Jeezy | Angie Martinez IRL

[Music] Andrew Martinez in Real Life podcast this episode and conversation is powered by deay what's the intro uh adversity for sale it isers for sale I'm so happy you're here yes I'm so happy you telling I'm happy to be here telling your business a little bit the business now that you put it like that n you got you got a story to tell and you got a story learned from most importantly I mean you know this book was it was very therapeutic you know what I'm saying it was like a lot of face and some reality a lot of faces some Dark Places I hadn't been in a while because I had put all that stuff behind me at least I thought but I started to see a lot of things come out of my adult life that I'm just like where is this coming from and now that I have the tools I'm like oh this is trauma oh this is anxiety oh this is this and I'm like this is why right when you read this you feel like there's certain people that uh it's almost like it's ordained it's like you were supposed to survive right you were supposed to survive all this stuff because the odds when you look at the stories from the beginning the odds were not the odds are against you and and what was a realization of that was everything that I got into even the stuff I talked to about in the book it wasn't like it was me getting out of it you know what I'm saying it was just like always like God put somebody in my life or put me in a place that I was supposed to be to talk to someone or just to put me on the path to get some type of insight and it just always worked out no matter how hard it was not to say that I didn't go through anything yeah but he always when it was it was so dark he always brought some type of light why do you think I think this is my purpose I think everything that I went through is for me to be who I am somebody who P like success is you you know you doing it for you significance is doing it for others you know what I'm saying I I feel like that's that's why I'm here because you don't escape the things that I escape just for you you know what I'm saying it's for other people it's for did you always know that or you only know that as grown Jeezy I know that grown Jeezy yeah I I thought I was lucky as hell as Jeezy Jeezy young how did I get out of that like you know and it was a lot of those situations and it was like the last time I got locked up in La when that shooting happened on a Whiz Khalifa tour that's what really threw me because I didn't do anything wrong you know what I'm saying but I went through everything that somebody was guilty did you know what I'm saying like I went through the jail the court cases the the beefing with the city the the the the uh the civil suits and the you know it was the whole thing and I'm just like what in the hell you're actually like this I actually don't deserve I told my lawyer I was like I didn't do nothing this time I promise you he was just like I don't know you know and um but it only Made Me Stronger because the first day we got locked up you know the team was down there to get me out within the hour right 10 people a million dollars in bail a piece that's $10 million right at the time I didn't own any property in California so that's pretty much a cash Bond right and I told my guy I said yo listen I'm going to sit in here you know cuz I don't want to tell nobody how I get my money I'm going to sit in here and let me figure out how to get this to you guys so we can get everybody out and that was like one of my first like unselfish moments you see what I'm saying and that's what I learned out how long ago is that how many years about five six years yeah so you already grown grown you already like I I me you know you're in transition at that time probably right I was on my waym I think after that I had no choice mhm cuz I just had my my oldest daughter she was a baby I'm calling home from jail it was like the most embarrassing thing in the world like it really was like you are you like her hero she you yeah she told me that you know when she was one like you know one two she like Daddy you're my hero you know she still thinks that way but what I'm saying is just like when is it going to stop M even though you didn't do anything wrong like when is it going to stop like and I took everybody on to you feel like that was karma from maybe stuff that you didn't get 1000% I tell anybody Karma's real and I I went through my I went through my share of karma like I I it was some times it was let I want to take you up to that point but let's go back to the beginning because we got to get started there's so much oh God JC there so much and there's such good stuff in the book let's go to Young let's start Young Jeezy young baby Young Jeezy okay just make sure the statute of limitations is out of it's fine no but I just you tell a lot of stories about you know backstory about your family and how that kind of shaped you and and your problems with your dad and all them feelings but I didn't really um I had heard it but I don't know what in processed that you spent this time in Japan yeah in Japan and I lived in Hawaii I want to say about five six that's not a small thing no but but this is the thing so my mother and dad married my dad was in the service he took us all overseas I would come back every now and then to my grandmother's house which was the hood right but it's okay when you come back when they got divorce I actually had to go back and live yeah so now this is like before it's like oh yeah like oh yeah it's like okay this is real and you know and without the protection of your father yeah because he went he had to go back he he took us there and he had to go back and you know be a marine and and I know that was hard for him but I took a lot of I had a lot of resentment there and then the fact that my mom I look like my dad like so my mom took a lot of that out on me which then made me go to the streets cuz now I'm looking for love you know what I'm saying andong and now I I hear that a lot about boys who were raised by single mothers who look like their fathers I think it's a more common thing than we oh yeah I was where the mother just sees the father yeah and it was just like and my sister was you know you know I love my sister but she was like the angel you know what I'm saying she do no wrong yeah no she can do no wrong with me oh my God everything's wrong and the streets did you know that as a kid though did you know like oh she's she's looking at me like I'm I'm my father I could tell I could tell by her work her AC and and you know before my mother passed you know I I just did a lot of time just forgiving her because she was a baby trying to raise a baby right and and and she was trying to figure life out too and if you really think about our parents are really just grown kids yeah you know what I'm saying they're not they're not perfect just because they're your parents so and they had less access to um like uh the verbiage the mental health health care the um just the self-awareness they it was also addictions I know your mom was dealing with alcohol and drugs and drugs yeah so so um all that was going on and and you know she was trying to best to raise but we kept bumping heads and you know we came to head one day you know she pulled a gun on me cuz we got in this big argument I I went to live with my grandmother after that mhm but um but what does that do to you how old are you maybe 12 13 okay so a 12-y old kid I'm thinking about like my Gods son who were 12 right your mother right well I mean I didn't but I didn't look at it different though cuz I mean I didn't look at it like it was like the end of the world I just felt like I just had to fight with my mom like I'm gone cuz I wanted to leave anyway you know what I'm saying so now with my grandmother it didn't the the gun part of it does it no because by that time I was I was your guns were a common part of life common and then also just like our our toxic Behavior was was common you know what I'm saying like it was just toxic you know what I'm saying it was like you would thought we was married you know what I'm saying it's like just like all the time and we just couldn't get it together and I think I remember the old doc you did with Death Jam you talking about that and she said that you had told her if you um if you pull that gun out you got to use you better use it yeah and I when I think about that for a 12-year-old and you as a father now I just when you think about what that would do to a 12y old boy but I'm going to tell you and and you know and I'm just being honest with you I had that happen in my life I don't want to get into the details but you know with my first born it we we got to that point so I can see cuz when your child doesn't want to you know abide by anything you're saying then it's like what do you do I mean of course we're in a better place now thank God yeah but it was like it was a point like he was a grown man I'm just like man like you know you got you got to respect something he's like no I don't got you know because he's going through the same thing that I went through with my dad like I'm out here trying to um take care of everybody but then you know and TD J said his best you know when when you when you you out here you providing you're going to lose on that side with your kids cuz as a black man you got to get out here and do you got to go above and beyond to take care of your people right so that cuts into your time where you actually being there as a father for your kids cuz you're the provider you got to go out here and figure it out and for me with him it was kind of a little tricky because you know I'm providing but my lifestyle was like it's not what you want your kid to see right you what I'm saying so I'm trying to tell him he like man you you know you know I'm on the news I'm get he was he told me like when I got locked up that time when that thing happened in La even though I didn't do nothing he's like I'm disappointed wow you know what I'm saying like that that that cut deep you know that cut and then also you were this was before probably your transition working on yourself and all that you you know you're Jeezy you got you're you got you got a mob of people who who look up to you easy and your son and you can't from an ego perspective not being able to have your son in check I guess yeah and that too but like you know he he was in the projects with me my son was born in the projects you know what I'm saying he came in the projects and and so he's seen that life like he he he wasn't he wasn't a trust fund kid at least then he wasn't so he he knows he had his traumas and two things that I W wern't even aware of yeah cuz when he was leaving with his mom I don't know what he was going through and what was going on there and and it just like you know I had to kind of like sit back and and and really take a look at myself and and put myself in his shoes and be like how how does he feel what's going on with him yeah like what is he dealing with you know but the same way you talk about your kids your parents being kids big kids trying to figure out you kind of you was a kid yeah I was a kid you know for a long time that I shouldn't have been if I'm going be honest because I didn't know any better and there wasn't anything around me to tell me different again when you have a level of success you think you know everything in the world I love that you share that because you know how many people even when I think about your music and how I know how your music affects me right I was thinking about that today on the way here cuz I put I was put I put a gzy playlist in and I'll be on a golf course on purpose it feels good to be you know what I'm saying like it feels good to be in an environment where you're not really supposed to be doing it doing it your music makes you feel rebellious and it makes you feel like uh you know it's what we love about your like um I can only imagine somebody who's actually living a life that you was talking about especially in the early records how it how it feels to them right so you so you have this thing where people resonate to your words so much that when the adult you shares a story about how you have progressed as a a parent or what you learned about being a son of some dysfunction right do you feel it impacting people the way like maybe some of your verses or some of your songs that's a long way to ask the question but it's just I'm talking about like how you how people respond to you and how I think in real life like outside of rap outside of Music um and that's what's been interesting about the book it's just like the people that's been coming to the signings of the regular people who just want to do better in life yeah and especially now that we grown right right and I think for me like being able to have these conversations and be trans man I'm I'm hoping that it brings us closer together you feel what I'm saying because a lot of people just knew my work they didn't know me you know I had this wall up and that was to keep people out but it also kept me in so as I'm being open and transparent because I learned that about relationships like I had a lot of great friend like I knew LeBron a them before everybody did you know what I'm saying but it's like how you LeBron going to be cool with a street guy who says three words when we hanging out you know what I'm saying so it's like and it's time went on I'm just like you know I'm supposed to be building relationships with people but they don't know me because I'm so I was so guarded because that served me in the streets and when I figured out in real life that that doesn't serve me anymore then that's when the shift happened and and before then I was living for survival right but when you start living for love and I mean like love like in general it's just a different feeling like you want real good people close to you they going to let you know when you're going too far they going let they going they going to be there for you when you celebrating your highest moments they going to be there for you when you at your lowest moments right and and and what you have can add value to their life and what they have can add value to yours because there been a lot of times where I just been in situations and somebody like yo I'm doing this you should be a part of it and I'm just like why would you do that for me you know what I'm saying cuz I come from a world where people don't nobody does nothing anybody you know what I'm saying if they do you got be like you feel me so I do feel you yeah so it's like I'm coming from that but then now I'm starting to see that there's actually good people in the world you have people you know in the building Dev Jam you know what I'm saying that always have your back you know what I'm saying not everybody you know shout out to a sha shout out to natina they love you they love me you know p and those guys changed my life you know cuz it was it was either you was going to be a superstar or you was going to prison yeah I I always saw that cuz I was around them days too so i s used to see how they moved you moved around you when you were in the when when you were present or not even to this day even Tina the way they talk about you and hold you up even when you're not in the room it says a lot about how they feel about you yeah and and it even some of the experiences like even going to I remember I went to go to Harlem to do something and Peta had me on and Washington Heights and all and I'm just like they was loving me I'm just like oh wow you know got your Spanish Brothers here we would lay anything I like no we don't need to lay nobody down I just want to chill you know get but but but love you know what I'm saying aren't you used to that because even I don't I don't remember what part of the book it was but you talk about how people like uh used to ride for you like you had like 14 15 neighborhoods that people would uh you know I'm talking about early you in the beginning when people started really that would do pretty much do anything for you you doing anything for somebody who doesn't know what they need to be doing that's not real I love them still to this day but I was leading them wrong the only thing they could offer me at the time was you know something that was going to protection or well just something that was going to put us all in the in the bind and that's the thing like you know you could say protection but no because if it ever went down I was on the front line with them you know what I'm saying they going to never say that but the love that they were offering me uh that they was giving me was genuine love I know they love me because I love them but it's almost like being a uh somebody who's going to the draft and and and your first round draft pick you might love everybody that you went to school with everybody from your neighborhood but you're not going to be able to take them on the football field with you on the team bus and all these different things so it's just like you know and I I can't I want to speak out of term but it's just like I feel for johnar I feel for him right because he's in his mind it makes sense right but in the world it doesn't make sense and I can I've been there you know thousands of times so I I I um I have empathy for him you know what I'm saying because he he he's only doing what he thinks is right right but there's a different set of rules and even for myself I only done what I thought was right cuz it was a different set of rules thank God you know what I'm saying I didn't have to pay the ultimate price right but you always had a vision for yourself I feel like you even say that you had you I've heard you say you um you saw yourself like as an adult man with the family Rose I say Ro PL Jane okay right Jane watch Plain Jane suited good skin where did that Vision come from as a child cuz nothing in your life should tell you that that was going to be your life that's what it looks like that's what success looked like to me mhm you know what I'm saying and it's crazy because I told my Uncle the other day him and his wife I told him it was over at the house I was like you know I want to give you all y flowers cuz they probably been married like 40 years I was like y'all the first family that I ever saw that was dysfunctional you guys were a real family you raised your kids right and everything and I striv for that you know what I'm saying meaning like that the peace of mind they had cuz there was the only people in the family that really had their stuff together they had a cool house family one need one you just need something to hold on to was a good guy wasn't no you know this is your uncle yeah my uncle also I gave him his props I was just like man you know and and to me you know it was a lot of different things like I talk about Uncle well not Uncle Russell but Russ musle in the uh in my grandmother's neighborhood the guy to own the shop that I stole the radio from yeah that was terrible why you do that to that man I mean I wanted the radio I didn't have a car but I wanted the car radio this is the first thing he ever stole yeah yeah was a radio and the first thing I got away with wasn't the last you know cuz where's the radio now who knows it's all bad but he was the first entrepreneur I ever met so he inspired you and you stole yeah because he own like yeah he did and and but I what I learned from that is um you don't you don't take from people because I know I asked him for wonder I wonder what oh you said if you would have asked him he would have gave it to you but I wonder when I read that and I heard you know you you talk a lot about your early you stealing and all of that as young jezy young young young young jezy L Jay L Jay that's little Jay um was the I don't know it took me to like I remember being a kid and my mother my mother was a single mother little tiny apartment we up town I found uh $20 in her Co pocket and I was so excited cuz I thought I'm going to go to school school I'm going have 20 you know $20 worth of weeks worth of snacks in in you know what I'm saying elementary school so I took the $20 and then I was in the apartment and I heard my mother on the phone with her sister crying cuz it was her last $20 and she couldn't find it and she wrecking the whole apartment upside down was her last $20 it was for groceries it was all she and I remember being a little kid sitting there like I ain't right I didn't have the courage to tell my mother or to give it back cuz I didn't want to own it I too young but it St the guilt even though I didn't really know it was guilt then cuz I was a little kid but the guilt was enough for me to to be mindful enough like that wasn't cool yeah cuz I had this instance where I was wondering if that happened to you at any point it happened well a few times but it happened one time when I was younger I was like my my older cousin they were Hustlers like so they was like the guys in the family that had all the money and I used to go to the their my auntie's house which is their mother and I used to like you know like sneak a little money out the bag cuz cuz they would have bags of money all around the house and I never forget one day um they had put a bag in the baby crib and this time I was going to take the whole bag right so I get the bag and uh I go hide it downstairs under the sofa so I'm waiting for my other Auntie to take us back home and my cousin came in he was like yo where that bag that was at and they start all looking for the bag and you sitting there sitting on the bag but I didn't know the bag had a beeper in it and they he said well just page it had my page in it page the bag is sitting under me you know what I'm saying I'm just like damn how old are you I mean I'm like 14 you the yeah like you just you know it's all bad now what happened I mean of course they went in but you know I tried to play it off like I didn't know what it was but I started to learn then like you were embarrassed yeah very M very and and and I started to learn then like is I don't think it's a good idea to steal you know what I'm saying maybe this is black get it on your own but don't don't steal and and that just taught me a lot of lessons and it's like my grandma used to tell me like she she don't she she cool with anything in this world except two things a liar and a thief and and I I understand why you know you were so close with her yeah you talk about that a lot I love my grandmother my grandmother raised me like she gave me Faith made me go to church I I think right now if I was if if my grandmother wasn't in my life I don't I don't know why I would be as a man cuz I wouldn't have wouldn't have any faith right I wouldn't have any morals oh so you credit that with like sa oh yeah for sure my my my mother and father never talked to me about God what I believe or what did she tell you I mean she made me go to church every Sunday that's people go to church and it doesn't hit them for some reason well every you know the old school everything you credit to God like oh thank you Lord she my grandma ran numbers so I don't know you know if that is like the lottery in the hood are you kidding me yeah when she hit the numers my great grandfather R numbers like thank you Lord I'm like okay I don't know if he got anything to do with that but I right but she just instilled that in me and it's just like that's funny when I got to my darkest moments that's all I could do is pray MH you know what I'm saying cuz it was nobody else there with you that was going to walk through this with you and I felt like you know it's just like you got you got to talk to God and and that came from my grandmother and I'm just so glad like when I say glad I mean I than Matt L picket for everything because she made me who I was and this the craziest thing like she never got a chance to see nothing I did cuz she's always tell me boy you going to get killed you going to go to jail but everything I did that was supposed to be wrong was the same Foundation that I stood on to become the man I am today and she never saw any of it you know and she had so much to do with it yeah she never saw anything so when she passed all she knows that her grandson was in the streets trying to figure got his life and I remember you know I knew that then too like that's how I know that something was wrong because when she passed like I didn't shed a tear you know what I'm saying I I was sad but I was just like not a single tear no because I'm like I got to go out here and be a man now like I ain't got no support system I ain't got no I ain't got nobody you know what I'm saying like you can't call you know I to call my grandma getting gangster I be like gr you know what I'm saying she I had a few SHO on her front por toss in the strap ran out the back door like shut up 1,000% 1,000% that's why you loved her so much but she let me she gave me a free rain like she let me like live like like I used to come in you know I'm 15 16 years old coming in 3 4:00 in the morning like her her door was her front door was always open mhm like no matter what that's why I say when I say hit the kitchen lights cockroaches everywhere that's what it was I come in she might leave some food on the stove on the microwave you come there you knock the roaches off of everything you put the thing and heat it up might still be some roaches in the microwave right get it you sit down and you eat my uncle comes stumbling in the house you know 3 4:00 in the morning he lit I love when you talk about your grandmother um love her I love her to death yeah yeah and I got her I got her on my arm you have dealt uh with a lot of grief well I don't know if you've dealt with it but you've experienced a lot of loss yes um people not just people you know but like you're the closest to you your grandmother close friends mother mother Y how do you deal with that how how do you process grief and I'm sure now differently maybe than you did back then I'm going keep it a bu I haven't figured that part out yet I'm going to be honest like I'm I'm trying to learn about it every day I'm not there yet really yeah none of it I just don't I don't understand how to process it like and and I'm and that's being all the way honest so does it still trigger you like do you still when I read the audio um version of the book for the book for the audible mhm it it it caught me a few times MH you know Shakir my mother which is why I don't really get into my mother part in the book a lot cuz I just feel like that's something I need to keep close to me until I figur it out um but just even just a lot of the homies like you know like and just a lot of friends you know what I'm saying like I'm still trying to figure that part out do you not feel it are you turned off it's like the false it off or something or do you feel it and just don't do anything about it just like just young after you lose so much you just just you're numb you don't it it don't even process the same right you you know what it is and you understand it but you don't allow yourself to to feel it right because are you afraid to feel it is that what it is probably so yeah probably so because you know I've been good at like I'm one of them people like I'm good at like uh sweeping things to the side to put them in the back of your mind saying yeah we think we are but it shows up put this way I've done it great up until now yeah and as I was writing the book A lot of those things came back you know what I'm saying and it's just like okay what are you going to do about this and why are you and and it just been one of those learning experiences where you just sit back and you just like damn you know like this is a real thing like and what served me in this life doesn't deserve me in my life now you know what I'm saying meaning like it was good then because it kept me safe right it kept me solid you know you can function through year it matters M you know what I'm saying these are people these are people you love these are people you care about and it's like you can't put them over cuz I had to realize that even with my past it's like I can't fault these people in my life that love me you know for what somebody else did to me in my past right and handle them the same way because this is what I know right you know how you like you kind of like it's almost like being in a bad relationship but you just treat everybody the same you know like like it's it's like you know a lot of things happen where I was just being like I was I was just like unbelievable you know he like how can you do that to me you know what I'm saying as solid as I was to you and it just like I had a lot of that and on this side you know I'm getting better at chipping out way to just you know take that in how you doing you therapy talking reading working on yourself reading um um you know talking to people I love talking to people I respect you know what I'm saying just educating yourself on it because it's real and I and I feel like you know even with musically I I feel like I I haven't even touched the iceberg with they at you know what I'm saying because just imagine a dam um that's that's that's holding all the water and you finally break it are you going to let it break at some point in your life yeah I would hope so you want to yeah the same way you talk about you can't leave the Earth without you can't leave the Earth with any of that but that's but that's what I'm working on chipping away you know what I'm saying I'm chipping at it every day every day I'm chipping at it every day I'm knocking the piece off the wall because to me it's just like you start to see the light on the other side it just gets brighter and brighter and you just like oh you know let me just keep at this and keep chipping away like I do my best to kind of because I'm so glad that I have the tools now cuz I didn't have the tools before right and I could check myself I'm very self-aware if I feel myself you know getting too far on this side I know how to be like okay let's just said I mean I'mma keep it a buck like I ain't got no shame my I I'll show you right now I walk around right now on my phone if you get my phone right now was a picture of me when I was five run on the phone cuz I talk to that guy all the time like you good what you say to him I mean you know he be good sometimes sometime he be tripping you know what I'm saying he still in there oh yeah you got to do your work on your inner child because I you know when you was young I went through so much you know craziness you know what I'm saying that you can't allow that guy to seep into your adult life you know mean you got to parent him you know what I'm saying because he he he'll have you out here doing some you know what I'm saying people like you know Mary talks about that a lot Mary always talking about what she tells little Mary people think that's a joke but it's it's it's real yeah yeah you got to parent them because you know they you you react when you get in situation you react to those situations how you how you react the same way you did when you first felt that trauma yeah so if you was five you going to react like he was five if you 13 you going to react like you're 13 if you're 22 you going to react like you 22 it doesn't matter yeah it's it's beyond your control you know you have to parent your inner child so that you're able to say hey look you know I know what you want to do but we we're not going to do that like we going to sit down and think about this we're going to breathe a little bit you know what I'm saying we going to educate ourselves we going to chill you know say yeah you know me it should be times boy he be like they wouldn't let me in the radio station I know I'm clear I've SE I've seen it it's amazing to but you know what when we think about our artists and the people that we hold up high as like you know the pillars in the community that we love for even if the it was for just toxic reasons we loved you you know what I'm saying so when when we could take the pillars and we and we can see you evolve it's really a gift it's but it's crazy because even going back to where Mar with Mary like you said it's just like it's sad that like I can't say sad but because it's art but it's almost like people want to marry breakup album I know they don't want her to be happy I hate that as her friend that it pisses me off any time I hear somebody say but people want a Jeezy you know toxic Street um just like you know I'm like man I'm working on myself man I'm trying to you know what I'm saying I'm trying to be a better me and it's like like we don't want that we do want it we do want it but it's it's it's like you know that's a thin line you walk well because people are suffering so they're still in the there's a lot of people still going through some of the things that you've kind of already worked through so they looking for that thing to connect to but but that's why I want to connect to them in a different way so it's almost like you have this I mean somebody gave me think can grow Rich it changed my life you know what I'm saying like you know I've read that book several times but it's just like you know that was a gift that somebody gave me and I'm just sitting here like there's a lot of knowledge in this book right and then the applies to me I know the guy who wrote it don't know me but still right and I look at it the same way but it's like it's the gift and the curse you know when you when you on your downward spiral and you just doing things out of spite and you wilding out of control you on top of the world you selling millions of Records you on tour but is that on top of the world what's on top of the world for you like when are you your happiest when am I my happiest when when when I'm serving people like when I'm like even like doing shows that's like my like my pull pit it's like my it's like my sermon this is my church this is where and I love it like I I love to connect with people I love to see them Rejoice I love to see them react and it's just like that's that's me you know I'm no TD J but this is my my thing like this is my church for the day is that what you cuz I wonder like you say still in it like you still you still revert back to old things sometimes what is the thing you tell yourself when you're um you know what is the motivation right now this in 2023 like what is the motivation the motivation would be for me you know is is is to continue evolving so that I can continue to pour in to the culture because just like you know it's me and you talking cuz we talk on that level like you know I'm I'm I'm up early I'm I'm up 4:35 every morning I'm reading I'm podcast I'm morning I'm journaling I'm doing all I mean people might I mean it don't matter but they say it's the that's the way to be the most productive in it that's how you manifest things that's how you win the day they say that's how you bring things to to real life and I'm I'm I'm up like I'm up getting it in and I'm learning and I'm educating myself and I'm researching things and I'm going you know I'm doing all these things before people even get up to when you see me during the day you know I'm on 10 I don't meditate everything I know it sounds crazy it doesn't but it's just like that's are you meditating every day 1,00% every day this morning how many how long well I only had 30 minutes this morning cuz I had to go do that's 30 minutes is solid meditation but it's the bet I mean it break it Chang you yeah because now you know I can control my anger I can control you know my frustrations I got a lot of clarity when I do things now I'm not just doing things because I just feel like it you wake up at 5 a and you meditate every day every day wow meditate I'm reading book I'm doing something productive yeah journaling um and it's crazy because I got friends you know that I talk to and they'll call me what you doing the morning I tell them you know not most of them are doing that and I'm watching their lives take off and they like yo this is crazy you know what I'm saying yeah you're inspiring me cuz I one of the things I know I need to do for myself well number one I don't meditate enough I try sometimes I don't do it enough golf in a weird way has become like a little bit of I go by myself and it becomes like walking kind of meditation go by myself but but because it comes a thing it's like a meditation for me but and I know I need to get up earlier I know that's a thing changes the day right no it changes it changes your life you know what I'm saying break it down a little bit because you get up early right you you got time to do everything that you need to do before you even come into contact with people so you do all the things are you not on your phone in the morning no I don't touch my phone the first three hours I'm up you know what I'm saying the most if I got something going on I give it an hour at the least but at the most like 3 hours like that's my time you so disciplined yeah because that's the only thing is going to keep me going because I have to take that time to you know to to learn to to journal to figure things out right so you imagine doing that year round right so before I was just getting up when I just needed to get up and go do what I had to do which I was productive but now I'm like aund times more productive right and I'm a 100 times more keen to what's going on I'm actually learning things you know throughout the day you on your Guru right now oh no it's crazy I respect it I love it it's crazy and I'll reach out to some of these people yeah like I I'll reach out to you know in my in my mentor list is like crazy it's not what you think like John Maxwell TD Jake Robert Green Lis how this one that way he just go Robert Green just hopped in my DMs the other day you got to rock with him that's my man I know it yeah I don't know him personally obvious another book um we he was telling you got another book coming out yeah he has the anniversary coming up Robert go out me and Robert go out when I'm in La we go out to the uh men's health club downtown sit and have tea who are you I'm telling you who are you we sit and have tea and maybe lunch and I just asked him questions brilliant brilliant he's like it's crazy the way he understands people I want to meet him can I have tea with you when I'm in town abely play golf and have tea but but and I'm not even trying to be funny it's just like when you sitting around people like that that just you got to think he wrote the 48 Laws of Power the all seduction he understands so you can ask him questions I'm going to book him on the Pod I need him on the Pod oh no he's dope yeah yeah for sure he's dope he's dope he's dope but all those guys are John Maxwell yeah you know next level Steve Harvey for sure you know you talk about dealing with um you have this thick skin yes of course and there all the things that discipline and all those things but you did go through periods where you went deal with anxiety and paranoia even depression at some points and um I don't know how bad did that get for you and then how did how did you get to the other side of that rock bottom but what does that what did that look like how did that show up like when you say paranoid what is that or I mean I was what it was was I was having a bunch of nightmares um about you know just getting caught up in what was going on even after the fact um I'll talk about in the book as well and it the nightmares just got bad you know what I'm saying and it was just it was just bad and again like I went to my vices you know and I was which was what drinking drinking but I was like I wasn't like just drinking I was like drinking just the numb self Soo smoking a lot too I don't know why I did that cuz I have you in your head so that that wasn't good um the anxiety again like I thought something was wrong with me I didn't know what I was experiencing because I hadn't heard the word yet right and what was happening like how was it showing up I mean just it's almost like you can feel the like when you get in certain situations like you feel the the toxins in your blood like you just feel it like you just you just feel it's very hard to explain yeah you feel like you're on fire you can't really breathe you can't function you can't think you know what I'm saying it feels like the walls are closing in I ask you that cuz I've had that feeling and I and I I didn't have anxiety my whole life or at least I didn't think I did then after the accident it was like a year where I would be and I would be in say I would it would happen in the most random place I was at P's house one time his daughter's birthday party and I was like I have to leave yeah and I didn't know what was happening to me but I just felt a so tight and I and I in that moment even though I was going through it and I knew I had to get out of it and I know it was just left over from accident and loss and sadness and all that but I was like oh this is the people be talking about yeah it's real and it's so hard to explain the feeling of it but it could make you feel like you're about to die or crazy yeah or like and I I had to learn I had to research and learn about it cuz you know I was I not go to doctor's Jeezy I was like at first you know until I learned learned about it but then when I just started learn about breathing and stuff that was like a game changer for me you know to being able to control your breathing and slow yourself down and just like get to a place where you uh mobilize and you know that took a lot cuz I was like you I'll be sitting somewhere I just get up and go people like where you went I'm up out of there you know what I'm saying why what were you feeling I mean just like I had to leave no matter what it's just and if I didn't like it was crazy cuz like sometimes it would get so crazy like I might black out you know what I'm saying cuz it had got that bad you know what I'm saying and um I didn't want to black out around anybody um but the other thing was like pass out yeah wow and then depression like you know probably up until like from 04 till about 08 yeah that was real that was you imagine waking up every day feeling like you know what I'm saying I don't even want to be here like I don't like every day and I didn't snap out of it until I started writing the recession I I just when I snapped out of it mhm and it was like um it was crazy cuz I was like going through the situation I was breaking up with somebody it was just like every I like oh I'm going to get my body together I'm going go ahead and write this record everything just happened at one time and I just came to my grips I was like yo bro you a superstar you got a career you got a focus you got to get back so everything that I learned from the streets actually I still backing myself my discipline and everything and that's when I started to learn about what Depression was right cuz I didn't know what it was in I just thought that I was just dealing with being a black man trying to figure out life don't know if you're going to jail or not you don't know if you're going to be alive or not like that's what you're thinking it is but it's like all those things uh compiled on you know just where you at and how you taking care of yourself right and then what are your surroundings because I wasn't around like positive people you know what I'm saying like when nobody around me trying to uplift me nobody call nobody call to check on me you all right you straight you know and I learned that when Shakir is just like you got to take on your strong friends too shees you got to take on your strong friends you just never know what somebody going through Shakir obviously you talk about him a lot and um and I have I knew Shakir but not as well as some very close people to me so I was around people who were grieving so bad oh you know Margo's family and petas and you I just knew a lot of people that were very close to him and I remember when the news came and everybody was so shocked cuz he didn't seem like somebody who would take his own life right um and for for you somebody he changed your life right yes and I never forget I got the call I was going to Florida to do a show and I was on the tour bus and my man called me he was like yo he was like what's he said you good I was like yeah I'm straight what's going on he's like man I just want to tell you man shake a here no more I was like what you mean he's not here you know he's just like he's not here and I kind of sat down on the bus I said okay I'm about to walk out and perform from the 30,000 people he said he's not here man he killed herself and I'm just like it it didn't and and uh what's her name's wife called me uh Elliot Wilson cuz there was friends from the bay and she said Is it true and I was just like I can't yeah and that was the last call and I just remember I went I did the show which is probably like the man like I can't even even I wasn't even in my right mind and I remember going back to my my house and I literally laid in the bed for two weeks like going through every thought of why I didn't see what I didn't see the signs you know what I'm saying I'm just like why why didn't I like what what and then why didn't he talk to me cuz we talked about everything else you know what I'm saying I just didn't understand it and and and man it was just like did that trigger the Depression was that around the time I mean it only added on to it you know what I'm saying around that time one of my other homies had um that was young with us we I I end up dropping him off in the Federal Penitentiary when he got his time he had got out he become a Muslim he was trying to get his life together around that same time he got killed and then it was just like a domino effector he just like you know back to back to back to back and I was just like I just need a break like I just need a breather you know what I'm saying like and it was just like but the shake thing like I don't know man because you talking about somebody who had so much energy and was so just love and just so charismatic and so funny and it's just like where do you put it now like after working on yourself a bit and thinking about it so much I haven't dealt with that iont I ain't dealt with that like I I don't even know how mhm you know but you felt it you felt the pain of it I don't know what I felt M if I'm honest like I can't I can't lie I don't I don't I don't know mhm you know like I'm just it was just you know it's just like it was you know it was like one of those things you want to wake up from and you just like I don't think I think it's real you know and it's crazy too and I'm not just I I definitely want to bring it down to beat but it be sometimes I might be going through my phone looking for somebody number and pull up a number and I'm just like d it's somebody who ain't here somebody who's gone he's just like sh and you don't want to race a number right and and and it just you know and that's why I always give Shake executive credit on anything I do musically because you know shake was the one that convinced LA and Kevin L to sign me he really saved my life if he didn't sign if I ain't if if de Jam inside me the time sign me I've been in prison there's no doubt about it m or Worse yeah like so he really saved my life single hand mhm he did that it's interesting cuz you we always talk about to talk on your strong friends and he's a wonderful I think of Chris ladyy I think of so many people that you think how why and it really to me it's one of the reasons I I do this pod it's probably one of the reasons you write the book is is that we don't have and we weren't raised with the outlets to be able to be like yo I'm I'm in trouble I express yourself yes especially a black man in this in this space you're a rapper you're you from the street you got to be hard like when are you out here being vulnerable like yo I'm hurting when do you say that you don't yeah well that's doesn't that doesn't end well we we've learned that no yeah but it's just like you know the people want a superhero you still feel like that do you feel like you got to be a superhero still or is that is that armor coming down take care of my people MH I don't I don't I don't like again like vulnerability to me now is is power it brings people closer like you know you and by the way I want to own me before they do you know my flaws you know what I'm saying cool yeah you know what I'm saying what you gonna say next but it's different now because it's like it's coming from a place of like wanting to help rather than me just saying what I'm going through and the thing about it is when you coming from my generation which was a different generation is that much harder so imagine being the lone guy that made it like the single person that made it imagine that pressure imagine those close calls without that type of support and you're trying to navigate this you know so when you see me telling my story or being vulnerable in this place it's like I don't give the money is already made I'm not tripping like we we we good you know what I'm saying but it's like how can I pour back into my people like how can I give back what I took away like how can I be you know well you're doing that right now but what what do you what is the one thing like when it's all over and and the book the real book the end of the book is there what is the thing that if if you could have did one thing to change people's lives what is the one lesson the one thing live full die empty it's like I gave everything I had and and my kids my family and my supporters everybody know that I was an honorable man like I was I I was I was the one like I came and I did what was supposed to be done for for us like I didn't I didn't do it for me like I'm not doing this for personal game I had a great life before this mhm you know what I'm saying like I had jury calls all the that people really you were so motivated by Money Young G like when young was fo yeah but but was fo but let me tell you why I was motivated by money cuz I thought the money was going to be the answer to all my problems M oh no problems was just starting oh my God what big Say More Money More Problems he was not playing mhm um but but it's not Money Motivated it's more so like you know how can I add value like how can I help that really matters to me like you know how many friends out them sat down that was getting real money they didn't know nothing about real estate where I put them in the game you know and they call me and be like you go through my phone right now man I so love you for showing me about generational wealth man I so man this book you gave me was oh man not my book either like if I'm reading a good book I'mma give it to my homies like check this out cuz I know they on that path right yeah so it just like I just want to you know I just want to inspire I just want to help I just want to be there because be honest with you nobody would there for me if I'm keep it a buck I had bum my head but it's a miracle that you yeah yeah one thing about it and and and I'm not I'm not uh doing any complaining you know what I'm saying I'm not you got a good life yeah I'm not I'm not mad I got I got you got the you got the you got the suits you got the marriage you got the kid got a few nice suits in my closet you know what I'm saying I'm you doing all right for yourself my my oh you're so good it's so inspiring yo you know what's so crazy in the book my life is way more um is daintier my life is way daintier than your life has came up with some G's though I came up with some G's and I also came up from some dysfunction and alcoholism and drug abuse and you know roaches in my grandmother's apartment had to put the light on they running out the toaster and uh I had the same thing read that I know what that is I had that you have to bang on the wall wake them up so they come out so you know what what to not grab from the thing there's there's a lot of that also the ups and downs and so I think you know when I think about that um it's just so crazy you you never know who you connect with doesn't even have to be the the core audience or the core person that people would assume that your story would connect with when you put something out like this in the world it's like you just never know where it lands or how it connects to who or what be this guy right here might that's what I was saying connected to that's what I was saying about call you this guy you know what I mean that's what I was saying about thinking Grow Rich like it has nothing to do with me and somebody gave me that book and it was it it was lifechanging right so you know and even yourself is just like what you doing on your new platform you know you just never know who you helping out there you never know who's getting this information and it's changing their lives or their perspective the way they look at things cuz I'm the same way like I I I I got people that I'm fans of that I go online and I watch this stuff and I'm like oh wow and and it changes my life and it allows me to to lead better right it allows me to be um a better version of myself and I just think that like that's that's what it's about so what you're doing here is is wonderful right and like I said again it's like even for all us in the culture like you know you you always give us a safe space to you know kind of you know unwind a little bit and be a little transparent you know what I'm saying cuz I believe in that I do I believe in it and it like I told you this earlier like it took me a while to the same way you might have up your leadership at certain points I think maybe even me even younger me on the radio I might have got caught up or something probably if I a grown me right would handle things differently because but my intention is the same as yours that's right to be truthful to be inspiring to to uplift to serve to give back like all those things I think the best versions of ourselves is is that so 100% so I appreciate you especially you who like you know you don't come from always telling it so I love when you tell it it's been interesting this whole you know yeah they GNA get in your business now oh my God just like oh man it's so good you're doing great all right where's my real life question I want to know what he talks about with Robert Green cuz people don't get to have conversations with a guy what is the best Jewel when you talk to a guy like Robert Green what is the what is the jewel that he drops to we just talk give me some of those Jewels so we could pass them to the people we talked about a lot of things but the thing that stuck out me the most he's like but what's going on in your life right now you most concerned about I said you know what my connection with my son and he said when you talk to him how do you talk to him and I told him and he said okay he said um next time you talk to him like that put yourself in his shoes and think about how he's feeling and and and I tried it and it worked wow and it's like he has no nothing to do with my Walk of Life um and you know we talked about the artst seduction by the way so you know I got to keep spicy by the way tell me how you how you keep him engaged wow um but drop one of those Jewels for the fellas please no he was just saying that you know when if your if your wife was ever you know like you know upset or whatever to to like not match your energy to always stay calm make her laugh and weeze out of the situation like that and she'll look at you in a totally different light because when she was uh in a position where she was ready to go in you know not to say that I have time that you you changed her mood by you being charming and you being you and I'm like yo that work she works girl that's actually really good I've never heard that you don't mean that come on come on really okay cool let's go uh you know what I mean it's that but but he Tau me about the artist not everybody can pull that off you can pull that off I'm pretty Charming though yeah I'm a Libra so you know there's that but but that's but there's great that's great information because you know you know you know a lot of times we try to match energy you're not supposed to match energy right you're supposed to um change the mood like change the whole situation and going back to what he said about my son it's just like I have to think about that cuz I've been I've been his age before right I sat down talk to my dad you know I want to hear everything he got to say I don't nobody like chastise me and tell me what I'm not good at so I have to put myself in that position was probably some of the dopest advice he told me and even like just about life it's just about taking everything um taking everything slow right not trying to like do too much at one time and he told me something crazy too like and I I was on to something before this new thing he was like you should talk less and I was like you know what I was there they tricked me I was good at that going you didn't listen to him at all going to interviews I'm like asking all these questions I'm saying all these answers he's like you know you should talk less I was like I was doing that at first you know you go back to that you'll do it in some Seasons yeah but he was saying that when you talk less um you you you you you come across more powerful right you come across uh people remember what you say and when you speak you should say things that matter like you just sit and speak to speak which I thought was very interesting but just sitting down with I don't think you're doing that now I think you're speaking with something but he also he also told me about being transparent as well and he and he got a new book uh dropping uh as well I think the read launch of the 48 lbs which is dope but like listen I'm going to be honest with you like he's a g like we sat down it was like The Godfather it was just you know what I'm saying I I think I had F he had the salmon and we just sat up there and we just chopped it up and it was like he probably sees the leader in you and it's probably his way of of of the same way you want to put back into people is probably his way is putting into you so that then you could put back but John Maxwell is another one though like he's like what are those Jews give me some John is like man John is is we going to need a whole another episode for that okay give me the the top one or two I mean he was the one that told me about the seven questions he's like yo find you somebody you really like your Mentor somebody you believe in just doing the same thing you doing and invite him to um lunch or dinner tell them you paying for it and you just got seven questions you want to ask him and have them together have them wrot written out and it has never failed me yet who have you done it with uh you name it Steve Harvey uh TD Jake Jay-Z but I already was doing that with J I didn't have seven cuz he probably thought was a little crazy but um just anybody respect and it's not just even people that of uh you know of of in in the culture that that's successful in that realm it's business people CEOs you know what I'm saying c yeah you just you get seven questions you know and you just do you tell them I'm going to ask you seven questions or you just have them you kind of like you know I just want to kind of pick your brain and then you sit down but like these are things that you really want like you're not just going to ask and seven random questiones no you're going prepare these are things that you really want to know right and you really want to understand if this knowledge you're not going to get from anybody else like when I talk to my you know my my friends who do very well for themselves like you know they are billionaires but that's not the point it's like I'm asking the questions that you run to I'm going to steal this from you yes go ahead you you ask the questions that you might run into as you continue to be successful right cuz you got to know like you're not knowing you know what type of tax breaks you can get you know you getting this you're doing it all these questions are there you're heading into relationships with intention now so you're like and think about that's that's the word I'm looking for everything another thing uh Robert Green talked me about is like every time you sit down with somebody every time you have a conversation with somebody every time you go to an event know what your intention is don't just go to be there and to you know rub shoulders like know what your intention is yeah you having a conversation with somebody know you having a meeting the first thing she ask okay you know well my intention for this meeting is so that's so good we waste so much time and you think about like we've been in the business a long time we have access to these incredible people and we could waste it but like hey man what's up you good with we waste it with no intention just small talk which okay is fine sometimes but and it's not just us even if you're a kid in school there's definitely a dope ass teacher in your school that you have access to or on somebody on the job who just knows more than you there's people in our lives that if we you use that that that that skill set up when you go sit down and talk to somebody like and just say you know like a Deion Sanders which is you know Dion is a dope individual right you don't want to just go sit down with Dion just hang out with him you don't want to ask him what he had for lunch yeah you got to have intention you know when you talk because this time is like anybody else's time is valuable what kind of questions do you ask like give me one with Dion yeah I'm about life like you know just where his pieces is at you know I like how Dion live like he's got his house he he got his boats he fish he do all these things it's just like but just think about it if you look at his career and what he's doing he's pouring into the youth he's taking all the things he learned and he's pouring into the youth and he's somebody that they respect and they've seen do what he's done right and they still have respect for him think about how hard that is for people to still have respect for you at this point after you've played and you retired your jersey you did all these things but they still respect him because he's still pouring into them right and that's how he's being fulfilled and if you look at it he looks younger than a lot of guys looks great right so then what is the question well Dion yeah like what is I'm ask Dion about just like regular life like real life like yo man you know what you doing these days like on some on some P stuff and he tells me all the time he's fishing why don't you come out and fish actually I got to go out and fish with him and that's probably what I'm going to really dig in but he told me the realest thing though when I when I first started talking to he's like yo G I like you but I got to really get to know you you know he said that when you ask one of those questions no no when when we first started kicking it he was like I like you but I I got to really get to know you that that that told me a lot about his Char yeah I kind of love that yeah for sure for sure I feel like I need to tell people that sometimes yeah cuz you you you allowing them in your space right and and if you're going to give them game and and some type of uh value you got to make sure that that that they're they're worth it you know you can't just have people coming in your space and you giving them all this Intel and insight and resources and then you know they're not who they say they are MH you know you turn them on to your people and then they go do something crazy that's burning your resources you know what I'm saying so I respect that I'm like that so dope in real life what are you most proud of about yourself what I'm most proud about myself I would say the fact that I never gave up M when I could have so many times I just refused to mhm and every day I strive to just just be better you know no matter what's going on around me but I seen so many people just quit you know and it's you never did no um in real life what do you pray for most uh peace my family's good that the people that I love are are good and that that we're all are healthy who was the first person to believe in you me shut up yeah from where like how based on what information I just knew I ain't had no choice you got to do this you did everything else like why not no matter what you got to do it bro I usually start the interviews with this and I didn't do it but I feel like now I want to I want to end it with that it's like right now in your life like today M how happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10 M that's a good question I say a nine really yeah I say a nine n's 10 n's ever a 10 ever have you ever been a 10 in your life never no I've never been a nine in my life either oh first time you asking me this some thug motivation I probably been a one and a half really yeah yeah um I was say nine y based on what just based on life experiences people conversations um the small things I love food I love go sit down have a good meal I got Hobbies now I never had Hobbies before golfing hob I'm golfing boxing I mean you know I got Hobbies like journaling you know what I'm saying I never had that I never had that you know what I'm saying how you know it shows too your skin looks good you're in shape that was the vision though your eyes are white and I mean I mean look at that was the vision yeah but but that's the thing is just like you know you know making time for yourself and like doing the things that you love to do I love music so if I'm ever time I can just like sit down Listen to Like Music that I came up into my era that really makes me like happy you know what I'm saying and they said you know if you ever get into a a downward spiral just do the things that you enjoyed as a kid you know what I'm saying and and that's what I do when you're in a down spiral yeah like do the things that you enjoy to do as a kid that makes you happy you know cuz that's the thing you got to do you got to take care of start player you got to keep yourself happy before you can make anybody else happy and and and I think the biggest thing if you're asking is selflove I think in in these last few years I really love learned to love myself you know what I'm saying I really I because it was a time I would rocking with homie you know what I'm saying and I just really just learn how to love myself and just to understand like no matter what you know I'm going be okay and that you know like my intentions are good right and and when I learned how to love myself like everything changed around me like that's when I was able to start chipping that wall down cuz I no longer needed it you so good yeah and then I have to ask you this before you go cuz you haven't gotten there yet M but you said you're going to leave it all on the table before you leave what does a 10 look like what is it going to take I think that there I think that does the 10 happen here no I don't think the 10 happens I think the 10 happens when when when it's all said and done and you done everything that you set out to do because I will always leave that one so that I I got still something to work for you know what I'm saying and I'm a firm believer when things get too good I get concerned the bottom is going to fall that's the bottom is going to fall out at some point um and I don't think I ever been a 10 but I'm enjoying nine um I'm I'm I'm living I'm learning I'm loving um and it just like you know it's a totally different wake up you know it was time that I woke up and I didn't want to wake up you know what I'm saying I was like I can't wait you know what I'm saying I was supposed to be up at at uh 4:30 this morning I think I was up at at 2:45 I was excited you know what I'm saying about the day I got things to do you know what I mean I'm like my mind I'm going through it but um at least I know I was up like 3:00 but my point of case is um you're happy yeah and and and I think you know I thank God every day a nine is just fine with me even if it was a eight I'll take it you know what I'm saying but a nine is just fine that's pretty great nine is actually pretty great yeah and if today is the last day mhm what are you doing the last day I thought you was going to ask me what I was going to eat I'm going chill with my family and eat Popeyes it's RP you know we go kick it we have a good time and then you know probably drink you know eat some Popeyes drink an expensive bottle of wine you know what I'm saying you know maybe have some uh some nod I don't know like but we going to keep it simple you know know what I'm saying and you know we going to reminisce and it's a rap and head on your way to your tent yeah 10 it's going to be all good we're proud of you and hopefully you know hopefully somebody gra a towards and keep this going for us and and I appreciate your time I appreciate um your platform and it's everything you do I appreciate and I love your growth as well cuz I remember I remember Angie Martinez what you mean what you mean I remember Ang what I do what I do no no it was good my intention was always good no not that you was anything bad but when you was young you was young too oh we were all young we were trying our best but we were young growing up now you playing golf and it's it's beautiful it's wonder I'm super grown right now I love it I love it I love it too for sure thank you man thank you so much young JY no just Jeezy grown Jeezy gr jezy vulnerable involved happy and a level 9 GC everybody [Music]

Channel: Angie Martinez

Views: 344,227

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Id: ud9C73ZbacU

Length: 66min 59sec (4019 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 24 2023