Kevin Bridges Is A Scottish Icon | LIVE AT THE APOLLO

airbnp the BNP of Brenda the papers recently I I've seen a better about a racist graffiti that kind of sums up the whole thing it's not a kind of deprived housing area on a news agent somebody spray painted BNP and below the BNP the drew a swastika right now beside the swastika where a couple of unsuccessful attempts at drawing a swastika there's obviously must judge the complexity of the operation thank you and rather than spray paint over the failed attempts they left them there I must have thought you get some form of credit for showing you're working I was reading the government plans to provide musical instruments to children like young young people from deprived areas that will solve the problem musical instruments you know what's up son your mom's a crack addict your dad's in jail don't worry have a glocking spill problem solved oh chills mate thank you everything's fine a b c d e f g a lot of fun memories growing up the good old days I like that I like school and my favorite class at school was woodwork member craft and Design I never actually liked the subject I liked the teacher see everybody's woodwork teacher was an alcoholic I remember this guy our good work teacher he would just be sitting at his desk about 10 minutes in to the woodwork lesson and he's not even spoke a word just something else I need to finish the class and just say right kids right children offered a tough weekend I was supposed to go to IKEA but I spent my wages and odd pins so what I use we Pricks make me a space rack foreign [Applause] 's marriage depends on your abilities with a Chupa glue and a band saw after skill I remember looking for a job unemployed in the job center false job you see a customer service advisors assistant not one of these jobs it just gets shatter and shaytar every one of the units just cause more more basically I mean you make the T for the guy that makes the coffee everything else is like experience required and qualifications needed and I was just a decade right just left school don't have much of that last option you've got you can join the Army right you've got the British Army Recruitment desk the guy's there be the best and I'm thanking me join the Army be the best T-Mobile just said I don't have enough qualifications to sell phones Microsoft just said I don't have enough experience to answer phones and you want to give me a machine gun [Applause] what a gun crime on the streets a lot of a lot of caps getting popped I don't I don't really know the solutions I just know the problems it used to be in the UK at 14 years old you could legally be in possession of an air rifle which is not a proper gun still swore right but that get moved to 17 years old because you know 17 year olds they're dead responsible Point McDonald you could be going that his final looks about 17. you've done 17 years old to be on possession of a firearm but you've got to be 18 before he can burn possession of fireworks 17 you can shoot somebody Dead We have got away a year before they can frighten the shout out a cat a drug Swagger offer drugs quite a lot in this game he got off of The Usual Suspects like ecstasy speed and a drug called horse tranquilizer foreign I can understand people who don't know anything about drugs maybe trying ecstasy because it sounds quite good all the connotations of the name ecstasy you think your states are Euphoria and happiness and then speed is pretty self-explanatory then Paul's tranquilizer that hardly sounds the most sociable of evenings the fact of replaced it original name with the effect it has on a horse to me every drug should be tested give a lot of them at horses and you can see what it actually does take it it would also make the Grand National pretty interesting foreign a program called my super sweet sixteen if anybody seen us [Applause] don't get too excited it's quite shape [Applause] I was watching about two o'clock in the morning when the TV is quite shape anybody watch late night Telly yeah I've been up that late at night when the TV just goes get to bed foreign death baseball fan of a gambling problem Peter does anybody watch these late night Channel 5 phone in quiz shows anybody seen me like quiz Mania in the cash flow it's just robbing drunk people oh you came in at night there's some guy going okay everybody okay thanks for watching okay for ten thousand pounds we're looking for a guy's name you come home steaming I know I got his name ten Grand I know a few guys names watching this supposed to be 16th what is it Steve's millionaire parents and I've given their 15 year old kids A budget to spend on their 16th birthday party that's one young guy his dad gave him 200 000 pounds right as a budget to spend on his 16th birthday party I'm watching this thinking if my dad had given me 200 000 pounds to spend on my 16th birthday party I would be dead it would make for a more interesting TV show your 16th birthday party you should be grateful for a bottle of Mad Dog 2020. and a smelly finger [Applause] so and the old man watching much of the day watching the highlights it gets to the kind of games and I say right I think I'm I think I'm gonna go to bed dad good night and he would continue the charade you're off the bad son good night Mutual father and son we both know what the plan is here I would casually exit the living room nice and slowly good night at the hallway and raise up the stairs don't even consider looking in the fridge eyes on the prize bedroom TV switched on put number six that's when you see but he's watching TVs are synchronized except when he's in control a few minutes go by and he's still watching much of the day that's fine I must be giving it a few minutes I thought I make it too obvious we've done those before five minutes go by he's still watching much of the day I'm thinking come on stick to the plan and day I'm looking at the bottom left of the screen waiting for the numbers to get tight too the numbers that can make or break the evening's entertainment give me your number Sandy come what name that's a good start nine could not have hoped for a better start than a name now zero five the ten minute free view [Applause] but I love you so I've got some celebrities in as always live at Apollo who forgot who we got EastEnders cast how are we doing EastEnders at the back I don't mean the extras I mean the real people they don't ever get fell match up I know there's a record there are complaints about the film actual crack addict thing is that right a record you don't know I'm speaking to Ian Bill I'm about star stock I feel sorry at the major the major addictions I feel sorry for gambling addicts the other people I really feel sorry for because at least if you're a drug addict or an alcoholic or a sex addict at least you've got some good stories foreign would that be oh I remember I put 20 quid on a Greyhound and it finished last well you know there is a sex addiction meeting I'd imagine that to be awesome I got to the stage I was spending my wages on on strap-ons and masks and WD-40 hahaha yeah she's on the house at what stage of pregnancy are you at Sarah yeah he is always pregnant and she said Sarah what's your new show called it's called help my house is falling down so that that's the kind of tightly I should get me to watch it and I like seeing the stress and Carnage you don't want to watch MTV clubs watching some r b style showing you it's golden snooker table and stuff I want to see MTV holes well some guy opening the door keeping the chain on and peeking round I can't a cider oh come on uh this is my my toaster let's just build the sink used to be Sarah's get kids I'm at that age I'm at that age that some of my cousins and friends are having children you know that way you're in a family gathering and there's a newborn baby getting passed around the room like a joint no look at everybody foreign when they speak to kids they can just go oh look at you oh please yeah are you telling me a little story [Music] it's getting closer and closer to me and I'm thinking wow I know you pretend I give a the baby reaches me and I just sort of freeze up I'm gonna how are you doing mate when the baby feels the tension starts to cry everybody looks at me as if I'm in the wrong here no toughen up yummy prick but in the middle of an obesity epidemic if we've got any any fat people in the audience because people have get flawed perceptions of their actual size I'll use women as an example here when you get skinny girls they think they're chubby chubby girls think they're fat fat girls think they're obese and then obese girls think they're supermodels going now the harpy people they're the ones hanging out a limousine windows on a Friday night going [Music] and the driver was fine I know it's Christine's hen night but I don't have attacked this get in I've got Olympic medalist swimmer Sharon Davis [Applause] I took up swimming I try to go swimming I went to my local public pool not a private Fantage I'm a local pool a council poo but anybody can go and by that they mean anybody can go that was their public pool I've done done my length yeah and I stopped but I made it look cool when I made you put your elbows up when the tiles can't wait to go and grab a smoothie now if you've got about your waist you don't need to shop and cheap clothes shops not if you walk in somewhere trendy like some River Island or Top Shop I know it's something like that and some boy band freak show comes bouncing across to self you know the people who are working these places they don't walk the bones here man yeah well that energy and enthusiasm the oozies from people who have never been punched in the face and you ask this guy had to ask his assistants I said excuse me mate can I try on these jeans in a 36 inch waist and the guy's enthusiasm just drained and he looked at me know that way you would look at somebody if they just took a in your kettle foreign Testament to the man's Legacy fought for the poor and oppressed in South America now his face has been stitched onto t-shirts by the poor and oppressed in Southeast Asia to be worn by the poor and oppressed in southeast London thank you that's what I asked what I stay when I come to London South East London can I delete sort of area as well what a knife crime not a lot of crime I I don't I don't know any other solutions to that particular problem but I think I started beating my big clothes close the shops that sell the weapons in the first place now you get these High Street shops that sell crossbows to guys and shelves shops that sell thousands of baseball bats every year but I've never sold any baseballs thank you well the pair come Rye Red Socks I've not had a game in a while one of these places done a bit of research and the only security image if you want to buy a violent weapon there's Unity fill in a form leaving your name and address so if anything happens you can be traced for questioning and that's the theory but what self-respect and not cares buying a weapon would leave the real name and address well I picture some police investigation team going through the book and saying excuse me foreign excuse me excuse me can you tell me I hope they get too seriously wind up on it free show in these tough times that's the never-ending news story in it the global economic downtime but in a double depth recession they're calling it double dip I don't even know what that means that used to be a good thing then double tap thank you oh these Bangles they've ruined dip dubs double tap America our skin I hope Africa of get some good rock bands because we need a console [Applause] as my solution is still round I can show some appeal videos about us this is Tom and Diane from Basingstoke and everybody's going oh I hate these videos they always put these videos on when you're having your teeth you notice that Tom and Diane like so many others took out a fixed rate mortgage they now find themselves in negative equity the world can be such a cool place this morning I had the cheek to complain about having to walk 20 miles for clean water foreign parks every time I click my fingers a newly married couple from Swindon have a credit card application rejected [Applause]

Channel: Live At The Apollo

Views: 628,240

Keywords: Live At The Apollo, Live At The Apollo Comedy, stand up comedy, stand up, comedy, BBC, BBC One, Apollo Theatre, live comedy, live at the apollo, comedy video, live at the apollo 2022, live at the apollo full episode, stand up 2022, kevin bridges, scottish, scotland, scottish icon, icon, iconic, #iconic, best of

Id: BGHeF09YNtM

Length: 23min 8sec (1388 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 06 2023

Reddit Comments

[u/AutoModerator]

This post has been tagged as Casual, which means that any comments relating to and/or mentioning politics will be removed by moderators.

If the flair was chosen incorrectly, please delete the post and try again with a different flair.

Thanks for your cooperation.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/fitlikeabody]

No

[u/GaryBuseysGhost]

Nope.

[u/BorisKarloff56]

He will be one day if he keeps going. Nice bloke by the sound of it.

[u/Capable_Golf9991]

No way he's an icon. Would say Frankie Boyle has more icon status than Kevin Bridges

[u/tiny-robot]

Not been around long enough yet.

[u/nerdcarnage]

Not yet maybe down the line

[u/Top_Barracuda_6365]

Hope not ?

[u/[deleted]]

Not yet, but he could potentially become one at some point