Jethro says Bull'cks to Europe HD

right now before we blend start I'd like to say before we start I'm not in a very good mood and I'll tell you that before we bled his dart they want a [ __ ] of a bastard day the yubel's are [ __ ] oh you were just passing through are you I went in the florist to get some flowers for my wife and I said the woman are like a bunch of roses for my wife she said well this is not a florist is a circumcision clinic I said you got flowers in the window she said what do you suggest we put in the window then I run the newspaper I don't want to put an advert in the paper they said is the pound a inch [ __ ] I said I got a 40-foot ladder was the help now this morning damsel and Bertha come in my place this morning jeffer oh he said my wife have got her the bath Angie she slipped on the tiles and you've done the splits and she's gone down and her Fanny stuck to the tile like a plunger he saw you come in and give me an to get her up well we couldn't move her see well we could lift her up but her Fanny would leave go I select all going to get a hammer and chisel and knock the tiles up and get her up when we'll get the tile off after well when I got back he was playing with her teach I said well what you doing well he said I thought if I could get her a bit sexed up I may be able to slide her over to where the tiles are cheaper the silly bugger is swallowed a glass eye and I said well don't worry after we will go right through you in a week as they keep a watchful eye it Isis he well I seen him yesterday and I said if you pass that glass eyes and no yet I said we'll drop your knickers I'll I would look up your [ __ ] and fever I gone looking up his [ __ ] yeah I said I can't see it he's well that's funny I can see you a little Java a woman wrong with us today she's a Jethro you remember you met me three months ago at a party - who she said you did you took me home from the party and we had sex in the cornfield and you said I was a very good sport she's what I'm pregnant I'm gonna have a baby I'm gonna kill myself I said Christ you are good sport he is it was hmm but we was in the bed and an ex-convict broke into our room and he held me my wife at gunpoint now my wife is a big woman she's a fast the matter were you sitting in the room you're sitting next to her I climbed over in bed answer the telephone and burn me ass on the light bulb well this [ __ ] Carver said the bed and he old to the gun point and he tied us up on the bed me and my wife I said he's a very desperate man dear and he'd been locked over months he's going to want to shag you in the minute for certain sure I said look if it's going to save her alive lie back and make out you enjoy it she's one glad you think that way cuz I've just heard him say he thinks you're really cute but I think that picked up and last year are very lucky I went on the holiday on safari with Denzil Penberthy and we got in the jungle I said Denzil look at that lion were one i eated where am i pick up a brick and through this line I hit him right between the blue eyes I said Denzil run for chrissake run for kriby think he said why should I run you through the brick and there was a big sign up it said if you see a leopard shoot him on the spot but we split his starvin see we got lost in the jungle beasts in the fur week we bled his starve and I said we have to eat it pygmy well I catch a pygmy I said we put the chips on and put the pygmy I said put the bugger on the spit and you wind this fit but don't whine too fast and I said beat all the chips and we had two pygmy and I said don't whine too fast well I went to get some more wood when they come back he's winding like hell as to what you're doing you're winding to blenny fast he said if I wind any slower that bastard eat all the chips but they'll darlin my idea right the Nerds bumming Paul uncle have died since I seen you and I went down to the funeral director and they said my uncle I said he died he's the lung sees dead he said what did he do boy died I said he just when I grabbed fellow but I said old uncle always wore a black suit but he died in the blue suit the pity really but he always wore a black suit I'd like I like for him to be buried in the black suit really will he somehow put him in the black suit I said if you do that that would be nice he said I'll get a suit and put on well I went to see him 34 they screwed him down and he looked bled he goes he looked lovely in black uncle did see I said well that's lovely that's that looks a lot better I said how much was the suit he said well it won't cost you nothing because the day after you was here a man come in with his father now he died in the black suit and he wanted the blue suit so he said I just swapped the heads hey you we want who built this bloody war it is osmar with it what is the worst bloody wall I've ever seen in my life you built it I built it straight with that tree I could sell you one thing your bloody off the site you sacked this is bloody terrible I've never seen her I've been in the film trailer 40 year is the worst wall I've ever bloody scene they're worth more than that on this site you there's worth you don't realise what [ __ ] you're employing this is good I to show you worth more than that but if you show me a Boris warmness you've got your job back then I'll never see just a bloody war like it you come on me than shorter oh yeah my bloody jobs at stake here for bloody people we do it I would let all of that you show me a worse one there that's pretty good one I ain't Russia you come here little bit look at that bugger there up look at that like you're gonna lay down look look look look at their they're not look over there there left look over that Hey well that's bloody told that that was better than that you got that phone man will you write that there that's better than that ass as the bloody lash up we are quite right why not I'm a man of my word you got you your job back yeah boy honest but I D terrible that is I've never seen a bloody bag alert look will you built this bloody war I did the name German I haven't been well I've been worse than that [ __ ] I am in that bad but I've had this terrible headache for been six months continuous I've had a bloody headache crazily for six months I've had a headache and I went to see the doctor and he said the reason you got headache is that you need to be castrated I said what it's a squatch yes he said you'll need to be castrated right but he said everybody's head ache I said well I can't live with headache if it means being castrated thus laughter because I can't live what he castrated me and I felt better I fell not bad on the come down the road I thought I'll have a new coat and I went in the shop I thought I'll have a sports coat please he said yes he said you're a 44 I said hey you know that he said that's my job I know just been looking to you you're a 44 right he said what a better new trousers I said yeah he said you're a 30 inside leg I say you know that it police' that's what I do that's what I do I'm a tailor that's what I do nice what about a new parent packs easy you're a 36 that's I'm not I'm 34 no he said you are you're a 36 I said I'm telling you I always wear a 34 it's a listen if you wear a 34 it'll pinch your balls that tight will give you a headache last week because I live the needy mr. Morgan Naval Air Station when we get all the American Center and they come to take my daughters over last Tuesday night and not come to the door and a man said a good evening my name is Lance I've come to see your daughter Nance I'd like to take her to the dads hey chance there's a voter who I said Nance there's a man called Lance that I could take it to the dance any chest yeah she's I'd be right to him well the one very long for the door knock again and the man said good evening my name is Jill I come to see your daughter Flo I'd like to take her to the sure who do these you go home I go I'll ask her I did Flo that the man called Joe and they could take you to the show will you let me go who yes is I begin right now well the one very long before the door knock again and the man said a good evening my name is Tucker but just down from us little jobless it's a poor old boy den he's a dear old boy he's given marriage in these settings are keys and lover the boy is called Penrose and he said the darling gettin married he said to eighteen year old girl he said you're 91 he said I know but he said that he's doctor said you'll never cope he said just a word in your ear take in a lodger just help him but he see the doctor last week he said everything's all right he said 'my wife is pregnant he's a whopper the lodger he said she's pregnant as well but poor ole firmly oh he C tenner well he had mad sex his wife for years and she said she see the doctor she said have you got anything that I could give him to pattern up a bit when he said like I've got some tablets but they're very very strong he said whatever you do don't give him one had more than one he said but he said I'll give you thirty one for every day of the month and he said see oh he is after the month well she wrung him the next morning she said I give Fernley than tablets he's heavy did you give him well she said I thought he he would particularly did so I give him the bloody thought good he said what happened well she said like we were sitting there having dinner and she said they must have worked because he jumped up he pulled the tablecloth right off the table all the dishes all over the floor smash the bloody lot he held me drawers off and he bent me over the table then he shagged me for five hours and twenty minutes right well he said I'm sorry to hear about all the dishes well she said don't worry too much we won't go to that restaurant again I had that bad experience with that made did I tell you know what out of her well she was up in pre looking girl but she had a bloke beside her playing the trombone ready boom well I will up she's pretty and I said that I chatter over bed you know I would turn on all the charm like ooh I didn't like to do i salut this is ask my brother my brother a super what he bring him for she said well I call who were joined at hips i me twin joined the day he we've been old Mabel all spin together always but I said only get on your bloody tripe which he said it's bad enough being joined to him but she's had the bloody trombone she said I don't like trombone I rather have trumpet but she said we joined up on I can but you're just like no which is a weaving 20 years even learn and play that bloody thing and he still cut bread I said well don't you ever have a boyfriend you know a little bit of the day all them young she's well I do enjoy it but finding somebody pissed enough does give me one with II plan that bloody trombone anything I'd sit down me I said well I'll have a partner to and try it a lot olive go see well I haven't had a few points and took her back like got her in the bed but it's a job a contract with a bloke the bad enough watching but playing a bloody trombone oh I said can you get him to stop just for five minutes or when stopped he wailmer in the next morning when I woke up I thought like whatever have I done I took her back oh my god I thought I hope nobody ever find out with her bloody Trumbo ordered me for days well laughs twenty I don't and knock come to the door I open the door there she was on the doorstep oh my god with him still playing the trombone she said I I don't expect you'll remember me cuz I was all over the world I was in the northern provinces of SCOE de león train lines was about 2,000 men and I said how do you manage for a bit of sex they said wasn't camel that's what we use for sex a camel I said no I don't think so not mean I said I don't think I could do the camel well after six months you do tend to bend a bit so I said I think I'm going to try that camel so I went down with two milk bottle crepes and called up shagged the camel and the man who they said we don't use him for that he said we use him to ride in detail mm-hmm but see then German somebody said to me the other day is what do you think about the use in Asia I said it seems are using Komal a bloody nuisance and somebody stole of the Vickers bike and he said to me Jeff rose some bastard of stole me bike I said we'll look Reverend when you're in church on Sunday morning what you want to do is read out the Ten Commandments and when you come to those shalt not steal have a look around see if anybody's looking guilty said that's a good idea I'll do that well I've seen him come out of church I said did you find who stole your bike Issa Jeffro I got in the middle of the Ten Commandments and he said when I got to those out not commit adultery I remembered where I left my bike illustrator I will remember last time we ze oval and I said to Denzil we ought to take a bit of a present on for the girls and we found the lavatory brushes with yellow handles and black bristles in lovely there was great long lavatory brushes see but when I was a boy father feathers whole family for a fortnight on a laboratory brush baking clay I was very young I didn't know but I thought he had a bloody long nose for a hedgehog well we took these loud the Mandy gift-wrapped them for they lovely gift rattlin they've getting lovely and I took a moment I said to Denzil the following week I said as your wife get along with a laboratory brothers well she said she tried it for bed a week but she don't like it she's gone back to paper again tis Devvarman there was a couple that they're going for they went to a fancy dress do well they had all the kids all the clothes and the mass and all the kit ready to go well just when they's ready to go mother said I don't feel very well I don't think I'll go we said that's a shame isn't there we said you go on enjoy yourself well after better hour she felt better she said I'll go down he won't knew who I am I'll see oh that bastard behave yourself when she got then he was on the floor he was touching up all the women a dirty bastard she said look at that filthy bastard just like yourself sir she's had Oliver dance with that bastard is he open for you go she had a dance rung he's snogging over crazy and she he's touching up she said Herbert putting some required for tenors well he took her in the kitchen there bend her over they give her a hell of a shag oh my god was he sneaked don't say that I wonder what that bastard will say when he get old when he got home she said have you had a good night well he said quiet really she said you didn't do any dance and no he said I never danced at all he said what happened he said I stayed down and played cards he's had a fellow called John Richards he borrowed me cost him all night he said he had a very nice night at the drill increment in unis tree and she met some sailors and she said I'd like to get to Australia they said will stow away on the boat listen but we'll be down to give you a stuffin everyday she said how many of you is there it's just a 41 of us when she been on the boat now for 15 years and last week the captain foundry so what are you doing she said I'm a stowaway I'm going to Australia he said yes silly [ __ ] you're on the tour point ferry I went down to see poor mr. bill [ __ ] was he mr. Ebell [ __ ] last Sunday morning whenever to cut the cabbage for Sunday dinner and he and he died in the in the garden wrong fella well I said to mr. bill I said I'm very sorry mr. bill Coggan Albert have died well Jeff Roe she said he went out to cut a cabbage for dinner sir I'll bet it he will know to cut a cabbage for dinner and he he dropped dead right in the cabbage Eisen mr. bill caught what ever did you do she said I had omitting the peas what you doing hey what you doing digging the grave right yeah hey bud you've died budgerigar yeah yeah what cut a great big old for budgerigar hello he didn't York at this point was up a sesame but my auntie is a wonderful woman little dumb she's a great big woman and she's out abroad working as a missionary and she got stranded in a desert with two nuns and they're starving Linderman and they've been there a month and they're perishing in the blistering heat and the Land Rovers broke down and one of the girls said if I don't eat surely I shall surely die and he said well the Lord will provide yeah well he had provided much yet which he shall I tell you what I got a little bag of flour I've saved perhaps we could dig a hole in the sand and we could make a loaf of bread and one of them said where were we going to get the water from well she said one of us and after pass a little skeet just enough to make a bit of dough well they dig a pit in his hand to put the flour in no she said Marguerite could you pass a little drop of moisture shyam pissed for a month see of me I am pissed for a month she said we only want a bloody heat whistle I'll try while she got her dress up over a head and they'll I'm drop of the flour right this head leave her go nothing she will force yourself nothing with the girl too dry though she even tried with one leg in the air be well you can't get blood and the same with a girl at dry right now there's no water in the pores though she's about Margaery you obviously drive right out Suzanne perhaps you could pass a little dampness which I am pissed for a month either well she got addressable read well they lined up Suzanne and give that girl credit she forced herself let alone until the veins in her next took out like my finger she even tried to Turkish key well she drive right out see well said we will surely dower Mandy said well if I can't pass a little moisture we will surely die we'll see my auntie Carter dress up overhead well see my aunt is a great big woman and they couldn't tell to a foot worth going come from when they line me and the opposite what she knew she had to do something and give that woman credit then dumb and she know their mother too it dried right out she had to do suffered she forces her but she over stretch herself little government and she FARC and she blowed all the flour right out of another to piss yourself but see we've got a young girl home staying with us on the where she been staying with us and well well I went out to play skittles and she's conniving bath where we call the bathroom in front of the raver and on the on the tin bath as you have a bath one icons of Skittles well I got on my wife said Scheffer you won't believe it but that young girl got in the bath and she m got no hairs on her Fanny for I said no as he should have one or two now she's 34 she says no I said it must be like a bloody money box see you never see nothing's too bold in your life crime must look like Nikki louder she said you won't be she said next week when you go to skittles I'll line up the bath of the window and leave the curtains over a little bit and when you come you come back and have a look you never seen nothing like it well I went to skittles well when I got she got in the bath and my wife said I've noticed you haven't got any hairs not on your Fanny which II was should I have well you said you should have wanted to know especially this damper weather when she said if you got hairs on your Fanny right well my missus got a bit a half-acre she come back since 1974 the buggers going wild it's just like a handbasket with thee my missus called her found the out show and now Z well I got home and she said that you have a look I said I did but I said what you want to go taking your Valley out for well don't make no difference she's at you seen my family thousand times I said I have for the bloody skittle team at Oh y'all some help over lo yeah hey what he'll do to you shouldn't be prison a car like that in your a 82 you that's no you should be prison collector get your head to kick your ass and get your burgers chicken desert house put over Percy over the post or punch old ah sir you put that enough but little I would tonight I was gonna do something special and I thought I have been a very unique act on tonight a man I brought in from Swindon that'll sing god save the queen through his ass then we auditioned him here chooses afternoon and he got up and [ __ ] on the stage I said this is Yeovil it's not LLL Minster I can't have performers [ __ ] on the stage it's a Jeffro you must understand all good singers clear the throat before they start flowers remember when I was a young boy and me and my girl was very inexperienced you know this is when I was 31 we went on holiday in one of these cabin holidays in the woods well I got there I said well you you get the dinner on all going cut some wood one like Melissa Christ my hands are bloody freezing she's ever put him between my legs well it was warm you needn't do it now don't do that in the afternoon I went out and I communicate by crisis on my hands are bloody freezing the Ganges ever put in the tomb in the hex cruise this is twice in the evening I come in I said my hands is bloody freezing again she said don't you ever get cold ears today Linderman today I was outside the lunatic asylum in Dorchester and I could hear all the inmates are in there Sheldon 13:32 the old Chan that's what they do they walk around in circles certain 13 13 13 that's what they do all day I could hear 13 I thought what hell are they doing well it was a hole in the wall I look through the hole and some bastard poked me right in the bloody are you bastard [ __ ] then they all shout 1440 but then they put me in danger in the lunatic asylum we said you don't see a soul within there for months you don't see a bloody soul and then I said to him one day I said Denzil let's have again I said anything to relieve the boredom I'll have a fissure chip shop and you come in for some fish and chips will he come in he said could I have some fish and chips as you get in the back of the queue you bloody nuisance laughter better hour he come up again he's the colors of fish and chips I smack him right in the bloody teeth and get in the back of the kill with a knot all his teeth out and he was crying or yet and all the doctors come in this of one of our heat then Lou said somebody smack me in the teeth he's a lieutenant is that what I do I know with a SHOP full of people but I was in there and a man went down through your mom or mom I said the man wasn't matter with him he said he think he's a Ford Cortina thank you I said can you get him convince him that he's not he's a piss-up I get 10 pound a week for washing him I woke up yesterday morning and there's a gorilla in the tree in my garden a bloody grulla so i wrung pains ooh I said there's a bloody griller in my garden they said we'll send out the griller catcher oh well when he come he had a dog a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun as to what you do well he said what I do is I climb the tree and I shake the tree until the griller fall out and then this dog this dog is trained to bite his knackers and he bite his knackers and he squeezes knackles that tight and eventually with the pain the griller will go like that when he does you put the handcuffs off I see you you're gonna shake the bottom of the tree and that bloody thing with em great teeth is gonna buy the smackers [ __ ] I suppose the shotgun for he said have I fallen the tree shoot the dog in Bodmin last week a chat broker at the mental asylum and he did he broke at the mend asylum and he run down the road he went in the laundry in win with all the women in the laundry he raped three of the women in Laughlin bodman husband my local Padma he raped three in the women and then he ran off so this man he brokered the mental asylum he raped three women and then he ran off and the small and I read in the paper all about it and you know what the headline has no nuts screws washers and bolts I could and I had some money but I got into this prostitute in London which took me trousers off sheets abort you got to no good to me Lester I'm don't mind paying they don't mind paying but she said no good that she said the only thing you see that if you pay she's all I got a glass eye or take the glass eye and tried in there 101 to back with a glass eye hey there's different moment with a glass eye I paid her and she said you come to London often I said well gently come once here Smithfield show she said I'll keep my eye out for you you know our teachers gothic art yeah bastard yeah well Artie he um he got a new job in Tesco how's it he's bouncer in Tesco's well he he he in about old bugger really arty and was our cos I know we all approach you don't tangle Artie well he get his wages and if you gotta throw anybody else he get a pound extra that bonus for everything were last week see Artie was in there and three boys came in stealing apples in thing well you're not artists like yeah then he choked a lot of empty choke their bloody lot of women or their lad gospel couldn't breathe all breath well Smallin right up in the pepper artichoke 3/4 pound desk but nail job when I went to the doctor's well I went in first summer with in the woman said and and she said what we got I said shingles shingles it will sit down there and she took my name in the dress and sit down there and then she would you go into the room and another woman come in she said I understand you got shingles I said yeah she said we'll take your trousers off and she called Almanack her she said call that's better now she's a queen with the doctor well I got in with the doctor II said I understand you got shingles these have you strip off I gotta give you an internal wound and he stick his finger up my [ __ ] he said what make you think you've got shingles I said I know I have I got four town that's I don't want to know where the bottom yeah but worth their work there is worse now come because wallet Hatton ruin will have happened see down in our village does the girl work beyond the bar in the pub she's a lovely girl but she had flattened more grass no team that achieve been bloody friendly I was ring when she's Barrett she'd be able to put in the y-shaped coffin I'm gonna put on her headstone together at last you know well the thing is we've had a new landlord in the pub and he's hasn't her silly bugger he's fell in love with her well last Saturday they got married we all went to the weddin of the lovely wedding and well in the evening we're all in the pub we're drinking Guinness and he's in sausage rolls I must have had enough sausage rolls to put a handrail from here to ever shot anybody from every shot he eat their young in every shot them but the I said is all very well boys I said this is all very well but I said were down here eat drinking the man's skin this and eating his sausage roll he's up with his new bride he thinks she's a virgin while they shot that poor buggers gone out I feel sorry for them I said I'd like know how things are going but angels have I got a ladder on the land rover he said Jeff er if we put a ladder up to the window and you got up top the ladder and you could give a commentary cuz you're good at that I'll come up behind you then build the doer and then slip along Penrose and he said we'll all have a will have a run right through the bar and if you hand the information on everybody will know how things is going good idea get the ladder keep quiet Phil you prick keep quiet what you say keep quiet what is des is a bloody pose keep quiet bill but I put the ladder up and I creep up I said I can see him you can see him he said can he see him yes bill I can hissing see him though shut up quiet you prick don't share bill don't show you [ __ ] bill if you don't stop Sheldon I'm gonna take you in the pub you won't be part of the line I said they're coming in the room they're coming in the room they're coming in the room they're covered in the room to cover them there what happened they're coming in the testing room I see these kissing her he's kissing her he's kids bill said is a kissing there I never done that she's get big cheering the bar is kissing her what happened what happened I'm watching these watching these are you watching I'm kissing watching bill I said go to Karma tips have gotten tips have got it I heard a big cheer hey got her today does she keep quiet keep quiet I said she got his [ __ ] he got his [ __ ] it got his comment on his comp every message come back Oh big is it how big I said he's Jewish he's Jewish what happened what happened what I saw I'm bloody watching fell I didn't listen I'll piss on you in a minute yeah I said he got her knickers off gotta knickers off get her knickers I've got in the picture hey got in their message come back walk color are they walk collar on I said they're blue blue built it blue she had the aunts morning I just keep quiet they'll keep ready they've turned the pissin light out I can't see nothin I can't see nothin I can't see nothin they can see you can't see nothing well this and this and Jeff will you listen unit or I all listen and build you listen to shine your torch piss off their theater I'm listening you keep quiet bill and I can bled here I said he's given the one he's given a one if given a one they give her one he could be chilled Hays given a one then she said darling you are now where no other man has ever been I said he's a pariah what is he doing he's been it been standing like that for days I mean what the hell is he trying to do wait are you doing go away hey go away yep you've been here for days were you doing Matt I'm gonna have an OBE to go boy an OBE that's what I'm doing here no go away how do you expect to get all be it said in the paper you get an OBE if you're outstanding in your field I'm not going I see it now arise sort wet coz off and I hope your next turd is a hedgehog here oh yeah yeah get up hope you're here alternate [ __ ] and [ __ ] glorious ink well I tell you what is it is wonderful but I always remember I come here while I stayed in the hotel and I said the man I said them how much is it room he said will be fifty pounds a night my wife said what'd he say he said it'll be fifty pounds a night listen you silly [ __ ] he said would you like a bathroom or a bath or you like a shower he said what do you say he said you want a bath or a shower as he will have a bath thank you would you like a single a toot a twin or a double C what do you say he said you want a twin or a double he's away from I said I'm from como si what'd he say he asked me where we're from as over from calmly said you know he said I had the worst shag I ever had my life in como si what'd he say he said he thinks he knows you then dens of the yeah the baker's shop that he was doing the bake and when people come in he served that all the sorts of roles and Fantas and the health and safety man come in he said you can't do that now now not with political correctness and Europe buses over there he said it's all is it you got it you've got to clean yourself up now he's only giving you six weeks to get this tidy or will you come in last week and Den's was serving everything with the tongs he said that's good that is good I'm glad to see that he's trying to use the tongs all the time he still you're a good boy he's once a piece of string hanging at your shirt well he said when I go for the piss under my flavor I've pulled me [ __ ] a with a string because that's very good if you hear to get it back he said the tongs yeah you know he was out diving and he clubbed the boat Jeffro he said of shark of bit me leg off as at which one is I don't know they all look the same but when we was in Taunton we never any money I said I'll tell you what we'll do then - we'll have a drink what we'll do you give a Hogg's pudding and when I give you the note you hanging out your fly front and I'll get there and I bite the end of it and I said the landlord will say get out your filthy passes we don't have twists like you in here well we got the Hawks putting the winning the first pup I said two pounds of bitter please we started drinking yet with the Hogs but I got them to bite the Hogs button get him ya dirty bastard he said we don't want bastards like you it well it worked very well after bit 10 pubs I said angel I think we'll do one more pub and then we leave it that is I think we should because I lost the orcs put in five pubs ago they've asked me tonight if I would sing a very old Devonshire folk song for you it's Tom Pierce's gray mare but it was 84 verses and they'll get on your pissants right so what I've done as I've taken this beautiful old traditional song written our years ago by a man called Sabine baring-gould I've taken this famous old song and I've shortened it tonight for you Tom Pierce's gray mare especially shortened for this occasion here in your Ville tonight thank you thank you thank you and I shall sing this completely unaccompanied I think a lot of folk songs who remember that beautiful song I wrote I love to walk the hills and dales along the riverbanks I once stepped on a phallus as a woman shouted side and you all remember that famous song of mine you only look half as ugly when I close one eye and the lovely one I wrote going back now have you ever leave me walk out backwards so I think you're coming in I read them all meet me outside the pawn shop and I'll kiss you under the ball Tom Pierce's grey mare Lindemann thank you oh here's Tom piers lend me your gray mare No 10 were weaker that there's a late birthday rod and there's a nun on the bus it you did it there's a nun on the bus and the driver is driving on and she said are you married he said no I'm not married who she that's unusual isn't it she's not married he she said you know I'm a nun I've I don't want to die without experience a man you know well he said I'm not married she said well we're running a bit early perhaps you could stop the bus and split me whiskers when he stopped the bus and she said look she said I am a nun I must die virginal you mustn't give me one perhaps you could give me one up the selection box well he said I'll I'll try it when he give her one up the ass holdin on destructon when he finished he said I must tell you the truth my dear he said I am married and I got three children and she's I must tell you the truth I'm not a nun I'm a postman later on the show of course we should be asking more serious questions for you to get your papers out and we should be hearing what happened when I was in Spain anybody from Spain let's talk amongst yourself but I was in Spain I went for a meal in Spain it's pretty good they give me a lovely meal with some lovely meatballs it bloody good and I said the man I like that enjoy that I said what wasn't he said it was the balls of the bull from the Bulls like right sorry I meet the Bulls knackers hmm [ __ ] well I saw they wouldn't have ended but now I've added I would ease it again well I went in the next night and I had the same but the Bulls want to bake I said why is it the last night the ball was much bigger well they said sometimes the bull wins oh good morning hi uh I'm from everlasting window it's yeah and what the thing is you haven't paid anything on your double glazing oh the double amazing yes yes oh yeah you told me you hope you're better you told me in 12 months he pays up yeah it works every time it every time they don't like it they can't always keep it up inside your door and that's what happens they just go away yesterday and the tax might come he's better just their vigilance out easy just learning how to do it that's all do you know that Denzil is a platen he doesn't know the difference between incest and arson and every far the afternoon he set fire to his sister but he wears the kill cuz he's part Scott and his mother said Denzil you should wear a little bit under your little pair of pants because he's big boy when he went to school he was excused from wearing short trousers she said well he's a kiss him it was he brought back three and a half yards said you don't need three and a half yards and make a pants for you you'll need half a yard well she made AB little pants and it was alright but you know what he's like he went down to try bogus I Street with a kill on and he thought he had his pants on he thought he did he never when he met my auntie Mildred and she said no I like your kilt and Lee said you look at that what do you think of that you needn't look frightened he said I got three yards or more like that go Gavin is there any young people in because with the council's now the theaters in England we must be on when we do these shows we must be advisory as well so The Vicar was going to come tonight to educate young people on how to behave ourselves and how to get set up in their marriage and the best thing to do to get right from the start well unfortunately he couldn't be here but as you know all vicars got glasses and false teeth so I've agreed to give his lecture to you of course I must look like a vicar don't laugh madam this is my career did you keep your legs together is it this land in your family it will be a vicious circle start the car without of the other day together young people some advice on how to go through the life I know young boys throughout they find a young girl not in Nashville when you get narrating the come to my little church and that wonderful day that night we had such a there's just a few words for them but the beautiful they're all the Luthor on the truth the Sun was shining us a little reserved right to lose into the Turk are I simply occurred I says that final girl in a very well doc it's my ludus away the sunlight was talking with a rock the blue boys what you want to go I've noticed it I fill it in light of her pass the find the girl you get me out is when you have two children who live in it in a house and got a mortgage then after about ten years you all fall out then the sense is a tussle cow two to two children and the house and you end up living in the flat in Barton my advice aloo young boys tonight versus when they're 20 when we'll find a woman who really hit you got a header with a vengeance by our house and forget the rest you have to make your I do thank you a lot for coming tonight because Yoga is a good creditor minded on you you could have a sense of humor to live here I'm you is anybody here from the helicopter Factory is it ah you is it boss okay but then gentlemen I like to leave you with a very sobering thought thanks for being great I hope you enjoyed I hope you felt a little laugh don't take it too seriously because it's only a little bit of fun but he well taking any of its - seriously and you've been offended by it bollocks anyway so I don't care what political party the ever put in power in our country they will never ever stop the British people laughing they did get bloody close with a poll tax I leave you with a very sobering thought treat every day of your life like as if it's your last day on earth and one day you will be right you you

Channel: imamocah

Views: 2,371,996

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Id: 4G5ujp9jC1M

Length: 61min 21sec (3681 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 21 2015