Karen Demands I Have Kids! I Get Revenge! r/EntitledPeople

hey there Mr redder here welcome back to another episode of Reddit podcast stories where today my Karen sister loses it when I tell her I don't want kids I want money my sister has a five-month-old baby her and her boyfriend are not struggling financially but their standard of living has very much decreased since giving birth they can afford the Necessities but they can't go on vacation can't go out to eat and can't afford a babysitter they also just moved into a cheaper apartment my mom has been asking my sister and the baby to move in with her so that they can save money my sister said no for more context my sister's boyfriend makes a little less than minimum wage he only works part-time at a restaurant to focus on creating his music when my sister announced they were trying for a baby my mom was really worried and she's still worried about their financial situation my sister is the primary income source for their household and my mom has been giving them some money every month I make a little more than my sister but I don't have kids so last night all of us came together for dinner my sister kept asking me when I'm going to have kids and I said I don't plan on having any she said I'll change my mind I'm almost 30. I said I probably won't and she kept pressing me on why I finally just said I don't want kids I want money and she got really quiet when dinner was over she left a voicemail to my mom crying about how I attacked her and my mom is now mad at me my mom wants me to apologize to my sister to be clear I do think my sister is in a nightmare situation but I would have said I wanted money even if she didn't have a baby I've always thought I'm not meant for Parenthood and I'd rather just be the cool fun ant that travels a lot and buys big presents from my nieces and nephews I didn't mean to insult her and I've never once commented on her financials or relationship because it's not my place am I the jerk and should I apologize not the jerk this is one of those things where context matters if you were sitting at dinner and just randomly blurted out I don't want kids I want money that would be a jerk thing to say to your sister but when she starts asking when you're gonna have kids and especially when she refused to drop it she's asking for a response like this she asked and you answered she doesn't like your answer that's on her for pressing you for one in the first place she didn't attack her you upset her by being honest and that's not your fault not the jerk and I don't think you owe her an apology but a conversation is a good idea it sounds like she's actually pretty upset herself about her finances and your response touched a nerve maybe start with something like hey it wasn't my intention to offend you in any way and I'm honestly confused as to why this upset you so much I gave you my honest answer after being pressured and I can't help feeling like maybe this is really about something else am I the jerk for belittling my sister and saying she shouldn't demand her husband help with their baby at night my husband and I went through surrogacy options and had our son four months ago we were thrilled when my sister who's 31 announced her pregnancy and we found out that we would be having kids very near the same time our niece was born a little over two months after our son my situation and my sisters closely marry each other our husbands both work typical nine to fives with 30 to 45 minute commutes my sister is a stay-at-home mom and I do freelance work from home for the first two weeks after our son was born the first of which my husband took off of work we would both take partial night shifts once I felt like I had at least some of my bearings on Parenthood I offered to take over completely on weeknights while he does mornings before work plus weekends it's a collaborative process and that breakdown of parenting just made sense to me my husband was the one leaving our home to work every day he was the one who had to be up by a specific time and make a drive at four months we no longer have this obstacle anymore and to be honest I kind of missed the sweet quiet bonding time those extra night feeds provided now that he's settled on to a nice sleep schedule and usually only wakes up once still I think we got it down to almost the perfect science before we exited the newborn stage my sister on the other hand is very much still in that phase and struggling this has been a recurring problem for her from the beginning she has been coming to me saying she's scared she's going to fall asleep holding the baby that her husband won't help her with the knife feeds Etc I try to give her tips since I've been through it I suggested she let her partner take over in the evenings six to nine PM so she can go to bed early and catch a few more hours nap when the baby naps Etc she shot down everything saying that wouldn't work for them and that she just needed her partner to do some of the night feedings I reminded her that her husband is the one commuting in the mornings and falling asleep while driving was a very real possibility and that I had lived through it and so could she I then offered to watch her daughter for a few days so she could catch up on sleep she took major offense to both of these things she said I was belittling her experience and acting like I was a better parent she said I couldn't truly empathize with her or give her valuable tips since she had been pregnant and I hadn't and that me offering to watch my niece just felt like me saying she needed help raising her own daughter my intentions were definitely not malicious and I'd like some outside perspective here am I the jerk update I have apologized because I was definitely the jerk for those comments even if I didn't intend to be my sister accepted said apology and hopefully moving forward I can truly be the listening ear she needed and not someone who offers solutions that weren't asked for especially when our circumstances aren't that similar my husband has clearly been taking on many more parenting duties than hers and she and my niece both deserve better than that full of fins yes you're the jerk your situations do not closely marry each other her experience has been very different especially considering her body is still recovering from pregnancy and giving birth which is painful and completely exhausting did she have a C-section or natural birth did she have a tear stitches these Details Matter she could also be struggling with PPD something you do not have to worry about I don't say this to belittle you I say this because you're belittling her you're turning this into a competition and it's clear you do think you're the better mother how arrogant it's normal to expect your husband to help with night feedings just because you have not needed that help likely because you didn't give birth and have absolutely no idea what that's like does not mean you get to pass judgment on your sister for having different needs every baby is different even siblings with the same parents can be entirely different if you actually want to help her stop comparing yourselves and stop acting like she's doing something wrong her baby and her schedule are her life and not yours and they are not like yours stop that be supportive and kind be a good sister my husband made our Nanny quit I 29 female and married to my husband who's 34 and we have a nanny who's 21. we hired our Nanny over a year ago when I was pregnant with our daughter while I had a toddler who was two at the time who's now four and I couldn't do much work and my husband couldn't be with me all the time due to his work she's amazing with our girls she has helped me so much during the last few months of my pregnancy and especially postpartum none of my friends are pregnant yet so they couldn't always help me and I don't have Mom nor am I close with my mother-in-law I didn't have anyone to confide in like that our nanny has so much experience and was so amazing to me she made me amazing soups and stews from her culture that were made to help pregnant women it was amazing she would make my toddler have quiet time which was even more amazing she's always on time she's very clean an amazing cook really fun with the girls and a good teacher as well our Nanny and my husband only met once and that was during our Zoom meeting and they have never met after that since she gets here after my husband leaves and leaves before he comes back they've never crossed paths before three weeks ago me and husband got really sick so my husband stayed home from work due to how sick I was I forgot to relay this information to our Nanny our baby has been extremely clingy the past few months and will cry if left alone I usually bring her in the bathroom with me but the bathroom downstairs is much smaller so our Nanny can do that as comfortably she decided to just start using the bathroom with the door cracked open and would give our baby a toy outside so she's not tempted to come in but can still see her I'm aware of this and I'm fine with it since it's only us girls at home while my husband was home unbeknownst to her she went to use the bathroom with the door open and my husband saw her she completely freaked out and apologized profusely I had no issue and apologized to her that I forgot to let her know my husband was home everything was fine but I sent she was extremely uncomfortable which I kept apologizing for the next few days my husband started going to work late and coming home early to which there would be more interactions between him and the nanny when I hired our Nanny one of the things she told me was that she wasn't comfortable with adult men in the house which was not a problem since our Arrangement didn't allow it when he would see her he kept trying to make personal conversations with our Nanny redirected to our girls last week she spoke with me and reminded me of the agreement we had which was no adult men in the house and that she was uncomfortable I completely understood where she was coming from I spoke with my husband and he apologized to her and me the next day he went to work normal then two days later he told me he had to work from home since his office is getting worked on we talked to our Nanny and my husband told us that he would stay upstairs the whole time which worked for the rest of the week Monday he accidentally forgot his coffee and went to get it while our Nanny was there he was asking your personal questions he asked her how her weekend was when she responded good and then he had the nerve to ask her if she saw her boyfriend she responded no and that she didn't have one he went on to ask her what type of men she was into I was downstairs quickly to stop it I apologize to our Nanny when we got upstairs I yelled at him for talking to her like that and reminded him what he agreed to and that he was to stay away from her I noticed he was monitoring The Nanny cam a lot and he told me that he was just checking in on the girls yesterday I had a really bad stomach ache because I'm lactose intolerant and my husband accidentally put whole milk in both of our coffees I asked him to go in the day with the nanny and lock up the door after that unbeknownst to me he started asking her what type of men she was into and was telling her how he's dated black women before and is into them our nanny is black and I'm not he also jokingly grabbed her shoulders to pick her up and move her aside to get to the fridge why didn't he just say excuse me is beyond me right now last night our Nanny tried calling me but I was sleeping because I took some medicine for my stomach I woke up today to see a text from her that she was quitting because she didn't feel comfortable coming to the house anymore I texted and called her and she hasn't picked off I'm beyond angry at my husband and I took some time to calm down but really I can't I don't think I can replace her and truly I don't want to I don't want to start this all over again we know each other so well we have inside jokes we have memories that I can't recreate she is someone I have felt comfortable enough to confide in with everything she's been with me throughout special moments with the kids and even for me I'm not upset with her at all and completely understand why she's shaken up by all of this so I've accepted giving her some space I just really wasn't prepared for this edit first for people saying our nanny is wrong because my husband lives here and should be comfortable she came highly recommended from a woman from our church and we wanted her she gave us her requirements and one of them was that she's uncomfortable working with adult men in the house we agreed including my husband whenever he has finished work early he stops by somewhere else to work or hang out until Nanny leaves Nanny isn't mentally ill for not wanting men in the house she's explained to me that she's had issues with husbands making weird advances or sometimes wives accusing her of things so to avoid problems she just doesn't want them in the house second I still have a nanny because I'm now trying to work third I do not like my husband nor do I condone his behavior we have had issues since he became useless to our family my needs weren't grave when I was pregnant I just needed certain foods medicine and help with showers but he wouldn't help with anything and this was with our first kid and the second one we got a nanny I've thought about divorce but I kind of need his money if it was just me I would have divorced him already but I have kids so I'm aware of what he was trying to do I have talked to and scolded him fourth I usually make our coffees but he made them yesterday because baby kept me up all night and he was home I put the drink in glass containers with labels that it would be easy to mix up it also tasted the same update I didn't marry my husband for the money we dated when I was in college and then he proposed we loved each other a lot and everything was great in our marriage when I got pregnant with our first it was good he was helpful then somewhere along the line he just started becoming distant I always handled everything in the house since I didn't work but even in the third trimester he refused to help and would always say he's tired but would play basketball outside or video games he started working later and it caused some problems we got couples counseling and it fixed some things and we were pretty good hence the second kid happened the second pregnancy was really bad I mean at my first trimester I was in and out of the hospital and went at home walking or standing was really hard so I would need help getting to the shower and things like that or my medication which he didn't help with and avoided me so there would be days where our daughter would only eat leftover snacks from our room because I couldn't move if you asked him were the cleaning supplies are in the house he wouldn't know because he's never cleaned it before and he buy food on the way home and eat and then when he'd get home he'd say that he forgot and offer to go get some knowing that where we live it would have to be a 20-minute drive and by the time he'll get home the baby would already be sleeping people who said our Nanny was being prioritized over my husband is ridiculous my husband isn't trapped in the house and we didn't move our lives around the nanny the hour she's here is when my husband is at work he chose to avoid seeing her and that's why if he finished early he wouldn't come home what a jerk your husband is oh Lord reading this was pretty infuriating what a massive jerk your husband is op divorcing is really the best solution at this point also why is the sitter getting trashed by some of the commenters she's completely innocent I broke up with my fiance and he says he'll call the police if I take our cat with me when I move me and my ex found a kitten in the backyard back in June I've been paying for all of her food litter toys and carrier and I'll be paying for the vet appointments too in a week for the entire time that we've had her I have proof and store receipts of me paying for all of her things he hasn't paid a single Cent for her he never has money and has had three different jobs since we moved in together in March I'm leaving him and he says I can't take her with me he does not clean her litter box or feed her and I have video proof he also trashes the room and never cleans it and I have video proof If I left her with him she would be alone all day for five days a week for the two days that he is home all he does is play video games all day he says if I bring the cat with me when I move he will call the police what can I do update so on my last post a lot of people mentioned that I should make sure I wouldn't be responsible for the lease when I move and maybe I should have explained the situation more me and my ex rented a room in a house we have a live-in landlord who is pretty relaxed and another roommate he's very understanding and I would not have been responsible for the lease after moving out even if my ex did not pay I also remember someone else asking how it was possible that I have proof of him not doing things I basically had Blog videos of the days and the time stamps of the litter box not being cleaned and me cleaning them up and text messages and videos of me having conversations with him about how I'm the only one taking care of her and him admitting it on camera and then in text that was the proof that I had today my ex moved out when I made my last post he said he was going to stay and pay rent without me but before the month was up he decided to move back in with his parents today his whole family came to the house to take his things into a U-Haul his father came at me going off at me which I have video of and his mother came into the room and took my cat's cat tree that the landlord gifted to me that's fine because I've already ordered the exact same one and it's gonna get here in a few days they're insane people and I'm so glad to have them out of my life the cat is with me I took her to the vet the other day and got her vaccinations and got her chipped and registered in my name and when my ex found out he was very mad but he would not have been able to afford 581 dollars anyway my ex also said that he was going to take all of my things back that he bought for me when we first started dating like my Xbox and my TV and my headset but I flat out refused and I told him that I legally do not have to give those things back and he did not try to fight me on those because he already has his own Xbox and TV so that's the update I have my cat and I have all my things and he's out of my life for good until I have to take him to court to fix the whole front bumper and hood of my car for crashing into a dining room table chair on a highway when I let him drive my car home from work that's a whole nother story am I the jerk for demanding that my husband pays half of the takeaway food we order my husband 40 male and I 35 female have very different jobs basically I make double than what he does and he argues that I should pay for takeaway food especially because I'm the wife and I should be the one to cook therefore if I cannot cook then I should make up for it by paying for takeaway since he already shares the split bill for food groceries and rent to give you a little bit of context I've just taken on a new role at the start of this month as a head of a department with six new members of staff and a lot of loose ends to tie from previous leadership we both wake up at 4 30 a.m and while he gets home at around 3 30 PM I find myself arriving around 5 30 pm on a light day his job involves food processing and while it is a labor process when he leaves his workplace that's the end of the day for him whereas I come home and continue working from home including weekends until around 9pm when I just pass out as I'm too tired for him home time means 90 being on his phone or laptop watching videos and playing games making coffee and smoking cigarettes I'm not going to lie and say he never helps he does clean the bathroom and Hoover's occasionally once a month and does the dishes not without complaining though now it has come to a point where a few months ago while he had one too many drinks he told everyone at the table that he was investing all of his money into my backside this is when I started downloading every single receipt for grocery phone bills rent Uber drives take away holiday accommodations everything all paid for by me his argument is that some of those trips were things that I wanted to do or see which is why I never approached anything to him however the fishing trips that he wanted so much also came out of my own pocket and I never asked him a dime for it last month as we were mostly on holiday he only contributed worth around two hundred dollars towards monthly expenses with food rent bills which again I did not complain about as I knew that he wasn't paid for most of that month but now once he's working he's refusing to give me anything that is beyond rent bills and groceries stating that I'm the woman of the house and it's my job to do the cooking I told him that I am spread thin these days until everything is more streamlined with everything at work and that maybe he could cook every now and then or heat some ready-made food microwave or oven but he asked me what was the point of him getting married if he was going to do the cooking himself so am I the jerk for wanting the bills to be shared equally if both of us are eating also not one single time when I asked him about ordering did he mention the fact that I would have to pay for all of it in certain instances he was even the one asking me to order food edit for those wondering why we have separate finances it's because whenever he had access to money he just spent it on all sorts of fishing gear also for those wondering why I'm still with them or what I get out of this marriage it's simple I love him I suggested counseling but he laughed in my face saying I'm crazy and he doesn't need someone else to tell him what to do when he already knows what he wants I will suggest the 1 3 to 2 3 Split for all shared bills though not sure what to do about holidays and other expenses I feel that he will still expect me to pay for those so we'll need to sit down and have a long conversation about expectations not the jerk but why did you marry him I would separate finances immediately don't pay for anything for him anymore if you order food order only for yourself he can find out himself how to get food if someone ever would tell me that they are investing all their money into my backside honestly I'd be gone especially if I make more money than them but also if I'm earning less it would be too disrespectful in my eyes am I the jerk for saying I won't pick up my niece from school anymore if my brother and sister-in-law keep acting like this both of my brothers rely heavily on our family me 24 female my mom and my dad for child care due to passings on the other sides of their family Etc none of us mind we all adore their kids and love spending time with them but you give them an inch and they take a mile they asked for an extra day a week my parents said they were sorry but they didn't think they could handle it so they started on the but we can't afford child care it's such a shame our kids might have to do without things they like because we have to spend more on Child Care Bear in mind one family brings in 130 000 a year the other brings in around 80 to 90 000 a year Child Care is expensive sure but they're also both very financially comfortable I'm picking up my niece from the family earning 130 000 plus from school for a couple days because their other child care plans fell through and they're unable to I don't mind I adore her but she's definitely a lot of work I don't have my own kids so after a few hours I'm tired it gets to be a lot and I definitely enjoy my peace when she's gone they're now dropping hints to me that they're exhausted they don't enjoy the school run in the mornings and essentially they're trying to get me to agree to having her sleep over tomorrow night and again on Tuesday night which is a ton more work it means I have to be up a good hour earlier for work and I'll be late to work due to having to drop her off at school which is 20 minutes in the opposite direction in my office I told them if they didn't stop they would have to figure out alternative arrangements for the school run they're fuming saying I would eventually leave my niece confused upset and alone at school because I can't be bothered to pick her up obviously I would never leave my niece on her own at school but to be honest I don't enjoy it when she stays over she takes a lot of energy and I enjoy my own routine and time in the evenings I know if I ever have kids that'll change but for now I don't have kids and I don't want them I feel like they just take and take and take they never pay for after school clubs or breakfast clubs if they want a night away they always expect free babysitting from me I've watched one of my nieces before needed a lift afterwards and my sister-in-law just called a taxi for me and expected me to pay for it they always say they owe me one but what can they owe me when I babysit at their houses I take my own dinner and snacks the most I have is water I never get paid I don't have my own kids and even if I did they'd be too tired to babysit no doubt I just feel a bit annoyed that they expect so much from me when I'm 24 and trying to live my own life not the jerk their whole argument is that child care is expensive but they want you to pick up child care responsibilities that you aren't comfortable with for free you already have a job and you're helping out where you can if they want you to babysit as well as do the school run ask to be compensated for it likelihood is dependent on Audacity that they'll probably stop asking and just be grateful for the school run help paid for babysitting isn't as attractive as free family owing family babysitting my Karen X demands I pay child support for a kid that's not even mine my sister is on her side some years ago I dated a girl the relationship was bad she was very controlling and she mistreated me it ended up really bad and we broke up I kept going on with my life and after some years I got a decent job enough to solve all of my needs have a comfortable life and make some savings the thing is a couple of months after getting my job my ex contacted me she first asked me to talk and I believed that she may want to reconnect or something but she showed up with a five-year-old claiming that he was my son and demanding that I pay child support I didn't believe her but the kids age matched the time that we could contact I got advice from a lawyer a friend of mine to try to solve this out of court I offered to take responsibility pay all of the costs and be an active part of the kid's life only after taking a DNA test everyone was okay with this except for my ex she acted offended and demanded to just give her the money that she deserved she used all the excuses she could she even contacted my family and told them I was trying to avoid taking responsibility of my kid when she ran out of excuses and the DNA test was finally done surprise eyes I'm not the father she was so mad with the result and she cried about the money saying it was unfair and she deserved it but she didn't accomplish anything moving on to the last week there was a little party at my parents house my brother a friend and I were talking and my brother started a joke about the situation with my ex my friend and I started to joke about it too some of our comments were a little dark and bad but we were far away from the rest of the people literally we were on the opposite side of the house and nobody else could hear us at least that's what we thought we were laughing like crazies when my sister appeared very angry and she pushed me against the wall she spied on us and heard our conversation and she was really mad she started to yell at us about how horrible people we were for making fun of a poor woman a few hours later when the party ended she asked me to go to the kitchen with our parents and she started to say how awful I was for the previous situation apparently my ex had been in contact with her and she believed her version and that was her way to have an intervention my brother and I were like are you serious when she started to say how I forced my ex into being a single mother and that I have the moral obligation to help her my dad only said that maybe we were being too cruel making jokes about her but that I wasn't responsible for her kid my mom then surprised all of us when she said even if the kid is not yours you are making more than enough money to support that kid you should have helped her since then I've been receiving texts my dad and my brother are on my side saying I'm not responsible for the kid but my sister is telling me how horrible I am for ruining their lives my mom only said it's your decision and I respect it I'm just very disappointed that you ended up being so selfish I'm aware that she doesn't deserve my money and I'm not planning to give her any but the constant harassment of my sister trying to guilt me is just exhausting tell your sister if she's so concerned she should give your ex money since she has as much to do with conceiving that baby as you did it's not just that but she also clearly cheated on him while they were together and then she tried to scam him into claiming that the child was his so she doesn't deserve a penny from him you're the jerk I know this opinion won't be popular but hear me out you're obviously a dude and you made it clear that you make a lot of money big surprise there with the pay Gap and whatnot guys can basically walk into anywhere and get hired on the spot with that in mind this is your ex she at some point meant something to you now she's asking you for help and you refuse to help even though you can't afford to you're no better than Elon Musk or Jeff bozos men with too much money and no desire to help others are not making the world a better place your sister is right that you are heartless this is why I never agreed to paternity tests I live a good life and have multiple sources of income through child support through multiple men and my unemployment due to my social anxiety is there a chance some of these men might not be the fathers sure but at the end of the day they are Manning up and helping provide for kids who need them I can't wait for paternity tests to be outlawed you mess around you will find out you want the reward of what we can offer but refuse to support us when we need help this is why I don't feel bad about the 60k a year I bring in off guys like you somebody's got some issues well who do you think is the jerk op or his ex please let us know I think that last commenter is the biggest jerk of them all but that X is a close second why not go after the real baby daddy for child support am I the jerk for sending my son to school with less food and explicitly telling him not to share with his best friend this situation began a year ago and it blew up in our faces last week my son Gregory is 13 years old he just began the eighth grade his friend Peter is also 13 and he began the eighth grade also Gregory and Peter have been friends since elementary school last year I noticed that Gregory would be ravenously hungry after school every single day he would come home and eat a frozen dinner or something and then help himself the seconds at dinner time I chalked this up to him being a growing boy and I let it go something about the situation was nahinami though and while Gregory wasn't clear about why at first he eventually came clean Peter was being sent school every day with no lunch it looks to me like a typical case of neglect and unfit parents the one time that Gregory went to their house he came home with comments about it smelling really bad and Peter's parents locking themselves in the garage for hours feeling bad for Peter I decided to discreetly begin giving Gregory more food each day just about doubling all of his food over time I became less discreet and began packing a separate lunch for Peter I was never thanked for this by anyone but I knew Peter was eating the food that I sent this year things are different money is tighter for personal reasons and frankly with how expensive things are I've decided not to spend exorbitant amounts of money supporting someone else's kid I set Gregory down and told him that I would be packing him one lunch which is for him and him alone I made it extremely clear do not share with anyone and this includes Peter Gregory followed my instruction until one day last week I got a phone call from Peter's mother she was livid that I had cut Peter off without a single word I asked her when it became my responsibility to feed her son and she responded that if she had known I wasn't sending Gregory to school with too much food she would have handled it herself I asked if she remembered why I began sending him to school with two lunches in the first place and she hung up on me I feel conflicted I know I'm having my kindness thrown back in my face but did I approach this situation incorrectly I'm thinking you're about 50 50 here it's understandable that you can't take on the burden of feeding Peter but you didn't mention that you contacted anyone at the school and made them aware of the situation they have people who deal with this type of stuff that's the part of you that is the jerk I was thinking you're the jerk for not having reported this to the authorities already but the school administration would be a good plan too especially when op's son said that the friend's parents locked themselves in the garage for hours this is backwards where's the blame on Peter's actual mom or the school counselors how is this somehow only op's problem this sub is a mess blaming op when she's the only one who stepped up no good deed goes unrewarded I hate to say you're the jerk in this situation but you are not for how you handled the mother but because as far as Peter himself knows you did cut him off without a word he's the only one who suffered here and while you're correct that it's not technically your responsibility and your family absolutely needs to come first in terms of tighter finances for any reason yes you did handle this incorrectly everyone sucks here except the kids kids going hungry is everyone's business and he was relying on you you make no mention of trying to contact anyone about this or trying to find another solution you just cut off his access to food if you can't afford it or don't want to feed this kid that's your prerogative but then you need to reach out to those who can you talk to the school district you talk to the PTA you talk to whoever you need to you don't just turn a blind eye to a kid going hungry and say not my kid not my problem for all you know that lunch was the only meal he was getting every day why didn't you reach out to his parents ever this is your son's best friend and it sounds like you don't know them or have any idea what their home life is like at all why didn't you reach out to the school to see what low income support they might have to make sure that this kid didn't go hungry I'm really disheartened to see how many people here have said not the jerk and that it isn't your problem you haven't made any effort to see if this kid is neglected or if the family is just extremely poor you're not the jerk for not being able to afford to feed a kid that's not yours but you are the jerk for washing your hands of the situation completely and making your kid cruelly withhold food from his best friend well what do you think is Opie a jerk for how they handled this or not please let us know no good deed goes unpunished always remember that my long-lost daughter is demanding I pay for her College it's been one heck of a month so some things I say might not even make sense I 40 male recently found out that I have a kid who will call Jane who's 18. I wasn't convinced at first but everything checks out when she came to me she told me that she just wanted to get to know her father I wasn't really interested in a relationship but I felt it would be cruel and unnecessary to deny her this we talked for a while and I didn't really say much but it was interesting so after we talked for a while I asked her about her mother Grace who's 40 and she gives me her number I really didn't want to have to call her but I needed answers so Grace and I decided to meet up at our local coffee shop we have some small talk for a while before I ask her why she never told me silence I ask again silence I ask a third time and she told me that she just didn't want anything to do with me and wanted to get back at me I point out that all she did was deprive her kid of a father I asked her when did she tell Jane she says at age 12 so I get confused and I'm wondering why she only contacts me now so I ask her why Grace says that she was angry that I wasn't present in her life we talk some more about life before we say goodbye and go our separate ways I don't ask Jane why she didn't call sooner because she was a hurting teenager and that's life so Jane and I spent the next week bonding then she sits down and asks to talk I say sure and I sit down then she goes on to explain about how difficult her life was living in a single parent household and how money was always tight long story short she asks me to pay for her University fees now I'm well off enough to pay for it without struggle so I asked to see her grades and to be truly honest they weren't very good not bad but nothing to give a second look I tell her that I'll think about it and she says thank you so here's where I might be the jerk I don't want to pay for the fees because in reality she's just a stranger with my DNA and I feel like Jane might just be using me I mean she's had six years to start a relationship with me and is only doing so now that she needs money I just want to wash my hands clean of her and Grace and move on with my life I don't want Jane to think I'm her financial Lifeline or anything like that so Reddit am I the jerk edit to add some stuff because of the comments 1. I did a DNA test it was what she wanted me to do to prove herself 2. child support laws are different in my country in the sense that a you can't claim unclaimed child support if you had the option to claim it B child support can't be settled after 18 unless the father knowingly disappeared and that would take months to process let alone prove 3. Jane had the ability to contact me I don't know how much influence her mother had on her choice but I do know that I was a dial away four I was never mad at Jane for not contacting me I knew that she was a hurting teenager who doesn't know her father and could be scared to do so I was confused in the moment not the jerk but neither is Jane Grace is a tremendous jerk to both of you I do encourage you to seriously consider contributing to Jane's University expenses not to say you should or should not contribute just seriously and honestly consider it think about her position no father in her life and a mother who won't answer any questions she's had for the first 12 years then who knows what context Grace gave when she finally did tell her I'll bet she never said I told your father about you because I wanted to spite him and I didn't care what effect that had on your childhood despite that being the truth instead she undoubtedly made you into the bad guy Jane had no way of knowing better and you should be sympathetic to that I don't think you're a jerk no matter what you decide just don't do anything despite Jane she's had enough of that already there's no reason op should need to feel sympathetic or be a jerk for not being sympathetic here Jane while yes is his biological daughter is really a stranger and only really reaching out for cash this is my view I'm also forced to wonder how much contact Jane will keep up after getting a payout it's pretty crazy to ask for that kind of money only a week after meeting not the jerk best options are all I can give you right now is this amount or I'm sorry things may have been different if I had known I had someone's College to save for but I have not prepared for that expense if she takes out loans which it sounds like it's likely if he doesn't agree to help for a large portion he can always see if she sticks around and actually seems to want to get to know him without the option of major financial support and then choose to pay off some portion of her loans when they are due down the line assuming she continues to make an effort when the possibility of money isn't a factor if he says all I can give you right now is this amount or I'm sorry things may have been different if I had known I had College to save for she will either react by cutting contact because she was using him and gotta know and that's the end of it or she will stay in contact if she also genuinely wanted to get to know him if she stays in meaningful contact and doesn't make a habit of asking for money or favors then maybe he'll help her with her loans down the line once she's no longer a stranger who may or may not be reaching out just for a money grab then he'll be able to have time to see whether her intentions were mostly good whether there is a bigger place to be had in each other's lives and can get to know her or find out her true colors without the pressure of that expectation hanging over them alternatively I don't think it would be unreasonable to just gently refuse and cut contact if op really wants to her mother had ample time and opportunity to include him in and prepare him for the responsibility and she chose not to while there's a lot of room to roll with the situation and see if there's any chance to make up some of the lost time and bond with her ultimately her mom made the decision to cut him out until now and any Fallout from him not contributing or not wanting to be part of her life after missing her entire childhood as a result of her choice and her mess to clean up if he doesn't want to be part of their life at all yeah it might feel bad for him for a while but it's ultimately not his fault that he wasn't given the chance to make a meaningful bond with his kid to feel comfortable dropping large sums of money on her education am I the jerk for ruining your proposal at a wedding so I 27 male am a part-time DJ I mostly DJ for just family and friends I'm not really a professional just do it for a little side cache from time to time last weekend I got invited to DJ on the cheap at a wedding for a friend of a friend at the wedding while everyone was on the Dance Floor one of the guests who we'll call Kevin approached me and asked if I could play the song golden hour it was an odd request because at the time all the guests were literally hopping around and dancing but I was told to take all requests so I did it anyways when I started playing it the Dance Floor started to clear up and then Kevin invited a woman onto the dance floor they started slow dancing for a bit a few people joined them including the bride in the groom then at one part of the song Kevin got down on one knee and I knew right away that he was going to propose I didn't think it was right especially because they were in the middle of the dance floor with all eyes on them and I kind of felt like if this happened I would take the fault because I was the one who put on the romantic song out of nowhere so instead of letting that happen as soon as he pulled out the box I started to play Boogie and turned up the volume instead after that Kevin just side-eyed me and got up and everyone else sat down after that nothing else really happened and the tension was very thick after the wedding no one really brought it up and I obviously thought that I wasn't the jerk and the friend that was friends with the bride said that I wasn't but then a bunch of the family started to message me it turns out that Kevin was the bride's brother and the family kept asking why I did that I told them that proposing in someone else's wedding was not appropriate they told me that I shouldn't have an opinion because I was just the DJ and now Kevin got publicly humiliated because some people knew this was going to happen so they were taking videos and live on Instagram so all their friends could see I responded with that would have made the newlyweds hurt but then they came back with you shouldn't have assumed that the bride didn't want that that part got me thinking because I was mostly communicating with the bride about arrangements and she was very chatty before the wedding but after that she kept giving me one word answers so I assume she's mad at me but then again when she paid me she almost doubled the amount for what I was asking for with a generous tip so I'm not sure if the bride actually knew I think she would have told me but am I the jerk for just assuming ETA a lot of people said to ask the bride in Groom I did but like I said their answers were vague bride said it was fine but it was probably just to spare my feelings I didn't want to push because she clearly had a lot on her mind in the moment if the bride knew this was going to happen and approved it she should have told you beforehand going with not the jerk your heart was in the right place protect the bride and groom's day yeah maybe hindsight is 20 20 here but if I'm the guy proposing I'm making sure every important person like the DJ you're requesting a special song from is in the know make sure one of the Bride or groom tells them that it's chill if the guy uses their wedding as the spot to propose honestly I'd want both the bride and groom to tell the DJ together that it's okay maybe I'm just an over analyzer but I would be playing out every possible thing that could ruin the proposal before actually doing it and making sure those things are figured out and if I can't show it all up then I'm not proposing agree 100 if I'm the DJ ain't no chance I'm honoring a request like that without getting verbal face-to-face approval from bride in the groom and I want a third party witness there to verify preferably one of the other vendors proposing at someone else's wedding is very tacky what if the bride was put on the spot and she secretly is happy that you messed it up takes the pressure off of her and lets her have her own wedding I think your bank account agrees not the jerk sister-in-law gives me unwanted parenting advice huge mistake I 36 female have a beautiful baby who's 10 months old who was christened last Saturday my twin and his wife who's 41 female flew in for the christening with my nieces seven and five they live in another state and I paid for their flights because they live with a modest income and she's a stay-at-home mom the day before the christening when they arrived my son was crying and we tried his usual self-soothing techniques but he wouldn't stop my sister-in-law said we should just give him his pacifier I told her we don't use pacifiers and he's never had one over the next few days it was a similar Rodeo baby cry and we would use self-soothing techniques and sister-in-law would mention how pacifiers would soothe him well after the christening upon her suggestion once again to give my crying son a pacifier I snapped and in a room full of friends and family I said I would never take parenting advice from a 41 year old woman that still lives on her parents property cannot hold down a job so she's a stay-at-home mom then my retired parents have to send money every month to help them make ends meet and whose five-year-old still uses a pacifier to soothe herself and proudly shows them off a five-year-old whose mouth is so Jagged and ruined that she and my brother will probably have to ask me and my husband for money for Orthodontics care because they can't afford it she's a prime example of what not to do when raising kids well obviously the room was silent and she ran off crying and she and my brother left they only came back that evening but she nor my brother said anything to me they left the next day to the airport my brother said I have to apologize and it was unfair of me to throw their finances in their faces while I apologized for that I said I would not apologize for telling her the fact about my niece's situation and I told him that on multiple occasions both I and my husband he's a pediatrician have warned them about the negative effects of a pacifier on a kid my brother told me to mind my own business and I said I gladly would as long as his wife Minds hers now my parents are telling me to apologize Again Naturally my friends are on my side so internet am I the jerk edit one to those saying I'm a bad parent because my son is constantly crying he's teething and we have various self-soothing techniques we use including self-soothing music his Sophie classic teething toy his soothing support stuffy Etc 2. brother and sister-in-law asked husband and I pediatrician and surgeon for medical advice regarding five-year-old niece still using pacifiers we warned them on multiple occasions about the negative effects of pacifiers on kids her age they just failed to implement medical advice three I do not have a temper I was very stressed however I will be reaching out to sister-in-law in a few days to speak with her directly and apologize for my hurtful Outburst 4. the comments about the finances yes I am upset because my brother is upset about their finances and wants her to get a job to help burden the load his words he's in grad school after a layoff to get a better opportunity for his family he wishes she would help she stopped working six months into her first pregnancy and never went back you could have said thank you for the suggestion but we choose not to use pacifiers and I expect you to respect our parenting choices even if you make other choices instead You Dropped a Bomb destroying her entire life you're the jerk frankly no apology is ever going to repair that kind of a contemptuous string of insults if you intended to sever that relationship mission accomplished you're the jerk it's a pacifier and you made that into an opportunity to get dirty and personal you went for the jugular over a pacifier the criticisms you made do not reflect on her parenting they're personal yes a five-year-old is beyond a pacifier but guess what no parent is perfect you aren't and there will be plenty of people who pass judgment on you for your choices too you haven't described any behavioral issues just a pacifier and janky teeth your baby doesn't even have teeth so what does her employment status living situation and finances have to do with either of your parenting choices saying that she's a prime example of what not to do in raising kids based solely on socioeconomical factors is really not cool it seems like you just don't like this woman and you are looking for an excuse to feel Justified and making cruel and unnecessary personal insults you are horrible to them over tiny comments about a tiny issue I can't imagine how nasty you get over actual stuff you're the jerk you're the jerk you seem oddly proud of your kid not using a pacifier pacifier use has actually recommended to help prevent sins your husband the pediatrician should know this you're the jerk dang girl you went full cycle people are annoying sometimes family is usually extra annoying you don't respond by insulting every facet of someone's life just for being annoying I mean clearly you do but that's What Makes You The Jerk here may I suggest a pacifier it may help soothe you in the future not the jerk obviously your sister-in-law doesn't know how to read the room and sister-in-law owes you an apology not the other way around sounds like your parents want to keep the beast at any cost maybe it's time to go low contact with them until they learn to respect you in your parenting decisions hopefully your brother and sister-in-law will be too embarrassed to ask you and your husband for any future financial support but that's very unlikely because people like them rarely change maybe I'm crazy but I don't think a mom who has a five-year-old with messed up teeth from still using a pacifier is the best place to get parenting advice am I the jerk for not sharing my inheritance with my sister since she chose to be adopted I 30 male lost my mom when I was five despite being so young I had very Vivid and Treasured Memories of my mom it did not take to my dad dating a year after her passing well my dad recognized that he knew this would be hard for me but said that as the parent slash adult he knew what was best even if it didn't seem that way at first and that he had thanked me in the long run not long after that he married my stepmom Lucy and when I began to act out over it my dad said that parenting alone was hard and that my sister Jessica who's 28 now needed a mom my dad even got my maternal grandparents to tell me that everything would be fine and how I needed to be a good boy that was enough to get me to behave during the wedding but once Lucy moved in and started redecorating I started acting out again my dad had had enough and just started punishing me whenever I acted out or made Lucy upset as well as use the Jessica isn't acting out like this and to be honest Jessica was easily pleased and wasn't old enough to have had the same attachment to our mom that I did it really upset me when Jessica started calling Lucy mom and it really ticked me off when Lucy started referring to me as her son I always corrected it when she tried that around me it got worse when I was eight and Lucy had her own kids because then my dad and her started pushing for adoption Jessica obviously had no problems with it but I refused my dad had my maternal grandparents come in again and tell me that adoption wouldn't be that bad but I still refused Lucy and my dad pushed for the adoption anyway and thankfully the judge listened to my feelings in a private room and denied it after that therapy started but it didn't last so they also tried the since you don't want to be part of this family you don't get this or you can't come to this but I was too stubborn for that method to work on me the only one who I felt was on my side was my paternal Aunt who kept sticking up for me whenever she had seen what Lucy and my dad were trying to do so when I turned 18 I went straight to her it was when I became a legal adult and my maternal grandparents confessed that they were never okay with the situation but my dad threatened to keep me and my sister away if they didn't show support I was Furious so Furious that I had my surname legally changed to my mom's maiden name as I wanted nothing to do with my dad and only ever really talk to my paternal aunt fast forward to now and my grandma has passed grandpa passed in 2020 and according to their will only their legal grandchildren are to split the 250 000 inheritance and since Jessica is legally Lucy's daughter all she got was a framed photo of my mom in the letter Jessica doesn't think it's fair and thinks I should share but I told her to get money from her legal grandparents my aunt thinks I'm being a bit harsh so am I the jerk ETA because someone asked it had been two years since the last time she had spoken to either of my grandparents while she frequently called and interacted with Lucy's parents Jessica was never close to my mom's side of the family because she'd rather spend time with Lucy's family and or didn't want to hurt their feelings ETA 2 again since someone asked when Lucy moved in she and my dad took down all of my mom's pictures and got rid of her things I wasn't allowed to keep any pictures in my room and I would catch heat if I tried to celebrate my mom's birthday mourn on the anniversary of her passing and get punished if I didn't celebrate Mother's Day the way Lucy wanted me to so yeah she wasn't this saint of a woman who stepped in when my mom wasn't there edit three because I'm starting to see the same thing I don't blame Jessica for choosing to be adopted now I'm angry at her belief that she should get any money from my grandparents despite never showing an interest in having a relationship with them when she was 18. they reached out numerous times but she never bothered yet has the belief that she's entitled to their money that's what ticked me off two my mom has a sister who also had kids I'm not getting the full 250 000 three no I don't expect anyone from Lucy's side to leave me anything nor would I demand Jessica to share it would be completely hypocritical not the jerk interesting how she only wants to be family now that money is involved not the jerk your grandparents had plenty of time to change their will they use the specific term legal grandkids for a specific reason because they wanted you to inherit from them they assume Lucy will inherit from her other grandparents and she probably will or if your dad is still sore you may be excluded from his will and they wanted to make sure you were adequately covered okay so a few things here firstly you seem incredibly immature and I had to genuinely do a double take at the end to check your age because this post seems like it was written by a 16 year old secondly in instances where a kid is adopted by someone such as a stepmother then grandparents rights can actually be established in the courts for things like visitation also your grandparents treated her like theirs even if they didn't have a great relationship for their whole lives my thoughts would be that if the will were to be contested by your sister then she would have a decent chance of success you seem incredibly bitter that your sister who has only ever known one mother chose to be adopted by her which on the face of it seems like a good thing you pride yourself on acting out against Lucy and hating her referring to you as her son even though legally she was acting as your parent Jessica was six when she showed an openness to being adopted by the only mother she's ever known and clearly you still can't stand her for it that's genuinely one of the weirdest things I've ever seen has it ever occurred to you that your your grandparents were actually okay with it but then out of spite to your dad afterwards they said they weren't that's a distinct possibility you say that Jessica got a framed photo of my mom but utterly failed to see that my mom was also Jessica's mom legal adoption after the passing of a parent is very different to people who are adopted through the system so to speak everyone sucks here apart from Jessica but especially you you can't stand your dad for moving on and bringing what sounds like a nice person into you and your sister's life your dad doesn't sound amazing by any means but I honestly would take what your grandparents said about him with a pinch of salt am I the jerk for telling my husband my kids will not be supporting my stepson at sports games anymore my husband and I have been married for six years and together for Aid he has a 15 year old son Lucas Lucas mother passed when he was five years old I came into our marriage with Brynn who is 11 now and Miley who is nine together my husband and I have Alec who is five so Brynn and Miley are Lucas stepsisters and Alec is his half-brother Lucas has this trinket box with a couple of small trinkets inside of it that his mom left for him when she passed he keeps it in his room mostly but he likes to sometimes walk around with it in his hand I've always told my kids it is not theirs they are not to touch it unless Lucas says they can and they cannot pester him about it when we first got married Miley was really fascinated with it and did want to touch it but I nipped that in the bud since it was so special regarding the dynamic Lucas is very closed off from me and the kids I've always done my best to bond with him but he is so withdrawn around me and therapy which we did when we first got married did not get us onto a path of being close though I never expected to be his mom and I don't want that considered about a month ago we were having dinner and my husband cracked a joke that Lucas seemed to care more about the trinket box than us after Lucas refused to let Alec get a closer look at it Lucas said very seriously that the Box meant more than me and the kids and he would gladly trade us to save the box if anything happened to it my husband was shocked Lucas spoke so seriously and the girls got upset about it Alec wasn't paying attention when it was said my husband took Lucas aside to speak with him and I spoke to the girls they told me Lucas had said that before that he would trade our lives to save his box that we better hope he's never asked to save one of us or the Box because the box would win he said this to them on a few occasions over a period of time they never told me because they didn't know how to bring it up he told Alec the same as well my husband said Lucas would need some therapy because he saw nothing wrong with saying that honestly I told him he was saying it and more to the kids when we didn't overhear my husband said therapy would get to the bottom of things a few days later Lucas is telling Brynn he'd save his friends over the box but not her I told my husband about it and he said it would be mentioned to the therapist he had a consultation with one the next day Lucas argued that he didn't need therapy and just because he doesn't care about us or our lives doesn't mean there's something wrong with him I told my husband that given Lucas attitude towards the kids they will no longer show up to cheer him on at any of his sports games or the like my husband argued that we're still a family I told him my kids do not need to cheer on the boy who has told them to their faces multiple times that their lives are meaningless to him my husband thinks I'm overreacting and I would be wrong to do this am I the jerk why does the topic of saving someone over the Box keep popping up like that everyone sucks here except the kids honestly it sounds like a toxic environment was brought by the adults your husband's comment during dinner should never have happened why would you ask something like that to a teenager who's clearly missing his mother therapy is not going to change the fact that the 15 year old misses his mother does not see you and your kids as his family and that you actually don't know what he would do if a crazy scenario actually happened I could tell you that if there was a fire I would risk my life to save a stranger but the truth is I've never actually been in this situation and I don't know how I would react and I'm 32 years old your stepson is just 15 just leave him alone and let your kids have the choice to go or not to his games op apparently he wanted my kids to know their place and to not get the idea that they mean anything to him his words they say it always came out of nowhere though the time at dinner my husband definitely brought it on by making that awful joke think instead of react it's been long enough he's forgetting he's forgetting smells looks memories he's maybe even forgetting what he felt and he's doing this to convince himself how much he meant to him what do you and your husband do to keep his memories alive pictures of his mom should be everywhere if there's a box with things of hers in it sit down with him tell him you know you will never replace her but the thing about her love is it's not a limited resource there's enough love to go around explain when you had your second kid you didn't love your first ones any less start opening the box at this point explain to him your heart just made room for more just like your heart has made room for him somebody's been watching a few too many Hallmark movies start opening the box at this point absolutely do not do this am I the jerk for opting Out of My Best Friend's Wedding because they didn't invite my girlfriend I'm 28 male my childhood best friend Brad who's also 28 is getting married in late May to Vicky who's 26. a week ago on Easter I received his wedding invitation which only listed my name but not my girlfriend Mary who's 28. for context Brad Mary and I have known each other since high school we were in the same friend group Mary and I live around two hours away from Brad and Vicki because Mary is a nurse she doesn't always have the time to visit Brad and Vicki with me so I go alone most of the time but when she's able to she'll join me Mary has met Vicky and seen her around 10 times in the past four years that Vicky has been with Brad Mary and I have been together for six years total and we do plan on getting engaged and married once we are more financially settled so I asked Brad if Mary is invited and they just forgot to mention her name to which he replied that Vicky is very strict about some rules and in order to cut down costs she's enforcing a no ring no-bring rule for the wedding so since Mary is just a girlfriend and doesn't have a ring to imply some formality then she's not invited I reminded Brad that Mary and I have been together longer than he's been with Vicki and that Mary is also his friend not just my partner he says he knows and tried to talk Vicki out of it but she's very strict with that I let it go and I was in a dilemma about whether I should go to the wedding or not because of that Mary told me she's not happy about the situation but I should go to avoid more drama so I called them to tell them I'll attend Vicky picked up the phone and said she's sorry about making me uncomfortable by not inviting Mary but these are the rules I said I respect the rules I'm not necessarily happy about it though she then for some reason started being harsh about how Mary and I are not in a serious enough relationship if after knowing each other for so long and being together for six years we're not engaged yet and joked that after all you never know what tomorrow brings and I could break up with Mary anytime since we haven't shown any signs of true commitment I confronted her and told her that it's not her place to validate Mary and I's relationship and that it's really low of her to use a dumb rule just to shame and micromanage long-term couples who for whatever reason haven't gotten married yet I said I'll pass after all and not attend the wedding she and Brad said I'm disrespecting them in their choices by choosing Mary over their wedding day and I said I don't care keep your rules and I'll keep my relationship because it's more important than any exclusive rules that only exist in order to shame people I've been receiving a lot of backlash from other friends for that choice who said I'm the jerk for being so bitter about something so small but to me it's not small they invalidated Mary and our relationship not the jerk what is stupid Rule and stupid in this instance for many reasons first of all Mary and Brad were in the same high school friend group so it could easily be argued that she could be invited purely based on being his friend and totally independent of her relationship with you second using marriage as a barometer of commitment is insane so my bride's logic if cousin Chad got drunk in Vegas and married the girl he's been dating for two weeks she would get an invite while your girlfriend over six years would not so dumb to top all of this off you were initially willing to let it go and just come anyhow but then bride had to double down and insult your relationship to your face that just sucks groom needs to step up and be a good friend and tell bride she's being ridiculous my boyfriend played video games the whole night so I left so I'm 29 female and my boyfriend is 30. he's a gamer and don't get me wrong I play video games myself and really enjoy spending my time playing video games but since my boyfriend lives quite far away we only see each other once a week that's our quality time together yesterday I worked the whole day went to the gym and then drove over to my boyfriend's house I arrived there at a seven-ish when I came in he was playing video games with his friends no biggie I told him I'm gonna take a shower and be right out when I came back he wasn't playing anymore and instead asked if I'm hungry and wanted to order some food I thought he stopped playing and we're gonna spend some time together now but no he ordered food and went right back to gaming at about nine-ish our food arrived he was still playing fix myself a plate sat down to eat he didn't join me after I finished I just got my stuff and told him I'm Gonna Leave because I'm not spending my evening watching him play video games he find finally took off his headset and told me well you could have said something I was about to stop anyways I told him that I feel like it's common sense to not be playing video games when your girlfriend visits you and left I was there for two hours and the whole time he was playing he hasn't tried to contact me in any way since when I left it looked like he was super upset but immediately started talking to his friends again before I was even out the door and to be honest I didn't feel like a jerk then and I don't feel like one now but the more I talk to my friends about it the more I feel like I should have said something maybe to some people it's not obvious that someone wouldn't want to watch them play video games the whole night I mean it should be but maybe it isn't not a jerk see with me I'm the gamer and my boyfriend isn't playing video games and talking to your friends while your girlfriend sits next to you waiting for you to finally notice her that's a major jerk move good on you you left hope you had a nice evening without him and somehow whenever you say something about someone's gaming habits it's always well I was about to turn it off anyways try to convince my wife to cheat on me that's why you're a single mom right now instead of a doctor I 29 male have known my wife who's 30 female and her best friend Jess who's 29 female since we were all 11. we attended middle and high school together but I wasn't in their Social Circles at all I was always one of the sort of nerdy awkward kids and the two of them were both very popular my wife in particular was extremely popular because she was and still is extremely beautiful kind and intelligent she was our student body president and valedictorian Jess was also very pretty I even had a tiny crush on her back then and similarly popular my wife and Jess have been best friends since kindergarten my wife and I started dating our senior year of high school after we were paired together to complete a project in one of our classes we realized that we got along really well and she asked me out and I definitely wasn't saying no to her Jess from the very start did not respect our relationship and firmly believed that my wife could do much better she has and the decade plus since consistently told me that my wife is out of my league that I was lucky she settled for me so young and that my wife belongs with a more attractive and successful man now I'm the first one to admit that my wife is out of my league she's far more attractive makes more money and is just generally an amazing human being but hearing it so often doesn't exactly feel good Jess also has tried to convince my wife to cheat on me multiple times and has even tried to set her up with other guys because she doesn't approve of my wife and I being the only Partners either of us has ever had Jess has a daughter who's five whose father bailed on her and raises her as a single mom Jess actually dropped out of med school to raise her daughter once she realized the father wasn't going to be in the picture my wife and I absolutely love her daughter and love having her over Jess had a date on Saturday night so she left her daughter with us for the night and came to pick her up on Sunday and stayed for lunch as I Was preparing lunch for everyone and her daughter was playing in the yard Jess and my wife were talking about her date Jess was going on and on about how attractive this guy was how good he was that boom chicka wow and all of the details but I just ignored it Jess then looked to me and said you're lucky you locked her down when you were so young before she knew that there was better out there and then turned to my wife and offer to give her the guy's number in case she wanted to try him out I got really angry at that point so I just said I doubt you know anything about better since your taste in men is why you're a single mom and not a doctor right now both of them just stared at me in shock and then Jess called me a jerk and left quickly with her daughter my wife has been upset with me since so I have to ask am I the jerk edit I just wanted to point out that my wife acknowledges that what Jess said was inappropriate but thinks that what I said was unnecessarily cruel it was always Jess's dream to be a doctor like her dad especially after her dad passed and now that's probably never going to happen Jess has said this to me before so I was aware of it and my wife thinks it was uncalled for to press on something that's so clearly a pressure point for her Jess also frequently bemoans the pain of being a single mom and about how all of the guys she goes out with goes to her as soon as she mentions her daughter this is mainly why my wife is upset with me because she thinks I purposely hurt Jess while Jess's comments are a joke and aren't meant to hurt my feelings which is probably mostly true alright so I talked to Jess yeah everyone said not to apologize but honestly sometimes you can acknowledge that you did something bad even if the other person also did a bad thing and yes what I did was bad part of the reason I posted here in the first place was because I was feeling guilty about it because I knew I'd been overly mean to her and I was hoping that this post would make me feel less guilty that didn't really work unfortunately so yeah I was going to callers who apologize but Jess actually beat me to it apparently my wife had texted her and told her how I felt about everything she was saying and that led to Jess deciding to talk to me herself honestly I'm pretty impressed because my wife showed me the text and my wife didn't actually even tell Jess to apologize so she did that on her own I do believe it was genuine especially because when she called me Jess sounded pretty distressed so she apologized profusely actually she said that she really didn't mean for me to take it seriously and she felt really bad when my wife told her I talked to her for a long time and basically detailed everything she had done to disrespect me and our marriage and how I felt about all of it she did apologize for it all and said that this was how she was with all of her friends she told me all about how she would frequently tell my wife that she'd steal me from her or that she had set me up with another woman that she knew I told Jess she needed to stop that too it wasn't right directed at me and it wasn't right directed at her she accepted that she said the only reason she thought her jokes were okay was because it was so obvious we'd never cheat on each other apparently Jess was never serious about giving my wife's phone number and she would never actually disrespect our marriage like that so at least she has some boundaries Jess even said if my wife ever even came close to cheating she'd be the first one to stop it which I doubt but there's no reason to rock the boat I apologize to Jess for what I said but I pretty much just flatly told her that her and I were not friends so it wasn't appropriate for her to talk to me like that she was pretty hurt by that but said she understood I then asked her if she had any jealousy towards our relationship and she admitted that she did she said she wished she had a relationship like that and then it was pretty clear that my wife and I truly do love each other so everyone saying she was jealous gets a cookie so yeah she apologized and so did I do I buy it completely of course not do I think at least some of it was performance just crocodile tears yes absolutely do I think she's sorry and will be better I'd like to think so not the jerk your wife is the biggest jerk she's allowed Jess to talk down to you for years and done nothing you deserve better you are out of her League Jess is obviously a jerk for treating you like this and trying to get your wife to see other men for years she should be banned from the house op I wouldn't say my wife's done absolutely nothing I mean she has told Jess that her comments are inappropriate before but I honestly think my wife has a hard time standing up to Jess in general not even just about me but Jess also says inappropriate things about my wife and my wife still doesn't say much not the jerk and your wife should not be allowing Jess to disrespect you especially in your own home I think you should lay some ground rules out for your wife about how Jess treats you and what you're willing or not willing to tolerate Jess is very much the jerk here but your wife is a close second for not stepping in dude everyone sucks here big time she was also being nasty and I'm shocked your wife and you apparently have been letting this Dynamic go on for over a decade but you said that in front of a five-year-old about her parents to dunk on your wife's friend in the meanest way you could think of of course that was a vindictive move well who do you think is the jerk op or Jess please let us know if wife ever did actually want to cheat Jess would totally encourage it and be happy probably always keep people like Jess out of your life unless you're as crappy of a person as she is am I the jerk for telling my wife we can no longer afford to give our dog an allowance we got a dog a few years ago and training him was rough he was already a full-grown dog and had never lived inside anyway we'd give him treats and encouragement and eventually he stopped being so wild inside and chewing things up and he now uses the bathroom outside Etc like I said we already give him treats for doing good things or listening to commands Etc but in the midst of the initial training my wife came up with the idea that we should give him a weekly allowance for being good and not having accidents Etc this was set to 25 a week of course we didn't give him the cash instead she'd take him to PetSmart and whatever he started sniffing or seemed to like she had buy or she'll get him special treats beyond what we already have at home I thought it was silly then but whatever I was just happy when we'd go a week without him going to the bathroom on the carpet or chewing up a pillow so I agreed and it's been this way for years but now money is tight we can't really afford 100 a month extra not only that but that money takes priority over our own allowances for instance I wanted to go out to eat last week but because I have to set aside fifty dollars every paycheck my wife said we couldn't go otherwise we wouldn't be able to essentially pay our dog not to mention going outside to the bathroom or not chewing things up is second nature for him now and it's not like I don't want to buy him stuff but we're barely making ends meet at the moment fifty dollars a check is a big expense I brought this up with her last night and she got very upset that I would even suggest not rewarding him that I was being selfish for wanting to spend the money on myself I told her we already buy him food and treats and he already has 30 plus chew toys and that he doesn't need a bigger bone every week he doesn't need gourmet food all the time none of this is even including relatively frequent dog spa visits she told me I shouldn't have let her get the dog if I didn't want to take care of him but I do take care of him we go on walks play in the backyard he has a whole room in our house with chew toys and a big bed I think it's unfair to say I'm not taking care of him because I can't afford to give him a luxurious lifestyle anymore or that I'd like to go out to eat or have a little luxury myself every once in a while but maybe I'm in the wrong am I the jerk edit additional info I meant to mention my wife cannot have kids due to a medical issue that would put her at high risk and was devastated when she found out as was I but we also cannot afford to adopt or even have that desire right now to be honest our dog I think was her way of coping with this and being a mother in some sense so he is like our kid I love him too but she's attached to him in a way that is much deeper than what I would say is typical edit to she does not believe the allowance is teaching him anything it's just her way of doting on him she knows that he is not associating it with good behavior so it's not an attempt at teaching him anything more of he's been good so we should do something good for him edit three just going to answer a few more questions by copying my responses why doesn't she get a job certainly something we could look into and not something she has said she is opposed to at all we were completely fine before all of this inflation but everything going up by a little to a lot has really strained us it took quite a bit of time to even realize it was happening really because we had had a little bit of a cushion and when you were slowly breaking even or dipping in 10 to 20 a check I just didn't realize how little wiggle room we actually had now I'm just looking at What expenses are the most frivolous and what I can cut out so really it's been the last couple of weeks to a month that I've begun stressing about it dog allowance I do think a lot of people in here are unfairly criticizing her because of the phrasing of dog's allowance this is really her allowance to spend on our dog I think maybe I've done a poor job communicating the finer details which wasn't my intention why doesn't she get out more or make friends she does take him to the park and on walks but also she's very introverted I've tried suggesting she hang out with her friends more but she rarely ever does plus most of her friends have kids now and she doesn't admit it but I know it hurts her a couple of them didn't even want kids and I think she just feels jealous or like it's unfair not that they have kids but that she can't not the jerk I love my dogs but this is insane your dog can play with the stick you find outside he doesn't need expensive treats every week and he only needs healthy not the most expensive foods good grief not the jerk based on your edit your wife needs therapy she is overcompensating for not having a kid by focusing on spoiling the dog bottom line you can't afford anything extra right now maybe that will change in a few weeks but you can't afford it right now if she wants to continue to spend 100 a month on the dog then she can sacrifice something else if it's really that important to her you are not neglecting the dog he sounds cared for and in a loving home not the jerk she's prioritizing your dog over your relationship based on what you're saying and it's completely unfair to suggest you don't care about the dog I think it's good she loves him so much and it would be nice if you could give him all of the extras but it does not sound like you are in a place to do so financially and dogs don't need all of that to feel happy or loved my roommate's entitled boyfriend demands to park his car in our driveway I'm an undergraduate college student and I live with four other undergraduate college students all of us are 20 to 22 female we have a pretty decent five-bedroom house with a small yard and two-car driveway with a garage which we use for storage Fair college town we live in a pretty nice area but parking can sometimes be a nightmare all five of us have long-term boyfriends four out of five of us have cars when we moved into the house last summer we agreed that the driveway spots would go to two of the roommates our fifth roommate a was one of the roommates that was promised to spot unfortunately she was T-boned just before we moved in and her car was totaled even though she really needs one to get her to class as an internship A's parents do not want to buy a new one and she can't currently afford to buy one herself instead she has her boyfriend drive her wherever she needs to go A's boyfriend parks in the extra spot in the driveway whenever he comes over and he's over for at least six hours a day every day and sometimes overnight we the four other roommates have asked a and her boyfriend numerous times to park elsewhere like at least six or seven times we've talked to both of them separately and together to no avail no matter the amount of conversations A's boyfriend continues to park his car in the one remaining driveway spot this has been going on for almost a year we the four other roommates have all told our boyfriends not to park in the driveway and they have abided by our requests a sees nothing wrong with this situation and she was promised to spot at the beginning of the summer and she thinks that since they're sharing a car he has a right to park there now however since the circumstances just happen to be that she doesn't have a car right now the other four of us think that if the spot should go to somebody it should be someone whose name is on the lease for our house as three of us could really use the extra driveway spot when A's boyfriend isn't parked there we rotate who gets to use it of course this rarely happens it got pretty heated today as one of my roommates came home to see A's boyfriend in the driveway again and she said that if it happens one more time she'll be calling the police I really don't want the cops to get involved but I am kind of Fed Up of him parking there and feel a little disrespected that she won't just ask him to move maybe I'm just being too harsh are we being unfair are we the jerks edit here's some more info Regarding why we promised her the spot we originally agreed to let her have the spot because she had a small sedan and we did not know if any of the remaining three roommates cars would even fit in the driveway two pickup trucks and a large SUV this was prior to us moving in once we moved in however we realized that the driveway was long enough that any of our cars could fit granted only two at a time and we Loosely started who rotated this was until her boyfriend started parking there and she claimed that he shouldn't have to move not the jerk the parking spot is for the people on the lease if the person on the lease is no longer parking there and there's no plans for that to be changing anytime in the near future the parking space should go to someone else on the lease am I the jerk for being annoyed had my girlfriend after she turned off the power during her cooking while I was gaming I mail 24 have been dating Helen female 22 for two years and we moved in together two months ago this is my parents Old Second Home my parents gave it to me when I moved out of the family home five years ago Helen and I are very happy with this house because it's comfortable and well located there's just a little problem with the kitchen there are two ovens one big and one small the small one works well but sometimes the big one cuts off the power when it switches off you just have to turn the power back on on the meter it's not every time maybe once every five times but to avoid that I always use the small oven which was more than enough when I was living alone when Helen moved in at first we took turns cooking but she quickly insisted to manage the cooking alone she thinks my cooking is a bit too basic her parents own a restaurant so I guess she has higher standards and she cooks better than I do I once suggested that we could cook together sometimes so I could improve but she doesn't want that because she finds me too messy in the kitchen I warned her about the big oven and to prioritize the smaller one or to let me know before using the big one I like to play football manager on my computer before dinner and it would be a shame to have a power cut at this moment if she tells me beforehand I can save my game in case of a power cut two weeks ago Helen used the big oven without telling me and the power went out while I was playing I gently reminded her to warn me next time and it's okay I had saved a few minutes before and everyone can forget or mess up yesterday she wanted to make cookies and use the big oven again without telling me I was playing and I hadn't saved for several in-game weeks stupid I know so it was lost I was annoyed and I asked why she didn't warn me instead of apologizing she said aggressively to get over it that I shouldn't get upset about that stupid game after all cooking the dinner was much more important I got angry and answered that she shouldn't disrespect my hobbies like that and she could just enjoy her so much more important dinner alone and I stormed off I went to visit a friend who's 24 male to vent and I ended up sleeping there I told my girlfriend by message that I will sleep there and it's best to talk tomorrow my friend thinks that Helen messed up and is in the wrong but this morning I received a text from a friend of Helen calling me a huge jerk after reflecting on it I started to feel bad maybe I did overreact or I was completely in the wrong everyone sucks here fix the electrical issue save your game don't complain when someone is making your meals while you're playing games apologize for overreacting and not handling conflict appropriately don't storm off she should apologize for not telling you she was using the big oven and for getting angry at you when you pointed it out you should also ask if she's upset that you are gaming while she's doing chores and work out that issue everyone sucks here get the oven fixed that's a problem perhaps also buy a small ups for your computer if you're unwilling to do that now if you went to the kitchen ranting about losing your progress then it's only you who is to blame but she according to your side of the story overreacted however storming out of the house over something this trivial is ridiculous you aren't 12 and it makes me question the reliability of your point of view you're the jerk she's in the kitchen making your dinner while you're playing games and you're angry that she forgot to ask your permission that's not reasonable you overreacted it's a game if it bothers you that much get the oven fixed and get some cooking lessons it's amazing to me how many of these posts are based on an argument starting over gaming grow up and fix your electrical before your house burns down and you don't have a computer at all am I the jerk for being angry that I wasn't asked to be in the wedding party I'm 28 female and one of my best friends Mark 28 male just got engaged and he and his fiance are planning to get married next spring for context Mark and I have been good friends since high school my boyfriend who's 28 has also really bonded with Mark over the past two years of us dating and they regularly go golfing together we have also done a lot of couples vacations and dates and outings together and we were seemingly very close to Mark and his fiancee my boyfriend and I just recently went to their house for a party and Mark and his fiance asked my boyfriend whom they know through me and only for a couple of years to be in the wedding party as a groomsman I was not asked to be a bridesmaid so I would not be involved in the wedding party at all when I asked Mark about this he said it was because they wanted even numbers five groomsmen and five bridesmaids for the wedding party and that his fiance already had enough Bridesmaids I thought for sure I would be asked to be in their wedding as a bridesmaid seeing as they were my good friends and I would have 100 included them in my wedding party if I were the one getting married so Not only was I not asked to be in their wedding party but my boyfriend whom they had known for all of two seconds was I felt very hurt that they would ask him to be a part of their big day but not me I confronted Mark about how hurt sad and angry I was about this especially because I don't know if my boyfriend and I will even still be together a year from now Mark told me that he was sorry that my feelings were hurt but he and his fiance don't want to apologize for doing what they want with their wedding Mark told me that this situation has impacted our friendship especially since he doesn't think they have anything to apologize for my boyfriend declined to be a groomsman and we haven't spoken to Mark since am I the jerk edit just to clarify I never expected to be asked to be in their wedding of course I would have loved to be in their wedding party because they are my friends I've been friends with Mark since I was 16 and friends with Alyssa his fiance for going on eight years now and I would love to celebrate their love and happiness but I never ever demanded it if they never would have asked either of us to be in their wedding I would have been totally fine with that it's that they asked everyone else in our friend group to be in it including my boyfriend everyone except me when Alyssa Mark's fiance talked to me about it she said the only reason she didn't ask me to be in the wedding was because of the matching wedding party numbers which was disappointing and hurtful I totally understand that it's their wedding and they should do what they like but I also hoped they wouldn't exclude me like that because of wedding party numbers I know everyone says to not make it about me but what do you do in that situation not say anything at all I just felt a little blindsided maybe Mark and I were weren't as close as we thought perhaps it's all for the best Note people are taking the boyfriend bit way out of context my boyfriend and I have been off and on because of long distance issues but we love each other deeply he's currently living back home but that might change in the near future he might have to move across the country for work and I'm not sure if I'm ready to uproot my life and move with him yet that's why I'm not sure where we'll be a year from now it's all up in the air currently you're the jerk groom has been socializing solo with your boyfriend for two years which you changed to all of two seconds at the end of your story and selected him as a groomsman no mention here of you socializing solo with the fiance and she probably picked people she was closer to you're not owed a spot in the bridal party just because your boyfriend got one you're being a bit dramatic here over a wedding that's not even yours I know I'm going to get massively downvoted for this but after going back and forth I'm going with everyone sucks here rather than you're the jerk because I feel like ultimately your friends are being the bigger jerks Mark and his fiance should have known ahead of time that it's kind of insulting that you've been his good friend since high school and he's including your boyfriend in his wedding party and not you I think the considerate thing to have done was to not include you both or at least have a proper conversation with you about it I think you cross the line by expecting to be a bridesmaid confronting him about it and saying that stuff about your boyfriend the last thing was really not cool isn't it amazing how much people fight over weddings not as amazing as how much money people waste on them boss tries to give disciplinary action for working too hard Midway through my career I found myself working for the most prominent private college in my state I was in the I.T department and was in charge of maintaining a few servers and all of the technology in classrooms every summer we would receive our budget for the year and the part of the budget I managed was spent mostly on upgrading the audio and visual presentation systems in the classrooms and most of that work had to take place during the summer this is fine normally but our College administration had created a ticking Time Bomb for me a few years before they had decided to spend about one hundred thousand dollars on a few classrooms but did not allocate any money in our budget to replace that equipment when it would eventually fail I had been there for five years and now that equipment was starting to fail increasing our budget was not an option despite faculty growing to depend on the equipment in these spaces I was left to figure out how to make the same budget replace all of the equipment in those spaces as well as the normal set of classrooms that would need to be upgraded elsewhere fine I was up for the challenge I had to simplify and purchase more value brand of equipment and do extra work to cut Corners a couple of weeks of shipping delays for the majority of the equipment saw me with roughly one month to rip out replace rewire and configure around 15 classrooms as well as update and test all of the existing classrooms within about a month before the semester began realizing the amount of work ahead of me I began working I came in every day of the week for 28 days straight working 8 to 10 hours to ensure that when the semester began the professors would have working equipment I was salary so I did not have to clock in this gave me the freedom of scheduling work as little or as much as required I worked myself sick and was literally sick at the end of the 28 days my supervisor was a guy we recently hired let's call him Gus near the beginning of the semester while testing equipment I realized that the audio driver and a common model of computer we have in the classrooms was corrupted investigating it I realized that the computer manufacturer had corrupted drivers on their web server where we downloaded it from I asked my supervisor who was in charge of managing the image deployment server to rebuild the image with a non-corrupt version of the driver I had provided him he said he would I swing by the next day and asked him if he had completed the rebuild he had not I tell him I really need it as the semester loomed closer and closer and he tells me he will work on it next day nothing day after that nothing finally he figures it out and I continue my work he must not have liked being pressured and perhaps the perception that he was incompetent he was must have gotten to him tides to Power Trip and called me into his office and asked why I was working so much I explained the administrative oversight a few years prior shipping delays cheaper equipment extra required work and his delaying of a working image I tell him look I came in day after day after day asking for that rebuilt image each time I said day I'm poking my fingers straight down on the edge of his desk enough that it makes a sound to emphasize that those delays hurt the work I was doing he wanted to find some personal failing that he could pull out some form of disciplinary action around I gave him none eventually he ran out of ideas and I left his office not thinking much of it Gus however was a jerk of the highest order he would follow our I.T director like a puppy he joined a band with my I.T director so my work situation was not exactly Fair the semester began and not a single issue in all of the classrooms was reported I was proud of my work I was able to complete given the challenges the second day of the semester my I.T director calls me to his office there Gus is sitting beside him and they both want to talk to me I don't like the looks of this my IT director starts asking me about why I was working so much I explained to him as I did Gus the various factors that made this Summer's work extra challenging this destroyed any valid criticism they could muster Gus goes on to say that he innocently inquired about my work and that I became violent talking about the gesture I made on his desk illustrating his failure to do his work in a timely manner I demonstrate exactly what I did on the it director's desk to show how ridiculous this claim was my I.T director wanted to exert his authority and they would not stop until they had something to discipline me with nothing I would say would change the result I was to be in trouble for whatever transgression they imagined up in this meeting I make sure to point out how long it took us to do the small task that I depended on knowing I could have completed it in about an hour he was incompetent my I.T director then alludes to the fact that I should respect gusmore as he is my supervisor forget it I think to myself I then tell my director it is as if Justin Bieber was trying to teach you about music theory it's only going to upset you this sudden sharp and in my opinion hilarious comparison was too funny both Gus and my IT director immediately laughed even though Gus was subject of this insult once they had stopped laughing my IT director put on a more serious tone he says that I could manage my time better despite the unique circumstances of this Summer's work his voice gets really soft and slow while he's talking to me now this is a trick he forgot he told me that he uses an arguments to make the other person seem like they're out of control it's condescending as if spoken to as a child and now he's using it on me he tells me that he wants me to take some time management class also to take a couple days off and think about it I just want you to think about it however he's going to need my keys in badge cue malicious compliance at this point he has provided me enough evidence that this is not a job I want to stay at the absurdity of working so hard and for 28 days straight on salary with no extra pay and to be rewarded with a disciplinary action was too much that in that moment I had thought about it without saying anything I hand over my badge I took all the many keys off of my key ring and set them on his desk I have thought about it I tell him and the exact same soft and condescending tone he used with me and you can keep the keys in badge I told him with the biggest wry smile on my face I then walked to my office he follows me and I notice his eyes become glassy as if he was hurt by the situation unfolding before him he expected me to capitulate and accept his punishment for a job well done he kept saying I just want you to think about it with each time becoming increasingly desperate and I kept repeating I have thought about it he disappears back to his office with his little minion Gus to discuss damage control I quickly pin an email to all my other co-workers letting them know I was leaving and that I enjoyed working with them I had to work quick as I knew they would shut down all my accounts very quickly I packed up my personal effects and left Gus and my IT director offered to help me trying to walk back the situation with some small gesture of Goodwill but I was gone I had been there for five years but I was willing to walk away the moment he tried to treat me so poorly I found out a little later that the week before I left a programmer we hired left after he treated her poorly too I was not aware of the reason she left when she did but our office manager shared that she quit abruptly like me without anything lined up given his behavior about a year later I hear from the office manager that the IT director had left rumor is he was primarily working for another company while in his office at the college effectively double dipping or making money for two jobs while only doing one he had been caught doing so and was warned by the administration to stop he opted to leave instead of owning up to his own dubious behavior my only regret is that I didn't leave that job sooner Karen tries to steal my bird from me at PetSmart be careful taking your bird out in public someone may try to steal it I decided today would be the perfect day to pop the harness on izadora my sulfur-crested cockatoo and take her out to PetSmart I needed a pack of Aspen for my baby chicks anyway got her in the carrier carrier in the car and on the road we went she did remarkably well and didn't even get carsick but you know what tiny detail I forgot people talk to you when you bring your bird to the store whether you want them to or not I'm very good at dealing with people years of retail work restaurant work admin Etc have trained me in the art of small talk the PetSmart workers were fantastic actually ask the basic general questions no one asked the pet her everyone kept the respectful distance and didn't overwhelm her or me other customers though oh no there was one woman in particular she told me she had a scarlet macaw a hands may call and a Goff and Cockatoo at home she stopped me to chat asked about my bird and I gave the condensed version of her story Isidore is almost 16. she came from an older couple who wanted a younger home for her Etc she's doing great she's the love of my life Etc she asked so she's almost 16 years old how long have you had her I said for four and a half months now have you ever had a cockatoo before no she's my first large bird and I couldn't have been luckier this woman who was only in her 50s probably so she's only a little older than I am I'm 39 female she tells me you shouldn't have her you don't have the experience with large birds and you're too young to have one you don't even look like you've got your own life together and she reached freezadora she was going to take my bird I would love to pretend like I had some witty comeback I thought of all the good responses in the last couple of hours since we've been back home and I've had a minute to process in reality I came back with the unbearably witty retort of what because I'm brilliant Under Pressure I stepped back and put my card between us and said nope we're not doing this and I turned around and walked out hours later I've gone back in my head and told her off 10 Ways to Sunday in the moment I was so flabbergasted someone tried to take my bird away from me like she literally tried to grab my bird off of my hand I don't think we're going to have another field trip I think we'll stick to the yard for now this was a stupid experience and I would have enjoyed it more if I had had some brain power to yell at her and embarrass her for even trying to take my bird from me she deserved to be horrifically embarrassed I'm so mad about the whole thing I'm still shaken up about it and now I'm going to dwell on it for the next lifetime am I the jerk for ruining my dad's chances of winning my mom back I'm 25 female and my parents are getting divorced after 24 years of marriage my mother was basically cheating on my father for months before he found out I put cheating in quotation marks because my dad was a horrible husband so I was actually happy she found someone else once my mom said she wanted to separate my dad completely changed he said he didn't want her to leave begged her to stay saying he will change he actually got on medication for his Depression started being more affectionate and asked for couples counseling that he said my mom agreed to do one day I go to my parents house and my dad says he wants my help winning my mom back we're in the backyard and Mom is in the house I told him no because I want what's best for her and he's not it he said that he has severe depression and saying that he's bad without acknowledging how depression can affect a person isn't right he said he was disappointed because if the genders were reversed I would admonish him for cheating and breaking the vow of marriage now this is where I might be the jerk my dad is doing everything he can to win my mom back so I said that while I won't help him I wouldn't interfere in his plans and would stop talking about him with her me and my mom talk a lot about how crappy of a husband my dad is at one point in the conversation he says and a calm tone I know you're not going to like this but I'ma say it anyway when one parent gives you gifts and takes you on trips and buys you things of course you're going to side with them even if they're wrong because you don't want to lose that this made me so angry I have a genuine friendship with my mom whereas even though my dad was a fantastic father stay-at-home dad gave us everything we ever wanted or needed I don't necessarily enjoy being around him I hang out with him sometimes out of obligation but it's very forced and I know he can tell and he's told me this hurts him in the past I basically went off saying forget you and how dare you and that he had no right to question my character and and the reason I like my mom more is because he's no fun unmedicated he's rude and rigid and it has absolutely nothing to do with money I'm screaming but up until this point our conversation was calm and we were almost Whispering so my mom wouldn't hear my dad keeps trying to shush me but I don't let up I go to my mom and tell her what he just said and he keeps looking at me saying why are you doing this to me I can't believe you're doing this to me we were just having a calm conversation I say I'm leaving and my mom gets in the car with me later my dad says that after my blow up my mom no longer wants to go to couples therapy am I the jerk for blowing up and making it harder for my dad to win my mom back edit I'm editing this to add that the reason I'm so involved is because both my parents talk about the other to me my dad started first and my mom only got involved when I asked her if she was mistreating him in any way he was claiming but they're both wrong for this other important info my dad told me my whole life that he has bipolar disorder and that's why he was so messed up I've sent him books and podcasts and articles and lectures for years about this disorder I made my entire family start therapy two years ago and I said that my only request for my dad is that he get medicated because he knows he has bipolar disorder he laughed and said I was waiting for you to say that I'm not even bipolar the therapist then got a little Curt with me and said I shouldn't armchair diagnose just because I was a psych major my dad just nodded along this is just one of his serious manipulations but he does it to me often and that's why our relationship is fractured not the jerk it was wildly inappropriate for your dad to request your help getting back together with your mom their marriage is their business not yours not the jerk your dad was trying to manipulate you and your mom and you did the right thing calling him out you didn't ruin his chances to do anything he's been doing that for years and just once a scapegoat to blame his actions on not the jerk witness tampering comes to mind you are good you offered not to work against him then he exhibited the same type of horrible Behavior as previously you're being furious at him was a direct result of his actions in verbal attack you were justified in feeling insulted and reacting to this when all he had to do was just keep quiet after your offer and accept the win he simply couldn't resist again showing you who he was your father trying to pin your mother's decision to not try therapy on you does seem to be part of his normal behavior pattern not the jerk your dad sounds like a total jerk I'm also glad your mother was cheating on him and I don't blame her one bit this really reminds me of my own sorry excuse for a father he also claimed he had mental health issues and of course wanted to play the victim when my mother left him like dude you're a 40-something-year-old white dude Living in America and you seriously expect me to feel sorry for you because of your mental health he thought paying my college loans would magically cause me to want a relationship with him but once they were paid I still went no contact and I suggest you do the same you're the jerk I'm so disappointed in the way people are talking about the father in this story just because he's a man doesn't mean that he's immune to mental health issues the fact that so many of you are excusing the mother's cheating and even cheering it on while simultaneously mocking and ridiculing the father it just shows the hypocrisy that our modern society has been programmed to accept I know I'll get down voted to heck for pointing out this double standard but I'm just disgusted to be honest you all know darn good and well that if the roles were flipped you'd be singing a completely different tune am I the jerk for sabotaging my little brothers and my birthday party me and my little brother have very similar birthdays my brother's 12th birthday is today while my 17th birthday is two days from now because of this starting from when I was about to turn five after my brother was born I've always remembered that my family has officially stopped celebrating on my actual birthday and they rather prefer that we celebrate both of our birthdays on my little brother's birthday and whatever compromise that I have my parents had always dismissed like when I asked if we could celebrate on the day that's between our birthdays my parents would respond that it would be rude to my little brother to celebrate his birthday late but celebrating mine earlier isn't or when I asked if we can just have two separate birthdays my parents have stated that that was a stupid idea because that wasn't cost friendly and it was too time consuming to have two separate birthday celebrations especially since the birthdays were so close to each other it's gotten so bad to the point that no one in our extended family even remembers when my own birthday is because everyone believes that me and my brother have the exact same birthday which makes me hate how close me and my brother's birthdays are so for this birthday I ended up doing some changes for this year with the money I saved up I ended up buying a decorated cake that said happy birthday brother's name only and I switched it with and got rid of the cake that had both me and my brother's name on it I ended up hiding all of the pink decorations and leaving behind only the blue ones and I also made sure to scribble off my name from anything I can get my hands on like the banners invitations letters Etc so that only my brother's name and information was on it and on the day of the party I rejected any gifts towards me and stated that since it's my brother's birthday today we should be celebrating his day since I hate celebrating my birthday on a day that isn't my actual birthday this caused a mixed reaction to a lot of family members but it ended with many respecting my wishes and focusing on the birthday boy my brother was the only one that was completely happy about it probably because this is the first time that he was able to celebrate a birthday that was his own and he enjoyed getting all the attention for himself my parents however were livid at me for being petty and childish enough for wasting my time and money and especially their money with all the vandalism that I did sabotaging this party in addition to that they were also mad that I made them look bad because a lot of our family are giving my parents Flack for making it look like they're prioritizing my brother over me as well as complaining that my insistence that they focus on my brother on his birthday to be unsettling and worrying I mean I think I may have gone overboard just a bit but I don't think I did anything that wrong am I the jerk here not the jerk well done and the best thing is that your brother was thankful next year you will be 18 and after that you can celebrate any way you want not the jerk and this almost belongs in malicious compliance you didn't explicitly steal the spotlight from your brother you made it about him brilliant and you didn't make it look like they're prioritizing your brother they are prioritizing your brother you just let the rest of the family see it not the jerk good job your family now knows your brother is the golden child or at least favored there's no reason why they couldn't do his party one weekend and yours the next my kids are two weeks apart we never combine parties it's not fair for them you're the jerk you had a little tantrum not because you weren't being celebrated annually but because you're having to share it with one other person and it sounds like a decent Affair too shoot talking about banners most people don't get banners on their birthday some people are lucky to get a Duncan Hines yellow cake on their birthday also cut the crap stop acting like you care about your brother getting his solo birthday you care about you getting your solo birthday yes you are the jerk in short what you did was deceptive manipulative and mean-spirited you did something to look innocent and kind towards your younger sibling but villainize your parents that's not cool as an adult the logic about not celebrating a birthday late versus early kind of makes sense to me I can't fault your parents for that logic still I also think having it on a day that falls in the middle of your birthdays isn't a terrible idea either the day itself in my opinion doesn't matter just as long as the birthday is recognized and celebrated I've celebrated my friend's birthdays weeks after because that's when we were finally able to link up and afford to do it their birthdays fall during end of term or exam period if I were your parents and could afford it I'd let you guys celebrate different birthdays I don't know your financials though but I can see how it could be too expensive to have two separate events even two separate cakes and Foods so close together especially with the prices people are charging these days they'd even have to buy more decorations there are nuances and I don't know and off the bat I'm sorry but you come off as a brat as the oldest you'd think at this point by 17 years old you'd be more understanding about the nuances of money requirements in comparison to a 12 year old they aren't neglecting you since they put both of their kids names on the cake and had pink stuff and decorations for you after complaining about how costly having this event is you wasted their money and tossed the cake that they got that was wasteful the guests brought gifts for you it's both of your events am I the jerk for telling my daughter that I'll be missing her graduation to attend my sons I 43 female have two kids my daughter Mae is 21 and my son Luke is 17. May's father and I split shortly after she was born and I met my now husband when she was about a year old due to work and life circumstances May primarily state with her father but visited us on the weekends when she was younger she's an incredibly bright girl she has an AAA she's about to graduate with her ba and she's been accepted into a master's program that starts in the fall I'm so proud of her I can't say that enough my son Luke is graduating from high school this year and I found out that his graduation is a few days after my daughters we don't live very close by anymore so it would be back and forth flights which just doesn't feel practical since May is getting another degree I've told her that I'll attend her next graduation but this time I'm just going to attend her brothers since graduating high school is such a big step May seemed a little upset at first but she told me it was fine and that she understood my ex called me later and told me that I wasn't considering May's feelings in the slightest her high school graduation in 2020 was canceled due to lockdown then her ceremony for her AAA was virtual for the same reason so now that she's finally having one my not going has really hurt her I told my ex that I'd go to her next one and then it's not fair that I just not show up for her brother he says that it's more than possible for me to come see her graduate and then fly back in time to see my son do the same my thing is that yes it's possible but it isn't practical May told me herself that she is a little upset about it which is why she vented to her dad but she apologized for making it an issue I don't know how to feel about this now am I being a jerk here ETA my daughter found this post which wasn't my intention but I did reach out to her to apologize for not being considerate of how this was going to make her feel I'm going to fly out earlier to spend more time with her and to attend her graduation ceremony you're the jerk it isn't fair to pick between your son and daughter if it's possible to go to both then you should even if it doesn't seem practical my other question is why is it even relevant of which parent she grew up with primarily both are your kids it shouldn't matter if she grew up with her dad agreed it'll be a whirlwind trip but if it's possible Opie should make the effort to attend both I might feel differently if she went to the daughter's High School graduation but that was canceled so this graduation would be the culmination of her high school diploma AA and ba the fact that op is blaming the practicality is BS she could go but literally just doesn't feel like making the effort I'm sure May is just telling her mother oh it's okay but is extremely hurt I doubt this is the first time op didn't want to put in the effort for her daughter sounds like her poor daughter is just used to being second to Golden Child brother you're the jerk majorly you're the jerk I'll go to your next one is so crappy and it's completely your decision to not fly in earlier or to just suck it up and put in effort you seem to really be a weekend parent to the heart one gift for birthday and Christmas no problem I love birthdays and have always loved celebrating them both for myself and for others I love to give gifts as much as I love to receive them but I was born in December so it's always been an uphill battle getting people to celebrate mine or separated from the religious holidays happening that month for me it's not about the gift but the principle I've had several friendships where I was expected to help plan and pay for expensive gifts dinners trips etc for a spring or summer birthday only to be told what an inconvenience it was to have to do something for a December birthday I've been called greedy childish and have even had people ask me why I can't just combine my birthday with someone else to make it easier it makes the Friendship feel one-sided and makes me feel like an inconvenience I don't get so upset about it anymore but I do have some firm birthday rules one you don't have to get me anything but if you do just pick one birthday or Christmas keep them separate two whatever the agreement is let's make it Mutual if no birthday gifts the agreement it should hold for all birthdays involved not just the inconvenient ones in December well a best friend and I recently got into an argument about it because she felt I was being selfish for wanting two gifts in the same month when I said we don't have to do birthdays she insisted that she should get a separate gift for her birthday and March because it's a different time of the year I pointed out that this was unfair but she wouldn't hear it I jokingly said in the end that if she gave me one gift for the month I would purposely wait until March and give her an empty box for her birthday she said sure go for it and as promised she gave me one gift for both days and told me to stop being so childish so Marge comes around and she has a little get together and the time comes to open gifts when she unwrapped mine and saw that it was empty I said Merry Christmas and she got really upset she said I was being petty and childish and that I was going out of my way to ruin her birthday the other guest seemed really upset too and some of our mutual friends want me to apologize I'm refusing to do so and we haven't spoken since your friend's logic doesn't make sense either everyone gets to celebrate Christmas and birthday separately or no one does my son has a birthday December 30th awful for planning parties so we usually hold the family birthday mid-January he gets separate gifts always my wife is from December 23rd so she insists on separate gifts get new friends who aren't selfish jerks am I the jerk for taking just my nephew to fun places and not my step niece and nephew as well my brother has an eight-year-old son Caden Caden's mom passed when he was a baby my brother married Simone two years ago almost and they have Blended families Simone has Bella who's 10 and Archie who's nine Bella and Archie's Dad passed when they were four and five Kaden was really excited about Bella and Archie and having siblings my brother and Simone told him that he'd have a brother and a sister and they'd be buddies for life and it really made him eager to live with Bella and Archie but his experience with them has not been a positive one they don't want to include him in anything they seem to go out of their way to not spend time with him examples that I've witnessed and have been told about by Kaden Bella and Archie will be outside playing with kids in the neighborhood and when Kaden tries to join in and play with everyone Bella and Archie will go inside or they will go and do their own thing away from the other kids and Kaden Caden said sometimes Bella and Archie have said no to him joining and Simone will tell her kids they cannot stop him from playing with everyone else I witnessed this myself at Christmas kids in my parents neighborhood were playing outside with their new toys and stuff Caden joined a little after and Bella and Archie left the larger group playing together and went off on their own when their mom noticed she went outside to say they should join the group again and they said no because they didn't want to play with Kaden sometimes my brother or Simone will break up the kids into different groups for some fun family time and Kaden is always told they don't want to do that stuff with him when my brother takes them Bello or Archie will try to wander off when Simone takes them they always try to put her in the middle of stuff so it's not like they're playing or having fun with Kaden several months ago when I realized how much it bothered Kaden and how sad it made him feel we started doing a water park or trampoline park near us for the occasional fun day out kid asked to invite his step-siblings and given they are my step niece and nephew that made sense the kids have never said yes they've been offered and they will say they don't want to come so I still take Kaden but now Simone is bothered by this last time we went Kaden had such a good time and he said it was the most fun he'd ever had because he got to stay late on the trampoline for helping another kid who was there I guess Simone was bothered by him enjoying that so much when her other kids weren't there I told Simone that Bella and Archie have always been invited but they never come she told me I shouldn't be taking Kaden either then my brother said maybe it's better to just lay off for now and not to bring Kaden along Simone wasn't just happy there though and told me to consider my actions because I was being deliberately hurtful to her kids am I the jerk tell your brother alone that his kid is lonely tell him what Kayden has been telling you that Bella and Archie very obviously bail on every group Kaden joins and he's crushed by it tell him that you will keep inviting Bella and Archie out for Kaden's Adventure days and if that's hurtful to them then you're at a complete loss as to how keep doing those days for your nephew op you're his hero and try to avoid being trapped into conversations with Simone for the foreseeable future if you possibly can she's working out some weird resentful stepmom energy there keep yourself out of the mix maybe your brother will see it plainer for himself if you're not there to blame not the jerk as you already know not the jerk it sounds like Kaden is being bullied by his step siblings just because they're not overly aggressive does not make this Behavior less hostile it sounds like your brother and his wife are not seeing this or doing much to help please don't let Kaden feel like he's alone if Simone has a problem she should talk to her kids and maybe they could all use some family therapy am I the jerk for telling my stepdad to take care of his actual kids I moved an hour away and started a job over the summer and have become close with a few co-workers one of them and I have become actual friends outside of the office and she's integrated me into her friend circle after getting to know her backstory mom was abandoned while pregnant and had to raise three kids we got close and I consider her a good friend now she's so sweet and nice last weekend I was over at her mom's house getting ready to go out and was looking at some pictures on her wall and I saw one of her younger brother and a man and took a double take he looks exactly like my stepfather but younger I tried to find another he was in but that was it she saw me staring at it and said that's her father and I laughed and said he looks like my stepdad she asked me his name and I said it and the color of her face left she started calling for her mom to come to the room and the next 10 minutes were me awkwardly answering questions turns out my stepdad is her father I met him when I was six so my friend would have been eight and that's the time he left he never mentioned having any kids so it was shocking it was horrible to hear them cry and we never ended up going out I told them that he has a successful business and maybe they could get money for back child support but they said they didn't want anything from him I went home this week and things have just been awkward my stepdad is so nice and literally my only Father Figure so to know he abandoned his biological kids is crazy my stepdad kept asking me why I'm acting weird and I didn't say anything at first my mom pulled me aside and I told her everything to my surprise she didn't even react she said how he lives his life is his business and I shouldn't judge him this is coming from a former single mother I remember her crying over my dad leaving us and I was disgusted by what she said so I told her loudly to not speak to me and she's a hypocrite and stormed out of the house my stepdad followed me to my car saying that I need to come back and apologize to my mom right now and I told him to go and apologize to the kids he abandoned and listed their names he looked like he was going to faint and went back inside the house my mom has been sending me texts that I need to apologize to my stepdad for being a jerk to him and making him cry for days and that he raised me and took care of me and that I shouldn't forget that and that if he didn't do what he did I would be the one without a dad and to be grateful I haven't replied back am I the jerk you were grateful to have him as a father before you knew this and you can still be grateful for what he's done for you at the same time you can feel disgusted by what he did to them not the jerk not the jerk your mom should be apologizing to you for reacting to the news of your dad's misbehavior by attacking you instead you've discovered that your stepfather is not who you thought he was he and your mom told you a massive lie of omission for your entire life he and your mom walked away from his family he was legally and morally responsible for the fact that he raised you and took care of you has very little bearing on this new information you've discovered it's okay to be appalled and take time to process this shock and for goodness sake you don't need to be the one apologizing not the jerk am I the jerk for keeping in contact with my girlfriend's estranged half-sister I've been dating my girlfriend for almost five years now we just found out we're having a baby recently so we've been happy about everything about two years into our relationship I accidentally met her half-sister I'll call her Anne who was born from an affair it was at a baseball game this girl who looked exactly like my girlfriend came up to us and introduced herself to me and tried telling my girlfriend about her upcoming graduation and that she wanted us to go my girlfriend declined everything and told Anne to not speak to her on our way home she told me about her father's affair with this woman when she was only five that she had a half-sister that she never liked I asked her if she ever tried to get to know Anne she said no I never had contact with Anne within the next two years until I saw her singing in some subway station on my way to work she noticed me and asked if I wanted to get coffee which I agreed I asked her why she was singing in the subway station she told me she was getting by and that she was living in a hotel room nearby I had to leave early due to my work and gave her my number to keep in contact with me so we did keep in contact with each other I got her a job at a friend's hair salon and I helped her get an apartment I told her about the pregnancy and we're becoming first-time parents she was happy for the both of us and must have seen her sister in public because she congratulated her on the pregnancy my girlfriend hated that she knew and said she didn't want me to be near her again I was given an ultimatum to stop all contact with Anne or leave my pregnant girlfriend I only felt bad for Anne because I was homeless at a young age and I saw a lot of me in her I gave her the support that I wished I was given you're the jerk your girlfriend made it super clear that this was a boundary for her you've gotten yourself involved to a degree that goes Way Beyond keeping in contact which would have already been crossing a line the boundaries are for the girlfriend she can't extend her boundary to him just because she's uncomfortable frankly if I was the boyfriend I would be more concerned on why my girlfriend has no sympathy for her half-sister considering she didn't choose to be an affair child she doesn't have to have a relationship with her half-sister but stopping the op from having one is just hostile considering that she still chooses to visit her father she's made her views on Affairs pretty clear on top of all of this she's assigning ultimatums his girlfriend does not seem responsible or even empathizing enough to have a kid she absolutely can extend those boundaries to him what if this wasn't her sister but an ex who had mistreated her if this was his sister she would be wrong to demand no contact but it's not it's her person and she has every right to try to set that boundary if this was an ex or someone who had hurt her that's an entirely different scenario though this girl hasn't done any harm to his girlfriend she's just existing with the consequence of their dad's poor decisions how does his being kind to her have any bearing on his girlfriend it sounds like she's too much of an indirect Communicator to just tell Anna that she doesn't want to talk to her or have a relationship with her and instead is trying to control her boyfriend's relationships she doesn't have to feel bad for her just because they're accidentally related no one owes someone their love consideration or thoughts op getting the person a job in an apartment was way over the line keeping in touch is one thing but he's doing too much and it's a little weird to start a relationship with his pregnant girlfriend's half-sister when he was told not to and then to continue maintaining it he's getting nothing but grief so unless they're hooking up he needs to knock it off or lose his girlfriend you're the jerk the thing I never understand about these types of situations where busy-bodied people go around helping the estranged family of people they supposedly love is the question of loyalty you know your girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with Anne why did you feel the need to have a relationship with Anne I don't believe for a moment that you go to coffee help with employment and exchange phone numbers with every homeless person you see in the subway why this particular girl especially when you knew your girlfriend wouldn't want that have you no loyalty your girlfriend doesn't want yet another Avenue open to Anne to get into her life why did you feel the need to pave the highway yes you are the jerk for keeping in contact with a person who meant nothing to you but you still build a relationship with knowing your girlfriend wouldn't want it such a huge breach of trust against your partner you're the jerk sure we can all say op has the right to make his own decisions blah blah blah but had the op been honest with a girlfriend I would have agreed however you went behind her back it's almost as if you cheated on her with the product of a cheater I'm sure that's the way she sees it even though it's not half sister's fault she was born op you knew it felt wrong so you omitted telling her which is as good as a lie now she's pregnant and feels that the one person she could trust is no longer there I don't know if there's any Redemption for your relationship steal my Legos for your classroom you'll be sorry I had eight large storage totes of Legos when I left home for college besides a few family heirlooms I told them the only thing I wanted were my Legos they could get rid of anything else I even offered to come pick them up and store them with me while I was in college so they weren't a burden my mom said it was fine she would keep them stored great fast forward probably 12ish years and I've got a five-year-old son and a three-year-old daughter who are quickly approaching Lego age my wife and I are buying a home and it will have a decent sized area of stairs above the garage that we intend to turn into the playroom I was talking to my wife about my plans I wanted to put in padded flooring build a fort style structure in one corner maybe build into the crawl space a tunnel type system or something and I wanted to make an area that would be dedicated to the Legos my wife seemed a little cagey about the plans it would cost a bit of money set our expectations down Etc I obviously didn't plan on anything happening overnight a few weeks later and we're getting ready to head to Easter at my mom's house I tell my wife I want to take our truck as I planned on grabbing the Legos from her place and bringing them home and my wife gets a little cagey again I sense that she knows something and she finally admits it my mom took the Legos to her classroom my mom's a middle school teacher six to eight grades special education in our town and my wife is an assistant in our classroom I guess several years ago my mom took the Legos to the classroom for the kids to play with I told my wife I would just get the Legos from the class at the end of the school year however my wife thinks I should just let it go some of the kids really love the Legos and they would have a hard time if they came in after a summer away which is already pretty hard change and whatnot to find out that the Legos are gone we talked about potentially buying some Legos from Craigslist for the kids to use but I definitely wanted my Legos back a lot of them tend to be older tons were my dad's Legos when he was growing up so I definitely want those ones at Easter my sister got roped into the discussion with my wife and I and she agreed with my wife while we both enjoyed the Legos a lot as kids I would be a jerk if I took my Legos back from the classroom they both suggested starting a new collection for our kids so they can love and enjoy these ones as they grow up but I just don't agree part of the reason why they were so special to me was because they were handed down to me and I got to add to them I was hoping to be able to do that here would I be the jerk if I took my Legos back at the end of the year not the jerk your mom could have asked you first those were Legos started by your dad so there's a sentimental value and that's something you want to share with your kids so it's only fair you take the Legos back I honestly don't get these jerk parents who don't think their kids would want to pass on favorite toys to their own kids their grandkids one day not the jerk your mom and your sneaky wife can buy replacement Legos on Craigslist for her students or ask the students parents to each contribute a bunch of Lego or both they both were dishonest they're your Legos and you made it clear you wanted to keep them very clear zero wrong with wanting to keep something that was yours as a kid take all the Legos back at the end of the year inform your mom and your wife now so they can start looking for whatever Replacements they need am I the jerk for helping my son avoid his family after his wife cheated I don't really feel great about throwing this up on the internet but everyone's upset with me so this is what I've got my son and his wife have been together for six years and they have a four-year-old daughter they've had their problems every once in a while but to me it seemed like they always worked through it I know he absolutely loves her and I thought they were very close but three days ago my son came to my door at 10 at night drunk sick and in complete tears I guess she'd been cheating on him for some time and during an argument she finally admitted it it just fell apart he could hardly breathe right I cleaned him up and put him in bed and that's about where he's been since he looks sick he won't eat I've never seen him so upset his wife and her family were calling us both repeatedly but we just didn't deal with it at first he was devastated I wanted him to have a moment to gather himself this morning I bit the bullet and answered her call she was angry he had walked out and left her with their daughter and said she just wanted to talk about this like adults I told her that she could talk to him when he chose to contact her and that I think he'd want to work something out but she needed to give him some space she got more upset and I told her I wouldn't talk if she was gonna throw a fit so she hung up I don't know what she told her family but I've since gotten calls from her mom begging me not to let him leave her and their daughter her sister called to go off on me for protecting a deadbeat father they're all freaking out he isn't abandoning his family his life has been turned on its head and I want him to have some time to find his feet it's just been three days it's not like he's run away but now everyone's angry at me for letting my son leave his daughter which he absolutely adores his daughter he'd never just up and leave so am I the jerk for letting him stay with me to get away from his family I know it leaves his wife in a tight spot but it's been three days and she hardly works part-time it's not like he's left her with an impossible task and I absolutely intend to have my son deal with this but I just can't see him feel like this and I don't think he could have any meaningful conversation this way what should I do I'm not trying to let him hide from his responsibilities but he's hurting and he needs time to breathe some additions for clarity of course we've discussed the possibility that his daughter might not be biologically his but he doesn't plan to abandon her regardless he loves his daughter and would despite anything and as far as if her family knows the full story I have no clue I haven't even tried talking with them yet not the jerk he isn't opting out on being a father he's taking the time he needs to process information he needs to get his crap together quick and go be a father again he needs to divorce her collect evidence hire a lawyer and get a DNA test done on his daughter his wife has been cheating for some time I would definitely double check that's up to the dad he doesn't have to do that he could be fine with not knowing this part if he loves his daughter as is and knowing would only change things for the negative if he's able to put what he knows aside and not be plagued by the thought what a saint people have done this forever before DNA tests existed sometimes not knowing is the better choice it's not up to anyone else to decide but the dad you raise and love the kid for four years and you know for sure that that's your kid the DNA test can only tell you if they have your DNA four years of being a parent and you already know they're your kid not the jerk I know I'll get downvoted for this but I feel it needs to be said if the kid turns out to not actually be his he should not be obligated to pay child support to make up for his wife's cheating and Another Man's Burden it's sad how so many of you are claiming he should skip the DNA test and just provide for the kid no matter what like no wonder there are so many wives who end up cheating having kids with other men then still expect their husbands to financially support their kids most of you crazies here are claiming this is what should happen and what would be the right thing for op to do holy entitlement Batman I'm selling a family heirloom to pay for my destination wedding my fiance 38 female and I 39 male are planning to get married this Summer we both want to have quite a lavish wedding at a winery in another state the two of us agreed that it's the most important occasion in our lives so we should make it as memorable as possible we both have stable jobs and a good amount of savings but it's not quite enough for the admittedly ambitious plans we have in our heads my father passed in January and in his will he left me a very valuable think five figures family heirloom I'm not much for big family traditions so although it's a nice thing to have I'm not massively attached to it I have plenty of other good memories of my father and I don't need a fancy heirloom to remember him by my brother who's 34 however is a huge history nerd and is really really attached to it he was very upset by my father's decision and the will the reason it went to me and not to him is that this has been traditionally passed down to first-born Sons Beyonce and I don't plan to have any kids and I think he assumed therefore that he or his kids would be in line to get it if I were to pass away after some discussion my wife to be and I decided that we would like to sell this heirloom to pay for our wedding my brother who is also my best man was Furious when he found out and said he wanted nothing to do with the wedding anymore he thinks my wife to be and I are behaving like spoiled brats in addition he's convinced my uncle and cousins not to come to the wedding either with our parents having passed this means that virtually none of my family will attend the wedding which I'm really upset about I think that since illegally inherited the heirloom I can do what I want with it I think he's just upset because I ruined his expectations of one day inheriting it but since my uncle and cousins agree with him enough that they are not coming to the wedding I'm not so sure I'm in the ride am I the jerk technically you can sell it because it's yours but you're the jerk for caring more about a ridiculously lavish wedding that will break the bank than you do for your relationship with your brother or your dad's tradition if your dad had known that you were going to sell it it would have left it to your brother I hope your lavish wedding is worth it to you you're the jerk if you sell the item don't be surprised if it ruins your relationship with your brother forever All For What so you can brag about your wedding to friends while looking at pictures that don't include anyone on your side of the family you're the jerk legally being able to do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do I doubt your dad would have given it to you if he knew you were going to sell it like it was nothing your brother didn't convince anyone to be mad at you or to not go I bet he just told them and they made those decisions mostly on their own you probably should have thought about all of that before making such a selfish self-centered decision not the jerk sorry I don't get the whole family heirloom is the most important object in the entire world kind of thinking everyone has if it's not something you're going to use or want to keep get rid of it maybe I'm a sociopath but last I checked you're allowed to do what you want with your own property last I checked you're allowed to spend your money how you want could you have offered to sell it to your brother or Uncle sure would all the same people be calling you a jerk anyway for not just graciously giving away a five-figure inheritance absolutely personally I think anyone who feels entitled to what your father left for you is selfish and greedy I know I'm going to get crucified for this take but I really don't mind considering my mental image of everyone who'll downvote this is of them divvying up their parents assets while they're not in the ground yet not the jerk entitled house cleaner brings her kids and her kids trashed my house gotta put this out here most absurd entitled parent situation I've personally encountered my husband and I Look to hire a local husband and wife small business to clean and do our maintenance projects on our house before our baby comes in a few weeks they came by tonight to take a look at the projects and surprise brought their three Elementary aged kids no biggie I thought not ideal but I like kids and I like the idea of our home being a welcoming place for them we'll let it go we opened the door and the kids scattered all three of them took off screaming in different directions with their shoes on one ended up in my room and two on different ends of the living room where they all three started pulling my daughter's carefully organized orderly toys off the shelves at an extremely rapid pace well they sure made themselves at home the mom beamed they sure love your house I tried to orient the parents quickly so they would leave ASAP and the oldest kid noticed our Loft which is our playroom and library and is also carefully organized and decorated with love with various handcrafted elements and they all raced upstairs we have four kids of our own but managed to mostly keep things orderly each toy has a place we have some small and breakable pieces for my and my husband's childhood all the books are shelved alphabetically in categories all three kids started shrieking at the sight of the room I was trying to wrap up discussion with the mom then The Stomping started and the clinging sounded like jumping off furniture I paused for the mom to say something but she didn't even bat an eyelash then came a crash that could only have come from furniture falling over Mom again didn't so much as comment my husband ran upstairs alarmed the youngest one four maybe then raced down needing to go to the bathroom urgently three of our four bathrooms need service which is why we were hiring these people so the only bathroom available was our master bathroom where we have chicks in an incubator as I showed the kid where to go she got distracted by the chicks and screamed to the older kids upstairs to come and see now so the older two came barreling and yelling she was on through my room and bathroom and the small one didn't quite make it to the bathroom in time this all happened in like 15 minutes I thought we'd quickly be introducing the adult contractors to the projects and negotiating pay this was bizarre and horrible I thought but we'll just have them do the job tomorrow and not work with them again but then two of the kids started to tantrum when it was time for them to leave notably without putting away a single toy they had disassembled or strewn about mom says it's okay we'll be back so you can play more with them tomorrow what she was expecting to bring the kids and leave them unsupervised in my house or maybe she expected me to provide child care while she performed tasks clearly unsafe for kids to be closed off in rooms for seven hours of course we're canceling I'm almost too shocked to even be upset I just checked upstairs and found a shelf of books partially toppled every toy in the living room is in pieces on the floor the bathroom is a mess it happened so fast I just can't sounds like they've got quite the business plan the minion's job is to wreak havoc in your house so you have no choice but to hire them to clean it up am I the jerk for asking for time away from my wife I'm 28 male my wife is 24. she has a very strong bond with her family last month both of her parents moved to live with her brothers in Australia and she's been feeling very down since then I'm definitely at fault for not making enough time for her these past few weeks due to excessive workload at my new job this all led to constant arguments initiated by her it started to get really suffocating and frustrating for both of us so I asked her if for a few days she can go live at her parents house that they left in her care she did not say anything but packed her stuff and left in the morning I only wanted her to have some time alone to clear her head I assume she needs space and called to ask her if she reached there safe and needs groceries since it's been a month that house has been empty she didn't answer my calls but sent a text later to inform me that she's there I thought she really wants to spend this time alone so I decided not to bother her because she's an introvert who often needs her personal space we talked very briefly over messages a few times after that on Tuesday I took a day off of work to go see her since it's been over a week and she didn't return or even call I found out that she's been sick for days and is on leave from work when I asked her why she didn't inform me she said she did not want to bother me I took her to see a doctor and turns out she has jaundice and is four weeks pregnant now she's back home I've apologized but she's unusually reserved and I feel like I'm the reason my intention was only to give her space and have some time alone for myself I really love her and never intended to hurt her at all am I the jerk so let me get this straight one your wife expressed that you had been ignoring her two your response to this was to send her a way to live in an empty house by herself three you ignored her all week four and you justify this by saying she needs space you were doing this for her no you wanted space and you're so immature and messed up that you can't even admit it to yourself your selfish behavior here has made your wife feel awful humiliated and disrespected not to mention you could have put her in danger because she was sick and Pregnant you are a completely self-absorbed jerk and it doesn't seem like you respect her or care about what she wants at all you're the jerk I feel bad for your wife that she's stuck having a kid with you your wife was depressed because her parents moved you didn't make time to help her because of work you were fighting a lot and how you found time to fight when you had no time to be loving and supportive is beyond me so you kicked her out to go live in an empty house how you could have written all of this out without realizing you're the jerk is amazing holy cow you're the jerk this woman is going to be the mother of your baby and your answer to being in conflict with her was to ask her to leave don't do this again next time she might not come back she'd be better off not coming back not the jerk let's see so the husband is working long hours at work in order to provide for his family his wife is acting like a needy baby because her parents moved you're refusing to cuddle her so now Reddit thinks you're the bad guy honestly she sounds like she has issues no wonder everyone here is defending her about 99 of the people on this site have issues themselves to be honest if I were you I'd be getting a divorce find someone who actually appreciates the fact that you work long hours to keep a roof over their head and who doesn't need to be coddled because her mommy and dada moved can you imagine if the rules were flipped my husband is sad because his mommy and daddy moved and I've been working long hours to provide for him so I haven't been constantly available as his emotional sponge I asked him for some time apart and if he could go stay in his parents vacant house am I the jerk everybody would be telling her to leave you am I the jerk for asking my ex if our son who's 11 could bring his stepbrother who's also 11 on their father-son camping trip my ex and I got a divorce when our son was six when he was eight I started dating my current husband on the day my son met his stepbrother they stood in front of each other sized each other up the way that boys do and were silent for a moment then my son asked do you want to play Super Smash Brothers and his stepbrother said yes and they ran upstairs it was fraternal love at first sight they've been attached to the hip ever since my stepson's mother passed a few years ago and my husband was actually hesitant to introduce me and my son to his two kids because he thought it was too soon it turns out that everything worked great the first year we were all together my stepson asked if my son could come along when they visited their mother at the cemetery on her birthday and he spent the whole car ride over telling my son all about her and it seemed therapeutic for him later that night I checked in and saw that my son had climbed up to the top bunk and they had fallen asleep curled up together before she entered her current seven going on 17 phase my stepdaughter used to crawl into my son's lap as often as she did my stepson and asked them to read to her since the divorce my ex-husband has been unreliable at best he cancels on my son regularly making some excuses about work and what have you the twice monthly weekends together have trailed off to three or four times a year every time I have to tell my son his father canceled my stepson goes to his father and asks if the three of them can do something together one of the few things my ex-husband likes enough to always follow through with is camping is planning on taking my son camping in a few weeks the weekend after Father's Day weekend my son loves camping as well and he's the one who convinced my stepson to join Boy Scouts next fall the thing is this year he wants to bring his stepbrother along I told my ex-husband this and he got upset saying that it's their time together and he doesn't want someone else's kid going along with them he says that it's supposed to be the two of them bonding I told him he's had plenty of chances to bond that he blew off for one reason or another and that he should consider himself lucky that he has such a compassionate and sensitive son and that our son still wants anything to do with him he hung up in a huff his mother called yesterday to complain that I was expecting my ex to just sit there while my son and stepson went off on their own and ignored my ex completely and said that I need to look at it from his perspective since he only gets to see our son a few times a year for obvious reasons this annoyed me to the point where I hung up my husband said that he gets it and thinks I should just let it be the two of them am I the jerk 99.9 your ex is clearly the jerk but it's reasonable for him to not want to take the steps on camping you're the jerk if you try to push this this making a plan for the boys to go camping with op's husband is the way to go even if neglectful dad has refused the stepson and dips out on his own son both boys will still have another adventure to look forward to that will actually happen win-win you're the jerk you asked he answered the answer was no you didn't need to keep going she didn't really keep going she advocated for her son and then got harassed by his mother the ex also did not appear to be stepping up to tell the son that the stepson couldn't come it appeared that the ex and The ex-mother-in-law Wanted the mother to do it none of this is her problem she relayed her son's request her work is done her only response going forward should be ask your father she is not the jerk you're the jerk I'm with your husband on this one the dynamic of the trip changes completely with another kid going along your ex goes from dad being fully engaged and participating with his own son to referee slash Fire Starter slash Tent Maker am I missing something it seems pretty clear here that your son is the one that expressed interest in bringing his stepbrother along your son is pretty lucky to have meshed so well into a blended family all you're doing is asking your ex if your stepson can come too X is allowed to say no you're allowed to try to change his mind but your husband is right you should not be pushy about this I get you hold a lot of resentment against your ex but you must have made your ex feel pretty guilty for him to go crying to his mom I haven't gathered enough from post to indicate that you are actually being pushy yet so I'll just say no jerks here for now I don't think you're missing anything all the you're the jerk votes seem to have poor reading comprehension I don't even see how she tried to change his mind she stated some basic truths and the ex got huffy and hung up and went crying to his mommy who then called to go off on op the am I the jerk question is about asking her ex for that I would vote not the jerk that she actually refused to accept a no or refuse to tolerate BS from X and ex-mother-in-law I'd be annoyed too he's been neglecting his son so much and then getting upset about this of all things his attitude could be improved in my opinion I do agree with OP her son seems to be way more understanding and forgiving than his dad and not to be rude but probably more emotionally mature too am I the jerk for not paying my boyfriend's child support my boyfriend and I have been together for four years now he moved in with me around the year mark and during this time he has not held a stable job due to health concerns and being in and out of the hospital but he is working now and has been for a while between the both of us we have four kids his two and my two his ex-wife is constantly saying how her kids are my responsibility too even when they aren't at my house and that if my boyfriend cannot make his child support payment or pay for after-school care or if her kids need something that I should step up to do it child support is set up to come out of his checks but I won't it's been nothing but a battle with her she's constantly tearing me down and saying that I'm not a parent to her kids and she didn't even try that it doesn't matter unless my boyfriend and I get married she has and still does talk crap about me to my boyfriend's family it's not been civil and I have done nothing but try mind you I have two kids of my own I pay for everything in my home including anything and everything his kids need while here not to mention the gas for him to get his kids to and from during his time I make sure that all kids have everything they need here even when it comes to holidays I buy the same for his as I do mine I make sure his two are included in everything that we do because we do it as a family I love those kids as my own but I cannot afford to pay two households worth of stuff but in the end it doesn't matter she goes off on me for not stepping up and paying her child support or not asking if there's anything they need for her house am I the jerk for not paying his child support to their mother I feel like you are in a pattern of getting with men that do not care for their own kids properly not the jerk your boyfriend sucks for not paying child support or buying things for his kids but it's not your responsibility five years from now she's going to have one or two of his babies too and be complaining about how he never pays his child support info why are you with someone who can't afford or refuses to pay their child support everyone sucks here why are you in this situation you have two kids to support with Little Help from their dad so you move in this guy who has two kids too now what resources you have have to be split even more you kind of suck here we get you want to be loved but how little does your kids have to receive so you can enjoy whatever this man brings to you you already know that you don't have to pay this woman anything you're just here ranting that she's a jerk who bad mouths you so what why are you even talking to her block her number and send this dude back to his mother until he can hold down a job pay his bills and have something sustainable to offer to you and your kids what does he bring to the table other than his needs you're the jerk situations like this really drive me up the wall why do they always choose to be with guys like this who have kids and refuse to provide for them I'll tell you why because those guys are six feet tall have good facial genetics muscles and are overly confident then you have guys like me very average looking good job master's degree not super confident and not even one woman will swipe right on me then the women I do manage to meet through mutual friends always tell me that they like me as a friend and don't really want to try dating me but they're fine going out to eat with me as long as I pay for it as usual then you hear about couples like this and I just don't get it like maybe the hot guy with two kids he doesn't provide for and who doesn't have a job won't make the best partner for you maybe give the normal looking guy who has his own house makes 80 000 a year and has no kids yet a chance edit call me all the names you want nothing that I've said here is untrue we live in an age where pointing out the obvious results in people calling you names and belittling you no wonder you're all picking the wrong guys you people have no common sense am I the jerk for losing my temper at someone who rear-ended my car earlier today I was driving to work at my internship job the car behind me was driving dangerously close to me the whole time then as I stopped at a red light the girl driving behind me tried to do a full Lane change at the very last second and hit the back corner of my car just as she was turning in I signaled to her to stop over on the side street parking ahead and proceeded to have the most frustrating interaction I've ever had with a stranger she refused to apologize or take any responsibility I don't think I've ever dealt with such an entitled and stuck-up jerk in my entire life I genuinely tried my hardest to stay calm when I first approached her but I very quickly lost my patience and less than 10 seconds of interacting with her me what are your insurance details her I don't know them bro me who manages your insurance then your parents her maybe I don't know is this a police interview me can you stop messing around and just find out when your insurance details are her smirking why are you crying about it my car's messed up too and you don't hear me complaining me are you dumb was I the one who rear-ended you or did you crash into me this mess happened because your brain is too small to learn how to steer a car properly her don't call me dumb watch your tone when you speak to me me forget you I'll talk to you however I want if you're not gonna give me your insurance details then I'm just gonna take a photo of your number plate her whatever I'm done talking to you I don't talk to short men at this point I knew the conversation wasn't going anywhere so I took a photo of her car's plate and we both drove off personally I think my anger was completely Justified I've never dealt with someone so exhausting not the jerk I think you should have stayed at the scene to call the police though now she can claim that there was some mutual agreement reached when in fact she fled the scene also I hope you have uninsured motorist coverage because I seriously doubt she doesn't know her coverage she was probably either an unauthorized user or didn't have any if she refused to provide her car information as required by law they can still call the police and report it I had to call the police on the guy who rear-ended me and refused to provide his insurance and they ticketed him for it you're the jerk she was probably just scared out of her mind I'm a younger driver too 21 female and to be honest we just don't waste time on the road you consider her driving to be erratical but chances are she was just driving the way normal younger drivers do then you made her pull over got out of your car and demanded her details without even introducing yourself then you're surprised she doesn't have a customer service attitude with you I would have called the cops on you if I had been her you sound like you have serious anger issues and taking out your road rage like this is gonna wind up with you behind bars my pregnant sister expects me to support her family financially my sister got pregnant with her boyfriend right out of high school got married the next year then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two so she now has four kids and she's 24 years old she's a stay-at-home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great University since hers are the only grandkids our parents fawn over her constantly they gush over every new tooth or haircut like it's some sort of huge achievement problem is her husband's business wasn't doing great even before lockdown and is barely limping along now sister doesn't work and my parents have limited income so guess who constantly gets told to lend money to them for crap like school fees car seats car payments new strollers Etc they don't even ask my mom just texts me your sister needs money for the kids and I'm supposed to cough it up if I complain they accuse me of being jealous because I don't have a husband and family even though I'm older I'm only 26. so over Easter I noticed my sister isn't drinking and I think oh no here we go again sure enough she stands up and announces that she's having yet another precious Miracle everyone's gushing and I just try to stay quiet and out of the way later she asks me if everything is all right and I try to play it off but she pushes so I asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby very snippily she replies God will provide like he has so far which really ticked me off I yelled that no actually God didn't provide for her babies I did and I wasn't going to be giving them any more handouts it devolved into a huge argument and everyone shouted at me and basically I've been banned from my family unless I apologize I haven't apologized it's been a radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister has issues with her pregnancy then it's my fault for stressing her out I asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer me or tell me I don't know I don't think I'm the jerk but I don't want to be the reason that she has pregnancy issues Karen divorces me and demands to still use my car my ex-wife who's 37 female and I 31 male were together for almost six years and have two daughters who are five and seven she filed for divorce because she wasn't happy anymore with me and we've now been divorced for almost two years it was very difficult for me especially not being able to see my daughters all the time but we were able to arrange a 50 50 split custody agreement and I also pay court ordered child support since I earned significantly more than her but looking back I realized that divorce was the right decision and the divorce has motivated me to pursue my career more and focus on my physical health it is definitely paid off I'm in the most comfortable position financially that I've ever been in and have been in the best shape of my life so I guess in a way the divorce was a start for me to reach my full potential my ex-wife and I have a good co-parenting relationship but nothing more I've been doing great so the last thing I want is to have my ex entangled in my life more than she already is I only communicate with her about the kids and shut down any attempt of her trying to involve herself in my life that doesn't involve our kids my ex recently called me and told me that she hasn't been doing great financially and that she has completely burned through her savings to pay rent and bills on her own to the point where she had to sell her car a few months ago she said that she's been using public transportation to get to work and pick the kids up from school which she says completely stresses her out because it's an almost one hour bus ride to her work making her lay a lot and having no time to properly do anything besides work and picking up and taking care of the kids when she has them I currently own two cars one that I use on a daily basis to go to work and run errands I bought a more expensive car about a year ago and I pretty much only use it when I'm going out on weekends or out on dates knowing that I have two cars my ex asked me if she could use one of my cars to help her out so that she can have a life besides working kids I told her that her being able to have a life besides the kids has nothing to do with me and is not my responsibility I told her that the kids are my only responsibility towards her and that anything else in her life is her problem since I'm not her husband anymore she told me that I'm insensitive and that being terrible isn't going to lead to anything I just told her that the financial security that I provide isn't something she has the right to anymore and that she has to deal with her own problems now am I the jerk edit everything our kids need is within walking distance of my ex's place it's her job that requires her to take those hour-long bus rides I'm not going to leave a judgment but you sound so bitter maybe get some therapy she's the mother of your kids your job as a father should be to make their lives easier you sound like a jerk and I can only guess why she divorced you you'd be helping your kids which is what you should do and be careful of alienating your kids from their mother because your bank account is larger that would be considered mistreatment and courts don't like that be a decent human being I'll vote no jerks here purely on technicality because technically you're right you don't have to let your ex borrow your car or let her have any more emotional space in your life be on your kids but I don't really understand how you don't see that your ex being miserable will have a negative impact on your kids your problems aren't mine is quite the ignorant notion towards someone who's raising your kids fifty percent of the time there will always be an entanglement also to me it doesn't sound like you're being completely honest about being in a better place than when you were married otherwise you wouldn't be so unempathetic towards your ex-wife you're the jerk you're not responsible for her no and I don't think you should give her your car or be responsible for her but don't forget your kids here even if the situation is entirely because your wife is terrible don't you want to be good to your kids what you should be thinking here is what can I do to make things better for my kids which may or may not involve you doing something for your ex you can't say your 50 50 parenting when you don't give a hoot about them the other fifty percent of the time have a grown-up conversation how can you both parent your kids better you're the jerk this post comes across as very smug and cringy you spent half the post talking yourself up what has your Fitness got to do with anything basically she wounded your ego by leaving you and now you get to Lord it over her financially I doubt many of these women you're pursuing would be very impressed if they knew the mother of your kids is struggling to survive even more so that you have an extra car on the driveway whilst they have none do you want your daughters to look back at their childhood and remember the disparity in both your living situations lavishly at yours and scraping by at their mothers knowing that you go on expensive dates and have a flashy car to Peacock them around in or do you want them to look back and remember you gave their mother a car so they could get to school and extra money so they could buy groceries personally I'd choose the high road but it's up to you not the jerk reverse the genders and everyone would be calling husband a bum and claiming wife should have full custody sorry Reddit as being so redid on you today congrats on improving your life you deserve it am I the jerk for not removing the Disney items from my house I'm 35 female my husband who's 38 and I are what you would call Disney adults we used to work for the parks in college and met there for us it has sentimental value as well as being something we both loved from our childhood now we are conscious to not be those Disney adults we can hold conversations outside of the movies and Parks we both work well-paying jobs unrelated to the company we have other hobbies and interests as well our son isn't big on Disney and we're cool with that it's just something that we enjoy as well as our daughters we nurture all of our kids hobbies and interests we also don't blow all of our money on this stuff I know I may sound overly defensive but we get a lot of comments from people who don't know us well anyway we live in a renovated farmhouse on a bit of land that includes a barn that we finished off with hopes to make it a guest house one day in the meanwhile we've had a relative get married here and it was gorgeous now my sister who's 28 wants to get married on our property and we were all for it everything's been planned for months and the wedding is in June it's set to be outside completely but if it rains we can move the party into the barn the only reason a guest would have to go in our house is to use the bathroom we have two on the first floor the only Disney items are Winnie the Pooh hand towels I told my sister I'd replace them with regular ones wedding space has no Disney items however she wants me to take down everything Disney on the first floor of my home as guests will see it we have a lot of Disney items pictures paintings blankets Funko Pops decorations figurines dishware Etc and a lot of it is subtle or vintage but you can still tell it's Disney one this would be a massive undertaking it's not as simple as shoving stuff in a closet we'd have to pack it up and find a place to store it the sheer amount would require at least two hours of packing not to mention storage and unpacking after 2. it's ridiculous to me who cares if people see she says it looks tacky and she doesn't want people to remember her wedding for that I told her no we're decorating the outside and barn as she wants we're letting her use our property for free which she keeps bragging about to friends as it's saving them a ton when my husband and I stood firm she whined to our parents who told us to grow up and take it down not the jerk your sister doesn't want her wedding to be associated with Disney your sister wants full control of the space and decoration I have an idea she should rent her own venue seriously and force your boundaries and say that's as far as you're willing to go if she wants to change everything she needs to rent a different venue she wanted to get married at your property she knows you have a lot of Disney items she can take it or leave it especially as said items are in an area restricted from guests not the jerk not the jerk she's making unreasonable demands on your home who cares if you decorated your home with Disney dinosaurs or duckies it's your home you're already doing her a huge favor by letting her use the barn in property for free she's being and choosing beggar right now if the Disney decorations are that much of a bother tour then maybe she should find a new location though I'm sure she wouldn't want that because other venues won't be free or so accommodating to her demands you refuse to recheck our scores fine have fun with unemployment context I've been working in this health insurance company for the past three years I recently took another position with better hours in Pay but this time it was to coordinate appointments with doctors and Specialists my metrics were always great and the reason I was selected for the new position was due to my metrics this has been brewing since October of 22. we used to have a co-worker let's call her Karen Karen is this older lady that thinks she knows it all everything she says is right and she often blames everything on other people typical Karen activities the first time I interacted with her was back in October when I message her via our work chat because she messed up prior authorization for a patient and the MD office was calling to have the person that created the authorization fix the issue the conversation went like this me hi good morning I have an MD office calling requesting to speak to you in regards to a prior authorization that looks incomplete Karen and you couldn't help them this is a call center you're supposed to help and I don't even know who that MD is me you're correct this is a call center however you created the authorization and as you know I can't fix authorizations that weren't created by me and also they would like to speak to you specifically I also provided her the patient record number and the MD office phone number Karen well I'm not available to talk to them okay I went back to the call and I specifically told the MD what she said including that she's not available to talk but hopefully she will call them back to fix the issue I also sent a message to my direct supervisor with a screenshot of our conversation and I simply said this is unprofessional especially in an environment like ours fast forward to the start of the year and Karen took a position with our quality assurance Department due to them being understaffed I used to work in the quality assurance department and I knew the ins and outs and knew she would be assigned to our department since she already had experience context our quality assurance gives us scores from 100 and if we miss something we get points deducted example Miss HIPAA minus 20 points inaccurate info minus 10 points don't advise people for our survey minus five Etc come January we get our first bad score in three years of the company it was a 56 percent I was astonished because this is the first time I had been given a bad score but I also make sure the score was correct our company gives us the choice to listen to our calls just to be sure or just in case the quality agent made a mistake I listened to my call and I did everything right I completed the information provided good service and I asked if the patient needed assistance with anything else and provided closing script on the quality note it was stated that I didn't offer any help and that I didn't even complete HIPAA I sent it to my supervisor and he stated that when I offered the closing script the patient asked something and I replied and disconnected the call okay I still said the closing script and his question and my answer lasted literally five seconds my supervisor still went to her and managed to fix the score to 95 percent because she felt like I didn't provide a survey if anyone's worked in a call center you know that metrics are everything and one bad metric will quickly not get you your monthly bonuses and on top of that management will go off on us because if we don't achieve the metrics they also don't get their bonuses I took screenshots of our conversation saved it in a file then I sent it to my personal email since I know our it department is known for deleting anything that's not a working system or appropriate fast forward three days ago April 18th I had received several scores ranging from 85 percent to 80 percent and only one 100 score the 100 score I received it because Karen wasn't the one who audited my call and the other person found everything all right but the 85 looked fishy since the first thing you see is the patient name I quickly remembered the call because the person was funny and I enjoyed the call I listened to the call and of course I did everything perfectly however Karen put on the system that she deducted 10 points for not telling the patient that he had a copay for the visit and another five points for extending the call what I contacted my supervisor and let him know of what happened however I didn't receive a response I was confused so I sent a message to A co-worker who told me they've been having the same issue with Karen with inaccurate Audits and the department not achieving their monthly goals due to it since my supervisor didn't reply I did what everyone does when management doesn't reply I messaged Karen and I sent her a message that just said hey I have some inaccurate Audits and I'd like to know if you could recheck them since I listened to the calls and everything was done perfectly the reply I received was all audit scores are final and it cannot be appealed I knew it was a lie since I worked with quality before and I knew that it could be changed I replied you know I worked in that department for one year and I know it can be rechecked and reversed right Karen said your previous position is irrelevant in this matter if you don't like this score you can go ahead and submit a complaint to my supervisor I replied okay have a good day knowing that her supervisor knows me really well cue malicious compliance I didn't just create one formal complaint I created one complaint for each time she scored me incorrectly not only that but I also told my 19 co-workers what she said and advised them that if they would like their scores overturned and rechecked they could send a complaint to her supervisor but only to send one complaint per bad score also to let you guys know we don't get one audit a month no no we get audited 10 times per month in the span of 24 hours her supervisor must have received around 200 complaints from our department complaining for one person Karen the first complaint was mine with Karen's conversation saying that all decisions are final and she can't recheck or overturn and also saying to submit a complaint to her supervisor her supervisor sent me a message saying that they will evaluate all of the complaints and scores and we will be receiving a message that was on Monday April 17th Tuesday we didn't get any messages Wednesday I couldn't go to work due to my Illness but today April 20th I received a message from her supervisor stating that my scores had been reviewed and properly scored and also stating that my supervisor will be under investigation because any complaint should be submitted to his manager and he never submitted anything and that the employee has been terminated but the best part is logging into our chat and seeing Karen's profile with no pictures and instead of her name it only said unknown user the morale of our group is better and I hope we don't have issues again am I the jerk for selling my daughter's car I 56 male have a son who's 28 and a daughter who's 22. I like both of my kids equally however there are different individuals with different lives so I help them based on their needs my son did not do well in high school and went to a community college and decided it was not for him after a semester and went to trade school and eventually settled on HVAC he had issues sticking to things so as a reward when he became certified in HVAC I bought him a brand new truck as a gift my daughter got into a good college out of state and was always more academically minded when she was about to finish High School it came to a surprise to me that she had taken it for granted that I would also get her a new car even though I never said that I explained that there would be no need for a college girl in a big city to have a car she then asked if I could help with tuition I did not pay for trade school either so I declined eventually she seemed down so I offered to buy a used car in my name and she could use it for a while until I decided to sell it but she would have to maintain it she seemed really happy with that so we got an old 99 BMW for really cheap the body was in good condition but the engine and transmission needed work and it needed painting she did the essential fixes first but then slowly did unnecessary ones even though I never asked for that and repainted most of the car and had the interior detailed when she came back for a visit this week after finishing her finals I decided it was time to sell the car and listed it she seems upset with me even though we had agreed to it and I never asked her to repaint the car she said she thought I was going to sell it much later when it rusted or something she also says I can sell it more expensive because of her fixes but the reality is I got the car just before lockdown and used cars cost a lot more sense and that's why I cannot sell it for more I offered to pay her back for half of the paintwork am I the jerk here edit okay seems people think it was wrong but my son only got the truck after schooling and my daughter has not finished school yet I have not thought of her graduation gift yet but the car is only listed and I will think about it and reconsider edit too okay I'll let her keep it and delist it for now my plan was always to sell it as I feel like 90s BMWs in good shape are desirable but she seems attached to the car now okay so your son gets an expensive new truck and your daughter got an old used car paid for the repairs on the car herself so you see nothing wrong with punishing success and rewarding failure you're the jerk edit for all the comments I'm getting I never said HVAC was failing bribing the sun to finish is this post makes me so sad of course you're the jerk and helping based on their needs is you knowing that you're favoring your son and treating your daughter horribly you bought a car really cheap then your daughter paid for the engine and transmission work painted it detailed it and maintained it and now you want to sell her car after you bought your son a brand new truck I would never speak to you again wow you're the jerk it's like you're punishing her for her success or something and to pay for only half the paint Etc after she paid for all of the essential fixes too yes you're the jerk am I the jerk for saying wow I don't like you to my friend's boyfriend this happened a few weeks ago and I probably am the jerk so I came here to check I was at the mall with my best friend when another friend let's call her s noticed us and invited us over s was with her boyfriend at the time and wanted to introduce us and since we enjoy meeting new people we obliged it did not take long before we realized that her boyfriend was let's just say strange he refused to talk to us giving one word responses to everything and when the topic went towards things we enjoyed or liked he'd just go I don't care it was disheartening to say the least I try my best generally to include everyone in a conversation but he honestly refused to participate even when the topic was his interests or relationship with s the thing that really broke the camel's back for me at least was that he made s talk for him and not an a I don't know what to say so please take the reins away but in an almost there beneath me way s tried her best to accommodate but there were things she couldn't respond to like what were boyfriends favorite video games and stuff like that after around 30 minutes of trying to either ignore boyfriend and discuss other things or let him speak only for him to refuse to I just didn't care anymore and went wow I don't like you and he once again just ignored everyone even when Esh tried to defend him the whole thing ended up just being awkward and afterwards s didn't talk to me as much it all came to a head at my best friend's birthday when s tried to confront me and said I was a jerk for being mean to her boyfriend I was most likely rude I agree though I genuinely was out of things to say at that point so am I the jerk edit I spoke to S and friend and from what we know the boyfriend is not autistic me S and friend are diagnosed with ASD but if boyfriend is he isn't diagnosed or doesn't know it also we are all adults since people asked not the jerk sometimes people just don't like each other at least you were honest I'd give him a past for social anxiety or something akin to that but I don't care is a horrific response to someone trying to befriend you not the jerk sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade s is just blind because she likes him who knows why you are more objective you tried to be nice and engaged him in a conversation but he acted like a giant jerk might as well say the truth than being forced to spend time with him again honestly everyone sucks here you really didn't have to say anything to a person you've just met you could have just ended the conversation and moved on he didn't have to act like a jerk but it kind of seems to me that he didn't want to talk to you from the beginning like the two of them were likely on a date he was intending to have some personal time with his girlfriend and was super not excited when there were suddenly other people involved and if my assumptions are correct then s also sucks for inviting you to join them in the first place I agree this is probably what was going on he didn't sign up to spend half an hour being interrogated by girlfriend's friends he was just trying to enjoy a date but that's life people might join in a social setting or a group that you're a part of who you don't know unless they're being obnoxious you be polite and Converse with them don't be so obtuse to think it's socially acceptable to sit and huff and be blatantly rude towards them because you don't want them there or you don't know them you're the jerk dude was on a date and you wouldn't stop interrogating him why do you need to ask him what his favorite video game is if someone isn't in the mood to talk to you then you accept that instead of rudely telling them that you don't like them the world does not revolve around you and you do not get to demand that someone talk to you he wanted to be with his girlfriend not you and you crashed their date am I the jerk for letting my husband leave and ruining mother-in-law's family photos I 27 female have been married to my husband 29 male for five years my husband has a big family four sisters and a brother and they're all very close sister-in-law's visit mother-in-law at least once a week and help out with things like house cleaning and gardening we visit them a couple times a month and my mother-in-law calls my husband at least twice a week I've never really had a problem with my in-laws other than mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law being a bit cold to me when we got engaged because they wanted my husband to settle down with someone who was Korean but I like to think that they've warmed up to me so today we went over to my mother-in-law's house since we were told the whole family would be there for a nice dinner we dressed up as mother-in-law expects when she says it will be a nice get-together we were visiting with his siblings and their spouses but mother-in-law announced that she had a photographer coming over and she wanted to do family photos in the garden we were taken aback as we hadn't been told about any photos but we went with it it's not unusual for mother-in-law to Spring things on us so we socialized until the photographer got there then everyone started going out back to get ready for the photos Mother-in-law asked to speak to me for a moment so my husband went out without me I figured she'd tell me to change my hair and take off my lipstick as it's common for her to micromanage my appearance instead she told me she wanted me to wait inside I was taken aback and asked if it was just going to be the immediate family she said no she was going to hang these up in her house and wanted to make sure they gave off a good image I asked her what that meant and she said she wanted the pictures to have serious family members in it and I should just wait inside I just nodded and left for the bathroom before I started crying sister-in-law 2 had brought her boyfriend of seven months and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law 4 had brought their spouses of four in two years who I assumed were going to be in the pictures I tried to hold it together in the bathroom after about 10 minutes I heard my husband calling for me I come out to find him storming through the house mother-in-law chasing after him with sister-in-law one both shouting in Korean and we left with his mother yelling at us he didn't talk on the way home he shuts down when he's angry so I don't know what happened but my sister-in-law's and mother-in-law are messaging me that I ruined the family photos and that I've broken my mother-in-law's heart as she was dreaming of these photos of her beloved kids even my youngest sister-in-law who's usually jumping with me is saying I should have convinced my husband to go back I don't know what to do I've tried so hard to get them to like me her not wanting me in the photos hurt but maybe I should have told him to just finish the photos I did nothing to try and stop him and I feel bad that I was just crying like a baby and couldn't even talk to my husband am I the jerk for crying and letting my husband just leave not a jerk his mother is a real jerk and good on him for getting upset about it though he should work on communicating better with you when he's upset that said he should be upset his mother was belittling you his family is basically saying we told you that you suck that we don't like you and we're complete jerks to you but it's all your fault because you didn't tell him to stay after he got mad at us for being jerks the mouse story it was Autumn 2019 shortly after the first Frost and our cat brings us a malice we take a picture and report to maintenance they check out the apartment see no mouse droppings set a trap and tell us to let them know if it happens again a few nights later we get another mouse and then the next night we get two more mice we call maintenance they claim to have found the issue behind the stove they patch it and leave we get another mouse they claim there's an issue by our washer dryer and they patch that then there are more mice we request a professional exterminator daily and they refuse eventually maintenance gets sick of our calls we never got a mouse in our trap and there's no mouse droppings the only evidence of mice is our pitchers of 16 mice with our cat over time so the maintenance guy comes over with a clever idea he says next time we get a mouse we need to keep it and bring it to the main office they can study it and figure out where it's coming from my husband and I are well educated and know that's just not how mice work the landlord doesn't want to pay an exterminator and they don't believe the issue is as bad as it is it's time for a little malicious compliance a night or two later we get a mouse we put it in a garbage can in the tub until morning unfortunately the little guy doesn't make it through the night in the morning we bag our friend and head up to the leasing building the apartment manager is there as are several families waiting to begin a tour of the complex we explain to our landlord about the now 17 mice and how we're now supposed to personally deliver each Mouse to her she looks at my husband horrified grabs her cell phone and heads to a back room we can hear her screaming at the maintenance guy about his request in the meantime we're explaining to her potential tenants the issues we've been facing a couple minutes later she returns tosses the mouse in the garbage and says they'll be paying a professional exterminator to take a look at the building the Exterminator found hundreds of entry points which get taken care of that was the last Mouse we ever had in that apartment throw your trash in my yard enjoy moving my now ex neighbor was pretty trashy cars sitting on blocks in the yard cigarettes hanging out of her mouth while she was pregnant and Blasting Kid Rock well this lady decided that paying one dollar per trash bag was just too much our Township will only pick up your trash if it is in one of the approved purple bags though so normal trash bags will just be left behind the trash truck drives right past them her solution buy normal trash bags at the dollar store and have her eight-year-old toss them over the fence into my yard now their trash is my problem after confronting her she just laughed so I called the cops they said that since the kid was so young and there was no proof his parents told him to do it there was nothing that they could do so this went on for about four months me taking the bags of trash they toss into my yard wrapping them in purple bags that I paid out of pocket for and putting them out to the curb pretty annoying not to mention the extra three dollars or so a week I'm spending on trash bags I'm slowly growing to hate this lady it was annoying at first but I was getting mad mind you I own my home and she was just renting hers so I get a hold of their landlord and I offer to buy the house for a decent amount above market value 17 percent he jumps at the offer and soon I'm the proud owner of the house next door to me sure it cost me seventy one thousand dollars but what price do you put on peace of mind the very first thing I did was serve them an eviction notice in person across the same fence that they like to throw trash over that was 31 days ago as of today the unit is empty I don't know where they win but they're someone else's problem now all because she didn't want to pay for her own trash bags I think I'm going to knock that house down and make my yard bigger I've been wanting to put in a handball court note for the profile stalkers this is not the same neighbor with the Husky I like those Neighbors am I the jerk for exposing my ex to his mother I 45 female am currently divorced from my ex Thomas 47 male of 30 years we ended up seeing a lawyer to help with dividing stuff everything was pretty much wrapped up till he said he no longer wanted any part of our kids lives who are 5 and 12. I didn't argue with him about it since I already know what it's like having a parent who doesn't want you around or want to be part of your life I asked what he wanted me to tell the kids and he just said whatever you think is best I don't care I don't want to be a parent anymore everything was in agreement and signed with no fuss a few weeks later I get a call from my ex-mother-in-law asking if we could meet each other when I came over she broke down crying and begging to let my ex see his kids again I was confused about what she meant because not once did he contact me after meeting the lawyer she went on about how my ex said he really missed them and that I was being a petty jerk for taking full custody and that he was crying for days about it I told her my version of events and she called it BS saying her son wouldn't lie especially not about his kids then I decided to call him in front of her he didn't know she and I were meeting that day I said hey your son has a soccer game in a few days which he did and I was wondering if you wanted to go I know he'd really love it and he'd be happy to see you he instantly said no I already said I'm not doing this anymore I raised my voice a bit saying well what about holidays and birthdays because we never discussed any of it and your family might want to see them he just said my family already thinks they aren't mine anyways so it doesn't matter I asked well how do you think this is going to affect Denise his mom she's over the moon about them he just said she loves me more than the kids so I doubt this will be an issue for her after a bit more talking we finally hung up ex-mother-in-law was straight-faced and nodded at everything that just happened saying hmm okay she asked me to leave and said we would be in touch later that day I got a call from my ex saying how it's my fault he was kicked out of his mom's house and possibly will be taken off her will also that none of his family members will talk to him because of what ex-mother-in-law heard he threw a lot of insults at me before I hung up and now him and his mates keep calling and texting me my friend is saying I shouldn't have said anything in the first place and I ruined his life edit yes I plan to let Denise see the kids because I know she just wants to give them the world along with the rest of his family second edit I want to address something because this keeps coming up and I can't keep up with everyone due to actions he and I took when we were younger my Christian parents thought it would be best he and I be married at the time not the jerk he had the right to sign off his rights he did not have the right to paint you in a bad light and make you look to be at fault and evil or manipulative that's defamation of character you had the right to set the record straight his mom had the right to go no contact with her son a grown man who didn't want contact with his actual kids sounds like he's getting a taste of his own medicine AKA Karma do this next tap here on your screen to come see our new podcast playlist where you'll find thousands of hours of the best stories you've ever heard or tap the one on the right that episode is specifically just for you based on other videos you've enjoyed the most

Channel: r/mr redder

Views: 88,482

Keywords: reddit, entitled people, r/entitledpeople, entitled peoples stories, r/entitledparents rslash, entitled, reddit funny stories, rslash entitled people, entitled people top post, funny karen stories, karen story, entitled stories, entitled karen, entitled people reddit, reddit entitled people, entitled mom, entitled mom stories, entitled parents, horrible karen stories, karen freakouts, r/, karen freaks out, hoa, reddit podcast, aita reddit stories podcast, reddit podcast stories

Id: pKoMmbsCRcs

Length: 195min 58sec (11758 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 25 2023