Jeff Bezos Goes To Space

wait you want to do the jeff bezos thing i mean we got all of our cowboy hats all right that was a little point right hell yeah brother hell yeah brother jeff bezos in space billionaires in space now let's go and since we're on twitch k corner okay kona yeah that's the twitch emote for cowboys or okay conan i'm going to show you okay going to boy down the one side right now i'm just a good old boy worth 200 billion okay kona look i paid one percent in taxes last year who's who the [ __ ] is this guy it's kcona like he's a twitter look at that come on now okay coda come on down here now bring your suite and your lasso we're gonna have ourselves a rodeo i hope you ain't vaccinated because my friend me and my friends don't if we don't believe in vaccinations boy that bill gate got that microchip right down oh here's another k kona come on down here now k kona pick yourself one of them peach twisted iced teas come on down here now i heard jeff bezos has a few extra spots on his spaceship i'm going to space anyway jeff bezos is trying to act like a good old boy because he went to spa by the way let me say this people always say oh this is just a rich dude uh bitching about jeff bezos yes i'm rich i have i have what most people consider a lot of money jeff bezos would probably spit at me if you saw me on the street but here's the difference between jeff bezos i pay 50 of every [ __ ] dollar i earned to the goddamn government in the state of california for the betterment of society this motherfucker's worth 200 billion dollars and i wouldn't [ __ ] about him for a second if he paid 50 percent of his [ __ ] taxes like the rest of us hard-working americans we all pay taxes you know jeff bezos doesn't pay taxes period is this you know a [ __ ] you dude [Music] what is this move that's that's why i'm pissed at jeff and and people like him no that's borderline defamatory about jeff right now that was [ __ ] should i read that tweet maybe not yeah okay i'm not thinking of intention you know you want to impress me jeff pay 50 taxes and then go to space and then i'll [ __ ] clap for you you don't pay people living wages you don't let people unionize they literally have practices of hiring and firing people to prevent them from getting benefits this may not help our uh quest to get partnered by the way oh right we love jazz on amazon we love shout out to jeff and his family did i mention that i love jeff bezos until i get partnered he's the man he's he's made history in being i'm i'm still unclear on how he made history he made history by riding his own rocket ship to space yeah but they had to carve out like richard branson did that like a week ago it's his own it's his own right he's the first to write a dick to space like that's true that's true and he definitely wins the award for most phallic rocket ship i mean it's insane i mean they just went out there and scooted around for a few minutes they did that in the 50s i mean we're like 70 years behind the curve here i'm just not finding it that historic i'm sorry no it's not what what was the first they said they they carve out they have to carve out like crazy um like a specific specific billionaire in a ship he built apparently he went higher than branson but for less time anyway have you ever seen a morphalic object i mean this is like my this is like this my mom's dildo that we talked about do not oh no that's how i remember somebody said it was an all civilian crew yeah it's okay the rocket's supposed to be autonomous like and uh it's supposed to be reusable the first billionaire to ride a fully autonomous uh rocket that he paid for into space congratulations bezos your trailblazer ding-dong all right fair enough but can you believe the this rocket i mean it's literally giant dildo do not come i'm trying come on making it hard it runs off of hydrogen it runs off the blood of uh parish amazon workshop employees i'm gonna come the children that they've ritually sacrificed to moloch the horn god so listen yes i can [ __ ] about peop about billionaires there's a difference between a guy worth a few million bucks and someone worth 200 billion let's not split hairs here i'm on your team okay so when you pull the guillotines out don't [ __ ] put me up i pay my taxes damn it was this the first rich person to ride his own rocket on a weekday in summertime after 2020 and before 2022. is that a comment yeah that was a comment good good yeah good observation thank you let's see oh and one of the this is a great detail so who who was on the rocket his brother mark shout out mark definitely not nepotism 82 year old pioneer of space race congratulations uh waldy and then an 18 year old student oliver from the netherlands who got on the plane because someone bought a ticket for like 20 million something and then they go i have a scheduling issue i can't make it like that's some rich people [ __ ] right there excuse me that really happened yeah yes that's why that kid went up let me take a rain check wait give give me the details what yeah the guy bought a 20 million dollar ticket that was auctioned off and he said you know what i actually i have something going on that day swear to [ __ ] and then so they sent this kid from the netherlands did he like chicken out or something no he's just he's like [ __ ] i forgot that i forgot i was going to space the kid from the netherlands his father was an investor all comes back to the money get me the details on that was the father the guy who bought the ticket no oh give me the details on that okay i don't want to get it wrong come on come on come on um play a monopoly with miss kif why do people keep saying play monopoly with mizkev monopoly could be fun it's just boring here's jeff bezos thinking this this is pretty great i have to say even for him it sounds bad jeff go ahead go ahead give us your best yeehaw people who build the vehicle all of our manufacturers it's a big team i didn't realize he had such a goofy why is he wearing a [ __ ] cowboy hat i just want to see what's wrong with him i just want to thank all the people who built the vehicle people who build the vehicle all of our manufacturing people this is a big team they've been working on it for many years and they've done an extraordinary job of building the most reliable most beautiful uh most fun i mean i can vouch for that i'll get to that in a second vehicle um and we owe them a deep uh gratitude and the people who kept us safe today who operated the vehicle our trainers everybody it's just huge uh i also want to thank the town of van horn this is a small and amazing little town um and uh you know we're making a dent in it and we appreciate you uh for allowing us to be part of your town and uh and then i also i want to thank uh every amazon employee and every amazon customer cause you guys paid for all of this bro you're not supposed to say that i want to thank everybody because basically you paid for this from from the wages we should be paying you how's it going to thank amazon workers for paying for a spaceship that sounds [ __ ] yeah if you just said customers yeah that would have been fine i want to thank all of the employees in the amazon warehouse who [ __ ] in the back so they could pick faster let's oh here we go this is um did you guys know i was uh establishing my own space race the gatsby is now rocket propelled see that's a first that's a real first so that i'll be the first man to ride a mobility scooter into outer space to take that jeff bezos he goes oh so the yeah the guy who bid 28 million for ticket on the same flight dropped out due to scheduling conflicts he'll go up at a later trip so he's not actually yeah but like how do you [ __ ] do he's like i don't know how he's like oh it slipped my mind yeah oh i'm supposed to go to space that day it's crazy i say he chickened out well i was reading about the rocket because i was like jeffy's not going to risk his life they actually had this crazy safety feature baked in where if it detects something goes wrong it ejects the pod real fast and it can fall safely to the ground that is cool but that's um that's nothing new since the uh apollo missions they've had that oh really yeah so it's been a while since astronauts have died uh well one of the space shuttles blew up um in the mid 2000s remember um not challenger um colombia and this columbia blue died on board yeah did they have the space uh the bezos uh golden period the the eject system from what i understand only works during a certain window of time while they're launching they the um colombia i hope i'm saying i i think it was columbia uh blew up on re-entry and it was very like kind of it happened fast real fast yeah i was surprised that they said they could have that technology because it seems when when those things happen that it it's very fast but challenger also blew up but challenger blew up um in the 80s or something that was like 15 seconds right but then another space shuttle blew up yeah there's like a crazy shot not long ago 2003 there you go what the [ __ ] our chat is like a total cesspool right now yeah those are all getting automotive okay sorry guys i wish we had partner program so that we could do something about it but hopefully in the future yeah so seriously for every amazon customer out there and every amazon employee thank you from the bottom of my heart very much uh it's yeah i don't shop at amazon to send you to space because it's so painfully convenient i can't help it we built the [ __ ] poison that's ruining our society and i still use it because it tastes so sweet damn dude sound like uh train wreck well yeah listen i wish i didn't use amazon it's too [ __ ] good use it every day jeff bezos and the crew uh in space okay oh wow okay [Music] i was afraid the 18 year old was gonna kick the 82 year old in the face at some point yes that looks dangerous for up there it's cramped too it's like okay everybody with blue everybody doing spin though it's also kind of old to be going to space 82 years old oh yeah hurry play with the ball we only have nine minutes throw the ball around now folks it floats look it floats we're in space you know jeff's just doing this because he's so [ __ ] bored like he's so bored he has so much money he can't get excitement from anything other than going to space i don't know what he's going to do now i'm afraid for what comes next from jeff he's texting his ass he's like has your man been in space yeah exactly okay now here we go here we go a lot of fun up here in space checking out our youtube channel cardi b looking at space shape of rocket memes cardi b uh i don't know what this is oh my god what is that oh my god what is that what just that it looks like a penis yeah i think it based off the austin powers me here's another bezos name jeff bezos is not doing himself any favors with the dr evil laugh motivates you because he had grander space ambitions than going to the edge of it did this moment motivate you to push deeper into the cosmos hell yes i know there's other civilizations out there that we could conquer there's other civilizations out there just waiting to be conquered they need amazon prime too [Laughter] because you have grander space ambitions than going to the edge of it did this moment motivate you to push deeper into the cosmos hell yes oh we should sound bite that that's so good all right we need amazon prime out there on mars um and finally well that's it that's all i've got on jeffrey bezos i love space but i just can't get excited for him because he's such a douche i mean like how can you just it's just so evil to be that rich 200 billion man just pay taxes i got a bigger problem with the cowboy hat like the cowboy hat well he why because he's trying to be like an every man like that [ __ ] doesn't wear cowboy no exactly like when are you how do you wake up in the morning and just just like i'm gonna be a cowboy hat guy now i think he had probably like tons of pr and stuff and everyone was like crunching the numbers the cowboy hat we've all come to the conclusion that you need to wear a cowboy to appeal to the people [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: H3 Podcast Highlights

Views: 81,978

Rating: 4.845129 out of 5

Keywords: h3 podcast, podcast, h3h3, h3h3productions, ethan klein, ethan and hila, space, bezos, million, billionair, rich, amazon, rocket, funny, picture, video, looks like, weird

Id: 0H7pwxpKogQ

Length: 15min 8sec (908 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 22 2021