Kidnapper Dumps You On The Street Because You Won’t Stop Talking About What? (r/AskReddit)

you've been kidnapped 30 minutes later your kidnapper dumps you on the street because you won't stop talking about what constantly making eye contact and asking what is wrong oh my god i'd kick you out of my van for that and i'm not even kidnapping you i don't have a van either i can't drive why what is wrong are you mad at me are you sure i feel like you're mad at me or what are you thinking so let me tell you how linux is a far better operating system and how the modern internet owes its life to free and open source software i use a distribution of new linux called arch i'm convinced that linux is a cult because always when i meet someone who uses linux they are like hello would you like to talk about lord and savior superior open source system it's much better than windows and you should use it right now because it's amazing and free but it's not only free as in a free beer it's free as in freedom you can take the source code and study it modify it and even post your modification so all the community may benefit not just you this allows for the evolution of technology much more than a closed source system like windows or os x and do you know about the linux kernel let me tell you about it henry the eighth second verse same as the first i got married to the widow next door she's been married seven times before and every one was and henry she wouldn't have a willy or a sam watch me sing the entire six soundtrack from memory lego oh this one piece only came in one set issued in 1984. it was a limited edition set so there weren't that many to start with but a lot of pieces from that era are now lost or in landfills so it only comes up for sale from time to time usually at auction one sold in 2003 for 72 dollars buck can you believe that 72 dollars for a single lego piece anyway every time i buy use legos i always check for that piece so there's other pieces like that too it isn't just the one piece there was another piece well actually a minifigure that was all gold not like that fake plastic looking gold but actually shiny wait where are you going guys hey i'm almost done you gotta hear the rest guys can you describe said peace what makes it so special yeah i really need to know now warhammer 40k i knew i would find this comment you should start with explaining each primark and legion in their order like lionel jonas without any link to actual real life lionel johnson and the oroboros cycle on caliban but first we must speak about what demons are to explain the auraboros but for that we need to speak about warp but before that we might start with the war in the heavens oh and the old ones if it lets start again by explaining what primark is though we must discuss the emperor or the dark ages of technology i think she let me start again so you know yoon right wait you don't know so there was this author frank herbert who tried to write for those pulpy fee wait maybe let's start about how come see fee came to being through frankenstein or the modern prometheus you know prometheus right no oh boy let me tell you about the ancient history a bit what we're we talking about again the horus heresy to be specific if you start the explanation chronologically you'll get thrown out of the van right around the time you get to the great crusade magnus did nothing wrong except everything he did now mortar in he did nothing wrong he just hated suckers and rightfully so can't fault the man primark for trusting what amounted to his brother my theory on how kim jong-un is actually both gay and remy from ratatouille as someone with a deep interest in the dprk i am signed up and fully paid in advance for your lecture you have my full attention so i don't have full proof on either but i've seen that kim jong-un has a ton of interest in cheese rats also like cheese he's also very short like a rat also have you noticed how big his front teeth are like a rodents and because he's also human-like remy is also anthropomorphic kim jong-un would be an anthropomorphic rat so he is remy and how he's gay he hates his wife and in those photos with female soldiers hugging his arms they are showing affection to him and he doesn't react like he doesn't like women also how at the trump kim summit trump announced to the soldiers that him and comey were in love so yay he is accordingly both gay and remy from ratatouille you see everyone just uses the shield wrong you don't always need it out you can deflect skeletal arrows and even creeper blasts it's totally worth the 16th of the screen you lose while you have it equipped and infinity what a joke get a fletcher or a skeleton spawner and you're set for life why not just add mending into the mix and don't even get me started on how much more people should be using potions you know instant harming i i can direct s wait i wasn't done arrows of harming only work with bose from power i to iii since the damage cap is hard coded at 12 so the arrow of harming makes up for the difference if the arrow would deal less than 12 damage though a great way to shotgun any monster out of existence would be to load multiple crossbows and quickly switch every single mistake they made in the planning and execution of said kidnapping like iron adler ira what are you doing mugger i'm mugging you ira with that stance never has a more flattering comparison been made the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy by douglas adams i would recite my vogue and poetry you do realize that they can't let you out if they are dead right the entire story and character construct of the kingdom hearts series i would kidnap you to finally get some sense into the narrative brian david gilbert same i'd probably spend at least three hours explaining so roxas ventus and another three to five telling their individual backstories as well as their trio's backstories and how kh3 wraps it up etc etc pretty sure a college course can be taught on the lord and when union x comes to an end oh man i haven't played union x and wanted to wait for it to end to watch it all the fact that college board basically has a monopoly on the college credit entrance business at least in the us but we use them in an international school i went to two and how competition is necessary for ap's sats acts act to be cheaper and more reasonable they are bad for the higher education system and everyone in it got to love their virtual shipping charge for electronically sending your sad score to the university look the internet is a series of tubes the uni has to exclusively rent a bunch of tubes so your scores don't end up falling into any pornography tubes because then your scores will get all sticky f college board their business model is children's futures yeah this sounds like a slogan throw in pearson's monopoly on public education in the u.s or how turbo tax lob is to keep our taxes complicated when in reality the government could just do our taxes for us automatically if they wanted to this is quickly turning into an episode of adam ruins everything or patriot act my cat i'd be glad to listen what's up with your cat she's another gremlin who started off as a rescue who spent a week hiding under my sink now she knows how to open doors by pulling down on things hanging off the doorknob and tries to get into any and every garbage can possible my dnd campaign there is nothing more interesting than your own dnd campaign there is nothing less interesting than someone else's dnd campaign except someone else's fantasy sports team but in the same neighborhood some of my friends have awesome stories for their dnd games that are fun to listen to that said the vast majority of dnd games aren't fun to hear about even if they're a blast to play i would probably keep you to hear more about it tbh so i started off by telling the players they could be any character from reality or fiction 5v rules with one caveat they couldn't discuss their choices with the other players at one point two players both wanted to play gladys which was workable but a surprise we ended up with an interesting selection the kidnapper not giving me the candy for getting in the van yeah man if they said they were gonna get candy to take me at least give me the fine candy and it better be good candy damn it my cats gambling addiction i kind of want to hear about it can your cat throw dice or does your cat go more for gambling apps probably just a big fan of claw machines my newest mlm adventure dissect every aspect of their appearance and that of their vehicle and you have an oil for everything oils for weight loss oils for acne oils for smells oils for cleaning oils for the check engine light law one of my new oily oils will fix everything and you just have buy a 1 500 startup kit to get in i'm due for an oil change got an oil for that no hey i be your own boss babe i know you have it in you hun you're out of the van endlessly critiquing their kidnapping plan as i suggest better options you know the zip tie is a nice pick but they're really easy to snap with since effort personally i'd suggest rope or even paracord i hope you remembered to wear a disguise when you rented this van they have cctvs everywhere nowadays neither of us need your face on tv so what's your endgame here is it money a sex thing revenge sex thing i just like to know what's on the itinerary if it's one of those other things can it also be a sex thing i mean it's not my fault you didn't think to sedate me when you picked me up frankly that's a rookie mistake so are you after money information because i have neither my organs won't even be worth much on the black market because i'm super unhealthy i hate to break it to you but if this is a sex thing nobody's gonna be interested um did you really just drive through a traffic light you know those all have cameras right back roads only man or you're gonna get caught faster than i can chew through this off-brand duct tape you thought would work i'm probably gonna get killed by judging the kidnappers too much like above and did i mention a sex thing seriously if you don't know how to tie a knot and that's why you used a zip tie who boy are we going to have fun can we stop by lows i'd like to talk to you about your car's extended warranty kidnap a rips bag off your head look around in a panic and then visible relief oh man you guys have no idea how glad i am to see you oh for real this is perfect see i'd like to talk to you about your car's extended warranty get immediately shot raid shadow legends okay i'll allow you to kidnap me but first i'd like to thank our sponsor raid shadow legends gets ye eated out of the window yes precisely instant evacuation how well dicks are probably the origin of sea serpent legends what sometimes for some reason whales turn on their backs and stick their penis out of the water which looks kind of like the loch ness monster some assume that's the origin of the legend can i dump you on the street now away from places i like to read it makes sense i'm full of useless facts like that example did you know that the reason they say elephants have a good memory is because they annually visit the fallen remains of matriarch they touch her bones and cry annual elephant funerals also the tips of fire trunk are many times more sensitive than human fingertips i want to subscribe to your useless facts the python programming language hey i am about to go college for software engineering and i don't know about programming any tips do your homework early and make sure you understand what you're doing and why you're doing it there might be a lot of incentive to copy your friend's work but don't don't let imposter syndrome get you down it happens to everyone even the people you think are the best also learn how to google effectively that my dad can beat up his dad he wouldn't stand a chance to my dad that might be true but my dad can beat up both of your dads at the same time reciting the b movie script and every time you say b you go faster slower true crime podcasts i need to stop referring to windows as points of entry i sell windows as part of my job lol alright this made me laugh bro let me kidnap you i want to join law i don't listen to many true crime podcasts but i love listening to the ones about cults exactly i know all your tricks guy ted bundy would have never done it like this oh i'm getting a real pogo vibe in here love what you've done with the walls my past relationships world of warcraft you osiris my 15 story ideas all of which are fantastical if we both get kidnapped make it 20 stories plus a lot of world building a lot of world building i'm talking gods religion powers legends myths warriors all that stuff it'll be fun and here i am thinking the 10 plus incomplete stories failed plot ideas i had was a bit excessive how badly i want someone to play wow with me mate tell me about it basically a single player game at this point why some people pronounce this same two words differently a historic vs an historic sorry that was meant to be phonetic also why the rising terminal is so annoying when it isn't a question a friend of mine who's interesting in languages told me about this recently apparently it's because the letter h in english used to be a silent letter and a nice story is a holdover from that time how excited i am to finally have been kidnapped and how long i've waited for this and how it's almost exactly like that movie with alicia silverstone and how she was in the batman movie but wasn't very good even though batman is a great character and adam west was a hilarious batman but was even better on family guy and that family guy is getting a little too overrated for my taste and speaking for taste can we stop for food because i'm hungry and when i get hungry i get cranky and the snickers won't help even though snickers is packed with peanuts caramel and chocolate but not dark chocolate and i'm sure snickers at one point did a dark chocolate version and if not i might be thinking about milky way midnight bars and the milky way is so vast and huge and we have no idea how much further out it goes and i read this really fast like was your intent i'm sure law it's the missing punctuation the written language and what you can do with it is pretty cool man you would be thrown out in four minutes 32 seconds oddly specific just one second shy of a work of art i'm throwing you out like dj jazzy jeff got tossed by uncle phil i'd keep you just to see how far you could take this and because my brain likes to think this way sometimes at adhd moment bro you ain't getting thrown out you're getting shot bravo i didn't even finish reading the comment that's how you know it's good this is my method to avoid the nice bit annoying neighbor who is always outside smoking in his car because his wife won't let him smoke in the house if i never break my sentence he has no in hey man how's it going pretty nice outside today almost makes you remember why we like living here oh and hey did you hear that car alarm last night man what an a-hole oh and hey look i'm back on my porch better go inside cool man take care nice talk the add is strong with this one about how hades is actually a pretty good guy and that the idea of him being evil or bad comes from the christian idea of the devil being associated with him for no reason other than underworld actually compared to all the other gods in greek mythology hades was probably the least dickish of them all the worst thing he did was kidnap that dude's wife but he was very fair and allowed the dude to come to the underworld and get her the only reason why she stayed kidnapped was because he didn't follow the very fair rules that hades had set up and also hades had to kidnap his wife because that's his job like it's not his fault she died i'd do that too whilst going on a completely separate rant on how the romans never had an original idea and just stole everything even still stealing from other cultures about the changes that formula one tracks suffered after airten cena's fatal accident during the 1994 and mourinho gp not many people know that several tracks such as montreal barcelona spa franco camps silverstone perez estoril monza and of course imola where the tragedy happened were modified with temporary or permanent chicanes or reprofiled corners in an attempt to make them a bit safer i could go on talking about the layout evolution of all of these tracks over the years the kidnapper would beg for mercy god helped him when i start rambling about spars bus stop me explaining in great detail why it was the right decision to keep tom bombadle out of the lord of the rings movies i'm fine with bom but they'll being out i just want to know why the scouring of the shire wasn't even in the extended edition especially when they foreshadowed it in the mirror of galadriel and what about aragorn finding the seed of the white tree as far as the shire i think you could have that in the ending if it were made today because people are more generally accepting of a narrative that kind of points out that defeating the bad guy doesn't always end in coming home to a beautiful home and a feast in your honor hell even marvel is doing things that are emotionally similar but back when the trilogy was released i imagine they wanted a cleaner happier ending for movie audiences and leaving the vision we saw of it now serves as a cautionary tale for why they must destroy the ring soon as well as being a little nod to the book readers maybe i and the studio underestimate early 2000s movie audiences but that would be my guess totally agree he would be jarring in the movies and look like a plot device rather than a character he is so random if lotia had been a seven season tv show ella got then he could be handled right i would kill you on the spot the possibility of clash of clans losing its appeal and audience due to too many new updates and making it too complex in all seriousness do people actually complain about this sort of stuff no but it's occasionally in the back of my mind because i still enjoy the game maybe if someone asked some specific question about it and then gave consent for me to no doubt then i would complain but there isn't much to complain about yet the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise ironic i just call my mother-in-law and put her on speaker our lord and savior jesus christ this is the right answer surprised to see it so low now that you've kidnapped me we have time for me to tell you the good news good news the good news about our lord and savior jesus christ who died for our sins doesn't it feel amazing to know that pray with me now get out my loneliness and about all my mental health issues animal crossing i could go on four hours about the struggles of trying to get my island just right and how nooks cranny never stocks any of the items i need for my villagers yards and everything i miss from new leaf crossfit plants i've been dumped by boyfriends colleagues and friend groups because it's all i ever want to talk about i know this isn't in the spirit of the hypothetical but i did get to bring up plants in a relevant way so it's a win in my eyes the litter at the side of the road that i can see through the van window it's an outrage i don't understand why people do this why don't they have more respect think of the wildlife it's so ugly why aren't the council cleaning this up aren't other people annoyed by this what must foreign visitors think our nice countryside is being ruined mermaid man and barnacle boy merchandise were the closest thing to everything i love jellyfishing you should love jellyfishing you should come sometime and bring your own net so as i was saying you and me gotta hang out more what nights are good for you here are the nights that are good for me monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday i go to work i work at the krusty krab my best friend is patrick he's pink etc that completely fascinating dream i had followed by the story of how i got out of jury duty followed by how i got rear-ended at a red light and the guy who hit me tried to get out of paying for it nickelback or to do the trick look at this photograph marvel or star wars the recastly paradox wiry cadley can't give his wife up even if she asked him to or the one where you are script astley for the movie up but he can't meaning that he has let you down i can go on for approximately 45 minutes about the missed opportunities and other poor decisions in the harry potter books so buying shares in domestop the kidnapper not being double masked cryptocurrency investing opportunities f this influx of new crypto subs every damn millisecond nobody cares about your moon with the coins why people give awards to their own rs credit questions with zero comments also timothy chalamet [Music] so

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Keywords: r/ask reddit, r/ askreddit, best posts and comments, askreddit top posts

Id: hhxcpOmtlyA

Length: 22min 40sec (1360 seconds)

Published: Sat May 01 2021