At 9 And 12, They Look After Their Parents And Siblings | Our Lives: Young Carer | Real Families

[Music] Jenny and Louise look after their four younger brothers day in day out they're expected to take on the work and some of the responsibilities of being a parent because their mom and dad Paul and Amanda are blind and disabled my mum and dad at those blind I'm 9 my big sister Louise is 12 coming on 13 my brother Daniel is 6 coming on 7 my brother Matthew is free coming on for my brother Richard is 2 and Nigel's 8 months it's when did you first learn that you were a young carer well my mum and dad sat me down when I was about friend tell me they're both blind and that I need to help out and now I told him that beady eyes for both of them Paul and Amanda are fiercely independent and don't want the family to rely on other adults or social services regardless of the burden this place is on their eldest two children it's their choice that Jenny and Louise pull their weight in a large family and they were happy to show us how young carers can help run a home how do you feel when your long days all tied and then I just know I have to start helping out in the morning I don't have to do I have to make the boys their breakfast get the wipes and all the plays and the nappy oh and that's Eric and then after I drink it was she dressed get my little brother's ready for a walk out to school that's quite a lot to do before 8 o'clock in the morning hmm do you mind doing it for the last seven years louise has juggled the demands of her parents growing family with her schoolwork Paul keeps up with her progress Louise is a sensible polite student who is always willing to help I am delighted with the effort Louise put into every aspect of school life yeah I think the school has sadly put Louise in the top 40 most intelligent year sevens in the whole school and it was about two hundred year sevens there the children's mom Amanda suffers from congenital cataracts she can only really see things when they're very close up she drops him it's more then help her find it and she has trouble sometimes to buy from the boys and doing in every seven time making the but always in cooking do you feel sorry for your mom yeah because she can't see really well when you can't cause you don't know what's really going on Amanda it must be times like this that you're grateful for Jenny and Louise yeah I'll do the great job well normal parent can do when you come home from school what jobs do you have to do make that tea it's mums washing I get the washing up the dryer they like play on the basket don't you and make the bottles do boys nappy help them make them they'll go to sleep at night the wedding photos from when myself and Amanda got married nearly 13 years ago first one is Amanda signing your life away we got married on the proudest moments of my life that Paul suffered a brain hemorrhage when he was a baby which virtually destroyed his sight under to marry me I have inspectors they know happy said yes he met Amanda to blind school when they were teenagers myself Amanda together couldn't quite tell she was pregnant than ever she's about five months were you pleased I'm over the moon I'd always wanted to be a father do you like the day-to-day managing of a household do you enjoy that yeah it's been challenged Amanda's mom never wanted mom did have children anyway she loves never cope with one on the way just three months ago Amanda discovered she was pregnant with her seventh child and the baby Jews 26th of November you excited yep I wanted to speak out but my sister wants it to be a boy she's better to me it's gonna be a boy but my mom thinks it's gonna be a girl what proved to people you know we can do it some people make assumptions and you decide well you've got the ability you won't do it as far as I'm concerned doctor was really to prove you know the critic wrong isn't it [Music] [Applause] you know Nigel's asleep on floor yeah do you want to leave him or does he just stay there it stops no no probably distract him [Music] I swear it's cool forms you wouldn't move them into his car later in the day we probably would do yeah at least down here we know where he is we can keep hiring something I mean it was we've been a darker color carpeting Nigel's in you know lightest color clover you can see him there okay [Music] put it in the bin man we got fish cake here now commander and Paul can't do many things most of us take for granted they can't see to cook or to drive a car Louise's jobs include collecting supper by bike Amanda was one of eight children and Paul one of six and they've always wanted a large family of their own I enjoy having a big family so much they mean a lot to me the children what do you like about having lots of children around there is my life having lots of children around so they can help us when we get older and we've always said you know having a big family when we get old ourselves you know if we can't do things ourselves properly or we get incapacitated in any way you know the more children have got the more there is to help out we don't have to rely on just one and it's not a burden on just one child I normally go to bed about seven o'clock and what do you do when you put Nigel down do you read him a story or do you play with him the boys normally come and play with him so you just put him down and just say good night yeah would you give him a kiss dad do normally give him a cuddle did you give him a hug sometimes what do you mean you're not that sort of person you don't like hugs like cuddles [Music] and a Mandarin Paul are proud of the way they're handling their growing family they're happy that their daughters work hard at home despite being offered more help from social services they only accept two hours cleaning a week this means that at weekends Jenny and Louise are rarely off-duty [Music] laughs you sit up sit on Matt pass it up its mouth bellowed we could slip and is that something you would normally deal with yeah might want to deal with that no she can't see where the cut is properly amantha yes when Matthew fell over and cut his lip yes is that something Louise would normally deal with rather than you you should it's a bit difficult for me to see where the blood is so as well as Louise such a help and will you want to go and check on Matthew I like to go check with Matthew make sure his lips okay can we film you doing that oh that's a lot better now there's a lot better do you feel you're like a mother to your younger brothers not really especially not my sister how do you feel about your sister and don't like her because I share a room with her Norma actually as always but isn't about my telling DVD player you don't have much private space away from her no table with them okay yeah God thank you for the wonderful fruit and vegetables with indoor gym each day Oh men why do you hit her cause she's always winding me up the first and all that thing gets my nose and the only way to shut her up is Hitler did you hit her every day not every day the children don't use plates to save on washing up sometimes they'll get on brilliant absolutely fantastic and other times you'll find that cat and dog but notice with Jenny she has got a habit of provoking it half the time and then doesn't like it yeah when the Wiis retaliates back Jenny can you tell us why you're crying my sister hurts me what did she do to you hit me what's the problem between you and Louise she just did not meet but well no more yeah nothing to do but we don't like me I spent most of my life in boarding school hated going home because my dad basically used to using me as a punch bag when did that start - when I was a baby I mean it's suspect you know what people have told me but it's never actually been proven that it was the case but the state was my dad gave me a fractured right femur at 3 months old and a brain hemorrhage at 9 months old which caused my eyesight caused you to go blind yeah I want to give my children what I never had which is a loving parent new shoes new clothes all the shoes I had another child came from jumble sales and things like that you know if you can show you children love and not abuse and just let them know that if they've got a problem we're here for them Jenny and Louise aren't alone there are at least a hundred and seventy-five thousand child carers in the UK supported by the young carers Association founded in the 1990s to lobby and listen the Association recognizes the strain these children are under and its monthly activities are design so that carers like Jenny and Louise get a chance to be just children free from responsibilities beyond their years if only for an afternoon yo guys my name stuck I just stuck myself but some young carers prefer not to belong to a group and instead try to manage alone Ryan is 14 he's been caring for his mother Jill for five years and rather than join the young carers Association he's developed his own way of living with her illness eyes diagnosed last year with having fibromyalgia which I had never heard of before and over the years I've been getting a lot of pain in various parts of my body I'm in constant pain with it and sometimes they all like go into spasm and seize up so I find it very very difficult moving I get it from sort of my neck or down my back the only place I don't get it is my hands of my feet well I did suffer a lot of depression over the years and I've sort of gradually got over that with counselling and now the depression I tend to get is because of the pain that I'm in it's like if it's like a vicious circle I'm not it's not at the same depression that I had years ago but now I get depressed because those days what I think I want to do something and I just can't because of the pain and has it always been this attorney yes our relationship can get very sort of strained at times because there is just two of us you know there is no partner husband father there that can share the burden so yes there have been times when I think I have taken things out on Ryan a little bit and then again I think there's times when he's taken things out on me as well everybody else can go outside and sort of hang around with their friends and they can go off and do what they want but then there's some limbs where I have to stay and I have a heapify and I know that I have to cook that heard that there's all these things to do so I think sometimes I would just prefer to be going on doing other things do you think he does too much sometimes yes I think he does and sometimes I think it's not just the actual doing things but it's the sort of mental side of things that he finds stressful things build up and he tends to keep the mend one way that he will Express is he'll just sort of go off and I won't know where he is because he just says that he has to to get out of the flat he needs his space they sir started about a year ago I think everything sort of used to get on top of him what with school work and one thing and another and he just felt that he needed time out does he disappear for 24 hours yes he will disappear and you don't know no does your mom know you come up here no so see well she doesn't know it's sort of a secret place do you ever feel imprisoned at home sometimes yeah it can be quite claustrophobic because it's just me and my mum and I know sort of wherever I go in the house there's sort of a chance of him seeing her and if I sort of having an argument or I have sort of had a bad day and then quite stressed out and there's only so much that I can do in the house this of only in my room where I can go come up there but it's more open and laying in seclusion [Music] how agile very saw a lot of pain and very stiff overnight I tend to like seize up so it takes me a while to get going in the morning a few weeks ago I just got so overwhelmed by everything by the pain by the problems that are by the various problems that I'd got and I actually took an overdose I just got out from it with some friends and I know this phone call from social services saying that my mom had been taken into casualty I I just felt I just thought that I can't I just can't carry on like this I thought that I wasn't being fair to him and that he would have a much better life if I wasn't around I did find it very hard sleeping that night because I was worrying about her the whole time you know she wasn't now I can't see her or hear her so I did find that um very stressful Ryan found out because I did phone up some some very good friends that I've got and told them and they took me to hospital and they also left a note for for Ryan were you on your own yeah yeah yeah and were you allowed to see her the next day yeah I went in to see the next day what did you two do when you saw each other um I'm crying really why do you think she did it I'm not sure sometimes I think it's because of her back because she gets very upset and frustrated by it um sometimes I think it is because of me other times I think it's just simply the depression [Music] [Music] to stop the boys throwing their toys outside Paulin Amanda keep the bedroom window locked overnight the temperature has risen the room is airless and our camera steams up [Music] what you doing today at school mental that's test you've got mental math test science literacy maths then what have you got to do with your brothers get back to again change Daniel why don't we get school frog frog do you like smoking enjoy fighting in the morning sometimes it off kills me thought about it when did you first start smoking did the doctors ever say to you perhaps you shouldn't smoke when you're pregnant have they ever had that chat with you do you think it makes a difference if you smoke when you're pregnant maybe have smaller babies if you smoke when you're pregnant but we've had ours how much didn't I do away with his bones and did you smoke when you were expecting him yeah new line one yes and what about Daniel did smoke she didn't smell expecting Daniel and he was seven come to a half do you ever think they should stop having another baby no you don't mind when they tell you they're having another one oh I mind it sometimes cuz it put a little bit more stress I mean that can make it your fan somebody said oh you poor young girl having to change nuff ease and feed your brothers and sisters I say I don't mind don't all the jobs around the house because all my mom and dad all young carers are expected to fit their duties around the school day [Music] he has learned at quite an early age to be very very independent well he can do anything I mean he can he knows how to clean the windows which cloths choose what cleaner to use how to Hoover how to dust you know he's very good at putting the washing in and he can iron he can cook meals you know he's very very independent I feel both his ass without even starting see this master big pile of ironing and it's all got to be done it feels feels like a very big sort of daunting task or challenge like having to climb up a mountain even though it's just standing there lining it um you really enjoy it a Mandarin Paul's disabilities prevent them from working and they're happy to spend all day at home alongside the younger children whilst the three eldest are at school the boys nappies are changed once Jenny and Louise get home just right for a hot day this any man that cannot be just right for a nice hot day a Mandarin Paul undoubtedly love their kids but the choice they've made makes a regular childhood out of the question for their daughters and their decision raises profound questions about a parent's responsibility to their children six kids and the one on the way what it ought to come again when up is the TV Amanda really believe she's not harming anyone by having the large family and is keen to have eight children just like her mother did yeah you're addicted yes do you ever feel it's a lot of responsibility you're giving Jenny and Louise for looking after the younger ones well if we busy with other things we ask them to help us are we also to help with the children a bit sit and it gives us a break do you feel it's a lot of responsibility poor give them really no I mean this things have got to learn for when you have children of their own as well as mayor and I was Jenny at one stage wouldn't do anything and the coordinator of young carers at that time said you know office if Jenny wasn't doing anything you know she was at risk of losing a place of a young carer fair enough if she's ill or something wrong yeah we won't push her into it but you know to keep the titles of young care they've actually you know they have to do things around the house to help last year the strain of being a young carer got too much for Jenny Daniels went in the rope and they do goes up step she went up setting this drop you know I went over there and they took a black bag over her head in the boys room so I took it off and she has to stay in hospital overnight how long did she have the black bag over her head I didn't I what do you think she was trying to do commit suicide why do you think she was trying to commit suicide I don't know cause I don't know what that must have been very alarming for you both how did you feel Amanda could you believe it mmm I can't believe Jenny do that did it make you depressed Paul that she did that we're more concerned to why she'd do anything really sometimes I first feel like I hate being at home why do you hate being at home it gets hard but being in carry it does get hard work what's the worst bit of a young carer June early jobs and stuff do you wish you didn't have to do it would you like some more help did it did she get some counseling off she had a few sessions on the phone with the young carers coordinator who was at a time yeah and she got them talking to them and she was assessed in the hospital by a psychologist do you have anyone to talk to and is that what led you to being unhappy it wasn't because it was cuz I was getting bullied at school what were you being bullies I was what are you you were being bullied because your mom's blind did the teachers help the police it if I told anyone I was dead did you worry that she was so little I'm trying to put a black back in with herself no you sure you didn't yeah how old was she at the time about eight well your mom and dad upset yep it's young do you think she'd have done that unless you've been quite unhappy I think Gil next door hung us out the girl next door hung herself which way how old was she about ten why did she do that because years going stress down Noah and a little sister found her in the house what did that mean to you I don't know but is in the newspapers and all that did you feel sad a little bit what was she like this 10 year old she had noisy Nora and lively her kinda know about she was kind yep where did she hang herself from a bunk bed how sad did you go to the funeral no did anyone talk about it to you no was there a lot of shock in the street I don't know I don't normally talk to people around here [Music] four years ago Amanda lost a baby they named Shane midway through pregnancy every month the family make the mile-long walk to visit his grave [Music] probably a lot more yeah one of the next job just trying to getting the headstone on there and a reminder of what should have been anything he died halfway through the pregnancy I carried his little coffee into the grave arm-in-arm with Amanda in them and it was hard but I was determined I was going to do it shame see ya okay he's okay there Jenny how do you feel when you stand here I feel it's nice to talk to him and let us know we were around they know we haven't forgotten about [Music] hmm so I know why she's trying to wear helmet [Music] amanda hasn't been feeling well and she's recently visited the hospital for a checkup [Music] my over isn't normal and they sort of had a miscarriage a month or two months ago so they couldn't find the baby no that must have been a shock yeah how did you feel I was very upset after they told me and did you tell the children we told jelly when she came home from school because I really wanted to have a brother or sister and family number one well the sister would have been good I didn't mind you I've wanted a long as it was healthy low looked couple of days doing Saturday me and my dad me and Dad went downtown got mom they two big boxes of chocolate it just wasn't meant to be isn't it just probably something wrong them Nature's Way of savings going through the Saints all the pains you went through last time Shane so will you try again yes that's what the hospital told us to do try again yeah under said she's going to try again she determined not to let native eat her only Monday what do you feel about that poor well you know I'm happy about it mother talk about it boat decided together to try again in the hospital advisors try again denied yes [Music] you know just seen me try to put it behind in a bit now just look forward to future and a Ryan is planning to go to university in three years time I think there is a part that she won't really want to let me go because you know I've been there sort of her whole life there's no the relatives down there and you know I'm the only sort of relative that she's got so sort of saying goodbye would be quite upsetting for us so I'm not sure which one will win in the end do you worry about the impact of him worrying about you yes I do yes I do is he old for his age yes yes he's had some good he's had to grow up very quickly why does that bring out the emotions in you suddenly saying that I suppose because sometimes I think that he's missed out on his childhood you know because there's been times when you know perhaps I've not been able to play like rough-and-tumble games with him that I would have liked to have done and I have had to be careful you know what I can do with him and what I can't do with him and sometimes I do think that he has missed out on a lot what's it gonna be like when you've got lots of teenagers in the house you're looking forward to that faith well really thought about that yeah mm-hmm where they'll all sleep we're hoping to move by here apply for a bigger house and just waiting to want to come available there so when we'll get one [Music] every girl Louise your age you know it's not the sort of stuff trailer for a bike and but then not every girl in Louise's age is transporting around toddlers No how would your mama dive manage without you don't mind don't think they'll find it that easy they're great parents and I think they're best parents have had and I don't any other parent so just stick with them because they're the best have you thought about having your own family don't want my own family thank you you don't want any children with me right no why not because I've really talked to them as I've been grown up do you feel you've done your raising of children yeah I need it that you'll change your mind I don't feel occasional mine in August demander announced she was expecting another baby three months later she miscarried again [Music] you

Channel: Real Families

Views: 3,784,570

Rating: 4.1712685 out of 5

Keywords: young carers, carers, young carer, young people, young carers uk, young carers documentary, young, people, ITV Documentary, itv, full, itv documentary 2017, blind parents, blind, bbc interview children, Our Lives: Young Carers, being a young carer, what is it like to be a. young carer, i am a younger carer, dealing with blind parents, what it's like being a young carer, i have to look after my blind parents

Id: wzJDpEzpQug

Length: 47min 59sec (2879 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 18 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

any parent who makes their kid raise their other kids or even babysit them to where they cant even hangout with their friends is fucked up

[u/[deleted]]

There is reasonable help (looking after siblings while parents do chores or something; basic sweeping as part of learning home cleaning/management) and then there's this where the kids are basically nannies. Poor girls.

Also I thought blind people could generally cook and clean(obviously driving a car is right out). Are these people lacking in some areas?

[u/ninjacat_]

Oh my. This is not how children should grow up. One of the siblings tried to commit suicide and the oldest one seems to have emotional issues. Where are social services? :(

[u/de_hatron]

I'm pretty sure that the oldest kid bolts as soon as she's able. Hell, even using drugs would be less unhealthy than this.

[u/[deleted]]

The reason I like having lots of children around is so they can help us when we get older

How fucking selfish. I also cringed at them smoking around the children. These people are disgusting. The eldest has definitely got some issues going on.

[u/thr0wfaraway]

Assholes. And smoking around the kids. And refusing help that would help the kids.

Put a condom on it, assholes.

[u/lampshade12345]

This is one of the most infuriating things I've seen! Why in the fuck are those "parents" having child after child, when they themselves admitted they can't care for them? The mother smokes while pregnant and around the children? Holy shit!

[u/idiotsonfire]

That should be a call to CPS. Refusing to rely on other adults when you have a twelve year old and a nine year old taking care of four other kids should be called abusive. No fucking way can either of them handle that and school.

[u/BerryBrickle]

Side note just occurred to me: they're blind, which is their excuse why they can never change a diaper. Presumably they wipe the shit off their own asses though, so what's the difference. And what did they do with the first few kids when they didn't have anyone else to wipe them? Fucking liars.