Jim Breuer Answers the Internet's Weirdest Questions

as Jim Breuer and I'm answering the internet I am currently on my comedy tour live and let laughs go to official Jim Breuer calm B ar e u ER BR e ue are very simple come to a city near you would you rather have a dick as your nose or a nose as your dick oh my god I think I would mmm dick as my nose oh you know what yeah I'm gonna go with a as long as I could still you know have the eyes go back in my head at the same feel I'm gonna go with the nose by my dick and I'll tell you why because a dick on your nose it's a lot of work you know she's like it's a lot of work it's a lot of work where this yeah this you have nothing to lose you've nothing to lose down here yep nose you know small nose black probably a little more sensitive smell this this is you know people bump into it you could slam it in the door by accident oh it's nice slam the door my dick you know people could bump into you you're in line dude you take some my back back up if you can party with one sports team in history 86 minutes I think I think my I think my clothes would still be missing would you rather only be able to use magazines report or have to sit on the toilet anytime you have to pee oh I would well first of all I come from the age where you needed magazines and to be honest with you I sit on the toilet when I piss because I live in a household women so sitting on the toilet when I piss is no problem it is worth sitting talking pissing then have four female voices going dad any time one day you're pissing ma that gets gross spills all over it's on the side how do you get it on the side can you tell me that I want to clean it when I lift it it's behind it how do you do it's not worth it sit and piss you have to have sex with the girl of your dreams but they hold a press conference after rating your sexual performance do you do it now I'm married so I have to go to my single days yeah I'll take that press conference because no matter how bad it is because as long as I still have a voice at that press conference I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna take if I'm going down I'm taking it down with me I'm exploiting every little thing about her oh you think she's hot he's hot she burps and farts throughout the entire whatever I ain't afraid of you come loudly every time you fart or fart loudly every time you come oh my god I'm gonna go with the fart every time you come how exciting is that that's my love call to you and quite honestly whenever I described that that's the noise I use anyway like see I just came all right if you were homeless which city would you live in San Diego would you rather have hot dogs for fingers or hamburgers as butt cheeks hotdogs I'm gonna go with hamburgers as buttcheeks yeah but you can't play it you donkey with hot dogs would you rather [ __ ] a goat and nobody knows or you don't [ __ ] a goat but everyone thinks you did oh I'd [ __ ] the goat nobody knows I've always wanted to try something like that at least once before I go down if you're gonna have one person narrate do play-by-play of you having sex who would it be Bob Murphy let you know what your audience not gonna know Bob Murphy is so you know what I'll tell you who Susan almond of the Yankees oh my god John look at Jim Breuer Oh his technique John I didn't see that coming no pun intended something he just spotted if you had to pick one person to be the ambassador for the human race to meet aliens but Joe Rogan you get a hundred thousand to put your baby in a microwave Jesus for three seconds do you do it now 2.5 million maybe no would you take four million dollars Oh God to be uncatchable never no no and I'll tell you why because it doesn't matter if someone just accuses there's eight billion people go did you hear he I think it happened know who would win a fight a Navy SEALs brain or a toddler's body or a toddler's body in a seals body a Navy SEALs brain you see like I know how to [ __ ] kill you hmm I'm going with the baby if it has nuts the baby can win the nuts can take out any size when I got a big silverback gorilla in front of me which I've had in my time and I felt threatened I immediately go I just look at his thighs and his groin area and see how fast I can go at it and bite it and watch that Godzilla come down nice on my size matter of fact true story I have a family member silverback gorilla he was surfer for years shoulders monster wrestler UFC we were at a family function we were getting a little too crazy at too many cocktails he thought it'd be fun to wrestle me I'm in my 40s I'm a little fat and chubby but I come from the street he doesn't he had me down on the floor you know I did I stuck I called it the shock and awe hand to God took my thumb jammed it in his ass he was in complete shock slapped him and then took him down when in doubt thumb to the [ __ ]

Channel: Answer the Internet

Views: 116,593

Keywords: Kfc radio, barstool, barstool sports, kfc radio podcast, comedy, internet, entertainment, answer the internet, barstool answer the internet, kfc barstool, feitelberg barstool, feits barstool, feits, feitelberg, john feitelberg, hypotheticals, weird hypotheticals, dumb questions, weird questions, jim breuer, jim breuer snl, jim breuer metallica, jim breuer stand up

Id: ckIPEUUf3HA

Length: 7min 54sec (474 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 15 2019