Kevin interviews a monk after completing 30 Days Retreat in the Monastery

yeah this is brother Brian and a monk of Our Lady of Guadalupe Yahweh and renounce video and we had Kevin who did a 30-day monastic life retreat here at the Abbey and I asked a few questions and when we were finished he said why don't I ask you a few questions so it says hey we don't boy don't we give this a go let's try that it's time to go to me so we're here we are and Kevin is gonna ask me some questions and oh you haven't studied it beforehand so I don't haven't got a clue what are you gonna ask me okay so let's go first thing our mind is um this was very much like a discernment for me coming in maybe not a hundred percent discernment of a religious life but that's in there for sure the center of religious life maybe monastic life maybe marriage maybe single life maybe a lay person maybe working in the Catholic Church in a way that hasn't done yet so I'm always really interested on what causes people to a certain type of lifestyle that's gonna really help me with my discernment process so what would you say if there's like one or two things that you know when you dip your feet in the water of an acid lifestyle really called you to kind of live stay and be among one or two teams that called me yeah well was something that was like attracted to you think that's it see doctors been asked that question over the years and the answer changes all the time you know so I don't even know anymore really yeah and we just remember visiting there at the monastery remember I wanted to be a missionary I was a tree good idea I've gone I've gone to where foreign countries there to our figure or some oil in the Pacific and I wanted to do a retreat in the monastery and I saw monks walking a farm in Ireland and meeting for prayer seven times a day and it was hugely struck waiter how attractive it was of man living together a contention of life together ways of prayer and I suddenly realized I'm ready for that sorry a contemporary prayer and over something traditionally attraction and didn't seem so so great anymore even though we I believe we should all be content with we should all be missionaries we should be both we're just yeah just see the so attractive the CDs man walking out took the fields covered in with cow poo and our clothes and straw and I hair and going into church to pray and then getting up in the middle invite to pray and just seen huge attracted to me you know just was and then they think so so well in the church and they live diligence all and someday it was hugely attractive and then I met a man and they were just blew me away with that quality and depth of demand so we just said before you go to as a missionary of probably wouldn't be the good thing I didn't have the maturity for that level of to be a missionary and because I was more immature and in many many ways oh yeah a lot of growing up to do well what age did you come into the monastery now I was 27 years of age 27 yes and I was very big into martial arts martial arts all my life we looked you know I love wrestling I love dare and you've still got the competitions all over the world was on a team we compete was also he was also quite fit a plumber and Starling central heating systems had me on business for a while and I also where was the postman from inner city government because much more very low and moody not to live on go there for a year I was doing I was very hot because you should spend the afternoons of my every that's when I was I needed time to pray and reflect on the occasion so we should spend the afternoon we read John of the Cross and all these great mystics and you very good point I think initially I'm just in talking a lot of people for the December process some people knew since they were very young other people that said I'm like two three years a lot of back and forth me out of internal battles you know things kind of chipping away at a mobile Tonya did you I'm curious about like the first couple years that you were living in a monastery yeah cuz I know it takes seven years to perform those final valves ready to become a monk those first two years take me through those was there a lot of internal struggle was there a lot of oh this is for me and then the next day oh this isn't for me at all and kind of like constantly struggling with that out of that fighting inside over here did you always know I want to go through with this and I'm gonna commit all the way I came from them working-class Dublin you know there are very solid solid people and I was reared in an atmosphere of family life that's a and also with the people like in my walk in apartments it was a full working class area back in the 70s you know the 80s and there wasn't much money around but these people were not afraid of commitment at all so a group in a culture where people committed for life those marriages every weekend you know and people just committed formally for those problem areas where people stay or alcoholics and so I was used to committing somewhere and commitment wasn't a frightening pain for me I was like I'm over 20 in our parish title something on the end and so I had no fear of commitment so because of my cultural background and so had no real problems like sales true and well he remember my former novice master said I was one of the best novices to you that he ever had and it was very very proud I thought in fact that should have been a warning that should be a red flag because it was a red flag NASA and because I was - it was - I was ticking all the boxes too much too much and so what happened he was a after sun-up profession after some profession look I didn't really know where it's extraordinary can healthy optical affair destroy Tomita understands what marriage is all about woke up you know relationship whatever and I would say that if this had happened to me before I was something professor it probably wouldn't I wouldn't ruin it I'd probably like so it was so and because of the the curse of my particular type of upbringing and because of the culture I grew up and and a lot of stuff was repressed you know after so no profession and ten years in the monastery and all of a sudden I just started to realize what happened having a wife was like and rearing children like it's artifice which I which I didn't have a quite a concrete you know what I was very happy that that really didn't leave because we had of and if I forgot I married because lots of reasons yeah it's a but that's the way that's the way God calls you you know like an Saint Peter and Wendy was followed Jesus and he said he like Jesus I've been killed in Raceland and he was going on up here said uh to have my dis one gone back fishing you know he went over the boats he went fishing you saying he's a swim gone back fish and I'm going back to the beginning I'm getting away from all this no full point you said about the Lord called and from the seashore and that a breakfast ready from hey come here so what's your problem what's your problem this what are you worried about let's sit down here talking and when Jesus made this made a breakfast well and Peter would say yes to Jesus Jesus asked him three times do you love me so we agree could fairness in is their vocation you know so well I think we don't have to go through that in marriages and there I think anybody sinners who are trying to hold up a commitment or try that I think they're gonna find out that you're gonna hit a wall at some point and it's gonna have a big questions and I've got a manhole to stand up to it you know yeah although they say that this thing is mean we talked about this a little bit off-camera and specifically like breaking those barriers down I think no matter what commitment you're you're going to you have that barrier you kind of butt up against it and gonna keep getting kicked back or you break it down you how to enter in this whole new space did you find at any point that you were faced with like a really big spiritual block a really big battle or even just a battle with saying hey maybe I do have a call to live this life but I don't want that I have the courage to answer did you really have to break through any of those walls the kind of a fine piece and this type of lifestyle you see you see the problem is a man actually like I don't scare young prospects off oh that some buckets can go on for years you know maybe decades you know and that's exactly my god push you're fightin it you're fighting a demonic force that's your foot your own instincts but wrong so when you know the devil plays on our weaknesses he doesn't play on those friends he knows where we can he did pushed off mouton's you know so we have to so when so we're so yeah I did come up against there but I remember I came up against that kind of an almost direct oppression you could say it wasn't it wasn't depression but it was a spiritual depression if you like was attacked I saw and it was square leaving and going off to get married I knew that was initially it seemed very attractive I knew does it I knew it was a cul-de-sac and staying you know so so we could get you the initial kick did the initial temporary satisfaction by going for a new was only gonna be time for your new was a trap it looked looked and looked pretty and it looked enticing like new my new it was temporary and devorah new was terrible it was it was a trap because no if in any in any way jar I'm eating your dear marriage and just like priest was my nice equation is is is is warfare warriors we have to engage in the struggle of life and there's no where there's no there's parties at the beginning of everything you know just parties you know and what generally you have to give the warfare of life the struggle is noise and so always thank God I never we never never yeah he gave me a tread to hold onto even though that tread it look like us all not too crazy it's like going into the tomb you know who wants to go into and when you're damned in life that comes out of the lake that's what the resurrection we use an abstract language here but it's only then that God could speak to me you know and the made me a powerful person I think because there's a basic integrity there first art and also the Holy Spirit is able to walk through me more clearly because I I've stood the test a trial I've stood the trials and I'm interested in that from the twofold perspective one we're alluding to how much the community could support each other you know then also in that silence you're asking me in the last video you did you know maybe sometimes that having to drive down like a darker road they could just you and your mind and that's it so to mention the intensity that you felt it made you a stronger person yeah what did you feel like in those moments you had to lean on for yourself the kind of rise above those things and once we freed enough to Lena well it just it's just you in those moments yeah and it's um a lot of darkness I think a lot of times people either reach out for help during those songs or they kind of go into that tune like you're saying yeah figure everything out themselves and they spit out and then they're like okay I'm ready to battle this and then you know that you're kind of battle tested and anything that's being thrown into the next time you have that courage and that you're gonna be able to stand up against it yeah I remember reading the Mystics and Janet across and reading and John tell around various mystics and the old said you know you're going to come up there are trials and later come across and no spirit director can help you no confessor can help you and you're on your own and he says that's the very time I have to hold on for dear for dear life and all you would remember that you've been greeting this is a that's never going to happen to me I'm not important of for such a holy enough to experience those trials you know chuckles you know and I don't experience me and don't can help you no no it's just you and God the only thing that there was an old monk back in Iran at all one old monk he's dead now God rest them brother John I was passing by Monday me stuck accessible Brian he says hold onto crews cocktails for dear life he's going to bring you up and down and up and down but don't let go hold on for dear life and the way you've pledged his fist he would truly know exactly what it was hold on to katroo galaxies and the depths of the earth and everybody didn't want to go aboard oh the Cape will stop so it's all over and you're suddenly of your new and soil you can see you can see clearly you know you can see for what it is you can see nonsense for what it is you see true you see reality and it's pretty clear and you appreciate simple simple little things yeah I could have employed we do that now but to justify open secure yeah you're psychological spiritual reasons just amazing I think that's something that a lot of people would think IV started going in if you're in here 10 years 20 years 30 years 40 years like those highs that you were talking about you mentioned the low is kind of like those dark times how those class really long but talk about like some of those intense eyes that you fell or maybe one that stands out in particularly is there anything that comes to mind truly one I know a lot of these things are really hard to put into words yeah when I try to do so it's like the words never come when you kind of saw that clear out specifically in the time where so many people are going through depression going through battles and working in schools or working in the corporate environment a lot of times people aren't talking about these things at all yeah where people aren't falling back on God people didn't grow up in a lifestyle where God was even mentioned so it's hard to really make that connection you think okay it's just me and maybe this antidepressant drug I have been talking to other people and that's really it but you know something for you that really stood out that was like you know intense eyelid kind of opened yeah kind of uncover the veil lack of better times yeah well those two teams are spiritually I've had very spiritual noise and 30 physical physical words again locally and sometimes I'm reading the gospel and we could meditate for an hour and I'm getting something over and I've gone into a place of love and a place of divine union that I haven't read it in any books you know Artie Artie ology I'm saying we two people have known about this what if I got this give the nobody seems to worry about the Sun know about this you know and then on a physical level gets some very extraordinary variance but feed the Bulls out there in there Freddie Hamid not sure I hadn't just squirrel and she name is Millie I call her really she Lea groomed me from day one she spotted me and she drew me but she was come over to stare I be feeding her and she put her little paws on me hand you know and she just leave stay there you know and that's like wait see God and it's cruel that God is talking me to a squirrel and he's saying I love you whether you go together when are you going to get it that I love you like do I have to hit you over the head or something about the walk are you even get a squirrel bit like when you're gonna get it like it until it's gone and look up it to me face little pause at the fear little possum yard and extraordin is was re-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-nce' for all reason and he says there God is everything that is good God is everything so every good much you experience whatever it is if it's on a squirrel it's God so I'm gonna convenience God if it's a movie slice of apple cake it's everything that's gorgeous my uncle misses God all goodness so that little squirrel was trusting me does this girl know that what you still kill rabbits won't I used to shoot rabbits what does this girl know I'm not a good good but it's good now we just be looking open to me always you know and that's good I mean if you can't see God in nature you can't stop and sit down square if you're wishing to the bank or even worse it isn't if you're rushing to to the store so that's what that that is probably this place of extreme appreciation to tell you it's an and weekend for me was for ten years and that means ten years of playing Zoila need oppression not sleeping you know to get to this place of show me with with knowing if you had to go back and know that it was going to take a good chunk of time you know she wasn't she said yeah she put you good to heaven there sure you get that right before you pass some time yeah some people experience darkness wait for the end yeah you know we don't know what's ahead of us yeah so we have to win not run away from if not before you never put all you got to my warfare and I'm sure that's more down the line and I want to keep talking go I'm not gonna stop you know I think it's true with what you're saying about the Yuma scene got into small things that's something I'm like I'm guilty of what I know yeah you're thinking about the next thing you're gonna do where it's just just just stuff some time to slow down and here he's like you have so much silence in so much nature that you could see it and even small things that you never see otherwise yeah I'm curious with the UM we were talking a little bit a couple days ago about in the safeguard isn't this type of lifestyle yeah and how you said you know the brothers showing up for each other it's really like that uh that feeling of picking each other up one day or somebody's picking up yeah the other day and I utilize that term I was Moses you know where somebody might be on a high for a couple weeks you could share that with somebody else and then kind of pass it back and forth can you talk a little bit about that like the safeguards that live in a mastic light getting closer these brothers kind of that osmosis of uh I think specifically you mentioned when somebody is weak in a certain area one other person is praying for that person or elevates themself in that area it's amazing how you see it rise in the whole yeah yeah I think I think when I was younger and you know and I think we're all like this poison law was very common you know well when I look at the all along series we've been living when I assume I've been living the minute like 17 years no you say generate 20 40 50 years he's something to live in actually 70 years right and occasionally a chance they hope that they don't get you don't get blue Hawksley and that's not deadness that's not Denis that is a wisdom they don't get shattered by bad news and they don't get elated by good news to help you and good things happen under serve inserting sattell would then welcome tell it's more like that rather than going up and down like when when you're younger you go up and down something and there's a great wisdom in that that's huge will and that's a really deep spirituality to get to that place of the older books help me enough love because i see the way they air react like i remember there and there was one having their getting ready for their quite a lovely day it's big cloak on a big party and one of the other monks was very very stressed getting the place ready you know and said to one of the older monks there we don't you listen to me whether talking to you and the older books were there I don't have I don't have me hearing aid and Juba monk was really getting anxious just when I'm talking you put on your hearing aid Brodie hearing aid and he says and he says and he says their batteries are expensive news report he was it was a brilliant answer because he was saying you reading about business where you listen back off body he wasn't gonna get battle Boyan you go go he gave me to travel stop batteries are expensive so that point of a wisdom that kind of steadiness they don't get ratify and poison and yes our solar funerals are going for a long period because I went through and I could see it and I can see if they're having a bad time and I can because I went through myself and I can you know God can you should give it a that water near to where to give them a help up get off may be so hey how are you doing today or just even ask them that that's all so sometimes somebody needs you know the control pad while just have some havoc or do that's that can be enough and you don't need anymore now it's very true it ended a day don't need anymore not our boy tell you something I'm the battling with such-and-such it's triggered memories from choice or their trauma bring back childhood trauma or listening yeah and which helped to separate that you're not separate the Chandra trauma from the the present day and they're done and I'll say I know that firsthand from from you directly even in this conversation I've been journaling a lot and there's been a lot of occasions where I've had the journal where someone just come up to me the perfect time you know and I think there's brother Scott for the same when we were talking he was just like and it's kind of a mentality around here in general don't know don't place words you know John being succinct as possible and like you said sometimes that hey hey you don't can you call someone a break wide open just yes yeah you've come up and do that to me there's been a couple people where to be honest in those first four or five days I said I was feeling like you know lonely and Jennifer communication it was uh it was creepy because people come and like right at the right time I was like you know so just you guys all sent tend to have that sense which is that yeah I think it's important to appreciate our voters who can help us when we need what's also very very important not to depend on that as well yeah to be strong and to stand on our own two feet and there's 12 that we need help put a storm span and we have to really trust in God alone you know and that can be pain but sometimes I've moved off a way to treat a is inadequate of an anxious moment waiting first disorder a situation or a problem annum anger is driving me to act a certain way we know that's a bad that's a bad impulse oh wait oh you have to see what's up for three days and I say to the Holy Spirit I'm not doable to my not acting arguing I do you wanna play hear from you and that's the way God walks he likes us to have patient that he likes us to wait and I said I'm waiting for you to hear from you what I'm going to do in this

Channel: Guadalupe Abbey

Views: 2,259

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: Catholic, monastic, monks, spirituality, meditation, prayer, Cistercian, Trappist, Christian, lifestyle, life skills, holiness, Guadalupe Abbey, Br Brian, reflection, wisdom, retreat, interview

Id: GTE0M6ZE--g

Length: 26min 53sec (1613 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 14 2020