> WHAT'S MY STANCE ON 9/11? OH, ANTI. WE LOST 19 OF OUR BEST GUYS. ( LAUGHTER )
PRIVATE JOKE, OBVIOUSLY. 9/11 WAS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY. >> WHY DO YOU JOKE ABOUT IT? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> I WANT TO SAY THAT THAT IS NOT WHAT MY WONDERFUL FATHER IN
LAW ASKED ME WHEN WE FIRST SPOKE. >> Stephen: OKAY. HE WARMED UP TO IT. ( LAUGHTER )
I'M JOKING. HE NEVER ASKED ME THAT. >> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT YOUR
FOLKS? THEY'RE DEPICTED IN THE MOVIE,
TOO, I ASSUME? >> YEAH, THEY'RE VERY EXCITED. THE PERSON WHO PLAYS MY DAD IN
THE MOVIE, HE'S A BOLLYWOOD LEGEND. HE'S, LIKE, ROBERT De NIRO OF
INDIA. THIS WAS HIS 500th PHILLIP
HE'S IN. I JUST SAW HIM TWEET YESTERDAY. SAID JUST COMPLETED MY 510t
510th FILM. I SAID, YOU DID 10 FILMS? I HAVEN'T SEEN 10 FILMS SINCE
THEN. I ASKED MY DAD, WHO DO YOU WANT
TO PLAY YOU? AND WE WERE ABLE TO GET THE AC
INTEREST AND MY DAD VISITED THE SET AND THEY GOT A PICTURE
TOGETHER AND A WEEK LATER MY DAD CALLED ME AND SAID, I PUT IT ON
Facebook. I'M UP TO 92 LIKES. ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HE'S BLOWING UP. HE'S BLOWING UP. >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. THANKS FOR BEING HERE. "THE BIG STICK" IN THEATERS THIS
FRIDAY.
