Kol Nidre Nussbaum Sanctuary Service

[Music] [Music] [Music] do do [Music] [Music] do [Music] do [Music] [Music] do [Music] oh oh [Music] oh [Music] is [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] foreign oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] it is truly an honor to welcome you here this evening as we step into this most sacred and solemn day i want to welcome those who are here praying with us in person those who are with us virtually we pray that the essence of the day enters all of our hearts wherever we are praying from i'd like to say a few special words of welcome los angeles mayor eric garcetti it is truly an honor and a privilege to have you here thank you for choosing to pray with us tonight it means so very much we want to wish you masaltov and all the best we will miss you but we want to wish you all the best in your new position someday i'll tell you about a classmate of mine who has a student led services in india and i know they'll be wonderful rich experiences for you like to welcome assemblyman richard bloom it's an honor to have you here as well along with our very good friends from la voice yvonne figueroa reverend zach hoover uh and again just welcome to everybody it's an honor to be here with all of you our ark is open that is the tradition on colney dre in just a few minutes the torah scrolls will be walked into the room and they will be eventually placed in the ark there is a tradition that in addition to having the scrolls serve as witnesses for cole nidre this is also as you know the day in which we confront our mortality so one tradition is to look into that open ark as if it were an empty casket and be reminded of the shortness of our lives and the urgency with which we must live them rabbi jonathan sachs writes teshuva means i can take risks knowing that i may fail but that failure is not final time and again moses failed to engender in his people a clear sense of history and destiny even basic gratitude but failing a hundred times does not make a failure in god's eyes none of us is a failure so long as we have one more breath to breathe life in us teshuva means that from every mistake i grow without a designated day would we ever get around to mending our broken relationships often we don't want to tell people who have heard us that they have because we don't want to look vulnerable or small-minded or in the opposite direction we are reluctant to apologize because we feel so guilty we can be so sorry that we find ourselves incapable of saying sorry then comes this day of atonement that makes the idea of saying sorry look it looked like it came from somewhere else the in that it is indicative of neither the perpetrator or the victim so cathartic is this day of atonement says rabbi sachs it's a pity that there should be only one of them a year these are the transformations of yom kippur a renewed relationship with ourselves with those we love and with god may it be so for us we're going to dim the lights now as the torahs enter the room before they come in our teen leaders will be bringing in lights representing the spiritual light of these high holy days and the light of our jewish future [Music] [Music] is [Music] [Music] is [Music] is [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] please rise [Music] i am here i am here i stand before the open ark and the eternal scrolls of our people dressed in white light i stand ready to enter into the high holy days to offer prayers that urge me to live better kinder ever present to the pain of others to become a compassionate vessel trustworthy holding hope in the midst of despair henani i am here i am here i stand on the edge between earth and heaven between what i know and what i can never understand between life and life everlasting mortality hovers a riffling rippling presence always there lingering waiting holding i am here i am here i stand resilient determined though i have been taken down forced to live a different way the rhythm of life has been altered time unfolds and morphs expands and stands still i've been called to be present to pay attention what have i learned what have i done with the time i have been given glorious time of never ending possibility have i squandered the beauty the radiance of life and offering to my inner being who am i where have i gone astray am i worthy to pray with my people may i be worthy to pray with my people hear my plea grant me faith courage and wisdom to enter into khashoggish the fragility and humility of self-examination henani i am here i am here may this fractured heart soften so that it can hold love and compassion in a way it has never before he i am here [Music] [Music] is [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] i don't know [Music] [Laughter] is [Laughter] [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] show oh [Music] in the sight of god and of the congregation no matter how far some of us may have transgressed by departing from our people and our heritage we pray as one on this night of repentance the yeshiva by the authority of all who congregate above and by all who congregate on earth with the permission of the omnipresent one and by the consent consent of this congregation we accept all who seek to pray or to engage in self-reflection self-evaluation and self-judgment along with all those who have done wrong [Music] so [Music] me [Music] um [Music] [Music] hmm [Music] so [Music] so [Music] so so [Music] um me [Music] me [Music] mmm foreign [Music] [Laughter] [Music] um [Music] so [Music] see [Music] all vows bonds devotions promises obligations penalties and odes wherewith we have vowed sworn devoted and bound ourselves from this day of atonement to the next day of atonement they had come to us for good all these we repent us of them they shall be absolved released annulled made void and of no effect they shall not be binding nor shall they have any power our vows shall not be vows our bonds shall not be bonds and our oaths shall not be oaths [Music] hmm [Music] [Music] this [Music] see [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] lord [Music] is [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] she [Music] highly [Music] need [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] oh [Music] [Music] [Music] it's my pleasure to call on our executive director our friend zach lasker to please light the candles while he's working on that i'll tell you it's his birthday [Music] oh [Music] is [Music] shall we [Music] we'll be up in another minute but if you'd like to take a seat i'd like to invite you to please introduce yourself to the folks around you wish them a chanatova and a quick reading [Music] okay rabbi chernow said it would be a quick minute so now we're standing again this time you can open your maksarim we're on page 127 for bharaju [Music] ah [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] where [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] um [Music] m [Music] me growing up as a new york city kid and a daughter of a civil engineer i was taught to be in wonder and awe of the beauty of suspension bridges he always pointed them out to me look michelle and i recently learned that the brooklyn bridge which was the longest suspension bridge in the world when it opened in 1883 had a really dramatic history that i never knew about as a kid though it was designed by john augustus roebling he died and then his son washington had to take over but then washington got the benz and then his wife emily had to take over and she completed the project and i thought what a metaphor for each of our lives john never saw the bridge completed washington was sick and had to stay in bed and emily was able to finally put closure to her family's vision we can never complete everything we wish we could part of what yom kippur reminds us of is to focus on doing what we can do changing what we can change and surrounding us with people who can help us along the journey mihamoja page 128. [Music] is [Music] [Music] please [Music] [Music] oh [Music] is me [Music] oh [Music] [Music] god [Music] [Music] age 129 [Music] hello [Music] my [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] no [Music] know [Music] shalom [Music] bless you [Music] we're here it's called nidre we're about to rise for the first amidah of yom kippur and we know makura haim source of life that shiva the turning and repentance isn't a time machine it doesn't undo what happened in the past some wounds heal and some are profoundly irreversible help us to work on forgiving but not forgetting help us to soften our hearts and our souls toward ourselves and others so we can walk through the gates of chuva together page 131 we rise [Music] [Music] oh [Music] ah [Music] my [Music] [Music] [Music] um [Music] foreign [Music] before [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] um [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] we continue on our own through the amidah [Music] is [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] the high holidays offer each of us an opportunity to reflect upon moments from this past year when we missed the mark moments we'd like to have back if possible our moxor the high holiday prayer book you're holding now it provides us with some words that we can say aloud within the safe space of community even when we as individuals may not personally relate to the words on the page working to repair our shortcomings and the wrongs that we have committed it's a timeless and meaningful endeavor of this season and we invited our community temple israel of hollywood to offer moments from this past year when we have missed the mark and so during moments of public confession throughout our yom kippur services the clergy will include these anonymous offerings as we believe that the power of the personal will elevates the collective experience of chuva we rise and we join together on page 138. [Music] [Laughter] [Music] foreign [Music] oh [Music] [Music] [Music] oh [Music] [Music] of me [Music] ah [Music] [Music] [Music] we read together in the english the middle of page 138 our god our ancient god may our prayer come before you hide not from our supplication for we are not so insolent and stubborn as to say here in your presence holy one god of our fathers and mothers we are righteous and we have not sinned for we indeed have sinned [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] is russians [Music] oh [Music] three together at the bottom we have all committed offenses together we confess these human sins the sins of arrogance bigotry and cynicism of deceit and egotism flattery and greed hatred injustice and jealousy some of us kept grudges were lustful malicious narrow-minded others were obstinate possessive quarrelsome rancorous or selfish we callously used others there was violence weakness of will xenophobia we yielded to temptation and showed zeal for bad causes for the wrong we have committed against you under [Music] or unconsciously [Music] [Music] in our [Music] and for the wrong we have committed against you by the abuse of power [Music] for the wrong we [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] in any way [Music] we're missing some of my fitness classes not being super organized and spending more time on being perfectly i would like a second chance for the times i was unnecessarily rude and or made false accusations too often i let my wanting to be right get in the way of my wanting to connect i would like to repair damage i've done in relationship by practicing listening without ego i don't talk to my father often enough we love our conversations and i know it makes his day i yelled at my son who has anxiety because i couldn't handle his breakdowns i've certainly missed the mark financially and it causes me a lot of grief i hope i pray that god grants me number one financial maturity and the patience to replace my fear and number two gratitude i hope to regularly recognize that i am loved i constantly judge others and myself and i need to work on loving and understanding more [Music] oh [Music] for them all god of forgiveness please forgive us pardon us and help us atone you may be seated and we turn to page 144 for keanu america [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] rabbi shalom noah beradovsky also known as nitivo shalom maintained that even though many of us are convinced that we genuinely want to repent most of us actually lack the courage it takes so he explained with a parable he said the task of a person who wants to repent is like someone who is building an elaborate house on the foundation of rubble if we're unwilling to invest the money and the effort required to build a solid foundation the wood building will be unsustainable cracks will appear again and again and yeah we'll spend time fixing them fixing each of the latest cracks but more cracks will inevitably appear so the house remains perpetually in danger of collapse to have the courage he said to destroy the whole structure of the house and dig deep with a strong foundation that's the courage it takes now the idea of tearing down our personal buildings is pretty jarring but if we do it well it can be done with extreme care and gentle hands unless we have the courage to turn inward and ask what it is that makes us jealous and petty and competitive and unforgiving we won't change in a deep and enduring way avinu malcanu help us dig deep page 145 we rise [Music] hear our voice spare us show us your compassion [Music] let this hour be an hour of compassion and a time of acceptance in your presence give strength and vision to your people israel avenue remember those slain for their love of your name avinu malkenu assay le maan remember those who went through fire and water for your sake be mindful of us and help removed from all your children disease war famine exile and destruction avinu malcanuco inscribe us in the book of forgiveness and reconciliation aveeno malcano quote vainuba safer hayim tovim inscribe us for blessing in your book for life of goodness avinu malcanu venus inscribe us in the book of redemption and freedom avinu malkenu be gracious with us and respond to us for we have too few good deeds place in our hearts the inspiration and will to act righteously gently and lovingly and bring us meaning and salvation oh [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] rabbi joseph sullivan begins one of his enduring philosophical works with these words i will speak so that i may find relief for there is a redemptive quality for an agitated mind in the spoken word and a tormented soul finds peace in confessing the nature of my dilemma can be stated in a three-word sentence i am lonely his book is called lonely man of faith and i'm taking the liberty of updating concepts because they don't only apply to men and they don't only apply to those who define themselves by faith my read on his thesis is that if you are a seeking searching person you will sometimes find this world to be a very lonely place salvation grounds is teaching in the book of genesis which tells two different stories of the creation of humanity he reads those stories as if they're two separate narratives altogether one of adam the first he calls him and one of adam ii he sees in those stories introductions to two types of human existence two ways of being in the world adam the first in this reading is intelligent capable and driven to achieve placed in the garden of eden to fill the earth and conquer it he sees a wild messy world and wants to put it to use how does the cosmos function he asked he asks so that he can understand it and harness it for good adam the first drive is what brings us science technology innovation even the arts and literature all areas of productivity a few years back columnist david brooks put his own gloss on this concept adam the first lives to build what he calls resume virtues think for a moment about the adjectives you would most like to come through on your resume smart motivated adept decisive passionate thoughtful creative and so on the mandate of adam ii on the other hand is to cultivate the garden and protect it he approaches the world with humility awe and admiration he wants to know why the cosmos exist what am i doing in it what purpose am i here to serve he's interested in matters of the soul in david brooks's terms adam ii is working all the time on what he calls eulogy virtues now consider the character traits you most hope people will share about you when you are not available to hear it ethical generous insightful brave forgiving compassionate gracious a major difference between the two atoms is their approach to relationships adam the first is not cold or callous but there's a pragmatic side to relationships for him he has read all the social science on how much more we can accomplish when we have partners and co-creators in our work he is all in on that adam ii longs for something deeper he seeks redemption through relationships it's only in the second creation account that we read it is not good for the human being to be alone salvation describes the inner life of the seeker of adam ii as a wondrous unique and incommunicable reality we struggle to figure out how to share that with anyone else it's only in the existential community he says that we will hear not just the rhythmic sound of the production line but the rhythmic rhythmic beat of hearts starved for existential companionship existential companionship i think that's one of the great jewish projects ensuring that we meet each other soul to soul whenever possible personal growth has to be just that personal no one else can do the work for us but when we're on the path we encounter others along the way and we can share something truly extraordinary when we share the existential world of adam ii i want to talk about three ways that the jewish tradition facilitates and deepens our existential companionship first one of the roots of adam the second's loneliness is his tragic role as a temporal being for all of us that's also known as the awareness that we exist for only a brief moment in time our mortality is a central message of this day and it's a difficult reality but says our tradition don't limit companionship to this narrow window of time for companions reach into the past and into the future find teachers who lived long ago their stories are all over our texts find one who mastered a quality that you admire but can't quite get the hang of find another one who made the very same mistake you just made yesterday find a fading picture of your great grandfather and a love letter he wrote read it like a sacred text that's what it is tap into the community of existential seekers who came before you and feel the presence of those who are yet to come our physical lives are bound by limits in time but our spiritual lives are not i'll never forget the time when my oldest malila was an infant i can picture the exact spot on the couch where i was leaning back and she was asleep on my chest you can feel it can't you that sweet baby breathing in and out in and out our chest rising and falling as one i suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of generations my grandmother and great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother i'm telling you it's like they were in the room the two of us just took our place in line we felt their love and their blessing another moment i'll never forget was when cara and i signed our wills we walked from the lawyer's office into the hot arizona courtyard and i was surprised by this feeling of joy i was elated to have taken care of something that i will not see manifest i couldn't believe how good that felt for split seconds here and there we get to touch the future and the past think big says our tradition and think past the limits of your own lifespan look back and look forward there is existential companionship waiting for you second make a point of needing each other one of my rabbis once said to me there is great spiritual value in asking for help and from the other side i will tell you about the time that a new colleague moved into town in arizona she's very smart and very capable and i was threatened by that until she sent me an email asking for my help i was disarmed in seconds and we've been friends ever since sebastian junger writes human humans don't mind hardship in fact they thrive on it what they mind is not feeling necessary modern society has perfected the art of making people feel unnecessary or the words words of marge piercy the pitcher cries for water to carry and a person for work that is real we have this irrepressible urge to help we have this irrepressible urge to matter in the midst of the pandemic and last year's very tense election an elementary school teacher in new york established a hotline called just scream mr golmar listened to every single one of the 120 000 calls that came in people called in to scream and vent and sometimes sing there were a lot of renditions of the opening line of the lion king but that's another story isn't it fascinating that all these people had a need to express something that would be witnessed by a total stranger and then you know what happened people started leaving messages of hope support and love you're going to be okay take care of yourself you're beautiful there was no one on the other line in need but people couldn't help themselves they had something they wanted to give and they wanted to give it now in the talmud's words more than the calf wants to suckle the cow wants to nurse that's not about physiology that's about being valued and making a meaningful contribution that's the reason that judaism's vote our commandments endure we'll talk theology and levels of religious observance another time but the idea is that we have serious responsibility toward others in our community have you ever gotten a call because you're needed as the tenth person in a minion so that someone can say kaddish it's very powerful to know that someone else can't pray someone else can't mourn unless i show up visiting the sick celebrating couples getting married burying those who have died these are not just good ideas i mean they are good ideas but in our tradition they're also non-negotiable obligations and when we show up especially in these moments that are real and transformative we can't help but forge existential companionship and third and finally radical acceptance of our flawed human selves come with me on a brief detour through the central ritual in tonight's service call nidre the text of col nidre releases us from any vows we will make between tonight and next yom kippur which makes it sound like it's about making promises we don't plan to keep and letting ourselves off the hook before we even try but that's only the surface reading many great writers and thinkers have rested deeper meaning out of cole nidre my favorite is a poem written by merle feld the relief we seek she says is not from vows we make to one another rather it is from the public persona we work so hard to maintain all the time this is the one space where we can finally let down that guard her poem called col nidre reads i am grateful for this a moment of truth grateful to stand before you in judgment you know me as a liar and i am flooded with relief to have my darkest self exposed at last every day i break my vows to be the dutiful child selfless parent caring friend responsible citizen of the world no one sees no one knows how often i take the easy way i let myself off the hook give myself the benefit of the doubt every day every day on this day this one day i stand before you naked without disguise without embellishment i implore you let me try again the third strategy for existential companionship is forgiveness which is what we're here to do merle feld uses this night to acknowledge that we all have parts of ourselves we shove away into a deep dark corner and she's brave enough to nudge the light switch just enough to let in some light what if god what if those who are on the existential journey with us saw what's in there and nonetheless accepted and embraced us that's why we put ourselves through this every year so that even as we strive to improve we can be seen exactly as we are and we can be loved nonetheless we are all of us lonely people of faith or certainly lonely people in search of meaning we are all on the road to character we are all developing our resumes and trying to become the people we would like described in our eulogies let's see if we can find each other out there let's see if we can meet soul to soul in sacred companionship ah [Music] do [Music] we turn out to page 149 as we begin to conclude our service with eleno we invite all those who are able to rise [Music] is [Music] [Music] oh [Music] now [Music] we remain standing as we turn now to memory to those who we have lost either this year and years past at this season or just someone we're holding on to right now if there is someone you are remembering we invite those who are comfortable to share their name out loud or to hold them close at this time thank you we hold all of these memories close and we offer khadija tome on page 151 together to support those who are remembering as well as to offer these words for those who have no one to say it for them is amen [Music] oh [Music] peace [Music] is [Music] oh [Music] [Music] oh [Music] please [Music] may the one me the one the last [Music] we appreciate all of you helping us keep this room as coveted safe as we possibly can we'll ask you to continue doing that throughout young poor a word of gratitude to my dear partners in creating prayer on this bhima and to those behind the scenes and behind the cameras and doing just so very much work together thank you we will begin tomorrow morning at ten o'clock the sanctuary service here in this room the minion in uh the chapel and we will be here praying throughout the day we wish wish you a meaningful ma fast a meaningful fast and khatimotovot [Music] is [Music] my [Music] i shall not fear [Music] my [Music] is [Music] see you tomorrow thank you [Music]

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Length: 119min 0sec (7140 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 15 2021